https://www.kairoscanada.org/missing-murdered-indigenous-women-girls/213-calls-for-justice
So many years ago, a lot was happening to my step- niece, Roberta. Prior to my brother and Nathan's sexual involvement with Roberta, her birth mother was still alive, but she was not present, nor did she herself ever meet Nathan. To date, throughout in the United States and Canada, reports of parents giving up their daughters and sons to Nathan were reported and these stories are still being reported to this day of how he tried recruiting girls and boys. I'd like you to understand that my brother had given up Roberta to Nathan. It wasn't until after my brother was arrested for sexual interference with Roberta and after he served his time in prison that the reasoning behind his gifting or Human Trafficking of, Roberta to Nathan was to hide what he had done to Roberta. From all the conversations I have had with my brother, it appears that these two men had made an agreement. My brother took Roberta to Bear Butte, South Dakota, so he could fast for Nathan’s Sundance, and it was here that Roberta was introduced to Nathan’s other child brides. The agreement was that Nathan would take Roberta as his wife, providing that my brother would never ever sexually interfere with Roberta ever again; however, once he did. My eldest niece who was closest to Nathan’s age, who had nothing to do with Roberta prior to meeting Nathan due to difference in age. I believe she was directed by Nathan to report my brother to the local authorities. When I say directed or instructed by Nathan, Roberta contacted my oldest niece to report what my brother was doing to her. The agreement struck by these two men was broken and Roberta knew so she reported this back to Nathan, who in turned gave instructions to call the authorities. Understand that Roberta was in constant contact with Nathan once she started having sexual relations with him. This communication between them was orchestrated by Nathan alone who manipulated Roberta as well as both my brother and my niece to help him get Roberta to the United States so that she could be one of his many child brides. Roberta was so vulnerable. She kept clinging to this belief that Nathan loved only her and was so enraged when she discovered Nathan took other girls from Tsuu Tina instead of her. She kept this secret until she finally realized this fantasy Nathan created for her would never happen.
A little background history about Roberta's mother was that she met my brother and her former therapist in Vancouver, British Columbia. She had very difficult childhood as her mother had been an alcoholic, and from all reports from her own mother; had herself lived a very high-risk lifestyle that ultimately put all her children in foster homes. They were part of what is now called the 60’s Scoop. Roberta's mom had been addicted to very hard street drugs and as a result all her five children, were born with disabilities as well. Roberta was one of five children from my late sister-in-law, she was the third oldest with my brother raising Roberta’s two younger half-siblings. From all indications, my sister-in-law placed her three eldest children in foster care once they reached two years of age. As a result, none of the siblings knew each other until after my sister-in-law had passed. My sister-in-law had lost track of her three of her children and with the help of her former therapist, Roberta was able to be found in a group home. From all reports from the former therapist, it was revealed Roberta was sexually abused at an early age. I don't want to go into too much history about my late sister in-law’s former therapist until later in this Blog. Roberta was placed into a group foster home after my brother’s arrest. We had talked and she was quite convinced that Roberta had become the mirror-image of her. She would make comments such as “I know my daughter and I know what type of person she is because she is who I was” or “She is who I am.” At that moment in time, the relationship between the mother and daughter was quite tumultuous. Both were using street drugs, and both were very angry and emotionally vulnerable indigenous women. They physically fought over one man, and that man was my brother. Roberta at the time, truly believed those closest to her were her lover, Nathan Chasing Horse; my brother, (her stepdad), and my niece (my eldest niece). Roberta truly believed that she was destined to be Nathan's wife as here there were three adults supporting her belief. In hindsight, I believe my brother knew Nathan was having sex with his stepdaughter as he knew Nathan would pick up Roberta at school for private visits; however, I don't believe my (other) niece knew about Nathan's sexual interference with Roberta. I believe she just thought she was following Nathan's orders to get Roberta spiritual help from him. I believe my older niece thought she was benefitting from Nathan’s spiritual teaching and anytime Roberta was allowed time away from the group home my oldest niece would take Roberta to him. I truly believe that was one of the reasons why Roberta thought for so many years she would be with Nathan. Only because there were two adults who were encouraging her and supporting her to be with him.
