Dementia in an elderly women and how community shows its respect despite knowing her stories are not true.

Marina Crane (00:01.752) Good afternoon, Marina Crane. November twelfth. So I did have an opportunity to go to the November eleventh memorial s sessions that were happening on Sutina yesterday. And it was it was it was good. There are just some things that for me as elder and as I grow old and I think about my my mind and mental health and just the aging mind and dementia. So of course I'm going to be talking about mental health issues and healthy human sexuality. Typical topics. But good morning to my fellow listeners, Darcy if you're there. Hello. Marie, Wednesday and and other mysterious people. Okay. So dementia. Well here's the twist. So my father was in World War II and we have and and there was a one of the other members who was like this this fellow, his name was Harold and he he was like fourteen years older than my father. when when but and he was he actually served in so many different countries in north northeast Europe during World War Two. He he w he there were five men in the tank. So he that's what he did. He was he he rode in a tank. And just the stories that his son has like I'm hoping to see if I can get some information about getting grant money so that he could publish these stories because they're just Amazing. I I know there's a lot of stories my father would tell about Indian residential school, but I think in terms of male the male voice, it's important. So I'm I'm having a meeting tomorrow with some some people from the city with in the arts community, and I'll see if I can brainstorm and pick their brain. But why I'm mentioning this is that in my community, so there was Marina Crane (02:17.237) One one of one of the relatives he was killed overseas at age thirty. And Harold I think he was let's see, he he would have been he would have been thirty four when when the war ended. Or thirty thirty three when the war ended. So anyway, like I like I said, my father was twenty when he was released from the military. So Harold would have been four thirty four at the time. And Teddy, who passed away, he would have he was thirty when he passed. So I didn't know this, but if you die in World War Two, your record your records are public because you've died serving your country. However, if you've taken military service and you Google the in the individual to see, you know, if if they're valid veterans of World War II, any any publication that's private and you have to basically be family members to apply for it. Now because of Indigenous warriors, veterans, they're waiving the fee so you can apply and rightfully so because like my podcast is going to talk about just just the the dynamics of World War Two when it comes to young men and the ext the other side of the t teeter totter or the seesaw, where you have men who well well the the video will explain it to the audio this podcast will explain it but what I'm trying to get at is the extreme end is asexual and asocial behavior. And and but my father and and Harold were the polar opposites because because they were right there in the public as veterans after after World War Two. And the government gave quite a few benefits to veterans, except for indigenous indigenous veterans, which again too ha had a certain different dilemma happening which which non indigenous in veterans received all these, you know, rewards and stuff. Marina Crane (04:18.401) stuff and it was the the dynamics of it is is interesting because today we see a lot of the asocial asexual young men in middle class that are really becoming quite dangerous. Now I'm gonna be playing a few vide a few tapes and but the reason I'm mentioning this is that We come from a small community and after World War Two, like one of the relatives again. You gotta understand when we I went to this ceremony, it was really good and really beautiful because it was all the families. All the families and we're all related. So it was it was really a powerful thing for me to participate in. And I did mention I said I have I really had a difficult time coming because because when I talk about like my father and that age group in World War Two, they they were in Indian residential schools where white people beat them up. Now, after World War Two it was more like the f those those men, even if they weren't war veterans, it was the it was the cruelty or the lack of economic development or just the lack of trying to find work. Now I yesterday I said there were a hundred and fifty graduates, indigenous students, and they had a I don't know what kind of fair they had and there was no they weren't even hired by white people. And this is in twenty twenty six. So and I said, so you could you imagine like like in after the war in the the late forties Marina Crane (05:57.986) that of indigenous men, whether or not you were a veteran or not, y the likelihood of of you getting a good job was next to nothing. So so the so a lot of the poverty and the w well, I'm just grateful that that that my father and all these men in Switina were not asexual. I think I think in terms of asocial but anyway I'm going off the topic in a sense because What I'm trying to say is that th there is one woman who is ninety years old. Now, in my talk yesterday, I said twenty twenty six my father would have been a hundred years old today. This year I mean. He would have been a hundred years old this year. And the one woman who is claiming to be a veteran is ninety years old. So so of course Harold's child says, I I got all my father's records. Like th again, you have to apply and the and and they will release those records to to families. There's, you know, death certificate, all this stuff that you have to have. And s my brother also did this work and he got records. So both my brother and his friend, Jim, got up and talked about our parents, our fathers and how like they actually had the physical documents from Ottawa. Now, the reason for that is because this 90-year-old woman, bless her heart, is saying she joined the army. Now, the Mawada Stadium in Calgary, Marwada Armories, was there set up for the Patricia Patricia Light Infantry, which is a reservist group, and it didn't happen. See it and also too, Patricia Light Infantry moved into Calgary in 1952, and that was that was at the Curry Barracks. That wasn't at the the the Marwada Okay, so there so there's a different the the whole narrative of this 90-year-old woman creating a story. And and yes, she's I don't know if she was an R R O T C or if she was a cadet or something. Marina Crane (08:14.317) But what am I getting at as the aging brain, as the fry bread burns, and the nature of of mental health. And I'm not like and I I'm not diagnosing her, I'm just saying You really have to have proof like like in documentation that, you know, your father or you yourself have done these things. Now she's eighty she's ninety, but my father would have been a hundred. And when he jo I said, my father was thirteen years old when the war started and and nineteen when it ended and rele released from the s his military service when he was twenty. Like that means the woman was ten years old when my father was released from the military. and then she s then she goes on to say that la ten years later, I think it would have been ten years later, that's what she was claiming in her story, that she joined the army. Okay, then that would have made her nineteen. Okay, what am I saying? All her children have to do is write to Ottawa and get her military records. There'd be no ifs, ands or buts about it, but they haven't. They haven't. they're just relying on her memory. And bless her heart, she's ninety years old. Why am I saying this is because when you have dementia, there are certain things that happen to the human brain. And and I truly believe she believes her story, but but it doesn't really help the descendants of the actual veterans. Which to me is a disservice because it's up to her you know, it's up to the the her children to, you know, like actually get data instead of you know, just asking their mother questions because her their mother, from my point of view, is is suffering from dementia. there's all these complications involved with like like what's happening to her. But Marina Crane (10:21.315) There's no shunning her or anything, like she's ninety. You know, let her live her life. but that's one of the things that I talk about too when it when it comes to like what is acceptable and what isn't. And rather than offend we more or less accommodate, like for the elder, the elderly. And I'm getting into that part of my life as well. That's why when I document things I try to be very clear. I tried to make sure that I have some some reference and so that h you my listener listeners aren't realizing like, she's she's making it up. This is it's she's got dementia. Okay, so no, that's not that's not that's why I'm trying to do what I can with what I've got here. okay, so I'm going to play at least three videos. And and it it it all has to do with just I think the rise of white supremacy or just the way and why we are who we are, because really I didn't even think all of these had some sort of connection, but they do. So there there is that. Now let's see if I can get into this particular okay, let's go here. Oops, sorry. Trying to get this. I can Marina Crane (11:58.634) Yikes, sorry. Good or bad names. Now, I like this song. Okay. I will be able to see you now. When I was in Utah Like I like I didn't date or anything, but the ties that you have. It was just such a romantic song. We've been meeting here every day. Like I'd go out clubbing. And since this No no alcohol or drugs, okay? Marina Crane (12:35.734) And when you're single you grieve when you turn and walk away. Marina Crane (12:43.97) Yeah, so I had a lot to grieve over. Marina Crane (12:49.899) It's such a good song, but and then and also too like there's there's just some other songs too that that are are so reminiscent and that's part of my aging my aging brain here, okay, like this song. But I'm going to try again to try and get I swear I for the life of me I've been trying to edit my my speaker system in my home because I've got Google Nest but be it just doesn't work. And for the life of me, like I said, I try. Ew Sam Cook was one of the biggest pop stars in America in nineteen sixty three. Listen to this. Then he heard Bob Dylan's Blowin' in the wind. His biographer Peter Garalnik confirmed Cook told his friend J. W. Alexander that a white boy had written that song. He was ashamed he hadn't written something like it himself. A few months later, he was turned away from the Holiday Inn in Shreveport, Louisiana. He'd called ahead. Made a reservation. The desk clerk said there were no vacancies. Marina Crane (14:07.087) Okay, so I wanted to I wanted I wanted to make sure that you heard the full version. Sam Cook was Sam Cook was one of the biggest pop stars. So Sam Cook was I don't know how I can get the whole the whole recording but it but it does when you talk about Sam Cooke and let's see let's we can do it this year. Here. Had written that song. He was ashamed he hadn't written something like it himself. A few months later, he was turned away from the Holiday Inn in Shreveport, Louisiana. He'd called ahead. Made a reservation. The desk clerk said there were no vacancies. He refused to leave. His wife Barbara said, Sam, they're going to kill you. He said, they're not going to kill me. I'm Sam Cook. Police were called. He was arrested. He went home and wrote, A change is gonna come. Then he was afraid of it, told Bobby Womack it sounded like death. Performed it publicly only once on the Tonight Show. He was released as a single two weeks after he was shot to death in December 1964. President Obama quoted it the night he was elected. Here's the lesson. The song that scares you is almost always the one worth writing. The one that feels too personal, too political, too honest. Too much like something that could hurt you. Write it anyway. Sam Cooke was one of the biggest pop stars in America in 1963. Then he heard Bob Dylan's Blowin' in the wind. His biographer Peter Garalnick confirmed Cook told his friend J.W. Alexander that a white boy had written that song. He was ashamed he hadn't written something like it himself. A few months later. Marina Crane (16:27.149) He was turned away from the Holiday Inn in Shreveport, Louisiana. He'd called ahead. Made a reservation. The desk clerk said there were no vacancies. He refused to leave. His wife Barbara said, Sam, they're going to kill you. He said, they're not going to kill me. I'm Sam Cook. Police were called. He was arrested. He went home and wrote, A change is gonna come. Then he was afraid of it, told Bobby Womack it sounded like death, performed it publicly only once on the Tonight Show. It was released as a single two weeks after he was shot to death in December 1964. President Obama quoted it the night he was elected. Here's the lesson. The song that scares you is almost always the one worth writing. It's the one that feels too personal, too political, too honest, too much like something that could hurt you. Write it anyway. Sam Cook was one of the biggest pop So When I think about that and I think about what what they're talking about in terms of narrative or just truth telling. A lot of times when I do get up and talk I talk about like slavery and a lot of indigenous people because there's no curriculum, a lot of the things that I talk about are very controversial because they've never been in public schools or in colleges and mostly you'd s find them in university archives or some they'd be found someplace. And so again too like Marina Crane (18:24.419) even in terms of investigative journalism, you know, whatever whatever seems dangerous, then like he says, write about it. Like I know in Vietnam too when they had the the Vietnam War that there was a lot of controversy going on and a lot of pe a lot of the military, a lot of the young men refused to go back and fight because they they knew how they they knew you know they knew how hard it was. But what they knew what they had been doing and and it was i and they were ordered to do these things. So Marina Crane (19:16.534) I don't know if I should Marina Crane (19:21.428) let's see what this one is. To love someone is to be vulnerable from the time you wake up to the time you go to bed. You know that you're in a relationship. To love is to be vulnerable. And if you ever buried someone you loved, like I lost my mom two years ago, like my kids, it's like having your heart live outside of your body. To love is to be vulnerable, because it's to risk grief and losing. If you're doing things in your life, in your work, and there's no risk, no uncertainty, and no exposure, then they're not brave. If you know how it's going to end, that is not courage. There is no courage. no courage without vulnerability. How can you say you're brave if you're not putting yourself up there? Courage is the willingness to show up and be all in when you cannot predict the outcome. Courage is saying I love you first. Do you ever said I love you first? Marina Crane (20:17.687) Without vulnerability you cannot access the experiences that are the most meaningful in life. So again, too, like I said, courage. When when I talk about courage to heal, see, courage to heal, that was a that was like a magic word about ten, twenty years ago. And and the thing too is like even as I was growing up, I always wondered this courage that I had inside of me. And and I you know, and I try and tell people like this was my father. I had a father. And later after I spoke yesterday, one of the other children of the war veteran Harold He says, Yeah, she said her her name is Pauline. She says, I I talk with your sister, like my sister Lorna, and she says, Yes, we talk about the times when our fathers would come home and we'd we'd have to run outside and sleep out under the stars. And she says, Maureen, I I understand what you're where you're coming from. And and I said, Yes, because you can't comprehend you can't comprehend the trauma that these indigenous veterans had because they'd already been traumatized in Indian residential school. And then and then to go into a s a system, like a a military system where where like they were where they were fast tracked and and and just like like my father r s faced so much racism in at the curry barracks and I even mentioned too yesterday at the meeting I said he would tell my mom, Mrs. he says, they treat me really bad but like c name calling, he says, but they treat black people even worse. And and so Marina Crane (22:07.073) So again, even in the notion of slavery and the slavery that happened started happening in five hundred years ago and and how it just sort of mig like sort of immigrated or migrated or evolved into like intermarriages with indigenous people and black people. And so so even even like a like this is a hundred years too of just breeding. Okay. So even when I say like when b black American men trace their their genome to th their fathers, like the like how women can trace trace our genes back to our mothers, men can trace back to their fathers, and that sixty to seventy percent the black American men trace their original fathers f to Europe. White white white Europe. All because of that hundred