Challenging the directions of self-reflections and identity

(00:02.148) good afternoon. It's Sunday, July fifth, and it's storming outside with hail. And I am gonna go to a Mexican restaurant and pick up some menudo. I'm also planning to go and watch the Mexico soccer game today. Of course, yes, I'm sure for Mexico. But it it didn't dawn on me 'cause I've like I've been fans of hockey players, rode well, rodeo, not too much baseball, basketball, football, hockey. So af and I sort of found out who Ronaldo Christiane Ronaldo was a few years ago. And The fact that he's forty-one and he's gonna be retiring and the stats he's accumulated. Like I already knew he was he was what they call the goat, but I was talking to a friend of mine, I said, I think I like the sport of soccer. I didn't realize how many attractive and good looking, handsome men there are t on these teams. 'Cause you can actually see their faces, you can see their their arms, their legs, their knees. You know, they're not covered up with with protective equipment like in hockey and or a helmet like in football, like American football. So it it's an interesting it's just an interesting sport, especially like I've I've I've watched college football And so I know the dedication it takes for an athlete to to keep their bodies up to up to par. Okay. So anyway, happy July fifth. The Calgary Stampede is on the way, it's happening. (02:05.344) I was I was promised some some passes but I haven't received them so the I was planning to go down to see the Pow Wow on Tuesday but I have to change my mind because I it's just too expensive. And my friend's coming in from Montreal so I'll probably just go to a restaurant and and have a chat or a visit rather than going down into the crowd and the noise and the I don't know. I don't know. If if it was if I had a pass I'd go, but I I'm changing my mind. Besides that there were a lot of people who said they were gonna come for the stampede and about gee two weeks ago I thought, no, they're not coming. And that's okay. I mean my friends coming in from Montreal. I managed to go to a birthday party yesterday. And then I also went to a conference on action dignity, understanding and planning what racism, anti racism strategies, which is really interesting because a lot of the things that are happening on Sutina, especially when it comes to the five point one point five billion dollar economic planning that we have and how to incorporate spaces, green spaces, so that people could use them in terms of like cultural activities, systems and ways of combating like depression or any kind of anxiety that might lead to racism. (03:43.447) So the whole concept of deconstructing racism, mental health and balance, it's it's it's an interesting concept, yet I think a lot of times people are so westernized they they forget they forget how primitive we are as human beings. I think if we just ac accepted who we are and rather than trying to recreate or com make it more complex, then we don't really see the h healing modalities within our our cultures or within our our organizations and families like that have been handed down for thousands of years. th that's why this whole concept of Christianity and organized religion or organized cults really makes me like wonder the whole reason for somebody to have control over another human being. when really in the natural way of things is that is that we we're we're looking to to survive, just like to to plant vegetables, like if we're veg if we're vegetarians, eat that. But it's still the process of gett getting something done and and surviving and being happy in that livelihood that we're living. Things are not as they seem to be in terms of evolution and human development. And I I really think that leads people more into some sort of unbalanced pro I think I'm a skeptic in the sense that I say more into illusions or delusional ways of thinking. But yet at the same time I wonder how healthy is is it if those delusions or illusions help us progress forward too. (05:40.309) So anyway, I I did manage to meet two people yesterday who I'm hoping will help me I'll I'll set up a meeting with one of the developers and see if we can form some sort of workshop or strategy in sort of a cross-cultural orientation or just meaningful workshops for different age groups. in in understanding or deconstructing like s what silos are, what lateral violence is, like mental health, the whole process of mental health, or or even challenging our notions of am I am I a manipulator? Am I gaslighting? Am I fawning? Am I in limerenance? Am I infatuated? I am am I Like all these labels like am I an alcoholic, am I a drug addict? Am I a Christian? Am I a woman? Am I etc? All these realities of self-talk and the like I explained in a previous podcast, I said when when you're older and and you're retired and you don't have that busy schedule, you you still have to make a list of things that you're going to do. Now the whole process of it is just and even in social activity, because you can participate in various racist activities and just think that's normal. You can i do a lot of addictive things and think it's normal as well too. So it's it's it's a real challenge to do self reflection and to, you know, grip get a grip on things of like what what am I doing? How am I looking after my brain health? 'Cause mental health in in the physical and spiritual and emotional and all the holistic approaches to to wellness, is encompassing but yet at the same time (07:45.675) if you haven't been practicing it for a long time, then it's gonna be harder th the older you get. So, the the reason I talk about these things is because when I talk to younger people and they use words like gaslighting and manipulation or even just the reality like, I feel insane, like I feel like something's happening here because The narrative is like, if somebody doesn't say it, then what does the other person who's gaslighting like are they going they're not being challenged? See, a lot of times when I grew up with with white girls, I had one particular friend I knew her s I I I knew of her in elementary school and but I got start to go I started to get to know her when I was in high school. And then of course college, university, and and even just keeping in touch with her. But for me as a minority woman who wears her skin, I I t tend to think like it why is it that I'm approaching this white girl? w what is it what is it saying that I have to approach people? Am I not a good person? So I mean it's a very complicated construct if you really look at it and you wonder, are why do people why are people afraid of being alone? And so I I think a lot of conditioning for for young women it has been conditioning. So by the time they get into relationships, having children and then being divorced, it's really difficult for for for them to be living alone. like yesterday at the birthday, there were two little babies that were there. Like when I say babies, like I'm saying four-year-old, two-year-olds. (09:48.179) And the the couple there were saying, I just I just wanna ha like they're they're you know, they're well like fifty and late forties, so you know, the whole reality of like still wanting to have children and the the two couples says, Well no we can't. I w we just can't. But but we do love children. And and the reality of it is like I I don't think some men I think some men just have it in their n mind that women all women behave a certain way or all women react a certain way when a man touches them. Some things of these are true. However, I said to the birthday boy, I said that doesn't trigger me. I said when I see a child or a baby, it doesn't trigger me to want to have children. I said, because I chose not to have children. So all those hormones, like for the nine months of hormonal changes within a woman, even the after she gives birth, the five years of losing her identity to raise that one child. It like it's so critical in the sense that if you're a if you're a woman and and you have some trauma when you're a child, and again Again, too, the the the theory of all this, you you really have to take a look at it in terms of the construction of community. So, how do you take care of say, a child under the age of ten who's been severely traumatized? and again, let's hypothetically look at somebody under the age of consent. 17, 16, 15, under the age of you know, under the age of fifteen we'll say. And they've been traumatized as well. So they are looking and they become infatuated. See, but the reality of infatuation too has to do with whatever neglect they had experienced in childhood. (11:51.463) n I'm not talking about the sexual assaults or that. I'm talking about like being being silenced or not being noticed, like not feeling that you're loved. So I use the concept of the Dakota people and the Seventh Council of the Great Sioux Nation and the birth order. So my older brother was Cheskea, I'm Hopan and and if I if it was Nakota, I'd my Nakota grandmothers called me Winona. So so the first five children that are born within a given family, the f oldest boy is Cheskea. Now imagine if you had a community of fifty fifty families and each of these families had a cheskaya. Okay? Or if the if the oldest was a girl, Winona. So so if you had a whole bunch of Chescayas and you're a child under the age of ten and you're hearing the language being spoken and you hear your name Chescay being talked about, you think, I they they're they're talking about me. I must have done something important. So so the the whole theory of neglect isn't there at all because the child with belonging to that that cultural group is is is part of this community which makes that child holy. So the the concept of what is holy in terms of religious I ideologies is is is is is profoundly not what it is in indigenous ways of knowing and culture. Now, what does it have to do with trauma? Well, again (13:37.955) With the onslaught of alcohol and drug abuse, again the different perceptions of our physiology or the lack of understanding our own physical bodies because we're raised to believe that we're savages and we're ugly and like just stupid. So a lot of these I things about identity, like do you accept them or do you just say, Okay, I'm not worthy to be loved? So those different things that come up in child That's without physical sexual assault, that's just environmental. Now, that's why I'm saying there are different constructs in how you how you talk and deal about racism or anti-racism, lateral violence, gaslighting. how do you look after your how do you understand mental health and how do you educate your young people? When it's a holistic approach. Like I said, with the seven councils of the dec the Sioux nation, there were so many Cheskes, Winonas, Hopas, Hopsties. It goes it goes down to the first five oldest. There's birth orders. And so I say so when when everybody has energy, at what point does the soul develop to the point where like okay I I'm becoming an individual. So in in Western theory they say that is when a person understands consent. Now even that, even if you're fifteen and to twenty one and you you're start you're understanding consent and by the time you're seventeen your bodies are mature enough like to you know actually feel a sexual orgasm. See that's the whole misconception that I think a lot of people who have illusions or delusions or some sort of fantasy about I i about abuse, like they they just don't th like there's no convincing them. They they just get they just get sexually aroused around children. But at the same time too it's dangerous too for women because (15:59.469) The fact is when a man starts beating a woman and the fact that when he beats her he becomes sexually aroused. And the man says to the woman, I'll never hit you again but yet again he has sex with her, again he wants more sex, but the only way he can get er an erection is to hit her. Now that's with women. We're we're assuming that there's no s trauma with that woman. but if you have a child who's been traumatized and and you have adults who have that same theory of being sexually aroused by scary children, not hitting them, scaring them and sometimes yes, physically assaulting them too. And that's the extreme that is is so diabolical. Now why am I talking about all this stuff and why have I studied and understand like all these things about Nathan Chasing horse? Because there were so many indigenous women who were detached or adopted or fostered or had a status card but never lived in their Inuit Metis or First Nations communities. And so they had this disconnection. So again, this is part of the colonial construct because indigenous people don't have sovereignty. And I think a lot of immigrants don't understand this. I said when a woman has Five children, has never been married but has five children, and so she's got she's lived in First Nations in Wit or Metis communities. Because we don't have sovereignty over our child and family, whatever child and family services that are in those communities are run by the province. They're funded by the provincial government as well as the federal government. So when I talk about sovereignty, I'm talking about the tribes, the indigenous people who actually have the revenue of their (18:03.824) under their own hands to pay and create these programs. That's sovereignty. It it's the same thing as like not f like for me I've grown on the land, I've lived on the land, I I'm gonna die on the land. I I don't have any concept of like being forced off the land, being tr bombed and and forcibly told to get out. Like those things off the land, a lot of immigrants who come into the country have come from places like that and and so they have a poor construction or ideology of what Native Americans have gone through. So for that reason, for my podcast too, is is part of that is to to let people know there's there's there's more to there's more to just talking about systemic racism, there there's the whole construct of community and history attached to it. And and so even though there are common threads in terms of humanity, the the reality of of what what I talk about doesn't really hit home until until the the like the we we hold space for each other. Now What does it have to do with my community? Well, a lot of constructs that we have in our community and how we heal is is based on kinship and and again based on community and I and I truly believe in matriarchy. (19:53.921) And I I use the concept of Eastern Canada has been a hundred years more assimilated into systemic racism than Western Canada. So a lot of the indigenous people in the East have raised their children into patriarchy. I know the Mohawks say, well, we come from a matriarchal line and they're and they and they're staunch about it. They're staunch about it because they know when when the mum raises the child the first five years determines determinants their ideology or the way they're gonna think because it's set in stone. They're either going to be patriarchal or they're gonna be matriarchal. And the the world's the world's population is matriarchy. And it's it and it's through patriarchy that we get all this fighting and global globalization of resources. And the reality of it is like imagine the thousands of atomic bombs that exist in this planet today. And that what what how many thousands of years, fifty thousand, hundred thousand, however many thousands of years, they say there was a asteroid that hit the earth. Now they tried to calculate how many. times asteroids have hit the earth that totally wiped out the dinosaurs. Now I use the dinosaurs for example because they've been around for 250 million years. And as human humanity we haven't been around that long, but look at what we've done. We've created atomic bombs. When an atomic bomb and however many bombs are exploded in one section, that's as good as an asteroid hitting the earth. And with that produces catastrophic events. (21:37.943) Now we see events happening in say like this hailstorm that I've got going on outside, or the heat waves that have been going on in the United States, or the tornadoes and hurricanes all over the world. Flooding, drought. Ugh it's you know, people people think, you know Again, people want to put attachments of the this is the last days or like no, no, this is the reality of it is this is the way we're living and this is the way dinosaurs lived. Like and even that, like they said, did you know that it rained for two million years on Earth nonstop? So phenomena and things of how we live and who we choose to live how we see things i is based on on the history and understanding science. And at the same time too, a lot of people didn't understand how sophisticated the the Sioux tribes were. I was talking to a Japanese lady and I said, Yes, we we because of the c of our system, our clan system, the and the matriarchy of it and the rituals and ceremonies that have been handed down for thousands of years with the sweat lodges, woo weepy and sundance, it just didn't happen five years five hundred years ago or four hundred. This has been going on for thousands of years that our bloodline were universal donors were we were we carry negative blood o bloodline and and she said she said so do the Japanese we we understand bloodlines and and the thing is like that that is that's the the nature of a culture that has been living like you know like living their culture for thousands of years but in terms of indigenous indigenity or just (23:28.208) what it is to be indigenous. white supremacy and systemic racism has oppressed and erased that or tried to erase it. Why I'm saying that is because I live in Western Canada and And I know I'm a matriarch. I know my community. I know how we've been living. We're we're economically developing to a point of one point five billion dollars based on community and c collective and holistic approaches in thinking and how we treat each other as neighbors. And and the whole concept of how we evolve is is critical. one of the young men who grew up here He's a millionaire. We were talking and he sa he says, Well, Maureen, even your psychology background. See, the thing is, Th this is what I was talking to him about. He says, Marina, a lot of people don't re see your s see you and I and I said, Yes, I know they don't. And and that's fine because for me, talking about what I know in my podcast and trying to educate young people about the historical events that that even if you're a foster child or your a ch your your grandmother or your mother was married to a non, like to a white man or some other culture and you've but had some disconnection from from your the matriarchal side of your lineage, you're still you're still in the process of reconnecting. You're still in the process of advocacy. Because see the stark stark difference is if if you've never lived in First Nations, Inuit or Metis communities and you have a status card, leave that money. Don't touch the money. (25:17.376) Leave that money for the people who are actually living in those communities, like the First Nations, Inuit and Metis communities. Don't be taking that money if you're living in a city and you're professing to represent your tribe when you've never lived there. The the best option for most people who I've met who carry status cards is the fact that they don't take money from their communities. They don't say that they represent their tribe. They they just s show their status card and say, I'm proud to be indigenous. And they manage to, you know, work and live and, you know, become millionaires. but some of them some like I said, a lot of people have the misconception that people who've actually grown up lived in indigenous f indigenous that means First Nations Inuitan community Metis communities that were we're all poor, we're all not millionaires and rich or intelligent or educated. That that's a fallacy. That's a fallacy created by by even people like I said, status car c status holding hard indigenous people, because they want those resources that somebody like me, who's lived you know, most of my life and I've grown up here my whole life, say for the exception of about twenty years, those were