The impact of social constructs on sexual repression

Marina Crane (00:01.174) Hey, good afternoon, people. Darcy and Marie and who knows? There are so many more people getting on board listening to my podcast. It's August the 7th and it's still smoky outside. apparently in the next five days it's supposed to rain here, which would be nice. Now this podcast I've had a chance like again you know, what better thing do I have to do as a seventy four year old? I was talking with a young lady that I had met, who had been involved in a cult with Nathan Chasing Horse And I'm only saying this because we're going to schedule a podcast and talk about healthy human sexuality in terms of indigenous females and how for me as a elder and a senior and her as a young woman, she was making a comment that, you know, her grandmother had passed away and she never had that connection with her grandmother. And I was talking about how as as we age and how we as human beings, how we respond to being still sexual. because it ain't over until we're six feet underground. And the notion of just things that as women we've o been suppressed or oppressed in in terms of discovery of things that are meaningful to us. And the fact that as human beings we we deserve to be seen. So I'm going to go through a couple of a couple of essays that I've had I went through with TikTok and and they f they're they're enlightening but at the same time too there's you've got to be really careful like a large part of this Marina Crane (01:53.642) educating on healthy human sexuality is geared to young indigenous women. And rightfully so because like as we age we develop critical thinking skills and and I truly believe that because of the advent of social media and a lot of conspiracy theories that are so outrageous that could be scientifically proved to be conspiracy theories. Whereas there are other things when I talk about my own personal life, that's how I have lived my life. And what has worked for me. And it's not like something that I'm trying to give advice to, but there are certain things that, like in life, that I find a lot of common experiences across the board when it comes to talking about just things that happen in life. And a lot of things, too, in recent years, and again, for me, at the age I have been, again, I'll say, you know, in the 70s, women couldn't. Own a credit card or even finance their own home. Now, even in the 70s too in Iran, like women were doctors, lawyers, leaders, and now they have to wear burkas. So fascism and the whole understanding of what it is and how it sort of creeps into our very psyche without even knowing it, because we're involved in some sort of act of addiction, which I hope like will somehow, when I talk about this, they'll sort of have some. some sort of what do you call it critical thinking. So I'm just gonna go on with what I've read and I I I I'm sorry I'm not validating the bibliography of who actually said it, but I am going to go through it as much as I can. So this lady says w women women did choose men, not men. Women picked the men that they were gonna have children with. Now this is just this woman's theory. For most of human history, before we know, like she's saying five thousand years ago, patriarchy started. Marina Crane (04:02.644) Women did the choosing, not men. Women picked partners and mates and they picked were more often picked much younger men because they were selecting things that we don't select for necessarily. So she's saying that they were per te per selecting potential partners, not mostly dominant or the best looking or the richest. Women were generally s going through a selection process and patriarchy sort of flipped it around So that for women and handled it and handed it to men, and men started approaching and pursuing and deciding. So again, she's saying roughly 5,000 years ago we forget we forget there was other ways. And this is just her theory. And again, too, you can take it up if it's conspiracy theory or if it really resonates with you. So part of what we're seeing right now with men is she's saying is that women, men see Women as being unapproachable or they're afraid to approach to approach men are afraid to approach women and and dating. She said, even not even capable of dating right because right now because of women. So it's actually an evolutionary course of correction. It's almost like, as she puts it, the system is forcing a stop. It's blocking men from doing the picking so that women get the time, maybe in a generation or maybe two. two generations to get uncomfortable and get comfortable with doing the choosing again. Like again, you know, I'm saying from my own perspective, when I was sexually active and promiscuous, I did the choosing. And and because I chose not to be in a like to have a partner or to have children, a lot of this what having a man choose me, I've never experienced that. Usually when when I found men to be very clingy and attaching to me in a limerant form. I it it just I I just couldn't handle it and I just put boundaries down. I said, no, I don't want this. It it needs to be like a mutual understanding. And and I do think this woman in her theory res resonates with me because Marina Crane (06:23.11) I I do think as like the 70s is like that's 50 years ago that there there is has been a change in how in how women, especially younger women, see things and even too in terms of bisexuality like like that bisexuality in some theories is normal. So again too the whole construct of how we're trained and to who has chosen. She says she says here, stepping into the into the choosing isn't just a kind of a small dating shift, it's a mental one that is potentially a really big evolutionary one. And to and it asks something much more of women too. Not just picking the man that makes her feel good or pays attention to her, but really truly thinking about it. That that's why women once did the real contributions, considering your contribution to evolution and what comes What comes next for the generations behind you? Stepping into fullness of responsibility if you want to, if you decide to have children. Like that's her theory, and that's the reality of it. It's like when I talk to women and say, Well, I had a choice, you made a choice to have children. And and a lot of I think women that I've known, and I hate to say this, but women who pret are pretending to be indigenous bring on this religiosity, like, well, that doesn't resonate with me, my children, my daughters want to have children, they want to be mothers. So, like for me, in terms of intergenerational trauma and limerence and the attachment and active addictions and just the realities of what is available for the healing process and in terms of healthy human sexuality is very limited in Indigenous communities. So, you know, when I'm talking to women who are pretending to be indigenous who have never lived in indigenous re Marina Crane (08:30.486) anywhetra mete communities, i it's it's very difficult and again, you know, it's their choice to walk away and and ghost me. What what can I say? That's just my opinion and my experience. Because again, there there are sometimes a lot of people don't don't understand certain things. And I know some of the times most of what I've been talking about is like recently what's been happening with the recovery center i here in Soutina and the separatist movement and even like this whole bunch of white supremacists doing some training just you know away from here a little w like a little on the sa on the outskirts of our community in Millerville. It's amazing that you know people feel like it's a breeding ground for white supremacy in Alberta and like as if it's there's welcome doors here and and yet they don't realize like the indigenous population here, they don't see us because we're in urban we're in the rural areas and not in the urban centers. Mind you again, Calgary and Edmonton have huge indigenous populations as well. So again, I I I've gone through TikTok and again I'm reading these things about nuclear families and sexual human beings. Like sexual repression that delivers through institutions produce a very specific psychological type. People who are obedient, people who are fearful, people who are dependent, and they are also susceptible to fascism. So that's why when I talk about intergenerational trauma, especially when it comes to the sexualization or the repression of indigenous girls from Indian residential school, because those were institutions, specific psychological type. that they that they that they embodied like to be obedient and be fearful. Like I like I explained, my mother was afraid of white people. And you know and again who are dependent. They become dependent on on what is s suspect as what is deemed normal and appropriate under under the whole scheme of fascism. Now I want to I want to sort of Marina Crane (10:50.35) Talk about how how do I put it in a in a way that see, Indian resident like when when I've done some podcasts about slavery in the fifteen hundreds with the conquistadors and how they were trafficking like children, indigenous girls as fourteen, thirteen impregnating them, the whole the whole machismo or the whole evolution of of how in our own men turn against our own women in in in how they take us as as property. wh why am I talking about this? Well because A a lot of times w we things start becoming normal because a lot of the history or the corruption or the distortion of the actual person's life that has been trafficked has been erased. And and so a lot of things that especially indigenous women and black women have gone