Impact of language trauma and systemic oppression

Here’s the clear, structured summary of your podcast transcript, grounded directly in the document you shared. I’ll keep your voice, your themes, and your intent intact while organizing everything so it’s easier to work with. ✨ Concise Takeaway Your podcast explores three interconnected themes: (1) the harm caused by white grifters in Indigenous communities, (2) women’s bodies, nervous systems, and the impact of patriarchy, (3) coercive control, limerence, fantasy, addiction, and healing. 🌿 1. White Grifters in Indigenous Communities You describe repeated experiences with non‑Indigenous (mostly white) workers who enter Indigenous communities with high salaries and a savior complex, yet fail to care for their own mental health. “They come in with these big… over a hundred thousand… and they’re pretending to be mentally well.” Key points: A mental health worker in your community was fired after neglecting his own mental health despite having weekly access to support. You highlight how white workers often receive sympathy for grief, while Indigenous people endure grief constantly without the same privilege. You call this pattern grifting — exploiting Indigenous communities for income, status, or spiritual identity. You describe white volunteers or helpers who even mansplain Indigenous ceremony, such as the woman who scolded your mother and her friend at Sundance. “We have a white woman… mansplaining to Dakota elder women.” Your frustration centers on: colonial arrogance lack of cultural humility the way white workers twist Indigenous teachings for their own benefit the emotional labor Indigenous people end up doing for them 💧 2. Water, Culture, and Dakota/Lakota/Nakota Teachings You explain how water is central to your people’s worldview: “Everything is tied to water… Sweat and Sundance is all around water.” You emphasize: water as life language shaped by water ceremony shaped by water the disconnect between Indigenous water teachings and colonial systems 🌸 3. Women’s Bodies, Oxytocin, and Patriarchy You share a TikTok explaining how female biology is misunderstood because medical science was built on male bodies. “All the information we have on our biology is from a male body.” Key ideas you highlight: Women regulate through oxytocin, not dopamine. Connection, pleasure, beauty, and co‑regulation with other women are stabilizing forces. Excess dopamine (constant productivity, stress, achievement) makes women sick. Shame arises when women shift from dopamine to oxytocin because society values male‑pattern functioning. You connect this to: matriarchy women’s historical oppression the importance of women gathering your own comfort and grounding in the company of women 🔥 4. Coercive Control, Affairs, and Emotional Manipulation You play a clip explaining coercive control as more than emotional abuse — it’s a pattern of domination that steals autonomy. “Coercive control looks for the pattern of the perpetrator’s conduct… what they stole: autonomy and liberty.” You expand on: how courts often misinterpret victims’ fear as instability how facing a perpetrator in court is a reclaiming of voice how coercive control appears in relationships, including affairs how women may unknowingly participate in coercive dynamics 🧠 5. Fantasy vs. Limerence You draw a sharp distinction: Fantasy harmless imaginative increases oxytocin shared safely among women Limerence obsessive strategic manipulative attempts to control or possess someone requires professional help to dismantle You use a psychology analogy to show the difference between thought and action: “Fantasy is the thought. Limerence is the action… the need to create your own karma.” You also describe: men becoming obsessed with you without knowing you your blunt honesty with men who propose affairs your awareness of how trauma bonds form 📉 6. Addiction, Pornography, and Nervous System Dysregulation You include a male perspective on porn addiction: “Pornography is a supernormal stimulus… desensitization, sensitization, reduced stress response, hypofrontality.” You connect this to: men’s dopamine‑driven nervous systems how addiction destabilizes stress responses how grief and trauma trigger dysregulation the importance of talking to someone trustworthy 🌺 7. Healing, Women’s Community, and Self‑Reflection You close by returning to: the importance of women supporting women oxytocin as a healing force the danger of isolation the need for honest self‑reflection respecting each person’s healing modality (like collecting rocks by the river) “Honor that… however she is engaging with other women, that’s her process.”

Marina Crane (00:01.404) good morning. This is August fifteenth and it's Saturday. It's a bit nippy out. And again, I what can I say? The air quality is still in the yellow stage. My podcast today is going to be a little bit of scattered, but I guess you're as you're my audience here know that it's a bit scattered. However, there have been some things that usually happen after I meet with people or I have some sort of epiphany on what I'm gonna put on my podcast. So most people I think and I hope that are listening when I talk about recovery and and mental health And and I look at people who like say Daniel Smith who doesn't have the concept of addiction and recovery. Or maybe she does, maybe it's a fringe thing, but but I think people need to really look at people who've recovered and and their skill set and how they did it and and even their their approach to the way they see life in general. I like I just get totally fed up again with non-Indigenous people and they're usually white who who come into our communities and and sort of practice like they come in with these big, you know, like they get this big amount of money, over a hundred thousand maybe you know, really outrageous. And and so yes, they have a mountain of experience, but they they what's that word I keep on grifters, grifters, grifters. You know, I I just found out like this one grifter got fired. He you know, he was employed within my community Marina Crane (02:02.254) lasted a couple of years and then and they found out like that he wasn't looking after his mental health. And yet that's part of his practice was to to help with programming and stuff. And and the pro and the job required, you know, like there's a mental health worker that comes in every week to to help decompress staff because of the high stress level. Yet this individual, you know, just it sort of like abandoned everybody and just took it upon himself to not look Look after himself. Okay, because his parents had passed away, health conditions. You know, I when I talk about indigenous people and like how many times we grieve when someone passes and people like white people look, my goodness, you poor thing. But the reality of it is like, come on. You know, this this guy, yes, you lost your your family members and I mean, I I could go on there was a lady that in her thirties she lost her partner after they'd known each they'd known each other from high school and then I guess they lived in p a relationship for about six years. He passed away from some sort of brain injury. And and she went on she'd started her own podcast, Instagram, social media, got gonnered about maybe 70,000 followers, all because she's grieving. Now, it's one thing when you come to work in a indigenous community and yes, you're human and you grieve, but the reality of it is like what did you think you were doing? You come here with this One of one of my one of my late parents, friends, his son, was talking to me and he says, You know, my parents they they just have this religiosity Marina Crane (03:56.003) He says, you know, they sleep in separate bedrooms and on Monday my s my mother would go with the girls and she'd get drunk, come back late at night, you know, when we're all asleep. She says, but that's how the marriage was. It was just a marriage it's one thing you have a married couple who have a difficult time with intimacy and yet in public present themselves as a religious, God-fearing couple. trying to promote mental health when they are having crisis in their own private home. Again, white privilege or or savior complex, some some notion like, I don't have to deal with my addiction or I don't have to deal with my mental health because, you know, these people don't know me, they just see the whiteness of my skin and you know, that old theory of like, well we're smarter than most people. Like people have bought into this colonial mindset that that when you have different skin color, it automatically reflects your brain capacity. it it it's it boggles my mind and it gets me upset every time I hear a white person comes into our communities either as a social worker, mental health worker, some work and and what are they doing? They're pretending they're pretending to be mentally well and and and so, you know, they yes, of course you give them the benefit of the doubt and they work for a while, but you know, it's a snowball effect. All the all the all the pieces started falling apart. And and now like this individual, you know, like the huge amount of income is finally is taken away. How much more devastating is it? He had years to go to therapy on the job site. Marina Crane (05:43.873) And chose not to. That completely boils my like boggles my mind, especially when you're taught that you're coming into an indigenous community and you're supposed to be there to help the indigenous people and instead what's happening? We're helping them. Not in terms of anything that we have to offer in the healing modalities, but in terms of financial gain, which really pisses me off. Because again, that's what they call it a gift shit. Grifting. Grifting. Ugh. No, it it's it's amazing. It it totally amazes me. Now the other thing that I want to talk about too is is a little different, but again too it it it in the same genre too like you know when when people ask me to come and talk about art or like how my perception or how my understanding of of like say the concept of water is life or sovereignty over our water rights sovereignty and in how before colonization like what what did it look like for indigenous people and the relationship with water. you know, the the reality of it is like I and I can only talk for the seven council fires of the Oshati Shekoi, which is Dakota, Lakota, Nakota, because I was raised in that culture that Marina Crane (07:17.59) Everything is tied to water. Even WiiA is associated with water. The language itself is around water. Sweat and sundance is all around water. The whole concept like this is our life. it's it's it's amazing how it encompasses everything. And yet and yet our whole value system in terms of school curriculum, even how people have accountability for spirituality. one One time my late mother and her her Indian residential school childhood friend her brother was having Sundance in British Columbia. Now my mother's older, okay, and of course they were sitting by the campfire, we're all sitting there having a cup of tea, and my mom and her friend th poured the the tea that was, you know, just the bottom of the cup on the ground. And and there was a white woman who started to mansplay my mother and her friend who were elders. This is a w arrogance of white women. And she says, You're not supposed to throw water. On the ground. And my mother and her friend Muriel, they just looked at each other just like because this is Mariel's brother's sundance. And we have a white woman who's supposed to be there helping volunteer, you know, mansplaying, explaining to Dakota elder women, thou shalt not. See, that's th to me to me that's the the critical or the my take on people who come into communities and really feel like they have the privilege to mansplay us as if we're so savage like Marina Crane (09:02.978) I mean they don't really know that they're doing it and bless their hearts. I've always been around white people and sometimes people say to me, Well, why don't you say something? I'm going, No, no, I've learned a long time ago that if they're going to create this narrative, let let them stew in their own fat. Let them suffer in their own ignorance. Because at some point karma hits them like a ton of bricks. And karma has to do with action. So when you go around poking up someone's philosophy or way of life and you're applying it to your life, but yet there's no collective and holistic approach to it or even history, then it's gonna bite you. It's gonna bite you where it hurts the most. Anyway, that's my little rant from the beginning of like my podcast. And I and I and I'm sorry that I ranted and raved, but but it it's just the notion that you spend so much time talking to white people, both men and women, and and then what happens is they twist it around for their own pleasure. They y like Like some of the podcasts and the TikToks that I've been listening to, as well, like there are discoveries of female anatomy, different things that that women in terms of healthy sexuality i is normal, but it but because it's all around the science of men, it stresses women out psychologically. So now women are sort of coming to this epiphany and going, my goodness, I didn't know. But yes, you know, when you think about it and you go, I like the Company of women because we're set up that way. Psychologically, we're set our our our hormones are set up that way. Men are different, but you know, try and convince a man that that it's different, especially especially when a a man thinks like he's really hut shit, you know, like he you know again. Marina Crane (11:05.406) I can't change the way women look at certain men. If women look at a man and think that he's attractive, that's their opinion. But th the reality of it is like some men like they just go, Yeah, I I know I'm attractive. I know women look at me. And I'm going, Yes, from your perspective, because men ha their their testosterone and even how they have pleasure is based on that. Whereas women really don't you know like don't need it. there there's a TikTok that I'm going to play of this this lady. She talks about it and I I hope you get the gist of it. At least all the information we have on our biology is from a male body. Two, when they did study our bodies, they found that the female nervous system regulates to oxytocin, not dopamine. So while males feel regulated and grounded and whole in getting things done and pushing and succeeding, women, female bodies, feel grounded and whole and regulated through Pleasure through co-regulation, through connection, through relational dynamics, through touch, through beauty. Number three, and this is the kicker. Dopamine actually depletes oxytocin in the female body. Science found that the more female bodies push and run dopamine pathways, it depletes oxytocin, pleasure, love, connection. So if you are a woman who feels that the harder you try, the worse you feel, listen to this. It is so imperative for every woman and man to understand and prioritize replenishing oxytocin in the female body. Marina Crane (13:07.502) And I've seen this so many times in myself and in my female clients, when you start to move from a dopamine pathway into oxytocin, the thing that you are going to hit up against is shame. Because we've all culturally valued dopamine and success so much, men and women need to both understand that dopamine in excess in a female body is making us sick. It's making us crazy. Feel disconnected and alone. The easiest way for a woman to start to shift out of dopamine and start to prioritize and habitualize oxytocin and pleasure in her body is with other women. We burn through the shame together. We can validate and relate and mirror each other in these new pathways. One, the female nervous system with So again. We're set up different and so even when you're thinking of matriarchy, that that's historical. You know, I I it's again when when I talk about the female and male anatomy, I'm going, where's the G spot? Now even that even that I'm not a guy, so you know, I don't have the body parts. But but you know, t tell me if I'm wrong. Sometimes people say the G spot is between in the scrotum, like it's between the scrotum and the anal the anus. and inside. So that little p pleasure part there it it it stimulates. However, another critique was that the G spot in the men is at the inside the the tip of the penis. Okay, so again, anatomy. mean I spent two years drawing anatomy at art school. Like it was just like drawing nudes. And and I always used to wonder, why why why in art school do we have to draw nudes? Sketch them like you have three minutes, bang, you sketch it out, you know, and the the model moves and Marina Crane (15:10.85) You know, I always wondered w why why so the thing is like because you're you're you're using formation, you're doing the lines, you're focusing on what's happening on the piece of paper. You're not looking at the anatomy and getting any type of arousal, it's just the focus on on drawing. And and again too like form and shades and stuff like that. So again too like when when women are are together it it's that connection. Connection. There's a connection and there's company, like you feel connected, like you belong