years of of breeding. And and so so the mentality of trying to have people control another people b based slowly sl just slow on the color of one's skin. The solely on how a person wears their skin. and and the oppression the oppression and pitting each other against each other. When I lived in Utah I met some Native Americans from the Carolinas and they swore up and down that Native Americans were never slaves. But yet you look at the colonial construct of of say Canada and how they set up this genocidal system to to erase and destroy indigenous people through the women. And yesterday after one of the chief one of the band counselors introduced his the experience he i ex ex in like he introduced his his daughters to me and she said, yes, she this is an elder who champions women's rights. And and the thing is like my niece was also at this ceremony, the niece who like I just can never ever trust her. Marina Crane (24:15.435) she was a loyal follower of Nathan Chasing Horse and even just the whole notion of her being the same space with me, because the whole community knows she can't hide she cannot hide what she did to me. And the fact that my brothers there who who serve time because of sexual interference, all associated with Nathan Chasing Horse. The whole community's there. That's what I said, it's such a powerful thing. to you know, to be standing there honoring our fathers and and talking about the legacy of intergenerational trauma. That's why it was so hard for me to be there because here's this ninety year old woman, and for whatever reason she needed that attention, she still is getting the attention. But it and again, maybe it's it's a reflection on exactly from a female point of view how she's coping with all that intergenerational trauma. As as a female. But but it's the it's the men, the indigenous men who were in the front lines as military men. And and and and too again, this I'm going to play this and hopefully it'll come through on on on the computer here. Involving a new species of asexual, asocial males. And they're the most dangerous people in the world. Very dangerous. Because and I don't want to pathologize them, we have a tendency to say, they're the school shooters. Actually, the people they're most dangerous towards is themselves. They're much more likely to harm themselves than harm other people. But the one thing the most unstable Marina Crane (25:52.147) Violent societies have in common is a disproportionate amount of young men who have no economic or romantic prospects. So, and we don't like to have an ominous conversation around mating. The reality is women mate socioeconomically horizontally and up, men horizontally and down. And when dating apps are now where 50 to 60 percent of all relationships begin, the reductive analysis is the following: Can you signal resources and are you tall? Men have very few arenas to demonstrate excellence anymore. Talk to people who've been married longer than 30 years, 80% of them say one was much more interested in the other. And it was almost always the man was much more interested. But when there's no places when men aren't going into work, when men don't have third spaces, when they're not serving in the military together, they have no place to demonstrate kindness. He was funny. I liked his hands. He was great at what he did. And so as a result, we have this dating environment where the top 10% get literally all of the interest and the bottom 90% Are just shut out. And then they become very prone to really ugly voices that say it's a woman's fault. They're much more prone to misogynistic content. They're much more prone to nationalist content. So figuring out environments where more people can meet and more men, quite frankly, can demonstrate excellence such that they can't get through the finer filter of mating that women have. The greatest innovation in history, it's not the iPhone or the semiconductor, it's the American middle class. And fundamentals of that innovation was at seven million dollars. Men returned from World War II. They had demonstrated excellence in uniform. We gave them enough money so they could afford a home. We gave them jobs, and they became very attractive to a lot of women, and we started a baby boom. And we had such wonderful prosperity that American liberal households said, let's bring women into this prosperity. I know let's bring, let's bring non-whites into this prosperity. And we got along because the majority of our leaders had served in the same uniform, so they saw themselves as Americans before they saw themselves as Republicans or Democrats. But unless we figure out a way to level up young people and find a place where they can meet and fall in love and mate and they have the economic wherewithal to do it, we're just gonna continue to generate the most dangerous person in the world, and that is a young man with no economic or romantic prospects, evolving a new special So when in the past year there have been a lot of the what do they call Marina Crane (28:20.205) White supremacist groups. Now when I was in Utah, I had a history instructor who was talking about a white supremacist that was one of his cla cl class one of the class in his class and he says he says after school he came up to him and he says, I know you you know, you can hunt wild game and tan hides and show me how to do that, he says, how to live off the land and I'll show you how to kill a human being. And so the instructor had mentioned that. He says he says, th this is what this ex military person won said he was going to do. So when even even like the deserters and the people who during the Vietnam War, like like how they were retr how they were treated when they came back. Like there was no like again l when they're t then when they're when he's talking about the economics of it, loving leveling out the the field because they you're not generating a place for young people to meet and prosper. Just like in the Star Trek when Spock puts out his hand and says, Live long and prosperous because because then you have people who, you know, are are functioning. Now, at the same time too, like there's the r the reality too, like I s like he says, ninety million men or ninety million, seven seventy or seven anyway, the millions of k of men who came back after World War Two. And and again too if you were n if you were non indigenous, you had like jobs, you got access to homes, you had you know, there was all y like you were made attractive. And so so the so a lot of people married and were prosperous and in this prosperity they also wanted to engage women and they also want to engage minorities. So they're generating all this prosperity. So but again too, today when they had this separation vo vote in Alberta and when you had these people from like meetings of these these nationalists, these Marina Crane (30:33.347) What do they call them? see here. I think they're called I'm just gonna go through this because they're called soldier they're called men's national club they're dedicated to preserving Canadian culture or heritage Former military members who attempt to join the group say they only learned about its true nature, the hatred towards Jews. When he met them person and presented with confidential contracts, like p like even even like it's just it's just the the evolution of of how people are recruited how people are recruited into these these cults, these Marina Crane (31:30.849) like f fascist fight clubs joining forces in like Canada's largest white supremacist national group, Second Sons of Canada, have met to train and network with numbers of active like active clubs from the United States and also meet with active club movements founded by Robert Rundo. who currently is supervised, released for violent offenses. So again, asexual and asocial men are very, very dangerous. Now like I said, after World War Two, there was a baby boom. And so so all that like unless you were indigenous and a minority and you weren't fitting into that, like I said during after Second World War in the United States, not so much in Canada because I because I know my father and the veterans in Soutina, like it wasn't it wasn't a fairy tale at all. and and again too you you've got to understand the intergenerational trauma, even even for veterans of Vietnam War who who lived in those India Indian residential schools had already lived through trauma, then enlisted and were traumatized again, then they come back and try to adjust into regular life and it's really difficult. And and so so even even that in itself, like like I said, my father had the common sense Like yes, he he's he he you know, and even in even Harold too, like the the stories of, you know, like I said, running away and sleeping outside our our mothers protected us. But but these men, these veterans, they had the common sense when they drank to not be around their families. You know, and that ne that story needs to be told. Marina Crane (33:24.204) Because on the other hand there were other men like my uncle who never joined the military, but he was notoriously abusive to his children and and and just mean spirited to everybody. He had so much coercive control over his wife. And and again, because of Indian residential school, he wa it was at a time where white people were hurting indigenous kids. And then and then th that generation of my uncles and parents and like after World War Two, the n the Indian residential schools were still operating but there were being more transition from in indigenous people running these places and so it became indigenous viol violence against other indigenous children. So so the cycle was star was was still being perpetrated again because it was still governed under the the federal government, okay, or all the sanction with all these churches and Stuff like that because spirituality and religion started, you know, going hand in hand. That's why there were a lot of young people, like at the time would be my generation, who started doing sweats and sundances and you know trying to trying to mimic something that they didn't really have a handle on. And this is where Nathan Chasing course, even th because he he's old enough to have been my child, okay? So all this dynamics and what does it have to do with asexual and and and sexuality? Well, when when When we talk about these organizations, these cults, this sec Second Sons of Canada and and everything, like every every place in the world, there's always going to be some some individual who who claims to have s divine authority into solving the problem. Okay, but I I want to do the analogy of the Waweepee ceremony in the Sioux culture. Marina Crane (35:24.36) And and why why like is you gotta look at the it this way. The Sioux people were a you know, a warlike tribe. But at the same time too there was prosperity. Not like like I I like I've got you I got to get you to think when it comes to property and money, no concept of that, okay? Like like my my late uncle used to say, we didn't know what fences were until like s seventy five years ago they started putting fences around our our community here. Or or even like money and like all that, like I mean the the fact that there was a lot of lateral violence and jealousy for for any indigenous person who who left the community like my father joining the military or these war veterans. Because they had income. And and see, a lot of the men couldn't have income unless they got a signed paper by the Indian agent to leave and find work. Understand too, even under the Indian Act, if you d managed to go to university and get an education, you lost your status. You lost all connections to your community, everything. You were you were disenfranchised. And a lot of women under Bill C thirty one, like they were disenfranchised if they married non-Indian. So again too this whole notion of of whiteness, of of grooming the fancy boys and fancy girls, because again it's all it's all in my opinion, all a metaphor to controlling a group of people just to service white people. And and that's what's the shame of it. Like that's why people Marina Crane (37:07.329) like when I when I'm talking about it is it's it's it's it's not hate speech. It's a reality. But but for so long during my parents' age, like like the government just ps tried to silence s tried to silence. My generation, yeah, we're still, you know, boycotting and going doing rallies and stuff like that. But it it you know, it it's just the to to me to me, Okay, well weepy ceremony. What does it have to do with prosperity, mating, you know, like elevating the the male, like like that that women would find these men attractive? Like, okay, yeah, you're a tall, tall man, you're a tall European man and you're you're fit and you've got a job. my goodness. A hundred percent prosperity. How many women are gonna be chasing and howling at your boots at your ankles? Ta-da! What am I talking about? When when you are s are when you have that ideology or that ideology that you have to perform that way. And then you have another group of young men who don't have that. They do not have that. They can't find a job. They're they may be short and ugly. What for whatever reason My goodness. I mean, I don't know what it is to be a man, I know what it is to be a woman, but the reality of that that that they have to generate, they become so dangerous. And they blame it on women. Okay? That's why like when when the indigenous man couldn't find work because of the Indian agent and all this setup and also too because of Indigenous upon Indigenous, did did anybody even think it was creating misogyny within our communities? 'Cause it sure as hell does that with white people. You know, it sure as hell has all this stuff, you know, when people say, alcohol treatment centers, bullshit you know, white people have so many problems, but yet they have to project it onto indigenous people or minorities or women. Marina Crane (39:15.634) And and for me when when my parents joined the cult MRA Royal Re Moyal Rearmament, which was out of the Oxford group in Mackinac Island, Michigan, which is part of the AA and o anyway, the evolution too of of these hundreds of Americans Again, millionaires sending people into third world countries like in South America and India to promote capitalism. Like, you know, we'll we'll just like just like Indian Indian agents and industry coming into into our communities when we didn't have the right to vote or anything and they took advantage. They bloody well took advantage of us, like the like the military lease we have here in Swutina. They took advantage of us and we had to take it to court. So so okay, so the the whole notion is that there there's always this this we'll call it Sons of sons of Canada, right? for whatever bloody reason. Really like trying to manipulate or brainwash or coercive control to to get our economics, to use our land, our resources. You know, my my parents when they went to South America and they said the guerrillas, the missil sh they they the they were firing guns, the machine guns and they had to hide behind the walls because they were showing movies of like religious stuff because these countries they went into were communistic countries. But again to Marina Crane (40:52.521) that's them fighting against communism, which again, too, you know, why like when I talk about indigenous cultures and then I look at third world cultures and I look at the huge these huge billionaires now, like there there are there are so many rich people that are running the world and and there's so many of us who are just poor. I mean poor in the sense of like like I I can't even comprehend what it is to be a billionaire. That's what I'm saying. And and I guess the general minority of us don't. Period. That's it. But yet that mentality started off someplace after World War Two and and has created this society that we're in today. So so what does it have to do with the Weepy ceremony again? Understand this, unless you unless you break it down. unless you systemically break it down. And on the podcast I did dissect the the court the court system around Nathan chasing horse. When it comes to limerence, erotomania, coercive control, like all all the way the court system looks at victims of violence or even the perpetrators. So if you you have a basic map, a psychological map of human behavior, then you then you tr then you look at it in terms of mating. So you go into like the sixties, the sexual revolution when the birth control was available and and there was just free love. Well there was no such thing as free love in in Vietnam. There was no such thing as free love in Vietnam. It was all just a big huge cover-up. And and the thing about it is like it was horrific. You have some testimony here on the burning of villages, cutting off of ears, cutting off of heads, calling artillery on villages for games, women raped, napalm on villages. Could you go into just a few of these to let the people know how you treat the Vietnamese civilians? Marina Crane (42:58.67) the calling in of artillery for games, the way it was worked would be the mortar forward observers would call in or we pick out certain houses in villages, friendly villages, and the mortar forward observers would call in mortars until they destroyed that house. And then the artillery forward observer would call in artillery until he destroyed