my choices. But again to it's to understand the community that you've grown up and what it means and what what it means to to heal. And and to understand that that it's not just you as an individual, like it's not just me. (27:00.578) The fact that I that I talk to other indigenous people and that we share the same spiritual, psychological or cultural cultural phenomena or cultural validation of of the things we experience in ritual and ceremony in a holistic collective approach is phenomenal. And a lot of people don't get it. It's like it's like interrupting me in the middle of a story. They did they weren't there at the beginning of the story. They're they come in somewhere in the middle and then they want to be there until the end and I'm going, No, no. You can't participate because you weren't there listening to the whole story at the beginning. You're only getting fragments of it. And if you just want the fragments of it to say, I understand racism No, that's not how it works. That's n definitely not how it works. But again, you know, people want that magic wand, abracadabra. And it it's it's just not the way life is. It it's like I said, there are hung prayers. And I and I and I give this definition because it's the basic construct of healing and how communities run. Because realistically, the people who are organizing the this work these workshops or this movement of people have to have to have their foot in reality. They have to have the understanding of how how we are as human beings and how we think I don't think people who've actually lived in tribal communities or indigenous ways of knowing can grasp it. and people want to say they understand it because they belong to an AA group or they b they're Mennonites or they're Mormon or whatever little community they have created trying to do a support system does not work. (28:59.562) it it's like the ba a band-aid. We'll call that in the hippie movement in the seventies or the sixties, like it's it's Kool-Aid. you know, because people all those soldiers that were being killed in Vietnam, like it's you know, th it's the re th it there was Kool-Aid so that people didn't have to really understand the the gravity and the destruction and just the devastation that was going to happen. So a lot of times we do we do sip the Kool Aid. the reality when I was talking with a Japanese woman, I said, yes, the first and again there were people from India too that I was talking to and I said, the first five hundred years they killed five generations of indigenous children. That's a hundred and thirty million children. I said, but you you gotta calculate that within a hundred years how many how many millions they killed a year. I said so I said so when you look at World War Two and you say, they killed six million Jews. No, that's just that's just a drop in the big bucket of humanity, just a drop in the the the the how how dangerous we are as human beings. That the fact that that people from the other side of the world who were separated by by an asteroid hitting the earth took it upon themselves to to to kill. Come over to a new land thinking that we're from another dimension. (30:40.942) killing us off through diseases because they didn't understand the horticulture, the culture, the the amount of agriculture, the things that we progressed on, because we were not hanging prayers on ourselves. Our communities were not hanging prayers on ourselves or other people. And and so that's the basic understanding of it. And if you can understand that rationale, then at least you're one step forward. Because you gotta take a step backward too. So the reaction The reality of it is even after 500 years, indigenous people, even through Indian residential school and all this, you know, creating industrial schools because they found oil in in our on the land. And again, it's only been 74 years that they started putting fences around the reservations in Treaty Seven because they found oil. Calgary is the the largest American influenced city in Canada. they have the Calvary Stampede when I was a child you know white tourists would come in, take pictures of this little savage here, this little ho in her street clothing and say, Take a picture of the little Indian girl. Look at her, poor little animal. You know, to this day, you know, like I say, it's when I allow someone to take a picture of me for good reason. I don't have pictures of myself as in ch as a child, a teenager, young adult. I just don't. There are few and far between. But the notion that when somebody takes my picture that I'm just a an animal, a zoo animal, that's where I like I just thought, my goodness. but that's that that's the critical thing is when I went to Las Vegas, I allowed my picture to be taken. When the fifth estate aired, I allowed myself to be tape recorded. Because the message I had had to be had to be there it had to be said. going down to Las Vegas, closure had to be done. And if if it meant my image being pictures being taken, then so be it. But it's a very difficult thing that I that I do when I have people takes take pictures of myself. (33:08.95) I know some of my podcasts and YouTube I do have some video, but I've changed that too. So it's it's a really you go call it a psychological trigger for me. And because again, we get white people looking at an indigenous child as being something ugly and a beast and a monster. Yeah, y y y really, I had when I was fifteen I had I had g white girls and white boys in Manitoba calling me beast. so when I look at my pictures when I'm like twenty twenty three and I see myself as a beautiful indigenous woman, I I never I have never seen myself like that. In when I was younger. Now that I'm older and I look at my picture and I'm going How come I never saw myself that way? But yet it but yet it was the handsome men who who I did it (34:15.919) have relationshi well, I d like I don't wanna say relationships because it wasn't a relationship, it was a sexual encounter. The handsome men I've had sexual encounters with always baffled me because I wondered what do they see in me. 'Cause I I I like I said, it's that systemic racism and the the brutality of children or just people who are jealous or just hate the fact that you wear your skin. But that the very fact that you have an opinion and that you can stand up and face them. You know, I when when kids would call me call me down, I just grab them and you know just well take them down. You know, like you you're f those are fighting words. It's it's it's just part of the system. And and so as we get older and how we understand things and how we we find partners and families and how we'd hope that our own offspring can defend themselves. You know, it's it's it's it's a r a reality. I think the younger people have a lot more challenging places and things to do, but at the same time it's important that those terms are used, like even pronouns. Even words like trafficking, limerence, tr gaslighting, terms terms need to be identified and understood. So again, I'm I'm going back to the construct of childhood development and and the age of consent, which was totally revolutionary for me, especially in deconstructing the whole nature of Nathan Chasing horse's ceremonies. and how it applied to other like my relatives, relatives I knew who who were also pedophiles. and the whole nature of the deconstruction of where that all came from and and why fawning and limerence was so entrenched with indigenous women, to the point that even women who were ten years older than me were were so delusional or so (36:35.407) What's illusion or delusional when it came to just a man being nice to them? Like I like when I say I haven't been married or had children or been sexually active in forty nine years, any any sense of illusion or delusion when it has come from me talking to a man has had to I've had to do a lot of deconstruction, I've had to do a lot of interactive. talking with men, I've had to really take a look at what motivated me to talk to that man or or what was the purpose in in in the infatuation. And and again, was infatuation a taboo? Is it does that make you a lower animal because you're you know, feeling these responses? See, limerence is is the offshoot of infatuation, which is a deeper psychological personal disorder. And and it takes a hell of a lot of guidance over years and decades to recover and relapse from this structure, this construct that we created from childhood. Not any fault of our own. Like I said, for me, the trauma isn't the same trauma that people think of. like they try to stereotype type me and I'm going, No. I I'm very fortunate that I have white friends who who've had traumatic childhoods. Successful people, you know, upper level, middle class, grew up middle class and they themselves became educated, can write books and all that and and function even though their childhood was so traumatic. I mean I've I've met an anishnabi woman had her master's in civil engineering who was a victim of incest. So the fact that their childhood trauma happened say from the ages of ten, under ten, there's a different psychology in under ten. And again, people universities don't teach that until you get to upper level study courses. (39:00.771) But even from like ten to fifteen, again too, there's the there's more understanding of that and the effect it has on community and society. So like I said, the the notion of of what the capacity of the brain can do to people is far more it's far more complicated than we than we want to when we want to believe. It's like we we want to believe in Cinderella or the three little pigs or Sleeping Beauty or or you know, any fairy tale story, we we want we want that. but the reality of it is it's far more complicated to understand the human condition and how we as individuals how who we are. And I use the analogy of as individuals we're we're we're just nothing but a bunch of ants. If you go look outside and sit and watch an ant working in an ant pile and you see them all scurrying around, doing, you know, just working, working, working, like people in the city get on the subway, work, work, work, move, move, move. That's ants. Those are ants. Then you see you see what happens when when something happens to the ant pile, like it rains, you they can sense rain coming, so everything's moving. Everything's moving and shifting. So that's why I say the analogy of of holistic and collective approach, that's how we operate. Now, if you've been separated from that ant pile and and you're let's say even even be even if it were in the ant pile or outside the ant pile that you experience some some horrific trauma. Like like the s the sadness of it is that there are some things you cannot do. There are some things the human brain has is has a is not far advanced that we can overcome some of these traumas in the sense of functioning to our fullest capacity. So let's say our fullest capacity is to be able to read energies. (41:26.483) And because of the limitations either that happened and s mostly I'll use I'll use a really severe case under the age of ten. how do how does that ten year old who grows up has all these social problems, how how do you how do you heal that person? it's really difficult if if there's no connection to community or the holistic conceptual approach collective. like an ant pile. You can you you can come back into the ant pile and heal. But but see, this is the thing that people don't understand is that that ant pile has to identify you like you have to identify with that that community and and and be part of it throughout your whole life. If if you if you tend to leave the ant pile be because of the trauma that happened to you, y you you can't you you you psychologically or just the way the nervous system is set up, you're unable to function outside of that ant pile. Because again, this all has to do with consent. Now if if if you're in the ant pile and you haven't had that horrific trauma and say you're a teenager, then there there's a little you know, you get some some understanding of okay, I I do know the difference between like if I'm a good person or if I'm a nice person. I can talk to human I can t talk to other people, I can function fairly well. And you you can, but you're always gonna be prone f to relapse and recovery. And and so you're cognitively aware of it and you're and you're trained to deal with it. So so you can temporarily leave the empile and come back. Now, again too, if if you're if you've been raised your whole life, say in a matriarchal system where there's ritual and ceremony and you've been protected and you've been raised a holy child, a holy teenager, a holy young adult, a holy adult, and then you go into your old age (43:41.412) Then you're fully functioning in the sense of being holistic and collective. Because it's not an individual thing. It's a communal thing where you know the creator, the grandfathers and grandmothers' will is being done. It's a different concept in individual thinking where you're trying to be the president of the United States or the King of England. Those those concepts are so foreign to indigenous ways of knowing. and again they're constructs that were created to create control and have little capacity in in establishing healthy human sexual identities. So so it's important to to humble yourself and think of it like, my goodness, I'm just one ant in a ant pile of eight billion ants and but we've got to live in this ant pile. Even if an asteroid hits and and whatever ants survive, then how are they going to function to get that ant pile up to par again? So that's part of evolution. If we do not have the capacity to understand change, to understand healing and to understand the connection between all of us, some idiot will blow use an atomic bomb. Maybe maybe five or six will b explode in one section of the earth, which would create a devastating effect of of an asteroid hitting the earth, which would totally annihilate the human race or or have remnants of the human race separated into two different continents in the world. And one one group will will evolve different than the other. In terms of the way they think and their ideologies, and even how they perceive healthy human sexuality. And and just based on that freedom or the way the other person, the colonial construct, looks at someone like me, they'll say, she's nothing but a whore. She's a bitch. She's ugly. Who would ever want her? Because (46:01.827) They're looking at my culture and s and trying to say who would want to live in that culture, who would want to be that way. And yet and yet when I look back at my DNA, I look back at the earth and I look back at all the contributions of Native Americans in the entire world and and I say there's gotta be some reason there has to be that this image of a woman coming down off the clouds with two men seeing her, stepping into that cloud with her, and then when the cloud disappears, she's standing there with only one one man. The other man has disintegrated into dust and bones. And the analogy for that is the one who who just disintegrated into dust and bones were the ones who weren't following the matriarchy, who weren't looking at the the woman as being holy and everything that she does is holy. So the ceremonies and rituals that were handed down ten thousand, twenty thousand years with the Dakota Sioux people, and and even how you look at other tribes in clan systems like Raven Clan, Bear Clan, all these clan systems, with the Oshati Shakoui, it's seven council fires, that there were matriarchs who would go into these ceremonies have a collective holistic approach in in reading energy because in those ceremonies they're you're not talking you're you can't see, you can't touch, you can't feel. Everybody's collective. Everything that you sense there is is created by the group, like the group of ants. Because they can see it, they can sense it. You can you can take a group of ants and make an obstacle course. And you can have them have this big stick to to take this big stick from one end to the other end. And it may take hours to do, but in a collective, holistic approach, when they all work together, they can get that stick through the whole system. So that's what my analogy of what it means for me to be Sutina. Are what we've done in terms of economic development, in terms of of how we forgive and even how we understand restorative and (48:29.251) holistic approaches to justice, even how we understand how we raise or how we respect each other's tribes, even though we're one tribe in itself. The r approach and the understanding that that we we r we we're not alone. Like like I'm alone in a physical sense, 'cause I've never had a partner or children, and I and I don't have offspring to gauge like how how I look, how old I am. It's only when I go into community or with other people that they call me elder, Elder Marina. And and so then I understand, okay, I'm an elder, this is how old I am. Because again, how I see things and how I do things, and even how I think ha has been for a purpose. And if that purpose is to educate and to make people who are immigrants who are coming into the North to the Americas, or even white people who have realized like they they just have had this privilege where they they've walked into the the middle of a story a storyline, a middle of a narrative, and have only heard the middle part and do not realize that they could never understand because they weren't there at the beginning. So so for them, where is the beginning? You know, once like I said, once a person raises a child on like the first five years, it's their the the the clay or the the model or the what that's in stone. That's set. You you you you you you're you're you're you've come into that middle and and if you're trying to change the the model you can't do it because it because you came in halfway or you haven't really understood the process. Even though you've feel because you can see, think and talk that you're part of humanity. And I'm going, Yes, you are. But there's a holistic side of life, this energy that we that that communicates. That's the only way I can explain it is is the Sioux call it the Great Mystery. Because it's an energy that that is sacred. It it's it's (50:54.273) It's y you can't you can't see it, you can't touch it, you can't feel it, you can't smell it. All the senses, you know, like you think, okay, how you see things when you pick up a cup of tea or a cup of coffee. That that's those are the senses. But there's a great mystery that when people come together in a collective holistic approach with a dynamic purpose, that energy is is created. And in ceremony, sometimes you s hear it in eagle feathers flying around in in the darkened room, or you hear an animal coming into that room blowing their horn. You hear and see things. And and so this great mystery i is exposed. And and it's not it's not directed to one individual. See, Western ways of knowing, especially with Nathan Chasinghorse and his cult, was the fact that he took that colonial construct. this king and president type of construct and and made himself appear to be invaluable when it wasn't him. It w it was the great mystery that that people experienced, but he bastardized it and took it as his own rather than creator and grandfathers and grandmothers. So I hope that explains what I'm trying to say in the sense that there's so many young indigenous people who I've been talking to, that are artists, that are educated, that are business people, who are millionaires, who are out there thriving, that I'm grateful that I've lived this long to have a conversation with them, and that if I can give them any insight into this great mystery and how it operates in in a holistic collective sense, I use the analogy of the ant pile. And and I hope you understand that because i it it takes a long time. It took me a long time to to have closure with this. Because I I I just was hitting my head against a brick wall thinking that I could educate someone who has who who was never raised in matriarchy. (53:22.009) Who was never raised in a collective holistic community where, you know, they they know somebody from birth right until death. Today's society