through has has been has been erased. Now, even in terms of the the declaration of independence and Jefferson and Washington and even the breaking away of of these two democratic these two re a Republican and Democratic Party, what's the Industrial Revolution as opposed to slavery or freeing the slaves or using like like in terms of the Republicans and in terms of more of white the whites like white working class. All this stuff is so historical and yet it all binds into having people who who are going to be slaves or servants. And and isn't that what Colonization is all about. There's no fixed solution in how to decolonize yourself. We're just embedded into it. And a lot of times when it comes to discussing white what pr pretendionism is, is based on that social construct of colonialism and the thought of who belongs to who and why. And and you know, like when I say I'm born into systemic racism, that's what I was born into. So again, when I talk about industrial schools. Marina Crane (13:03.82) those and the Indian Act and the law that was predicated, understand this, like we're talking about slavery. So when slavery was abolished, there was a hundred years of of slave owners just grooming and breeding, having breeding grounds because you couldn't import slaves, so you had to breed them within the plantations. And then even freeing the slaves too, that was also you know, even Jefferson, even though he he he didn't want to free his slaves, And then and then you have other people who want to liberate, but you also want to have them industrialized and be part of the the the the big machinery of working in factories for cheap labor. So so again, all this colonizing and revolution and the economy boosting because in terms of the progressives or the call of the Republicans, it was always like we're gonna make this great, this big c great country but it was all based on on having y people who were slaves to their jobs. So I and again I'm I'm being really simply my language is being very simple. Okay, so it it so when I say industrial schools, the government had passed a law called the Indian Act and and they they were grooming young boys, especially in the Treaty Seven area, and they were taking mostly young boys who were mixed blood. so somewhere in their genealogy they were they were either French, Scottish, some of Europe playing bloodline, but but they were were recruiting and and having them come into these industrial schools to be trained as as ranchers and farmers. And under the guise of like, okay, this is cheap labor. Okay, we're going to have indigenous boys who are gonna be like basically their slaves. Now you can argue and say that I'm I'm just cr you know, full of crap. Marina Crane (14:58.124) That's okay. You're entitled to that. This is just my o personal opinion. But the reality of it, even in Parliament, they said, well, if we educate these young men and they go back to the reserves, they're going to be converted back to savages. So like savages cannot be slaves. Under under understand this too, when they started the slave trade and they were try they were recruiting and taking large amounts of indigenous girls into Europe, a a lot of them were dying because they we weren't used to the diseases. And and even when they tried to enslave us in the Americas, a lot of the indigenous people sort of were absorbed into other tribes. So so there was a huge, huge like understand this. The first 100 years of all like the Portuguese, Spanish, Dutch, English, and French colonizing, like there were there were some like again you can say about the conquistadors, they were horrible in term terms of torture, but also the Portuguese, because the Portuguese were instrumental in the slave trade. Like in and you could hear horrific conspiracy theories of what they did to children. Now again I'm saying conspiracy. But understand this too when I talk about industrial schools and Indian residential schools. The law, even today, the Indian Act is set up so that we're basically wards of the state. Now in that sense too you can say, Okay, well that's a form of fascism. Yes, because we have to basically do so much paperwork just to get a law or or amendments so that our trust money can come back to our people. And even then, like like there's so much being publicized right now that people would have access to this. Whereas before we couldn't even hire a lawyer, couldn't even have a bank in our communities. We had to have a ticket just to leave our communities. And like I said, even women couldn't like this bill is being passed to grandfather grandfather Marina Crane (16:58.968) Grandmother, all these ancestors from decades since the Indian Act was first created. Now again, why why have so much control over indigenous people? Why? Because they wanted cheap labor, slavery. You know, my my mother and my aunties and my grandparents, they were the women were always maids. You know, just like like the black people in the United States. No we we were never considered to be like in in in businessmen, academics. This is all part of the structure of the Indian Act. So anyway, in I just want to essay this is just my personal opinion. So she's saying his argument was that fascism doesn't require evil people, it re it just requires its repressed people and And the institutions that are doing the repression, the church, patriarchal family structure, compulsive heterosexuality are the same sit institutions that make fascism possible. They are the mechanisms. He also says that you cannot swap out economic or political systems. and expect things to fundamentally change if you leave the sexual repression intact. So that's why as an indigenous elder woman I'm trying to do podcasts on healthy human sexuality because it has so much to do with that repression or that fear or that shame or guilt about even talking about your sexual desires. So anyway this goes on so it says so if we move forward if we more toward if we move towards socialism, which I think Is generally a good direction, but it would we don't dismantle the repressive nature of the church and the nuclear family and heterosexuality, we must produce a different flavor of fascism. Now, here's where I think he misses the critical point from what this woman is saying. He was working entirely on the heterosexual lens, and because of this, he did. Marina Crane (18:58.378) identify sexual repression repression as the key mechanism for making a society susceptible to fascism. But he couldn't imagine what freedom actually looked like because she is saying I would argue that that tr to truly free sexuality has to begin with accepting that bise accepting that bisexuality is the human baseline. It's not a deviation. Okay, so you gotta sort of think about this and understand this. If you've been so indoctrinated about he heterosexuality and you haven't sort of looked at your what makes you sexually happy, in healthy exploration, fantasy, even understanding your own human development from from early childhood. Like you have to have the courage to do some self-reflection. okay, the the yes Goes on that it's not a phase that someone goes through. It's not just the phase, it's not just a preference. I think that it is a baseline, and I think that we need to accept that. And if we can do that, then a lot of other things start to make sense. For example, rape culture, as she's putting it. The prevalence of rape fantasy, specifically among men, doesn't come from nowhere. It is a direct production, it's a direct product of sexual repression. It represents the authentic pornographic connection, intimacy, desire is not made accessible to want so like what what she's trying to say is that you don't allow men to repress their bisexuality, you get rape culture. And and again, I know even when I was talking to an elderly woman who was in an old folks home and I was talking about human sexuality and what what where the G spot is and Marina Crane (20:58.792) And she just said, I I don't know, I've never I my whole life I I don't know about sex. So we're talking when we talk about sexual repression, that that's what I'm I'm talking about is that there's there's the the inability to talk about bisexuality or or intimacy. So again this Like again she's saying there's bisexuality you get rape culture. So again, I I want to reiterate the where the female G spot is and where the male G spot is. And that's a biological function where the where the male G spot is. And if you don't know where it is, Google it. so the f the fantasy of rape is what happens when you take a human being's sexual life and put it in a box for too long that what you've got is like like like Okay, I know I'm paraphrasing. So the maj major conservative political events, grinder cra crashing during those events. See I didn't understand what grindr was. Like again, you know, all like I said, a lot of what's happening in social media and what's available to our young people. Like gring grinder culture? Like even the Republicans when they have these conservative parties in huge cities, the the grain grinder website crashes because of bisexual activity, men hooking up with other men. The worst the worst kept secret in American life is that the loudest voices of Marina Crane (22:42.892) compulsive heterosexuality are often being toted by men who are privately terrified of their own most repressed becoming the most dangerous. I had a a white acquaintance who said to me, the most dangerous again, the most dangerous person a woman could be associated with is their partner. But but even with a white woman, the most dangerous person, yes, is their white partner. But