to a family. And and again, the shame and guilt. I think a lot of times when men or misogyny hate women, they really feed into that disconnection and they really want the woman to be alone. And and like the lady says, it drives women crazy. But yet, you know, men want to say, she's hysterical, like in art history. there is a whole whole de dedicate there was a whole lesson about artists, male artists who just painted and s were focused more on the dis the hysteria of women. It it it's amazing to me the coercive control throughout history that men have had over women. And a lot of things too that that I didn't really understand too until like until the female nervous system was not until well like I started thinking about men who cheat and okay so here's the first the the last tape was from Anna v Vila V I L L A that was her on on Instagram. Now this next one sh her name is end coercion Dot so it's N E N D underscores coercive C O R E R V I C I V E underscore C O N N. she's explaining coercive control traps. Marina Crane (17:26.614) Now, why am I talking about coverse con coercive control traps or coercive ways of control is because because when I've talked to women who've had affairs And and they think it's like true love or like the the wife did not give a damn about her husband. He was sad all the time. You know, just like n there there there there is a re like I what can I say? I think a lot of times as women we got hooked into these things. But here's listen to this. You've probably heard coercive control referred to as emotional abuse or psychological abuse. And coercive control does include the emotional and psychological weapons, the quicksand model names, but the term coercive control is more all encompassing than emotional and psychological abuse. And the framework of coercive control was designed to point the court in the right direction. When emotional abuse or psychological abuse are raised in court. Assessments turn away from the coercive controller's actions and to the target's state of mind. Questions turn to the target's credibility, and the target's perfectly rational fear from living in the quicksand of coercive control gets reframed and recorded as instability or alienation. Coercive control looks elsewhere. It looks for the pattern of the perpetrator's coercive and controlling conduct. It names what the coercive controller did over time and what they stole. Marina Crane (19:17.174) Autonomy and liberty. If you have been assessed instead of believed, if you've been asked what is wrong with you instead of what was done to you, that was all part of the coercive controller's strategy to make you the focus so they could keep you trapped and prevent your escape. The words emotional abuse don't make the quicksand visible. But the framework of coercive control does. Coercive control moves the professional's eyes off the target and onto the coercive controller. Professionals, if you use it in your notes, your reports, and your testimony, you can help stop the harm, hold the coercive controller accountable, and hand the target back their freedom. I just like when when I talk about facing your perpetrator, especially in court, and and you stand there and you say, You hurt me. See it's one thing it's one thing to be afraid of them. But it's another thing to actually face them and and say to their face, you thought I enjoyed what you did, you hurt me. Not just physically, but emotionally, spiritually, everything like like you you like this is the because again, this is a time when when you're given a voice and and you're being validated by the courts because the person has been found guilty. It's the victim statement. And and so you're breaking free of this co coercive control. And and the thing is like even if like I've never been married, I've never been in a relationship where I've had a like I've been a better woman. No, I haven't Marina Crane (21:16.47) The reality of coercive control is something that I believe as women, like for me as a young as a child, a teenage a child like a teenager and a young adult, and just seeing the relationships of women and their and their partners, like that that it was s assessed as being normal, normalized. So coercive control even in the sense of like it's okay to to that you know, you're consenting. Yes, it's one thing to consent to have an affair with a married man. It's one thing to consent to having children with this married man, but at the same time, this married man has a partner who also has engaged in having children with said partner. So you look at the man and you say conversive control. And then who's participating in this control scheme? That that's a really hard pill to swallow, especially if you're a woman and you've taken part in such manipulation and control. let's see here. I don't know if this You've probably heard Yeah, so again I'm let's see what this is. Feminism is not a Western invention. Feminism was not invented by American women, as many people think. No, feminism embedded in the culture and in the struggle of all women all over the world. We have to liberate women economically, social, psychologically, physically, religiously. So our feminism, we call ourselves historical, that's the slogan of our group, historical socialist feminist. Because we studied history and we understood that the oppression of women is not specific of Egypt or Arab people. It is historical. It is everywhere in every country. Women were rebelling in all religions in India, Egypt, under Indian, under Judaism, under Christianity or Islam. Women were fighting for their right. And we call ourselves socialist. Marina Crane (23:35.458) Because we are against class oppression. We are against capitalism. Because capitalism is linked to patriarchy. We are against patriarchy, not men. We are not against men. We are against patriarchy, the patriarchal system, the domination of men in religion, in economy, in culture, everything in science. That's why we call ourselves historical social instruments. And and and this organization terrified the men in power, didn't it? Terrified, yes, of course. It terrified them. That's why they banned it. And in fact, it was we were about to create a revolution. Because we had forty percent men. We were not all all women. Men were joining too. We had forty percent men and young men. Very enthusiastic about these points. Why were they joining? Why were men joining? Because they felt that men are oppressed by Patriarchy too. Marina Crane (24:40.832) No Feminism is not that's on Instagram and it's the spearhead. That's their handle, their social handle. And the lady who is talking, her name is N A W A L Capital L E L Capital S A A D A W I I So When when when I talk about like when I'm talking from an indigenous point of view, that's just because I'm indigenous. What she's talking about is all women. And so the generalization of like what oxytocin, doplamine, just the study, like the whole science of physiology and medicine was based on the male body instead of the female body. So the more women became educated and the more they started talking about what they've lived through and what they know about their bodies, you know, has to strike a chord with people. Again, because the woman, the first five years of every human life is based on the relationship they have with their mother, the imprint. And so if the mom is is under patriarchy, she's ra that child is seeing that. Or if the mom is matriarchy, the child also experiences and sees that. So so a lot of this deconstruction of self-reflection in terms of trying to like the historical parts of what makes you who you are today is important not just for women but also for men. So so that's why when I talk about when I talk about eliminating self-defeating behavior it It it's it's a part of that too because, you know, we we we we tend to have the self talk like I always do this or you know, the repeated language of certain vocabulary that we keep on in our minds. And so how do how do we deconstruct that? And there's so many gurus and mental health workers and you know, people who've come out of recovery and you know, I Marina Crane (26:56.534) I had a meeting about water and the one lady said to me, she was a an American citizen, she says, Well this lady said that, you know, they collect rocks by the o by the river and and I said, well that's her I said that's her way of healing. So you have to respect that. So what like I said, the practitioner or the individual who has found a stepping stone in healing, that's her journey. And if it works for her and she wants to share that modality or that process, then then you know, honor that. Because again, however she is in terms of of like engaging with other women, that's her process. I know it's it's really difficult too for me because sometimes like I talk to my sister. I haven't talked to my sister in decades. She's a very staunch Mormon. And and I made a comment to her one time about women. Like I enjoy being around women. Like in in terms of of the intimacy of just sharing. Like that again the oxytocin. I was like that's my experience. I wasn't talking about sexual physical stuff like like like when I when I talk about fantasy and then I talk about like like we'll call it limerence, there the the fantasy part is is is healthy. Okay. The limerence part isn't. So so as a woman, if you're if you're around like you're fantasizing and you're sharing the fantasy with other women, then it increases the oxytocin. Limerenance, however, is is more of the destructive side of of like obsessive, compulsive and like there's a difference because the fantasy is like just Marina Crane (28:53.834) having a fantasy of say having sex with person X. Limerence isn't about having a fantasy about having sex with X. Limerence is obsessing strategies to seduce, covet, manipulate, own and control X. Which again is based on fallacy because that person is unobtainable. And and the more energy that's put into constructing like this building block of strategies, the deeper the limerence is. That's why it needs a professional to help the individual who's constructed this fortress. Like they have to the individual themselves has to dismantle it bri by brick. If it's not guided and if a person doesn't understand it, they're going to attach fantasy with that when they're ac like the difference is the fantasy you're not acting on it, but the limerence you are. So, and again, I'll use the analogy of psychology 101. There's a very hard premise to understand, but this is how it was explained to me in basic psychology. A human being thinks of a child and thinks of having sex with a child. Is that sinful? Is that evil? Now, a person again thinks of having sex with a child and then actually does it. Is that Evil? Is that sinful? What is forgivable and unforgivable? So forgivable is the fantasy or thinking of having sex with a child. It's the action that is unforgivable. When a person goes from steps from this one construct into the next, that's the shift that I want to talk about, and I try to explain the difference with limerence. Fantasy is the thought. Marina Crane (30:56.384) Limerence is the action or the need to have create your own karma. And and that's the danger of it. Like because it can be s it it's so overwhelming. When when I was sexually active, I I I found it really discomforting when young men who I never even had sex with who would be obsessed with me. And I'm going, Why? You don't know me? Like I sometimes, you know, I've had to be just straight with men. And they w they propose to have an affair and I'm going, Why? I said, you know, you don't know me and I don't love you. I'm going to use you and abuse you and I'm going to twist you all out of shape if I have sex with you. And they and they're looking at me going, No you won't. I said, No, I will. I will like hello. I know myself. I know myself as a woman. I know what limerence is. I know what fantasy is. As long as I'm in this fantasy part of my life, I'm safe. But but if I'm going into this limerence stage where I there's no love, there's only coercive control involved with me or the that person, it it's not going to be a healthy, it's going to be a traumatic bond. Whereas whereas the fantasy part is is healthy because it's a bond. It's not based on trauma. And again, it's based on on open communication with boundaries and assessments from both people. That's why sometimes when when I talk about mental health workers or people who've studied psychology who come into indigenous communities at with this with this notion of fantasy and like, I've got this magic wand, I'm going to heal you here, tap tap tap go around tapping everybody as if he's healing or she's healing. And the reality of it is like they're they're living in the fantasy. And yet they're not looking after their mental health because in their private life they're in limerence. You know, it's it for whatever the addiction is, like a a white acquaintance who ghosted me said we're all have addictions. And like Marina Crane (33:12.374) s some can rationalize it away. for myself I try not to. I try I try to stay on with my feet on the ground. and I think I think for that, like I said, I enjoy the company of women because I get to talk to other women and and and either we jokingly talk about the fantasy or th there's something that like we're producing that oxytocin. Whereas men, I think men it's more it gets into the the more dangerous parts like of of pornography. And like it's I was a university researcher addicted to porn for fifteen years. This is how porn destroys your brain. First of all, pornography is a supernormal stimulus. There's nothing in this world that matches the level of stimulation pornography provides to your brain and body that causes four specific changes. Number one is desensitization. You build a threshold or a tolerance, and so you start to watch more obscure content and stuff that you never really thought you'd watch. Number two is sensitization. Okay, this is where you get cues and cravings. From things that are ordinary to a regular person, but to you, they trigger porn viewing. The third is a reduced stress response. Your capacity for stress and life in general plummets because your brain is being worked by pornography. Number four. Is hypofrontality. Okay, this is reduced circulation to this part of your brain, responsible for self-worth, self-esteem, long-term decision making, and all of that stuff. Now the good news is that all of these effects can be reversed. I know it personally, I've been cleaning porn for 10 years, and I've used some very specific tactics to help 1400 plus men quit pornography. If you need some help, follow my page from See, and this guy, his name is S A T H I Y A. Marina Crane (35:05.23) M-E-S-A-M. Okay, and so that's again, again, a male perspective. So I've been cleaning porn for 10 years. I've helped 1,400 men quit pornography in the last eight. And here are three ways that you can rewire your brain from pornography. Number one, you need to optimize your technology, turn off notifications, get rid of social media, news, any of what I like to call kind of the gateway opportunities, anything that you know eventually springboards you into doing the thing, get rid of it. Okay, get rid of it or tone it down significantly. Number two, talk to somebody, okay? The longer you suffer in silence and isolation, the worse this problem gets. We all want to think we can figure it out on our own and then we'll tell the story. You gotta tell the story first and then you figure it out after. Counterintuitive. Okay? Number three, charge your phone outside your bedroom. The most popular time to view pornography is between 10 o'clock at night and midnight, and 91% of porn viewership happens on the phone. So by charging your phone outside of the bedroom, you literally stack the odds in your favor of having a clean night, and more importantly, rewiring your brain from this terrible, terrible substance so you can be a clean. Now, if you're looking to go beyond just the initial rewiring, you want to live a life of freedom, check out my page I post daily and So again he's promoting himself, but th it's the basic premise of things and strategies to find like to balance your central nervous system. And and like I said, it it it's a you you sense it and you see it in people, especially like when people grieve, like you just your body just heats up. And and because if you're involved in addiction and and your central nervous system is is not balanced and it's and it's irregular, when when stress hits Marina Crane (37:02.474) when life hits and and you don't have the the like you're not balanced, it it it j it just triggers your central nervous system and and you're like in this flight or fright response. The the whole point of of finding somebody to talk to and again all this has to do with finding people you trust and talking it out with the individual. I know some people for me, I know when I start talking they get uncomfortable. with men and my talking to men, it's like I'm in a relationship. A and for me it it's like no, I've gotta tell you this because I don't trust you. So so for me it's like a process of like I've gotta trust this person, so I've gotta talk to