another house. And whoever used the least amount of artillery, they won. And as when we got back someone would have to buy someone else beers. And I saw one case where there were two prisoners and one prisoner was staked out on the ground and it was cut open while he was alive. And part of his insights were cutting out. And they told the other prisoner, if he didn't tell them what they wanted to know that they would kill him. And I don't know what he said because he spoke in Vietnamese, but then they killed him after that anyway. were these primarily civilians or do you believe that they were or do you know that they were actual the way that we distinguished between Civilians and VC. VC had weapons and civilians didn't and anybody that was dead was considered a VC. If you killed someone they said, How do you know he's a VC? The general reply would be he's dead and that was sufficient. The cutting off of heads on Operation Stone, there was a lieutenant colonel there, and two people had their heads cut off and put on space and stuck in the middle the field. And we were notified that there were press covering the operation and that we couldn't do that anymore. I'll throw this question out to anybody. I have heard soldiers testify to personal atrocities that they committed, and that the fact that they're here means that they're concerned. What happens to man over in the Edward? Well, it's our general conditioning, even before we get into service, you know, America's Marina Crane (44:44.942) always right, the government's right, you don't question them. We're the best, God's on our side. And things like what happened at Hiroshima and Nagasaki showed it's okay to kill the civilians if it's for the best interest of the nation. And when I went there Marina Crane (45:02.103) So I know it's the the video has stopped because I don't know if it it has to do with my internet service or what. But this it says more than a hundred former US veterans have spoken out to testify about the events they witnessed or participated during the World V the Vietnam War. In their accounts veterans described how dehumanizing viewing the enemy as ordinary and I believed that it was in the best interest of the nation. And I was sufficiently brainwashed where I did go back the second time because I really believed it was right. You didn't feel morally you shouldn't carry out some of these orders? I thought whatever was in the best interest of my country was what was best, and that's how I was raised to believe. Do you have some testimony here on the burning of villager? So that's he says that's how I was raised. He says so so again to the testimony profound insight into the psychological impacts of war and the severe consequences of misperceiving a segment of population. To this day the re they remain an important part of the historical archives and continue to shape discussions about the legacy of the Vietnam War. So the legacy of war and even too like they weren't treated right. They weren't treated w right when they came home, as well as when they like he said, he went back to do service again because he just felt that he was morally obligated to do this because of the Like he couldn't dismantle the way he was raised in the United States. So so that's why like when when when I met a a deserter a deserter, he had served in Vietnam, or even or even like Jim Jim who had killed thirty-eight Vietnamese and just the triggers, like the smelling of flesh, babies crying. And I mentioned that yesterday too. I said I said the trauma, the trauma of trig what triggers a veteran, like what Marina Crane (47:02.522) what triggers a person and and how do you find balance. How do you find balance in coping in in a society where where you know there are certain norms or you're trying to dismantle norms that that basically corrup control or t some form of course of control for you to do something for the better good. Now when when Jim he like he was he went to prison, he was drinking and he just you know he he would have he would have he would have died sooner. Like and I'm pretty sure the the the man that I fell in love with, the Vietnam Vietnam deserter, he was twenty five. To this day I really think he he died too young. I I I walked away, I walked away. You know, I s I had the courage to tell him I loved him and I walked away. And and I think when I think about my dad and I think about just walking away is because I like I said I I used to spit polish his his military boots, help like he says, you know, he'd help he'd be sp polishing and he'd be seeing me there and he'd of course he's making it look like I'm contributing to to clean to helping him shine his his brass buckles and stuff like that. You know, because he was on military parade and then and then he wore a a kilt, a Scottish kilt, 'cause he was the the Calgary Highlanders. So a lot of things that were military wise that like even yesterday they had a a group of young kids salute the the you know, the the flag and the the indigenous veterans. And I said that's how my my father would have us do November eleventh is, you know, stand at attention and salute when they they did the the that song for the the fallen soldiers and even read the poems. I I I said that's how I was raised. Marina Crane (49:02.865) i I was you know, as a as a child, like under the age of ten, I was it my father was a big influence in my life. And at the same time too when I met military men, I I like I because again, I knew what my father was capable of and and so when I told the man I loved that I loved him, I had the courage to do that, but I also had the courage to walk away. I I didn't know anything about trauma or even the things that he had seen. I just knew I just knew there was it was like again, it's hindsight. It's hindsight and the reality of it is like when I met Jim and he was talking about how easy it is to kill a human being and when I was talking yesterday I said I said it's gossip in community. You know, Jim used to say that's how easy it is to kill a human being. You know, because he killed thirty eight. And like I I said, when people pray bad for people and that's the whole notion is like people don't realize like just because you're not see saying it, but you're thinking it or you're acting on it, that hurts people. And and even though you think because you're not there or you're you're you're not present in front of them, they s they're still hurting you. So so when we talk about dementia and on older people and how how devastating it is, you know, I I I see it with this this ninety year old woman, even though she's not like in her mind she she this is her narrative, this is her fantasy, this is her fallacy. But it hurts people. But I I need it to be there. To let the people know that I'm hurt. Because this is my dad. This is my dad. And these are all these veterans who whose children had to live through all that violence. All that violence we had, and and that we loved our parents. And and that we had to walk away. Marina Crane (51:10.006) It was it's it's been the hardest thing to to have a parent who has suffered so much intergenerational trauma. And and it like that's why I said it was so healing because you know, we're all there and we've all experienced some sort of intergenerational trauma, all related to World War Two. Not just that, but I I needed to have the co had to have the compound double exposure of trauma related to those. Indian residential schools because even though s quite a few people my age or even older didn't go to those didn't go didn't enlist it's still indigenous upon indigenous and and I'm just grateful that I'm able that I'm able to talk about these things because when when Jim y was telling me about hung prayers and then I r remember my cousin a couple of months ago trying to coach me to kill myself. And I had to say to her, this is a hung prayer. What you're doing is something illegal. You cannot be coaching me to kill myself. I could report you to the police. It's it's it's diabolical that, you know, people are so arrogant or so manipulative or for some reason they think they're sane. So when when I talk about erotomania and limerence and all all these psychological terms, codependency, things like that. I you know, everybody can relate to them in one way or another. However, I wanna go back to the Wa Weepis ceremony. and and we'll use the we'll use the metaphor or the modern day approach to it. when I when I was nineteen when I was eighteen and I ran away well seventeen and I turned eighteen it was like it was flower power and all this like I said all this was go going on to cover up what was happening in Vietnam and so Marina Crane (53:26.028) But there was still you know, we're still young and horny and all that. So we'd go into these places and you know, there's just the intense music. I mean, that's why I just love like the sixties, seventies and eighties, the music. It it it's so vibrant like Jimi Hendrix, the Beatles, Rolling Stones, Fleetwood Mac, you journey, like w as we evolve, okay, as we evolved because there was also soul and But but again too it it it's it it's the a young person going into a nightclub that is dark with all the lights blaring and everything and you're just getting all frisky and just you know, you're open for all new adventure. You're looking you're looking to find somebody to have sex with, eye to eye contact, make the connection, you and you go to it. Free love. Free love. Now why am I talking so blatantly open about this? And what does it have to do with the weepy ceremony? Well, let me tell you, when as human beings and our brains and the way we've developed and the way indigenous people understood human development When when you have a wa weepy ceremony it's it's in a black room. A dark not that everything is like again, I talk about the place where my parents first moved, it was all black 'cause of smudge and stuff. So they would have had like a wa weepy ceremony in that house. Okay, but r but modern nowadays when you have a weepy ceremony, you have it in you you create a dark room, you cut up shut up all the w c close all the windows, all the lights, everything. There shouldn't be any source of light coming into that room, so it's pitch black. That's the whole nature of it. So you have people that come in and you have the the conduit or the catalyst who is a person, a personage who's supposed to be we'll call them g person of Marina Crane (55:26.721) There's good and bad medicine. So what I'm trying to say is that whoever is the catalyst, they okay, whoever is in the center doesn't mean that because they are conducting the ceremony that they're can that it's good medicine or bad medicine, because like I'm I'm trying to get at the whole point here. When when it's the nature or the catalyst of the environment that is being created that generates this sexual energy. So again, just like a nightclub. And and I I think too the more people are open today, in twenty twenty six, every human being, I swear every human being that I've met who is open to talk about those mist the great mystery that happens in their lives, that that is so unexplainable. Why is it so difficult for people to understand the Wa Weepie ceremony? Okay, and why do people want to sort of make a concoction like, this is something secret and sacred when when really like so many people in the world like have used those concepts to organize cults. Whereas Wa We P and most gener generally speaking, most most places that are generating prosperity and and creating environment for men and women to get together and mate Okay, because they're make you're in the Wa Weepy ceremony you're you're creat the catalyst is creating these men who are are attractive and and the women that are in the ceremony are are finding them attractive. 'Cause this and this energy is there. It has and again you can't see the person Okay, so it has nothing to do with physical height or whether or not they're handsome or ugly. Has not because you're in a dark space. You're in a dark space. Also, too, in in com a s community holistic and collective communities where where you've known somebody from birth, from childhood to teenager to young adult, middle aged, etcetera. Marina Crane (57:42.466) That that's life. That was life because we all traveled and we all grew you in a village. Every human being. Every human being. Now it ha it applies there's some application to this and this is why when so many people were doing indigenous upon indigenous, hurting indigenous upon indigenous, they bastardized the ceremony. And and Nathan Chasing Horses is one of them. Now to for me to dissect it and to say this is the healthy part of the Wa Weepi. So you have you have an elder, male or female, who is overseeing everything because this is a village. Imagine a village of people. They cut and just a group of them come into the ceremony. It's all dark and you and then you have a person, the the person who's gonna be the catalyst. visionary or like I said they could be good or bad medicine because you don't know. The the elder or the c person in the community would know because they like you couldn't do these ceremonies unless you grew up with this person who was the catalyst. So again the person is wrapped up in a star blanket. They've gone through the ceremonies and people usually say all the protocols. Yes, there are protocols, but the reason they're called protocols today in today's sci society is because there's so many people who aren't living in community. So because people aren't living in community, like it's like when you get up in the morning and you brush your teeth and you cook, have breakfast and a cup of coffee and then you read your newspaper or or or whatever you do, you go to work or you and then at lunch you have lunch and that like that's that's a routine. We don't call it protocol, but that's That's what we do when we're talking about ceremonies now in twenty twenty six, whereas b back in b like when when it was community run, there was there was no it was just natural. So what am I trying to get at is that you had somebody who went through who lived in the community who was inspired to hold Wa Weepy, male or female, and again in these modern times when it came after World War Two and all this misogyny Marina Crane (59:58.997) all this col no this colonial bullshit, they re they really gr they really for put put the person in the middle as a male rather than a female. Okay, because women can do this too. Just like, you know, even even the person who's overseeing everything could be could be a woman as well. So anyway, the person gets tied up with with a a ball of rawhide. and it's and they're you know, they're on a buffalo hide and they have this these things all marked out, these different ritualistic objects. And then you have offerings of medicines and stuff and you have pledges and agreements between the person who wants the prayers and the person who's doing doing the ceremony, as well as the people who are overseeing the ceremony. So when people come into the the space it's all dark and and so the per they start singing and and of course they're explaining the person who's doing who's gonna be wrapped up is is talking to the audience in you know before they darken everything and he says this is the purpose of this of this Wawee ceremony and and so again too people would know each other because you grew up here like like when Nathan Chasinghorse came here we had five ceremonies and it's all with people in the community. Now mind you there were other people who were having wall weepy ceremonies long before him long before him and again too there was indigenous upon indigenous there was like again Again, you know, indigenous people hurting indigenous people. So when Nathan Chase and Corse came in, it was like a fallacy because we're going, well, he's not from here, so we can trust him. No, no, no, no, no, no. Big, big, huge mistake. Huge, huge mistake. And one of the survivors when I met them in Marina Crane (01:02:03.126) Las Vegas during the sentence and he says he says, you know, I it always it always amazed me that that people who weren't Dakota, Lakota, Nakota were gravitating to a Nathan Chasing horse because that's not their tribe. I said, That's exit that's it exactly. I said, that's it exactly. I said, because y you don't like it's just like Europeans, like I like Europeans who speak their own language. I I can't I I I would feel totally uncomfortable going into their community. You know, and and if they embraced me and said, Marina, you know, we want you to do this I I would ha I would say no. Like like because they have their own values and their own beliefs and their own spiritual practices and their own like their own energy. Because again too it this whole notion of of prosperity and attractiveness comes within a person's living space, their culture. So Really, it you know, y you give you live long enough and old enough to understand this. So so that's why it was important for me to observe and watch. Not once did I give tobacco to Nathan Chasing Horse, because I was an observer. I was not participating. Even though I organized things and I had people coming in, again It was again, I didn't realize how coerci how coercively controlling he was in targeting everybody who would come into that into those ceremonies. and again with his followers too, because