it's also when he's not even engaged with her, when she's when she's when he's With other white men, and they give themselves permission to do horrific things. And again, this is where this whole conspiracy theory comes in with Jeffrey Epstein and all these things that you really have to do research and have some critical thinking skills behind it. But again, too, a lot of this is theory. So what she's saying is she's trying to point forward to a deep interconnecting connectedness of all this fascism, sexual repression. rape culture, the church, the nuclear family, are all not separate problems. They are all the same problem. And they are the heart of what we call Western civilization and the very core of what means to be quote unquote civilized as a system of sexual repression. So total the most people don't even know it's there. They just know that what we know is desire that when we have desire or we feel desire, it's dangerous. And until we dismantle that, until we actually accept bisexuality as a human baseline and stop organizing society around the repression of that truth, we will keep producing conditions that are ripe for fascism over and over because their oppression is still doing its work. William Reich R-E-I-C-H argued that sexual repression, the kind that gets enforced through religion, through nuclear family, through the idea that there is only one w right way to human sexual human beings, that kind of sexual repression. that room where, you know, you slowly like const I don't know, like I what I'm trying to say is that Marina Crane (25:00.148) Sometimes as women we just focus our whole society around men. We we don't we like in terms of literature or in terms of films and s and things that, you know, are dominant with with men in there. Whereas when when you're in a I'm just saying this like in terms of the the audience, if you're lesbian then you're going to be wanting more lesbian content in terms of literature. And and I think too it's the same thing With men in terms of bisexuality, instead of having to repress it in grinder culture and as well as rape culture. So this woman who's talking about this is so women who are in partnership, long-term partnership, we know that now that coercion often doesn't look like force. It can be disguised as feeling like you're sexually liberated or open-minded or adventurous or just do not up or you're just not an uptight woman. So you say yes. And she's saying yes to pornography, okay? So in this relationship, what we're talking about is men in and women in in sec in partnership where the man is is engaging in porn with his female partner. So they they so what he watches and what he tries and what he suggests to have done in the sexual relationship, she goes along that way she he convinces and the woman is convinces yourself that this is gross and that you're expanding your sexuality. So it so it's an engaging and saying, well no this isn't gross. We're we're just expanding our sexual experimentation. And and because maybe you're not expanding towards your own desire at all, maybe you aren't even it maybe this isn't even in your fantasy driving that exploration in your own life and in many stories I I've heard so many other women the exploration usually lives in one like there's only one direction. You don't necessarily discover that you love these things. You discover that he wanted them and they were readily available and they were everywhere and you were present as a kind of normal exploration. So saying no felt like you would make make you seem repressed or insecure or judgmental. See and and like and I and I'm talking like like again in my community Marina Crane (27:26.064) Everybody knows each other, and so when there's young couples who renewally get married before they even started to have children, you know, she used to have parties. They they'd all gather together as young couples and watch pornography. and this one this one particular couple, I think they had about five children. again, the woman is taking part because the man you know, saying, well, you know, I don't you're you're not a repressed, you're not insecure, you're not judgmental to to this woman who I grew up with. I grew up with these two two people, okay? now why am I saying this is because both of them were were pedophiles. Yes. They were they were in a relationship and each involved in this porn and again, people who participated in these gatherings watching porn as couples didn't actively like have orgies. I'm just saying that the this was like probably in the geez, what forty, thirty years ago maybe? Forty so like again, I have never been in a relationship but I do know these people and I do know some of the people that they hurt. Some of these people were just like fifteen and sixteen years old and and the result of it is like like the one woman she's passed away now. And the fellow he's been charged with sexual assaults. Like it's it comes out in like you know, people say, natural law. And I I think when you're in a community where there's holistic collect and a collective, i it does come out. whether or not ch whether or not you want it to come out. And and I think that's why it's so much more dangerous in in white society because you're so individualistic and you don't have community and so you don't get to see the outcome of of Marina Crane (29:27.758) this this we'll call it s this what do you call it lack of critical thinking skills or these swinger parties or this grinder culture. Anyway, I'm just saying it human behavior. You sh so this lady is saying you don't necessarily discover that you love these things. So this like and she's talking to women. Okay, because women have been taking part in this, in the relationship. And and sometimes so you you you know, you just keep going on for years in your relationship and then one day you realize that you're just not excited anymore. You don't want to do this and you're not turned on and you're simply performing by putting putting it back, it doesn't make it doesn't feel like you're discovering your own desire. So again, the repression of women's sexuality in terms of the relationship with their partner. Now I I had a a niece, you know, like and I've met a lot of you know young, brilliant people who want to go into therapies and psychology, even older people who are pensioners, that want to go into therapies and I'm going, why would you want to do that? The majority of people that you're gonna be talking to are going to be talking about their sexual behavior and and how to like the conflict that partners have. I You know, like I I just like that in itself is a whole big different conflict resolution that I like it just go nope, gives me the heebie jeebies. I don't wanna parts of that. So anyway, this lady is saying it feels like you're threatening the relationship and it feels like you are judging him and it feels like you are being you are changing the rules. After years of saying yes, you don't say it anymore and you keep performing. so she says in a long term trap that many women find themselves in. It feels like it's sexual freedom or exploration, but sometimes it's just what it really's been exploitation or posed as exploitation is really just an exploration of his desires and not your own. That's why when I've say I'm going to do a podcast on healthy human sexuality, especially when it comes to female healthy human sexuality, and that it y there's no shame or guilt or or something Marina Crane (31:50.93) where you need to repent for participating in it for so long that it that it's because you thought because it was mutually acceptable from the outside when really any any particular sexual act is inherently wrong or evil or perceive that way in order to control your sexual libido or desire. Like it it's it's about like the different questions you ask yourself, whose desire is really leading the relationship And and it that's a hard question, not only for like just you who are listening, but for everybody. It's impossible for us to answer. But you have to remember the last thing that you're introducing, you're introducing something that is sexual that you generally want to be felt completely comfortable to do and to pay attention to. And and it and if you feel like you just simply can't say no. That's something to pay attention to as well. Your enthusiasm has slowly faded until it's almost gone, knowing you're not alone, and it is a common experience for many women. And sometimes the first step isn't becoming more adventurous, sometimes it's just becoming honest enough to ask yourself what you actually want and knowing what this isn't for you. The problem is sneaky patriarchy doing its job, and I want, and again, she's talking. about why when a a male partner introduces pornography into the relationship. So again a lot of times when when people talk about Things that that Marina Crane (33:50.136) Paul, we'll talk about racism. Yeah. Because sometimes like I say, identity and again even with pretendianism and the word identity, like I've I've said, like it's an evolution of of changing our thought behavior and patterns of you know what what we feel is is healthy. I know recently, like I said, there was a group of white supremacists doing some training in you know in Millerville, just south of here. And this one this one lady on TikTok, she's talking about the practice of racism is bereefed. I don't know what the word bereaved is. There's something distorted about the psyche. The huge waste and its disruption and distortion. It's like it's profound r r rise that nobody exam examines. It feels crazy, it's crazy and it leaves. It has just