them. Not and and the thing is with with this is the practice amongst women, when we're talking to other women, you know, we're we're we're establishing trust. At the same time too, we're also gonna be guarded, but but no matter how extreme or how fantastic or The fantasy is the reality of it is like I'm coping with this feeling that I have. It's natural. I just need to. I'm like it's like a roller coaster. You're at the top of the roller coaster and you're going down into the gully, and to be you know you're gonna be going back up on the hill again. So, like again, the roller coaster of oxytocin, it's it's the part where you've got too much dopamine for women. that that it that you know we we become unbalanced. Whereas with men, it's the opposite. They become more balanced with the more dopamine. And that's why I think when it comes to pornography, it's it's it's so addictive too for men. Now I'm not too sure if there there are some things too that I that I did put in here that had to do with other other topics. But I'm hoping Marina Crane (39:13.953) Some of the topics that I did post will resonate. So what happens when a target of coercive control finally tells somebody? Well, the coercive controller has spent years camouflaged to appear credible to the very people that they approach for help. Some call this the smear campaign. Now that term names the outcome, but not the pattern that created it. In the quicksand model, it's called the double team, and it includes the coercive controller's entire pattern, not just their final attack. Long before the target reached for help, the coercive controller presented themselves to friends, colleagues, and family as the caring one. In their false narrative, the targeted victim had a problem, and the coercive controller was patiently helping them. None of it happened in front of the target, so the targeted victim ends up defending themselves against false accusations they didn't even know existed. If people who once trusted you have gone quiet, and if you stop talking about your experience because everyone reacts badly, that was part of the coercive controllers strategy. Quicksand was made to look like solid ground. But once trapped, the harder a targeted victim struggles to be believed, the deeper they sink. That is what happens when you're defending a war you didn't even know you were in. Professionals, if you examine the coercive controllers' conduct as closely as the target's account. The record stops the war, holds the coercive controller accountable, and returns the targets dignity and freedom. Beyond the bruise, our newly updated free guide for professionals is available in our bio. Now, again, this is why it bothers me when I get non-Indigenous therapists or social workers. Marina Crane (41:29.184) is because they don't know they're also practicing converse covert or cursive control because they're they're blindsiding their own clients. See it it's so subtle yet yet at the same time like there are therapists who go to therapists because because there has to be there has to be some form of like how do we deal with stuff. How do we deal as healers, how do we deal with things? Especially The language that we use around sex, getting fucked, railed, drilled, boned, the fact that all of this language is incredibly violent and and graphic in this language is intentional. It's about creating the understanding that sex is a defiling act towards women, that when a woman has sex, she has been defiled in some way, she has been her her value, her worthiness has been damaged in some way. And it's about maintaining this order where men do benefit from sex, where men's dominance is protected as being the ones that are able to create that defiling that by a man sexually engaging with a woman he has hurt her tainted her in some way with this understanding women can't fuck if we are thinking about it in the sense that sex is something that is defiling women that through this current world order that we have patriarchy men's dominance whatever women are not have not been given the social cachet or the leverage necessary in order to be the ones that can like administer Defiling or degradation to men through having sex. And if the term fuck is like a proxy for that, then it isn't logical then to say that like women can't fuck. Women get fucked, which is seen as decreasing her value, hence a shaming around body counts and an obsession with virginity. Sex is seen as a defiling act, which creates the obvious conclusion that a woman would never desire sex. Why would you desire your own undoing? There's a desexualization that happens to women, an assumption that women would never desire sex independently, autonomously, because sex is defiling. Marina Crane (43:30.608) So like I said, why would you desire your own undoing? It's this weird way that we both hypersexualize women and desexualize them, where we see women only through a sexual lens, but then also don't allow women to have a independence sexuality. I'll quote. My new substack essay The language that So the her handle is P A Paris Prz Paris W E N D W A. That's P A R I S W E N D W A. When I was in my twenties, I attended a gender studies course at a university and it was a group support for just young women. And the majority of women that were there, at least like I'll say there were ten or thirteen of us. Out of that group, half were engaged. you gotta understand this was a Mormon university too. So again, this whole notion of finding a husband. Now why am I bringing that up is because even with gender studies, and again, a lot of this ritual abuse and coercive control o over women and children i is historic. Okay, so you have to you have to sort of deconstruct what ritual abuse is and you have to also deconstruct gender gender roles. Okay, that's why like when we use the baseline as bisexuality, that's deconstructing our gender roles. So when we when we in theory try to do some self-reflection as well as understanding like as this lady put You know, sometimes just talking about women having fa sexual fantasy is is a taboo. Like because, you know, we we're not supposed to feel, we're not supposed to masturbate, we're not supposed to, you know, engage in s you know, our bodies. Again, what the hell? Marina Crane (45:34.07) When I did the d gender studies course we had to do words like how many words describe women? Bitch, slut, whore, you know, like you know, like all that shit. And then when you d like and when you have to define men, what? Bastards? You know, like when when we lined up all the the words, socialized words There were there was more degradation, more of oppression of the gender of females in in just the language itself. So I really appreciated this young woman talking about this because, you know, it's it's one thing to make sex sound dirty and and for women to just like I can't talk about this because i I only have sex with my husband or or like it's like the control or coercive control over like you should not be talking about this with other women. Like like I said, when I so said to my sister that I enjoyed having discussions with women because I felt safe. Now at the time I thought maybe it was because I had been sexually assaulted like decades before, but my sister turned it around because of religiosity and said that I was gay. Now Understand this it even I'm so naive when it comes to bisexuality and I've been like when I say I haven't been sexually active in in fifty years I Like I'm I I'm not kidding. I didn't even understand masturbation or pornography until the pandemic. Like that's how naive I am. And that's the more critical thing because now I'm going this is it this is what our children are exposed to. Like like there there's a there's a catalyst of why I do this podcast. Because like I've been cloistered or sheltered all because of coercive control. Like here's my sister wanting to p have put me in a Marina Crane (47:40.362) Little slot because I'm not married, I'm not sealed in the Mormon temple. Like it's just outrageous that that, you know, because in Mormonism it's it's a taboo to be homosexual. Again, constructed criticiz like constructed a const historical, the history of of oppression. And it's not just, like I said, not just me, it's all women. That's why the things that cre give us some balance our energy, our central nervous system energy is the oxytocin, not the dopamine. So the more we connect as women and the more we talk about our sexuality, we become healthy. We c become healthier. And the more we we understand why men have this drive this like like I said, this I I didn't even know that you could get porn on the internet until like I said when until the pandemic. Why is it so hard to heal from borderline personality disorder? As a psychiatrist, the way that I explain it is it's because borderline personality disorder is not one thing. It's more or less three things. So a process of healing in borderline personality disorder involves a process of healing each individual thing. The first thing is a person's concept of self. To understand this, we have to think about a person's earliest life. Oftentimes, people with borderline personality disorder were brought up in a very invalidating environment. Not just invalidating, not consistently invalidating. But inconsistently invalidating in a very unpredictable way. And this was going on in a person's earliest life when they were trying to define who they are and how they relate to others. Therefore, they developed a very unstable sense of self, a very unstable self-image. Because it was hard for them as a tiny child to stabilize their identity relative to the stable identities of others because those others in their lives did not present a stable interactive front. So when someone is trying to heal from borderline personality disorder, one of the things they're trying to do is in some way stabilize. Marina Crane (49:49.696) Or solidify that concept of self. The second thing that they must heal is the way that they pattern their interactions with others. In that earliest life, when somebody has such a difficult environment to cope with, they learn to survive less than to thrive. And it becomes a game of threat detection. Now, when you're dealing with a threat, you want to immediately categorize it. Is it all good or is it all bad? If it's all bad, I need to cope with it to save my life. And that's why relationships for people with borderline personality disorder can be remarkably unstable, because their brain is automatically categorizing others as. As all good or all bad in order to protect themselves from the possible downside of getting that judgment wrong. That is a developmental foundation of something called splitting, or black or white thinking, which is a hallmark of borderline personality disorder. So part of the healing process is learning that nobody is all good or all bad, and that's a really, really hard lesson to learn. The third massive healing effort that a person would be making is distress tolerance. One of the hallmarks of borderline personality disorder can be self injury, self harm, or explosive and unpredictable behavior. But folks come by this Very honestly, because these are honest attempts to react to the true volume of emotion they're experiencing, which again came from an early life necessity to survive. It takes a lot of trust and effort to try other things, to rely on other people, to develop an entirely new system of distress tolerance that is safer and more taken together. This is why healing from borderline personality disorder isn't like healing a cut. It's a bit more like trying to build a house of cards on the deck of a ship during a storm in the middle of the ocean. But the beautiful thing is that. That the process of building that house of cards is the process of quieting the storm. And as a psychiatrist, it's a privilege to be a part of that healing every day. But as always, I'm interested in learning from you. If you or a loved one have been through this process of healing, what was it like for you? What helped and so that's Dr. Adam Howard, and that's his handle. So when I talk about limerence and I talk about because that's like the the the borderline personality disorder, it it's not as frightening when you say limerence. because because you can you can you can relate to to infatuation. You can relate to fantasy. But like I said, when when it bec when that fantasy becomes limerant, when it becomes an obsession, whereas whereas with with fantasy it's more of karma because it's an action, but it's a healthy action in terms of developing a safer a safer self. So so when I worked in Utah and I and it and the Marina Crane (52:19.246) thing is like I I don't want to say I accidentally stumbled into it. I'd been working with youth as a university student in northern Alberta and the reality of it is like there was so much promiscuity with the youth and this was like decades and decades ago and and the youth had to and see the the the youth could talk to us because we were younger too but they didn't trust adults because the adults were sexually abusing them. There was a a 15-year-old, tall guy, like must have been about six foot at 15, who was ha he he was having an affair with a mom like in her 40s. There was a young girl who I think she was twelve. She was, you know, like again having a being sexually abused by a twenty five year old. All these things these children talked about, but yet but yet for us as workers to even try to get, you know, to to how how would we say it, we couldn't press charges because again those children were tr we're establishing trust with them. And so whatever discourse or whatever they felt that they needed to talk to us about, there would be no support system in place once we left. Okay, so so like I said, it it was a really difficult environment to work in. And and as a result of that, I ended up that some that next that following fall working for Utah State Hospital with high risk suicide girls. And and a and and the an understanding like trying to understand this this whole point of Marina Crane (54:08.546) things that that like what like when I talk about identity and the self and like it's like it's not something with a magic wand that all of a sudden you're healed. The this is this invalidation of the self. And that's why when I talk about Indian residential school and I talk about trauma and genocide, I talk about oppression and coercive control. People who were taught this in Indian residential school, even when they were trying define themselves and get some validation, those those white people, those those people who were actually sexually assaulting the kids made a very unstable environment. And and those children were were had no definition of self. And again when I talk about balancing having the ability to balance your central nervous system based on thought. I don't I don't know y if you've seen the show what is it called Doom D-U-N-E where you have w fractions or planets that that are fighting for this this spice, that full space. There's one planet where they have these these logical pe people. They're they're sort of like the consultants for these leaders and and so they they're always st clicking and calculating. And And so why am I bringing that up is because they're they're basically trying to they're tr basically training themselves to s you know balance their central nervous system so that they could help logically help people who are in distress. I mean it seems obscure because it's a science fiction but it but it has some parallels to to this whole way of of thriving or we're not thriving and and what like the all all good or all bad scenario because that's what it feels like Sometimes when I'm talking to women who are so unregul who are so dysregulated because there's so much dopamine in them. I mean I've had to I've had to s ask questions like, what are you doing today? Or what you what are you doing what are you doing right now? Just at the moment they can't even comprehend on what they're doing at the moment they're talking to me. And I'm saying, okay, listen to me. I'm gonna ask the question again, what are you doing right now? Marina Crane (56:34.548) And and and you know, they have to think about them going, No You like are you are you do you have a cup of coffee in your hand? Like what what it what are you doing right now at that moment? 