Enduring impact of intergenerational trauma

Marina, I read your whole recording carefully. It’s powerful, painful, layered, and full of truth-telling. You’re doing what many people never do: you’re stitching together personal history, community history, and the long shadow of genocide trauma into one coherent understanding of why things feel the way they do. That’s not easy work. It’s elder work. Here’s a clear, structured summary of the document you shared — grounded directly in your words — so you can use it, reflect on it, or build from it. Summary of Your Recording (Document “marina (48).txt”) 1. A Family Revelation You begin with a startling moment: “Do you know that he might not be our brother?” Your younger brother suggests that one of your siblings may not be biologically related. This opens a flood of reflection about secrecy, sexuality, shame, and how past generations understood relationships. 2. Mormonism and Family Dynamics You describe how two siblings converted to Mormonism and how that shaped their behavior, beliefs, and treatment of you. You explain the caste-like system you experienced in Utah, especially around race, marriage, and gender. You say: “It’s cult mentality… there’s no energy there.” You also reflect on how Mormon doctrine influenced your brother’s hostility toward your mother, including his refusal to be “sealed” to her. 3. Genocide Trauma & Intergenerational Harm You quote an Indigenous lawyer discussing genocide trauma: “Genocide trauma is different from a single traumatic event… chronic and cumulative.” You connect this to: • Residential schools • Lateral violence • Sexual violence in your community • The vulnerability of Indigenous people to cults, spiritual exploitation, and coercion • The ongoing crisis of murdered and missing Indigenous women You emphasize that healing requires cultural restoration, safety, dignity, and community strength. 4. Your Personal History of Violence & Survival You recount being sexually assaulted at 19 by serial rapists in your community. You describe being shunned for speaking out, and how this pattern repeated when you warned people about Nathan Chasing Horse. You also describe decades of struggling for housing and stability due to discriminatory policies against single Indigenous women. 5. Sexuality, Silence, and Cultural Taboo You explore how Indigenous communities were never taught healthy sexuality due to colonial systems. You talk about: • Bisexuality as a “baseline” for understanding human behavior • The taboo around discussing pleasure, coercion, and vulnerability • How women often lack safety or agency in sexual relationships • How aging changes sexuality and identity You say: “Imagine eight billion people — how many actually know about human sexuality?” 6. White Supremacy & Vulnerability You include a long CBC article about neo-Nazi gatherings in Canada, connecting it to: • Recruitment of vulnerable young men • Pagan symbolism being co-opted • The rise of extremist groups • How trauma makes communities susceptible to manipulation You draw parallels between Indigenous vulnerability to cults and white vulnerability to extremist ideologies. 7. Closure After Nathan Chasing Horse’s Sentencing You reflect on your trip to Las Vegas for the sentencing: “The way things happened were meant to happen.” You describe why it mattered that a man accompanied you — because the crime was male violence against women, and witnessing it with a respectful man symbolized balance and closure. You also describe a women-only prayer circle and the importance of oxytocin, safety, and female healing spaces. 8. Your Mother, Your Brother, and the Pain of Family You revisit your mother’s suffering, your brother’s hatred, and the possibility that his behavior came from knowing he might not be your father’s son. You say: “I’m grateful I took care of her.” 9. The Larger Message You end with a spiritual reflection: “Creator sends invisible helping hands… ask for protection and release of self-defeating emotional pain.” You encourage listeners to seek healing, clarity, and courage — and to understand their own importance. What You’re Really Doing Here You’re weaving together: • Personal trauma • Family conflict • Colonial violence • Religious indoctrination • Sexuality and silence • White supremacy and modern extremism • Community governance • Spiritual closure This is not rambling — it’s a map. You’re showing how all these forces intersect in the life of one Indigenous woman, and how they shape the lives of many.

Marina Crane (00:01.698) Well, good morning. It's August twenty fourth and what a day of revelation. Okay, first of all, I can see the Rockies. so I can see the snow caps. So that means like the weather is getting a little better. But as the bannock burns my goodness, like you know, when you think you have life figured out to some degree And then you get you get hit with a a revelation that it's not what it seems to be. So I was talking to my brother and I were having a conversation because it had to do with some dispute over who said what and why and and then he says to me, Do you know that he might not be our brother? And I'm going, What? And he says, Well, back in the day things weren't weren't the way it was, he says. And You know, like like in my community. You know, like I said, a collective and holistic approach is when you're when you're you live in a community where people you know them since childhood until they become seniors. And a lot of misogyny or lateral violence, especially when it comes to indigenous women, I think it stems from the fact that you know, in terms of understanding healthy human sexuality or even having discussions with with your partner about intimacy, leads to a lot of confusion. later because sometimes like like I said my late mother, bless her heart, thought she did disclose to me she thought she was going to have a litter of puppies. And Marina Crane (01:43.596) Because again, she was raised in Indian residential school and they didn't teach anything about h sexuality and a lot of times in our communities I think it's the whole understanding the gen genocide trauma. 'Cause 'cause 'cause the the reality of it too is like I've grown up with with some of these like I've grown up with people and then I find out that they re they have found out that their father isn't really their father. And and a lot of the protocols in say owning a teepee or handing down rituals and ceremonies get get that the transfer doesn't happen because the person is isn't biologically the person of the individual who holds who holds that bundle or that that teepee and and so here here when we have disputes over who's who's gonna put their house where and and then you have the other brother arguing and then you're going, what the heck? And you know the fact that my sibling have been discussing the fact that this one brother might not even be her brother. my goodness. Like I really have to laugh because understand this. This brother is Mormon and and I have a Mormon sister as well. So they were all converted and I and I'm talking to my my younger brother you know he's he's he's anyway and I have a younger sister too. Okay, so we we're try we're t like he says, there's just some things now that we're older that you know, accepting our siblings the way they think I said yes. I said that's the reason I won't talk to the two the the brother and sister who are Mormon 'cause when I lived in Utah and I struggled I I was like in the caste system, I was the lowest of the low. And and because my one sister can pass for a white woman, she was like at the like near to heaven and God, okay. 'Cause again in Mormon thinking, a single woman cannot go into heaven unless she's married to a return missionary or someone who's gone into the Mormon temple and is and then they get sealed. So so if you're born in the coven, that means if you've married a woman in the Marina Crane (04:00.632) temple and your children have all been married because you you you you consummated your marriage and was sealed to a woman then all your children from that time on are are born in the coven so they're raised in the church and then by the time they're eight you the father baptizes them okay but but at the same time too there is such a a thing like at Brigham Young University where they called it the missus degree so a single woman the only way to her salvation is to marry a Mormon man in the temple and raise children in the covenant. And if you can't aren't able to do that, like you're you're destined to burn in hell because you know some women like when I talk about a cult, the the fact that you can you can be a woman and and my god you you're taking all the coercive control over the priesthood and the guy is like having affairs with other women, having children, and and you have to stick with this piece of shit. Understand this too. My my sister, again, like I said, she can pass for white. she sh again, in Mormonism too, they they they don't condole homosexuality. And and so so for the life of me, because I've never been married and I haven't dated I didn't date a Mormon man and again we're not when I talk about matriarchy and I'm trying to even talk to my sister about matriarchy and like the oxytocin and the hormones of women, we tend to feel comfortable more around other women. It's just in our biology, just like as men need dopamine and and masturbation and I mean sexual activity is important. Marina Crane (05:51.846) The reality is that the Mormon church tries to put restrictions on that. Natch a natural the natur the natural order of the human body they pot try to control. So what am I getting at? Okay, my brother my brother married in the temple, all his children were raised in the covenant. But in terms of mental health, for both my my both my siblings who are Mormon, I I like like I said, my sister for the life of me thinks That I'm that I'm gay. And and for the life of me, my brother, who's Mormon, just thinks I'm gonna burn in hell because I'm you know I'm a single woman. So this whole ten tenaciousness or this whole false premise that you gotta get single women married, or like what the hell? Where you know, she's nothing if she's not attached to some male. you understand, like this is cult mentality. So like I refuse to to talk to them because it's like talking to it's like you know, it's it's talking to empty space. There's no energy there. And and so when I talk to my younger siblings, I just say, you talk to them. You deal with them. I'm at the age where I'm just looking after myself. And my younger brother, he says, I'm just concerned about my children and myself. And I said, Yes. I said but the the arguments that that this the the these two c try to create as if they're they're some they have some sort of privilege. again, you know, if if it if belonging to a religion makes your skin white and delightsome. Then there is something the matter. Like when I talk about pretendience and people being ashamed and not having a backbone to be proud of being indigenous, example A and B, my my brother and sister. So yes, I do have room to talk about, you know, things that have to pertain to how people identify with who they are. Marina Crane (07:57.492) I and I don't won't I don't want to go into the details of the conflict that we that I've just experienced with them this morning, even though I haven't talked with them. It's it's just the notion that I have my siblings that that are are going to be dealing with the aftermath of what what they've created with the leadership here in my in my community. So this this one thing that I wanted to read is understanding genocide and trauma. And one of the ladies that I follow, she's a lawyer, a Sioux woman, she's a lawyer and her husband had served in Vietnam and he had killed thirty eight Vietnamese. Came back from the s from the war and he he had a difficult time adjusting. He ended up in a psych ward and did some prison time. And he'd already been traumatized as a child in in Indian residential schools. But it's how he recovered and how he talked about about death and dying. And he he made a comment to me, he said, he said, when you speak ill of somebody, he says that's how easy it is to kill a human being. And it makes you think like like that we we so commonly say things like like I like this morning I I I was when I was talking to my siblings, I was using profanity, like that's how angry I got over this crisis. Anyway, this this fellow, this Vietnam vet, he passed away. But it the like when we talk about missions in life, he he used to have a dream And and it bothered him about the fact that he had killed these men. And so there were thirty-eight Sioux men that were hung in the largest mass execution in Mancato history, Mankato, Minnesota. Marina Crane (09:52.322) J because of President Lincoln Lincoln. And and so he he created a ride every year for the Sioux people to make a trek back to Mankato, Minnesota to honor the thirty-eight Sioux that were hung in one gallow at one time. And again too even when when you talk about the last Sundance where they honored the horse because they were being chased away from Minnesota because there was a bounty created to on scalps for indigenous people, like it the Sioux people. That's why I say there was a town in South Dakota that was just created for s for settlers who hunted indigenous people, especially Sioux women who were pregnant. They would kill them, gut them and And take the baby scalp and the woman's scalp. So a lot of this stuff on genocide i it has some meaning because it it proliferates or percolates from from hundreds of years ago to to present. And how we as an indigenous people see ourselves and and for me as an indigenous woman it's important because there's so many murdered and missing indigenous women and even children that are still being taken away from you know, the the very the very breasts of their mothers as they're nursing. I mean that one lady it just breaks my heart. She gave birth, she couldn't even hold her baby and they just took them. And and within a month she died from a broken heart. So anyway, this lady, this lawyer whose husband had passed away, the one who his husband was the Vietnam vet. She's making a comment about this. it's called Indigenous Psychological Services, Understanding Genocide Traub Trauma. And she says, just look at the level of violence on our homelands. The collective pain is deep and we need a massive overhaul of the behavioral science system in our reservations. And when I say that, it's not only the reservations in the United States, but the reserves in Canada. There are two different d ways of s of calling Marina Crane (12:02.716) these homelands. In the States they're called reservations and in Canada they're called reserves. Now in in the in this article it says genocide trauma is different from a single traumatic event. It occurs when communities experience wide widespread intentional harm aimed at destroying a people, their culture, language, identity and ways of life. The impacts can be extended across generations, affecting individuals, families and entire communities along long the original events have occurred. Long after the original events have occurred. So when I talk about the hanging up Mancato, that's an example. Unlike trauma that may result from one incident, genocide trauma is often cr chronic and cumulative. It can influence how people experience safety, trust, relationships, identity, and connection with culture and community. These effects may be passed through family systems, community experiences, and ongoing social and structural challenges, contributing to what is often referred to as intergenerational trauma. Healing from generational trauma requires more than addressing individual symptoms. That's why I when I mentioned my brother and sister, I I you know, it it's it's it's different. It like it's it's more than just addressing my brother and sister. Okay. It's i involves restoring cultural connections, strengthening community relationships, reclaiming language and tradition and creating space for safety, dignity and belonging. That's why I think sometimes we become so vulnerable when we have someone who comes in as a spiritual person. and and they bastardize everything because because we're so susceptible. We're we're we're ripe for the picking. and again, too, for any apostasing, missionary work, conversion conversion therapies and shit like that, 'cause you know, like we're we're so vulnerable to people for cult leaders. Any cult. Understanding the complexities of genocide trauma is an important step towards healing. Marina Crane (14:20.94) resilience and wellness for future generation. Let's take a