it's just the whole nature of we'll say love versus nature and all this stuff because he w he he was ch he just carried a lot of bad medicine with him. So Marina Crane (01:03:54.379) So when you go into the ceremony and he's wrapped up and you hear Like you'll hear either you'll hear elk or eagles or eagle whistles or the intent the energy that is created has an intention. And that is my point. Who whoever is in there and the intention that is there, that's meant that that's what's the most powerful thing. Not the person who's being tied up, it's the intention of the environment of all the people who are who are within that group, within that ceremony. And I used an example Of this one fellow on TikTok talk, his name is Supa, and he's talking about good intentions and good medicine. So so imagine, like he says, we're dancing in the arbories. It's just hundreds of us dancing. Beautiful song, everybody's in a frenzy because you're dancing in a dun you're you're physically, metaphorically, spiritually dancing into another dimension. What And and all a sudden you hear this eagle whistle and and you and everybody's just dancing and it and you just hear it and it hits your heart and you dance even harder. Because you know like you're somebody is going into that that that spiritual realm and you're just there going, They need our help. They need our help. We're dancing with them. And the Supa, he says, he was dancing with his fellow and he sa he told him, He says, Look over there, you see that whirlwind? And there was a whirlwind spinning around. And and he told him, Can you see that? Does anybody see it? And and he says we s he said him and that that his his dancing partner, like they were right next to each other, they saw that whirlwind come down come down the corridor between the benders, and then he says it entered the arbor and it turned left, a sharp left. And people are dancing. Okay, and it went right to the the man who was blowing the eagle whistle. Marina Crane (01:05:49.33) And and and like it was it was just an amazing sight, he said, that the intention of that eagle whistle and the the we'll call it collective and holistic energy of of the people who were dancing created this. And and that's that's the metaphor of the wo weepy. It you the energy the energy is there. You can he in in the dark you can't see the whirlwind like you'd would in in a powwow. But you y but you hear it. You hear it in in in the voice in in the energy of what comes in that we manifest as a group. Again, if we understand these things and we're taught them from childhood without be it being bastardized as some sort of fucking witchcraft. we wouldn't have to be mansplaying this to every wannabe person who comes from a different culture. because that's how people, indigenous people who hate white people, will bastardize you and just rake you over the coals for for gobs and gobs of money. Why? Because they've because you train you trained us so well. I know I've grown up with white people my whole life. I mean, even as a kid. It was easier as a child, okay, because a child would say to another child, make it rain and I'm going, the silly fool. Okay, I'll make it rain. You know, and the thing is because I was never hit by a white adult, I was not beaten up by a white person, I could say that white child, I'm fooling you. I could say that, and I did say that, you know, like no, I can't make it rain. But the reality of it is because of that anger, when you grow up and and and and you've been brutalized by by a white person, y it's really difficult to to like you you just want vengeance, we'll call it vengeance. And and so so Marina Crane (01:07:58.688) In in in a sense like when I say this Wa Weepi and when people come in there and you have all these people from different cultures and that didn't grow up in that environment, like they're not part of that tribe, they they'll they'll get they'll get they'll get a indigenous upon indigenous and violence against violence on violence with indigenous people. because they were they were taught that way. And and un unless you've actually like as a child have have been around other cultures and have integrated and had your little battles of you know, just playing around. I always say that you know, I'd come back from the city and I'd be on my homeland, I'd feel like I'm at home. So even when I went into the city I didn't feel like I was I didn't feel like I wasn't Canadian, I didn't feel like I wasn't Albertan. I just knew I was indigenous, you know, and that and that I could come home and I'm still in my homeland. It wasn't until like I started going to junior high or even it was in high school that I became untouchable. It was in high school that that the white majority of of of children that I grew up with just dark well put a wall there and said, I'm not touching you. Yes, as children we grew up in elementary junior high, saw us bust in year after year. But once we got into high school, we were untouchable. Not in the sense not in the sense of like protected physically, untouchable in the sense of a caste system, like in India, where you have white skin and all the way down to dark skin. Yes, I when I talk about indigenous ways of thinking when it comes to indigenous women, that is the re that is the truth. And the fact that Marina Crane (01:09:51.244) When when I when I look at people and I hear them, they wear the orange shirt and all this stuff about Indian residential school and I'm going, Yes, yes, it's indigenous upon indigenous. My my look at I look at my uncle and how he brutalized his own children. I look at my dad and Harold and our and us as as ch the descendants of these veterans, they had the common sense to not drink in the home because they didn't want to hurt their children because they were soldiers. They were trained this way. And and so I said that yesterday. I said, you know, my my father had the insight to n to not be around us. I said a lot of indigenous people didn't have that, like my uncle. and and they terrorized their children. And then what what does that produce? What does that create? so all the psychological problems in terms of erodomania and limerence and codependency, y you know, I I I used to think it was a magic word from white scholars. like that's how that's how I had to dismantle the way I was thinking. Because again to like I said, even if I were like a even if I had a PhD in in clinical psychology or some voodoo voodoo social social aspect of university academia philosophy for example, I couldn't publish a paper because it's run by white people. Like yes, indigenous and black people, when they're gonna publish some works in sci psych for psychology, they've got to publish it in the States. So you know, we're still struggling with a l a lot of the dynamics of what is appropriate and inappropriate in terms of human development and and charisma and sexuality and just how how much we have an impact on other people. But but there is a consciousness that's that's brewing and we see it in Alberta trying to separate and most of Alberta saying no. We see it in the Sons of Canada and the recruitment of white supremacy. Marina Crane (01:12:06.608) And throughout like I said, throughout my life I've I've seen it. Like my my like I said, when I was in high school I was untouchable. B because of racism. I wasn't white enough for them. And and even like I bless bless the man I fell in love with, for him to to feel so untouchable, so disgraceful because he w he he ch he chose not to go back to Vietnam. He chose not to serve and to do all those horrific things they were doing to another human being. And we met. But again too because he was in a a country that wasn't the United States. That was also another thing too. So all these things when you meet people who have this intergenerational trauma and you have something in common, it means something. It it does. But I at least I had the courage to tell him I loved him and I walked away. I know people look at me and go, Jeez, she's never married, she's never had children. sh just like, she's unlovable. No, no, no, no. I had the courage to walk away. And and a lot of times when I've been pursued, I'm very grateful that I had the hindsight to say no. I I just find that even now as I as as I'm older, it it doesn't really like the narratives I have about human sexuality, it it may it may be hard for some women who've struggled their entire lives with self esteem or self love or self respect. It's it's not It's it's not something Marina Crane (01:14:03.128) How would put it? Most how I see it in my community is is most of the like my cousins or other women hang around with other women who've had similar upbringings, like similar marriages, simil similar problems with their children. And and so they bond together. Like like I said, as human beings we're meant to bond. And it's not forever. Like I I've I've bonded with numerous people throughout my life, both both indigenous and non-indigenous, and and and I continue doing that. I'm just really grateful that I've had the insight to be to to be vulnerable. Now let me see if I've got this. This is just an extra thing. The vast majority of couples, fifty-five up, that stop being sexual is actually because of the men in heterocouples. Because the men are often on medication for diabetes, for blood pressure, for prostate, for depression, and others. And all these medications have sexual side effects. If you are a man who basically has focused your entire sexuality around Around your penis and your erections and your ability to get hard and last and have autonomous spontaneous erections, and suddenly it doesn't happen. And you suddenly think now I have to ask for help. Help, you know, what kind of a man? This is now no longer, you know, then you give up. And the notion that actually you have an entire body to make love with, and that your penis doesn't make the decisions, it's a person who makes decisions for the penis. That's a very different story, and that you actually can experience pleasure in all kinds of other ways, or that you have had all illnesses with which you have grappled with. So human sexuality is a very broad topic that evolves in the course of your life, that changes with your successes, with your illnesses, with your children's lives, etc. etc. And that is one of the best things I can offer to people: is that suddenly the conversation when you say. Marina Crane (01:16:17.334) Person doesn't want to talk about it, it's because what they've talked about isn't that narrow. Why don't you want to have sex? You never want to have sex. All you can think about is sex, that kind of thing. And once you've actually invited them into a whole other conversation about what is pleasure for you, what is connection? What is the difference between desire and arousal? What does it mean to start because you're in the mood versus to start because you're willing? The vast majority of couples, the vast majority of couples. 55 up that stop being sexual is actually because of the men in heterocouple. So that's what I'm talking about. When I talk about healthy human sexuality, when I talk about like this is called Stephen Bartlett and the lady who's talking is Esther P E R E L and she says why couples stop being intimate, like physical intimacy is and that's why I say there's emotional intimacy. And that as women, the more I think the wh more a a woman goes through healing her body like in childbirth or just like every month, like with our menstrual periods, the whole notion of of emotional intimacy, because we're healing physically has been practiced whereas with men that that emotional intimacy hasn't been. And and and when a when a man refuses to have her his his partner be emotionally intimate, it it comes at a price. Like I I I'll use the analogy of the children t putting their parents into a nursing home and and then all of a sudden they get a phone call and they they're found they're found out that their mother is is promiscuous sleeping with all the elderly men in the in in the in the nursing home because because their relationship in my opinion had everything to do with physical intimacy. Like she was so oppressed and you know, had to service her husband. Now at old age she's servicing all these other men because that she has no practice in emotional intimacy, just physical. it's important to document, important government documents, as we age sometimes we don't know exactly what happened, because we believe the storyteller. And as the storyteller ages and develops dementia, they may exaggerate on some forms, or misinterpret dates and times,. in this following blog, there was an elderly woman who claimed to have joined the military and there is no physical government documentation from her family, and as a result of it all, the actual indigenous veterans of world War Two. their life stories have been, not, Validated UN until we got up yesterday and showed that we did get actual documentation from the government of Canada that stated and showed the MIL military records of those Indigenous veterans. it's a shame that we had to go that far. But when you have people who maybe just have some mental issues that are seeking attention or wanting some sort of validation either they're ashamed or guilt or for whatever reason, it can be very damaging to to the people around it can be very damaging to to the people around if the people around do not comprehend what dementia does and how it manifests itself in creating false narratives about situations and other people, Marina Crane (01:18:33.663) And and it's the same thing with men, like I use the analogy again too of a older man whose sons put him in a nursing home and he just stood up and he says, I need sex and so the sons had to come in, they got a iPad, hooked him up to the internet So he could watch porn again because of this dope the dopamine rush, because his whole life was centered around physical intimacy. And and the lack of not talking about emotional intimacy is so small, so minute. That's why for me, when when I'm talking about be be be fruitful and multiply or or live long and prosperous, those things were were innate in nature and and in indigenous culture. Marina Crane (01:19:23.37) it evolved into matriarchy when it came to the Wawepi ceremony, the sweat and the sundance. Even the the the sweat symbolizes the the woman's y womb where the baby is created in in those stones. Like it it's it's it's just the r the nature nature of it that that the emotional intimacy is tied to to to healing, like the earth, everything everything is attached, emotional intimacy to the earth, because f you know, whatever happens physically like that y like you see it in terms of of sex the physical sexuality. So Marina Crane (01:20:15.178) Anyway that's I just wanted to bring that bring that to you because I I really appreciate everything that I understand about the dynamics and the nature of of just the nature of the context of what was taken away from indigenous culture and indigenous history. Y see, people today all over the world, when they look at the Americas and they see five hundred years of what humanity did, the c the cruelty. Like when you when I when you hear that tape on Vietnam, what they did to those Vietnamese when you hear like when you s when y you hear of the horror and the things that those white people who were in those r Indian residential skill schools did to our children, like they they tried to silence so much. And and then when when you realize like like I said, the first one hundred years they killed five generations of indigenous children. That's a poo poo for what, five million Jewish people in World War Two? That's that like imagine a hundred years they killed five generations of indigenous children. That's what, a hundred and twenty five million children. And then and then of course they they're all the slaves that came in from Africa, the millions that they killed, just making the voyage, just and even even you know, correlling all the the dark skinned people to to create and and make life easier, like supposedly easier because they were they they w they were co cor co controlling people rather than rather than learning anything from their cultures. Marina Crane (01:22:07.372) Just just the reality now, the stark reality of humanity taking a look at the lost civilizations and how did we get into this mess that we're almost at the point of self destruction. Like we have to understand these things because our young people are depending on us. and and and we have to understand and educate ourselves. What is what is the nature of healthy human sexuality as as we're young and human d human development, having sovereignty over ourselves and our children. These things a lot of people don't even know, they just assume that indigenous people have had this. But we haven't. This is twenty twenty six. And and if it's dangerous for me to talk about it, so be it. But y there are so many people, so many thousands of Indigenous people, young people who who are getting those degrees, those PhDs, those I I'm just so grateful. My my contribution to my podcast and what I do as an elder is is just a drop in the bucket. But it needs to be done and it needs to be said from my point of view because this is my life, this is my community, this is what's been happening. Okay, I gotta let you go, got company.