'Cause 'cause they've been s just just to actually sit and regulate your central nervous system and take a deep breath because you're so overwhelmed with this dopamine because you're looking for oxytocin, okay, as women. You're trying to find somebody that's going to help you and guide you through this maze of of de of like s like like looking at yourself. And and so again, who to trust? Like like again, this whole like it's it like I had the analogy in terms of mental health. One of the analogies like h this guy used the analogy of like trying to make a house out of a deck of cards in on on a on a ship that's being tossed around in the ocean. Like that's how difficult it is to to actually, you know, get like focus on your own narrative, your your the self reflection of childhood. So sometimes when I talk about accountability or consent, we have to look at the age groups like from five years under from five to fifteen, like d like in decades or or even in five five years. Like so the deconstructing of the self and understanding what you know what happened to make you who you are today. Marina Crane (58:08.788) and and the support system that you have in place. A lot of times when I listen to people who talk about limerence, especially women, on TikTok, I find I find that it's so easy to sell to think like, okay, I have the solution. And this you know, apply to this, apply to that. It's not that easy. Like really, I wouldn't trust anybody who's on TikTok who's promoting themselves about limerance. This is a very highly technical Process that needs skilled people, people like mental health workers who are not coercive control freaks either. You know, the the like I try and say to people, you know, they don't teach this in college or university. I said, but but you know, once you get like if you get your degree in in social work or psychology and then you want you have to get a masters to, you know, be practicing, a lot of times they weed you out in the masters program and and they and like they don't tell you. Mind you, you know, throughout my academic life I had I've had people, coercive people, trying to say to me, Well, you wouldn't be a good therapist. Not that I wanted to be. I am and I'm not, okay? It's just the whole notion of like that like I said, the Psychology Association of Canada is poo-poo, especially when you have indigenous people and black people trying to publish Papers about systemic racism within the mental health health construct in Canada. so anyway. Marina Crane (59:53.846) My my whole point in in all of this is like you have to shop around and you have to understand too, you there there there's more to to limerence or eliminating self defeating behavior or even tackling like like like a another analogy would be I've used a couple, but another analogy would be having a broken leg and walking on on it for a mile to get help. It's painful. The whole process of sharing your most intimate feelings, desires, fantasies with another human being is if you can do that and you can find trust and safety with that individual, hats off to yourself and that other individual because damn it it's so hard. Life is not easy when it comes to dealing with especially if you're a dopamine addict or an oxytocin addict. In other words, especially if you're male or female. just the brunt of it. You just you just have to deal with it because sometimes like everybody's got full of good intentions but when the good intentions are doing more harm to to the people you love and the people you care about you know what what can you do? a lot of times it it takes invisible helping hands to to get you to a place where you feel comfortable. And and throughout my life I've had that, but I strongly and totally believe that the reason I've had so many invisible helping hands for me is I made a decision. Like when I was twenty-three, twenty-two, twenty-three, I just said, no, whatever behavior I'd already established in my life of of being controlled coercively. or being targeted and just being sexual female and people trying to oppress my sexuality. Whatever that sexuality is, I said that's why I say the baseline bisexual. If you have that as a baseline and you're deconstructing your identity, then that helps you have some clarity into who you are. Because we are all different. We are not the same. And and sometimes it it's scary. Marina Crane (01:02:17.494) It's scary when you see somebody and you realize, My goodness, what kind of life did they live before you met them? And that's just a stranger that you happen to bump into and happen to trust. Cause that trust opens up a whole Like it's like a like a a magic lamp, a genie in a lamp. You rub the you rub the lamp and this genie appears. And and and you're like, I didn't know that was in that lamp. Again, I think if you do a lot of self work, a lot of s like understanding of yourself, your identity, what defines you in life, how things in life changed you And and again, how from being stable to like again defining your life as stability. Unstable is you're unable to do that. When you find yourself unable to do that, you have to have trust in someone to guide you. And and that's why I think it's so important for for people who've gone through these things, like like hands-on hands-on experience, that that it helps in the recovery. It helps in the recovery because there's another human being that doesn't have all the laureates of PhD, bachelors, all that. They don't have that. They are just human beings who are gifted with healing that can help you. When I talk about invisible helping hands, when I talk about being indigenous, when I'm talking about the whole notion of of our life that has been handed down in our cultures to help us, to feed us, to nurture us, it's validating. It's validating and the more people you trust, the better you have in s in in your life. Marina Crane (01:04:12.882) I'm I'm grateful that I've grown up in a indigenous community that that throughout my life I've known so many people, hundreds of people, that I've grown up in my community. And and for me, when I left and I and I'm was in the United States, it was so hard. Because I was ripped from my community and I did it deliberately so I could get an education. Not understanding, you know, exactly the forces that were dra bringing me back into my community. The understanding of the self is so vital. And and for for those reasons too, when I listen to indigenous people, young people who are advocating, who are activists, who are promoting an un an understanding and trying to educate themselves as well as others about systemic racism. It's empowering. It's empowering to know that we're all coming from the same platform. There are indigenous men who are who are fighting to self-determination of what they will not tolerate. Some indigenous young men have never touched alcohol or drugs. You know, some like for me, for not being sexually active, it's like it's like that. I just like What what's the matter? Why why don't people want to accept th you know what what we as human beings have decided how we wanna live? Because we don't fit the norm. We don't fit the norm of like, well, you know, you should be having an affair with a married man or you you should be you should be with a woman or you shoulda, woulda, coulda. It's hard, it's not easy, I tell you, it's not easy. For me I'm grateful for this podcast and I called up a friend of mine the other day and I said, I have to go to Costco. I Marina Crane (01:06:06.698) And it might seem ridiculous to you, but for me, I'm handicapped, okay? So for me, I have to get on I have to get in my car and then I have to take my wheelchair out of the car and then I get groceries and I have to have somebody help me put my groceries in my car as well as my wheelchair. I have to come home t take out my my groceries and like I'm like it it's it's a chore. It's a chore. So I'm like so when when I call my friend I'm going, I had to really really t taught not talk myself out of not going because it because I know how hard it is for me being handicapped. When when I wasn't it was you know, I didn't have to fight myself to do something. So that's that's why I'm saying the relationship we have with ourselves and other people is important because then they know what your struggles are and they know what your capacity is. So again, this whole notion of trust, I think I think for me, I spent most of my life just trusting people who were mental health workers and realizing, no I had to start trusting people who didn't have that background of being therapists or psychologists or social workers. I I don't know why I gravitated to people like that, but it but because of that and I and I'm not saying like they weren't helpful to me, but I put it I did a lot of work myself. And and that's that's the whole point is like i you have to do the homework. You have to do the homework, not in the sense of getting the instructions from the individual. You know. You have your gut feeling and you know what you have to work on. Marina Crane (01:07:59.264) Okay, so I I I don't know if I have any more videos that I want to funny 'cause I did a cla Okay, here here's this this is this this woman here is interesting too because here funny 'cause I did a class called Trauma is a gateway, kink as a bridge, right? So trauma shit, that's a good title. We need to pause on that for a minute. Trauma is a gateway. King is a bridge. Trauma is a gateway. Could could you just explain the title and what that means? Yeah, so for some folks, trauma can be a gateway to kink. Whether or not something that happened to you, you later on found that same thing turned you on. Whether or not what happened to you, you're now navigating that through kink as a way to now have some control. Whether or not something that happened to you, you're now replaying that same thing and re-traumatizing yourself, right? Because what I found is that when we were wanting to destigmatize kink, and a lot of it's like, okay, people who are kinky are not more traumatized than others. Valid. That does not mean that sometimes those two aren't connected. You don't want people to begin to think that it's trauma that's causing kink, but for some people it does. And we don't want to minimize that experience because we're trying. Not to, you know, we're trying not to re-stigmatize. So that was the reason why I wanted to have this conversation. For those people who does, you still matter. Does that mean that you're less kinky? Because it's data, it's just fucking data. We don't have to make it something else. We just get to know that this is a part of your story. Now, what do you want to do with that information? It's funny because I did a class called trauma as a gateway, kink as a bridge, right? So trauma. So that's That author or that social media is D O C Y U R O C period Y U L I N D A R E N E And again that's with TikTok I think. Yes, so trauma's a gateway. Kink is a Marina Crane (01:10:14.04) Let's see, trauma's a gateway, kink is kink is a bridge. So it's it's an episode called B-O-U-D-O-I-R after dark. Bordeaux after dark. So and s so it like comments instead of like instead of being afraid of situations that hurt you, your brain made it sexy so that it doesn't hurt you. one of the reasons indeed you never Yeah, it's just like some people I'm sorry, but I'm gonna use you know, it's just like she says, one of the reasons indeed you never n you're you never fucking know how people get where they are. jeez, so says like here, not not me wanting a five fingered necklace a few years after my abusive ex and dad on two different occasions tried to hurt me in the same way. So again and recognizing and options whether you show signs or your choices before. I hope like like I don't know, I just find it's interesting that like again, however you get well say your kink on by talking about it, it's important to trust the person that you're talking about your kinks. Because the kinkiness of your sexual life is the bridge to wellness. That's why I'm saying it's important to trust people. And there's so many invisible helping hands. That's why I said I think once I once I started talking about Marina Crane (01:12:09.28) or releasing the the narrative of why I was warning people about Nathan Chasing horse changed my narrative in the sense of trust because because there were so many people who lateral like in terms of lateral violence that I think I gravitated more to like social workers, therapists and psychologists because I could trust them. But the reality of it is that kink this lady's talking about, we need that kink. Especially if we we've come from a place where we've had trauma. Now, I'm I'm not trying to minimize my trauma. I'm I'm just saying there are things in my life that that haven't been very debilitating. There there are things in my life whereas I've seen met white women who've like I couldn't even comprehend how as a child they could have gone through such such things, such secrecy, such naivete about the self. And and then to want to help and be a therapist. It it it it just doesn't hold water to me. And and again, for me when I say the kinkiness about it is like th for the individual white woman it's it's the volur like voyeur the voyeur of of my talking about my kink and their like looking in without without ever having experienced that connection as as a whole human being because they've oppressed it. They've oppressed that trauma in their childhood. That's why I say when you start going into you want to be a therapist, they're gonna weed you out when you're in your master's program. And and worse of all, if if there's white systemic racism in that, you know, you don't even bother. Don't even bother. Go some go to some university or some other place where they will validate you because you're a minority. Go you know, go and seek out like Marina Crane (01:14:13.592) Like again, you know, just now, 2026, we have a Lakota doctor, a Lakota physician who who is trying to establish a medical school for indigenous students, so we can graduate more indigenous doctors. Why why do we have these things? Because systemic racism. Sometimes sometimes even when I I'm invited to talk to a group of people in in the art community and I start talking about identity and and what it is to be indigenous and and through ritual and ceremony for not just five hundred years, I'm talking ten, twenty thousand years. A and rather than being domesticated w like with the cows and sheep and you know, like stuff that Europeans had to live through, all the dark ages of unsanitary you know, like fleas and rats and plagues and even that hundred years where they had no drinking water and they all drank ale and so many generations of FASE and then they bring it into this world here where we've never had domesticated animals, we were we we chased our prey down. We we were we were hunters and gatherers and through ceremony, through understanding kinship, through collective and holistic ways of healing, we have developed and we became natural blood donors, O type donors. Our bloodline is so rare. That's why I'm saying the first one five hundred years ago, the first one hundred years, they killed five generations of our children because our bodies biologically were not set up to deal with all those diseases that were brought into the Americas. You even can look at historical radar maps in the Amazon of the thousands of civilizations that were killed off and annihilated with the jungle, you know, just eating it all up so you Marina Crane (01:16:18.488) You can't see it. All the pyramids in the Americas, all the oppression. Like if if a lie based on a lie makes you feel like you're great and that you've always been great and you want to keep on oppressing and establishing systemic racism without without understanding the root cause of why you were so intimidated by another like a way of life. We're living on a planet where a lot of things that we've sort of domesticated. I mean I'm talking European patriarchy is is is is dangerous. Look at look at the data centers and all the water it's going to use. Look at look at the oil sands in northern Alberta. Look at all the forest fires. Our our forces are brittle because of the dryness because our groundwater is being soaked up. Think about it. The eight billion people on this planet that that have to be fed because of domestic because we're domesticating our food, it comes into so many conspiracy theories, it's it gets sickening some it gets sickening. And and for me as as an elder woman who has actually grown on the land, who's actually had to kill animals to eat I I can't even comprehend our young people. I I the the the lack of critical thinking. I'm and I'm not saying just children. I I know trauma creates like a a barrier in terms of critical thinking. That's why it's so important to heal, so important to to tr like to s sensitize yourself instead of desensitize. It's important to feel. Even even to have fantasy. Like it it's important to live your whole life as the best way you can. So but I enjoy doing my podcasts and again I didn't realize like I have so many people that I that I meet that have been letting other people to come and listen to my podcast. So again it's Saturday, it's August, I can hardly see the Rockies, but yet I'm just glad that at least Marina Crane (01:18:39.052) I've had my breakfast and my tea and I'm gonna sit back and watch a movie and hopefully go and see a movie in a theater today. So with that, I hope you're doing well. take care of yourselves and remember there are you'll meet someone who's going to be a catalyst that's going to turn your life around or even help you nudge you in the right direction.

Experiences facing societal challenges within indigenous communities re: trauma bonds and bonds

Marina, I read your entire transcript closely. It’s powerful, layered, and emotionally heavy — and it deserves a summary that respects the depth of what you shared. Below is a structured, clear, and accurate summary grounded directly in your document, with citations from the text as required.