stand together and start talking. We can we cannot be silenced. Generational trauma is different than any other trauma. And and I'm glad I came aco up across this because it is true. Everything I talk about in terms of even the lateral violence when it comes to being indigenous. So so the the topic was like I'm seventy four, I have a my house. This house was given to me by by my mother. when I was in my earl my late teens I I ran away to Vancouver. and again I came I was sexually assaulted at nineteen by serial rapists who were in my community. Now the reflection of like, my goodness, my brother might not be my brother. like it's just the reality of how people saw sexual activity or or you know, raising families. but I I'm not trying to take away the fact that sexual assault is is like there's no place in the sense of it being normalized. But but in some cases, because of rape culture it it is seen that way. and and unless you actually talk about it and dismantle it or even talk about what is restorative justice, then then we're we're basically leaving it up to somebody to interpret it for us. And that's what I say we we're more vulnerable. And and so for example, like I said, I was I was going to high school. I went back to high school when I in my late teens and because there was no money to go to education, I had to go through the public system. And but and I did write the first proposal for the first daycare center through provincial funding. And then by the time I was twenty four I helped my late mother do a proposal for a detox treatment center. And again the money came in from the federal government. So so as these things are happening, like I'm I'm trying to find a place to stay in my community. So that's why I created these the these grant help to get these grants. So there'd be home there would be houses that the daycare and the detox treatment center would would house. But they needed janitors and so each time I did this was writing a request to the chief and counsel if I could stay in these homes where I could be the janitor and look after the the Marina Crane (16:48.77) the the building. I wasn't asking for a job at management or any staff in in in the daycare or the treatment center. It was I was just wanted a place to live and take care of and you know one part of the the place to be mine. But they said no. And they created a policy that any indigenous woman fifty five years and younger who had no dependents could not apply for a house until after she was fifty five. Now I don't know when that changed. It could have been ten years ago. It could have been fifteen. I don't know, but it's it's something that's burned in my my the etches of my mind because even the house I'm living in was gifted to me by my late mother and I took care of her for over ten years. again too, a lot of times a lot of the seniors who were sick like my mother, they they were getting home care like huge amounts of money to take care of their families. But But I was giving given nothing. It wasn't until six months before my mother passed away that they started giving me money because I was had to give her catheters every day. And so so anything that I've tried to get in terms of of just a place to stay has has been really difficult. And you know, one of one of my cousins says, I've known you for twenty years, you haven't had a job. Like I was director of education at Sutita. And like I said, when leadership tries to gr ha tried to groom me, to transfer me out of my manager's job to another manager's job, I I refused because I knew what nepotism was and I wasn't about to be groomed by someone who I wasn't even related to, but, you know, was a chief and he's around my age. I mean, like when I say I'm single, I've never been in a relationship, never had children. I've I've rejected quite a lot of men. Okay, so it's not like this isn't my first rodeo type of thing. So, you know, when when I'm approached that that, you know, I'm gonna get this job, I said, no, I'd sooner settle a court and and get paid that way. And and from that time on I I just the I was just sort of shunned and wasn't allowed to be in management because as long as that Marina Crane (19:13.912) head chief was the one who I rejected then like because I refused to obey him. and I and it's the same thing too even within families, like or even within social structures. and again a lot of the lateral violence even when I would warn people about Nathan Chasing Horse and they just found that I wasn't credible. again too, that's again part of lateral violence because Like I said, I took w like one of the s there were serial rapists, two of them. The one died at twenty nine, and the other one he's still alive, but he served time. I took him to court, he served time. But it it's the it's the the the women they married, their children and their siblings and relatives who shunned me. And and so even when my brother my Mormon brother and sister shunned me, that's okay. I've been shunned most of my life because I'm female and I chose to be single. like I said, my sister thinks I'm gay because I don't I don't have children. mind you again, even when people accuse me of chasing Nathan chasing horse. Again where where is my trap line? If I if I was of such sexual orientation I would have had many female lovers or or I would have had many male lovers. So when I say I haven't been sexually active in fifty years, the proof is in the pudding. And the reality of it is because I lived in a closed community where ever like a living in a small town, it it's it's a little different than living in a small town because in a small town you can leave and move. but in in a in a indigenous community, Metis inuit or or First Nations. And you die here. So it's it's a harder struggle in the sense that people know you. And and hopefully it as you get older they there's more respect in it. And that's that's what I think my whole premise in in doing my podcast to is knowing that that young people in my community respect me. and again you have to respect yourself first. Marina Crane (21:41.876) And and and like my late mother used to say, love yourself. So when upon talking with my brother this morning, he said, I'd like to see a DNA test for for our for this this other brother. And it and and I laughed because this is the first day and the first time I'm even even acknowledging this, because you I just never even thought that he might not be my brother. as the fry bread Burns, my goodness, the drama and the whole you know I'm the oldest female and I so I took care of all of my siblings to help my parents out. So you know, I just I'm sorry. When I talk about relationships and and just my perspective and trying to understand the way young people talk, and I say if the baseline is bisexuality and and so you're you're you're coming from a point of view, okay, if the baseline is by is bisexuality and and people get into relationships and and when women get get abused at at what point where there's equality when both partners don't abuse each other and and so when we're saying the baseline is bisexuality And and the baseline is like there's a mutual understanding that you're going to be sexual with each other. The mutual understanding is that s at some point in your life, we don't know how long, maybe five, ten, twenty years, you'll outgrow each other and and seek other sexual partners. That's the nature of being human. Okay, so again, for whatever reason, this whole this whole need to talk about sexuality especially when it comes to men having sex heterosexual men having sex with with men. Doesn't make them homosexual. The whole notion of bisexuality and the notion of having a baseline so that you can s put yourself in that position and saying, Okay, I I I can I can I understand this point because if I'm leaning this way, sure I can I can see that. Because y you have to be open minded about it and and Marina Crane (24:08.718) take into consideration these things that that human beings are going through. Again, like my brother said, back in the day it was different. Today we have to have these conversations. We do. And and the reality of it is, you know, I I was like I said, I had a white friend. I like I tell you, I I I do not trust white women. Even when I had this white friend since the pandemic And she ghosted me. It's it's just the reality. And when I've talked to her and she's told me about her sexual life as a white woman and her friends, like her friends, she says, I have fr married couple, they they their birth control is abortion. like it's such a privilege. like and again, I I like for me I see it that way because like when you're in a sexual relationship and you're and the and you're not both using birth control but you're using every time the woman gets pregnant, the spouse p approves for her to go and get an abortion. I like that kind of dialogue. I d I'm sorry, but but you know, like I said, i the baseline is bisexuality. So when I hear stories about grinder, the grinder culture where men are hooking heterosexual men are hooking up with men at conferences To have sex with men. And then even understanding the dynamics of it, the naivety of like like if you don't put yourself at a home base of bisexuality, you're looking at a heterosexual point of view of like how do men make love with each other? See, you have to have some form of baseline to to look at it and say, okay, they they want to experience what it is to be submissive because all the time in having intercourse with a woman the woman is submissive and and again too how submissive to the point of is is it coercive? Because if it's coercive then the poor woman has never really experienced an orgasm or even have had safety the sense of safety in in in having intercourse. Marina Crane (26:32.258) The these these things might seem like that doesn't happen in modern days. No, the conversation needs to be spoken to. Because like like I had a a female white friend and l like hold let me put it this way. It's not that I don't trust all white women. There are some white women, bless their hearts, like like b like Barbara. She passed away. And and she'd say she'd say to me, Marina, when I counsel white women This is a white woman saying this. She was a forensic nurse. She says When I when I talk to white women, she says I I talked to them about like their first their first the first night they got married on their honey that night, she s some women were raped by their husbands. Some some women caught sexually transmitted diseases the first time they had intercourse. Some some women that's haul all they believed was rape was was the natural way of of making children. A lot a lot of the submissiveness or the the lack of sexual education for for white women from her point of view when she's talking to me, I thought was horrific. Es especially too when I've heard stories of white women screaming in the delivery room because it was so painful. And and so for me, I again like from an indigenous perspective, I'm going, I I didn't see that because Again, indigenous women aren't talking either. Again, because who's who's teaching healthy human sexuality? And and and what is so taboo? So so even talking about hypersexuality, that's still a taboo in all cultures. And and talking about limerence as well, that's also taboo. Yet yet it's important to have these discussions because if you're that vulnerable and that naive, and and for some reason maybe you have a disability that makes you prone to this vulnerability. You do have to have the ability to talk to someone and ask questions. Because if you don't then how free are you in in your sexuality? And and so that's why when people talk about freedom, what is freedom like for women and men? Because Marina Crane (28:57.868) Because the the notion of having and enjoying yourself, your body, your sexual pleasure, because this is the life you chose, that that that in itself is very profound because a lot of people do not have that. For for some reason they they just don't or or for some reason they think they have and they really don't. Much like I thought my brother was my full brother, realizing he might not even be my father's son. as the fry bread burns I talk about shit like that with my friends and you know, whenever we're like the older I'm seventy four, so you gotta understand even even the grandmothers who would when we were young, they always had this saying, As the fry bread burns or as the bannock burns, because you know, my parents used to say it ain't over till you're six feet underground and and my cousin was saying She says, yeah, my my her she had a younger brother who passed away and she says, he used to say everybody horny, everybody horny. Like he was making fun of people just being sexually you know wanting sex. And and I said to my cousin, yes, even fruit flies are horny. So, so you know, the very fact that we're sexual beings, like and the fact that we feel shy or inhibited to talk about about our bodies is another thing and even too like in during the sexual revolution or even the the book The Joy of Sex or like I you gotta understand, I didn't even know people had access to pornography until like three years ago. Okay, three three or four years ago. It was during the pandemic and I'm going, What? And and how I came across it was through I think TikTok or some some social media where they were talking about like only fans. I didn't even know about that either. So here I am a senior getting educated about human sexuality and I'm going, What? You know, like like you know it it just amazes me. And so that's why when when I have an opportunity to talk to older women that are grandmothers or even even younger women who refuse to be in relationships. Marina Crane (31:21.24) There there's a hell of a lot of women in general who who are just refusing to have any any type of sexual partner. And and again too, you know, as as our bodies change, like I said, it's one thing to understand childhood behavior, but it's another thing to even understand yourself after the age of fifty, because our bodies are not regenerating as much as they used to. and and anything else just sort of is downhill. But but again to like I like I said, the whole reality of what happens to men, the male body. Like I I don't mean to sound very ignorant or naive but but I'm just one person. Imagine we live in a planet of eight billion people and and for the life of me how many of the eight billion actually know about human sexuality. A a lot of times when when I think about things like starving children, when my parents came back from South America and India and they saw all these starving children and then later on I realized that they're so poor that the parents would put them up and sell them in human trafficking. And and you think it's happening in in India or or someplace in China or in Vietnam or in South America in some you know some you know, slum slum home. it isn't it it it's happening right in our own backyards. And and so understanding the the vulnerability, like when I say intergenerational trauma, it's it's made us vulnerable. And and and for n no fault of our own, like like Why didn't I ever question if my brother was actually my brother? It just you know, it didn't even didn't even click in my mind that he couldn't be my brother. Yeah, so I'm having a hard time getting my my my mind around that. But but it it does it does make a hell of a lot of sense too. And the fact is like I can talk about my aunt or you know, claims that, you know, all of my uncle's children he's only got one. Marina Crane (33:46.83) You know, the whole reality of as we grow up and our genetics show that like who re who we are related to comes out in our features. So, yeah, it's it's it it's amazing. And and and again too, maybe this b brother the way he treats all of us is because he he he's figured it out. And and maybe that's why he's struggling with his mental health. Anyway, on another note, when I this morning I woke up and I also thought about closure. And it's been like April, like April, May, June, July, August, five months since the sentencing of Nathan Chase Norris. So in March in March was the first time I went down to Las Vegas. And and I thought about it, because now it's been like six months, and I thought No, the way things happened were meant to happen this way. I was meant to to have support going down to Las Vegas. It it I I was meant to have a a man accompany me to Las Vegas to witnessing the sentencing of Nathan Chasing Horse. I don't think it would have been as profound if it was a woman that traveled with me. And and it didn't really occur to me until this morning as I'm thinking about it and Because like