It was during this time Roberta's mother was diagnosed with cancer. As I was guardian of Roberta’s two younger half-siblings, it was left up to me to take her two children to visit their mother while she was lying in the hospital dying. Two factors were going against me in taking her two children to the hospital; one was my brother, who did not want his children to be with their mother, and two, Roberta explosive anger and bitterness towards her mother and her-stepdad (my brother). All my efforts to make sure Roberta did not visit her mother alone were made by me. I explained the situation to my sister-in-law's doctor. He advised me that it was important that her children were able to visit their dying mother on her deathbed. As he said these would be their last memories, they would have of her. Going against my brother’s wishes I took my niece and nephew to visit their mother anyway. At the same time, efforts to protect Roberta's mother against Roberta had to be a considered as she had visited her in the hospital previously causing quite a scene and was promptly asked to leave. It’s difficult for anyone to understand the self-harming nature of a child like Roberta but that was what was happening. Roberta was at high risk.
I am writing this in memory of my late sister-in-law, as I was there for her in the final days of her life, and believe she was one of the contributing factors for me writing this blog. It is still a difficult memory for me. As I sat with her in the hospital for days on end she would be screaming in excruciating pain. As the days progressed before her very final days, her doctor would come in to increase her morphine dosage. The decision was given to me from her doctor as to whether I thought she should be half-sedated or fully sedated before her death, as I was the only person visiting her. I suggested to the Doctor that I thought being half-sedated was a better alternative since I hoped her family members would come visit her. And she in turn should be able to be aware of their presence. Making the final decision for her was such a difficult decision. Those closest to her were not there yet I still made every effort to ensure her son and her daughter would talk to her over the phone, or even come and visit and sit by her bedside. My late mother took care of the two children while I stayed by their mother’s bedside.
My late sister-in-law was so drugged-up from the morphine that she would sit up and try to get out of bed unaware of her situation desiring just to get dressed while looking at me and imploring, “let's get out of here!" It was a very difficult time.
Nobody would believe me as to how very dangerous Roberta became towards me her parents nor how dangerous Nathan was towards me. For example, my brother was viciously attacked with a machete and almost died from his assault. A conspiracy existed that it was Roberta who had hired somebody to kill my brother for what he had done to her. As my later sister-in-law related that she knew her daughter and knew what she could do. Whether it was Roberta or my late sister-in-law looking for revenge, it was a dangerous situation. My sister-in-law did not at all understand the relationship my brother and my niece had with Nathan, nor was she ever aware of the slander of my character that was created to keep me quiet. She put all the blame on Roberta for seducing my brother. It did not help my efforts to help support Roberta as Nathan manipulated my nieces and everyone around him gaslighting me. Making up different scenario that I was addicted to Nathan. This is why I have devoted a section on “Limerence” in this blog. I was the enemy! I was the cougar! I was chasing Nathan as a scorned reject elderly woman. An indigenous elder woman, knowledge keeper who did not know how to control her own sexual urges or dare I say. "My sexual responses towards any man!" My late sister-in-law's last two days of her life languished interminably while she laid in her bed all the while half sedated. Finally, her mother and her uncle and her brothers came and visited blaming the uncle for not telling them her condition was in fact terminal. My brother took care of his ex-wife's funeral, but it was left up to me to take care of her body to prepare her for burial.
Shortly after Nathan Chasing Horse was arrested in January 2023, people asked me why I did I start the blog. There were so many extenuating factors that came to play so many years ago. I believe the main factor was the tumultuous relationship Roberta had with her parents. As well as the relationship she had with my niece, the adult, who was so desperately seeking Nathan’s spiritual guidance and approval. It was important for my niece, to see my brother for his sexual interference with Roberta; however, my niece, the adult, could not see that Nathan sexually interfered with Roberta but condemned everyone for Roberta’s tragic lifestyle. Never considering how actively she participated in Nathan’s corrupt lifestyle. Her contact with Nathan continued until his arrest and prior from two years back spoke with Nathan weekly. Her adult son was in Nathan’s house when Nathan was arrested.