we're constantly in flux. Moving one day we could be in Europe, the next day we could be in South Africa, the next day we could be in Antarctica, next day in California. Like, people move. Today people move. The understanding though is like if you belong to a holistic collective then and you're moving then then you're helping. But it but if you're unable to do that then then you're not you're not part of the you're not part of the solution. So I do know that there are people out there who are non-Indigenous, bless their hearts, and you know who you are and I hope you listen to me as much as you've you've done before and understand when I s when I had told you that there was you had a great responsibility and something great was going to be happening, that you're going to be instrumental in this. This is the approach that I'm I I'm talking about. It's not an easy task that you've taken, nor is it one for anybody who is advocating for world peace. But that's the whole construct of it. I I hope you know things do work out in the sense of how people see things. (55:02.371) Like when I talk about the one hundred and thirty million children that were killed in the first five hundred years, and then I talk about the bombing on Hiroshima and how the Japanese that I've met wear white in a in a color of mourning because when those drums were b were dropped, any person who was wearing white, especially dental technicians, like my my friend's grandmother like I mean my friend's mother. Died at ninety seven. she had to have white, white car, white house, because when the bomb dropped, her colleague who was in Hiroshima, when her when the bomb she she she she got burnt, but only like where on her uniform where she had a zipper because her uniform was totally white and it saved her. So again, we we have I don't know how many tens of thousands of atomic bombs in this world. All that needs to be exploded, I think, is five, to be the equivalent of an asteroid hitting the earth. So that's how frail we are in this universe, this spiraling universe that keeps on spiraling around, you know, like a like we're like a comet around the sun as the comet is moving through this space and and we're this particle. circling around it. It it it's it's amazing the things that that science has proven and I like I'm just totally amazed that as that that as human beings we have this body and we have this soul and we have this spirit and and that you know all all things have spirit. So just to to understand this and to (57:10.615) understand like it's an abstract thought of the great mystery. So anyway, I like I said, I think we have to really take a look at what we think in terms of timelines and all those thousands of children in Gaza and I say, look at all the thousands of children they murdered in the Americas and how many generations how many generations has it taken for someone like me to talk about healing? These children in Gaza, it's gonna take generations for them to come together because their ant pile has been destroyed. The the reality of it is I wanna I want to say that in the sense that the struggle indigenous people have had in the Americas, the onslaught of k having them kill so many of us, and for them to try and keep it quiet when the whole world has experienced w the genocide of Jews, the explosion of the atomic bomb on the Japanese people. the the genocide of of indigenous children in Gaza and and just the the whole notion that that because somebody had experienced trauma that their children are destined to take over the world, that's not creator's way of thinking. I don't know why some people want to believe in that type of religion and that bec and that because their children have been marked by genocide. (59:00.589) What in the past eighty years, one hundred years? That's a drop in the bucket compared to five hundred years. That's a drop in the bucket compared to thousands of years. Like I said, you gotta imagine this. We've been separated in different continents twenty, thirty, thousands of years. (59:30.509) And yet people Because it's systemic. (59:39.672) Don't realize the capacity we have. (59:46.477) Or the lack of understanding. (59:51.011) Because the ri because they think they're the original construct when they're not. (59:59.524) You know, I I think I think North and South America would be still thriving. Like I said, there are more pyramids in the Americas than there are in Egypt. There there's more horticulture and the science of the earth and and all this physic biology that that w contributions of Native Americans to the entire world. In in now e even understanding the the construct of DNA. You can't You can't erase that. You can't take that away and deny it and say it's yours because you've walked in halfway through the story. Like that's just ludicrous. But yet that's the way you think and that's the way patriarchy is. So I'm hoping somehow that I educate and that and that the people out there who actually find my stories interesting, d do their own research within their own families, their own tribes, their own origin, and and look at how communities thrive. to to you know make a list. Say you're gonna do these things and if you don't then you're hanging your own prayers. Also too, like fighting against systemic racism or racism. Even even within within different groups and different communities, different parts of people, even set brown skin against brown skin, black against black, white against white, when when when you do that then you're you're hanging prayers on other people. So so both publicly and privately, understanding the nature of how powerful our minds are when we think these things of other people. As as the late Jim Miller, Lakota warrior from the Vietnam War, he says he says and this is the c the understanding of hung prayer, just this simple. When you utter something bad about another person, that's how easy it is to kill. (01:02:17.731) That's how easy it is. For us to even wipe ourselves off the face of this planet and even this universe. (01:02:30.947) Have a pleasant day. I shall get back to you another time with some more interesting constructs on systemic racism and how communities make a safer community. Yeah, I sure mis miss talking to to to some of my acquaintances. But again, we're never alone.

Reflections on Healing, Accountability, and Community Responsibility Understanding Harm, Healing, and Responsibility

Reflections on Healing, Accountability, and Community Responsibility Understanding Harm, Healing, and Responsibility This section reflects on the idea of “hung prayers” as a way of describing harmful words, unresolved pain, and self-defeating patterns that can attach themselves to a person’s spirit or identity. The focus is on recognizing harm without repeating graphic details, and on moving toward accountability, protection, and healing. Harmful Words and Spiritual Weight One way to understand “hung prayers” is as the harm that can come from speaking negatively about others out of jealousy, manipulation, resentment, or envy. Words can carry weight. When they are used carelessly or cruelly, they can affect how people see themselves and how communities relate to one another. These harms can also be turned inward. When a person accepts a damaging story about themselves without questioning it, that story can become self-defeating. Healing begins when the person recognizes the pattern, names it clearly, and chooses a different response. Walking Away from Harm A central part of healing is learning when to walk away. That can mean stepping back from manipulation, refusing to accept a false narrative, or choosing not to participate in patterns that cause pain. Walking away is not weakness; it is an act of protection and self-respect. In this view, courage is not only about confrontation. It is also about knowing when a relationship, belief, or situation is pulling a person away from balance. The decision to step away can prevent further harm and create room for clarity. Community, Ceremony, and Collective Healing Healing is not always an individual process. In many teachings, healing involves community, ceremony, memory, and responsibility to one another. A collective approach can help people understand their own identities across the stages of life: childhood, adolescence, adulthood, parenthood, and elderhood. When community care is rooted in respect, it can help people recognize patterns of pain and restore balance. When community care is misused, however, it can become a tool for control. That is why accountability and clear boundaries are essential. Accountability and Protection When harm occurs, especially harm involving vulnerable people, communities have a responsibility to respond with seriousness and care. That means listening to survivors, protecting those at risk, and refusing to excuse harmful behavior because of status, reputation, ceremony, or leadership. • Speak about harm in a way that does not repeat graphic details. • Centre safety, dignity, and survivor support. • Hold leaders and institutions accountable. • Challenge manipulation, secrecy, and silence. • Protect children, families, and community members from further harm. Moving Toward Balance Balance requires action. It is not enough to name harm; people must also choose practices that protect the mind, heart, spirit, and community. This may include prayer, honest conversation, boundaries, counselling, ceremony, advocacy, and sustained accountability. Clarifying the Next Section: Hung Prayers, Limerence, and Choosing Balance This section continues the reflection on “hung prayers” by connecting the idea to emotional attachment, manipulation, self-defeating narratives, and the courage required to walk away from harm. The original transcript has been condensed and reorganized to remove explicit references while preserving the core meaning. Words, Fear, and Spiritual Burden The speaker recalls a teaching about how harmful words can attach themselves to a person’s spirit. In the story, a community was afraid of an elderly man after his death, and one person stepped forward to bless the home, care for the burial preparations, and complete the necessary ceremonial responsibilities. Afterward, a funeral worker described finding small objects during preparations over the years and not knowing what to do with them. The teacher interpreted these objects symbolically as “hung prayers”—a physical image for spiritual burdens, unresolved harm, and negative intentions that people may carry or project onto others. Limerence, Manipulation, and Self-Defeating Narratives The speaker connects this teaching to limerence: an intense, often one-sided fixation that can become rooted in illusion, unmet needs, or trauma. Infatuation itself is not described as harmful, but it can become damaging when manipulation, false hope, or self-deception turns it into a pattern that keeps a person stuck. In this framing, manipulation from another person is one form of harm. Believing and sustaining a false narrative without confronting it is another. The speaker describes this as a way people can “hang prayers” on themselves by accepting stories that diminish their worth or keep them trapped in longing. Walking Away as an Act of Healing A key lesson in this section is that walking away can be an act of healing. The speaker reflects on moments when attraction, emotional intensity, or longing could have become unhealthy attachment, but an inner warning sign encouraged distance instead. The choice to step away is presented as self-protection rather than avoidance. Walking away also prevents the continuation of self-defeating patterns. It allows a person to refuse harm, reject manipulation, and protect their own mind, heart, spirit, and identity. Community, Identity, and Collective Healing The speaker contrasts individual healing with collective healing. Support groups, ceremonies, and community processes can help people understand themselves, but they work best when rooted in genuine relationship, accountability, and shared responsibility rather than control or performance. A collective approach can help people understand how identity changes across life stages: childhood, adolescence, adulthood, parenthood, grandparenthood, and elderhood. When people know one another across time, healing is grounded in relationship rather than abstraction. Action, Balance, and Responsibility The section closes by emphasizing action. Balance is not only a belief or intention; it requires choices, boundaries, direct conversations, and the courage to respond when something feels wrong. In this sense, karma is described as action: what a person does to protect themselves and others. • Recognize when attachment is becoming harmful. • Question narratives that keep a person stuck in longing or shame. • Confront manipulation without repeating harm. • Walk away when a situation threatens balance or dignity. • Use prayer, ceremony, conversation, counselling, and community support in ways that protect rather than control. Overall, this section reframes the raw transcript into a safer reflection on emotional clarity, spiritual responsibility, and the importance of choosing balance over harmful attachment. Clarifying the Next Section: Speaking Up, Accountability, and Collective Responsibility This section continues the movement from personal reflection into public accountability. The raw transcript has been reframed to remove explicit material and focus on the speaker’s broader concerns: the harm caused by silence, the need to speak at the right moment, the role of community leadership, and the importance of protecting vulnerable people. Speaking Before Harm Becomes Silence The speaker reflects on moments when something harmful is about to be said or done and there is only a brief opportunity to respond. In this framing, silence can become its own burden. Speaking clearly, even briefly, can prevent harm from settling into resentment, fear, or what the speaker calls a “hung prayer.” The decision to speak is connected to the decision to walk away. The speaker describes the importance of naming what is happening, refusing manipulation, and then choosing distance when a situation cannot be repaired in a healthy way. Identity, Memory, and Self-Protection The speaker links self-protection to identity. Childhood memories, family relationships, racism, and early experiences of belonging all shape how a person understands love, attraction, rejection, and self-worth. When those experiences are painful or confusing, a person may create stories that protect them for a time but later become limiting. Rather than blaming the self, this section encourages reflection: What stories have I accepted? Which ones came from harm? Which ones keep me safe, and which ones keep me stuck? These questions help turn painful memory into clarity. Community Leadership and Public Accountability The transcript then turns to leadership, public responsibility, and the harm that can occur when authority is misused. The speaker raises concerns about how institutions, community leaders, and informal networks can either protect people or enable harm through silence, denial, or misplaced loyalty. Because the original transcript includes allegations and graphic references, this cleaned version avoids repeating details. The core point is preserved: communities must take reports of harm seriously, protect those at risk, and resist the temptation to defend powerful people simply because of their status, reputation, or ceremonial role. Recognizing Patterns of Manipulation The speaker describes manipulation as a pattern that can appear in personal relationships, community politics, spiritual settings, and public institutions. It can involve false promises, secrecy, financial pressure, emotional dependency, or the misuse of cultural authority. • Listen when people raise safety concerns. • Separate spiritual or cultural respect from unquestioned authority. • Document concerns carefully and responsibly. • Support survivors without demanding graphic proof. • Challenge systems that protect reputation over people. Balance, Action, and the Work of Repair The section closes by returning to the idea that balance requires action. Prayer, ceremony, conversation, counselling, documentation, and advocacy can all support healing, but they must be paired with boundaries and accountability. Without action, harmful patterns continue. The cleaned version preserves the speaker’s central message: healing is not passive. It requires speaking when necessary, walking away when needed, protecting the vulnerable, and building communities where truth and care are stronger than secrecy. Clarifying the Next Section: Identity, Balance, Ceremony, and Collective Energy This section moves from personal accountability into a broader reflection on identity, emotional patterns, ceremony, and collective balance. The raw transcript has been condensed to remove explicit language, graphic references, and repetitive timestamped material while preserving the central ideas. Identity, Memory, and Self-Defeating Stories The speaker reflects on how early family memories, childhood belonging, racism, and personal history shaped their understanding of identity. Experiences of rejection or misunderstanding can create stories that feel protective at first but later become limiting or self-defeating. In this section, infatuation and limerence are framed as emotional experiences that require honesty and dialogue. Infatuation can be part of normal human connection, but when it is fuelled by illusion, manipulation, or avoidance, it can become a pattern that keeps a person from balance. Dialogue as a Path Back to Clarity The speaker emphasizes the importance of direct conversation. When attraction, confusion, or uncertainty begins to grow into a larger story, dialogue can bring reality back into focus. Speaking plainly can prevent a false narrative from becoming a source of shame, longing, or spiritual burden. This is connected to the earlier idea of “hung prayers”: harmful stories can be placed on a person by others, but they can also be sustained inwardly when a person does not question them. Naming the pattern is presented as a way to reclaim agency. Balance Beyond Simple Opposites The speaker challenges simple divisions such as positive and negative, good and bad, or fixed and broken. Instead, balance is described as fluid movement: something people practice every day through decisions, relationships, boundaries, reflection, and action. • Balance is not static; it shifts as people change. • Identity develops across childhood, adulthood, elderhood, and lived experience. • Healing requires movement, not only belief or intention. • Self-protection includes questioning inherited stories and harmful attachments. • Community care works best when it strengthens agency rather than creating dependency. Ceremony, Collective Responsibility, and Energy The transcript then moves into a description of ceremony as a collective experience. Rather than focusing on one person as the source of power, the speaker emphasizes the role of everyone present. Healing, in this view, comes from shared participation, prayer, song, relationship, and the collective responsibility of the group. The speaker warns against confusing ceremonial authority with personal power. When people assign all meaning to a single leader or practitioner, they may overlook the responsibility and agency of the wider community. A healthier interpretation recognizes that everyone present contributes to the spiritual and emotional balance of the space. Protective Healing and Releasing Harmful Attachment The speaker closes this portion by describing prayer as a way to release harmful attachment and protect the mind, heart, spirit, and identity. Protective healing is framed not as control over another person, but as a practice of letting go, restoring balance, and refusing to turn attraction or longing into self-defeating illusion. Clarifying the Next Section: Speaking in the Moment and Protecting Identity This section returns to the importance of speaking when harm is beginning to form. The raw transcript has been condensed to remove explicit wording, repetition, and timestamped material while preserving the central