I I had a prayer ceremony with with Lynette and Sierra and the fellow that had accompanied me wanted to take pictures and I said no, I said I've thought about it and I thought I've thought, no, th this this Nathan represents a male harming females. If I have a male coming into this prayer circle, it's not gonna have the same impact if it's just women. And and again the whole notion of like Marina Crane (35:45.334) oxytocin hormones, all that comes into play in in women healing from from sexual trauma. And and the notion that that if if there was a woman there witnessing it, it would be totally different. But I had to put the boundary down and I had to have some separation from male and female. And and that it ri it it was a female it's a female ritual and ceremony to to empower other other women. And and even like today when I'm thinking about it and I I was thinking, no, the closure was important because it's not just the closure of Nathan Chasing Horse. It was the the reality. I spent twenty years not not like obsessed every day, but it was just the twenty years of of writing on my blog warning people and and every once in a while I'd get an email or something. And again, I didn't have a podcast, so I wasn't able to respond as quickly. But but it was the whole notion that that I that I took it upon myself to to do this. And and now I don't do it. Like I'm I don't have to warn people about Nathan chasing horse. And and the fact that it I was accompanied by a man who who represents a man who because these are this is a crime that men created against women. And and so I think the closure was that that here's a man who who's representing all men and and yet all men aren't as devious as Nathan chasing horse. And yet at the same time It's important for women and again this is why I say the company of women, it's important for women to face their fear because in facing your fear you get your spidey senses tingling when you see men or feel you can't trust a man. Because men no matter what culture they're from, as women we have to be balanced and ab have the ability Marina Crane (38:10.766) to use our spidey senses. Because we have to, because they're dangerous. The most dangerous man a woman will ever face is her partner. And and so for whatever reason, like however like I said, I I could confront my brother, I could do all that, but what good is it gonna do? He'll get angry, he he may come out and punch me, like violence. What does it serve? Can't change him like my younger brother says we can't change our are siblings. They they they do have their own God. And and that that's the reality of it, like to to be aware and and understand that people think a certain way and and it's okay. It's okay for them to l live a certain way. But as women, it's important for us to understand that that there's good reason to fear men. And and for me as a as an elder, a senior woman, and knowing that there are white women who are living in nursing homes who are scared of those white men in those nursing homes. And they have no choice but to live like almost captive in captive or in prison in those places because because they're they have nobody no other support. So so for me when I when I like I took care of my late mother, I protected her. I didn't know that I was protecting her against like I would protect protect her against my brother, the one the one who who he had so much hatred towards her. You know, it really makes me think he he had to have thought that he might not be a s full b that she might have had a d he might have a different father. But just the way he treated my mother, you know, the the demands he put on her, I I couldn't comprehend it. I thought it was all religiosity. But now in hindsight when I think about it and I think, no, if I wasn't here, what would he have done? What would he have done to her? And you know, I like I said, when I talked to this w white woman and she just said, I growing up I I hardly ever asked any questions about sexuality. She says, I don't know a lot of things. She's like she didn't know where a G spot was, you know, even Marina Crane (40:33.868) When I talk to people about vaginal what do they call vaginal estrogen and urinary tract infections and what it means for an aging woman to have these things in her body. Even women who are pregnant, vaginal estrogen. These these things with hormones and oxytocin, which is t a totally totally how would I put it? It's on the other side of the world when it comes to men, men and their testosterone and dopamine. Whereas women it's on the other side of the world, which is like estrogen, you know, like and because childbearing and the whole biology of of of women like bonding with their children because they have to help the child form an identity, it's it's an amazing process to be a woman and to have that type of responsibility. But then as the child grows up and starts thinking, you know I I you know, I you know, I'm I'm really You know, just talking about this and realizing me out of all my siblings, this one brother really hated our mother. Marina Crane (41:51.054) You know, and he and he'd say to her face. He'd say, I'm sealed to my family, I'm sealed to my wife in the Mormon temple. But I won't get sealed to you or our dad, he says. 'Cause in the Mormon temple, in the Mormon way of thinking, you you the whole premise is to be sealed to your parents. And it goes down in terms of the genealogy, so you get sealed from to your parents and your grandparents, etcetera. But this particular brother would make it a point to say to my mom that he refused to get sealed to her. Like how vindictive, how bitter. And the reality for me is like he hasn't talked to me in thirteen years. And the reality is that he carries that hate with him. That's why it was so upsetting what I heard today. And you know, I I you know the very fact that You know, like my my family, my brother and sister are you know, they they've just bastardized the memory of my mother. My one sister who can pass for a white woman, you know, growing up and people used to say that my mother had an affair with a white man, that's why my sister looks white. you know, they didn't realize like all of my twenty two aunts and uncle my twenty two, twenty-six aunts and uncles on my parents' side are Sioux and they've been mixing with white people for for you know, over a hundred years. That like that's that's part of our genie that's part of our our biology. But but because I live in Soutina and they don't they they don't know the relatives like how how many relatives that I have that are Dakota. I have Nakoda as well, but but it's just the the pure ignorance. Again to Sutina has a a real bias towards people of who who are mixed blood or are Metis because because again, like I say, the province of Alberta was established from northern Alberta to the south and if the Metis hadn't come down into the Treaty Seven area and started marrying within the Soutina Marina Crane (44:10.22) The Sutina wouldn't have been able to negotiate with the other tribes of Treaty 7 to get dry meat and provisions to go take it up north to northern Alberta and feed the settlers. All this is history, and yet it has to do with genoc genocidal, like the trauma, intergenerational trauma. W you know, a lot of times, yes, Indian residential schools, all that played into it. But again, too, you have to understand the whole nature of fancy boys and fancy girls. So y the reality of it is like here's my sister. if we were part of the s like I and I said like the Indian Act, the way it was set up wa was to was to groom children to be to be maids, housewives, farmhands. There w there was no indication that we would ever that we had a brain in our in our in that we had a brain or common sense. We were we were we were just created like like animals, like livestock, and we needed to be trained. So so again, the darker your skin, the more the more animalistic you were, and the lighter the skin, the more sophisticated you were, and more desirable you were. So you became like i like within the black genre of slavery, you became you know, the fancy boys are fancy girls and so when you were sold you ha you were g you were sold at at a huge price. So so again this this intergenerational trauma in terms of even within my own family where my sister would be a fancy girl because she's light she's fair skinned. And and then there's my brother who is dark skinned, but yet because they're both Mormon and the way the Mormon church teaches you is the more religiously s obedient you are to the gospel principles the more delightsome and white your skin becomes, and the more you practice going into the Mormon temple, the whiter your skin becomes. Like I know when people say, like when I say I'm Mormon and they look at me, how could you be? I'm going, look, look at all the information I can tell you about what it is their doctrine is. You know, I I I wasn't I did never went on a mission, never went into the temple. Marina Crane (46:32.853) Like I I think the premise was know your enemies. And when I was looking after my niece and she went to Catholic school and she Auntie, she says, I walked down the corridor, I could just smell body odor. You know, because again, biology and I'm going, my goodness, my poor girl's got a headache. You know, just the the differences and yet, you know, like we don't I like I I didn't the whole nature of aging and people white people having their hair start going grey at age thirty, the whole notion of trying to stay young again because there are other people in the world who are dark skinned, who d who age beautifully. Like when people see me, they don't see me as a seventy four year old. Sometimes they see me as a fifty five year old because I I don't look my age. That's just biological. That that has nothing That has to do with my genes and again I'm have the opportunity to to explain the differences. But yet at the same time when I when I look at the cult of Mormonism or the the way society is set up, that the white supremacy, all that is is part of that whole cult mentality of of what is desirable and to keep on indoctrinating people. vulnerable people to believe this it is still happening. I I wanted to also play a t recording because just recently too a lot of issues have have arisen from what's the the whole notion of white supremacy and how these these what do they call them? They came to Alberta and it had to do with Marina Crane (48:40.27) think I forget what they call them the Let's see what did they call them now? Marina Crane (48:55.246) See if I can go into this and find it. Marina Crane (49:03.446) No, it's not there, darn. But even too, you look at you look at even the Mormon church, like how much tax money the Canadians paid that were sent to Brigham Young University. Marina Crane (49:20.822) now if I can find this one and then and then read it to you because it has something to do with White supremacy if I can just Find it. let's see white nationalists. See if that comes up. Because again they have this name for it. And tracking candidates fat no, that's not it. Like I I don't know. You know, it's it's amazing to me. Maybe maybe if I play this, maybe I don't know if it can even do that. no, it it's not gonna do that. I'm sorry that I'm taking time like this. I didn't mean to do this, but let's see here. let's try. Okay, let's here's something. Maybe this is Marina Crane (50:25.164) Maybe this is a little bit better. But it it is important. Like I said, it's important that people people know Let's try was this with your Here we go. MMA gym owners, coaches ID Huh. It's not working. What do you know? Maybe if I can I'm so sorry. Let's see if I can try this again. Experts says the event exemplifies worrying overlap between martial arts and extremism. Christian Poslang, Ivan Angelovsky, Jordan Pearson, Eric Sito, CBC News, posted November 10, 2025, 4 a.m. Eastern Standard Time. Some of the country's most prominent white supremacist groups gathered in Vancouver this summer for a secret of neo-Nazi conference that also included martial arts gym owners, coaches, and trainers. Held at the Scottish Cultural Center in the city's South End, the event Was organized by a group called Exiles of the Golden Age and discussed the formation of manner buns. On the group's social media accounts, they described these as disciplined groups of men who can rebuild our world amidst the coming wreckage. CBC News's visual investigations unit obtained video of attendees and organizers entering the event. The video was gathered by the nonprofit Canadian anti hate network, Khan, which studies far right extremism in Canada. One conference speaker, a founding member of the White nationalist group wolves of Finland talked of an ongoing war in society that is both cultural and physical. Another speaker said the mannerbund formations must be based on principles that are ethnically exclusive. Feels the gathering included individuals with long-standing ties to the neo-Nazi movement and members of white supremacist nationalist group Second Sons Canada, an example of an active club previously reported on by CBC News. Marina Crane (52:23.988) Active clubs are white supremacist groups that organize combat training, often in public parks and privately owned gyms. Watch investigating a neo-Nazi conference in BC. I find it extremely alarming that there would be any extremist group or, you know, fascist fight club showing up in Vancouver, City Councillor Rebecca Bly told CBC. Any group, whose foundational premise is violence against others based on race or ethnicity is not welcome in Vancouver. Evan Balgard, Executive Director of the Canadian Anti-Hate Network said it was significant that exiles was able to bring together so many different individuals and groups in a unique event that was heavy on philosophy. The white nationalist movement used to be very fragmented and had a lot of infighting, Balgard said. The reason that we've been warning about the size and the threat of the white nationalist movement in Canada right now is because they have managed to sort of figure out a unified and coherent strategy. And they are successfully recruiting large numbers of people doing it. Decoding Folkyishness. Experts say Exiles of the Golden Age is an example of a Folkyish group, a philosophy that incorporates Germanic or Norse pagan traditions with white supremacist and neo-Nazi elements. The Exiles of the Golden Age name appears in a passage from The Lightning and the Sun, a 1958 book by Savitri Devi, a notorious neo-Nazi writer who espoused a cyclical view of history where humanity will once again enter a golden age after going through a period of darkness and decay. The Lightning in the Sun is dedicated to Adolf Hitler, whom Devi describes as the men against time and the godlike individual of our times. An advertisement for another conference organized by exiles last year invited All Men Against Time. The group's telegram channel also features pictures of a pagan ceremony to mark the changing of the seasons that included swastikas. If you see a swastika in the middle of a picture, at that point, that's Nazism, said Catherine Tibaldi. A postdoctoral researcher at the University of Luxembourg who specializes in modern white supremacist movements. Many symbols have multiple meanings and different interpretations, but some of them just become very regimented, very fixed. And this is one of them. In a speech at the Vancouver event, a conference organizer identified by Khan and verified by CBC as BC-based boxing coach Lane Palmer discussed Indo-European first principles. He said those principles are ethnically exclusive. Marina Crane (54:47.426) both biologically and spiritually. He also said, we need an ethnic religion. Amar Nathamaraz Ingum, an associate professor of religion at Queen's University in Kingston, Ontario, and an expert in extremism, said Folkyish groups like the Exiles see a fusion between their religious sense and their racial sense. In a statement to CBC News, Vancouver's Scottish Cultural Center, where the event was held, said it had been told the event was a book release gathering. We do not, and would not, Knowingly rent our venue to any group or individual that promotes reprehensible ideologies like hate in any form, including white supremacist organizations, said Darrell Carricker, the center's executive director. He said the center was reviewing its booking policies. The event also featured a display of books and a talk from the owner of Imperium Press, which describes itself as an illiberal and folky-ish press. The company publishes a number of controversial, far-right texts, including owner Mike Maxwell's The Cultured Thug. A