Decades ago, I had requested a psychotherapist to interview Roberta. She wanted to have visits with her half brother and half sister. I would allow her visitation only if the psychotherapist was present and supervising. This was the recommendation the psychotherapist made because he commented that she was a great danger to herself, as well as to her brother and sister. When I asked him, how he concluded this danger, he said that when he asked her about the difference between Nathan and my brother, she could not see the similarities. She could not see that there were two adult men who were sexually interfering with her. The reality is that they were two grown men, two adults, who tried desperately to control Roberta, the child. And don't forget my niece, as my eldest niece was an adult female, who had befriended Roberta at the request of Nathan. Prior to Nathan visiting here, said niece would have had nothing to do with Roberta.
In hindsight, maybe if Roberta visited her half brother and sister, and just maybe while being supervised by a psychotherapist they could have engaged in family group counseling as siblings. The effort was made on my part to make a supportive environment for them to meet but Roberta didn't take the opportunity to engage with her half-brother and sister afterwards. Only in the last few years of Roberta's life was she able to reconnect with her all her half-brothers and half sisters. It was not all Roberta’s fault nor her siblings that at some point in all their lives they found themselves in foster care or up for adoption. It was not her fault she was born experiencing withdrawal symptoms nor the sexual abuse she experienced throughout her short-lived life. She was just a child of eight, when my sister-in-law asked her friend, the psychotherapist from Vancouver to find Roberta.
It is why I wonder to this day just how many children are taken into foster care or adoption who have absolutely no support. How many children are trafficked? How many are exhibiting self-harm idealization. How many more children end up missing or murdered? Hasn't this gone on for decades and decades? Or are we still under the believe that white supremacy is compassionate and peaceful? Or are we as indigenous people still allowing ourselves to be shamed into believing spiritual activism in fighting and healing from white supremacy is wrong? I don't live in some isolated Reserve in the middle of nowhere. I live next to a major city of a million plus people. Mental health infrastructure was in place; however, to this day I wonder exactly who is it serving? When 2 billion is set aside for Calls for Justice and the Minister says "60%-70% of these Call for Justice" are acted on and yet from all indications only TWO were met to date. Where are all these statistics coming from? Police & Social Workers, Psychotherapists, and Provincial Child and Family Service? For sure it is not reaching our indigenous children at all! If there have even been little improvements from seventeen years ago, where are all the statistics? My story, my blog, is just a small fraction of what is happening or what indigenous children are still experiencing. Yes! My late Sister-in-law fully needed support. She was correct in describing her daughter Roberta as being just like her. In some ways, yes as both were products of high-risk births from their own mothers and both endeared trauma throughout their short lived lives. I tried to be there for or Roberta, and I am indeed grateful I was there for her mother in the final days of her life. I couldn't help Roberta; however, I've tried helping her siblings and Roberta's late mom. Yes! Nathan gaslighted me for decades. His ex-followers warned me continuously, that he was trying to hurt me. I would tell them, as I've done so for years, saying to them “He has already hurt me more than anyone can ever imagine. What more can he do? As I write this blog; the emotional pain of being there for my late sister-in-law who struggled with all her addictions. For Roberta, for the decade after her mom's death struggling with her own addictions and prostitution is still very visceral. I say to those people who were courageous enough to seek me out year after year. I say again to them, in this blog, Nathan can gaslight me all he wants. He has hurt so many people.