themes of intuition, self-protection, identity, and accountability. Recognizing the Moment to Speak The speaker describes sensing that harmful words were about to be spoken and realizing there was only a short window to respond. Speaking in that moment was framed as a way to prevent the harm from becoming another “hung prayer.” The lesson is that silence can sometimes allow harm to settle. Naming what is happening, even briefly, can create clarity before choosing to walk away. Family Memory and Identity The speaker connects these moments of self-protection to family memory. They recall being loved by grandparents and shaped by family stories, nicknames, and early experiences. Those memories offered grounding even when later experiences brought confusion, racism, or emotional pressure. The section also reflects on how people may keep a narrative alive because it feels protective. A false story can create temporary distance from pressure or expectation, but it can also become limiting when it keeps someone from seeing themselves clearly. Understanding Limerence Without Shame The speaker distinguishes infatuation from limerence. Infatuation can be a normal part of attraction and human connection. Limerence becomes harmful when it is sustained by illusion, avoidance, manipulation, or unresolved pain. Rather than treating limerence as a reason for shame, the section frames it as a signal to pause, seek dialogue, question the story being told, and return to balance. Racism, Belonging, and Inner Narratives The speaker reflects on growing up with racism and how those experiences shaped their sense of belonging. Harmful words from others can create wounds that later influence how a person understands love, attraction, rejection, and worth. Against that background, the speaker emphasizes resilience: practical skills, lived experience, cultural grounding, and the ability to survive without pretending to be someone else. Protective Practices and Balance • Speak clearly when silence would allow harm to continue. • Walk away when a situation threatens dignity or balance. • Question stories that were created by pressure, racism, manipulation, or fear. • Use prayer, reflection, counselling, ceremony, and conversation as protective practices. • Understand attraction, infatuation, and limerence without turning them into shame. The cleaned section preserves the speaker’s core message: healing requires honesty, courage, and the willingness to interrupt harmful stories before they take root. Clarifying the Next Section: Self-Protection, Identity, and Community Accountability This section revisits the speaker’s earlier reflections on “hung prayers,” limerence, and the need to speak before harm becomes silence. The raw transcript has been summarized in safer language, with explicit details removed and the emphasis placed on identity, accountability, protective practices, and the need for honest community response. Speaking Before Harm Settles The speaker describes recognizing a moment when harmful words were about to be spoken and choosing to respond immediately. They frame this as an act of protection: speaking clearly before silence turns the harm into another burden carried by the self or the community. That act of speaking is paired with the decision to walk away. Naming the harm does not require staying in an unhealthy situation; it can be the final step before creating distance and protecting one’s spirit, identity, and peace. Family Memory, Belonging, and Identity The speaker connects present-day self-protection to childhood memories, family affection, and early experiences of belonging. Stories from grandparents, nicknames, and family teachings become part of the speaker’s grounding, especially when later experiences of racism, rejection, or misunderstanding threaten their sense of worth. The section also acknowledges that people sometimes create protective narratives to survive pressure or loneliness. Those narratives may help for a time, but they can become limiting when they keep a person from seeing themselves clearly or from seeking honest dialogue. Infatuation, Limerence, and Dialogue The speaker distinguishes between ordinary infatuation and limerence. Infatuation can be part of human connection, but limerence becomes harmful when it is sustained by illusion, avoidance, manipulation, or unresolved pain. Dialogue is presented as a way to interrupt that pattern and return to reality. Rather than treating limerence as shameful, the cleaned section frames it as a signal to pause, ask honest questions, and protect the self from stories that turn longing into self-defeating behaviour. Balance, Ceremony, and Collective Responsibility The speaker describes balance as something fluid rather than fixed. It is not simply positive or negative, good or bad. Balance is practiced through daily choices, relationships, boundaries, ceremony, and the willingness to keep moving toward clarity. Ceremony is described as a collective experience. The speaker emphasizes that healing energy does not belong to one leader or practitioner alone; it comes from the shared participation, prayer, song, presence, and responsibility of everyone involved. Accountability When Authority Is Misused The transcript turns toward concerns about public accountability, leadership, and allegations of harm. This cleaned version avoids repeating graphic details or naming unsupported claims as fact. It preserves the core concern: communities must take reports seriously, protect vulnerable people, and avoid allowing status, ceremony, or reputation to shield harmful behaviour. • Separate respect for ceremony from unquestioned authority. • Listen when people raise concerns about safety or exploitation. • Document concerns responsibly and avoid repeating graphic details. • Protect children, survivors, and vulnerable community members. • Hold leaders, institutions, and informal networks accountable when they enable harm. Protective Healing and Moving Forward The section closes by returning to protective healing. Prayer, ceremony, counselling, conversation, advocacy, and boundaries are all described as ways to protect the mind, heart, spirit, and identity. Healing is not passive; it requires action, honesty, and the willingness to release harmful attachments. Overall, this cleaned summary preserves the main themes of the raw transcript while removing explicit content and organizing the ideas around self-protection, identity, collective healing, and accountability. Clarifying the Next Section: Collective Healing, Authority, and Accountability This section continues the speaker’s reflection on ceremony, collective energy, spiritual responsibility, and the dangers of confusing authority with healing. The raw transcript includes explicit and graphic material, so this summary removes those details and focuses on the broader concerns: how communities protect vulnerable people, how leadership can be misused, and why collective accountability matters. Ceremony as Collective Responsibility The speaker describes ceremony as a shared experience rather than something controlled by one person. In this view, healing energy arises from the whole circle: the participants, the songs, the prayers, the memories, and the relationships present in the room. The section cautions against placing all spiritual power onto a single leader or practitioner. When a community gives one person unquestioned authority, it can become easier for manipulation, secrecy, or harm to be hidden behind ceremony. Balance, Energy, and Self-Protection The speaker returns to the idea that balance is fluid. It is not a fixed state or a simple division between good and bad. Balance is practiced through awareness, boundaries, prayer, honest dialogue, and the willingness to question harmful attachments. Protective healing is framed as a way to care for the mind, heart, spirit, and identity without trying to control another person. The speaker emphasizes releasing fixation, avoiding self-defeating stories, and using prayer or ceremony to support clarity rather than dependency. Misused Authority and Community Harm The transcript then shifts toward concerns about public accountability and alleged abuse of authority. This cleaned version avoids graphic details and treats allegations carefully. The central point is that communities must not allow status, ceremony, money, politics, or reputation to shield people from accountability. The speaker connects leadership failures to broader systems of colonial harm, institutional silence, and intergenerational trauma. The concern is not only individual misconduct, but the ways networks, institutions, and community structures can enable harm when people are afraid to speak or when complaints are ignored. Survivor-Centred Accountability • Take reports of harm seriously without demanding graphic retelling. • Protect children, survivors, and vulnerable community members first. • Separate respect for cultural teachings from unquestioned loyalty to individuals. • Document concerns responsibly and avoid spreading unsupported claims as fact. • Hold leaders, institutions, and informal networks accountable when they enable harm. Moving from Awareness to Action The speaker closes this section by emphasizing that awareness alone is not enough. Healing requires movement: speaking up, protecting those at risk, creating safer systems, and refusing to romanticize authority when harm is present. Overall, this cleaned summary preserves the main themes of the raw transcript while removing explicit content and reorganizing the ideas around ceremony, collective responsibility, accountability, and survivor-centred protection. Clarifying the Next Section: Balance, Collective Energy, and Protective Healing This section moves from accountability into a broader reflection on balance, ceremony, and the way people experience collective energy. The raw transcript has been condensed to remove explicit wording and repeated timestamped material while preserving the speaker’s core ideas about identity, healing, and shared responsibility. Protecting Identity and Interrupting Harm The speaker returns to the idea that harmful words and self-defeating stories can attach themselves to a person’s identity if they are not questioned. Protection begins with awareness: noticing when a narrative is rooted in fear, shame, manipulation, or unresolved pain, and choosing to respond before it becomes another burden. The section also emphasizes that healing requires movement. Speaking honestly, walking away when necessary, and refusing to sustain false stories are all described as ways to protect the mind, heart, spirit, and identity. Balance as Movement, Not Duality The speaker challenges simple labels such as positive and negative or good and bad. Instead, balance is presented as movement: a shifting process shaped by relationships, memory, experience, choices, and the energy people bring into daily life. • Balance is practiced through action, not only belief. • Identity changes across the stages of life. • Healing requires honest reflection and clear boundaries. • Self-protection includes releasing harmful attachment. • Community care works best when it strengthens agency rather than dependency. Ceremony and Collective Energy The transcript then describes ceremony as a collective experience. The speaker asks listeners to imagine a dark ceremonial space where people gather, sing, pray, and participate together. The meaning of the ceremony is not located in one person alone; it comes from the shared presence, intention, and energy of everyone involved. The speaker cautions against placing all spiritual power onto a single leader or practitioner. When people misunderstand ceremony as something controlled by one person, they may overlook their own responsibility and the collective nature of healing. Protective Prayer and Releasing Harmful Attachment Protective healing is described as prayer or intention offered without control, possession, or fixation. When the speaker feels attraction or emotional intensity, they describe praying for clarity and protection rather than allowing the feeling to become limerence or self-defeating illusion. This approach reframes attraction as something that can be acknowledged without becoming harmful. The goal is to protect both people’s dignity, release unhealthy attachment, and return to balance. From Healing to Accountability The section begins to transition toward public accountability. The speaker connects collective healing to concerns about exploitation, leadership, and the misuse of ceremony. Because the original transcript includes graphic allegations, this clean summary avoids repeating those details and instead preserves the central concern: communities must protect vulnerable people and prevent spiritual or political authority from being used to enable harm. Overall, this section presents healing as both personal and collective. It calls for reflection, boundaries, responsible ceremony, and accountability when authority is misused. Clarifying the Next Section: Public Accountability, Governance, and Survivor-Centred Protection This section shifts from the earlier reflections on healing and ceremony into concerns about leadership, governance, public trust, and allegations of harm. The raw transcript includes explicit references and unverified claims, so this summary removes graphic detail and frames the material carefully as the speaker’s concerns, observations, and opinions. From Ceremony to Public Accountability The speaker connects collective healing to community accountability. They argue that ceremony, cultural respect, and spiritual language should never be used to shield leaders, practitioners, or institutions from scrutiny when people raise concerns about exploitation or harm. The section emphasizes that public authority carries responsibility. When concerns involve vulnerable people, financial decisions, housing support, or community resources, the speaker calls for transparency, documentation, and a willingness to listen rather than dismiss difficult questions. Allegations, Opinion, and Careful Framing The speaker repeatedly describes parts of this section as opinion, theory, or hypothesis. In the cleaned version, allegations are not repeated as established fact. Instead, the focus is on the need for proper investigation, responsible records, survivor support, and caution when discussing sensitive matters publicly. This framing keeps the central concern intact: if people believe harm has been enabled by leadership, institutions, or informal networks, those concerns should be handled through accountable processes that protect survivors and avoid spreading graphic or unsupported details. Community Governance and Financial Responsibility The speaker raises concerns about money, leadership decisions, housing support, audits, and the way resources may have been used. The cleaned summary avoids repeating accusations in detail and instead presents the broader governance issue: community resources should be managed transparently, fairly, and in ways that serve members rather than protect political influence. • Separate personal loyalty from public responsibility. • Require clear records for financial and housing decisions. • Protect community members who raise concerns in good faith. • Ensure allegations are investigated through appropriate legal and community processes. • Prioritize survivor safety, child protection, and community trust over reputation management. Support for Survivors and Witnesses The speaker describes attending legal proceedings, supporting people who made impact statements, and feeling the emotional weight of survivor testimony. The cleaned version preserves this theme without repeating traumatic details: survivors and witnesses need practical support, emotional care, and protection from isolation or retaliation. The section also reflects on why disclosure can take years. Fear, loyalty, manipulation, shame, community pressure, and institutional silence can all delay reporting. The speaker’s broader point is that communities must build systems where people can speak earlier and be believed without having to relive graphic harm. Moving from Rumour to Responsible Action Rather than relying on rumours or public speculation, this section calls for responsible action: careful documentation, clear reporting paths, legal accountability where appropriate, and community processes that do not silence vulnerable people. Overall, the cleaned summary preserves the speaker’s concerns about leadership, finances, community responsibility, and survivor protection while removing explicit content, reducing repetition, and treating allegations with appropriate caution. Clarifying the Next Raw Transcript Section: Identity, Balance, and Collective Accountability This section returns to the speaker’s reflections on how identity, self-protection, and community responsibility are shaped by early experiences, relationships, racism, and spiritual teachings. The raw transcript includes explicit language and graphic references, so this cleaned summary removes those details and focuses on the broader themes of speaking up, walking away, and choosing balance. Speaking Before Harm Takes Root The speaker describes recognizing a moment when harmful words or intentions were about to surface and feeling the need to respond immediately. Speaking in that moment is framed as a protective act: a way to prevent silence, resentment, or fear from becoming another “hung prayer.” The section also emphasizes that speaking up does not require staying in an unhealthy situation. Naming what is happening can be followed by walking away, setting boundaries, and protecting one’s spirit, identity, and peace. Family Memory, Racism, and Belonging The speaker connects present-day self-understanding to memories of family affection, childhood nicknames, and early experiences of being loved. These memories offered grounding, especially in the face of racism, rejection, and confusion about belonging. The section reflects on how harmful words and social pressure can shape a person’s sense of self. False stories may protect a person for a time, but they can become limiting when they keep someone from seeing their own worth clearly. Infatuation, Limerence, and Honest Dialogue The speaker distinguishes between ordinary infatuation and limerence. Infatuation can be part of healthy human connection, but limerence can become harmful when it is sustained by illusion, avoidance, manipulation, or unresolved trauma. Dialogue is presented as a way to interrupt unhealthy attachment. Direct conversation can help clarify what is real, prevent self-defeating stories from growing, and support a return to balance. Balance, Energy, and Collective Healing The section challenges simple dualities such as positive and negative or good and bad. Balance is described as fluid movement: something people practice through daily choices, relationships, reflection, ceremony, and action. • Balance is practiced through action, not only intention. • Identity changes across life stages and lived experience. • Healing requires boundaries, dialogue, and self-reflection. • Self-protection includes releasing harmful attachment. • Collective care works best when it strengthens responsibility and agency. Ceremony as Shared Responsibility The speaker describes ceremony as a collective experience, shaped by everyone present rather than controlled by one person. Prayer, song, presence, memory, and participation all contribute to the energy of the space. This framing cautions against placing too much power in a single leader or practitioner. A healthier understanding of ceremony recognizes the responsibility, agency, and contribution of the whole community. Protective Healing and Accountability The speaker closes this portion by connecting protective prayer to accountability. Healing is not only personal; it also requires communities to recognize harm, protect vulnerable people, and challenge systems that misuse authority or silence those who raise concerns. Overall, this cleaned summary preserves the section’s main ideas while removing explicit content and organizing the material around self-protection, identity, ceremony, balance, and community responsibility.

