Green eyed monsters called jealous & envy

years ago, I created this blog to warn people about Nathan chasing Horse. Nobody wanted to believe that he was a bad man. Nobody wanted to believe that he was a false medicine man. Nobody wanted to believe that he was capable of hurting so many women. 

since being interviewed in the documentary i’ve had time to reflect. There were many people who had been in contact with Nathan chasing course over the past two decades is phenomenal. The reality of it is that people still follow him as people still support him and there will be people out there who just don’t get what I was trying to do.

I am holding up to know of a time when people just were so ashamed and so ignorant that they didn’t want to even be thought of as being Indian. Through the decades, I’ve seen the word Indian changed to the word indigenous in this transition to try and identify who we are as indigenous people. There has been a cluster of so many non-indigenous people, claiming some sort of small percentage of DNA that their indigenous 

there are also so many indigenous people who is a parent was either an Indian Residential School either one or both or they’ve been in foster care and adopted out and are reconnecting. The surge to reconnect has made a lot of them very vulnerable to people like Nathan chasing Horse. But at the same time too it’s also hiding a lot of white supremacist a lot of racist who are claiming to be indigenous.

I could continue talking about pretend and people and at the same time what good would it do? It exists it exists out there, and there are people out there who are trying to be spiritual people and make money off of their spirituality. And they’re doing it to people who want to reconnect or want to identify as indigenous and yet these people don’t have no contact with a community. They have no contact with their blood relatives. They have no support from community. They have never grown up in a community as a child as a teenager as an adult as a partner as an elder, they are just totally off in another dimension. So what does it have to do with my decision to not be interviewed. 

well, this is it. I have no say over what people do after they talk to me they have their own minds they make up their own decisions. I’ve seen 17 years of people coming to me and warning them about Nathan chasing course and the actions that they took or didn’t take that was totally left up to them. so with this interview process, I know it’s not really something. I really really deep look at but the reality of it yeah I could’ve said yes I could’ve been on major network in the United States. But there’s nothing there. I’ve done what I needed to do like I said to the states in the documentary what took you so long. But see you in the United States they really don’t care . In my opinion, you know they want chasing horse they want to make an example of him because he’s indigenous I get that and he’s also dangerous. I get that to. 

but for me, I wanted to warn people I did. I wanted people to know that this Nathan chasing course was a bad man who did bad things to children, women and an elders. Whether they believe me or not, that’s not the question anymore because he’s he’s in jail and hopefully will serve the rest of his life in prison. This being said is I don’t have any more reason to be interviewed by anybody because Nathan chasing horses caught he’s not gonna hurt anybody. And as for his victims, they have a lifetime of healing and for those people who still want to hurt his followers or hurt people like his followers are very vulnerable people it’ll continue to happen until they have the courage to heal themselves. So this being said is I really don’t care about the notoriety I really don’t care if people interview me because , you know this is a very fragile life we live,

I just saying I’m disappointed in most of the times when I talk to people I know and they say well it’s best not to get interviewed. They say that because they they they want they want to be interviewed themselves, but they want to have notoriety themselves that they want to have that exposure. But see I didn’t ask for this I didn’t ask for this exposure, I didn’t think Nathan chasing Horse was such a big name. Chasing horse was a dick is and continues to be a dangerous person. Has nothing to do with me wanting to be famous. It’s hard for me to comprehend when people say well you’re famous what is fame that’s the question and again what stupid question that’s not the reason for my blog like I said I didn’t even think Nathan was famous. I knew he played a part and you know that made millions of dollars but you know that’s not my reality. 

I am an elder and I just would like to just enjoy what life I have left on this planet. I have adopt a young adopted couple who called me their auntie and who are there to support me and basically this is what they told me. It’s one thing to be an knowledge keeper it’s one thing to be a spiritual person, but if you don’t have your health, and if you are not looking after your physical self, you die. It’s important to take care of ourselves take care of our physical cells and in the past decade I haven’t. I’ve had some very serious injuries to my lower back and I have to start to really think about whatever time I have left on this planet. So my interest isn’t for anything to get famous so to be interviewed it but if I’m working on a project where people need to understand the project I will be interviewed and most projects that I’ve involved with aren’t  around me they’re around groups of people like Indian Residential School survivors. Like anti-racism and what happens to minorities in the city of Calgary. And an artist like what kind of support do we have for artists as well as young people how do we get a support system in place for our vulnerable youth. 

these are the questions that I get interviewed on TV local TV in the city of Calgary. The fact that I appeared on a national TV show is not like like it’s not what it seems or appears to be. I did what I needed to do. It’s done, it’s out there for young people communities to bring awareness to the spiritual abuse that our own people are inflicted on ourselves and our people our communities are families. Now it’s up to people who have questions to see how these documentaries talk to your families, talk to your communities reconnect with your families and communities. Go to sweat, Lodge, and ceremonies in your communities that are connected to your families don’t be searching up for the next coming of Christ in some spiritual person that claims to be the descendents of someone and so and so.  like people get so lost up in academia they forget that were human beings and and again you know I’m really grateful. I am truly grateful that I said no I will not participate in being interviewed in the next documentary that’s gonna air in the United States the United States like what that’s 350 million people no I don’t need that. I lived in the United States believe me I lived in the United States and I know the silly questions they ask me is an indigenous person. 

so no, I’m not gonna get interviewed. Wanna know about what it’s like to be an indigenous person. Read this blog connect with my my my Internet my webpage that’s coming out. Email me do a zoom conference with me but you know the reality of it is no I’m not gonna I’m not going to do this anymore. Whatever it is, I’m going to do. It’s going to be there to help young women young men young people I’ve lived a long life I’ve I’ve gone through all that I’m educated I’m academic and the reality of it is I’m retired. I’ve taken care of. People are jealous of the fact that people want to interview me , what can I say? People look at me and they say oh she’s you know she wears her skin yeah but you know that’s your narrative. You don’t know who I am or the content of my messages and if people wanna interview me for the content of my messages, then so be it, but for the time being, I am not going to be interviewed for anymore  documentaries regarding Nathan chasing course. 