Nathan Chasing Horse hurt those that I love and continue to love. After all isn't this the only healing tool we have as human being is our capacity to love one another. I hope those he's hurt are reading this blog and can understand that they are not alone. I warned him that last time I ever spoke to him seventeen years ago, to talk to those who were infatuated with him. In hindsight, please read my blog post about Limerence. It is an addiction to a human being that has a greater impact on the human psyche than people care to admit. I am paraphrasing what I said, "You are working with so many women and their daughters each having an infatuation with you. You have a responsibility to speak the truth. Don't hurt them! You are going to hurt so many girls and women if you don’t tell them, you have a family." These were the last words I spoke to him. As much as his ex-followers wanted to believe I have spoken with him since or the impression from them is that I was addicted to him. I tell them, “Listen to yourselves, hear what you are telling me and think. I am writing this so those who may still think I am an older cougar stalking my prey, Nathan Chasing Horse. Understand. I buried my sister-in-law. I sat with her on her deathbed. I tried to stay present for her. The anger Roberta had towards those she loved as a child, Nathan helped create that anger.” I think that it had been around when Roberta reported she was sexually assaulted by Nathan Chasing Horse to the City of Calgary Police. Prior to 2015, she had so many opportunities to report Nathan, but if she only she had some access to mental health support. As I have stated she was under Provincial care when she was arrested in one of Calgary's most major drug busts. And yet she was still a minor. Systemic racism is a beast that is alive and well thriving in our indigenous communities and our environments every time we “step off the reservation.” (American Slur.)
A little background history about Roberta's mother was that she met my brother and her former therapist in Vancouver, British Columbia. She had very difficult childhood as her mother had been an alcoholic, and from all reports from her own mother; had herself lived a very high-risk lifestyle that ultimately put all her children in foster homes. They were part of what is now called the 60’s Scoop. Roberta's mom had been addicted to very hard street drugs and as a result all her five children, were born with disabilities as well. Roberta was one of five children from my late sister-in-law, she was the third oldest with my brother raising Roberta’s two younger half-siblings. From all indications, my sister-in-law placed her three eldest children in foster care once they reached two years of age. As a result, none of the siblings knew each other until after my sister-in-law had passed. My sister-in-law had lost track of her three of her children and with the help of her former therapist, Roberta was able to be found in a group home. From all reports from the former therapist, it was revealed Roberta was sexually abused at an early age. I don't want to go into too much history about my late sister in-law’s former therapist until later in this Blog. Roberta was placed into a group foster home after my brother’s arrest. We had talked and she was quite convinced that Roberta had become the mirror-image of her. She would make comments such as “I know my daughter and I know what type of person she is because she is who I was” or “She is who I am.” At that moment in time, the relationship between the mother and daughter was quite tumultuous. Both were using street drugs, and both were very angry and emotionally vulnerable indigenous women. They physically fought over one man, and that man was my brother. Roberta at the time, truly believed those closest to her were her lover, Nathan Chasing Horse; my brother, (her stepdad), and my niece (my eldest niece). Roberta truly believed that she was destined to be Nathan's wife as here there were three adults supporting her belief. In hindsight, I believe my brother knew Nathan was having sex with his stepdaughter as he knew Nathan would pick up Roberta at school for private visits; however, I don't believe my (other) niece knew about Nathan's sexual interference with Roberta. I believe she just thought she was following Nathan's orders to get Roberta spiritual help from him. I believe my older niece thought she was benefitting from Nathan’s spiritual teaching and anytime Roberta was allowed time away from the group home my oldest niece would take Roberta to him. I truly believe that was one of the reasons why Roberta thought for so many years she would be with Nathan. Only because there were two adults who were encouraging her and supporting her to be with him.
It was during this time Roberta's mother was diagnosed with cancer. As I was guardian of Roberta’s two younger half-siblings, it was left up to me to take her two children to visit their mother while she was lying in the hospital dying. Two factors were going against me in taking her two children to the hospital; one was my brother, who did not want his children to be with their mother, and two, Roberta explosive anger and bitterness towards her mother and her-stepdad (my brother). All my efforts to make sure Roberta did not visit her mother alone were made by me. I explained the situation to my sister-in-law's doctor. He advised me that it was important that her children were able to visit their dying mother on her deathbed. As he said these would be their last memories, they would have of her. Going against my brother’s wishes I took my niece and nephew to visit their mother anyway. At the same time, efforts to protect Roberta's mother against Roberta had to be a considered as she had visited her in the hospital previously causing quite a scene and was promptly asked to leave. It’s difficult for anyone to understand the self-harming nature of a child like Roberta but that was what was happening. Roberta was at high risk.