Guide to Radical Right Wing Thought in a Book by Martin Sellner, a prominent white nationalist activist from Austria. Gym owners, trainers in attendance. In previous reporting on second sons and active clubs in Canada, CBC News spoke with gym owners whose facilities had been used by the groups for training. Those gym owners said they had no idea of the ideology espoused by the groups booking their spaces. Researchers have long warned about the infiltration of the martial arts community by neo-Nazi and white supremacist movements. Among the attendees at the Exiles event, Khan identified a number of gym owners, coaches, and trainers who serve a diverse clientele, including children. CBC's visual investigations team use social media profiles, open source information and resources such as Darkseid and AusInt Industries, searchable databases that include information pulled from the open web and past data breaches. To corroborate the findings. Lane Palmer, who was an organizer and speaker at the event, was listed as a coach at West Shore Boxing Gym on Vancouver Island. Soon after CBC reached Palmer for comment, his profile was taken down from the gym's website. Reached via text for comment, an owner of West Shore Boxing Gym said they weren't aware of Palmer's background and that he is no longer part of the gym. Marina Crane (57:03.104) Our gym promotes an inclusive and respectful environment that welcomes people of all backgrounds who respect others and our code of conduct, said co-owner Alexander Strickland. Ron Pierce, who owns the martial arts club Foundry Combat Sports in Duncan, British Columbia, was also at the event. Pierce hung up on a CBC journalist after being asked about his attendance and didn't respond to other requests for comment. In a statement posted to its Instagram page following publication on Monday, Foundry Combat Sports said, Participation in the event by any individual was personal, peaceful, and fully compliant with Canadian law. We unequivocally reject any attempt to link our facility, its ownership, or its members with hate, extremism, or unlawful conduct, the company said. In a separate statement posted Thursday, Foundry Combat Sports said it made a grave mistake by not verifying the nature of the event and that it does not support any Nazi or white supremacist beliefs. Another attendee was Carl Stornis Bliss. Co-owner of strength training company Brocker Strength Systems. He frequently trains out of Mission BJJ, a gym in Mission, British Columbia that opened in 2023, where he used to be an assistant children's coach. Stornis Bliss, identified using his distinctive tattoos, can also be seen in Instagram photos wearing a motorcycle helmet with the Nazi SS symbol on the back, and with a tattoo on his stomach of an SS Totenkopf, Death's Head, symbol. Reached by phone, Stornis Bliss denied attending the event. But a comparison of photos taken at the Exiles event and those from his personal training confirms it, as he appears at the EOTGA conference with matching tattoos and the same shirt seen in social media photos. Kieran Summers Gill, the owner of Mission BJJ, said he's blown away by the revelations about Stornis Bliss, who had told him he was attending a jujitsu seminar in Vancouver. It's crazy because my gym has so many diverse backgrounds, Indians, Filipinos, it definitely wouldn't be a place for a white supremacist to hang out. Said Somersgill, adding Stornis Bliss hadn't been coaching kids there for more than a year. Summersgill said that he told Stornis Bliss to leave the gym. Karim Zaiden, founder of Sports Polytica, a media company that specializes in the relationship between politics and sports, said CBC's findings show mixed martial arts have become the common ground between all these entities. This is the real-world proof that mixed martial arts really does serve as this common denominator amongst these various groups, said Ziden. Marina Crane (59:29.078) It suggests something far more sinister, that this is deeper and more widespread than we may have initially considered. After CBC News started reaching out to individuals spotted at the event, a post on the Exile's Telegram channel recommended attendees not respond to CBC's requests for comment. The group said in the post, there is absolutely nothing wrong with attending an event like this, or with the ideas discussed there. The RCMP would not comment on the event or individual attendees to protect the integrity of our criminal investigations and preserve our ability to investigate. Safeguarding Canadians from ideologically motivated violent extremism remains a priority. We are at war, says Conference Speaker. The Exiles Conference featured attendees from several active clubs in Canada. At least three attendees wore the uniform of the recently formed Second Sons Canada, which pitches itself as a men's nationalist club. And prominently features white supremacists among its leadership. Second Sons Canada is run by Jeremy Mackenzie, the founder of Diagolon, who this year filmed himself making a Hitler salute in a video shared on Telegram. This gathering is a kind of alliance-building exercise, said Amara Zingum. The conference was also a connecting point between Canadian groups and the international movement. The event was supposed to feature in-person speeches by two speakers: Swedish YouTuber Marcus Fallen and the American Paul Wagoner. Fallen, who has been described as a white supremacist by the Anti Defamation League, said in a video posted online that upon arriving in Canada, he was detained and questioned by border authorities before choosing to turn around. The Canada Border Services Agency declined to comment on specific incidents at the border due to privacy legislation. Wagoner is co founder of the pagan group Wolves of Finland, which has been described as a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center in the U.S. He elected not to attempt to enter Canada and also spoke virtually at the conference. Make no mistake, we are at war, Wagner said in his speech. And the war is physical in many ways for some of us, but it's also cultural and it's a war for the mind. Also present at the event were Robertson de Chisal and Josh Bruce, co-owners of the white supremacist clothing brand Vinland Bavaware, according to corporate documents. De Chisal's name was part of a prominent hack of neo-Nazi websites by the group Anonymous in 2012. Marina Crane (01:01:49.654) In a photo supplied by Kahn, he is pictured wearing a shirt of the group Vinland Hammerskins, a neo-Nazi organization. Many conference attendees were seen wearing Vinland battleware clothing. Numerous posts on the company's Telegram channel show neo-Nazi imagery, including one featuring a picture of an SS officer who worked at Auschwitz lighting a Christmas tree with the caption, The torch still burns. The days of everlasting light will come again. De Chisal did not answer CBC's questions when reached by phone. Bruce did not respond to CBC's request for comment. Evan Balbert of the Canadian Anti-Hate Network said the Exiles Conference is more proof that white nationalism is on the rise in Canada. Whether you want to judge it by the number of supporters of the white nationalist movement, by their capacity for fundraising, or by the number of people who are signing up for their more militant groups, the white nationalist movement in Canada has never been larger. Do you have any tips on this story? Please contact 6 at cbc.ca. MMA gym owners. Coaches ID'd it. Okay, so that was that was published by CBC I think in two thousand twenty five. And this the this whole thing like in Millerville, which is just half an hour from here, with these the this organization having a having a gathering, like having their gathering in Alberta. So you know, this like when I say cults and and the recruitment and you know playing on the vos most vulnerable and you talk about like tra intergenerational trauma. That's that's why even though I post I say about indigenous people, yes we understand intergenerational trauma, but when we're trying to hold a mirror to white people and saying, look, this is happening within your own society because of how vulnerable your own children have been. And and look at look at what's look look at what's developed from that. So again they're they're Marina Crane (01:04:16.002) This was like in November. Expert says eventu. So this was in November tenth, twenty twenty five that that was posted and and now it's like aug August twenty fourth, twenty twenty six. So even even having those like like having p these white supremacists being trained by by these groups, it's like Sun Second Sons Canada, th that's the group that was out here. And I you know, I I like even when they talk about like they're using pagan pagan rituals and stuff like that. It's it's again trying it's like re trying to reclaim something. and y but it's coming with a warning and that warning has to do with hate. And like even with when Nathan Chasinghorse, you know, a lot of what he did in recruiting his members had to do with hate. Like he like he he never he wouldn't sh he he when it came to white people, like he just I d I don't know. There it was it was part of his recruitment and what he did that makes it sound so sophisticated like how people run cults. So that's why when it talks about hate and and taking the most vulnerable and and recruiting them. It's it's diabolical but yet it's it's what's happening. So like I said, Sometimes it's really difficult for me to talk about systemic racism and and the the repercussions of it and how how we have to like look after our like for me it's understanding my nieces and nephews and how they have to maneuver in this society. Things are changing. I don't know what's gonna happen with the referendum in September when it when Alberta's trying to separate from the rest of Canada. Marina Crane (01:06:31.328) And yet at the same time too the chiefs of of Alberta are calling for an investigation into Daniel Smith for treason. And again too the influence from other people around the world int int like inf infiltrating social media to to you know put like sort of to drive the the stake harder in the most vulnerable. So so everybody needs to be cautious of of how susceptible we are to social media and and the fact that we need to have critical thinking skills. Like I like I said, sometimes it takes a while for any human being to just have this moment of clarity and freedom and saying, Okay, this is this is what I went through. And like I said, it might not seem have any relevance But but for me, when when you're dealing with things and it hits home and then and then the thing is over, you need to have some sort of closure. So I'm hoping at some point there'll be there'll be some sort of closure for people who have so much hate for other people that they'll come to terms with the fact that, you know, it it may have served a purpose, but it doesn't serve the good of the many. With that being said You know, I I apologize if I have made it seem like I really don't care for my brother. but like I said it's been a it's and I laugh again because I don't wanna face the reality as is you know, that's the reality that my brothers and sisters have been talking talking about all these years and I was left out of the loop. and again, you know, I don't know why, but today it was like like you know, like a wake up notice like, my goodness You know, the possibility is that he he could not he he could be not my full blooded brother. And Marina Crane (01:08:41.515) Like I've spent most of my life trying to understand the governance within my community, the reason why people behave a certain way, and and just trying to, you know, enjoy my life without having to worry about somebody hurting somebody I love. you know, and again, sometimes when it happens it's it's a hard it's hard to understand. But yet that's the way life is. The only conclusion that I have come to when it has come with an argument with my late mother was she said, Well, they have to learn the hard way and I and I've said to her, no, pe children don't need to learn the hard way. We need to have we need to have skilled people to help to help the most vulnerable. And and again too, even in terms of radicalization and racializing and and even having talk with with you know white supremacists and and you know have a good conversation about you know what what do we have in common and what are our differences. It's important because these these are young people. young people who have a whole life ahead of them and and the fact that like that they want to live like this for the rest of their life, that this is their mission in life, i it's that's a hard pill to swallow, but that's the reality of what what pov what inflation, what you know, all this cost of living has created. And it's sometimes like like I d I don't know, like I keep on saying, it's easy to pretend. It's easy to pretend, but in pretending you lose yourself. And in losing yourself you make yourself vulnerable. So have the courage to learn more about other people. Have the courage to learn more about yourself. Marina Crane (01:10:51.187) And and and I apologize again for bringing some personal family history into this podcast, but but it but it is real, you know, and it is heartbreaking as it is, you know, the the the fact is, yes, my my mother could have had a child from other th from other than from my father. But it it's it's just the nature of how hard it was to grow up in poverty. And and then to have like my brother have so much hate towards my mother. I'm grateful I took care of her. I'm grateful like that I helped her. I was I was the oldest, so I had to take care of my brothers and sisters. I had to because they there wasn't they didn't have the money for babysitters. And if the baby and the babysitters too were were, you know, like they they couldn't they couldn't look after like like all of us. We were really rowdy kids. But No, managed, grew up, lived, and now you know, now we have grandchildren. So anyway, I I know I'm making everybody depressed listening to what I'm saying, but you know, I I have no comfort. There's no comfort in me with the reality of why why I have one brother and sister who treat me so horrible. But but again, you know, You know, I I'm at the stage in my life where I just don't need to be bothered by them. And I like I had to I had to like the reason I'm involved in this is it has to do with with a place where we're gonna put my sister's house. And and the whole argument that you know, like conflict about it, I I thought that was over and had been settled when it hasn't been. And you know, like I said, I'm I'm going to leave this up to my other siblings to deal with 'cause I don't need to deal with it. I've done all that I could as the older sibling to to help take care of of my nieces and nephews. And I still am there for my nieces and nephews and and for their children as well. the moral I think of this podcast is is the whole insight that a lot of times when we are struggling with Marina Crane (01:13:19.821) Commitment to to make the world a better place. Creator sends invisible helping hands, creator, the grandfathers and grandmothers. Their will is being done even though we don't understand it or really see it. And today, like I said this morning, I just had this thought that that everything was guided. For me to go down to Las Vegas in March and April. and to have a white man witness, bear witness with me and and and guide me and take care of me and honor me, respected me and validated that everything that I did to honor my niece and my family, my community, I did what I could without even thinking that anybody even understood what I was doing, have to have closure with this to have closure and know that there is a creator, grandfathers and grandmothers that that guide us. We may not feel or understand it, but we're always hoping and protecting and thinking and realizing and asking for protection and also asking to release whatever self defeating emotional pain we carry with us. So with that I hope my listeners, I hope you understand your important Ask creator and the grandfathers and grandmothers to protect you with protective, reflective, healing energy in whatever you're dealing with and the stress you're going through. And then at the same time, ask creator and grandfathers and grandmothers to release all the C self-defeating emotional pain that you might be carrying with you. And as hard as things may seem, we we can we can we can walk forward. Marina Crane (01:15:32.045) 'Cause isn't that what karma's all about? It's an action. As my late father used to say, actions speak louder than words.