as much determ deterior d dil delirious effect. Marina Crane (34:57.326) Okay, I'm sorry, but you know, I'm just reading the essay here. And I should quote I should do some bibliographies, but I'm sorry. so anyway, this white person on white people, but we take it away, take your race away. And there there you are, all strung out, and all you've got is this little self. And what is it? What are you what are you without racism? Are you any good? I I still Are you still strong, s still smart? You still like yourself? She's saying, I mean those are the questions. It's a part of of it is yes, the victim. How terrible it feels for black control. control like that. La I am not a victim. Like she's this is a woman, she's a black woman and she's saying I'm not a victim. I refuse to be the victim of the other person who is normally inferior and that's what that's all that's that a serious question. Of course, racist if you have a whole if you have a whole like his or her self esteem and def the definition like like like you can only be tolerant because like if you're someone kneeling in front of somebody who you know is tall there's a serious problem because like you're saying she's saying my feeling is white people have a very very serious like that they have to start thinking about like if you take take take black people out of the question she says do you understand that people who do this who practice racism are bereafed? There is something distorted about the psyche, it's a huge waste. And it's a corruption and distortion. And it's it it's like a profound neuroses. So in other words, she says you take away those hate towards someone, black, brown, whatever, who are you who are you left with? What kind of shell of a human being are you? That your whole ego, your whole profound motivation and mission in life, when you take that away, then Marina Crane (37:10.348) What's left? Like that's that's a really profound statement on racism and I think too when I look at when I hear about people being trained to shoot and kill people of color. I I don't know, like one time I was driving through Wyoming and I got stuck, I mean, my poor second hand truck car. Every once in a while I'd stop and I'd take a wrench and I'd hit the gas line and the little pebble will dislodge and I'd p pump on my gear guzzling automat standard vehicle, you know, and and and usually it would dislodge and I'd start. And w well one time I again I'm this is this is on my way from Wyoming to Utah by myself. Okay, so I get stuck in this this van this this station wagon pulls up and two two white men and there's a woman and they have fishing lines and two children and the two men come out and the one guy like I could see the woman and children looking at me and the two men come and one guy says to me, Are you black? Are you Indian? And I I thought, what a question. Instead of hello, can I do you need help? The first thing he was asking me if I was black or Indian, and I said, I'm Indian. He says, Good, because if you're black, who wouldn't help you? So, like again, this whole like if you didn't have that, who would you be? Well, the bless his heart, bless his racist heart. That you know, they hit my thing and the pebble dislodged and my car started. And they followed me to the next town. And as I pulled out of the town They followed me and they waved goodbye, like that, you know, waving goodbye like we did a a godly service for you. and for me, the reality of like what would have happened if I was black. and I've and I've seen that like in New York when I've when I've gotten on a bus and Marina Crane (39:08.756) And there's a bunch of black people and white people getting on, and there's a a white lady in front of me who has an extra seat. And every black person, every black woman who asked her if she could sit there, she'd say, No, it's I've got a friend coming. At the end, when everybody's on the bus, she's sitting there by herself, no black friend. And and for me, people are people. I mean again too, I I I say that and yet, you know, I I I'm It's it's just the way things are. Sometimes sometimes it's really difficult to have a white friend. So A lot of times a lot of non indigenous people don't even realize like the United States and Canada are two different countries. And the United States it was like thirty five years ago, native women in tribal land, the nation couldn't even touch anybody any man who who would like hurt hurt hurt an Indigenous woman. It wasn't until two thousand and thirteen that as native women fought the law through Congress it gave their nations the right to prosecute. So So you you you don't wait to be like you know, you you're waiting to have somebody protect you but yet the power like they had to write the law that, you know, like you they they never taught you that native women change like that they've changed the federal law to defend like again Th this was in the law was defending non-native men who harmed native women on tribal land. Her own nation could not touch him. In the courts and like the ruling in nineteen seventy-eight stripped that power away and the predators learned the reservations was a place with no consequences. And that changed in 2013. So a lot of times you know, even when I talk about Nathan Chasing Horse and you know how he was prolif po how he was prolific. Marina Crane (41:10.64) in Stan what do you call it? Wolf's Wolf's flats, like Wolf's Points, I mean, Wolf Point in Montana, the the reservation there. Because it's a very poor reservation and there's a doc documentary on that and just how they're trying to recruit police, but they don't even have places for them to live in. So you gotta understand this whole dichotomy of of policing in in reserves in Canada as well in United States. So you know in a lot of times when you're trying to to have justice for for people who who do horrific crimes to women and children, they they get away with it because they're protected. The the law can the law can't touch them. Again, you know, people understand this. Like I said, the Indian Act is the a law that's that's ruled under indigenous Metis and Inuit communities. And only two, three years ago, like I said, the nine Sioux tribes, the Inuit and Metis were considered indigenous. You know, 'cause a lot of people like they just kind of hum and haw and go, Well, it's not me. I'm not Native American, so it doesn't affect me. But yet they sure as hell, you know, have this colonial stereotype or this colonial way of thinking about, you know, being the white savior. So anyway, I There there a lot of other things I could talk about in terms of even how like Metis like in the states in the States it's Cherokee. In Canada the issue is Metis. So they're two two different names, but they're they're for the ta same same two, like they're talking about indigenous indigenous people. So again if you want to learn more about that, you know, it's it's important to know. again too, there's a whole Marina Crane (43:05.711) structure and understanding of that. And and anybody who tries to prove that they're indigenous in Canada go go through quite a rigorous ordeal of learning about the the aspects of the Indian Act and you know just the fact that we're actually getting lawyers now. You know it it's interesting that people just like, it's the Faber of the month I can pretend I'm indigenous. So Let's see now. Yeah, it's it's an interesting thing about I like I like I said, there there are some things. So Again, I'm trying to be like I said, I'm scrolling through these things that I'd been thinking about in terms of topics. So here's another essay where they're actually doing research that shows about sexual fantasy, not what we've been told. So this guy, Dr. Stacy, a private private intimacy advisor and sex coach, is helping you see that it's just not about genitals. So let me give you a clinical picture on fantasy. Research actually consistently shows that having active Sexual fantasy life is associated with a higher sexual satisfaction, not lower. Higher relationship satisfaction and not a sign of dissatisfaction with your partner. It also shows that fantasy and desire to act are neurologically different. Okay, understand this. Fantasy and the desire to act are neurologically different. Having a thought is not the same as actually wanting it to happen. Your brain can find something compelling without your body or your values agreeing. And here's something else that almost nobody talks about women on average report fantasy lives that are just as active as men. The say the shame around female fantasy is entirely culturally constructed and has no biological basis. So this is what I do. And this is this lit the talking in the essay. It takes decades of clinical research to make use usable for Marina Crane (45:16.056) real people to get results. Because fantasy your fantasy life is not the problem. It's informational. So so again, when when I talk about limerence and I talk about survival and that you know before there was civilization or the construct of academics and clinical psychologists and social workers and and people throughout history went through trauma. like like the the whole construct of of like shame and guilt and and like how again in terms of oppression and repression that it has to be clinically like you have to have real people at real time help you navigate through the deconstruction of of that event. And and that event could have different fallacies or different illusions or delusions depending on on the trauma that you experienced at what age. And and this takes this is like a whole lifetime of like decades and decades of of