I am writing this in memory of my late sister-in-law, as I was there for her in the final days of her life, and believe she was one of the contributing factors for me writing this blog. It is still a difficult memory for me. As I sat with her in the hospital for days on end she would be screaming in excruciating pain. As the days progressed before her very final days, her doctor would come in to increase her morphine dosage. The decision was given to me from her doctor as to whether I thought she should be half-sedated or fully sedated before her death, as I was the only person visiting her. I suggested to the Doctor that I thought being half-sedated was a better alternative since I hoped her family members would come visit her. And she in turn should be able to be aware of their presence. Making the final decision for her was such a difficult decision. Those closest to her were not there yet I still made every effort to ensure her son and her daughter would talk to her over the phone, or even come and visit and sit by her bedside. My late mother took care of the two children while I stayed by their mother’s bedside.
My late sister-in-law was so drugged-up from the morphine that she would sit up and try to get out of bed unaware of her situation desiring just to get dressed while looking at me and imploring, “let's get out of here!" It was a very difficult time.
Nobody would believe me as to how very dangerous Roberta became towards me her parents nor how dangerous Nathan was towards me. For example, my brother was viciously attacked with a machete and almost died from his assault. A conspiracy existed that it was Roberta who had hired somebody to kill my brother for what he had done to her. As my later sister-in-law related that she knew her daughter and knew what she could do. Whether it was Roberta or my late sister-in-law looking for revenge, it was a dangerous situation. My sister-in-law did not at all understand the relationship my brother and my niece had with Nathan, nor was she ever aware of the slander of my character that was created to keep me quiet. She put all the blame on Roberta for seducing my brother. It did not help my efforts to help support Roberta as Nathan manipulated my nieces and everyone around him gaslighting me. Making up different scenario that I was addicted to Nathan. This is why I have devoted a section on “Limerence” in this blog. I was the enemy! I was the cougar! I was chasing Nathan as a scorned reject elderly woman. An indigenous elder woman, knowledge keeper who did not know how to control her own sexual urges or dare I say. "My sexual responses towards any man!" My late sister-in-law's last two days of her life languished interminably while she laid in her bed all the while half sedated. Finally, her mother and her uncle and her brothers came and visited blaming the uncle for not telling them her condition was in fact terminal. My brother took care of his ex-wife's funeral, but it was left up to me to take care of her body to prepare her for burial.
Shortly after Nathan Chasing Horse was arrested in January 2023, people asked me why I did I start the blog. There were so many extenuating factors that came to play so many years ago. I believe the main factor was the tumultuous relationship Roberta had with her parents. As well as the relationship she had with my niece, the adult, who was so desperately seeking Nathan’s spiritual guidance and approval. It was important for my niece, to see my brother for his sexual interference with Roberta; however, my niece, the adult, could not see that Nathan sexually interfered with Roberta but condemned everyone for Roberta’s tragic lifestyle. Never considering how actively she participated in Nathan’s corrupt lifestyle. Her contact with Nathan continued until his arrest and prior from two years back spoke with Nathan weekly. Her adult son was in Nathan’s house when Nathan was arrested.
Decades ago, I had requested a psychotherapist to interview Roberta. She wanted to have visits with her half brother and half sister. I would allow her visitation only if the psychotherapist was present and supervising. This was the recommendation the psychotherapist made because he commented that she was a great danger to herself, as well as to her brother and sister. When I asked him, how he concluded this danger, he said that when he asked her about the difference between Nathan and my brother, she could not see the similarities. She could not see that there were two adult men who were sexually interfering with her. The reality is that they were two grown men, two adults, who tried desperately to control Roberta, the child. And don't forget my niece, as my eldest niece was an adult female, who had befriended Roberta at the request of Nathan. Prior to Nathan visiting here, said niece would have had nothing to do with Roberta.