Concise Takeaway Your podcast episode weaves together Indigenous lived experience, trauma psychology, systemic racism, coercive control, sexual repression, and personal narrative. You use external clips and your own life stories to explain how trauma, violence, misogyny, racism, and cultural repression shape human behavior — and how Indigenous women in particular carry disproportionate burdens. Full Summary of the Document 🌿 Indigenous Knowledge & Lived Experience You begin by grounding yourself in Indigenous protocol — greeting, lineage, and lived knowledge. You contrast Indigenous experiential learning with Western abstract education: “You’re out there with the elder and you’ve had a hands-on experience… Nothing that you learn relates to the world you live in.” You describe childhood memories of hunting, skinning rabbits, and living off the land, emphasizing how embodied knowledge shapes identity. 🧠 Trauma, Fathers, and Male Violence You connect Gabor Maté’s analysis of Donald Trump’s trauma to patterns you’ve witnessed in your own community: “You can see his trauma in every moment he opens his mouth… his father was a psychopath.” You then recount a devastating story of a woman murdered by her partner — a man shaped by intergenerational violence. You describe cleaning the room afterward and witnessing the family’s shock. You ask why someone could commit such brutality, and the answer you were given was: “Because of how he was treated by his father.” This becomes a recurring theme: trauma passed from father to son, shaping violent men. 🏥 Colonial Harm & Healthcare You cite Dr. Marcus G. discussing colonial violence in Canadian healthcare: “We can’t claim to be trauma-informed… if we haven’t acknowledged the trauma that our healthcare system has caused many of our clients.” You reflect on your own experiences with non‑Indigenous mental health workers and the need for accountability. ⚫ Systemic Racism & Segregation You share a powerful story about the Tuskegee Airmen — specifically the Black cadet who spent four years at West Point without a single person speaking to him: “For four years he went to West Point… with not one human interaction.” You connect this to your own childhood experiences of racism in Calgary schools — being called slurs, physically attacked, and treated as invisible. 🧩 Evil, Narcissism & Coercive Control You quote Jacqueline Wilkinson on how evil often hides behind charm: “Warm and generous in public and yet cold, calculating and cruel in private.” You relate this directly to Nathan Chasing Horse — his charisma, his grooming, and how he targeted you when you challenged him. Followers later told you: “We were drinking the Kool-Aid.” 💔 Infidelity, Serial Cheating & Violence You include criminological research arguing that serial cheating is a form of domestic abuse and a precursor to violence: “Relentless infidelity is a precursor to coercion and then eventually fatality.” You connect this to stories of Indigenous women harmed by violent partners, including your friend whose husband played Russian roulette with their children. 👁 Sexualization, Objectification & Self‑Surveillance You cite research on how media sexualizes women and trains both sexes into harmful patterns: “The culture teaches her to install the judge in her own mind.” You discuss how pornography, advertising, and body shame distort intimacy. 🔥 Sexual Repression, Fascism & Bisexuality You explore Wilhelm Reich’s theory that sexual repression fuels fascism, and extend it with the argument that bisexuality is the human baseline: “The most repressed become the most dangerous.” You connect this to phenomena like Grindr crashing during conservative conventions — evidence of hidden repression. 💥 Hypersexuality & Trauma Response You cite PsyBody Therapy explaining how trauma rewires the brain toward hypersexual coping: “Sex can be the ultimate form of self‑medication… a cocktail of dopamine, serotonin, endogenous opioids.” You emphasize that this does not mean someone is broken — it means they are surviving. 🌸 Vulnerability, Oversharing & Predators You quote Dr. Kara Mitchell on how predators weaponize vulnerability: “Sharing a vulnerability is like giving them a weapon.” You reflect on how oversharing has been used against you — by relatives, by community members, and by predators like Nathan Chasing Horse. 🌺 Sexuality, Aging & Shame You discuss healthy sexuality across the lifespan, including elders expressing desire. You argue that fantasy is normal and not shameful — what matters is boundaries and consent. 🌧 Healing, Boundaries & Self‑Reflection You close by returning to the metaphor of potholes — relapse and recovery — and the importance of guided therapy, boundaries, and self-awareness. You end with gratitude for rain, for breath, and for being invited to speak about water with artists

Marina Crane (00:01.272) Good morning, Soutina. Good morning, Calgary. Good morning, Alberta. Good morning, Canada. Good morning, world. This is Marina Crane from Soutina. hey, what can I say? Maybe a little background about me, because sometimes I see most podcasters introduce themselves like in terms of like for indigenous people. When we greet each other, and if we don't know each other but we know we're from the same, say, treaty area, we'll say Hi, who's your father? Who's your parents? Who's your mother? And then once they acknowledge that, then we know how and who they're related to because again, oral history. So I've got a couple of parts that I wanna play and and it may go beyond an hour, but I'm not too sure. So again it's going to be tackling issues like like say I'm gonna do some psychological excerpts from from people. on social media who talk about Donald Trump, Machiavellian, narcissism, the psychology, the the whole no notion of like the discovery or the not I shouldn't say discovery. In a way maybe it is because there's a lot of things from the seventies onward after we'll say the sexual revolution, like the invention of the birth control, that a lot of women have uncovered about our own sexuality. as as well as the notion of infidelity because again a lot of times in in some well when I've studied psychology and and I've looked at people who work on their PhDs and lot of times people are so curious about human sexual like arousal. I mean people can go on and on and on and there's even excuses of why to be sexually active or to cheat. But We're going I'm going to try and do as much as I can. There's about one, six, seven, eight, nine, nine little excerpts, but I'm hoping to sort of get them all squished into one. And some of them I find interesting because you know, I've had qu quite a few decades of of listening to certain intellectuals. Now this this one here, his Marina Crane (02:28.034) He's Elder Bond Delora Junior. He's a Lakota. And it's from Four Corners Critique on TikTok that you can find this. And I will try to you know, give little bibliographies like other times in my podcast I haven't because I was just like going through the motions and I wanna give some validation in case any of my podcast listeners wish to Google or find these individuals. are badly talked. Marina Crane (03:06.336) I think that there's memorization in Indian burning techniques also, but it's it's a situation where you're experiencing something and then you remember it. So the elder will say always look at these bushes when the blossoms are a certain color. Of course you have to memorize that and remember it. But you're out there with the elder and you've had a hands-on experience. the way science and math are taught today, you're put this little room and then you're expected to memorize all these things. Nothing that you learn relates to the world you live in. So it's highly abstract, and I think it takes a while for people from outside that society. Science and math are badly taught. So again, lived knowledge, experienced exp experienced knowledge. So when I talk about being five years old going down a path with my father and my older brother collecting rabbits, you know, for our our daily meal, those those are lived experiences or even how to like skin a rabbit, how to cook a rabbit. I mean you could learn about it in class, but but to actually, you know, actually feel it, smell it, taste it is a totally different, different take on it. Now, today it's raining and and I'm going, yay, it's raining. and I've got my doors open, so I'm trying to get my whole home freshened out. just the staleness of everything. Even though I still can't see the Rockies, the fact that it's raining means that there's humidity in the air, and hopefully we can get some fresh air. Now, this next clip is by it's Marina Crane (04:54.154) a fellow, he's a Jewish guy, Gaber Mate. G-A-B-O-R-M-A-T Accent E. And he's talking about Donald Trump and it and the media handle for this is S H U N Y A. And this is on TikTok. I'm pretty sure yes S H U N Y A underscore 53000 is this TikTok handler's how he's posted it. whose father was a psychopath and who really demeaned and harshly treated their children. So Trump decides unconsciously that by the way I'm not talking about his policies here. I'm this is not a political debate, it's not choosing sides. I'm just saying that you can see his trauma in every moment he opens his mouth. His grandiosities need to make himself bigger, more powerful, aggressive, and he's as much as said in his autobiography that the world is a horrible place, a dog-y dog place, where everybody is after you. Everybody wants your wife and your house. And this is your friends, never mind your enemies. That's the world he lives in. Well that world that he lives in reflects his childhood. And he gets to be really successful and it's crazy. His brother, on the other hand, drank himself to death. When I looked at them both, I see dysfunction, there's significant dysfunction. So why am I playing that? Well a lot of times when when people wanted to know more about Nathan Chasing horse. Marina Crane (06:33.726) And and it's like it's a reflection on the men's relationship to the fathers, like in the case of Donald Trump, like the older brother was the black sheep and Donald Trump conformed to his father's wishes in order to feel like he belonged. now again, a lot of times like in my community, there was and and and this is a trigger warning. So i so if it's gonna trigger you then you know either turn it off not turn it turn it down until I get to my next video. But years ago there was a older fellow, maybe about five years older than me, and there was a a young woman around my age. She was single and this fellow had already had adult children and so they lived in a relationship and they eventually legally got married. they fostered children and the fellow had had been in prison for a few years because he he murdered one of his relatives. Now, even the this fellow's brother had also killed a former female partner. So so the two brothers had had a history of of you know, like of killing somebody. And people had warned this young woman not to marry him because he was a very violent Obviously his first wife left him because of family violence. And and a lot of this like like for me knowing these people and sometimes, you know, trying to find a reason why somebody would be so cruel and so calculating. so his older son got married and that night, because he'd been sober for so many years, start he started drinking. And in the and as he drank, I you know, everybody was away from the home, just him and his partner and the foster children. Marina Crane (08:27.446) the fellow killed the young woman. Now it it's not a question of like, okay, family violence, man kills wife. The it was how he killed her. because I mean it it was just it was just a horrific, horrific narrative. And even how they discovered her and like it was devastating because this was his oldest son's wedding. And, you know, it's supposed to be a a day of, you know, remembering and celebrating. But I mean I I I just wanna reiterate too that the this story is very old. and the the perpetrator, the man who killed his partner, has passed away. He had after he served his sentence he was banished from our community. but but it was the it was how he killed her. I I went over like to console because I know the family. I'm indirectly related to them. And it was it you know, I I walked into the house and everybody was all of his children were walking around like zombies, just you know, just in a daze, like in shock. And and so I I they had already removed her body, the police had gone and You know, there were just it was the aftermath. And I walked into the room where she had been murdered and and it was horr horrific. And I just couldn't understand you know, like nobody like people were numb. So so because they had taken everything and had taken segments off the wall, there was I just said we can't I can't like I couldn't understand or couldn't see his family seeing this 'cause they would walk by the door and look in and walk away. So so I I asked people you gotta help me rip the the the carpet out take everything burn it so we did that we cleaned out that room washed it disinfected it it it was horrific and and because like I I I just thought you cannot have this like without it I mean it's it's one thing you you remember it as as like that let's your your your someone you loved did this to someone they loved Marina Crane (10:45.874) And and so afterwards, I think in ser terms of my debriefing, I asked a lady, I said, Why would a man do that? Like he he not only killed her, he he took a baseball bat, broke broke her broke her neck, broke both of her arms and her legs on top like he like he shot he shot he shot her in the head. But but it was but even after she's dead he or I don't know the whole consequences, but it was the horror in which he just was so masochistic, just so brutal with her body. Like I I I I just like it was just the like why c how could somebody be so so horrible, like treat somebody this way? And and the answer was because of how he was treated by his father. And a lot of times a lot of people, especially especially men like they there there's this like why like what what what drives a person to do such horrific things and Again, like I mean like I like like don't get me wrong. I I've said things about mental health workers that are non-indigenous, and and rightfully so. here's here's an ex I mean I think sometimes n non-indigenous people do more harm to indigenous people. like I I said this w the story I said was very triggering. but yet you know, the family has healed from it and you know, like I said, this is historical, as the f fellow who who did the crime has passed away. And it it's just the reality of the relationships that that happen and and so that's why I played like Trump Marina Crane (12:56.546) like this interpretation of why Trump is the way he is, and again it has a reflection on how the father like would shame. So here's another excerpt, and this this again is parts of why I'm doing this podcast. The reality is that we can't claim to be a trauma-informed healthcare space if we haven't acknowledged the trauma that our healthcare system has caused many of our clients. In Canada and in British Columbia where I am, we have a notable demonstrated, evidenced history of causing harm to indigenous people. In Indian hospitals, through our participation in residential schools. And if we can't acknowledge that we as non-Indigenous people, that our people played a part in that, and that The that colonialism continues to be perpetuated. Our system was founded in that. That if we're not willing to address and acknowledge that, then you know it's like we're like we're gaslighting our patients. So it's not to say that we have to talk about it every time we see an indigenous client, but I think we have to be prepared to talk about it. I would say, you know, the history of the harms that medicine has perpetuated is woven into the fabric of the white coats that we wear, to the scrubs that we wear. And so there will always be times when we're working with our indigenous clients where talking about that or acknowledging that is going to be an important step to providing the care that those patients need in that moment. Now that if I can that's Dr. Mark it's D-R-M-A-R-C-U-S-G on on TikTok. and and I wanted to play that because like I I've said I've had a lot of no like mental health workers throughout the decades of my life and and even psychology instructors. So Marina Crane (15:21.496) things that I've had to question about my indigenous community and my indigenous self has been, you know, like I I'm I'm I'm constantly there asking questions because again, I'm sharing myself, but yet at the same time I know some of these things are triggering. And and rightfully so, there's gotta be ownership. But again, like I said, it it isn't just the fact that somebody wishes to apologize. It it goes it goes deeper than that. And so I I know there's there's stuff like most of most of what I'm gonna be talking about, like in terms of racism, feminicide, serial killers undermining cheating, and what evil is. Coercive hyper p hyper sexuality, I think, or fascism, self hate. Those are sort of topics, but let let's let's do this on racism because again, somebody had said like when is it all gonna end? And somebody says, Well As the people who are racist have to die. But again sexual revolution happened in the seventies and that's like how what, fifty years and we're coming to a position now where men are being lonely because women are really questioning whether or not they want to be in relationships with with men. Especially if men have so many issues. And I'm not saying women don't, because women do cheat as well. women do have all these psychological problems. That's just a matter of like having some dialogue about these things. So Marina Crane (17:05.131) I can get this to open where I need to get it open. The crazy part of this story was when he got into West Point in 1932, he's fair skinned, so they didn't know his race. So when he arrived, they realized that he was mixed, and which meant he was black. So they held him in the Commandant's office and told him to wait under his sign and said duty, honor, and country. And they assigned him a converted janitor's closet. He goes to sleep that night in the janitor's closet and they have a meeting the next morning and they say we accidentally let a black cadet in, you are to treat him as if he's invisible until he drops out. Every student, every faculty, every staff was in the meeting with one person. They got out of the meeting and for four years he went to West Point 50 weeks a year with not one human interaction. It is unbelievable what this man went through. And all he wanted to do was be a pilot in the United States Army and do the career that his dad had. And right before he graduates, they tell him they don't allow blacks to fly airplanes. So they told him we will pay you if you honorably discharge. We will start a law firm for you in Chicago. For you to move there and go to law school if you agree to drop out. So even after four years of no one talking to him, and he's in the top third the class, he