keeping Indigenous communities safe

Marina Crane (00:02) good morning. actually I'm alive. No, I mean live, live. ⁓ again, good morning. It's July third. ⁓ the beginning of the Calgary Stampede. The beginning of ⁓ a new broadcast in the sense of updates on ⁓ some juicy stuff. Now when I say juicy I'm talking about ⁓ Just the things that might be happening in a few days, a week or a month. So to my listeners and to people who've been following the whole sagma saga of Nathan Chasinghorse, and ⁓ just the tip of the iceberg, because when he got sentenced to life, they didn't charge him with embezzlement embezzlement, racketeering, or money laundering. They didn't charge him with all the child pornography. the hundreds of videotapes that the FBI and local authorities had found. that's just at the tip of the iceberg. They did not ⁓ make any connection with the different leaderships in in Indian country that's in the United States and Canada. They they didn't they didn't ⁓ like there was a web. Okay, now in in in Indigenous culture we call creator ⁓ s in the sense of trickster. You know, tricking people and teaching them a lesson because you know, there's a lesson to be learned. So so for me, I'm again this is all hypothetical. This is my own opinion. I don't expect people to come down and say, I'm gonna sue you for slander. This is all hypothetical and it's my opinion. And and to my listener, Darcy, I appreciate you. I I'm just grateful. Like I I I jokingly laugh because in my blog that I started 20 years ago. I didn't know people were reading it because they didn't email me. So so I would just put the information out there. So I still do that with my blog. The thing about the podcast is different because it's audio and it's right in the moment and it's here and now. So let me put it this way conspiracy about ⁓ people taking money and how bad financially my community was and and like who did what and where did the money go and was leadership involved and and to even get the audit done like there was so much so much and again too I am not in management I you know I I'm one of the rare birds that has never worked in my community. ⁓ I did work at one time as an education director. ⁓ But I just didn't like the smell or the stink of it. Especially when you know you put in twelve hours ⁓ work seven days a week, get paid a thousand dollars less than your your employees who are making a thousand dollars more than you. ⁓ corruption, ⁓ misogyny, ⁓ threats, belittling my education. like talk about all that. I just you know, when that when I was told I was going like either I'm gonna be perceived as being fired or I could transfer into a management job. And I chose to be transfer not to be transferred, I chose to settle out of court, give me ten thousand, it's okay. Because I was so tired. And again, this is my community. I've done a lot of volunteer work in my community. D ⁓ the you know, bringing in money for the first daycare center, bringing in money for the first detox treatment center. This is in my early twenties. Not not to even mention that I lived in another country paying for my own degree, working full time and going to school full time. I can keep on saying all my accomplishments, but the main accomplishment that I feel personally in my opinion is is that I've never been involved in the management or the politics or the ⁓ holding somebody holding ⁓ my j my job over my head if I don't comply. And and throughout this whole ordeal with Nathan Chasing Horse, the the the stories of why it took so long for people to actually charge this man is because leadership would threaten certain people with their jobs if if rent wasn't paid for off reserve rental for the followers of Nathan Chasinghorse. Even to the extent that my niece, who I think is fifty three now, she started following Nathan twenty years ago. She got into an accident maybe four years ago. Seventy two thousand American dollars that who the chief and counsel paid for it? Leadership. The previous leadership did that. Now why am I bitching and complaining about this? I can complain about anything the hell I want to. I'm an elder. You know, who gives a shit? I certainly do give ⁓ you know, I I've grown up here my whole life. I've you know, lived in poverty. ⁓ I've volunteered, I've always volunteered at even at Christmas concerts when I was young in ⁓ in my early twenties singing. I was in a glee club too. I mean my voice might sound not sound like I'm a an opera singer or anything like that, but my whole life I've I've ⁓ loved my community. ⁓ in terms of running for chief and counsel, that's like running for to be an Indian agent. ⁓ you know, people want to be in those positions. And and so again, you know, during the elections, all the politics, well, we want to uncover, ⁓ I've got these papers of all this money that the former chief and counsel have spent. the the accountant we the c I've got twenty or twenty-five documents. you know, pages of documents. So yes, those do exist. They have existed. There has been professional people, our own people, our own people who've been raised and born here have have done all this work. So I'm I'm not dismissing the fact of the qualifications of our young people. In fact I'm embracing it because there's an old regime that's that's being faded out. And that's the that's the regime that I grew up in. and and the reality of it is that because I've never actually participated in in the management of that regime, I I basically have taken on the misogyny or the lateral violence of the the structure that that was enabled by the leadership to treat people differently, especially people like me. Now I'm not bitching and complaining or saying, you know, sour grapes or anything like that. I'm just putting it out there that there's going to be big news coming out. I don't know when, tomorrow, a week, two weeks, a month, two months, but I know it's gonna be soon. And and I got this off of ⁓ a very credible young person. Now why why would I say this? Well it's about time. It's about time that the leadership have become exposed and the the exposure is gonna be given to the elders in Sutina. So it'll be up to us to decide how we're going to deal with this corruption. Because it's going to be pl quite blatant. It's it's been structured. The paperwork is in place. There's no two ways about it. You've got to look at it this way there's the criminal side, okay? And that well, it's all criminal. What the hell am I trying to talk about? There's a side which is so deeply ingrained. You give people permission to do something and they go and they do s horrible things to people. That side. But again, in terms of monetary and and ⁓ money so like I said earlier, ⁓ when I when I talk about the corruption of Nathan Chasing horse, money laundering, racketeering, embezzlement, when when there are people ⁓ who were who were trained and groomed by an Indian agent, Indian agents, when I was a child And they in turn were training the chief in counsel how to behave as chief in counsel. So there's this there's this ingrained, we'll call it nepotism, of Indian agent mentality that has been governing our communities. So what what does it have to do with our young people today? Well, we're in in involved in a one point five billion dollar ⁓ economic development. And the previous leaders Leadership is just like, we've done this and that. And believe me, like even their their wives, like understand this. These people in leadership have been charged criminally. ⁓ one one has been charged in Edmonton for two historical criminal a attempts on men. Okay, sexual assault on men, two men. This is like it's it's it's it's diabolical. The other one is from here again he In Calgary. He was charged in Calgary. Okay, th this is our leadership, our previous leadership. It made national news. No no two ways about it. I can't be sued for for this. This is truth. This is truth social. As no, I don't even want to use it a pol there's no fucking truth social. That's Trump. I'm just saying what I'm saying is truth. You can just Google it, you'll find out who I'm talking about. that that it did these offenses did put take place. Now w what's so hypothetical about it? Well when I went to Las Vegas and I I ⁓ introduced myself to people who I'd never physically seen in public, like physically seen them in person, I've contacted them through email or phone or some other way, either through TikTok, whatever way social media I had been in contact with So and a lot of times like ⁓ previously said, when I did my blog a lot of people who read it never really emailed me back, but they took it to heart and they started to believe me. And s and and one of the ladies fourteen years ago, she she didn't believe what I had said. She didn't believe me at all and then her daughter just about died. And then so when I went down to the Sensing, I did meet her and her daughter. I spent quite a few hours with them and it's just heartbreaking. It's heartbreaking. And ⁓ I felt so so much I I I just needed I I just knew I needed to support them, so I went down and I prayed for them. I prayed with them when they did their ⁓ impact statements. that they would you know, ⁓ feel empowered that that they weren't alone. Now, ⁓ why do I bring this up is because a lot of people follow people ⁓ and think that, you know, the person they're following i is is not diabolical. the tip of the iceberg with Nathan Chasing Horse is is just the tip of the iceberg. Only people will hear what and see what they want to see, what the newspapers have seen and shown. And and in my podcast I try to expose more of the the nitty gritty, really asinine disgusting part of who this Nathan Chasing horse became or was. He was born a soci a psychopath. the it's a hard pill to swallow in understanding the psychology and the physiology of it. I'm doing this in layman's terms. Because a lot of people who still follow him and still support him are sociopaths. No two ways about it. ⁓ because they can't self reflect or they have gone so deep down the rabbit hole they can't find their way out. here's a theory. One of his followers was told not to have sex with his wife, not to masturbate for a whole year. And that he had to have this commitment to Nathan and Nathan spoke to him. Now the reality of it is like, hello. I know men. ⁓ I didn't like I really in a way I don't know men because I've never been married. Okay, so I the whole physiology of men with erections at night and in the morning, all that. Like I understand that part. And that means the man is healthy physically. Doesn't say mentally though. But the fact that Nathan could talk to this following his followers, this follower spent time in my home ⁓ when Nathan was here because they seemed so poor and pitiful. They didn't have a place to stay, so I opened up my house to them. Now this You know, come to find out like here he is, still following Nathan Chasing Horse, even after he's been arrested. And the fact that he opened up a mortgage, bought a house for Nathan's parents and still paying. Like, sociopath. To the to the point like, my goodness, him ex him explaining that he can't have sex or masturbate with the woman he loves, when the reality of it isn't What is the psychopathy in this? What is the motivation? What's what is really happening? The question is, and this is the theory I want you to think about, is or was or had there been a sexual love affair between his follower, this male follower, to the point where Nathan was jealous of him b having a a woman in his life. I mean, mind you, Nathan had all his wives. But the underground ⁓ re you know, romance of him with ⁓ another man to the point where this this man is paying for Nathan's parents' home. Like i is proof in the pudding of the conspiracy or in my opinion, like, what the hell? There's even there was even talk about him being like ⁓ like when we're trap when he's trafficking these these young these children, he's also interested in two spirited boys, indigenous boys. Now again ⁓ I wanna have you look at the spider web of conspiracies here. Our former leader is charged with two sexual assaults on men. His therapist, ⁓ forensic psychologist, has disclosed to tribal police as I sat listening to them, telling the tribal police that this leader who had who he had been his client had a propensity for boys. Now this leader ⁓ for the past twenty years until he was arrested and and until he was voted out in a sense because he ran f again, but he didn't get that many votes. And he's still waiting for his court appearance and being tried and all this. He he basically supported ⁓ again, leadership. What the hell was leadership doing paying for the rent of children? that na were under the like that Nathan was renting and looking after them. W what leader would pay rent for these children? Like like what was the purpose? At at ⁓ so that Nathan could be at the beck and call of this leader if he needed ceremonies and prayers? ⁓ or is there a sinister underlying issue of human trafficking of of boys? Now we can also speculate in terms of corruption and money laundering, racketeering and embezzlement, because that's the nature of Nathan Chasing horse. That wasn't even touched on in his trial. Now that's just my personal opinion. There's all the speculation. But I want you to understand this. He was charged on sexual offences. Took twenty years. Okay, but again, he had different different leaderships and different communities, indigenous communities. That's why I'm saying every day as an indigenous person we see injustice every day. We don't pretend. We're living it. We live and breathe it. So anybody who who pretends like, I know this and I know that, I'm going, Do you live it? Do you actually live in it? Because I I swear it's not just my community, there's a hell of a lot of communities out there who did the same thing that our leadership here in Sutana did in supporting Nathan Chasey Morse. Now, again, my opinion, I don't expect anybody out there in my podcast to believe me. But I say this because again, I'm documenting things and hypothetically this is there's something that's gonna be coming up in my community. That has a lot to do with with people how people made their money. Now, ⁓ now we're not talking about the criminal sexual offenses. Now and let me get back to Nathan Chasinghorse's criminal sexual offenses. When he was charged, ⁓ the FBI was going to charge him as well as the state of Nevada. But things and how things worked out and how things were dropped and added and anyway, it's all legal jargon, ⁓ in my opinion. However The reality of it is they they got on the video. They're the thirteen year old child who The scene was so horrific you had to seal it. I she I I was there in the courtroom when she did her impact statement. The the the impact statements alone were horrific. I mean it was just ⁓ just emotional. But well why am I why am I bringing this up is because because ⁓ th this is just th the these are just three victims. They're they're not including my niece. or or or the the my neighbor's daughter. They're not including the two young girls who he took who ⁓ were supported by the leadership within my community. See understand this. He took two young women at the same time there was another young girl in our community who was fighting to get her day in court. And and and yet our leadership didn't didn't support this young woman. They supported these other two girls in rent, paying their rent. Travel expenses? Like even when Nathan was arrested, the chief and council paid for those nation members to bring their children home. These weren't Nathan Chasing Horse's children, these were these women's children who were so caught up in limerence. There was even one woman who had I think maybe two women who had married into Sutina that the chief and counsel were paying rent for them in Las Vegas. I'm a nation member. I've never been married out. I've never I've lived here my whole life. I mean, I've lived in my community most of my life, except sixteen years of it. Never had money given to me even when I lived off. And yet the diabolical perversion of my leadership, giving money to to a Lakota man, I'm Dakota. What's the difference? I the difference is I grew up here. I'm a nation member, I'm a voting member. Nathan Chasinghorse does not have any voting rights in Soutinna. But yet how they treated him, how they pampered him, how they, you know, made sure he was protected. Even up to twenty fifteen, he was still coming into Soutina. They were still paying him money. Unaware of ⁓ me. I didn't know. Perfectly honest. Like I when I put boundaries down and I confronted Nathan, that was it. The only time I got to see him for the first time in twenty years was on march eleventh. Was it yeah, March eleventh. And again on April twenty seventh. Like the reality of it is I didn't understand the extent of how much he hated me, the extent of the obsession he had with me. When I went to the courthouse the first time, I was glad I had a companion with me. And I told this companion, I said, I don't know how this mum and daughter are gonna treat me because I get such negative comments from this young woman's wrin. on TikTok because I expose her mother Melissa as being unstable. When she came when Melissa came into my home and how she talked about her child, her eight year old, Wren, and how Nathan had convinced her that Wren was a holy child and wanted to groom her. And how Melissa thought, okay, she's a chosen person. This was all hypothetical stuff that I mean imagine I'm listening to this. How as an a a Dakota woman trying to convince this woman who's registered, has a card from on a reservation, but has never lived on a reservation. How do I talk to her about the bullshit that Nathan