Reclaiming cultural practice and empowering young women

Here’s a clear, grounded summary of your document, drawn directly from the text you shared. I’m keeping it structured so you can use it however you need — for reflection, future podcast planning, or archiving. Summary of Your Recording (Marina 47) (With brief supporting quotes from the document as required) 1. Opening Context: Smoke, place, and gratitude You begin by describing the morning in Tsuu T’ina, the smoke over the Rockies, and thanking your international listeners. “I appreciate that you're curious about what it's like to be an Indigenous elder woman living in Canada and experience systemic racism.” 2. Sovereignty, Bill S‑63/S‑62, and child & family services You discuss upcoming legislative changes that may finally give Indigenous nations sovereignty over child and family services. You emphasize how lack of sovereignty has prevented victims from holding leadership accountable. “If we had sovereignty, she could sue the leadership for not protecting her.” 3. Pretendians, shame, and colonial grooming A major theme is Indigenous people who deny their identity due to internalized racism, colonial pressure, or mixed‑blood shame. You describe how this plays out in your own community, including relatives who passed as white or Mexican. “People who are ashamed to be Indigenous… pretend that they are spiritual or ritualistic people when obviously they’re not.” 4. Rite of Passage ceremonies for girls You explore the revival of traditional ceremonies, referencing the Brave Heart Women’s Society and Ishnáthi. You highlight the importance of women teaching girls, voluntary participation, and non‑commodified ceremony. “From the very beginning you need to put up your own teepee… you need to have that strength to house yourself.” You contrast this with colonial expectations of being paid for ceremony or relying on chief and council funding. 5. The Indian Act, systemic racism, and human trafficking You explain how the Indian Act historically categorized Indigenous people by skin tone, shaping who was groomed for servitude or exploitation. You connect this to modern trafficking risks. “The darker you are… kitchen help or farmhands. The lighter skin you are… groomed for prostitution.” You also describe a sting operation in your community: “In that time period over five thousand men hit that site because they thought they could buy a 15‑year‑old Indigenous girl.” 6. Coercive control, cult dynamics, and Nathan Chasing Horse You return to the theme of coercive control — in cults, relationships, and leadership. You describe how Chasing Horse thrived for 20 years due to leadership enabling him and failing victims. “Leadership controlled… the very fact that his followers needed to find financial help and they got it. Yet the actual victim… was never compensated.” 7. Sexuality, recovery, intimacy, and psychological wounds You weave in several audio clips about pornography, hypersexuality, affairs, and recovery. You relate these to Indigenous experiences of shame, trauma, and healing. “Freedom means the mental obsessions no longer run your life.” 8. Pain, medicine women, and spiritual experiences You share powerful personal stories: Your grandmother’s spirit lifting during ceremony Your own high pain tolerance The disrespect shown by a doctor who removed your nail without anesthetic “As long as that woman sang, my mother’s body was hovering over her bed.” 9. Revitalization of ceremony vs. misuse of spirituality You describe relatives who revived Sundance and sweats, but also those who misused spirituality for manipulation — including an uncle who convinced a young woman he could “fly.” “This is the whole problem… she obviously thought we were spiritual… and he convinced her he was this spiritual superman.” 10. History of Métis, Treaty 7, and Alberta’s formation You explain the role of Métis people in establishing Alberta, the fur trade, and intermarriage with Tsuu T’ina. “That’s how… we could exchange dried goods for material goods so settlers could survive.” 11. Genocide, disease, and demographic loss You describe the massive loss of Indigenous children due to disease and violence. “One hundred and twenty‑five million approximately… children were killed over a span of one hundred years.” 12. Your life story, education, travel, and mission You share your experiences: Seeing your first white person at age 5 Working in Fort McKay Choosing to care for your mother instead of working abroad Jogging and biking long distances Learning medicine, diabetes, and health Letting go of relationships and friendships “Whatever mission we have in our lives… whoever we bump into that’s an invisible helping hand… it’s important.” 13. Spiritual visions and global politics You recount seeing a mirage city on a hill as a child and connect it to Reagan’s metaphor. You reflect on global events like JFK’s assassination and your parents’ travels. “We saw this huge city of skyscrapers… it looked like a mirage.” 14. Empowerment, healing, and supporting victims You end with a deeply emotional reflection on supporting Sierra and Lynette during Chasing Horse’s sentencing, and the importance of young women speaking their truth. “It was so… even right now I’m crying about it… because it’s important.”

Marina Crane (00:01.518) Hello, good morning. August twenty-third from Soutina off in the city limits of Calgary Alberta, Canada. And as I look into the Rockies in the west, there is still smoke. This morning I woke up, I could see the mountains, white snow caps, but I s the smell of burnt wood was in the air. And now I can hardly see the Rockies. And that's been what only two three hours. So what are my topics today? Well first I'd like to say and thank all the people who listen from the United States, Hong Kong, France, U Pakistan or Bakistan or no Bangladesh, Brazil, Mexico, Spain, South Africa and Vietnam. Thank you for listening. I appreciate I appreciate that you're curious about what it's like to be an Indigenous elder woman living in Canada and experience systemic racism. So I just got off the phone with my cousin and again too, a lot of the things that I try to do in the my podcast is once I have a fresh dialogue of a debate or some discussion that I've had, I'd like to post it. And a lot of things that have happened and that are happening in Indigenous communities, especially when it comes to changing parts of the laws that are governed by by the government of Canada through the the Indian Act, like like there's a there is an act that's in the Parliament, I think it's called Bill S six three or six two, which is going to give sovereignty to our to Indigenous people. sovereignty rights over our child and family services. So what what is the big deal on that? Okay, so most of my podcast is talking about Nathan Chasinghorse and how he thrived for twenty years in my community. And the reality too is like in my last podcast yesterday I was talking about, you know, one of our nation members who can pass for a white woman is denying that she even has indigenous blood, even though her her brother Marina Crane (02:25.381) has been a former chief. I understand this too, this former chief, even in high school, would deny he had indigenous blood and he c he told white people that he was Mexican. And his father had this nickname, we we used to call him Coverboy because he used to have makeup, female makeup in Canada you have or in the United States you have a cosmetic makeup called Cover Girl. And he used to wear this to make his skin look whiter, much like how Trump y does his his facial tans and stuff to make himself appear, you know, again it's all performative. And A lot of times too when I talk about pretendians, I'm not just talking about people who are claiming they have indigenous blood that goes back maybe four generations ago. I'm talking about pretendians who are actually living and breathing in in indigenous First Nations or any way communities who are ashamed to be indigenous. And I and I talk about my first cousins whose fathers are white and I talk about people whose fathers are white who are social activists, which it which you know have said like, my father is racist, he'll be racist on the day he dies. Well it's the same thing too with a lot of indigenous people who grew up being ashamed, fet feeling guilty or like systemic racism, you know, the pressure to to give up and just deny their Indianess and so that's why when I talk about the Tuscany black airmen pilots of World War II and just the tenacity and the the willpower to become a pilot and just the narrative and the story like for four years and the 30,000 black men who applied and the 15,000 who became airmen. Marina Crane (04:20.928) It's an amazing story and I use that as an analogy for Indigenous youth in Canada as as artists were going through a renaissance. And even though it may trouble a lot of people of what's happening in the United States with their President Trump, the reality of it is that the the the deep we'll call it stream of life, the the like like it's like a volcano or lava coming up from the earth. there there is there there is activity and and the thing is like like just the tenacity to know that you've got a mission in life just does so much for for in individuals throughout history. So I I I've seen that with with indigenous people, young people. Mind you, as I'm growing up, it wasn't as obvious because we didn't have social media. Now why am I bringing up Nathan Chasing horse? Well, there's been a trend going on about right like rite of passage. There's rite of passage for for indigenous girls and just the whole r grooming of it. And and and I I want I'm gonna play this, but I want you also to to understand this that w and I use the example again when when Twenty years ago, when Nathan Chasinghorse started started, we'll say like he's like a vampire coming into a community and drinking blood and and and making more vampires. When when he came in and he started sexually assaulting girls, there was one girl who was 14 when she met him, and he took her three times, sexually assaulted her. Right from the get go, she she tried to make the authorities aware of what he was capable of. And she wasn't she never joined his cult. She never was promised to be one of his wives. He didn't try grooming her. He he you know, she just stood her ground and wanted justice. Now I say in the in hindsight, like our former chief enabled Nathan to thrive here by paying the rent of the followers that were in his cult for 20 years, even promoting fundraising and stuff or Marina Crane (06:44.108) people giving donating money to Nathan Chasinghorse every month like like the Mormons do in tithing. Now what is why all this? Why am I talking about this? Well because if we had sovereignty over our child and family, this young woman, the one who he initially targeted, when she like she's never gonna see her day in court, but she did appear on the Fifth Estate two years ago and she had to get a court release so she could tell her story. Was never a cult follower, didn't drink the Kool-Aid. She knew he had sexually assaulted her. He had taken video pictures of her. All this was documented. All this she submitted to the tr to the police. And by 2015 was banished from Soutina. Now, all this is happening like in 2007, 2006. Now, even to this day, leadership still is helping the followers that were involved in his cult. And again, too, my whole thing is because we don't have sovereignty. So what does it all have to do? Well when people are elected into council, and again this is a colonial state. Okay, this isn't a sovereign state, it's a colonial state, that they swear to protect the most vulnerable, that's women and children. However, they fail to do that with this one victim. And I'll her name is Nikki. If if if we had sovereignty, she could sue the leadership for not protecting her. But we don't have sovereignty, and we we won't we won't until this part of the Indian Act is changed, coming up hopefully this year or by next year. And and that will give us the right to have sovereignty over our children. Now, when leadership takes over this responsibility and something like this happens where the the local leadership enable a predator to thrive in our communities at the expense of a victim like Nikki, she I believe will have. Marina Crane (08:47.296) Every opportunity to sue leadership for not protecting her. Okay, again, that's a that's a a narrative. That's my opinion, that's what I think sovereignty is all about. And and for that reason too, a lot of the things that are happening and have been happening in terms of pretendience, and these are people who have never been raised in the cultural ways, either because one of their parents are white, or they've been ashamed to be indigenous, and in order to hide that. That shame they they pretend that they they are spiritual or ritualistic people when obviously they're not. And we we'll use an example of the rite of passage for girls. it's a program that like it's part of the white buffalo calf woman's process of the seven rituals that she handed down to the seven council fires of the Sioux Nation. Now they're trying to revive a lot of this stuff, and one of my cousins said they they had the ceremony in her community. However the you know, just the people who attended and who they sponsored and how money was was given, even though she didn't want to sponsor them, the the because leadership enabled this program to happen. I said, well they're doing this because they don't have sovereignty and if something happens with the presenters, if the presenter it becomes a predator and you know and the child is hurt in such a rite of passage ceremony, the the child and the family can sue the organizers or can su sue the leadership for for not protecting them. Now that's that's going to be something new to see, something positive well I shouldn't say it's it's it's a theory, it's my opinion. But but again too, you know we we don't even have right now we don't even have the right to have emergency shelters for our children or group homes for our children in our communities and I'm saying Marina Crane (10:50.542) First Nations anyway in Metis, because a lot of the money that comes into child and family comes in from the federal government to the province, and the province has policy with within First Nations. And so when children are apprehended, they're immediately bust off or s or schooled off to the cities, to the air urban areas. And of course, yes, they've tried relatives to foster and there's been abuse cases with that as well. But it's all stemming from this whole Indian act of like how Indigenous people are so weak minded that we can't look after our own children, or that we're so weak minded that we're not good slaves. So they have to create an act, the Indian Act, to groom us, to be, you know, by skin color. So the darker you are, the more you're prone to be like kitchen help or farmhands. And the lighter skin you are, then you become a fancy boy or fancy girl, which you're more groomed for, like prostitution and like again the prize, the pretendian, the noble. savage. Like they you know, white settlers, you know, all that mythology, all that Disneyland, Wild Wild West, that that that is the creation of that. And again, with that comes human trafficking. So I've talked about that in my podcast, but the reason I wanted to talk about Rite of Passage for young girls is is the whole nature of what sovereignty and what being a you know having a backbone. My late father used to say things about, no, that person doesn't have a backbone. The the reality of it is that person doesn't have a backbone in in the sense of saying that person is ashamed to be indigenous. And and even if they are elected into positions of power does not mean that psychologically they're mentally well. I know, like I said, you know, our former chief is charged with two historical counts of sexual assault. Marina Crane (12:46.754) like excuse me, I've grown up with this I've grown up here. I know the different things about about coercive control and lateral violence. I'm gonna play you this tape and then I've got a other a few other tapes that I that I have have seen or have put through. But I but I particularly want to this is called Four Days Nights, a girl's coming of age ceremony. Marina Crane (13:16.418) You know, many people have called into our series The Hidden World of Girls with their own stories about rites of passage. The Kitchen Sisters, Davia Nelson and Nikki Silva, followed up on a call about the Brave Heart Women's Society in South Dakota. And they bring us a story about the Ishnati coming-of-age ritual. Hi, my name is Brooke Spotter Digol. I belong to a women's society on my reservation in South Dakota, the Brave Heart Women's Society. My mother is one of the founding grandmothers who brought it back to life. I saw the Hidden World Pearls and think this would be an amazing opportunity to share with other native women a Yush Nazi coming of age ceremony for our girls. Thanks. Childhood was really rough, lost and floating and drifting and just trying to survive. Didn't feel like I had a place on earth. My name is Marissa Joseph. I'm 21. I live in Yihangtawan territory in South Dakota. I was adopted, was a newborn. A large part of my life I was kind of disbalancing between family members. I was a pretty strong alcoholic in my early teens and just on a really bad path. I didn't know who I was and what I was looking for and what I needed and had really wanted to to not live anymore. In the summer of my fourteenth year now at Dosh Nantesen, I felt like I was found. In the Braveheart Society a long time ago, the women would retrieve the dead from battlefield and do what they could to help the family. In a way, we're doing the same thing, bringing back