Honoring my Father's Legacy, November 11, 2026

Thank you for sharing this. What comes through most strongly is that this is not just a podcast about Remembrance Day. It's a reflection on memory, family, love, trauma, healing, aging, and community. A few major themes stand out: Honoring your father's legacy. You describe your father as a World War II veteran, a soldier, community member, volunteer, hockey coach, and provider. A central concern is that fewer people remain who remember him personally, and you feel a responsibility as his oldest daughter to preserve and tell his story. Family love stories. You recount the stories of your grandparents, your parents, and your younger sister. Each story emphasizes commitment, risk, and connection rather than idealized romance. The thread running through them is that ordinary people built families through courage and faith in one another. Community and belonging. You repeatedly return to the importance of community ties, growing up surrounded by relatives, elders, and shared memories. You contrast that with the isolation many people experience today. Healing versus unresolved pain. A large portion of the podcast reflects on sexual assault, closure, forgiveness, and what happens when trauma remains unaddressed. Your argument is that healing matters, not only for personal well-being but also because unresolved hurt can affect families and communities for generations. Emotional intimacy. You distinguish emotional intimacy from physical intimacy and reflect on how people seek connection as they age. You suggest that learning emotional closeness is an important lifelong practice. Aging, mortality, and gratitude. Your discussion of your sisters' health, advance planning, living independently, and your own mortality ultimately leads to gratitude. Despite hardship, you express appreciation for having lived long enough to tell these stories. If I were to summarize the overall message in a single sentence, it would be: "Remember the people who came before us, tell their stories honestly, seek healing rather than bitterness, and cherish the relationships and communities that sustain us throughout life." For a spoken podcast, the material is deeply personal and heartfelt. If your goal is to reach a wider audience, you might consider organizing it into clearer sections (your father's military service, family love stories, healing and closure, and reflections on aging), which would make the powerful stories easier for listeners to follow. And one thing that comes through clearly: this is ultimately an act of remembrance. Not only of your father, but of the people, experiences, and relationships that shaped your life.

Marina Crane (00:01.528) Good evening. Marina Crane here, November 10th. Why am I doing this and why do I want to watch this live? Ugh, questions. Live with Marina Crane. Let's try that. Okay. Yikes, what does it say? Show. again to I do not Okay. So I'm not doing video. I tried to do video and it just seemed all grainy and whatnot. Why am I doing this video before November eleventh? Because tomorrow I I think I'll be busy. my father was a World War Two veteran and should he have lived, he would have been a hundred years old this year because he was born in nineteen twenty n twenty-six. joined the when the war broke out, he was four thirteen. He enlisted when he was eighteen and stood standby until the war ended in the fall of nineteen forty six or the fall of nineteen forty five actually. He was discharged from the military in nineteen forty-six in I think in the winter or in the spring. So and at twenty-three, so he see was twenty. And at twenty-three he married my mother and in nineteen fifty my older brother was born. And in fifty two I was born. A lot of times, when I think about my father and people in in my community like they don't know who my father was unless unless you're sixty five or sixty like the if you're unless you're one of the two hundred and thirty elders in the community, nobody would know who my father was. So so is it important for me to go and talk about my father's life in the military? I think so. Only because A lot of people I'll use an example and I and I don't want to make fun of it, but in some ways it we have to make fun of things that are really disheartening because you know, I have sisters who've worked lived off reserve, lived off of indigenous community, away from community, including myself. I lived away for sixteen years. And my one sister who's seventy-three, she's lived away for fifty years. And then my younger sister, gee, thirty. Marina Crane (02:28.481) 30 years, give or give or take 25. And so I have a brother, some brothers like the and like it's the dichotomy or the how do I sort of the the rationale about the caste system and community is is so dynamic because people don't realize like what it means in terms of even defining gender. Okay, so why am I publishing this e this podcast at such a late, late night? And why do I want it live? my goodness, the things I will put myself through. My father was stationed a standby from nineteen forty-five to nineteen forty forty-five or nineteen forty-four to nineteen forty-six. And in that period he was sent to Aurelio, Ontario as standby twice. The first time was in the spring, and and that's when the year Germany Germany surrendered. So he was on standby in Aurelio, Ontario, and Germany surrendered. So they shipped this whole these whole the all these indigen all these military back into BC because they s they they didn't want to deploy them because Germany had surrendered. While in BC, J Japan was still at war. So they shipped them back to Aurelia, Ontario as standby to ship them overseas. Now in the whole process of all this, my father when he enlisted, like on his his service record, he he was taught basic combat training. That means, you know, in combat how to fight and how to kill the enemy. A and that's a distinction, you know, like 'cause I've I've b I'm old enough to have fallen in love with a a Vietnam deserter, you know, who who who just got sick and tired of living in the United States and ran into Canada and and I met him when I when I was eighteen. my whole life I've had some sort of affinity or attachment to the military. Marina Crane (04:39.252) I I think military the the energy that they carry, it's just something innate in me that I that I sense only because I I had a father and only because I remember him spit polishing his shoes for military inspection, wearing a kilt, you know, p marching on the parade with Highlanders blowing their bagpipes, you know, just doing organizations for the former premier, what was his name? Sykes. Rod Sykes was the mayor of Calgary at the time and my father helped organize the Highlanders band to welcome the Chancellor of Germany into the city of Calgary at the Palliser Hotel. My father did a lot of work too on radio and TV as guest as a guest. And he also did volunteer work for the Calgary Public School and he did a lot of volunteer work for for hockey 'cause my older brother he wanted my older brother to play hockey. And so a lot of the money that my father received, you you gotta understand, okay, he was eighteen and then at twenty he was released from military service. Married my mu my mother at twenty-three. and then rejoined into the patricia light infantry in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. And in order to understand the regiment or the qu what happens when you join the Patri Patricia Light Infantry, Google it, find out. and he he and he he worked as a as a soldier. So we had he had income. We were we were like we lived off the land We you know, we had mattresses and beds to sleep on. Marina Crane (06:32.799) whatever low income he had as a as a soldier we lived off of. Understand this, a lot of the indigenous men didn't have jobs. They didn't have employment. This they were the same age as my father. Even, you know, were were born and raised in Soutina like my father. Because a lot of people tend to forget my father was born and raised here in Soutinna. And and for me, when it comes to Remembrance Day, it's almost as if they, you know, poo poo it that he didn't even grow up here because he's been dead forty Years now. he died when he was 52, very young. like I said, I'm I'm I've got another 25 years before I reach 100. But should he have lived, he would be a hundred years this year. And and should he have lived and been able to tell his story, then I wouldn't be here talking about him and the significance of his life. the reason I'm saying this and I gotta put a little humor in this. My sister and I, we talk about this because, you know, you live in a community where a lot of people have there's a lot of lateral violence, a lot of jealousy, a lot of hate and spite and gossip and Just really mean, mean vindictive storytelling. And and I put up with it. I I I do. I have a childhood friend who claims she doesn't talk to this woman who's six years older than me, and this woman claims to be some sort of half sister or half cousin of mine. Like yikes yikes. My all my si all my uncles and aunties, except like for the ones who I've grown up with, the ones who were married in, my one aunt is still alive. But the reality of it is like this is my father's legacy. I'm his oldest daughter. I'm my grandfather's oldest granddaughter. I'm I'm right now I'm the oldest grandchild. and all the other grandchildren fall underneath me. Marina Crane (08:33.515) So whatever stories I have about how my father, his father, my grandfather, came to be registered on Soutina, how he was adopted into Soutina by Chief Joseph Bigplume, and and then how he eventually married Mary Little One Spot. And I think Little was her first married name, and her father was David One Spot. And and so she died in childbirth. Now aga again, I don't want to go into the legacy of it because I've done this before in other podcasts that are on on this. I had an interview, like it's on video, so th that particular video will sh will talk about the history of my my grandfather George Crane. I'm talking about my father right now. And so he took part in rodeo. He you know, we raised used to have h hot dogs. one of the men who one of the elderly men now, I said like over the age of s sixty and over two hundred and thirty five of us or thirty four of us and the ones who actually grew up here, some married in who are still elders that didn't know even know my father. But the ones who do remember my late father remember him as like a coach, a hockey coach. And the one fellow said, We enjoyed coming to your home, Marina because we'd flush the toilet and we'd see the water swirling down because nobody had indoor facilities, central heating. Nothing. My father w however he managed to to get loans or anything from from in the city, he he used that to to build these to build to install plumbing as well as central heating and he and he helped his cousin Pete to do the same thing. So there just the two cousins had had central heating and plumbing. The first in Souton that they paid for. Get this they paid for it. The lateral Marina Crane (10:28.561) violence and the jealousy that was probably press put pressure on the Indian agent to have these central heating and plumbing in buildings, especially in Suutina, started probably what like gee, 1963, 1962. But but my father and his cousin were the first. And But but again too, a lot of this narrative that I talk about, I I didn't really know like my neighbors or you know, like the older people who are six, seven, even ten years older than me, and just how poor people were. Poor that even though they had a father, they they they didn't have the money to get beds and slept on the floors. I I mean there was like really I don't understand the poverty. My father was in the military and sh yes he had access to drinking alcohol when when other indigenous people couldn't have it. you know he he did a lot of things in the military because again understand this he enlisted when he was eighteen and the war ended when he was nineteen and he was released from his his duties when he was twenty. Reenlisted after the age of twenty-three while and married my mother and had eight children. How he met my mother Is is another story. So I wanna I want to I want to give the background of my grandparents and my father and then even my sister. And this is a love story. Okay, these are love stories. It's important to understand love when I talk about healthy human sexuality. So my grandmother and again even my mother when they were young women they worked on ranches. They were they were basically hired help, like when we when we talk about slavery. Like indigenous people were no not allowed to be doctors, lawyers, Indian chiefs. We were we were the hired help. y you know, like ha poo poo and hip hip and all this other stiff upper lip colonial jargon of British British royalty and shit like that. Marina Crane (12:38.246) I mean I'm I'm making fun, I'm being sarcastic, pardon me, but the r reality of it is like my grandmother had a half brother and she had, I think, four other siblings, half half siblings. And her brother picked her up from the farmhouse she was working at on the weekend to go and see a rodeo in the little town of Brandon, Manitoba. At the time there was a rodeo going on and my grandfather George Crane Baptiste was had already been a n a nation member on Sue Tina formerly known as SARC because he was adopted in by by Joe Bigplume. And he his first wife was Mary Wanspot. And she died in childbirth. So when he met my grandmother, he was single. And you have to understand too, there's there's a the the the understanding of human sexuality, h his wife had died. And and even then like when I when I talk about prostitution and human trafficking and like understand a l a lot of the women had to support their children so they prostituted or else just prostituted in in other words. So it's no fault of my grandfather George Crane suspecting that his son wasn't his son when he when his wife dial died in childbirth. So so my grandfather didn't raise his oldest son, supposedly his oldest son, allegedly his oldest son. However, when he met my grandmother Daisy, he met her at the Brandon Fair. Now the way my aunt, my late aunt, talks about it, my late Auntie Doris, bless her heart, she says, I don't know what happened. My you know, my aunt Auntie Daisy went to the rodeo and Marina Crane (14:32.279) She met George George Crane there, and whatever happened that weekend, I don't know, she says because it's a two-day event. She came home Sunday to work the following Monday at the farmhouse. And she said, she says, now my grandmother, she's not my grandmother, she says my Aunt Daisy, my grandmother, that's my grandmother, Auntie Doris's Auntie. She says, Yes, Auntie, Auntie Daisy went to the went to the farmhouse. That next morning, she saw George Crane walking on the gravel. Road to her farmhouse. Now I don't know if he brought her home the Sunday before or what the arrangement was. She said he sh she just saw him walking down the driveway. And there was my grandmother, bless her heart, a young woman in love. She packed her suitcase and it was already packed that morning. She just picked it up, didn't even give notice to the farm the farmer and his wife that she was leaving their employment. And and just walked out the door, met my grandfather halfway down the road and and that's the end of that story. She ended up coming to Sarsee, Calgary, Alberta, having four four sons with my grandfather George Crane. And he in turn died in a blizzard, froze to death. And and my grandmother had these children to raise, and she she married my grandfather George Crane's best friend, who was David Crowchild. So the only grandfather I Known my entire life has been David Crowchild. Now that's the love story of my grandmother, Daisy DeWan Crochile, Crane Crochile, and her marriage to her first husband was with George Baptiste Crane, who had been adopted into Sutina by Joseph Bigplum, whose father-in-law was the late David One Spot, a very old traditional man. And and most of my grandpa George's relatives were Nakota Sioux, who had also married into Soutina with with the