Self-reflection. A lot of times too, you don't even know that you're being triggered because if you haven't visited it before, then then again, like I use the analogy of driving down a rickety road and there's a lot of potholes, and and for each trigger you hit the pothole and damage your route, I mean your tire or your your your what do they call it, your your wheel alignment. Okay, so the more the more you hit the potholes, the more you damage your vehicle. And And that's what I talk about recovery and relapse. So so the more that you're involved in your active addiction, the more you damn well hit those potholes and the more you damage your vehicle. Okay, so by the time by the time you you're in your fifties and you've been doing this without any help or guidance or or you know, like support, active support and trusting another human being in learning to guide away from those potholes. That's why it's important to Marina Crane (47:29.696) To understand when you're a child and you're looking, and you and as an adult and you're looking, you feel hopeless, you have to understand, you've got to forgive yourself. You are an individual, you cannot help that high-risk child on your own. You need a community to help you. And it is important that the community, say, for example, is really highly structured with therapists and you know professional people. And and that's like like a magic wand. Abercadabra, indigenous people inwit and métis have sovereignty over their children and we have all this magical, you know, professional people helping guiding our children. That like I said, it's a magic wand. It's just going into legislation in Canada for us to have sovereignty now. So, you know, like I'm trying to say to people, understand this. We are not the same. as people who are living in the province who've been, you know, sort of like the whites like the slaves or the serfs of the industrial mechanism called democ like called industrial revolution and and you know like the whole notion of of how, you know, the class system pl interplays Like when I talk about the Indian Act, I I talk about the caste system. When I talk about systemic racism, I talk about the caste system. 'Cause 'cause it's based on that. It's based on a caste system of who who gets up to the upper class. Anyway, so as well as like what this where we're talking about women on average report fantasy lives that are just as active as men. So again, like it the shame around female fantasy and is entirely culturally constructed and it has no l biological basis. So that's why like when I am saying I'm gonna have a podcast with with indigenous women, I'm talking about culturally constructed how we were perceived as being sexual females Marina Crane (49:35.136) through our grandmothers and our great-grandmothers and how it's been handed down to us. And it's important to have that discussion. So like again, a lot of things that I talk about, you know, have been done and established in tur with real people over clinical research. And the sad thing about it is like a lot of the documents, documentation about indigenous people has been really distorted by the Canadian Psychology Association because they refuse to even document indigenous women who like indigenous academics who you know have done the work they refuse to publish them so again you know why you know like again it all has to do with this class system and that's just my personal opinion okay so Marina Crane (50:34.498) You know, I sometimes when when I do talk to women about the G spot and the clitoris and I talk about orgasms and just the whole nature of the biology of women and and the fact that you know, there's the argument and two, you know, I mean, Sometimes I know I trigger women and sometimes I you know, I when I do talk about healthy human sexuality, especially when when we're having a debate on on Like like when people are having sex and th there's liquid and fluid that come out and they say, Well that's not pea it's it and I and if I trigger you like I'm sorry, but i it is urine. Like the it is made by the kidneys and it is extraction from the bladder through the urethra, it does not mean that that you you know, like it you know, it The guy jokingly says this isn't a water sport. It's for one reason we have the clarity on this subject because it would help to remove some of the shame that people who can and do experience this gush of fluids in their orgasm because we can guarantee that your partner who is there there to experience the beauty of the waterfall does not care what it is. You know it's a place of trust. And again, this is what I'm talking about in terms of women having the ability to free themselves unless they're repressed and the man is having control and is using that to repress or oppress or or or basically put shame and guilt on you even experiencing that desire or that that awakening that that a lot of women don't feel. Marina Crane (52:29.558) And again, you know, it's only if they say no and they start realizing, no, I've got to experience this in my life. And and that's why like it's important for young women to evolve into understanding this in terms of sexuality. There are so many senior women who don't even know where the clitoris is, who don't even know where the G spot is. And so, you know, the whole case is like like this fellow is saying, looking again to find out That the bladder in all cases was the source of this fluid because it was empty. Like when they were doing the research and saying, okay, where did it come from? And then we have this second one, which is the a wild study. If you read the details, because of what they did, they had this woman, they catheterized them, drained their bladder, injected them with blue dye into it, and when they when and then when they brought it the completion again, and guess what? In any case, the the emitted fluid was blue and really quick. So so she he says we need to address the fact that people think that squirting and female orgasms are the same thing when they they are not, or the sea female ejaculation are not. There is physiologically two separate events. Squirting consists of clear, pale yellow fluid, and that is because it is produced in the kidneys, and the other very rapid rate in order to fill up the bladder. But if you looked at it chemically which they do and they have done, they find the components of urine in it. So he says it it but it tends to be creamy and white, sometimes sticky fluids that produce a smaller amount and it's produced in the pull peluutylary or skin gland. These are located on either sides of the urethra or just inside. And if you take a look, you may actually be able to see the tiny pinholes that is where the fluid is emitted from. But wait, there is more because this plant plans are also known as the female prostate, that is because when you take the fluid you look at this is what it is. It is found in the PSA or the prostate specific adj antigy, and this is the same thing you will find in the male semen that is being produced and pushed through the prostate. This means that when you are getting your giblets properly jiggled I like the way he says Marina Crane (54:56.608) properly jiggled giblets. You're emitting both fluids together. It does not mean that squirt is something mysteriously third fluid that we don't fully understand, and there is no reason to be ashamed of it or anything else. Let your partner come to the water fountain and tell him to drink up. It's funny that people actually think that this is this is true, but square square does not but s does not pee. Okay, it has again Again, PSA and some other things in there and you might think that it's just P for whatever reason, but get the narrative out of your head, because it's not just P. It does but it does pre-cum but it does but so does precum. is pea, it is urine, it it is made by the bladder, it is excreted from the bladder through the urethra. It does not mean that if you're into water like again, I'm just repeating what he said and and it's important to you know talk about these things. So again Do men have a high sex need drive for masturbation? I I know I'm going into this. Like I like I said, I I I found these articles very interesting. And and again too, there's critical thinking. Like I said, this isn't something where you just sort of go in, you know, I want to learn something. Un unless you've actually had healthy like a healthy sex drive and and have been seen as a sexual human being and And so like Marina Crane (56:39.87) like if you have a compul like you have compulsive need to have an orgasm, if your sex drive is linked to testosterone and libido, then that means your body is functioning properly. If you're compulsive if you're compulsively cannot control yourself, it sounds more like an addiction. A man that is fully in his body will never need to use his wife or the body of another woman to simply get off if you have the desire to make love that will lead you to do the emotional and physical work to produce pursue your wife and not just use her as an object. So again, the whole understanding that women like like again if you're in the relationship and you've been saying yes and and you realize like I shouldn't be saying yes because I don't feel comfortable, then then like 'cause you feel like your your partner has been using you as an object. Sometimes it takes a lot, like I said, it's even even when it comes to lateral violence and for me as a child child wondering why why does my mother stay with my father or why do my aunts or these female relatives in my community stay with these men when they're so violent towards