our people from emotional death. My name is Faith Spotted Eagle. We're in Lake Andes on the Ehongtu homeland near the Missouri River. It was in 1994. We went around three or four states and we interviewed grandmas. We asked them what they remembered of Ishanti coming of age. In the old days, as soon as a girl Marina Crane (15:19.6) got her first moon, her first menses, the family would take them immediately and you would isolate yourself from the rest of the camp and they would begin teaching it. So we symbolically set up one camp a year and we have the girls come in for four days. One over to the north. Bring it back one over to the north. Yeah. Yeah. From the very beginning you need to put up your own teepee, your own lodge, you need to have that strength to house yourself. Where's your daughter? On the girls' TVs you have to have thirteen poles. We use thirteen poles because we have thirteen moons in the year. That's why we call it a rain camp because it's a special time for women to learn about themselves. The rain's coming. These four days it's their sacred time. The girls can't feed themselves, they can't touch food, they can't drink water themselves. The mother or the auntie or whoever they bring with them has to do it for them. I was like, my god, I don't wanna do this. Your mom has to feed you and give you water and I just didn't like my mom. These four days it's treating them like a baby one last time before they become young women. The feeding, it became kind of a little heartbreak, that bittersweet feeling because no longer will she be my little girl to feed anymore. You really began to start the foundation of what that adult relationship is with a mother and a daughter. I'm Shree Sohar. I didn't have this, you know, when I became of age. Growing up at a boarding school, they came from the BIA and took us and I must have been five. I'd never seen my mom and my grandma and grandpa for nine years. They assigned us a little first grader and we had to teach her English. I'd brain her hair and take care of her. Then they'd switch everybody all around again and I'd get another little girl and they wouldn't let us get close to each other. Every year I I try to teach what I know, bring that back to recreate that feeling that I felt. Marina Crane (17:19.468) This year I taught them how to make ceremonial food, the bapa, which is dried buffalo meat, then they pick buffalo berries. They'll gather sage. And over here, wahai cheetah, the woman's medicine. Men can't go to the girls' camp. Little boys can, like baby Jay who is still pretty young, goes in the morning and and sings to them and wakes them up. My doctor's name is Oyate Yushkipi, that means the people are happy to see him. This is like my second year watching the fire. That love and acceptance song. We worked hard on that. We were like singing it at night, playing TV and You just have to start singing it over and over again until you get it stuck in your head. I just don't know when the hey hey part so we talked to them about modesty and courtship, pregnancy and suicide. And not being afraid of doctors and having to get a checkup. Sexual abuse and incest can pose a huge problem within families. And we're always talking about this concept of a camp circle. We can't be attacking each other and doing this mean girl stuff. Come on, everyone, get up and dance. Don't be shy tonight. Quite standing by the door. Hit the floor. Young and old girls play. Marina Crane (18:55.534) My name is Madonna Thunderhawk. As a grandmother, I just wanted to come and spend a few hours. This is part of what I need to do. At one time all of this was underground. We only got the Native American Freedom of Religion Act in the late 70s. Up until that time it was federal law that Indian people couldn't practice their sun dances and ceremonies. So we had to stand our ground to have these things out in the open again. When I went to Ishati, my grandmother gave me the name Wamadi Khotalia. It means great ego woman. My sister has a really awesome name and it's Stand Strong Woman. She's the baby girl and she's lived a hard life as well and she's been able to stand strong. It only seems befitting that you would change your name with where you are in your life. The Braveheart Society, these grandmothers, this connection with these girls that I had made. This is my sixth year into it. It's like I'm a six-year-old trying to live a new life. So I'm still pretty new to a lot of things. The Hidden World of Girls is produced by the Kitchen Sisters and mixed by Jim McKee. You can see a slideshow from the Ishnati Ritual and the Braveheart Women at NPR.org. And you can also tell us your story by calling 202-408-9576. It's morning edition from NPR News. I'm Steven Skeep. Okay, so again, like a like like you heard, in the seventies, everything was kept underground and nobody practiced these things again because you could be put into prison. I mean it's just like you know, parents who didn't want their children to go to Indian residential schools were were put in jail. Like my grandfather spent I think a a night in jail because my you know, his children were sent off to boarding school. So a lot of things that I I do try to talk about in terms of healthy human sexuality is is just based on my my own experience. But but I do know that it's important to have these these ceremonies for young women and it's important for indigenous women like to Marina Crane (21:12.086) to be there like this young woman saying this is her sixth year. It's important for for young women to participate. And in Sutana, like I said, there there is a group of young women who've been helping each other for the past twenty years. And and you know, and again they have children, they have young girls, so it'll be interesting to see them do rite of passage ceremony for their daughters as they become women. Which which is gonna be not that far off. I laugh because that's my niece's daughter. She's just a a beautiful young a beautiful ch girl. So why is this important? Well I think a lot of times w like when I'm talking with my cousin, she says she says my program shouldn't have to pay for these people to like for the gifts and the ceremonies for this this coming of age ceremony. And like like like you heard, you know, they they the girls are made responsible to put up the TP, thirteen TP polls. All this has done has done voluntarily. There's no coercive control in terms of saying, Well we're all we're getting money and sponsored Do this. But but it seems like people who are ashamed to be indigenous or still have to come to terms with the fact that you when they say to sacrifice, it means you give of yourself freely. So so even in the wiping away tears ceremony and the rituals with the Oshati Shakoi, you know, you make everything, like the giveaway. It's made, it's not bought, because you're doing this is like the last thing you're doing for the person you love. But at the same time, too, with the rite of passage ceremony. ceremony, you're doing these things like even having the teepee and the food and even feeding the child yourself. You're not paying someone to feed your child. And and that again is colonial construct when you have when you have people, especially in Canada, you know, who depend on chief and counsel for money to, you know, be paid to have ceremony. Marina Crane (23:18.178) When a lot of the times you you have to really just fundraise yourself, make the money yourself, do this for yourself because you're doing it for the people you love. Now, again, that has to do with spirituality and sovereignty. But because we've been so conditioned and groomed to cow down or bow down to the Indian agent or the white government, the province with child and family. W like I said, you know, a lot of women have chose not to get married because they didn't want to lose their status. And and so if a indigenous woman married had a child from a white man, her her her son or daughter would be wouldn't be like totally indigenous, they'd be part European. And again too, you know, the it's the reality too is that our men could marry white women and those white women would get automatically full status. Even though they have no indigenous blood and be considered indigenous. Now, the one lady who is claiming she's not indigenous because her mother is white and her her father was mixed blood, because her grandmother was mixed blood. But the but the reality of it is the shame of being indigenous. Like that that's why I do my podcast because that whole indoctrination or grooming of fancy boys and fancy girls really hit a nerve. And the reality of it is like being ashamed of a product of prostitution or in terms of religiosity that you're a bastard or a bitch. Again, these are terms that humans give to dogs, but yet that's how they treat indigenous children. again, we're we're talking Indian agent and just the reality of like You know, why educate an ind indigenous person? That's the attitude. And and I jokingly you know, like I to me to me I I I felt it. I've I've I felt it. I apologize to my audience who are curious and you know, have the like such I'm I I'm really grateful that you listen. Now there's there's also difference too like Marina Crane (25:42.434) We'll start off we'll start off too with w like there's a couple of things that I wanted to bring forward. and I don't know if if it's important but Like even talking about the toxicity of alcohol, men's bodies versus women's bodies, control, coercive control, when people have affairs, pornography, and there's this new thing about one penis policy and also sexual recovery and equ and the way people are attracted to each other. So let's see what would I I think I think the whole point too is toxicity of alcohol. Like the fellow is talking about a tea s a tablespoon of alcohol, like that a person like if they consume that, but in a but in a week it's like you know, a regular bottle of water, that's how much the average person drinks. So I'll I'll let you listen to this because again the biology of indigenous people, we we weren't we were hunters and gatherers. We didn't have livestock and We didn't the we didn't catch the diseases of the livestock. But at the same time too, like I said in England, they didn't have water. And because of that, I think a hundred years they just drank alcohol. So there had to been a whole bunch of fetal alcohol syndrome children born. And and again this whole mentality of like who is smarter and who like all like all that privilege, you know, has an effect on society and then they bring it over to the to the Americas and and again a lot of indigenous people, because like in the s from the seventies onward, well especially in Canada, in the United States th there was a little sooner. Marina Crane (27:28.496) And again too in Canada most most fancy girls and fancy boys th because they could pass for white could could go into bars or liquor stores and and you know, get get alcohol. And and so a lot of times you in terms of human trafficking, though those are the ideal people that that people would target for prostitution. I'll play this on alcohol. This is how much alcohol is toxic to your body. And And I'm not too sure why it's not coming out. It should come out. Let's try it again. Sorry about that. See if we can do this. heck. Heck, it's not working, but let's see if I can make it a little less. And this is how much an average person drinks per week. That's a bottle of water. And here are five terrifying facts about alcohol that should make you think about drinking alcohol in the future. Number one is alcohol destroys your skin and accelerates aging. So number two is alcohol is actually a group one carcinogen. It's been linked to seven different types of cancer, just like cigarettes. Number three, for those that want to lose weight, alcohol actually stops you. From burning fat. Number four, alcohol actually causes your brain to shrink in terms of its mass. And number five, and the most important, the average drinker of alcohol actually loses about 14 years of their life. So basically you're paying money to die early. So make sure you send this to someone who could benefit from watching this video. This is how much alcohol is That's a tablespoon, okay. So again, like I said, I I can count how many times I've drunk ha you know consumed alcohol in in a social setting. a lot of people will look at me and going, Well, I don't believe you. Well that's your your your problem, not mine. now the the whole thing too about like when people when people like a hypersexual Marina Crane (29:46.55) And even the whole nature of hyper sexuality and intimacy, like I played that in a previous video, but but I'm going to play this this one tape here that talks about sexual recovery. Because I I think a lot of times people don't really get the gist of just how addictive things things happen when you're you're really not even like aware of it, but but first we'll start off with porn because again people have to understand this I argue that watching pornography is a type of defeat and surrender. Alu says that modern romantic love is increasingly described as words such as pleasant, intimate, quiet, comfortable, sweet, tender. These are qualities that are coded as feminine. But Hahn says that feminization doesn't quite get to the heart of what's happening. He claims that love has been positivized and domesticated. maybe domesticated from the wild. Historically, Eros contains the dangerous. There's a distance in mystery. There is the experience of the other, a longing, uncertainty, and definitely vulnerability. There's the transformation that happens and the possibility of being wounded. The erotic encounter isn't s oops. I is it's because we encounter someone that cannot be completely controlled or misunderstood, the area of passion and blood where those who there will experience pleasure and pain, bitter, sweet and bitter honey, the sweet wound of contrast contemporary has to remove the negativity and it becomes something that is safe, comfortable, predictable. And even you look into okay, so Marina Crane (31:54.028) She's talking about like there there's more to to the anger of it, I think. But I'm I'm gonna try and I don't know for what reason why it stopped why okay, let's see. It's it's amazing like I like I technology, that's all I can say, excuse me, but and I don't edit as much as I should with these podcasts and again I apologize, but let's let's try and see when we're talking about porn. and blood, where those who dare will experience pleasure and pain. Bittersweet, the bitter honey, the sweet wound. By contrast, contemporary culture has removed this negativity. Love becomes something that's safe and comfortable, predictable and even consumable. If you look in my comments you'll see that men are angry that women aren't there, And women look at men like they need to step up their game, and both are operating from a place of pain and narcissism. And now we're in this dual standoff. This hatred towards one another sounds a lot like a self-righteous position, as if to demand women to do their duty or for men to up their game. But really it's a thinly veiled attempt to hide a broken heart. Instead of stepping back into the arena and daring to be heard again. We cower, we recoil, we retreat to the safety of pornography. Browsing spectacles intimacy rather than w that with we participate. It's a stimulation to intimacy in which no one can reject us or disappoint and ask any from pornography becomes what up to surrender because people are w it's an escape from the very thing that intimacy demands, which is courage. Marina Crane (33:55.794) is pornography becomes the time it becomes destruction of Enos. Yeah, so I I know I tried to get I don't know like I said, I apologize for the for the sound it it that's that's happening here. So Marina Crane (34:23.862) Okay, so here I want to do this one and we'll see how this goes here. Marina Crane (34:32.426) Again, I don't know why it's not coming up in my in my speakers, but we'll try again. Hopefully hopefully it it it works. Marina Crane (34:52.844) Sorry. I wish I had some sort of transcript that I could just read from so you wouldn't have to feel like you have to participate in it. Let's try this. And this has to do with I don't know, which one should I do? Control. Okay. let's see here. Here this one. We'll do this one. Ha. Again. What's happening? Same level of psychological wound as you. bad. You also leave people where if you evolve out of that and they haven't been able to. Wow. So you think we attract people based on our psychological wounds? Hundred percent. Wow. And as we start to heal and grow, if the other person's not healing and growing, we kinda pull away. Mm-hmm. Wow. That explains every relationship you've ever had. Why you're still in some relationships and why you're no longer in other relationships. Why you may never see that person ever again. This is so true. Listen to this. You meet people on the same level of psychological wound as you. are. That's by manifest.de d al or d-a i dot ly. And that's on Instagram. Now Marina Crane (36:30.028) affairs commonly offer and none of them are what you think they are one no history no accumulated disappointment a self that hasn't been evaluated or failed yet two aliveness without negotiation the intensity of being new to someone before the weight of shared obligation settles in and three Desire without caretaking. A place where need can be met without first managing the other person's reaction to that need. As Esther Perel has observed, many people don't leave their partners to find someone else. They leave themselves and find a way back through another person. The affair partner is less a person than a mirror for a disowned or lost sense of self. The intensity comes not from the other person, but