Magi with the Simeons and the Miniwounds and the Little Bears. So understand this too, you he was also part Cree. So there's also the Simons that were related to in Soutina. Marina Crane (16:49.185) Now, a lot of this is man stuff, okay? This isn't talking about matriarchy because my grandmother was married in and the same with my mother. So the difference is I'm matriarchal because I was raised here. Now my mother and my father's story is another different love story. So my mother was in Elkhorn Residential School, really horrific school. You've got to understand when I say my uncle, my dad's all of them, that age group, like my father would be a hundred right now, when they grew up, they were beaten. Up by white people, like people in those Indian residential schools. And so their hatred or their fear of white people was really entrenched in them. And so my mother remembers, like she said, we were outside in Elkhorn, and there was a railroad track, like on the prairies. This was a small little hick town, probably about an hour and a half west of Brandon, Manitoba. So she said that the train stopped because they were being deployed to Aurelio, Ontario. Like he was deployed twice into Aurelio, Ontario. One of the trips going east, they stopped at Elkhorn, Manitoba, and all the soldiers had chocolate bars and all the indigenous kids gathered around the train and they were handing out chocolate bars. And my mother distinctly remembers my dad because he gave her a chocolate bar. Talk about what? Was it love at first sight? Who knows? But what happened is after he was depl was released of his duties when he was twenty. He went to Manitoba to Sioux Valley and there he fell in love with one of one of my mom's cousins and she rejected my father. So my father was on the rebound with my mother, so my mother says. Now Aunt my Aunt Dora says this is the love story. She says it was blizzarding outside. Your father came to to our door I remember my parents opening the hot the door so they could be warm Marina Crane (18:47.937) There was your mother. She says she was had this long coat on and it was just cold out. The wind was just blowing. You could hardly see people walking down the road. It was so cold. She says, and there was your father and mother eloping to Calgary, g h walking to the Trans Canada. So you gotta understand from Sioux Valley to the Trans Canada, like it's a fifteen minute drive now. Okay, but imagine that they had to walk it in gravel. So so my aunt says, yeah, they they they they were saying they were in love. They were gonna he was gonna take her to Sarce, marry her, you know, all that. She says, so I remember seeing seeing my cousin walking down the road with your mom. She says, and we lot we lost sight of them because the snow and the blizzard was going on until it was complete white out. So she says, We didn't know if your father and mother made it safely back to Calgary or Soutina. She says until like weeks and months later. So she said that was the love. Story. She says, you know, just blindly, you know, hooking up as a pair and and going home to make a family. So George Crane Baptiste married my gr my my grandmother do Daisy Dewan Crane, and they had children in Sutina, born and raised. My father was born and raised here. And then my father, when he was deployed, to to stand in waiting to be deployed, met my mother, went back after he was released from military service, hitchhiked all the way back to Calgary in a blizzard with my mother to establish a family here in Sarcee in Soutina in Calgary and had eight children. That's a love story. Like imagine, could you imagine being young and just hooking up with someone over the weekend going Marina Crane (20:44.418) let's live together and they just do it. You know, for me I'm going, wait, hold on. I got my car, got my car insurance, I have my health insurance, I've got this, I think that like, hey, I have a list of things to do that will stop me from being in a relationship. Back in the day they didn't. Now my younger sister's love story, she there used there's a ranch ranchman's, it's called it's a it's a cowboy bar. And she says, her and my our cousin went there. And this guy, his I think his name was Devin or something, he came up to my sister and he says, Are you Mark's sister? And Eleanor says, Yes. And and then Scott came up to her and she's he says, do you want to dance? And she says, I'll only dance with you if it's a if it's a song. If it's achy breaky heart. And I laughed when I heard this story. I thought, yeah, that right, achy breakey heart. Like what a what a tough, tough song. He has to wait for it to come on before you dance with him. Like I guess I must have trained her well. Okay. So what the hell happened? So the next day she w you know, like she said, I she said she she went back to the ranchments and there he was. And an achy breaky heart came on, so she danced with him. Now, when he brought her back off the dance floor, he says, You see that woman standing over there? And my sister said, Yeah and he says she said, Last time when you told me that you wouldn't dance with me unless achy breaky heart came on, I didn't know how to dance. He said, I asked that woman to teach me how to dance two step. She said, So we went outside the ranchman's and she taught me how to stew two step. So so here I am. I've I've danced with you two step, but if you see why that woman is looking at me, it's because she probably thinks I wanna hook up with her. But I wanna tell you that the only reason I danced with her is so that I could learn how to dance Marina Crane (22:40.279) I could ask you to dance. And my sister, that was the clincher. She says, that was the clincher. That was that was it. She was in love with him, bang. So you know, so The what do you call that in that artistic voice, it's a cautionary tale. Like even my podcast when I say a cautionary tale on healthy human sexuality, like every excuse now to not be physically intimate. And I I know when I talk to my childhood friends and I say, you know, as we age and hopefully during the whole process of if you're in a relationship or even if you're not, because the whole pressure when my parents went to South America. And India. The first time they went to South America, I got sick. I almost died. I was eight. And the second time they went to India we stayed with five women, single white women, who had a house. And at the time I didn't know white women couldn't own a house or couldn't own a credit card. So so they had to be like in a coven or a co like a group of women in order for them to even live by themselves without being married, without physical intimacy. The pressure to conform was so great that I didn't understand that. But it but it but knowing that women could live and be happy. without men. I like I saw that when I was age 10. And so the whole notion of the other or or like a duality in terms of certain women had certain rights and that's a hard concept to understand if you've never ever experienced it. But at the same time too this whole notion of love and intimacy Marina Crane (24:30.528) and the practice of intimacy without physical intimacy. I think it's the dismantling the the male the the we'll call the human mind to z to dismantle intimacy as something physical. when it's something emotional that we have to learn how to deal with. And as we age, especially as we grow older and and develop dementia, if we do have if we have not had any c concept of of limerence or or what's that word, erodomania, if we have not dealt with our healing process with these core values and beliefs around intimacy, when we become old and our minds are aging and we're looking for intimacy, if we haven't had a practice of emotional intimacy, we're going to be gravitating to physical intimacy. Okay, so I'll use an example, two stories of elderly couples, elderly people in nursing homes during the pandemic. So children put their parents in a nursing home and they were surprised that their mother became promiscuous in the nursing home, slept with all of the eld all the elderly men. They were surprised and shocked. But yet the reality of the aging mind, especially with a woman who who was always sub submissive submissive and and was serving their husbands. for pleasure. That's all she knows. Physical intimacy. Like at at what point at what point in the relationship did they have emotional intimacy without the physical because it showed up w when they were in a nursing home with an aged brain. The the other example is these men put their father in a nursing home and in the middle of the dining room he gets up and he yells, I want sex Marina Crane (26:27.562) And and so they had to bring in his sons and they had to figure out how they're going to help this elderly man deal with his the aging and being alone in you know, in care in a nursing home. so what they did is they bought him an iPad, got him hooked up to the internet and and subscribed him to porn, a porn site, so he could have that dopamine rush. that that sex that dopamine rush so he that's how he managed to cope with like wanting that physical intimacy so so the whole notion of of intimacy does play a big deal as we're aging. So for me if if I'm in limerant with with with some man and and I have issues of eroti that man too it's up to me to to balance that out because there's no fallacy in in thinking about that man. And and so what is what are you talking about? When I talk about sing being single, I'm just not talking about females too. There is a part of grieving because we're sexual beings. And so even though we're not physically involved intimately we're still actively emotionally intimate, even within ourselves. So when we go through that process, it's a grieving process. And and so we have to learn how to grieve every day as we age. That in itself takes away the equation of like like the erotomania where you start going into things that are become clinical. which which which has to do with a lot of forensic and all this diagnostic stuff. And you know, and that goes into the deep psychology of things that why people need medication. Marina Crane (28:21.944) However, at the same time too, it's important for people to understand limerence. Every human being experiences limerence. No ifs, buts, or anything about it. I do not care, but people think that's my opinion. That is my opinion. However, in in my previous podcast, when I'm talking about Nathan Chasey Morrison how how the dynamics of erotomania and limerence plays into the predator as well as into the victims. like it's important to understand the nature of of li the nature of coercion or the nature of shame and guilt and how it plays a huge impact on us. So for whatever reason you you don't deal with these things as you're aging, as you're in a relationship, as you're trying to have contact, physical intimacy with not not just physical intimacy, but if you give up physical intimacy like I did 50 years ago, the only option I have is emotional intimacy. And as as as I've grown up and started visiting and talking to other women, I and again, I don't like I I really truly believe even if you try to understand a person's religious beliefs, their values and beliefs. And I'll use my sister's example. Like she's a devout Mormon for fifty years or more. And and there's also so many things about the religious cult like their values and beliefs. I mean, I studied, I had to go, I had to do like it's just like going to Catholic school. You have to learn about Catholicism and the Bible and et cetera. It's the same thing with Mormonism. You've got to learn the their scriptures and study that. And and I always say, you know, learn these things because you need to and I use it just sort of flippantly. Know your enemy. Know their values and beliefs. Marina Crane (30:18.123) because I made the mistake of saying to my sister that I valued the intimacy of women. And and bless her Mormon heart, for decades now she's been gossiping about me being a lesbian because I can find it in her that I liked intimacy with women. Not even questioning why I came up with this conclusion. Not even understanding the reasoning for it is that men have a difficult time being intimate with women. The it's really hard for them because they want physical intimacy. Hello, one plus one equals two. I'm trying to say I there are more women who will talk about, you know, their feelings Like even if it's talking about their ex-husband or their children, anything that has to do with their values and beliefs, that it that's intimacy. But but to misconstrue it and to not understand. And it's the same thing too now with media social media and and a lot of older men realizing that there are a lot of older women who don't want to have physical intimacy. A lot of older women want to have emotional intimacy with men. But but a lot of women just don't want or have the time to train men around emotional intimacy. You know, and these men are lonely. I think there there's there's more of the entitlement, like I am entitled to physical intimacy. And there's a lot of women who have gone through menopause and they're going, No, I'm that hormone isn't isn't isn't overwhelming, that hormone isn't giving driving me to the addiction of physical intimacy. I don't have that anymore. That submissive role playing with male and female physical intimacy. A lot of women step back and say, No, I don't want to participate in it. And there's a lot of Marina Crane (32:14.345) Older men who are just going, What? And they're going, Well, I used to be useful youthful youthful. I used to I If I was in the Olympics of having sexual intercourse, I would have won a gold medal. Like that's how many times they were sexually active phys in physical intimacy. Because again, their hormones override s emotional intimacy. And this older fellow is saying, you know, as you're older and the more you sit in that space, that uncomfortable space, you you need to sit in it. You've got to live in it. you have no choice. And and I I think the whole point too is like to practice emotional intimacy. I I think sometimes like I had a forensic psychologist who was a friend of mine for over thirty years and and so I thought like we were, you know, what do you call in emotionally intimate. You know, we'd have meetings and like we'd talk. Sometimes he'd stay talking with me for five, six hours. His wife would call and say, Are you coming home for supper? So there is the emotional intimacy. Like I said, I practice emotional intimacy. and at the same time too, there there were s times when I really felt like I'd like physical intimacy. But the whole nego negotiating and mediation over values and beliefs with men is is outrageous because they really have a difficult time understanding that that I have I have a say in what I enjoy. Marina Crane (33:51.326) And and if it intimidates women as well, that's not my fault. And and I I think sometimes as women, like my childhood friend, she despises this one woman who's six years older than me, tells me to n to like repeatedly she doesn't like her and then the other day what did she do? She hooked up with that same woman to talk about me. And then I was late for meeting her, but I saw that woman who's six years older than me come out of the building. And today she says, did you see her? And I said, Yeah, but I also saw so and so. But but I w but again too, this woman that's that's my childhood friend, she worked in customs for over thirty years. How she was trained to interrogate people. Hey, she wants to use that same strategy with me. Go ahead. Go ahead. I have nothing to lose at this point in my life. talk about me all you want. The reality of it is like I just do not really care. The amount of rewards that I get in in who I am. As my younger sister told me th repeatedly this this week, d don't share too much of yourself. Be on guard. And as much as I joke with my younger sister about death and dying and my childhood friend said to me, Have you prepared like when you die? And I said, Yes, I have a will and she said, She has a will. And and you know, I like it's it's like the other day my sister ended up in the ICU. She's seventy three. Put a breathing