failed three classes that require a partner: boxing, ballroom dancing, and CPR because no one would touch him or talk to him. Never called out in class, never a study buddy, whole campus segregated. Went to the West Point Army Navy game on a bus by himself to Yankee Stadium with a black driver. Marina Crane (18:52.12) This is what was going on at West Point. So now he graduates. Blacks can't command whites. Him and his dad are the only two black officers. They go to black colleges for four years, telling soldier young students, keep their head up, stay tight, stay focused. World War Two is about to start. Roosevelt wants to win. black vote, hires the father to be the head of black policy in America and says, What do I need to do to win the black vote? He says, you have to start looking at the military as fair, which means allowing blacks to do all the jobs that whites do. And he goes, Well what should I do next? He goes, you should allow blacks to fly airplanes. And he goes, Well who would lead that? And he said, my son. Next day his son goes down to Tuskegee, Alabama, plasti passes the flying test. President says if you could get more blacks qualified down here, you could start a segregated air force. And because he had gone to black colleges for four years, he snapped his fingers, 35,000 black Americans went down. They hired 15,000, 1,000 pilots, 14,000 ground staff, commanded by a guy who went to West Point and not one single person talked to him. And that's the story of the Tuskegee Airmen. And that's my family story. The crazy part of this Like isn't that amazing? When I heard that I just went, wow. Like wow. You know, imagine like when I talk about systemic racism and what people people who who have a desire to accomplish and and have a goal in life, what we can accomplish. But yet at the same time, like when talk about white privilege, or even even like la yesterday I talked about about how this young girl was smirking as she was watching a lynching. And it was so i that's how she like the whole society just sort of normalized. Marina Crane (20:49.392) Normalizes it. And the very fact that for all those years all those white students, privileged students, refused to touch him and even talk to him. Now, I mean, I'm 74. When I was five years old, it's the first time I went to school, and it was the first time I saw a white person. Like because the teacher who was white also had a white son and and like it was just it's just observing the interaction of of white kids. I even used to be a teacher's aide for for five year olds in the city. And and the dexterity or how they what they ha teach in kindergarten in terms of just walking in a straight line or being if they're not ampidextrous, just the human development. The physiology of it, whereas like with indigenous kids, they were already very physically oriented. Certain things that I've noticed in terms of biology is different too. And and and sometimes, like I want to also stress, and I've done this before, I know I'm sort of switching topic, but but the Dakota people have old type blood, we're universal donors. And and I talk about the seven color. Council fires of the code of the Oshati Shakoe. That that is a group of people, like we were hunting, fishing gatherers. Like even the Dakota in Minnesota, we were we were water people. We dug out burnt out canoes because of all the lakes in Minnesota. Whereas the Lakota, they were the prairie, they were riding like the horses. And then the Nakota, each of the seven council fires lived in different regions of the Americas. so you know, even like the people who raised horses and livestock, like their blood is different than their like I said, O-type blood. And it has to do with let's just again, there's so many theories behind it, but why is it so important for me to talk about about the like how different we are? Like even biology-wise, my arms are very long, my my wrists are very small, my bone structure, because genetic Marina Crane (23:10.704) genetically our peop my people, my ancestors, swam in those lakes. And like so I'm you know, so when I'm talking about things that are physically different, not only skin color, but e but just the physiology or the the s I don't know, I'm I I'm still so amazed at what the Tuscany like how that how that was created 'cause I've read about it in history and wor in the in the war, like these black servicemen. now why is it so important? Like again, I was bust into the city after eight age five because age five I was in day day school here in my community and then then for grade two we were bust in. And and the thing is like when you talk about segregation, even though we were bust in, it was the hate of the white students of how they treated the Soutanate people, the Soutanate children. Like my cousin said, she says, we were went to Catholic school and they just hated us. Like the segregation of it. And and for me I talk about like being called squaw, savage, even having to f like f like they taunted me to fight or would you know just push me around. And I had to fight back. As a as a girl. As a girl, get that. Like I said, I was so strong because I was hauling water and going down like eating off the land. So a lot of these white kids were very weak. Marina Crane (24:39.956) And like I said, I didn't even have any taste of sugar in my food until I was like in my early teens. So a a lot of these things that living off the land really I I think even terms of my parents and my grandparents and how how hardy they were, like how healthy they were, even even when b they became elders, as opposed to what's happening now to our indigenous children. Okay, so When I started going into high school then it became more obvious became ho more obvious about just not wanting to talk to me, not wanting to touch me, not even wanting to associate with me. And these are people that I went to elementary and junior high school with. So so even in in university and college and you know, people writing little notes in my and leaving it for me to to read like Bird in Hell Bitch, or stealing my art supplies, or or even the staff refusing to see my critiques. Systemic racism and how people project their c hate, either deliberately and mostly the shocking, it's the deliberate act, like I said, with that little girl grimacing seeing somebody being hung and and it's normalized. like she's treating this individual just like people would treat me as a woman of color as lower than a snake's belly. I I'm not human, so so how dare you treat me or even try to even see me. You want me to be invisible. Now now this is twenty twenty six and this still happens. So it's it's it's also one of the intriguing things why I just find it so interesting that that these things need to be talked about and yet and yet a lot of times we we don't we don't really Marina Crane (26:38.902) take take a good look at you know what like when I talk about white like I have a hard time trusting white women or mental health workers and I'm not saying they're all bad like I said I've my interaction and being educated and reading books, having some actual conversations and debates with people is important. Narratives are important. So here's another ex excerpt and I'm trying to get these so I can have a dialogue. It's as if the videos that I'm sharing with you are you, my audience, coming to me and my responding to them. This is how you know somebody is evil. And there's a deeply upsetting observation from the philosopher Nietzsche, who argued that the most dangerous human being is not someone who repels you. It's someone who charms everyone around you whilst making your life quietly, systematically unbearable. What he meant is that most people assume that if someone is truly evil, others will see it too. But the absolute opposite is true. You see, an evil person is not universally disliked, they are universally liked. By everyone except the one person they have chosen as their target. And you can see it because they are warm and generous and charming. In public and yet cold calculating and cruel in private. And when you try to explain to other people, no one believes you because no one has seen it. There are two kinds of dangerous people: those whose evil is visible and those whose evil is reserved exclusively for you. An evil person is loved by many and yet silently. Marina Crane (28:40.896) makes you suffer. Here's how you know somebody is evil. And as a deeply So that is by J Jacqueline Wilkinson, J A C Q U I W I L K I N S O N on TikTok. And and the reason I brought this up too is because, like 20 years ago when I met Nathan Chasing Horse on Bury My Heart and Wounded Knee, HBO movie, he was charming, delightful. you mean on set he was sort of like a distant because I was working with other indigenous actors like Adam Beach and Eric. Schwag. Those are notable actors. Okay, but and again he was charming and everything, but yet as soon as I as soon as I challenged him, as soon as I questioned him, as soon as he knew I was onto his grooming technique with my niece and saw the red flag, he made my life miserable. Miserable. And and in in April when I met one of like a lot of his followers who had known him and were cult followers and had left him for fifteen fourteen years and they said they said, Marina, we were drinking the Kool-Aid and we didn't know. I mean the one lady even came up to Soutina to to spot me. Like and and but she didn't she didn't talk to me then. But that was one of the reasons why I wanted to go down because I wanted to to actually physically meet her. And and so like she calls me, we're going to do a podcast later sometime this year. But the reality of it is like she had told me that that when I started writing my blog he he he targeted me. She she said that all the other followers Marina Crane (30:36.842) He he basically had told them not to not to Google his name because they would come onto my blog. So so like I said, I told her, I said I could sense it. I said I I sensed that yes, he was making my life miserable. and so in April when you had people from California, Montana, New Mexico come up and and hug me and shake my hand, they knew who I was only because this Nathan Chasing horse made it known to them who I was undermining me. They didn't even know me. Like Lynette said, she says we were d we were drinking the Kool-Aid and she says, When I saw you, I thought there's a grandma and I said, Of course. I said, 'Cause you see me, I'm I'm I'm a senior, I'm an elder. Like I'm I'm too a couple of years older than Nathan's parents. And and like why should I give that explanation when I'm writing my blog? People you know, if people have a tendency to not believe because he's so charismatic, so loving, so caring. I mean he had a following of at least three 350 people. And there are still people who are following him. There's still people who are desperately, you know, supporting him in a spiritual sense. So I'm I'm going to like again a lot of this this stuff. Marina Crane (32:08.684) You know, I I I I don't know, I think I think sometimes women, like as women we have to learn to love ourselves and we have to understand why if we hate ourselves, why did we get into this position? What is it that we d have been doing to our s like our self talk? And this is where I talk about s self defeating behavior and having skilled people help you navigate through through this rock like I always use the analogy of driving. and and you see potholes and as you're driving you you at the beginning you keep on hitting all these potholes. And those potholes are are mental health in the sense that when you hit the pothole you relapse and when you drive out of the pothole you're recovering. And and sometimes in the early stages when you when you are sort of deconstructing and and healing yourself, you you will you will have a lot of self hate and a lot of self loathing every time you hit a pothole. But you But you as as you learn to get out of the pothole and and recover, then then you're not so scared to hit that pothole again. And as as you drive the mo the more you realize not to hit those potholes. And and that's what guided imagery or guided therapy is all about. But you have to pick you have to really, you know, find a good a good mental health worker that's not going to be gaslighting you. so we'll hear this one. Before we isolate pornography, look at the culture surrounding it. Researchers counted how often women on the cover of a major music magazine were presented in a sexualized way. In the 1960s, it was 44%. By the 2000s, 83%. The most extreme category rose from 11% to 61. The visual language did not simply become more open, it became more narrowly obsessed with presenting women as bodies to be evaluated. Marina Crane (34:11.938) The American Psychological Association defines sexualization carefully when a person's value is reduced to sexual appeal, or when someone is treated as an object for another person's use rather than as a person with agency. Objectification is not merely showing a body, it is organizing the scene so that one person's interior life becomes irrelevant. Then the gaze moves inside. Researchers call it self objectification. A person begins to monitor herself from the imagined perspective of an object. Observer. She does not simply live in her body, she supervises it. That self-surveillance has been linked repeatedly to body shame, anxiety, and disordered eating. The culture teaches her to install the judge in her own mind. Women carry the more visible burden of this system, but men do not walk away untouched. A man trained to rank bodies is also being trained out of attention, to beauty that is familiar, to desire that develops slowly, to intimacy that cannot be sorted into categories. He may believe he is being liberated because the menu is endless, but an endless menu can make sustained appetite impossible. The woman learns to watch herself. The man learns to watch instead of meet. Both become less present and the market profits from the distance between them. So ask the crude but useful question, who benefits? Not the girl checking herself from every angle, not the boy who increasingly experiences attraction as comparison. The people who benefit are the people selling the comparison. And they earn more each time ordinary human intimacy begins to feel insufficient. Before we isolate So again, when I talk about healthy human sexuality, I'm talking about intimacy. A a lot of times a lot of times I don't think Marina Crane (36:00.258) we we give ourselves c enough credit to to realize like that we've been participating in practicing intimacy when when we've chosen a different lifestyle. And so a a lot of times too I think I think sometimes when it comes to the things that we expose ourselves to without even knowing that we're walking into danger. So again, pornography and the whole need to appear like the a movie star, hair done, nails done, you know, liposuction, you know, everything to fit the gaze, the gaze of advertisement and of selling those products and especially the the whole point too of pornography and the sexualization in advertising. Aga again, who is making the money? Marina Crane (37:01.686) must be out of your rabbit ass mind if you think that I made all of these statements without receipts. Because when I said there has to be a correlation between serial cheaters and serial killers, I wasn't thinking, gee willakers, I sure hope there's a connection. No, I said it because it's already been proven that there is one. I wanted all of you in my comments who are saying, it's just a part of biology, and this is just my personal preference, to let you know that you are part of a much bigger problem. Because if you took the time yourself to read any number of peer-reviewed articles, you would see that relentless infidelity is a precursor to coercion and then eventually. Fatality. Evolutional psychologist Dr. David Bosey wrote in his article The Murderer Next Door, Why the Brain Is Designed to Kill, that shows even a perception of jealousy or perception of infidelity in those who eventually turn violent is enough to trigger a violent episode. The very first name, unfortunately, that comes to my mind is Chris Watts. Even saying his name makes me sick. But Chris Watts was a serial cheater, and the idea of his wife leaving him, or the idea of her even suggesting divorce, was enough for him to unalive his two children her and Their unborn child. The idea of you slipping out of a cheater's hand because either you got fed up with it or you no longer believe their lies is unfortunately the age-old tale of if I can't have you, no one can. An everyday example of this is how many long-term cohabitating relationships have a new HIV diagnosis. I'm gonna give you two seconds to guess how many new reported cases of HIV diagnoses happen due to infidelity. It is up to 61% of all HIV diagnoses are due to extramarital affairs. There is a frequent and repeated intersect between serial cheaters and serial killers and wanting to control the narrative. Less famous cases like Jack Reeves or Earl Taylor are also people who subsequently killed multiple partners and made them look like accidents simply because they did not want to get divorced. Simply because they wanted to start their life over without the burden of alimony, child support, anything like that. I will always recommend for people to do their own research, especially because criminologists have been studying family annihilators for so long and can see this direct convergence all the time. The pipeline between infidelity and murder is real and it's killing our society. Literally. You must be out of your rabbit ass So Marina Crane (39:17.498) why bring this up? Like I said, I had a friend, a very close friend, who married into Sutina to a very violent man. I mean, this man became a leader, was voted into leadership. However, before that, like he was going up north, like doing a lot of manual work, like heavy heavy equipment, and of course, you know, participating in these man camps, especially when it comes to the exploitation of indigenous women. So he he he married my friend she became a band member but the way he the violence the like she told me one time he was so drunk he took a gun and he played Russian roulette with their sons two of them one one has passed away but just the violence of it and even knowing like like how he would just beat her and kick her with with his with his boots I mean she she did she did leave him because he was a serial cheater. But the reality of it is I asked her years later, I said, How come you how come you never applied for child support? She says, Because because she said, you know, I my children need would need a place to have their homes and and the only way they could access any property within even though we don't own our own land was to be politically friendly to his family and that meant like no you know he like in order to appease him that he didn't have to pay child support. Again this whole notion of like divorce, like he didn't want like the divorce, like I think he lived in with his common law relationship for years because again, he wanted to have control