Chasing Moore is is feeding her? Twenty years ago. She she she wouldn't listen. She wouldn't listen to anything that I had to say. So, you know, that it was fruitile, futile. No, she was already totally mesmerized in in limerence with Nathan Chasinghorse. And, you know, whatever the case was, f I thought if I they saw me for the first time, I I don't know what they'd be capable of. I I don't know if they were gonna come and just yell in my face or or what, or if they just thought I was ⁓ a voyeur, like ⁓ wanting publicity, looking like a ⁓ like a s ⁓ you know, somebody, a clown. Who who knows? But I I was perfectly aware that they they they there there was some tension if they saw me because I'm quite open about what my experience is and was and still is with Nathan Chasing or so even his followers. Rightfully so because there are still people following him. Like I said, he was a psychopath. He created a whole whole bunch of sociopaths. Ha and and for whatever reason they they still follow him. Now why why am I so ⁓ like concerned about the whole nature of of the dynamics of the behavior, the the the perversion is because because it's all connected in in this spider web of connection in Indian residential school, the the s the the whole ⁓ prom what'd you call p propensity for children. ⁓ and I even give a little dialogue about Nathan twenty years ago hitting a rat hitting my n eight year old niece over the head with a rattle. ⁓ I mean even even he did that with with Sierra too. He did this with a lot of girls who were like eight there were children. Obviously by that twenty years ago he was already getting some sort of thrill, some sort of, you know, heart on Excuse me if I trigger you over children sexually aroused in those ceremonies. I mean you had to be in those ceremonies to see how sexually charged he he f he he appeared. ⁓ and I talk about it. I've talked about it with leadership and different people and I talk about ceremony and I talk about this energy, ⁓ how people ⁓ w within ⁓ who are totally naive about their own empower, their own empowerment and how things appear when you're in a collective holistic approach. And some people say, that's poo poo, that's you know, ESP, that's magic. And I'm going, this is life. It's all tied to sexual energy. And when it's perverse, the way Nathan Chasing Wars and within certain leadership within our communities, all based on on occult activity that started hundreds of years ago. started in Indian residential schools, started with, you know, American companies coming in trying to take our oil. Now again, we have o leadership who are in court who are using their wives to promote and get all their money associated with their wives so that they have access to their financial pockets. And and when they have Daniel S steel, the premier, trying to negotiate ⁓ pipelines and shit like that. You know, we decades we've had our leadership in different you know, their own companies and create companies, they make huge money if of embranching into B C and places where because they've got it they're indigenous and they're the token indigenous person. It just drives me crazy. And I'm sure, you know, you think, that's just all poo poo. Yeah, no, I I want you to understand this. There's the criminal side, yes. Tax evasion, embezzlement, racketeering. There's also the criminal sexual side. And with Nathan Chase and Morris, when he took this young girl who he videotaped, he took her three times. And she had the courage to document everything with the tribal police. And leadership squished it. she still had the pro she still had the courage right to even to this day, bless her heart. And and the thing is like like you know if if so much as as where would the chief in counsel this young woman should sue the chief in counsel. These these people who are victims of Nathan Chasing Wars should sue the chief in counsel or the leadership who was in council at the time in civil court. For not protecting them. I was there advocating for these rights. No one was listening, even the tribal police. So I put it on a podcast. I put it on a blogger, I mean. Right now I'm on a podcast. I put it on a on my blogger twenty years ago. Now even that to to find out like, okay, yes, he has a propensity for children. He has a propensity for boys and girls. But when our leadership here in Soudinna has a propensity for boys, where's the connection? You have a forensic psychologist says, Well, our this particular chief was my client. This is a the the forensic psychologist saying this to tribal police. He has a propensity for boys. Then he says he says to me, because of this chief, Nathan Chasing Horse has been thriving in Soudinna. That's under his personal opinion, coming out of his mouth, into my my ears. Now, what's the connection here? When when you have the followers of Nathan Chasinghorse who are working with the FBI and the state police of Nevada, and they're looking through all the documentations that they uncovered in his in his his possession in Nathan Chasing Horse's house, and they come through all these videos. That's why they when they c when they found the one where they could identify the hotel room in Las Vegas. And even then for these victims to try and sue in civil court these hotels for allowing Nathan Chasing Works to traffic them out of the these casinos. I mean we have a casino too, I know there's human trafficking happening there too. There's such a denial denial ability in terms of tribal authorities too. But the reality of it is there were a lot of things that they couldn't identify in which hotel, which country. They could understand the timeline. But there were there were such horrific other videos of children that they couldn't even bring because they could not say where it was taking place or who the child was. Now, why am I bringing this up is because yes, he's he's serving life in prison. Well, he's got what, 27 years before he can apply for parole. Yet we have our leadership here. ⁓ and I'm just saying my community. I'm I I want you to understand there are other communities that freely supported this man. ⁓ I have a cousin who got an honorary degree at the University of Calvary Who was openly supporting Nathan Chasinghorse when he was in council. Not from Sutina, but from another tribe. Really? We're talking about the nitty-gritty, shitty stuff that non-Indigenous people, they they like to romanticize like the stoic Hollywood indigenous person. I'm going, no. Every day we f we live the injustice. We live the injustice. We see it, we hear it, we breathe it, we smell it. Like it's so disgusting to to understand that we've grown up with these leaders who who are voted into council and once they get into council they take that money and manipulate it, whatever way. Like when I w like I said, I discovered where money was coming in from the government and where it was siphoned into different management. And management s took it and said that that money didn't belong to the people that it was supposed to go to. They're putting it in other programs where they would get money for their own workshops. Like it like it's it's it's diabolical and all this stuff is gonna come out. All this stuff has a lot of ⁓ our young people have discovered and have have are ready to disclose to the elders in our community. And when they expose it, ⁓ you know shit's gonna hit the fan. But I want to put it out here in my podcast to make it to make you aware this isn't something ⁓ like what's the word? There's no pretending about it. There's no fairy tale. There's no mysticism. There's no gawking. Nothing. Nothing phenomenal. This is hardcore reality. Hardcore reality of what people do to children. It's it's diabolical because obviously look at this. I'm seventy-four. This chief who's been who's been ⁓ charged is is I think seventy seventy four, seventy-three. I've known him my whole life. Just disgusting person. Put on a persona his whole life. Like what's the romanticism of being, you know, like so spiritual? You know, the the like it's like the pro It's like people want to recreate Indian residential school or the Indian agent, like there's that holy person. There's that white person, he's so perfect. yet yet that's patriarchy. Or or like look at that ⁓ person, he's so holy, like a pope, like a priest. We we have to honor that person. Marina Crane (33:09) Hello, I'm not too sure if I got disconnected or if I'm reconnected to my initial podcast, but ⁓ anyway, here goes again. I'm lost track. And that's okay. I just got off the phone with a lady when it comes to systemic racism. And and I think that's the the core of the whole thing is like there's a lot of things when it comes to intergenerational trauma. or crimes against humanity or just crimes in general of complacency or things that we think like why should we even get involved or why should we even start talking about these things. again, it's it's it's call I like it like sometimes I think in terms of psychology we really have to ⁓ motivate ourselves It's like aging, you know, you have a to do list and you write it down and you know, it looks all nice but then the actual work has to be done. And you know, it's like karma, you know, you say, well, ⁓ natural law, but again too, all this has to do with movement and the energy of doing the action. So, I mean, as much as I do my my podcast ⁓ and I transfer it to my blog, a lo a lot of times just thus psychology or the psychopathy of being human is is so abstract. That's the only way I can talk about it. ⁓ because in order to qualify in the sense of a self-validation, like a f a friend of mine told me she says it's it's one thing, you know, we could we could ⁓ sit and hypothesize about things but if we're just spinning our wheels, we're really doing ourselves injustice. We're we're really praying bad for ourselves. So we have to ⁓ understand there's a lot of things that yeah we think we understand but it it's harder to get motivated to to participate. And and I think a lot of times when it comes to ⁓ human sexuality, I think sometimes we we take for granted our own personal needs. I ⁓ you know, I talk about ⁓ things that I've ⁓ missed in my life, through choice and the things that I've learned about ⁓ myself and and what I try to instill in younger women so that younger women would have a healthier healthier life style and than ⁓ some some women that I have seen and continually you know look at because of the choices we make as women. So a friend of mine, she she you know when when I talk to her and I say you know some some of my friends are just curious. You know, they'll say, we're gonna call you and I'm going, No, they're not gonna call me and they said Well of course they're not gonna call you because You just want to know what's going on. And and so ⁓ when it comes to corruption and and I use the term ⁓ even though it's not money laundering or tax evasion or racketeering, the the realities of passing money and how things are being met and said and done is criminal. Even my talking about it, somebody could say, Well, I'm gonna sue you for were slandered. I'm going, this is all hypothetical. This isn't the reality of it. This is a theory. And for me the theory is if you have a leader who's been diagnosed or who's been critiqued by a forensic psychologist saying that this person has a propensity for boys. And if this certain leader has been enabling a certain medicine man, a false prophet, a a false prophet who also has a propensity for boys, not only boys but girls as well, who has who from this propensity has been allowed and given permission by his followers in a cult to practice these deviant behaviors of videotaping himself having sex with children. Now this is hypothetical and theoretical, but But the reality of the fact is when you're in your 50s and 70s and these things have come to light, have percolated to the top, think about it. Don't you think that that behavior had to have started someplace, somewhere? And how long has this propensity been bubbling to the surface? And how many victims have bit have there been? So when it comes to human trafficking and you have children who've been trafficked, it takes a long time for for children to start talking about these things. I mean for me, I was nineteen. It took what, twenty years? Twenty three years. now, why is this so important? Well again, when it comes to leadership and how people follow people because they appear to be godlike. Like I I I use the analogy they appear to be the the priest in Indian residential school who has authority over the entire residential school, or the Indian agent who has authority over everybody, or the RCMP officer who can make a arrest, anybody who's in a position of power who takes advantage and corrupts and manipulates and destroys another human being. I I've been schooled in saying, well don't call them monsters. Well what do you call them when they've transformed themselves into something that isn't human in the sense of would a human being do these things to their children? And as as horrible and as as d as horrible as it sounds, ⁓ this has been going on since the beginning of time. And I think that's probably why a lot of people go poo-poo and they don't want to hear about it. But the reality of it is as we age and how we how we handle our human sexuality is is is the reality of it. Now people see elderly people. So during the pe before the pandemic or during the pandemic, there was a case of sexually transmitted diseases in nursing homes. A lot of the the seniors who were in nursing homes were being promiscuous. women who'd been married to their husbands where the couple enter ⁓ old folks home, she becomes promiscuous, catches a sexually transmitted disease, not from her husband, but from the many partners in the nursing home. ⁓ an elderly man gets put into a nursing home by his sons. He is so frustrated he screams on the top of his voice during his lunch, I need sex. And what happens? They find Laptop, try to figure out how to calm him, his his nervous system. This is a senior. And they find that the only way they can calm him down is through pornography. So as we age and how we understand our own s human sexuality and what it means to brain health. Here's a question. Okay, and this is a hypothetical theory here. If I again okay, I'm I want to put it To me I'm exposing I'm saying hypothetically if I what's the word if if I gambled and ⁓ and I gamble and I my mind is constantly just focused on let that type of ⁓ escapism or ⁓ what to call deassociating myself in the gambling position and and I do that and my brain is conditioned to gamble that way. On top of that if if I am a also watching pornography as a Like again, this routine of like what am I gonna do in loneliness and isolation. And then on top of all that, like the dopamine or the dorphins or whatever is in the brain for what I eat, like junk food. So so understand that. Like if you're a senior or even if you're in the process of like isolation, like when they ha when the pandemic hit and and you have this ⁓ gambling addiction, ⁓ pornography addiction, food addiction. It only takes two months of isolation without doing these activities for your brain health to improve. So again, how we think things affect us, if we're in denial of it and we keep functioning this way, then it it it'll surface and it'll eventually show up as we age. So I'm I'm just talking. I'm not talking like I like I don't know these things. I I I I do enjoy gambling once a month. ⁓ I didn't even know what pornography I knew what pornography was in nineteen seventy six. I didn't know you could freely access it until like three years ago or four years ago. because of the pandemic people were talking about it and so I Googled it and and again I also heard about it, I think on TikTok. So yes, I I researched it and I thought, my goodness, I always thought that the internet was policed, so I again I didn't want to go on internet looking at a porn site. But when I found out that it wasn't policed, do you know that ⁓ looking up ordinances like TNT and bomb fuses and stuff like that y th they'll target that before they'll target you in terms of pornography. Again, only because I've had to do research on fuses and explosives. ⁓ but the reality too is like even how you eat, ⁓ like the satisfaction or self gratification. So for me, I'm trying to look after my mental health, my like i like it's one thing to to have a narrative. When I'm talking about mental health, I'm talking about the actual physiology of the brain, the the rooting and the synapses and reconstructing it. Like you you've got to be malleable enough that that you know you being away from these addictions only reshapes or rewires your brain. I'm I'm seventy four. I I I didn't start gambling until I was I think fifty. And ⁓ like I said, I didn't even know about porn until three years ago. And as far as food addiction, I think ⁓ what's been maybe since I was in my fifties. So little things like that. My whole life I I I I haven't been involved in that. Most of my life I've been concentrating more on ⁓ sexuality. what is obsession, ⁓ what is ⁓ glimmerance. And and a lot of people, ⁓ like when you're infatuated, that's a healthy thing. 