tube down her. The next day they took the tube out of her and she was awake. Now, when you have the when you're got a code card, what you're going to do, you know, if you have a heart attack or you or you die, like do you want to be resuscitated? So that question was asked about my sister and my younger sister told the nurse, Yes, sh you know, do CPR on her. Marina Crane (35:55.021) Like we know the outcome when you when you're older and you get C PR, you're you're gonna end up with more home care needs than if you didn't. And and I like I said to my sister, I you know, I I know coding, I'd sooner get CPR than than than not be resuscitated. I said that maybe when I'm getting a little older, closer to eighty, I'd change my my my card and my will. But but the reality of it is like when you reach a certain age, the hospital in the Doctors already have these protocols for your age group. And so that's what I was saying to my childhood friend just this evening. And even today, like with my sister, my younger sister, we were talking, and I said, Well, these things I I already do. I said, even when I went to Las Vegas, I I got my travel insurance, like my I made sure I had the doctor fill out my code card, so I carried it with me with my with my medication. And the fellow that traveled with me, I gave him my my hotel room key. like because even though like because if there was an emergency and I had a heart attack and I would I could text him and say I need help. He could come into my room with the key. But at the same time too I neglected to tell him that I had a code card so that so that when they go through my medication they would see it that I want to be resuscitated. So these things I have to practice when I'm traveling and I'm single and I'm you know living independently because I live alone I live alone here I have I have a life alert bracelet you know I I have access to the tribal police and they'll come at a drop of a hat. I am like I'm secure I'm really blessed. I know a lot of single people a lot of single people women don't have what I have. I I know that because I've had enough time talking to to older women and like I was saying to my childhood friend, I said to her, I stopped gambling. I said, Well there are certain addictions where you have to ease off, like alcohol and drugs you ease off. porn you ease off. I said, but there are certain addictions where you just have to go cold turkey. And I said, and for me gambling is one of those addictions, human addictions, where you have to just go cold turkey. That's it. Marina Crane (38:18.957) She says, Well, how long have you been off? And I said, Well, I didn't even gamble, like until I was in my mid fifties. I said, and even then, like the fact that I haven't been sexually active in fifty years, just cold turkey, it's not it's not something that that what don't think I can handle. So a lot of these things that I'm learning later on in life, 'cause like I said, I most of the time when I look at obituaries, like there's people dying in their fifties, sixties, even in their forties, like my brother in law died at forty nine. My you know, my father died at fifty two. My uncle, one of them died at sixty one, the other one died at thirty five. My younger brother died at thirty five. You know, I've c it's my my older brother died at sixty nine. So Yeah. as as we age and as we try to take care of ourselves both physically and mentally, it it's it's up to us to do it and to form social intimacies with people, with total strangers, because at a moment when it's our time to leave this earth, we're going to have to have some emotional intimacy with with someone who's going to be there holding our hand, taking our last breath. And and y there's a certain point where you just think, Okay, I'm gonna do this. I am going to travel or I'm gonna like go go and have a meal. Little things that that I took for granted when I was younger. I I don't now that I'm older. And the fact that my sister is still recovering in the hospital from pneumonia. I you know, and I have another sister who's lived with lupus for over 20 years, 30 years. Yeah, I've known a a younger woman, she passed away a few years ago. She lived with Marina Crane (40:10.148) Mm-hmm. And and she lived right until she was like in her sixties. So all things considering, we don't know when it's her time and we don't know how like what we're how we're going to react with things. But I do know that when I plan things I have to be very cautious and you know make sure that I I'm have the capacity to do things. So I wanted to just talk about the love stories with my grandfather, my parents, and my younger sister. I know everybody has their cur it the creation story. When you got together and you started creating life. And I I don't know. I like I said, I fell in love when I was eighteen and I just turned eighteen. And if there was anybody out there who could search for him, but I I'm pretty sure he's passed away. He was from California and he had deserted He had served in Vietnam and he j just didn't want to get deployed back like he I think he was on r a relief when he came back from Vietnam and I think he was gonna get be sent back again and he just took off with his friends into Canada, into Vancouver. and the the thing about it is like strategically it was just an influx of draft dodgers and draft deserters and and runaways all landing in Vancouver. And the fact when I jokingly say I think he was an alien, only because of the experience I had with him was was really profound and the fact that Marina Crane (41:55.723) the police were were actually had surveillance on me because of how dangerous he was. And and that's why I say I don't think he I don't think he lived that much longer because the things that he had to do just to survive on the streets of Vancouver, especially after he's been had been deployed in Vietnam and had killed. That's why I say when my father was trained in combat service to kill like like the ch the the family friend Dakota Dakota Lakota man named Jim killed thirty-eight Vietnamese when he was in Vietnam. And he said to me, Marina, as to say anything bad about somebody, to gossip about somebody, he said that's how easy it is to kill a human being. And and and for Jim to educate me on how mean people can be, how cruel. Like I already thought about lateral violence and all the gossip around me, trying to discredit me, trying to make me look that I w like I was insane. when Jim came into my life and he was here, friends with my family, and he talked about how people would pray bad for people. And I thought, how could people do this? How could people do this? And I'll tell you the story like how it manifested it how he how these hung prayers manifest themselves. But I but I want to reiterate some things about the serial rapists that that had they had they had over ten victims in in my community and I was the youngest, and that the RCP had a record of all of them that they had stood in front of the judge. s thirty some odd years ago and told the judge that I wasn't the only victim, but the other victims, over ten, maybe twelve of the women, refused to have their names exposed or even come forward to to press charges. They were they the RCMP told the judge they refused to come forward. now, what does it have to do with hung prayers? Marina Crane (44:14.751) Okay, if I was bitter and spiteful and I wanted revenge or retaliation, that's not why I took this man to court. I had our it was already twenty years. Twenty years had passed. I li you know, and and again, all the things that I was doing in my life to get an education had nothing to do with this serial rapist. But I wanted closure. And when we talk about closure with Nathan Chasing Morse, I've gone through different measures of closure in my life. But to have closure, taking this man to court was was something where I could face him and say, You hurt me just a simple sentence of you hurt me. And this is how you hurt me. Like it it was at the point where where I was so backed up against the wall that I thought if I ever got sexually assaulted I would kill the perpetrator. It wasn't the fact of the f like what they forced me to do. And if it triggers you, I apologize. It wasn't that fact. It wasn't the fact that the guy beat me up Like like the first punch I was unconscious and he he obviously he kept on hitting me, which I'm grateful I wasn't awake to feel it. That that that wasn't the the the main cause of what I why I wanted to have closure. It was the lateral violence and the the emotional intimacy that I tried having with other women in my community who'd been sexually assaulted that wouldn't do nothing to heal. And and because they wouldn't do nothing, they projected all this insanity on me as if I was the one who was crazy, rather than them denying that been they'd been sexually assaulted. And it still persists today. Like I said, my childhood friend we were supposed to eat yesterday. You know, she's still like it's Marina, it's not my fault, you know. And I'm going, no, this is the outcome of deniability. Marina Crane (46:14.424) This is the outcome of hung prayers. Whether or not people want to believe it, like and I use the example of my cousin a couple of months ago coaching me to kill myself. That's hung prayers. That's an example of an extreme example of hung prayers. But when Jim's talking about hung prayers, it it it just amazed me like the how delicate he was in interpreting it. And the only reason I talk about emotional intimacy. is because healing is a part of healing so that you don't have to pray bad for other people. When when you when you don't when you don't have it in you to to face your fear or heal from that emotional pain, that y then you gravitate to physical intimacy. You know, especially w when I was looking after high risk girls, those girls they would poke themselves, cut into themselves just to feel pain. Like the whole nature of a physical pain just to feel alive. Because whatever happened to them, they numbed themselves. So so when I talk about physical and physical and emotional intimacy, it it balances with erotic and limerence. From from the time of you know the trauma gata traumatic event happened. So again I go back to hung prayers. I say to my childhood friends, the serial rapists that were here ha a lot of their families have suffered. These men's families have suffered. One of them, his entire family, has died. And I said to them, I said to my childhood friend, it I had nothing to do with it. I have no hung prayers to his his his wife the their wives or their children. I said I I when I took him to court, that was it. I I dealt with it, what do you call it? Closure. Closure. I even had to go and confront the last remaining sister. Marina Crane (48:20.117) And I say to her, I don't have any bad feelings towards you. Because however she thought that I would be praying bad for her, I wanted her to know, no, that was not in my agenda. It's never has been. It's been just to deal with what their hus her husband and her brother-in-law did to me. And she just denied c accountability. She says, No, no, my sister and I drove up to the house because we wanted to pick up the car and we went into the r upstairs and my sister dragged you out of the out of the bed naked and just started kicking you in the head with her steel toed boots. And I'm going, No, you came to the house to pick up your car. I was unconscious in that car with blood. I s and again she says, Well, she did had steel toed boots. I said, How the hell did she know that I you know, if if she didn't see me in the car all bloody, then how did she know I had head head injuries? So she knew. And she and I said, No, I heard you I heard you running out of the house, screaming and crying and po and taking off. I I remember being frozen there 'cause I thought this guy's gonna come and drag me out of the car, but he didn't. I just don't think he cared if I froze to death. But I managed to walk in the snow to the neighbor's house and they called an ambulance. Now, what does it have to do with hung prayers? See, I had a friend, she passed away. We were friends for thirty years. And when I took this guy to court and I told her my story, even though we've been friends, like I said, sometimes the narrative in f in terms of emotional intimacy, is talking with other women about la the trauma we've gone through, the the the trauma we share as women. And she said to me, Marina, was that you? I I said, What do you mean? She says that morning that like the that lady dropped off her sister at my house. She said she stayed in my house for fifteen for two weeks 'cause she was so beaten up because he took a baseball bat to the two of them. Marina Crane (50:24.47) And I said that to this lady when I told her I had no regrets. I wanted her to know I had no ill feelings to her or her family, that I wanted to leave this world having closure, no regrets. And and the thing about it, like that w that was my good intention. I wanted closure. And at that time, like I said, I I did all that. I was still dealing with all this stuff like this cult mentality that Nathan Chasenhorse had perpetrated against me with people I've grown up with in my community. And again, these hung prayers. The reality that there are a lot of men and women who pray bad for other people. And for whatever reason they have low self-esteem or they haven't accomplished or they think they're they don't have any talent or nothing to show for their lives. I have nothing to do with praying bad for them. I don't. But for them to be jealous of me or to belittle me or to, you know, make some story up about me, it it's nothing new. It's nothing new. But I but I wanted to make the distinction about hung prayers. And I wanted you to know too, and this is what I say to my childhood friend, the one who's in denial of her own sexual abuse. her own childhood abuse, I wanted her to know that even though I had peace, made peace and closure with being physically sexually attacked, that there were all these women who didn't. And it's all these women who had children and grandchildren, like these people are over older than me, six, ten years older than me, that were victims of these serial rapists. And that they had raised like it they projected all this hatred, all this these hung prayers onto these men and their families without ever physically confronting them and saying, You hurt me. See, I did that. And I tried to explain that in my podcast. And not everybody can p face their perpetrators. The whole the whole Marina Crane (52:34.305) What it called historical judge and s jury, or the j the whole way of Nathan Choice Morse being caught and the dynamics of how many years the delay, the the witness statements, all that, all that conjuring up, you have to investigate that trial to understand erotic and limerence in terms of cult mentality. Because again, you're you you it has to be all written down legally. Legally, legally. And once you understand that, like there's what they say, the truth will set you free. But I let me get back to to hung prayers. So Jim and again about emotional intimacy. He was quite aware of you know his his him being a veteran. He was quite aware of the vulnerability of physical intimacy. And and so he he he wo he did, he told me about hung prayers. He says, I I went up to Watap what do they call it? Muscacheese, Muscacheese, it's Hobima, Alberta, you can Google it. And he said there was an elderly Cree man who had died, and the community was so afraid of him for whatever reason. I he didn't tell me. They're just afraid of him. And they called me up, because he's from South Dakota. And they called me up and I came. He says, and I prayed over I went to the funeral home, prayed over his body, went to his house, prayed, smudged his house, went to the gravesite, prayed over the burial site, everything. He says, and the and the funeral director saw all this. He said the funeral director after we buried this elderly man came up to me and he told told Jim, I saw what you did. I want I want to show you something. Come to the funeral home tomorrow. Marina Crane (54:23.638) And Jim said, okay. So he went to the funeral