everything I know about him or know about what happened is in this blog in my website it’s it’s. It’s not old news a lot of people and indigenous communities already know this. They already know these things about him. It’s just courage to take a look and know that you can do it yourself you can do it yourself. You can heal yourself. You can walk that spiritual path yourself, OK that being said I just wanted to put it out there. I was a bit annoyed this morning when I was told that that it’s not good for me to be seen so many times and news media and I thought who am I to be seen in news media it’s not like I’m begging people to interview me . I don’t go out of my way newspaper store. I don’t know why people talk like that to me anyway that’s a bit frustrating, but I’ve gone through all that with Nathan chasing horses followers confronting me trying to email me and crediting me and do whatever the hell they want to do to be, but you know I mean all I did and all I’ve ever done is to warn people he’s not a good person , trust your Gut feelings.

Ding Dong the ‘NCH’ He’ll rot in prison

When the latest news came out I got messages from friends, acquaintances & social media feeds. I was told once his followers realize ‘his goose is cooked’ they made become angry or angered towards people like myself.

 https://www.aptnnews.ca/national-news/dances-with-wolves-actor-nathan-chasing-horse-facing-new-charges-in-nevada/

https://www.aptnnews.ca/national-news/dances-with-wolves-actor-nathan-chasing-horse-facing-new-charges-in-nevada/

A young couple told me that there are two things; spirituality & knowledge, but if we do not look after our physical self we could die sooner. So many died too young & I need to take care myself.

The triggers we respond to become so automatic we forget it takes us into relapse mode & revived is what we want. This applies to every behaviour under the sun. 

‘As the Stomach turns’ so are days of our lives 🤪

 https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMhyRgXgK/

So November 5 is going to appear in court again. Well it ain’t over until the fat lady sings is the old saying right?

One of his alleged 15-year-old victims had said that when he had picked her up from her school that he went to a fast food place bought hamburgers and then proceeded to take her to a motel. This motel was a CD unexposed room where he allegedly videotaped himself having sex with her. it does not surprise me that he kept videotapes as his trophies or his prizes of who he hunted. Just thinking about what goes on in this guy‘s mind. That he would want to keep some sort of trophy or some sort of regalia or something that would remind him of his accomplishments or his recall trap line . A trap line is a worn area through the bushes where you know you can find food and then you set your traps. 

sadly, in Indian country, there are so many perpetrators who continually exploit and continually SA so many girls, or they manipulate women. There are stories within each community of such men who, in their younger years, started off, being very promiscuous, very sought after, very charismatic, and had many women chasing them. the sad reality of it is was a cover was a fade. It was a shade or a masking of who they are or were and their true intentions. As the decades go by living indigenous community, we tend to see how these individuals grow and what they continue to do and how they raise their families.  it’s only after decades that one of the victims find courage and charges the individual. We see this all the time in our communities. The citizen something new. However, I truly believe that the more people tell their stories the more these young women find courage to support each other in taking any perpetrator to court helps. 

sometimes I don’t even think that men realize their attitudes towards women. I think it’s why some male therapist go to therapy. People call it a burnt out stage sometimes I wonder how that thin line or thin boundary. Even exist for therapist or psychologist for that matter. It’s almost like crossing over. They become or think like the perpetrator, and they basically stock their clients overtly. you have to understand they hold a lot of secrets. So somewhere along the line, they cross some invisible boundary, but it’s OK to be in control of another person. Anyway, I’m speaking academically and again I’m not an academic so I just know from experience dealing with all types of people, especially when it comes to talking about this topic of Nathan chasing Horse. It’s amazing how many men I’ve talked to and at the same time too these men have the ability to do something and don’t. Which really frustrates me because, they’re supposed to be laws that they follow and understand and can report and they don’t. 

for any of Nathan chasing courses victims, I repeat again go to your local police station and report. I know it’s scary and I know that they may not believe you. Find courage to do it. I know it’s hard. It took me 20 years to report my sexual assault. I did it and I don’t regret reporting it. And I don’t regret the many blessings that came after. When I mean, blessings I feel that it’s more of ability to express how I feel it’s it’s a freedom. I’m still learning and I hope to continue learning and continue helping others who want to just talk or want some direction .

throat this whole ordeal I’ve done tarot card readings. I do this as I do this the stories and the reports of sexual assault or just manipulation or lateral violence that comes from my clients very draining. Draining in the sense that it continues. Say in a day that I set up to do the readings, it drains me. I do this because when they come to me, they disclose and talk about things that they normally wouldn’t talk to their therapist or psychologist. this is the freedom I’m talking about it’s it’s learned experience learned knowledge, and the result of it as I explain isn’t for me to promote that I’m gifted. No it’s me letting people know that I can help and yet at the same time only for brief. After they leave me, I have no memory of them. And until I see them maybe weeks months or years later, do I hear any follow up from them about my readings. 

some of the women that come to me live with partners who are so cruel. Women don’t need to live with people being emotionally abusive to them or physically abusive to them. I think sometimes we are our greatest enemies. I feel that way about myself every day. But there’s something in all human beings where we get up get ready for the day and do what we need to do.

I think the lesson about Nathan chasing Horse and community is is to go home to your communities help your families out, help your communities out that’s the primary thing and hopefully Justice will be served and whatever capacity or anybody is involved in helping a victim of violence or a victim of systemic racism or somebody who was just grieving over an injustice that happened to someone they loved.