them. So again too I think a lot of has to do with sh shame and guilt that they're not being like again fawning this limerence all this mental health stuff and I and again I'm I'm not just talking just about indigenous women. I think it's a historical fact. in terms of fantasy and limerence and being a survivor. And so how do you create safety and stability in your relationship so that your sexual intimacy is calm and regular and satisfying in both of you? If you don't ejaculate today you won't die. Let there sh then this guy is saying this to the guys. He says, let your desire be fully functioning men and not lead you to, you know, like pornography in private or masturbation in private. But to cultivate this emotional and physical intimacy flours in your relationship. Being compulsive is not a high sexual drive. Choose to be emotionally regulated and harness all the sexual energy to benefit your relationship and create safety. If you're a couple that is rebuilding trust right now, like again, you know, it's it's again I'm only talking from female understanding. Marina Crane (59:05.089) When I when I see older females who are are battle fatigued and and their central nervous system is so out of whack because they haven't been able to regulate. They've just been constantly being bombarded with relapse and recovery, not just from their own sensor nervous system, but from their adult children and even their grandchildren. So it's compounded and no no no wonder they choose not to be in any sexual relationship because then they'd have to To deal with that that individual too, which again is going to be triple whammy on the female psyche. And again All the more reason to understand your mental health and to find balance and understanding of what it is to be a healthy human sexual in in in in understanding balance of like like gambling, pornography and fast foods, all those that trigger your your your hormones within your brain, all that that stuff that I think in in like in closing I just want to sort of get get to the base line of of I think when it comes to what happens when when children are when there's trauma and what the brain what happens to the brain it it's it's really again there's so many things that I was looking at. It would take hours just to to understand, but Marina Crane (01:00:47.67) Let's see. See it's it's about regulation and finding a reliable, controllable source of stimulation that relieves when the internal world just feels too overwhelming and too empty to tolerate in objective in object relations terms like the Like it's it's like it control controllable because it's never disappointed, because it's available and never leaves. Substitute and like all substitutes for genuine connection, it works in short term and creates profound isolation in the long term. Because it's not addressing what w what w addressing was never really for sexual content. It was for content for aliveness or something real. As always this resonates so again, you know, again when when we're talking about Marina Crane (01:01:47.106) just how the human brain works. A woman loves me and a man never raped me. Okay, and this again is a young man talking about how he had to learn how about sex all over when he got sober. Because like he was scared and you know, he was because my the very foundation of his sex was that of being molested and he can't change that. So he goes back in time and he builds the reality. So the idea of intimacy and love and relationships, what it means to you know be all jacked up. That's why for him he chases women so much because he's trying to erase you know what what what had happened to him. So he says having sex with a woman meant that that what happened To him, never really happened. So he would cheat on his partners and he didn't have sex. Like he just, you know, it's the whole notion of like like somehow he needed to be fixed, he'd run away from the issues, he'd need to find some attention. Maybe it didn't happen as a kid, and loved to meet with like he used sex, okay, to normalize the trauma that he experienced. And the sexual conversation is really hard and sometimes a great. greatly emphasized in in getting his into his sobriety because it's a huge issue that you know just makes sometimes makes the individual feel all alone and struggles with with a woman to love and that a me that he's understanding that a man didn't really rape him. So again all this notion and stuff that happens to children and do you know even how it affects theirs intimacy with with women once they become sexually active. so, Marina Crane (01:03:38.476) Yeah, he talks about all this. Like that he's he feels broken and he feels damaged, but all that trauma and all that toxicity that you go through, you're stronger and that you can heal through that. And it all starts it all starts by not isolating not isolating. And it starts with sharing and it starts with finding support. That's why I'm saying even when you're trying to deal with limerence and this trauma, you have to have a support system in place. And and and they're making excuses that people don't care. You have the ability, you have to have the courage to find those safe places, to find those people that you can trust. If you self-isolate, you push yourself away and and like it's just it you cut off everybody around. around you and and the and you get re and you relapse. And so if you're constantly trying to be an active addiction, you're constantly re reacting over and over again. So let's see now again here. I I'm sorry to keep on jumping from different things, but see women are sex fantastically sexual. They love sex. They l they think about sex all the time. They wanna have sex with guys that have genuine burning desire for and if you're a woman and you're experienc your experience of a woman, it is th to the contrary that I hate to tell you this, it doesn't bring me pleasure to have to tell you. If you're not that guy, you are with a woman, you're married, you don't care how you been how long you've been married, you don't care how much she says she loves you, if y she does not have genuine burning desire for you. And this is a guy talking to people, okay. Like I said, when you go into social media, you have to have critical thinking skills here. In other words, she's saying she really she's ready to jump your bones all the time, virtually speaking. Marina Crane (01:05:38.304) speaking and then you're not you're not you know like he's telling these guys he says a lot of times women aren't even aware that they don't have genuine burning desire for the guy because they don't have a lot of relationship experience or sex sexual experience. That's why like when I meet older women they say well I I never had like the sexual experience so you know like in other words you know they really never really had this a burning desire. Like and that's that's so sad because you know we only Have one life. So they don't really know what the contrast to that women who've had that and they're with one guy and then they got married or in relationship with another guy, they will tell you that they they'll know. And if you're a guy who has experienced genuine burning desire out of women, these and those guys know too. So not not to feel bad, I'm gonna he's saying to this, he's gonna tell you life can be rewarding when you're getting genuine burning desire because let's face it, sex is a big part of life. So if you want to fix that in your life without being the dancing monkey trying to rim up approval from your woman or any other woman, but actually coming from a place of strength which women find extremely attractive. So in other words, like like like I'm I was talking with with Chashdawishday about permissions. And he says, you broke hearts. And I'm saying, No, I there was a desire, but it wasn't it wasn't like a a sexual desire, like a burning sexual desire. It was just, you know, like a need, like I thought, okay. and and I think most most like about men and that most women will will not accept like women are fantastically sexual. Like again, a woman has to really look at who who the the psychological makeup from you know self reflection like in the age of consent. Like that's why it's so important to to understand your own trauma and your own lived experience and and to have like guided imagery with other women, other professionals so you can get some genuine understanding of who you the chemistry and the physiology of you yourself. So so for example for me I'm the oldest granddaughter. My father and my uncles, they Marina Crane (01:08:00.314) didn't have children. I was the oldest. So they didn't know how to behave around a girl. So I didn't realize this, but and you know talking to f yesterday I was talking about this and I said, Yeah, the men that I'm attracted to are like Sasquatches. And like if you don't know what a Sasquatch is, look look it up. And and I said, Yes, I said, We're sitting in a restaurant and I say, Yes, if a Sasquatch walked into our restaurant as we're eating, all the people would run. They'd be so scared. I said, For me I just sit there and go, Do you wanna have a seat? I said, Because because that's how I was raised. Not like and again it's not any fault of of the the the caregivers in my life you know the my the caregivers in my life never abused me sexually i it's it's just how they behaved in terms of the testosterone and all you know like like being scary. It wasn't to me, they weren't scary. It was just like I I was just sexually attracted to them, not even knowing that that's what was happening. happening but as I became sexually active and and I gravitated