from the sudden return of vitality or agency or desirability. Sadly, because it's all built on secrecy, it can't be integrated. The very conditions that make it intoxicating ensure its eventual destructiveness. I'm Anna Lisa. Right mirror in the comments. And her handle is fluid intimacy. That's her p what she does like for her her her presentation here. and again too, like like again when I when I'm I'm not an expert on affairs, but again, a lot of the stuff that people get themselves into when it comes to like not like everybody outgrows each other. This whole fallacy of happily ever after for eternity, that's a fallacy. Does not work. So again, let's do sexual recovery. Marina Crane (38:39.596) You can spend every day fighting urges and telling yourself that this is what recovery is supposed to be like. That may be abstinence, but it's not freedom. Freedom does not mean you never have another sexual thought. You're still gonna have sexual desire. You may notice attractive people, you may occasionally experience an urge. Those things are normal. Freedom means the mental obsessions no longer run in your life. You're not waking up every morning fighting with yourself. You're not spending every day, every evening trying to stop Doing the one thing you promised yourself you would stop doing. That is what began to change for me. The obsession lost its power. Staying sexually sober became easier. Not because pornography disappeared from the world, and not because I became more disciplined than everybody else. It became easier because I no longer needed it in the same way. That's the difference between abstinence and freedom. You can spend every day fighting urges and telling yourself that this is what recovery is supposed to be like. That may be abstinence, but it's not freedom. Freedom does not mean you never So again too, like when I talk about abstinence, like I've been abstinence for fifty years, but but in terms of recovery or just what it felt like, like like understanding freedom. And so when I talk to older women and I talk about freedom, I think a lot of times they really don't get it because they've never had the opportunity to to un experience freedom as much as as as say as some other women. And I and I think a lot of it has to do with with coercive control. where where they've been in relationships where, you know, their partner has controlled them, especially when when if you're in a a relationship where you've legally been married but the the your spouse is having children outside of your marriage and you still remain married to the individual. Marina Crane (40:31.474) Again too like for some religious construct like say in Mormonism, you know, a woman cannot get into the kingdom of heaven unless she's sealed to her priesthood husband. And and like the abuse you know, when they talk about polygamy and now it's outlawed, but they still like I said, you know, women being coercively controlled to stay into a relationship where they have to listen to you know, their partner rather than experiencing freedom. Coercive controllers install beliefs. The coercive controller replaces what the target believes with what they need the target to believe, and they do it over years. Families and professionals call that brainwashing. But brainwashing names what the target ended up believing, not the operation the coercive controller executed to put it there. So picture three targets on three different fronts that look nothing alike, and watch how the coercive controller's word through deception becomes the only reliable one. In a high control group, the coercive controller's word is camouflaged as revelation. In a marriage, it's camouflaged as love. And in a workplace, it's camouflaged as experience. Separately, each looks like a person who was simply persuaded, but together they're one operation, indoctrination, executed inside the influence campaign serving the goal to entrap them. Every other source of truth made unreliable before the target noticed. What this leaves behind is the true believer, someone who agrees with, defends, and even repeats the coercive controller's words as their own. Professionals, if you assess how the coercive controller indoctrinated the target and put it into the record, that record can stop the war, hold the coercive controller accountable, and return the target's dignity and freedom. Marina Crane (42:47.852) Beyond the Bruise, my free guide for professionals is available at NCORControl USA dot com. And that's her handle in social media. So when we talk about coercive control and see what indoctrination within cults and how even people take on the persona of the the person who is charismatic or who seems to be driven by some fallacy of like empowerment. So that's why when you break the stereotypes of indigenous people, like in my lab last podcast, there was a young woman saying, I'm good yes, you know, yes, indigenous people are magical. Yes, we've been riding horses since we were babies. They strapped us on horses. Yes, we can make it rain. Yes, we have superpowers. And yes, we we live tax-free. And yes we get everything free. We live in this really nice fancy world because we're spiritual people. People. Like again, the fallacy or the systemic racism of a construct that people have created without their without really looking at the whole picture or the or to digest it. So so even though I've I've talked about Nathan Chasing horse and how for twenty years he thrived in my community, again coercive control. Leadership controlled, you know, the very fact that his followers needed to find Financial help and they'd got it. And yet the actual victim, who was never a follower, who didn't drink the Kool-Aid, was never compensated. And again, they can get away with this because under child and family law, it's a provincial policy. And does provincial policy even cover any of this? No, it's hands off from leadership. So that's a protection that leadership had. However, once they change this law and and we get our sovereignty, Then victims like Nikki can sue if if there were victims like her in the future, that there are people in my community or any community who are abusing positions of power coercively, there is a law now that people can be charged with coercive control in Canada. But once they change this law under the Indian Act for Sovereignty for Child and Family. Marina Crane (45:13.868) Like I said, when a when a woman chooses not to marry, she becomes the single breadwinner. And and when she dies and if there's no relatives to take care of her five children or however many children she has, they will be taken and put into foster care in in urban areas. And there they're targeted by by people to traffic them as y and the average age is fourteen. And again I repeat myself, in Sutina, because we've had this history with Nathan Chasing Horse and the reality of how long he lived like how long he thrived on on on the money, the financial money that leadership had given access to his followers that now they're were doing more in terms of human trafficking. So they did a sting operation because they've had the ability to hire people in the expertise of human trafficking. And they put out a sting twenty-four hours. In that time period over five thousand men hit that site because they thought they could buy a 15-year-old indigenous girl. And out of the five out of the five out of the five thousand, they charge ten men. Again, whatever uneducated people, either immigrants, white supremacists, or whoever is hunting indigenous children and women, There there is a stereotype of what they think indigenous women are. And a and a large part of that is is a stereotype. It's a fallacy. And and sometimes if people don't want to listen, I just let them stew in their own fat or stew in their own stew. Because there's there's no point in wasting my energy because they'll never listen anyway. So again Marina Crane (47:11.434) sometimes a lot of the things that I do find out about people that I've grown up with, it it it just it just makes me, you know, like go, why? Why do people think this way? And some and I I don't waste time like rolling around in my bed, you know, worrying about people. No, but I I do have some concerns when the programs or the way people see things in terms of tre try to revitalizing our spiritual, ritual, commu ceremonial practices is is critical. And there has to be some accountability in terms of restorative justice. Because we as young people don't and I'm an elder, so when I say we as young people, because I grew up in the system, that that how did our ancestors handle it like restorative justice? And transformative justice there was banishment. Like my cousin and I were talking about it and she says, you know, traditionally if there was sexual assault, you know, there would we had societies and ways of of making these people accountable. And and like it said, in the rite of passage with what you just heard about, you know, the reality of sexual assault and incest, especially when it comes to rites of passage for for young girls, because again the reality is like you have another woman with the child and They're feeding them. They're not allowed to feed themselves, room themselves for four days, because it's the last time that they're going to be treated like a child. And so trying to protect them and give them some ways of critical thinking so that they understand that they're not alone. And it's a terrible thing too because if we had these things and there were more young girls who understood infatuation, who understood mental health. Marina Crane (49:05.776) Health in limerence, who understood coercive control, who understood mental health in terms of lateral violence, like what is lateral violence, what is coercive control, what does it mean to to like religiosity, what what things can or you cannot do? Even even terms too, like like for me, most of my podcasts I talk about cults, and and and rightfully so, because like I I know this one family. Where this woman says that she doesn't have indigenous blood and and yet she does. And so the shame and guilt of being indigenous, even if your First Nations Inuit or Metis still exists, even if you have your status card. So yes, of course there are a lot of white people who will claim they're indigenous because again, it's it's the flavor of the month. You have so many indigenous people who are ashamed to be indigenous and they're coerced by the the tantalizing virtues of more money, being acknowledged as this leader, like look at what I've been able to accomplish in this life. When when the whole nature of of the spirituality isn't isn't to have notoriety. And and I've said this before. When my grandmother passed away, she was immense like she was really thin. My mother was in Indian residential school and she was like fourteen, fifteen when her mother died. She says, I remember I went to into her room and there was a medicine woman that came. I asked my mother, who was this medicine woman? What was her name? And my mother says, I don't know. See, again, medicine people and you'll hear stories of this where you have people who have the ability to heal people. And I'm pretty sure it's in all cultures in the world, that they they don't make themselves public. So this medicine woman came in and she sang, and my mother said, I heard her singing. Like even in the little story that I had about the read of passage, you heard these girls learning how to sing. So this woman was singing for my grandmother, and my mother was listening. Marina Crane (51:22.208) And as she was singing, my mother said, I saw my mother's body lift off the bed, elevated up the bed. Her body was spiritually lifted off the bed. And she said, And as long as that woman sang, my my mother's body was hovering over her bed. And she said, As soon as the the woman stopped singing, my mother's body fell to the bed, she said. Now understand this: the pain of cancer. and the lack of pain medicine and what my grandmother had to endure. See I have a high pain threshold. Years ago I was traveling from Utah to South Dakota and I managed to bang my finger really bad. Flesh was hanging from my finger and my fingernail was, you know, just hanging. And this paramedic who was a Vietnam paramedic was at the service station where I got injured. He bandaged up my hand, he told me to keep it elevated until I could get doc actual doctor's help wherever I was going. So when I got to South Dakota, it was on a reservation that I was heading to. And they the Next day I went to Indian, a white man who was a doctor working in an Indian hospital in South Dakota. And and so I waited, and I waited in the in the serv the his operating room because it's a small hospital in the middle of nowhere. And the nurse said, Well, he's watching the NBA basketball finals. As soon as these the TV show is over, he'll come. And I thought, my goodness, I have to wait. And so again, I was in pain, my hand was elevated. So he comes in and I'm thinking, okay, he's gonna take a needle with some medicine, put it in my finger, make it numb, and then he'll he'll take off the nail so I won't feel any pain. And so what does he do? Because he's worked with a he's been around indigenous women, childbirth. Marina Crane (53:18.142) He comes, he puts my anne the table, he elevates it up, he says, I'm gonna show you what I'm gonna do. And he took four steps and I'm watching him and he goes under the nail and just rips it off. No anesthetic, just complete surprise. Beads of sweat started forming on my forehead and I I jokingly said, you know, I I forget I like I was laughing just like I am now. but I didn't faint. I didn't know how docile I was, because like I use the analogy of dogs. Sometimes dogs you can't clip their nails or take off their claws because they'll they'll die. Their little hearts will stop. Well, even too, like growing up in the by the city of Calgary and having women hearing women who've given birth in in white hospitals and saying the white woman would be just you screaming in terror with with labor pains, whereas indigenous women because of their high pain threshold wouldn't do that. And so so again, when I talk about my grandmother dying of cancer and how much pain she had to have been in. And I and I wondered like what did this medicine woman do? And my only understanding is that she my my grandmother's spirit, her the energy must have left her body. and elo and s and hovered over her body. And so what this woman did is she got her f my grandmother's physical body to meet the energy of her spiritual body. They met together and when and once they were united, because again, in order to deal with that pain, my grandmother ha had to leave her body. But in but to bring her body back together so that she could prepare to take her journey was the was what this medicine And woman was doing. And so stories like that that I talk about, and I talk about even menses and periods and the power of the energy that women have, in terms of even the taboo, I shouldn't say taboo, the right that, you know, we're not allowed to be around sundances when we're on our moon time. Things that like in terms of older women talking to younger women about the energy that we carry and the responsibility. Marina Crane (55:41.056) responsibility that we have because we're the life givers. So all these things I try to talk about in terms of healthy human sexuality and the dogma of how religiosity bastardized indigenous ways of in native I should say it women, indigenous women's ways of living, as as something as something not to even honor or respect. And and so we have a lot of people who pretend that they have these gifts because because they're were sh their parents or they themselves were ashamed to be indigenous. Whereas the ones who have really practiced who have never been ashamed to be indigenous, who have, you know, st s stood the stood the the the test of time like the like the what they call the Tuscany black air plane pilots that that man who was told that people couldn't touch or speak for four years. years. Though those types that type of spirit is in all of us. And and the revitalization of of just finding out what our mission in life is. I I I don't have children or grandchildren. I have nieces and nephews. I have siblings. I have community. And however much I I get to talk to my relatives about things that you know that they struggle with, especially when it comes to Marina Crane (57:20.338) people who want to start revitalizing some of the ceremonies. And with my cousin we have we had a uncle who married this woman. She wasn't she went back to school as an adult. She got her degree in Native American studies and she was so headstrong in bringing sundance, sweats, everything back to the people in Sioux Valley. And I mean she even convinced my uncle who was an alcoholic, a womanizer, like that he could fly. And she would yell up, Fly, you can fly, turn into an eagle and the guy jumped off the roof and broke his ankle. Now the same fellow showed up at my home, my which is my home now, which was my mother's home, because that's my mother's first cousin And he he knocked at the door and he had this young white woman, probably twenty one, twenty, and this is this is a guy who's like in his sixties and I'm going, This is the whole problem. You know, like yes, she obviously thought we were spiritual. We had spiritual magic and we could ride horses and we could make it rain and we could tell the future. Whatever she thought. And however he convinced her that he was this spiritual super superman and she had sex with him. Like the reality is like he escaped from his wife who had put him to a four day fast in the wilderness, and when she went to Go check on him, he was gone because he took off with this white girl, this white young child, showed up at my