'Cause eventually it could lead to marriage and relationships. And ⁓ but you have to have that discourse, you have to understand how to have a dialogue or conversation. Limerenance isn't as simple as it's as the word itself. I think there are a lot of people ⁓ who believe and they have workshops and how to eliminate, but it but it's far more complicated than that. It's not it's not that just something that you can like AA or or you know, some sort of support group. Limerance, yes, there are support groups for limerants. It's only the tip of the iceberg. I really believe it's a deep psychological ingrained human trait. I think it takes a collective holistic approach to to eliminate ⁓ self-defeating behavior. However, ⁓ limerants you can also have relapses and recovery. ⁓ and people neglect ⁓ to say these things because ⁓ most people just want to k fix, you know, magic wand, aber cadabra, you're fixed. But but in order to believe and to understand, it's like somebody who's been involved in AA their whole life that they think for the rest of their lives they're actually ha have this propensity to alcohol, when really it's how they see themselves, the identity. So how you see yourself in your identity is important and that's why when it comes to mental health and early childhood development, as well as being a young adult in your early twenties, it it is important to understand how we evolve all the time, every ten years or so, in in our identity. So by the time you become an elder, you've gone through so many changes within your life. And and so I try to talk about that in terms of healthy human sexuality. And even the gut feeling that You know, people aren't really there for me. If they were, they'd they'd they'd have the courage to ask me, why aren't you talking to me anymore? I have friends who would say that. I have a friend, you know, we have discussions about this. What are friends for? So it's taken me a long time. And a lot of times I think when people think, I can't live alone, I need to have a partner. And in a sense like I I've my whole life I've been alone. Save for the exception when I started taking care of my mother, ⁓ my late mother, caregiver, and then being a caregiver to my niece. ⁓ but most of my life I've I've managed to be on my own. And at the same time though, even though I'm alone, I'm never truly alone. I know a lot of people want to talk about so many things that's a great mystery in our life and and keep it that mystery. Keep the great mystery alive. Because nothing is set in terms of how we believe or what happens to us. Things that I had never thought I would ever experience in my life I experienced. impossible things that ⁓ I just never thought I would experience, I have experienced. And and likely so, it might not seem such a great thing, but for me as a human being and as I reflect in my life, I I I'm just grateful. So whatever information and how I give it out to my audience, I hope you take it and understand some of the things that I talk about are only hypothetical theories based on ⁓ basic ⁓ n basics the basics of what identity is. So the cla clarifying and understanding and saying, okay, based on this, this is what the theory is. So based on the fact that ⁓ w one of our leadership has a propensity for boys, based on the fact that this person was ashamed to be indigenous, passed himself as Mexican when he was in high school, has always been perceived by indigenous women as some sort of pervert. Has just has like all the time being around him, you just feel like, my goodness, he's making my my guts turn. People would ask me, Well Marita, don't you find him attractive? I'm going, Are you kidding me? So for whatever perverse reason, People perceived him in a different way than I did. You know, really makes you wonder, like, my goodness, are we so different? Yes, as human beings we are so different. And and again, the propensity for him to be attracted to children, ⁓ You know, it's a it's a really hard thing to comprehend. I remember I I ⁓ this one child, I spanked him and I and I just I stopped myself. I stopped myself because when I looked at him, he enjoyed it. And and I and it was scary because because he had been abused so much that that like it just shocked me. And and and I like it it's not just that made that made me curious about ⁓ childhood behavior or just the reality of classical conditioning or grooming, fawning, all this stuff. When I look at my parents and my grandparents in Indian residential school and I look at the layers of of p adults who Who had no boundaries in in what they did to children? I think that's why it's so perverse and why people don't like listening to my podcast is because I talk about the perversion of it. And and how could you look at a man who practices sweat lodges and sundance and has a following of young girls following him? How could he have such propensity for the di the deviance of what it actually has them sexually aroused. As a man it's like his erection. You know, that that's what stimulates him. He needs to have it like it's a an addiction. And for him to to you know use children in ceremonies, hit them over the head or or just groom them, just convince their mothers that their daughters or their their a child, their girls are are in need of grooming. And that and that things are so bad because because there's no dad or or father figure or ⁓ protector visible that that that ⁓ men like that can take advantage or that ⁓ women want to be in a relationship because they don't want to be alone so they gravitate to some political leader who appears to be like a good provider. And yet yet the the the just hiding it. That's what's so disgusting because it took decades. It took decades. Understand this. Even when I warn people about different people. I mean, yeah, we can say about Nathan Chasinghorse, but believe me, in my community, and there are people in my community, I even warn people about them and nobody listens. So that's why I do my podcast and I'm saying no, I truly believe as human beings we all have that gut feeling. We all know. And the reality of it is a lot of times as indigenous women who follow their gut, who have led ⁓ dur you know s you know, amazing lives, that ⁓ w we will not tolerate certain things. And the the fact that we don't makes makes us to be you know, people that ⁓ certain people don't want to be around or they wanna be around us to to make themselves feel better, that that they ⁓ are smarter. ⁓ again, why? I I've had to prove myself at in university classes, taking tests after test after tests. I've had to prove myself working in systemic racism structures, going to work every day dealing with racism. And and you want a piece of me? Because because you think like that by talking to me you get to experience what I've experienced and then stab me in the back. So much like it's heartbreaking. I ⁓ you get to a point where you you get battle fatigue and and I know ⁓ it hurts me when people hate me and treat me like shit. And I had to have some this this woman say to me, Marina, you're a nice person. Do these nice things for yourself. And she went on to say, Well, so and so thinks you're nice, I think you're nice. And I thought, yeah, okay, I'm nice. You're nice. We're nice people. Put some boundaries down and like of course when I lived in Utah, I was alone. You know, sometimes I have an apartment by myself when the semesters were free in the summer. ⁓ just the reality of like struggling to go to work by myself, doing things by myself. ⁓ Put me in a class of my own, especially around men and how they preyed upon women, vulnerable women. I had a lot of times where I was infatuated. I didn't realize that I was actually grooming myself. You know, like my friend says sometimes we we pray bad on ourselves and I think in terms of limerence we we do do that in in the sense of infatuations, like, it's okay to be infatuated with this guy. But but with without even understanding that all of a sudden it turns into limerence. Like like why did I do that? Why did I put myself in that position to to let people know I was infatuated with this man. and I didn't know I didn't know it had to do with with just how I felt about myself, my identity. ⁓ you know, 'cause as as women we c we we're we do more harm to ourselves. So my Polynesian roommate who was living rent free created a narrative that a Polynesian friend of hers was interested in me. And and I listened to her. I she was so convincing. And it was getting to the point where like she was living four months rent free. It got to the point where I'm going, Okay, yes, I find him attractive, I'm infatuated. But I kept the narrative going. And that's where the limerence came in, because I didn't know I didn't know that that I was looking for love. But but where? I had to I had to physically go and talk to the man and say to him, My roommate made this narrative up about you ⁓ liking me, ⁓ not saying to him, yeah, I know I'm a nice person, but just the reality that she manipulated me into believing that he was f infatuated with me. And and then he he disclosed, No, he says I I I'm not infatuated with you and I thanked him. But that was the beginning of of not even the beginning. I mean, I thought I fell in love with this Beautiful, handsome California white guy when I was eighteen. Tragedy, tragedy. The things you fall for, just all we wanted was sex, okay? I mean, l you talk about what do you call permiscuity. It i it's i it's acceptable for men, especially military men, whereas it's not acceptable for single indigenous women. no. Single indigenous women who are promiscuous are just asking. No, no. I walked away from him. Could you imagine being addic addicted to sex? Having that craving so damn bad. And you walk away. That was my first experience at eighteen. And I I truly, you know, like as I'm seventy four and I reflect back on that and I think about all the struggles I've had. when it's come when it comes to women manipulating other women into believing they're bullshit to get something done. Either get ahead in the job or some diabolical scheme. Excuse me, like I've just ha after witnessing what I did in Las Vegas and all the shit I went through in in ⁓ social media with with people I knew. I just said, nope, boundaries down. I'm not gonna be manipulated by women. the whole point of recovery in terms of s being a victim of violence is to be able to stand your ground and not be afraid to confront the person who's hurting you. And ⁓ that's a part of the whole part of ⁓ taking infatuation and separating it from limerence because because then with limerence you're You're confronting the perpetrator and you're not afraid to face ⁓ the the narrative, the false narrative that was created to put you in a place of safety. Even if that safety is created in a false illusion or delusion of love. I think that's why I I think a lot of people in other countries think that it's okay to marry a rapist. So the mental health and the s strategy of just being a woman and following your gut feelings about how other women treat you or how you yourself pray bad on yourself. A lot sometimes I talk about hung prayers and what they mean and I was talking to this artist friend who's who's he he's a chairperson for art college. So I'm I'm not talking, you know, some some vagab vagabond who or some, you know, a street artist. You know, I'm talking about someone who's gone through ceremony and ritual, who's who's ⁓ has seen and heard ⁓ collective and holistic ways of healing in ceremony and in ritual. To you know, we we have discussions about about ⁓ how how sometimes when people ⁓ are jealous or hate ⁓ especially when when you don't realize that some people are just mean. I didn't realise people could pray. Like, you know, when I maybe I'm so in I'm so fucking indoctrinated into Christianity that I think prayer is supposed to be something, you know, like you're asking for the best in life. But, you know, it's thought, it's a thought. Okay, so prayer is a thought. I I just a s we know when I talk about when I try to define what hung prayers are. It's it's a really hard thing to comprehend, especially you yourself. If you do this to yourself, then you're doing more damage to yourself. I I call that self-defeating behavior. And self-defeating behavior ⁓ is manifested in illusions and delusional ways of thinking. So yes, we do hang prayers on ourselves. However There's also more diabolical, like I said, my roommate who was sponging off of me, manipulating, ⁓ gaslighting, you know, how we fawn. That you know, when when when we allow people to try and control us, even people who have a propensity for being sexually attracted to us, a lot of times we don't realize that they're preying on us, not just physically, emotionally, but even spiritually. So so they're praying for bad things to happen to us. And so these are hung prayers. These hung prayers are manifested in different ways physically. ⁓ Like it's one thing to talk Marina Crane (1:02:53) So it's it's one thing to to look at. ⁓ us ourselves and think, okay, so hung prayers we're we're praying bad for other people, ⁓ out of jealousy, manipulation, or envy. And and ⁓ so when I spoke to this ⁓ fellow who's a chairperson for a university and I said to him, you know, one of the spiritual people who ⁓ served time in Vietnam who had a hard time adjusting to civilian life had talked about hung prayers and how people ⁓ say bad things about people and how those prayers get hung onto the person's spirit. And he said he said there was an elderly man who died and people in the community were just afraid of him. They they didn't want to come into his house. They didn't want to prepare his body for burial, death, nothing. So he said he went in there Blessed the house, blessed the man's corpse, prepared the body in the grave site, everything. He said after the man was buried all through ceremony and ritual, he said the the funeral home director approached him and he says, I saw what you did. I I want you to come to the funeral home. I want to show you something. And he says, When I've been preparing d these bodies you know, of indigenous people, he says, these objects have come out, dropped off the dropped on from the floor. Dropped on the floor from their bodies. And these were objects, you know, different different types of objects. Little little pieces. Like like pieces with hair or bone or something attached to it. And he says, I've collected them over the you know, I've collected them over the years and he had mason jars full of them. He says I d I didn't s he says I've s he says I've collected them. I don't know what to do with them. He says, I want to give it to you. He says, I didn't see this ⁓ happening to other people except this one tribe. He says, until until ⁓ immigrants came in from another country. And then I saw this other tribe. They're they're they're dead. These objects were falling out of their bodies. So this fellow said, Well, those are hung prayers. See so so like understand the manifestation of that. I was totally in denial of the like I use the concept of limerance, but but it it is a form of hung prayers, hung prayers against ourselves. And and until we understand limerence It's one thing to have infatuation and to be infatuated. It's another thing to confront the person that is manipulating you into believing somebody somebody's in love with you for the for their own gain. Okay, that's that's not that's not hung prayers, that's just manipulation. But you if you believe the narrative and you don't confront it, then you're hanging your own prayers on yourself. And you can get stuck in that and it becomes limerant. So so for me, like I mentioned, ⁓ I don't know, ⁓ I've gotta reconnect all of my blogs because or my podcasts cause I've been shutting them. I've been trying to finish this podcast and yet each time ⁓ something happens and my recording stops. I either accidentally or whatever. But the reality of it is like I said, ⁓ I was promiscuous when I was younger. And when I talk to men about this, they kind of s smile and I'm going, No, society allows men to be promiscuous and they say, you're good you're good sexu you're good, you're handsome, you've got all the sexual energy, good for you, sowing your wild oats. I say to those men, What is it about women? That women are not allowed to be promiscuous, and yet it's the same psychological again. That's the way we heal. So for me, ⁓ when I had encountered a ⁓ a soldier who ⁓ was had escaped to didn't go back to Vietnam to fight, a deserter, I, you know had sex with him. It was I w like I was being promiscuous and so was he. I could have s tried, I could have begged, I could have you know, like it was I it was so enjoyable. I could have been addicted to that man. There was a gut feeling. I walked away. I walked away and and as much as it hurt emotionally, I did. And that's part of healing. Because at that moment I realized that I'm not praying bad on myself. I'm not allowing somebody to hurt me. I I'm tr I'm trying to understand who I am and what it what it is in this life that I'm doing. So the irony of it is even though I talk about limerenance, it's far more complicated than what AA like what the whole establishment of support groups like ⁓ AA or El Anon or like support groups. much of this was sort of ⁓ studied by psychologists and people who studied indigenous ways in the Americas and they adopted this support system of holistic and collective approaches to healing through narratives. The reality though is like it's it's a false construct because the people who are participating haven't known each other from childhood, teenage childhood, from babies, childhood to teenagers to adults, to parents to grandparents. It's a holistic collective approach, which only these narratives like AA or support system or or like call it cult like can exist. It and it is, but until you bring it into a situation where you know the people from childhood to death, that it's not a cult. It's a collective holistic way of approaching things. Because within the system we start to identify who we were as children, as teenagers, young adults, seniors, you know, it it goes. So the reality of of hung prayers or or praying bad for ourselves is is the inability to to walk away. To walk away and and