over his first wife. so Now that that has to do with like again her this is this woman's opinion and and sh her she's under S I I K D U B S Simca Buds or something like that. S-I-M-I-K-D-U-S B S in TikTok. Okay, now here I think is another one of hers. Marina Crane (41:34.272) I'm ready to piss some more people off because let's talk about why criminologists and people who are in the mental health space are pushing to have serial cheating classified as domestic abuse. And don't come at me and tell me it's just relationship drama because I think the last four parts of this series have already proven to you that that's not freaking true. Coercive control is domestic abuse. Domestic abuse does not have to be physical. Oftentimes it leads to physical, but domestic abuse does not have to be physical because it is just as damaging psychologically and emotionally as it is to punch somebody in the face. Sticks and stones broke your bones, and those were Sure as hell hurt you when it comes to infidelity, coercive control is not just a black eye, it is psychological warfare. When your partner engages in relentless infidelity, they're not only bending the reality that you think is true, but they're also innately exposing your life to a lot of health risks, even outside of HIV and other SDI. Not to mention how it actually changes the chemistry of your brain. Research on betrayal trauma shows that the changes in the brain for somebody who has gone through something like infidelity and serial infidelity is exactly. The same as somebody who has gone through severe physical abuse. It triggers PTSD, it triggers fight or flight response, hypervigilance, and not to mention stripping away somebody's bodily autonomy because you are not telling them what you are exposing them to. And as we've seen time and time again, once those lies collapse, it is a very short progression into physical violence. but you can't criminalize cheating to each their own. Everyone in the relationships are gonna do exactly what they want. Why? Why? Why are we okay with that? Femicine is the highest cause of death for women in. In the entire world. In the entire world. Hear me again. In the entire world. This is not a regional problem. I'm getting worked up, but I recommend that you look at the legal trends and see why people are pushing so hard to have this be criminalized because it already is a crime. We're just not doing anything about it yet. I'm ready to piss more people off because let's talk about why criminologists and people who were in the mental must be out of the I'm re So Again like coercive control. Now h when when I'm I'm talking about this and I talk about Nathan Chasing Horse and his coercive control, the whole need to have a harem of women, especially children, like like thirteen, fourteen, fifteen year olds that he could c control a as well as other women who who ha you know, like were drinking the Kool Aid Marina Crane (43:56.332) Why was the attraction so great? What what was it that he had to offer? Like what? That that he was gonna protect him from coercive control when he himself was doing the very same thing. But yet they just couldn't see it. So, here's here's another on The butterflies is an early warning sign that there's a problem. But the Hollywood movies, right, the romantic movies, even the Disney movies, it's all about sweeping a woman off her feet and you might get nine no's and then there's a yes. Well that's boundary erosion. So and when you're younger you feel that being pursued, they're they're interested in me, I'm really special. But actually what it shows you is that they're willing to cross your boundary. They don't take no for an answer, and that is the setup, and it's gonna become a big problem in throughout the rest of the relationship because what they've learned, if they do turn you, what they've learned is that they can make nine no's become a yes. And the more she resists, the more they enjoy it because it's that thrill of the chase, and that's what you see often with coercive controllers and psychopaths, and they love that challenge. And then there's a real change once they get you under their control and that leaves you feeling very confused. Because one minute you're on a pedestal and the next minute they're saying things and doing things that are so confounding. The butterflies is an early warning sign that there's a problem. But the Hollywood movies, right, the romantic mov So when we talk about the romantic part of it as well, because again, coercive control and even the whole nature of like like I said, women body sh like the body shame of themselves wanting to fit into like the Disneyland or the fairy tale princess or the romanticized version of things is is is part of all that what how did she put it? The I made notes for this too. Waiting waiting like to cross boundaries and like like to gain Marina Crane (46:12.898) like to resist and like when when I was nine eighteen I I had a really handsome fellow pursue me and and well I I don't think I was I don't think I was resisting much, but it was the notion that that when when you have somebody who is willing to cross your boundaries, like like if people keep on saying no, no, no. And when I lived in Utah there were a lot of my roommates and a lot of returned missionaries, like there was always this crossing of boundaries and the the women saying no, no, no, and eventually they gave in. They gave in to to this romanticized version. I I took a course, it was gender studies or was something to do with gender and it was just a support group of of of col like co eds. And a lot of them were engaged. Because again, BYU was called they had the highest degree earners of the MRS, the Mrs. Degree. So the the peer pressure to marry within the culture or within the religion was so profound. but again, what is coercive control? Why why why do why do people why do people fall or f want to be part of and and again That's just that's just the way things seem to be. Now, I'm not too sure if I played this one. Before we isolate pornography, look at the cult So even like I go again with pornography, the the whole notion of I I was talking to a young woman, she says, Well I want and she's married. she has some she's got some bipolar issues and she said, I want to be a pornography star and I'm going, Why? Why why have that why allow men to have that kind of control over you? And and even the whole notion like when on one of the podcasts I talked about gambling pornography and fo fast food addiction and and even then to regulate your cell central nervous system, especially when like with gambling you just go cold turkey, with pornography you ease yourself off and the same with with eating unhealthy foods. So a lot of these things that Marina Crane (48:40.76) that take time to to regulate your central nervous system and that's for both sexes. I'm not just talking about men. but sometimes too I think I think women too need to understand like we can talk about things but yet there's so many common commonalities too because women do cheat. Marina Crane (49:08.93) Wilhelm Reich argued that sexual repression, the kind that gets enforced through religion, through the nuclear family, through the idea that there's only one right way to be a sexual human being, that kind of sexual repression that is delivered through institutions produces a very specific psychological type. People who are obedient, people who are fearful, people who are dependent, and they are also very susceptible to fascism. And his argument was that fascism doesn't require evil people, it just requires repressed people. And the institutions that are doing the repressing, the church, the patriarchal family structure, compulsive heterosexuality, are the same institutions that make fascism possible. They are the mechanism. He was also saying that you cannot swap out an economic or political system like capitalism and expect things to fundamentally change if you leave the sexual repression intact. So if we move towards socialism, which I think is generally a good direction, but we don't dismantle the repressive nature of the church and the nuclear family and heterosexuality, we will just produce a different flavor of fascism. Now here's where I think he missed a critical point. He was working entirely through a heterosexual lens. And because of this, he did identify sexual repression as the key mechanism for making a society susceptible to fascism. But he couldn't imagine what freedom actually looked like because I would argue that a truly free sexuality has to begin with accepting that bisexuality is the human baseline. It's not a deviation, it's not a phase that someone goes through. It's not just a preference. I think it is the baseline. And I think that we need to accept that. And if we can do that, then a lot of other things start to make sense. For example, rape culture, the prevalence of rape fantasy specifically among men doesn't come from nowhere. It's a direct product of sexual repression. It's present when authentic erotic connection, intimacy, desire is not made accessible to men by the same culture that tells them what they're supposed to want. So what I'm saying is that when you don't allow men to express their bisexuality, you get rape culture. The fantasy of rape is what happens when you take a human being's erotic life and put it in a box for too long. And then we've got the evidence. Major conservative political events, grinder crashing during those events. Marina Crane (51:30.37) The worst kept secret in American life is that the loudest voices for compulsive heterosexuality are often being touted by the men who are privately terrified of their own bisexuality. The most repressed become the most dangerous. What I'm trying to point point towards is a deep interconnectedness of all of this fascism, sexual repression, rape culture, the church, the nuclear family. They are not separate problems. They are the same problem. And they are at the heart of what we call Western civilization. At the very core of what it means to be quote unquote civilized is a system of sexual repression so total that that most people don't don't even know it's there. They just know that they feel wrong in their bodies and they just know that desire feels dangerous. And until we dismantle that, until we actually accept bisexuality as a human baseline and stop organizing society around the suppression of that truth, we will keep producing the conditions that are ripe for fascism over and over because the repression is still doing its work. Wilhelm. So th that handle is either either either well twenty twenty-five. That's E T H E R W E L L twenty twenty-five. And the previous video that I had played about the willingness to cross boundaries in coercive control that's with co criminal analysis that's her handle. So again, the this last tape that I talked about that I played has to do like with gr like say grinder. I you this whole notion of rape culture, like sometimes I've heard indigenous women talk about rape culture, but it's only the skim of it. It's only the the top of the the iceberg, the the deep down rootedness of the parts that we don't see. Like this lady says, like if we can come to the point of the baseline is bisexuality and and and for men like like the to admit that, like like like I didn't understand grinder. Like I I swear and that's why maybe this podcast is out there for you too, because as naive as I've been in my life, I'm I'm talking about these things to you, my audience, as if like I'm at that Marina Crane (53:52.813) I'm at the point where like I'm I I've been so naive that that it's important for me to talk about these things in a podcast. like like I didn't know that when the Republicans have conventions in major states, this grinder website crashes because men are hooking up with other men. And and that's not to say that they're they're homosexual. I I think it's this whole fantasy or this this sexual what do they call sexual repression and and the and the the fact that they're they feel like they're in danger if they even try to openly express their sexual desires. it it like it's that's why I'm saying a narrative is a narrative is a narrative. for for me, I I think sometimes I like I've gone to white women And I and I've talked about my fantasies or my do desires, out of fear that if I talk to indigenous women it it would it would spread. But the reality of it is like my doing that also put me in a position of like like okay, I I I I became the guinea pig, I became the what do they call it, when somebody exploits somebody Like when you're like when somebody's manipulating or trying to coerce something from you. I can't remember the name of it. But but anyway, so I mean being ghosted is is another thing, but I can't remember the name of it, but it's it's not I've I've had that done so many times it it's not even funny throughout my the decades. So let's try this here. We're gonna be talking about hypersexuality and trauma. Yeah, it's a light day here on the channel. When you experience trauma, especially as a kid, it really does a number on several systems in the brain. Starting with like the amygdala, the body's threat detector, it can become more sensitive. The bit of brain noodle at the front of your skull, the prefrontal cortex, the spot that is responsible for emotional regulation, becomes less effective. Marina Crane (56:09.878) And then you have the stress response, which is full of hormones that rewire the brain to prioritize whatever fixes stress the fastest. When the electrical cucumber, your brain, is emotionally numb or anxious or feeling depressed, there are shortcuts like sex that will allow it to take a break and organize for a bit. And your brain doesn't tend to care about what works long term. It wants easy fixes. What works right now. And sex can be the ultimate form of self-medication because it is a literal cocktail, or quitail, depending on which way you're going, of things like dopamine, serotonin, endogenous opioids and endocannabinoids. And then you have a little bit of oxytocin, a bonding hormone, thrown in on top. So not only does it do a fantastic job of organizing everything and providing a break from emotional dysregulation, it is also self-reinforcing, which makes it pretty powerful. And it's no accident that things like food, alcohol, and gambling also fall into this category of coping strategy because they activate, albeit not as strongly, this same reward pathways and hormones. And evolutionarily speaking, or survival-wise, this is not bad programming. A brain that is raised in an environment that is filled with trauma, that is unpredictable, is going to become hyper-vigilant and it is going to seek immediate rewards or things that provide relief and connection. And sex offers reward, relief, and connection. Tab A is in slot B. You're connected. Please remember that stuff like this does not mean you are broken. It means that you are a survivor. The good news here is that if these are behaviors that you want to change, the brain can be rewired. It is malleable, and you can learn new, healthier patterns of coping. And while DIY is an option, it is beneficial to hire a professional when you are dealing with a complex machine like yourself. Marina Crane (58:18.552) They're gonna provide scaffolding and shortcuts and accountability that you simply may not be able to do on your own. But you're not broken. You're a survivor. Remember that. We're gonna be talking about So that handle is S C I B O D Y Therapy, Psy Body Therapy. That's on TikTok. And and this is like the foundation of what I talk about in early childhood development, cognition, The ability of what is what is consent, what isn't, why is it critical in in human behavior and even understanding our own self ability or inability to self-reflect. As as well as again the environment of how our parents have this effect on how we think about our our body self. So I again I completely try to use the like I'll say guided imagery. or eliminating self-defeating behavior, which is a whole science in itself, which has a whole structure of of different mental health practitioners who practice different ways of deconstructing and guiding you through imagery to eliminating self defeating behavioral thoughts. Behavioral thoughts that are based on what we talk about coercion, fantasy, so many, so many things in in even in terms of like if we're crossing boundaries or if we're gaslighting. And and the thing about it is like I I mentioned earlier too that that I had in my last podcast I was talking about a relative of mine who she had had an affair with a married man for fifteen years and I was talking to her about s somebody who had just recently lost his wife. And she made some sort of comment, Marina, why don't you make yourself more accessible to this this person? I'm going, No, because he wa he was a serial cheater. And you know, when it comes to co coer coercive control, she couldn't comprehend that. She she sh you know, she's pushing the narrative that that it's it's okay. And again, when I talk about self-defeating behavior and and like the reality of what is fantasy. Marina Crane (01:00:46.348) Like what like I think sometimes when when we're talking about what what is healthy and what isn't, sometimes we we we don't we don't really take a good look at at things like there there's one here I'm not too sure Before we isolate pornography I guess how you s The crazy bitch you And an N is still a No, so I'm I'm sorry that I'm sort of going through all this here, but I wanted to see if I can talk about stuff here. Hi, my name's Doctor Kara Mitchell. I've done the largest deeper study in the world of all the fields of research examining people who actively violate social norms and harm and disadvantage others by conscious choice. So I've done the deepest study into all of our global knowledge on psychopaths, narcissists, Machiavellians, Dark Triads, sadism, child trafficking, human trafficking, toxic leadership in politics, the military, business, and so on. There are a lot of gems that I found. one I'd like to share today's four things that are Different about human predators and that can harm us. One is sharing a vulnerability is like giving them a weapon and something they can use to hurt you. The second is sharing something you're passionate about gives them a source of future sadistic joy in their willingness and ability to be able to quash that passion or in some way undermine that. passion of yours. The third thing is telling them about something you've done wrong is a source of leveraging for them that they will use against you. The final and fourth thing is sharing a concern that you have about them or giving them some feedback about them gives them a green light to start undermining you to others. The moment they believe you've seen through them they will start to Marina Crane (01:03:11.518) what is referred to they will start a smear campaign. They will start to put their themselves above you in the eyes of other people or better than you or and that you are doing things that are bad so as to undermine you. Thank you. Hi my name's Doctor K So her handle is