home and the funeral director who looks after all the Crees and Muscatese and even the Somalians, like other people that come in, the immigrants, and he told them he he said he he says, I want to show you something. And he had a mason jar. And in this mason jar had all these objects, like some had stones with feathers in it or sticks, like stuff that chemically wise, like how did they how did they fuse together like that? And and the funeral director says, When I'm preparing bodies, the dead bodies for burial, these objects fall out of the out of their s out of their bodies. I find them on the floor. And he says, and I've collected them, and I asked Jim, What are they? And Jim says, Those are hung prayers. Those are the prayers like when we talk about energy, or we talk about the physical aspect. When I say physical intimacy, when I talk about the physical aspect and what energy does, when somebody prays bad about somebody. These prayers, they're called hung prayers, they manifest themselves in the physical body of the person they're praying bad for. Now when Jim told me that I was totally shocked because I because I I didn't quite understand what was good medicine or bad medicine. I'd heard about it through throughout my childhood and the fact too that I had stared right down the face of Nathan Chasinghorse who practiced bad medicine. Because it's such a w we'll say you have to really grasp your own sense of self. You have to grasp like what what do you understand about emotional intimacy versing versus physical intimacy. So when Jim told me this and he said I took all those seal those mason jars, he said there were big mason jars, maybe six of them. And the funeral director wanted to have him to take them. So he took them so he could prepare f prepare them like you know, in prayer and and send them off in a good way. And and so it really made me think Marina Crane (56:31.441) And and even though people have all this anger and or they they have all this rage about their childhood trying to justify or f out of fear create a fantasy or or a delusion, there's also like the a delusional a d a dil delusional disorder. And that's erotomania. Like there's a clinical definition of it. And and limerence, like I said, limerence, everybody experiences it. But it's but it's the balance of the two. that somehow you tip you can tip yourself into the deeper the deeper side of of psychosis. and I'm and I'm using that very flippantly. I just want my audience, like I want you to understand the the nature of our thoughts and how they manifest it onto other people, even if you don't want that intention, if you're not careful and if you do not address it. that individual will feel it or sense it. And and so having closure with the whole nature of Nathan Chasing Horse is is having is having to describe that because the the hung prayers that that he tried to generate d by his cult followers towards me, not just in the United States and in ca in Canada, but even within my community. that that closure in itself, I truly believe if I hadn't gone and dealt with my own sexual abuse, if I hadn't confronted my own perpetrator, if I hadn't if I if I shoulda, woulda, coulda, the understanding the nature between physical intimacy and emotional intimacy, it's important. And that's why as we age When we start developing dementia and Alzheimer's Marina Crane (58:30.944) And that small wall that separates the left and right hemisphere starts to disintegrate. Or even how we manage things as we age. A lot of people say people who are narcissistic, who are psychopaths or or what's the ones who are born with with it and are sociopaths and psychopaths. Yeah. I think one is born with it and the other one is created. I think the sociopath is created. And and the fact that when you age the your brain, the brainstem, like you just are in total denial. So so it it makes perfect sense that Nathan Chasinghorse would be in total denial of the fact of what he did. Because because the whole concept of of physical intimacy is his domain. Nothing nothing because he was born that way. So and I'm not making excuses for people who were born that way. There you can get help, but but but I swear, I I did try to help him. I tr I told him to to go to the tribal police and and talk to them. Like like really had at any point when he all those years, those decades that he was abusing children, did anybody even go up to him and tell him, Turn yourself in? Did any man go up to him and tell him, tell him, D turn yourself in, talk to the police. See, my intentions were good intentions. That's the only way I knew how to even try and get the message across and Marina Crane (01:00:17.409) Because I knew the capacity he had to to manipulate people because nobody was listening to me. This was in September. There was like spring, April, Mar April, May, June, July, August, September. Yeah, six months. He had six months to to have coercial control over his cult as he was grooming them here in my community. And like I said, sometimes limerence lasts a couple of weeks, sometimes three years. Erodomania, that's another whole dimension of how long it lasts, and the psychological counseling that people need. So even though I talk about emotional intimacy, you have it's a cautionary note too, that when you're seeking emotional intimacy that it's a safe place. It's the same thing with physical intimacy too. You've got to, you know, if you're gonna be sexually active and have sexual intercourse, it it all needs to be done in a safe safe place and how to articulate that both emotionally and physically. So that's my cautionary tale. I wanted to talk about love, the love of my grandparents, love of my parents, and the love of my younger sister. And all the love stories out there. Nothing nothing like they have in the Hollywood romance of Disneyland or anything like that. and it always amazes me it just how simple it is. How simple it is to just not give yourself because I I think it's just a real mystery, a great like the great mystery. A great Wacon whole like Wacan Creator is the great mystery. So with that, I hope you have a pleasant day. Tomorrow is November 11th. And if I if I feel good and I feel that I need to be in the presence of my community talking about my late father, I'll do that. I know a lot of people sometimes when I talk they cry. And I don't know if I have it in me to do that for him. Marina Crane (01:02:39.999) I know I do it off this podcast. Marina Crane (01:02:45.537) But it it just it just bothers me that you know, like they they invited people and they didn't even invite any of my family to talk about my dad today. You know, and the question is why should I even care? But for me, when I think about my dad at eighteen, and I think about all these young young men and women, seventeen and eighteen in high school, who, you know, have such dreams of either going to a trade or university or working, even to see to have jobs and to fall in love. And the fact that there's such great odds against them. I want I would think and having tell telling my father's story is to let them understand just how hard it was. We think it's hard now with all this social media and so much openness towards pornography and human trafficking and drugs and alcohol and gambling. that you know, that we we have to understand the people who came before us had it harder. And I used to say that to my late mother about her mother and my grandmothers. And and so it's a cautionary tale, even with my life, when I talk up to my nieces and I and I say, you know, like I yes I had a hard life, but I chose this life. I know I would have been dead a long time ago if I had chose a different life. And I don't know what Creator has in store for me. I don't know how long any well any of us know that. We don't know when it's our time. But I am just grateful that I have the internet. I'm grateful that I have a community. Marina Crane (01:04:42.505) And and maybe, yes, maybe I will go because you know, seeing people I've grown up with, and for us to be all elderly now, it it warms my heart. It warms my heart when I see them because it's childhood memories. And and the fact that people like they know me. I'm just grateful. it's like I have a huge, huge family. And I do, I do have a huge, huge family. I just wish I could share that that feeling with so many people who ha who don't have community, who don't have that connection with with people they've they've been raised with as children. So much of that is what they call civilization. No, I don't think so. You know, when I look at the Mayans and I look at the Sioux and I look at all the indigenous people, they had family. They knew what family was. That connection, right in from the time they're born until the time they die, that connection was there. And the fact that we are so dispersed into these huge cities. Not having connection with our brothers and sisters or our parents or grandparents or people that we've grown up with our whole lives who can look at us and know our dirty little secret as secrets as children, whether or not I shoplifted a ring out of Sears su store or any little thing like that, what that we did, like hello, you know, it's important to bring those memories, even though they were mischievous and childlike. But the reality of it is that we're live and we're sharing these stories and when we share these stories with each other it uplifts us. And so hopefully when I do talk about my father and I do have the capacity to do it, but I do it in such a way that people understand I am doing it with good intention. It's not to shame anybody. As much as there are people Marina Crane (01:06:49.311) Okay. This is the opposite. Okay, this is the opposite. Because like I I jokingly say to my sister, on my obituary, say that I was a rodeo queen champion or I was like the the fancy dance champion of nineteen ninety or something like I said you know, because the majority of people that I that be again, all because of this lack of physical emotional intimacy, when when they do the obituaries they really exaggerate. Like they just say, he had his masters in computer science. I never known the guy to go to go to university. Or I have a teacher's degree and I'm going, but you had ten kids like When did you go to university? Like things that you know physically and emotionally are impossible. And that like when they s when they got their degree, why weren't they celebrated? Like I have a cousin who says her her son's a doctor. And yet if he was a doctor, the the the community would have celebrated this indigenous doctor. Like they've done with all other doctors, all other indigenous doctors in the community. So there is there there is a tipping point of, you know, indigenous people. People pretending to have accomplished some things that they haven't. And and maybe they're writing on the coattails of Buffy St. Marie. But for whatever reason, I jokingly say, you know, like, this is the reality. This is who my father was, and this is who I am. This is who my family is. the reality of it is like there are some, I I won't name names. But I know that woman's gonna be there tomorrow. I know her children are gonna be th there tomorrow. She's gonna be turning ninety. Can you understand that? My father would be turning a hundred years old. He joined the he jo enlisted when he was eighteen. Like like understand that. Minus nine years. Marina Crane (01:08:51.745) That means that lady would have been nine years old when my father enlisted in World War Two. And yet the entire community believes she's a veteran because she said so. And from what I understand, her stories are even getting more elaborate. Now she even drove tranks. So this whole aging brain and dementia and Alzheimer's really, you know, as we age And hopefully like when I do my podcast, like I'm saying, the capacity for people to fantasize or to make up stories that aren't true is part of that aging process. And when you have it indigenous on indigenous, those stories are grandiose. And and you know, when my childhood friend says, Well, you should confront them, I said, Why should I? That's not my narrative, that's not my story. I know the truth. I know exactly like this this woman had a very long drinking career. Like she was very she was so ashamed of being indigenous because she had lost her status. So there's a lot of bitter feelings in terms of identity and belonging and and how much how much she hungers, how addicted she is for people to listen to her story, that she fabricates these stories, and she just wants to go and be around those people. And most of the people that she's around are at the casino. And and they believe her. You know, there are white people that believe her. And that's why I say like the need for that addiction to be validated by white people, by indigenous people who've had t terrible childhoods, who who've been had who've been beaten up by white people, and they carry that with them throughout their lives. That is not their fault. Marina Crane (01:10:46.903) That it's not their fault, but it's up to us to understand why they believe why they be believe and behave the way they do. I have no ill feelings towards her for creating that story. But but the reality of this is my l father's life. And and you know, he's not alive to to bear testimony to what I'm saying. And and the thing is, but I'm here. I'm here. I'm here to validate that these are the accomplishments that he did in his lifetime. And whether or not people know who he is, that's up to me to tell his story. Nobody else. Because I'm the oldest I'm the oldest in the within the family. So I put it out there in my podcast, hoping somebody has this and the capacity to see it. Like I said, I fell in love when I was nineteen or eighteen, with a with a man who was twenty five years old. And I jokingly say, I think he was from another planet. So again, great mystery. Maybe that's what love is all about, right? We're all we're all interdi interdimensional species and all of a sudden we find each other because we're so alien. I you know, you can understand why I gravitate to science fiction. Anyway, enough of that. I'm gonna go to bed. I didn't I wanted to post something because I know it's gonna be November eleventh. I know I'm gonna be busy all day if I do go. And and I don't have the capacity to to spend time doing this podcast tomorrow 'cause I'm anticipating I'll be tired. But with that, I I hope that you have some insight into the powers of of healing and the consequences to not healing, even though you think it's nobody's business, and you're right, it's nobody's business. But I but I do believe it's a blessing to have closure. And it's a blessing to to be on that journey with someone. Marina Crane (01:12:55.64) who is is also, you know, c having closure at the same time. It's very important, it's a very intimate thing that you sh that we share with each other. So so with that, like I I I just want to express my gratitude that I've lived as long as I have lived and that I'm able to articulate the things that bother me. And at the same time, even though they bother me, I always s jokingly say to my younger sister, my love my love language is so different. You know, because I was raised with uncles. I was raised like my father was military. My my uncles were s were cowboys. I said, my language of intimacy is Damaged shit and like I used to even say what was that word? somebody somebody was saying, I used to say, geez, us. Like they said, What did you say? Like they thought I was saying Jesus. And I wasn't, I was going, jeez and then I'm starting a sentence, rather than saying, I did this, I said, us, we did this. Like 'Cause that's how I saw people with a second language talked English. Excuse me. Excuse me. White people thought I was swearing when I said, geez, us, we d we did this. Like they couldn't un comprehend it. But again, too, that's how I interpreted what they're saying in an indigenous language. My interpretation with English. like and again, who gets labeled as the savage? Anyway, ha little insight, little inside joke, right? Okay. Have a good night. Wo Pida Mi Dokia Piawasana Creator, grandfathers, grandmothers, I will be done.