mother's house, and my mother had to pay for their bus tickets back to Manitoba because you know he was stringing this young thing around. And and that's what I say, like, you know, when when people have issues of of like the genuine pride and not pretending to be someone they're not. Marina Crane (59:21.15) It it it it goes against those that actually do have gifts. And and again too it it works for all people. I I am the last to think that that what I have or what I embrace is just specifically for me. And and that was the danger of Nathan Chasing Horse. His his mantra, his narrative of there's nobody else like me narrative. And and for me what whatever walk of life you come from, if you're European and you have Neanderthal blood in you, or if you're Asian or like what do they call Aryan Aryan nation or if you're what do they call Semites or you know, or you're you come from Cain and Abel. Like everybody, every human being, I like it's amazing how gifted we all are. The only thing is that we have to have patience and we have to be observant and we have to have critical thinking skills to see to see the power of our minds and what we're capable of doing and seeing and achieving. So that's part of my podcast and I and like I said, it all started with with again the whole nature of people being ashamed to be indigenous and still have status when there are so many other people who are genuinely proud to be indigenous who are denied status for generations since the seventies. And hopefully the bill s two will will pass so that so that those who do who had lost their status because their mothers married non-Indigenous people. They and that they're proud to be indigenous, get those status back. But at the same time too, I think it's going to be quite difficult for those people who are still ashamed of being indigenous, who have their status cards or who are First Nations anywit or Metis to digest. Marina Crane (01:01:34.674) And and because of that I think this whole renaissance of spirituality, of gifts and the art world is such a powerful thing that I encourage a lot of young people and even people in my audience, like I said, I'm very grateful. I am so grateful for my audience. I never ever thought I would reach as many people. And again I'll say there are people from the US, Hong Kong, France Bangladesh, Uzbakistan, Brazil, Mexico, Spain, South Africa, and Vietnam. Like thank you for listening to my podcasts. I really appreciate it. And it and it's important for me as an indigenous woman who's grown up where the I saw my first white person when I was f like when I I went to school and at five years old. And and even throughout my life, by the time I was twenty-nine, and I worked in northern Alberta in Fort Mackay, where there was an oil boom of like we're the third largest oil producers in in the world. And I was working with indigenous youth. And I met a a woman who who she was a grown woman, but she had seen her first white person at age 18. And so when I talk about Western Canada and I talk about indigenous peoples and the and our ways of thinking, especially in the Treaty 7 area, and the whole notion that what made Alberta great or what made Alberta a province has to do with the the settlers who came in from northern Alberta. Alberta was settled in the north first. And because the they were the Europeans were starving. And because there had been the fur trade and the Hudson's Bay, and again I s I say the five conquering races, the Portuguese, Dutch, Spaniards, English, and French, out of and I named those in in order of how cruel they were to indigenous people. The only people who converted to learn the language, because now there is Metis, which is made shift, which is ha takes part of the Cree language. Marina Crane (01:03:55.505) they were the only ones who converted to indigenous ways of life. And that was in the northern parts like in Manitoba, Saskatchewan and Alberta. that they came down the Metis came down into southern Alberta, met up with the indigenous people in Calgary, the Soutina, the Sarce at the time, and they married, they intermarried, the Metis intermarried with Soutina. Again because we're isolated, indigenous community. We're not black but and we weren't stony. We were Soutina, Dene. And and because we intermarried with Metis, we were able to the women were able to and the men were able to you know sit down with the chiefs and the communities of Treaty Seven, get dried goods like dry meat, pemmican, all the food sources that we could we could dry and then exchange them with material goods, cloth, pots, pans, with the settlers in northern Alberta and exchange for for goods so they could survive. That's that's how like again, even when they're coming from the north and then they established a fort in Calgary, Fort Calgary, which is now called the Confluence, and just the the presence of Metis people in in the area because because it was vital in establishing the province of Alberta. These things, again, with Sutina and the Indian agent and this whole hypocrisy of of losing your status and and trying to convert light-skinned indigenous people into fancy boys and fancy girls, and creating Indian residential schools can you so you can take the darker skinned indigenous kids so that they could be s house servants and farmhands. Because again, a lot of this human trafficking was based historically. Marina Crane (01:05:53.864) on the slave trade, right from the conquistadors in the 1500s right up to the banishment of shipping blacks from Africa. Again, even saying that 70% of the DNA that is passed down by fathers for black American men is 60 to 70% are are come from European men. Even like for for indigenous people, like I say, my great grandmother had blue eyes because the Sioux people had been intermarrying for for hundreds of years. This is f a five hundred year history of of genocide, of of people wanting to convert people to serve them, to to be the farmhands. Look at right now. I remember when I was thirty I was working with a young woman who was a farmer who grew up in a farm in southern Alberta and she talked about the Mexican workers that would come in and work in the sugar pl sugar plant sugar beet farms in southern Alberta. And and even the indigenous people in the northern communities who would come down and work So a a lot of this inability f for indigenous people to be healthy slaves wasn't because we were lazy and stupid. It was because genetically we were different. We were different, we were susceptible to diseases. And and just the fact that the first one hundred years because of the European diseases and because of the torture and the genocide, w one hundred and one hundred and twenty-five million approximately One hundred and twenty-five children were killed over a span of one hundred years. That's five generations of indigenous children. So when I talk about sovereignty and I talk about human trafficking and I talk about the reality of systemic racism, especially for me as a indigenous woman in Western Canada and how I grew up seeing my first white person at age five. I'm 74 right now. I'm gonna be celebrating my 75th birthday in January. Marina Crane (01:07:59.88) And the reality of it is like whatever I can teach and whatever I can talk about my life Is my own personal opinion, my own dis my own understanding of psychology, my understanding of myself and what I've done to to look after myself, heal myself, and educate myself on diabetes, on on on high blood pressure, on the consumption of alcohol or cigarettes, and about you know being s physically active. Like in my 30s, I I I jogged five miles, I worked up for ten years, I worked up physically to jog five miles a day. I I used to bike a hundred miles a week. it that was in my 30s, because I was a poor university student, working full time and paying for my education and working full time. Didn't have a a partner, didn't have children. I had to sacrifice. And then when I came home, I had a chance to go and work in Hong Kong, Taiwan, teaching English as a second language with some classmates. But but I knew my mother was aging and I decided to take care of her. And because of that, I s started learning more about diabetes and internal medicine. And this just the psychology of taking care of myself. So a lot of these things too, even seeking help, seeking professional help, having people listen to my narrative. Because it it's one thing when you're talking to people, especially people in your community who have never left, who who don't really get the gist of what education is, there there's a lot of misunderstanding of of the gifts that I have to give people. But if I can somehow reach people and and give them a hint of what's to come. Like I said, these things that Marina Crane (01:09:59.086) people are doing to revitalize, reclaim and and like comes with a warning that that we have to do our due diligence. We have to be able to protect the most vulnerable, our children and and our women. And and and again two spirited two spirited people. The the reality the reality of how much people hate people because of how they sexually behave i is is tragic. And and how so many things are so taboo to talk about, like in terms of hyp hypersexuality, in terms of depression, in terms of pornography, in terms of even the word masturbation or even promiscuity, limerence. You you name all the the terms in psychology that That is so diverse that we need to make sure that we shop around, that we really look at the people who claim to be helpers and and to help people, even if even if they ask for advice and they don't follow through, that's okay. like like I like I know in the sense what's been happening to me this year is is profound. people that I had been close to, people that that have been in my life, or even animals. Like I'd my two Pyrenees, they've been escaping I'm at the point where I think I'm not gonna they're ever they're not gonna come home and I'll be out without two pets. you know, people that that had claimed that if there was ever a rift between between the two of us, they would contact me to ask, you know, what is the problem? That that didn't fall through. Or or just the notion too that there are some people who are just generally good people. Marina Crane (01:11:51.526) out of the blue, you know, if even if I text them, they they just text, even if it's just a thumbs up. S certain little things really make a difference. And hopefully my understanding and trying to help people, my late p parents and especially my dad used to say, it ain't over till we're six feet underground. And and it's important to to realize that we have these feelings, we're we we we don't we can't shut them down, but we should not have any fear of having people stalk us, people coer try to coercively control us, people who disrespect us, who people who just want to see us invisible. Though though those things I'm really fortunate and I'm grateful that that I that I have the ability to debrief and have friends that I can talk to. So with that I really appreciate like I said, I'm so grateful. Never ever did I ever think that my podcast would go so far in this world. And I appreciate it. Like I said, when I was eight years old my parents were in South America. When I was ten, they were in India. And and I remember walking in the classroom, like I've always been a city Indian, I've always been, you know, in city schools, and I remember walking down the corridor when I heard on the PA system that John F. Kennedy was assassinated. And then when my parents came home and my mother talked about when she heard John F. Kennedy was assassinated, and she said she looked out in the courtyard and she saw all the Indians fell to the ground and started praying because they thought it was the end of the world. And as much as people want to think that that this President of the United States has so much power to destroy the earth, I believe that Creator and grandfathers and grandmothers have and are guiding so many people, so many invisible helping hands to ke to keep this world alive for human beings to evolve. Marina Crane (01:14:12.04) I I I truly believe that and the reason I believe that is because I believe the stories of my parents. I believe the stories of what they saw. I even had in my own eyes It was a cold winter night. We had a pot bellied stove. I looked through the windows and you could see the ice around the windows. That's how cold it was, like maybe forty below. I was born in forty below weather. But I remember as a child looking out the window and on in the on the hillside I saw this huge city of skyscrapers. And my parents and everybody like my siblings, they we all looked out. All evening we looked, it still existed. We were just dumbfounded that this city appeared. It looked like a mirage and it stayed there all night. We all went to sleep and the next morning we woke up and it was gone. And so when I didn't realize that the late president Ronald Reagan used to talk politically about the city the city on the hill. That's what he called the United States. And and that's what I saw when I was a child, this mirage, this huge city of skyscrapers on the hill. Now, I know again people can be skeptical, but I want I know some of my listeners understand because the majority of people that I do talk to that I'm invited to talk in the city have validated a lot of the the spiritual the spirituality of some of the stories that I talk about in terms of energetic energy. This one Vietnamese artist, he s he says, yes, a lot of our older people, like he's referring to people my age, are so colonially mindset in in in in my country. And and so again, it's it's important to have a dialogue about this. Marina Crane (01:16:09.216) It's just only recently that that I'm talking about this and yet my whole life I've been processing it and at my whole life I've I've sometimes just fawned over white people. And and again when you talk about recovery, sexual recovery, and and just wondering like, is is this recovery? Like, especially when it comes to to to white people. And and again too, you know, I I You know, I I like I said, I I have I'm I I have white uncles. I you know, I some some people when I when I say that I've I've I've had white lovers, they look at me and they're shocked because they they don't think they think I'm just totally indigenous. And and they're shocked, But again too, those are people's choices. People do have choices. And and and for me, the life I've chosen and how I choose and how comfortable I am in my own home with my friends and with whatever I'm able to do and live is is is a blessing. It it's a total like I'm totally amazed at at how I'm tak how well I'm taken care of. And and that's just from people within my community. So and even even then too, I know there are a lot of people struggling in my community and they and it's been like that for a long time. But but I've worked my entire life and and I know that it life isn't easy and and however we manage to to live And and create like whatever mission we have in our lives and whoever we bump into that's invisible helping hands, helping us get somewhere and someplace, it it's important. And as as sad as it is in my heart that I've had to let go of of friendships, I've I've done this my whole life. And and that's why I say when you're in a relationship. Marina Crane (01:18:23.99) and it's not working out and you're sad and depressed or you have some sort of addiction or they have some sort of addiction and and you just find yourself being I if you feel like you're being controlled, you have the power to walk away and you have it in you to to begin a new life. much much of like when I I pr I prayed for Sierra and Lynette in their victim statements when Nathan Chasing Horse was being sentenced before that, before we went into the courtroom, I said I said years ago, I had a white woman say to me, Once you do this, you'll wonder why didn't I do this earlier? And I said to Sierra, I said, You're a young woman. I said, what you're doing I I wasn't able to do, but you're doing it and I and I appreciate and I want you to know that the skills that you've have acquired and the ability to talk and face the person that that hurt you and let it to let them know they hurt you is a very powerful a powerful letting go of of that that coercive control that that person had over you. And that you're able to see it for what it is and call it a name. And that you're able to empower other young women, especially like in the coming of age ceremony. It's so vital that we have people, young women, to be there to bear witness and say your story to other young women, and to understand that it's only a process. And however you touch another person and it is a blessing and you might not even see it. You might not see it at all, and and sometimes you might see it. Like I said, I didn't see it. I really didn't see it. And yet when I went to Las Vegas in April and those women came up, shook my hand and gave me a hug. Marina Crane (01:20:42.05) There is validation that they had seen me. It it it was so like even right now I'm crying about it because it's important. It's important when you think you're all alone and what your stories are saying might not have truth. Somebody out there will be listening and will be empowered to do something. It's just the nature of being human. So again, like I said, I am I'm so grateful that my cousin and I were talking about Rite of Passages for young women and how vital it is to to reconstruct and in and empower empower young women. Especially, you know, when we have so many murdered and missing indigenous girls and women. Especially when our children as age fourteen are being taken and stolen and sold as human traffic. People don't want to hear it, but that's the reality and and that's why I do my podcast.