Doctor Karen Mitchell and she's on TikTok. And so again The four narcissistic psychopaths, vulnerability, they use that as a weapon. Two, passion, a source of sadistic pleasure. Three, wrongdoing leveraging. And four, concern about them. Green light to start smear campaign. So she's got a book called Human Predators. And and again, you you're welcome to look up these people and you know, find audiobooks or read about them. But but for me, this whole point of oversharing 'cause love language is also, you know, p a part that is natural, but yet when you're b showing your vulnerability to others and they use it to hurt you, and this isn't just with men, this is just like with women talking with other women too, or probably men talking with other men, the vulnerable like undermining passion So a source of sadistic pleasure. So even when I talk about healthy human sexuality, like I gave an example about my relative who who was who is like like the like a source of sadistic pleasure, you know, saying, well Marina, why not why not put yourself in the pathway of this this man who's grieving? And I'm going, no. Like like I'm trying to say to her. There's a reason why there are so many murdered and missing indigenous women. She didn't get it. I I didn't use it exactly in that word. But like for example, my whole life, even when I lived in the state of Utah, as an indigenous woman, I would I had white roommates and yet when men broke into our apartments, they only touched my things, an indigenous woman, moving my pictures around, you know, like I'd put papers in the door and to when I'd come home. Marina Crane (01:05:33.004) if it was if it was missing or something I'd know somebody had broke into the house. Or even like it's just just the whole sexual repression of Mormonism and and the underlying like when I say I as an indigenous woman, the things that I've experienced living in Utah, like even being stalked for years by by one guy and I reported this to the police over and over again. and and finally like they did talk to him and they found out that he had been not just stalking me but other and Native American women in in that little town of Provo, Utah. now they had told him and warned him that they he had to stop he had to stop stalking me or that I could charge him. So I I had no problem after that. He lived in some trailer court in the next town south. But but you know, my explaining this to my relative and I'm going I said even even the other week I went to South Central Mall to eat just at the food court and I had two two friends that came with me around my age. I told them, I'm gonna go eat, you know, I'll be up here when you're finished shopping and I explained to my cousin, I'm sitting there and this elderly man comes and sits behind me, watching me eat for a half an hour. Like he wasn't eating nothing, he was just sitting there watching me. And and then when he saw two of my friends, they finally found me 'cause I cloistered away behind a bunch of artificial trees, like in the food court. And as soon as he saw that I wasn't alone, he got up and walked away. And and I said to my my my relative, I said, This has been always the case when it comes to non indigenous men and how they wha how they see me, either as a young, like as a child or even an elderly woman. I said even w when I would be s pushing the stroller of my brothers and sisters, I'd have these grown men who'd come in from northern Alberta for R and R during July's Calgary Stampede and they'd be catcalling me a twelve year old child. So all that, that that whole sexualization or the Marina Crane (01:07:49.346) the hyper sexuality of an in inappropriate way that men non indigenous men see or perceive indigenous women as being less than that we are incapable of saying no. Th this is like and I'm trying to you know come I'm trying to say that, you know, when I'm sharing these under these intimate things about how I've felt when I'm around and my daily understanding of putting boundaries down and there's my relative undermining my own passion, my own like story. And it it's it gives her sadistic pleasure. That's why I'm saying it's not just men, it's also women. And and even finding leverage in in the wrongdoing. So like again, giving the l green light to do a smear campaign. And and again, you know, when when somebody asked me why did it take so long for people to stop Nathan chasing horse? Well again, both men and women, the the whole narcissistic psychopath, psych psychopaths. Like if if if people find pleasure in somebody like Nathan chasing horse, then what is it that they're akin to? What is it that makes them so common or a shared behavior? And I I truly believe it's because they're they're they they share that that character of s narcissism and psychopath psychopathology. Like they they weaponize the the vulnerable the the vulnerability, the passion, sadistic pleasure, wrongdoing leverage, like oversharing. Like even for me, when I talk about narratives and like even with my podcast, there's not anybody who's going to, you know, call me and use use my vulnerability or what I said in the podcast against me. This is a boundary because, you know, again, when I did my blog a lot of the followers of Nathan Choice and Horse never really reached out to me in emails. But yet I knew they were there because he took so much pleasure in discrediting me. And and again too, the like it it's like the the the Marina Crane (01:10:14.872) The smear campaign, the Machiavellian, like just the whole notion like like it's it's like when somebody shares something with you. Like I said, I when I went to Las Vegas and I came back and I I didn't share everything with with some of the people in my community. And and and because of that they were upset and so so like there's this smear campaign, like like because you know, it's like I've given them the green light 'cause I shared so much about about what was happening before but then I ought then all of a sudden I stopped. It's but again too, you know, the it if if people are really concerned and and and aren't aren't narcissistic or a psychopath, they they they would have some dialogue with me. They they just wouldn't just leave it like that. so let's see here I don't know about this one. Mm That's undermining people, yeah. So coercive cheating underlying serial killers, hom femicide. I'm ready to piss more people off because let's talk So I'm sorry. Sometimes I should just erase some of the things that I've already I've already done, but there are some similarities. Movies. and I don't want to I don't want to repeat things. Hi, my name's Doctor Gara Mitchell. I've done the So again I'm hoping that you will you will People who serial cheat on their partners are closer to being serial killers than other psychopaths, and I'll tell you why. Yeah, it's a bold claim, and I'll I'll stand by it. There has to be some sort of psychopathy linked to people who are willing to look somebody that they say that they love in the eye and lay dead to them every single night and then turn around and do the exact same thing to somebody else. No, I am not talking about polyamorous people. No, I'm not talking about people who are ethnically non-monogamous. I am talking about people who are saying that they are monogamous and then are Marina Crane (01:12:23.19) mentally and emotionally deconstructing the self-worth of the person that they are lying to and cheating on because you are setting that person up for years down the line of them doubting themselves, of them doubting their own instincts, of them doubting their own intuition, of them doubting every single person that they're gonna come in contact with because they remind them of you. Or no no no they're too different from you. So maybe now this person is also gonna cheat on them. Or or maybe this person who is telling them that they're gonna take care of them and they're gonna love them and they're gonna treat them with respect. No that person's gonna cheat on them too. You are setting them up for a life of not being able to trust their own guts because you are too selfish to tell them what it is that was really going on. There has to be some psychopathy linked to your willingness to do anything you want in the name of you getting your rocks off. And this goes for men and women because I've seen serial cheaters in both just sexes. And I believe this so wholeheartedly that I can't even take cheating tropes in books and movies. Because the second they introduce somebody as being, this person, you connect with them on this and this and this level. but then you're gonna go home and tell this person that you love them. Nope, I'm not rooting for you. Nope, I'm not rooting for you. Sorry, Scandal fans, I'm not a fits and Olivia fan. Sorry. I have always seen myself as the as a non-judgmental friend, but the second that cheating comes into it, I'm gonna tell you, hey, that's something you can't share with me. I'm gonna try to be the person who is a girl's girls the best I can. But if you think that I'm the person who you can come to and tell me all of your cheating escapades, I'm not the girl. Sorry, I'm not that friend. I can't do it without coming off as judgmental because I am judging you. I am judging you and I'm gonna say it. People who serio cheat up See, that's that's the whole thing about it though. Is like I said, my relative cheated with a married man for like over a decade. And and yet this whole like the distrust she has, the vulnerability sh she she carries with her. like even when I try talking to her about healthy sexuality or or even like if I'm engaging or like I like I made an example with my friend whose mother passed away like two years ago. She was ninety seven. And and that you know, even as we age, that doesn't mean we sh we shut off what we're attracted to. Marina Crane (01:14:42.872) Like our whole lives we're sexual human beings. But the reality of respect and boundaries and and for young people to understand the aging person or or even as as we age for for women and men, like how how do you connect? Especially sometimes when a lot of women haven't really have the the ability to talk to other women or even be that vulnerable. I made myself that vulnerable this spring. I was talking to my non indigenous friend and you know, I told her that I that I was sexually aroused by this this this fellow and and I said to her, I can't really talk to my indigenous female friends again too because I come from a small community. And she says, Marina, even if you don't tell, they know and and I'm going, Okay, if they know, they know. But the reality of it is like just the terms of trust like as a for me as a as a woman to trust other women with with what my sexual fantasies are. And there's there's one video too that has talked about sexual fantasies as being healthy. I wish I had put that I I did save it, but I just can't seem to find it. And and it it it talks ab it it's the reality that there is a difference. Now In basic psychology one one we were talking about like the what how do I put it? the the one psychologist says, you know, as a human being you look at a child and you think, I wonder what it would be like to have sex with that child. Now, the thought of it is just the thought, but it's if you actually t go on that thought and actually do it. Then at the moment of the action, you become truly unforgivable. Now, when I'm talking about sexual fantasy, that's in the same genre as like, you know, it's a fantasy. I'm not acting on it. This is just a feeling. I'm not acting on it, so it's not something unforgivable. But the reality of it is when I'm talking with some women, and again, some women who've not been able to trust their feelings. Marina Crane (01:17:10.7) that they they think it's in the same genre as acting on it as if it's unforgivable. And and and that's the like the whole gist of sometimes when I'm when I'm trying to I don't know, I just I just wish I had put put down a little bit more effort into into I thought I I thought I had I thought I really had this down to before we isolate I I really thought I had these things already ready for people to to to listen to but again The butterflies is an early warnings. So I guess what I'm trying to say without finding without finding the the exact video is that Marina Crane (01:18:09.75) It's okay to have fantasies male or female. It's okay to have a fantasy. There there there is a difference though of ac like the reality of it. It's just a fantasy. It it's not it's not taking it onto crossing people's boundaries. And and I g and I think too a lot of times when we've been traumatized or we've got this limerence and we're we think we're going into relapse and recovery, it's because we are our own our own worst enemy. And and like I said, I was quite vulnerable in the sense that I shared this with a non indigenous woman who has recently ghosted me. So like I've learned my lesson. I've I've learned my lesson. It it's important to do have these conversations and and to you know just it's not to have it jokingly like to joke about it. It it's the reality that we are We are sexual beings. Like I said, my my friend's ninety seven year old mother who refused to get up and walk in in terms of her physiotherapy because her daughter insisted and she wouldn't listen to her daughter and then all of a sudden her physiotherapist comes to the door, knocks on the door, and so my friend's on the phone with me and she says, You see my mom walking? And I said, Yeah. She said, She wouldn't walk for me that way. The only reason she's walking that way Is her physiotherapist is here and he's a handsome young man. Now, what's the matter with that? What is the matter with that? You know, I said to my friend, I am so grateful that that you've looked after your mother for 17 years. And it's not just that. I I I have another lady from Arizona who look her who's looking after her eighty-five-year-old mother who has dementia and Alzheimer's, and just she says, When I come home, I just see stacks. of boxes on my counter that she's how my mother arranged things. And like say with my my friend whose mother passed away two years ago, sh it just the reality of her mother being a sexual human being right until ninety-seven years old and and her actually living out those fantasies by walking for a young man that she found sexually attractive. I I mean for for me the fear of talking about my fantasies Marina Crane (01:20:32.962) with other human with other women, it was like like why would I be scared? And and again, why why would I differentiate between like cultures? A lot a lot of times when we we deconstruct wh why a culture is a safety net for people is is the understanding of of how that culture was made why why did society dictate these things for us? So I hope I hope th these has help these things have helped you and and that it's okay to talk about or even have those desires because you know when when for for me, because I haven't been sexually active for so long and when I do talk to women I I just say to them, continue being sexually active. even even as you age, like it's important. It it it gives you longevity, it helps your heart. It there's so many benefits to having your sexual organs I'm sorry, but both for male and female to to keep on you know functioning. It it's it's part it's part of being alive. And and if I could help people in understanding healthy human sexuality as well as like why you're afraid to express yourself in terms of what you desire or what you feel you're attracted to, or even understanding the very foundation of the religiosity that you were born into and to deconstruct it or or revaluated or even reinforce it is totally up to you. Like I said, J John Joseph Campbell, an anthropologist, had said that. He said, you know, some people feel the safety of just keeping that religiosity and that's fine. He said, but there are other people who who venture out, who who go thr who practice you know outside of their their culture, the religiosity. And and for me, I'm just so totally grateful for Wachashtawashte, for this this man who who is out outside of his comfort zone to be so inquisitive and and and putting boundaries down. Marina Crane (01:22:56.008) learn about indigenous women. And and you know, it's just like I how how how many and how often can people feel comfortable in investigating, truly investigating someone and and having the skill set to put those boundaries down and and use that because in doing so I learned so much about myself. I learned so much about myself and And even male sexuality. 'Cause like I said, I've never been married, I've never had a common law relationship. I think the only time I've and this is getting personal and again, I the only time I think I've ever no, I'm not even gonna go there. Just let l just let me just let me put it this way. I I have felt like true like intimate. I I understand the joy of sex. That's all I'm gonna say. I'll I'll leave your your minds to fantasy and whatever. But but I do strongly believe that when you have boundaries and when you do have the courage to heal, when you do have the ability to maneuver through that rocky road of of recovery and relapse, not just with alcohol or drugs, you take away that that those physical things. You're looking at your mental health in terms of self defeating behavior, self defeating talk. And just the inability or the realization that what makes you freeze, what makes you suppressed or hold on or afraid to even disclose intimate th things about yourself. Because again, when you're around narcissists and psychopaths and and and you're been stung too many times with slander, then of course you're going to really be concerned and be a skeptic. on whether or not you can trust another human being. Okay, so if I can find some of these sources that I thought I had nicely put out and haven't, I will do another podcast. And hopefully I am educating a a lot of young people and and even people outside of my culture about what it is that that we have to basically become more self-aware. Marina Crane (01:25:18.036) because there's there's fascism out there and and what it what it means what it what it means to to give up some of yourself or or even not to even have the ability to self reflect. Like like there there are certain things that happen that that makes us vulnerable makes us vulnerable to the point that we cannot protect the very people that we love and those that love us. So it's still raining. I'm just grateful that I can take a deep breath and there's moisture in the air. I hope where you're at that you're having a wonderful day and that you're not boiling to death or or suffocating from the heat or the smoke and and that you do enjoy the rest of the summer. again, wopidao mi dakya piawasana. again, we're we we're all related. tomorrow tomorrow I have I'm invited to talk about water with with a bunch of artists. And and so I'm I'm really grateful that the creative side of me and the things that I do talk about my podcast that I actually share with groups of academics. And so with that I hope that that helps in you understanding who I am as an Indigenous knowledge keeper and elder.