to actually have the courage to actively do something. Because karma is an action word. And so so again, what is the difference between like okay, yeah, we ha we hang prayers on ourselves. But but at the same time there are people who actually do pray bad for other people. And and so how do we like the fellow who ⁓ taught me this had killed quite a few men in Vietnam. Now no doubt the ⁓ man I had sex with when I was nineteen years old had killed men in Vietnam as well. ⁓ because I couldn't understand like why he was it was so easy for him to walk away. But when this lesson was taught to me by this Lakota man, he says he says, when people talk bad about another person, he says that's how easy it is to kill a human being. So when this man that I had sex with ⁓ when I've heard him say something bad I I didn't even know he was gonna it was gonna come out of his mouth. I just felt it maybe minutes before and I had to call him over to let him know. Like I I was I just had moments to say something. If I didn't grab it at that moment, anything else I would have said would have been ⁓ like a hung prayer. Because i you know, that's what I I thought, no, I've gotta say it so it isn't a hung prayer. Whatever happens afterwards, ⁓ that's like this is this is the only time I have. I knew that I was gonna walk away. I just knew it. Now throughout my life, even when it came to confronting the football player that that ⁓ this clo roommate had had ⁓ lied about My my grandfather, ⁓ well my grandparents really loved me. And he used to put me on his lap and sing to me. And his nickname for me was football because I was round like a football. And and the year I was born he he ⁓ attended the Grey Cup in on Ottawa, I think, or o someplace in Ontario. And ⁓ so that was his nickname for me, he was football. never realizing like this whole limerence and this whole identity of like s stopping hung prayers was was also part of this football player and i for me talking to him and ⁓ you know getting the skinny on how he really felt about me Like and the thing is, like yes, he told me he wasn't interested in me, but I kept the narrative going so that I would keep women at bay from pressuring me into dating or we'll say fucking around. I just I just knew I had to go to school, I had to go to work, I didn't have I had to just focus and and look after myself. I didn't really understand systemic racism. I didn't understand limerence or I understood infatuation, but I didn't know the extent of how it was how it was connected to trauma. ⁓ that being said though, I do realize that a lot of this abstract ways of thinking is so foreign to non-Indigenous people. So I tried to I try to have some discourse about it and say this is this is the way it is. y if you're if you pray bad to s for somebody to have something bad happen to them, they have hung prayers on them. If they're not protecting themselves through prayer, then those hung prayers can get attached to them. And again too if you're not trying to eliminate your own self defeating behavior, then then it's basically open season for people to hang those prayers on you so easily. So it's a compound double edged sword. as an individual protecting your identity, that that one side has to do with the reactive side of here and now. And the other side of the sword is the deactivated part where it's based on memory and the collective consciousness of how you treated the person you were sexually active with, a husband, a boyfriend, a lover, a promiscuous partner. Those things ⁓ play a crucial role in how you interact with people on a on a day-to-day basis. Especially when you find, like for me, you know, throughout my life I've had various infatuations. Like I think the first infatuation were cowboys. Because all my uncles and my dad were cowboys. ⁓ calf roper, like ⁓ just gorgeous, gorgeous cowboys. Yeah, yeah, infatuation. ⁓ never really acted on it in the sense of you know, having ⁓ like having a a relationship. because again too it would have been through manipulation rather than just infatuation. And if it went through manipulation then it would have been associated with limerence. Okay, so that's the fur then again it moved into ⁓ what, like I think there was a little period of ⁓ hockey hockey players that moved into football players when I lived in the United States and and then just men who did workshops. I never was really into anything like authoritative like police, professional people, doctors, lawyers, Indian chiefs, no. I I think my my infatuation or my ⁓ limerence or l the or the yeah, infatuation w w was ⁓ like really you know, like I'm I'm just trying to say it whenever I felt infatuated, I would have to have a dialogue with the person. Because if I knew I didn't have a dialogue, that infatuation would turn into limerence. Again, I didn't understand I'm praying bad for myself because it's a self-defeating behavior based on illusion or delusional ways of thinking. Because putting myself in limerence was a false way of saying, I'm loved. Now who the hell said that I wasn't loved? Growing up in systemic racism when I had little white boys calling me ugly, squaw, wagon burner, And were afraid of me. Not because I was ugly and a monster, 'cause I was really tough. Like physically tough. I chopped wood. I was a I was I was a a outdoor survivalist type of child. I didn't have to pretend to be something I'm not. ⁓ so I think that's why when when I see politics in the United States and I see Trump with his pretendian narrative about who he is and I'm going, This poor man, how sad that he hasn't lived a life. Like I I I know how to I know how to rope a horse. I know how to make a a ⁓ a bit out of a rope for a horse. I know how to set satch up a saddle. I could ride bareback. I I know how to skin a rabbit, I know how to skin a deer. I I know how like there are certain survival skills that I grew up with. ⁓ and the fear of riding full gallop bareback or just the ⁓ just the embracing life. like breathing at that that that there are people out there who make millions and are billionaires who haven't lived life. It's sad. And they create this narrative, this narrative that is so self defeating about themselves based on how people or the perception of how they want people to see them. Now That's just basic 101 when it comes to people in terms of balance. That they're so unbalanced even as they age. That's why when I talk about my podcast and I talk about ⁓ taking what healthy human sexuality is, and and I said like a double-edged sword, on one side there's the reactive side of just talking to another human being. about human sexuality, about even talking about my own sexual experience with a man, or him talking to me about the first time like like that he saw porn or or he stole an object or like for me, ⁓ yeah, I had sex with this guy. Adult talk. That's reactive, that's the other side of the sword. The other side of the sword is the sexual attraction, that all human beings innately are empowered and given that right as a human being. When our memory isn't one of the joy of sex, that the whole book, The Joy of Sex, that's the other part of the double-edged sword. That's why the narrative about talking Giving talking about infatuation and knowing the difference between infatuation and limerence, again the double-edged sword, one half and the other half. If you do not have balance in that and you don't understand the difference, and if you cannot see the flavor or the empowerment that you get in in understanding who you are and the actions that you made in your life to make you who you are today, those things are vital in terms of energy, in in terms of a collective holistic approach of healing. So much of my podcast and even talking about self-motivation, N like and again, people want to use the word negative and positive in terms of the double edged sword. ⁓ I just don't think there's a positive or negative in the sense it's a d it's it's it's like a tr a triangle, like one s there's one side and there's another side. But there's a balance in between that we're constantly dancing every day of our lives when we meet people. It it's not set in stone. It's n of course it's not set in stone. It's not set in stone in the sense that when you're in a relationship ⁓ and all of a sudden you fell fall out of love. That's not set in stone. We are human beings with a lot of frailties, a lot of innuendos, a lot of fluidity, the concepts of who we feel and what we feel. We have we have little to say about it because again, it's based on who we are, what makes us balanced. Has nothing to do with manipulation or or evil in t I didn't even want to use the word evil again. When I use that it's like positive and negative and I don't like the duality of it. Because there's the there there the i when you when you talk about duality it's like it's either or but real but it isn't. It's fluid. It's it's like movement. It's it's it's energy. So so ⁓ like relax. Close your eyes. Think about being in a dark room, no sound. And then think again like your your eyes are closed and you're there's nothing Nothing around and and all of a sudden you're hearing people come in. Your eyes are still closed, it's dark and you hear people come in sitting around you. And you know there's gonna be someone coming in in the middle of this crowd of people. And you see you hear it. All you see is darkness, but you know there's motion happening. And you you see and you understand that this person that comes in is gonna be wrapped up and tied up. And and and they're gonna have people there who are going to look at this person as if they're at a funeral. like as if they're going to prepare this person for burial. But really what they're doing is pre preparing this person to be the conduit of energy. Because what they're tying up is his energy, his or her energy. And what you're witnessing is your life. reflecting back on all the decades of what and who you've been. So I want you to think about that. Look again, it's all dark, there's nothing nothing around. All you hear is this commotion. Then all of a sudden you hear people singing. Okay, in in in this sense they're singing and then in the sense you hear the person is wrapped up talking. And and the person is talking as if creator and the grandfathers and grandmothers are listening to this person. And everybody in the in the room again are in the same position. They can't see no light, they can't see each other. They just know that there's others existing in the same room. And then all of a sudden you see lights and flashing and you hear sounds. You hear a a elk trampling through the center of the room and giving out a h a big yell, or you hear eagle feathers coming wiping against your face or fluttering above you. You hear things, you hear little twerks and stuff. Then again too they'll be burning smudge or or whatever in this whole darkness. I want you to understand this. The person and what you see and what your senses are, that's like what smell, feel you feel, touch, see, speak, all those are captivated in this dark room. You can't you're not able to use them. So what the hell are you seeing and what the hell are you experiencing? Basically, you're seeing the balance of everybody. That phenomena, that stuff. what you're hearing, that's a collective holistic entrapment collective of all the energy of the people who are in that space. All those people created that. And you're thinking, it's coming from the individual who's talking. No, it's coming for the people who are participating. If you s think it's the individual who's being wrapped, then you know that there's no you're you you're not balanced. You you you you haven't you haven't there's something in terms of hung prayers that that that you have to deal with. But when you realize like it's a collective holistic approach, then you know you're balanced. You know there are no hung prayers, you know that you've you're in a good relationship, you know that you're in love with your partner and everything is healing. So for the when the ceremony is over and and the singing is done and the prayers are done and people have talked and the lights turn on, the person who's been wrapped up, if everything has been in balance, you will not feel sexual energy from that individual. Because the sexual energy has manifested itself in the balance of the individuals who've been taking part in this ritual and ceremony. These things have been handed down for thousands and thousands of years in kinships and how we deal and talk with each other's energy rather than talking or speaking or seeing or feeling. That's why it's important to As human beings, no matter how much we think we have fallen in love or how much we love our partners, this fluctuation, this energy, this flow, finding and seeking balance is vital to our happiness. So those are the lessons I've learned, and this is why for me, when I try to pray for protective healing energy. For for a a human being that I'm attracted to in infatuation, I pray for protective healing energy for their mind, heart, spirit and soul. Because I don't want it to turn into limerence and I release them with protective reflective healing energy from from any self defeating illusion or dusion of of anything he or I he, she or whoever the the ⁓ prayer is for ⁓ is is is there with the guidance of the grand the grandfathers and grandmothers and creator's will creator and grandfathers and will grandmother's will is being done. So these things are spiritual practices that I believe in and it's taken a long time to distinguish and understand what hung prayers are. A lot of people ⁓ didn't realize and didn't quite understand. Like like this teacher who has passed away, he said it's that's how easy it is to kill a human being. When you talk bad about another human being, that's how easy it is. So even when we talk bad about ourselves and how we how we do this to ourselves and how we hang these prayers to ourselves. A lot of people talk about peeling away onion skins. Well for me I talk about it in terms of prayers and how how they're hung with it within our heart, mind, spirit, and soul. These things we don't have physical touch to feel or see, but they do exist. And sometimes we look at it and say, ⁓ well, somebody manifested in ceremony and ritual. No, someone didn't manifest it, you did, along with a collective holistic approach. And only when you're in a group or in ceremony that you understand the empowerment that you've taken on. Not the individual who's conducting the ceremony, or not the individual who's observing the ceremony, but it's the participants within the ceremony itself. That's what Creator has done for us. And if we understand this approach to our own ⁓ ability to ⁓ find balance and understand how we feel about another human being, it's important to validate these things every day of our life. We need to protect these things for ourselves and for other people. We're having a difficult time walking this journey. Because we don't know what h what people have done to these individuals. We don't know how much pain they're carrying. So these things I try to talk about in terms of the exploitations of Nathan Chasing horse. and how easy it was for him to recruit people who were seeking this validation, and how he bastardized the whole understanding of this holistic collective approach of healing. That's been around since for thousands and thousands of years, like I said, created clan systems for the Oshati Shakoi, the seven council fires of the Sioux nation, created ⁓ O-type bloodline, universal blood donors. through matriarchy, through clan systems. Things that were how we deal with the energy of healthy human sexuality, that energy that we carry, that words touch, smell, and sight do not s can't comprehend. This is what creator and grandfathers and grandmothers have gifted us with. So in that I will close my up my podcast. I hope you ⁓ have a good day to day and understand ⁓ these things that I try to do in terms of my podcast is is to understand like ⁓ I have a certain way of doing things and there are so many other people that have different gifts and different things that are contributing to making things run in this world. Like I made an analogy to my friend. I said we're like ants in an ant pile. When one ant moves, everybody shifts. I said, but then you have somebody who thinks they're not an ant and they fight the system. I said they they don't realize that they're they're not as bold and brave or as unique as they think they are. And it's sad because it's creator and grandfather's will being done. So anyway, enough of roman romanticism and some people would say enough of your delusional ways of thinking. And I'm going, okay, it's delusional, thank you. But hey, I've I've seen life. I've I've gone through so many things in my life and I continue. And I hope as long as I can continue ⁓ doing my podcasts I think the next chapter in my life is going to be dealing more with systemic racism and fighting racism and what racism is. Because it's not as clear cut as we all think it is. And at the same time too, like when I talk about healthy human sexuality and balance, it's not all that we think it is. The psychological terms and ⁓ way psychology teaches human behavior, I tr I try to give it in a very ⁓ nonsensical approach so that you can understand it and digest it. It's it's not ⁓ it's something that I try to gift people rather than ⁓ paying ⁓ a couple hundred dollars and ⁓ four months of tuition over a class fee. that being said ⁓ I do I do ⁓ get invited and and people do pay me. so there is some payment but for me in my podcast I I do this freely, hoping that ⁓ I'm able to help somebody out there who who may be having a hard time understanding what love is.