to to Sasquatch men and I I'll use an example like I met this draft this deser this deserter from the Vietnam War. Again scary, okay? And and throughout my life that burning desire, I've never felt that ever after. Okay, because I you know, I've just never met Sask a Sasquatch after that. So and I'm using that as an analogy and I'm I'm making humor of it. But the reality of it is as old women have this have this we'll call it psychological construct that was established like in structure like from age five and and as it builds up in in in your childhood to be until you become sexually an adult to understand what what it what your body Marina Crane (01:09:59.968) feels like. you you you you have to understand it. And and for me, like sa say being seen, giving myself permission to have boundaries when I'm sexually attracted to such men who have this charisma of a Sasquatch. That's a that's I mean people can laugh and say what? No, but the reality of it is like it's it's it's just in my nature. And and I explained it to the lady I was talking to yesterday, I said, My older brother, we had this rooster that would just charge and attack all the kids. And I'm a child too, but this rooster was running after my older brother and I just went running right up against that rooster, yelling at it to leave my brother alone. Not afraid of it. And and that's That's like that's just part of who I am. And and I cannot erase it. I'm not gonna have religiosity say that thou shalt not behave this way, I shall not be oppressed. This is just who I am as an indigenous elder female. And I think too when I try to do the podcast on healthy human sexuality, when it comes to grandmothers talking about their sex lives with their grandchildren and even under having them understand that libido, that sexual drive, doesn't go away. It's it's a part of us until we're six feet underground. And I use I use the analogy of like my my friend whose mother wa she looked after her mother for seventeen years and she she was ninety seven and so when she says she says, you know, I've been after my mother to do to do some walking, she says. And the reality of it is she won't listen to me. She won't walk. She she refuses to. And she says, but then again too, she says her her physiotherapist came. She says, now look at her. And I'm on a Zoom call with her. And sure enough, I can see, you know, her mother walking back and forth, back and forth. And and Marina Crane (01:12:11.702) So she says, Yeah, the only reason she's doing that is because her her physiotherapist is a handsome man. And and so like like it was really like interesting. I said, I'm you know, I'm so fortunate that that I knew your mom and that you know, you took care of her, sh you didn't put her in a nursing home and you, you know, saw her as a sexual human being right until the day she passed away. So, you know, that's that's the reality of of as we age. So anyway, there's there are some things too let's see here. I know there's one about Mm-hmm. Marina Crane (01:13:05.218) again too you have to be really critical in in in what you see and what what happens in in in social media and I think a lot of young people get get bombarded by by the things that we think are are important but really they have no comprehension of like just how how dangerous it can be to think that some of these people who claim to be knowledge holders and are like they're they're conspiracy theories and they have some mental health issues. I think recently too on TikTok one of the these big influencers started lashing and cutting himself You know, I I have I know one young woman whose partner had died a couple of years ago and she's increased her visibility and viewers by eighty thousand people. So again, you know, and it's sort of like a voyeur when you're in social media and doing TikTok. So anyway, I think I want to conclude with some of the things that I think how we regulate our central nervous system and How you know like we tell our central nervous system what's unsafe. So usually like you get a bear hug, wet blanket, or the body saying you want to be held. Like the these neuro neurodivergent location describes love as something to the nervous system too altogether. The creator calls them locators rather than language. You break down the heteronormative history of of the origin. These alternative love languages, there are like what love will actually actually Marina Crane (01:14:51.248) actually is when the nervous system needs to tell its truth. And so she talks about the this article that comments on these five things that that they name and that are completely missed. But see, she said when you go into the five ADH love languages, they found that these are ha heart the like it's first is like info dumping, sharing everything you know about something you love as an act of trust. I'm letting you into this part of me that lights me up the most, parallel play, being in the same place same space, the same room. Now I want to go into this act of trust, sharing everything you know with some something you love as a act of trust. I I went through that. I went through that with Wachashthawashte. And okay, so parallel play, being in the same pl space, the same room, doing the same thing. No performance required, just your presence. So again, just having that. That is a love language in itself. But also I don't know, there's another something that one like you see it and you thought of it and you you and I was thinking of you. So in other words like gifting if I see something and I purchase it because I'm thinking of someone I'll gift it to them. And that's part of love language too. When you're when you're not there but your s you know your your executive function like you might be like you switch it up, you regulate like you you regulate each other a d like it's consistent contact tells you never nervous system like something's unsafe. it's a bear hug and or a weighted blanket. Like it usually with anxiety too, a lot of people use a a weighted blanket to you know calm their central nervous system down. And and so it's like she said it's heteronormative history of the original like love language. So when the central nervous tells you the truth, you know you're familiar with with with the like it's a it's like a ritual or ceremony. Marina Crane (01:17:00.944) And you go through it with individuals throughout your life, and it's sort of like a checkbox, okay, I've done this with this person. And and it it's you know it it's it's a validation because it's validating that you've put some boundaries down and you're respecting each other, that you're, you know, both accepting each other, and So I I wish I had this one about the central nervous system and maybe if I can find it in here and I can and I can put it through, then No, that's not it. I I I did try to go through all of this. No, that's not it either. Sorry. Here it is, hopefully. Yeah, it's a light day here on the channel. When you experience trauma, especially as a kid, it really does a number on several systems in the brain. Starting with, like, the amygdala, the body's threat detector, it can become more sensitive. The bit the brain noodle at the front of your skull, the prefrontal cortex, the spot that is responsible for emotional regulation, becomes less effective. And then you have this stress response, which is full of hormones that rewire the brain to prioritize. Whatever fixes stress the fastest. When the electrical cucumber, your brain, is emotionally numb or anxious or feeling depressed. There are shortcuts like sex that will allow it to take a break and organize for a bit. And your brain doesn't tend to care about what works long term. It wants easy fixes, what works right now. And sex can be the ultimate form of self medication because it is a literal cocktail or quittel, depending on which. Marina Crane (01:18:51.776) You're going of things like dopamine, serotonin, endogenous opioids, and endocannabinoids. And then you have a little bit of oxytocin, a bonding hormone, thrown in on top. So not only does it do a fantastic job of organizing everything and providing a break from emotional dysregulation, it is also self reinforcing, which makes it pretty powerful. And it's no accident that things like food, alcohol, and gambling also fall into this category of coconut. Strategies because they activate, albeit not as strongly, this same reward pathways and hormones. And evolutionarily speaking, or survival-wise, this is not bad programming. A brain that is raised in an environment that is filled with trauma, that is unpredictable, is going to become hyper-vigilant and it is going to seek immediate rewards or things that provide relief and connection. And sex offers reward, relief, and Connection. Tab A is in slot B. You're connected. Please remember that stuff like this does not mean you are broken. It means that you are a survivor. The good news here is that if these are behaviors that you want to change, the brain can be rewired. It is malleable and you can learn new, healthier patterns of coping. And while DIY is an option, it is beneficial to hire a professional when you are dealing with a complex machine. Like yourself. They are going to provide scaffolding and shortcuts and accountability that you simply may not be able to do on your own. But you're not broken. You're a survivor. Remember that. We're gonna be talking about hypersexuality and see, that's why I'm talking about when I say hypersexuality, and and again it's accountability. So that's why I say shop around for mental health workers, shop around for people who support, that can lay those boundaries