In hindsight, maybe if Roberta visited her half brother and sister, and just maybe while being supervised by a psychotherapist they could have engaged in family group counseling as siblings. The effort was made on my part to make a supportive environment for them to meet but Roberta didn't take the opportunity to engage with her half-brother and sister afterwards. Only in the last few years of Roberta's life was she able to reconnect with her all her half-brothers and half sisters. It was not all Roberta’s fault nor her siblings that at some point in all their lives they found themselves in foster care or up for adoption. It was not her fault she was born experiencing withdrawal symptoms nor the sexual abuse she experienced throughout her short-lived life. She was just a child of eight, when my sister-in-law asked her friend, the psychotherapist from Vancouver to find Roberta.
It is why I wonder to this day just how many children are taken into foster care or adoption who have absolutely no support. How many children are trafficked? How many are exhibiting self-harm idealization. How many more children end up missing or murdered? Hasn't this gone on for decades and decades? Or are we still under the believe that white supremacy is compassionate and peaceful? Or are we as indigenous people still allowing ourselves to be shamed into believing spiritual activism in fighting and healing from white supremacy is wrong? I don't live in some isolated Reserve in the middle of nowhere. I live next to a major city of a million plus people. Mental health infrastructure was in place; however, to this day I wonder exactly who is it serving? When 2 billion is set aside for Calls for Justice and the Minister says "60%-70% of these Call for Justice" are acted on and yet from all indications only TWO were met to date. Where are all these statistics coming from? Police & Social Workers, Psychotherapists, and Provincial Child and Family Service? For sure it is not reaching our indigenous children at all! If there have even been little improvements from seventeen years ago, where are all the statistics? My story, my blog, is just a small fraction of what is happening or what indigenous children are still experiencing. Yes! My late Sister-in-law fully needed support. She was correct in describing her daughter Roberta as being just like her. In some ways, yes as both were products of high-risk births from their own mothers and both endeared trauma throughout their short lived lives. I tried to be there for or Roberta, and I am indeed grateful I was there for her mother in the final days of her life. I couldn't help Roberta; however, I've tried helping her siblings and Roberta's late mom. Yes! Nathan gaslighted me for decades. His ex-followers warned me continuously, that he was trying to hurt me. I would tell them, as I've done so for years, saying to them “He has already hurt me more than anyone can ever imagine. What more can he do? As I write this blog; the emotional pain of being there for my late sister-in-law who struggled with all her addictions. For Roberta, for the decade after her mom's death struggling with her own addictions and prostitution is still very visceral. I say to those people who were courageous enough to seek me out year after year. I say again to them, in this blog, Nathan can gaslight me all he wants. He has hurt so many people.
Nathan Chasing Horse hurt those that I love and continue to love. After all isn't this the only healing tool we have as human being is our capacity to love one another. I hope those he's hurt are reading this blog and can understand that they are not alone. I warned him that last time I ever spoke to him seventeen years ago, to talk to those who were infatuated with him. In hindsight, please read my blog post about Limerence. It is an addiction to a human being that has a greater impact on the human psyche than people care to admit. I am paraphrasing what I said, "You are working with so many women and their daughters each having an infatuation with you. You have a responsibility to speak the truth. Don't hurt them! You are going to hurt so many girls and women if you don’t tell them, you have a family." These were the last words I spoke to him. As much as his ex-followers wanted to believe I have spoken with him since or the impression from them is that I was addicted to him. I tell them, “Listen to yourselves, hear what you are telling me and think. I am writing this so those who may still think I am an older cougar stalking my prey, Nathan Chasing Horse. Understand. I buried my sister-in-law. I sat with her on her deathbed. I tried to stay present for her. The anger Roberta had towards those she loved as a child, Nathan helped create that anger.” I think that it had been around when Roberta reported she was sexually assaulted by Nathan Chasing Horse to the City of Calgary Police. Prior to 2015, she had so many opportunities to report Nathan, but if she only she had some access to mental health support. As I have stated she was under Provincial care when she was arrested in one of Calgary's most major drug busts. And yet she was still a minor. Systemic racism is a beast that is alive and well thriving in our indigenous communities and our environments every time we “step off the reservation.” (American Slur.)