down, and and as They as you interact with other people and they're doing this for you, or you're helping yourself to get to this point, then then those central nervous system and balancing and and and coping, like I said, as you're driving, you're avoiding those potholes. But but again, too, you've got to understand your survivor. You're surviving that road where there's a lot of potholes. So eventually, as you're driving and you see those potholes, you can miss them. And once in a while, you know, you Marina Crane (01:21:21.272) You can hit a pothole, but the recovery is gonna be a lot faster. And and that's why I say healing is possible, especially when your brain has been traumatized from a very young age. And I and I use that like when I say I'm attracted to Sasquatches, yeah, that's that's like like that was the impetus or the the catalyst for self-exploration and reflection. And and I've had decades of doing that. Like I said, I I've spent most of my life not being sexually active and and most of the time when I have talked about human sexuality is with it's with women who've who've become who've chosen to have children who who have had these these traumatic events and who haven't had the ability or the capacity to find professional help to to guide them in accountability when when they're trying to deconstruct and reconstruct new pathways new neurological pathways. that don't have that eliminate a eliminate addictive addiction responses. Okay, so again, I I like I said I'm not a thy therapist, a social worker, or a psychologist. I'm an Indigenous elder who hopes to talk to a lot of young indigenous women and young and and and again middle aged women and even older women who have a difficult time understanding their sexual needs and even looking after their physical health. because it all associates with how we feel about ourselves and and any self destructive notions or idol idolations, fantasies or delusions, i we we ourselves can be our worst enemies. So we need to do some self-love as well as be accountable for those things that we are prone to to relapse in. Marina Crane (01:23:19.894) So I hope that helps you. I mean, I know it's been a fragmented podcast and I apologize and I'll probably go through my notes and and get a better introduction body and conclusion for for this. It it'll eventually come out as a podcast with some other indigenous women from that are Native American, the United States. And and because it's it's all has to do with colonization and how indigenous women have been silenced and shamed and and marketed and trafficked and and erased. Have a good day. It like I said it's Friday and I'm really I'm I'm I'm enjoying the day. I I really appreciate the fact that, you know, I I'm not being ghosted by everybody. one of the one of the key points too that that I had wanted to make sorry again there were so many things that I wanted to say, but Marina Crane (01:24:37.463) sorry. It's it's just sometimes the smoke really Is you know, like my voice changes every once in a while. But Marina Crane (01:25:05.026) We were talking too, there's I know there's some issues of rape culture and ritual abuse that I hadn't even talked about. And again too, I think sometimes I I'm I'm trying to I'm not trying to make make like things overwhelmed for you. Ha ha Marina Crane (01:25:33.654) Yeah, I d I don't know. Sometimes I thought I had I had some really good things here. Okay, here. This is called the book is called White Spaces Missing Faces. This book is called White Spaces Missing Faces by Why Women of Color Don't Trust White Women by Candace Jackson. Trust relationships is everything. This is what I want to conclude it on, okay? 'Cause like I said, I feel good because you know, I not all white people are bad, but but the relationships with with like with white women, relationships is everything women of color don't owe you trust. You earn it every day and every moment. White women tend to get comfortable once they establish a relationship with women of color. I know that. Like I like just recently I've had a white friend ghost me. It's highly possible to earn a woman of color's trust one day and lose it the next. It only takes one microaggression to lose the trust of a woman of color. Tell me about it. I keep on I had told her ever since I was a friend with her of how easy it is for me to to just not even care. 'Cause I've gone through it. I've been grifted before. Racism is a part of who you are and You have been indoctrinated into white supremacy in every part of your life. And I keep on saying that. I kept on saying that. And she said, I'm so sorry on behalf of all white people. I said, Do you know how I see you? I said, You're standing there and all behind you, you're there's a billion white people. Like like like how can you say these and justify this? So anyway, she says she says, I believe this is also applies even if you're not ethnically white, but you're white like me, like this lady. Is saying even what you even if you're not ethnically white but you're you're white, you always see the world through white eyes and the lens of privilege. Therefore it will always be easier for you to get too comfortable and messed up. Don't be comfortable. So this lady is saying, you know, the white spaces, missing faces, and why women of color don't trust white women. Even in academia, when I've sat there with PhDs and I, you know, and I said, you know, I just recently trusted Marina Crane (01:27:57.664) Now again, I've ha that trust has been broken. And you know, and here's all these academics looking at me and I'm going, no, as an elder. You know, this is a constant, constant thing. It's like it's like you know, deprogramming or yeah, deprogramming from being involved in a cult. She just like, my goodness. You know, and the reality of it is like, you know, even when I made a comment about my mother, like I said, when she first was pregnant, she thought she was gonna have a litter of puppies and this wom this white woman from academics in the crowd starts laughing. I took offense and I didn't address her, I just said to the audience, I said the reason my mother felt that way is because when she was in Indian residential school, though those white people who were looking after her treated her like a animal, treated treated everything that she did as an animal. Even when my grandmother, her gr my great grandmother came to visit my mom They my mom says they put her in the basement and they had her sleep on a bed of straw like a like a cow or or horse or a pig. The the reality is that my mother was raised as an invisible child. Nothing about human sexuality was ever taught to her. And and the fact that, you know, why get a white academic doesn't know what's what system systemic racism is, or that or that why in Indian residential school these children were treated like invisible. Because what? When they get into society all they're gonna be are slaves. They're gonna be invisible, just like you know, like the hired help, like a black slave. Marina Crane (01:29:42.136) You know, and the fact that there are some indiv indigenous people who were the house nigger. And I use that N-word really deliberately in the sense like, yes, we did indigenous people do we do have our own but but that's from from the reality of the the fear of like the fawning of yes master. And so, you know, undoing all this, we're part of it. were part of all of this. And and for me, and like I said to Wachashwashteya, who is a white man, you know, when he's talking, I said, you don't understand. You don't understand like for me I'm saying w why it's so hard for me to trust white women. So if it's hard for me to trust white women, how hard is it for me to trust white men? The other day I went to a food court, I was all by myself and I found an isolated place where I could eat. Lo and behold, an old white man came and sat behind me for like a half hour was eating and he was there staring. He thought I was alone and then finally the two people that I had come with found me and sat beside me. As soon as he realized I was with other people, he got up and he left. And I and I've said this throughout my life. I've had white men stalking me that way. Even in the state of Utah when I would walk to work, I had a man stal me with his car for a whole year. I used to have roommate I used to be, you know, rent and and people would break into our apartment and they just target me because I was an indigenous woman, a woman of color, in in in a very racist state. So yes, it's really difficult to trust white women. And and you know, I'm not like I said, it's you know it's racism is a part of who they are. They've been indoctrinated into white supremacy every day of their life. so again, the relationship don't you know, women of color don't owe you I don't own her trust. I do not owe anybody trust that's white. Marina Crane (01:32:01.762) You know, you you a person has to earn it every day. A person has to put those boundaries with me every day. And doesn't matter if you're male or female. You need to do that. And and for me I really appreciate what Chash Twashte for constantly putting those boundaries down with me. So anyway, that's my conclusion and my lesson. My lesson in love and life. Life is worth living and life is worth loving. And for all those who you know are feeling depressed and just feel like overwhelmed with what's happening, there there are invisible helping hands out there. There they there are. As hard as it may seem and as hard as life may seem, it it's worth living. Okay, so with that, thank you for listening and wopida midakyapi owasana. Creator Grand.