The right to define one's own life rather than living according to fears, expectations, or inherited shame.

Thank you for sharing this. Across the podcast, I hear several themes woven together, and they all seem connected by one central idea: the work of dismantling beliefs that were inherited rather than chosen. A few themes stood out strongly: 1. Shame and women's sexuality You return repeatedly to the idea that many women, especially from older generations, were taught that their value came from sacrifice, obedience, and meeting other people's needs. Pleasure, desire, attraction, and sexual agency were often treated as something shameful. What seems important in your reflection is not simply sexuality itself, but how silence around it can leave people without language to understand their own experiences. The quotes you shared from various podcasts point toward a similar observation: many women were taught what they should do, but not how to understand what they feel. 2. Trauma, coercion, and the difference between intimacy and intensity The discussion about limerence was particularly interesting because it highlights a distinction that many people struggle with: Intensity is not intimacy. Chemistry is not compatibility. Attraction is not proof of safety. That idea connects directly to your concerns about grooming, coercive control, trafficking, and abuse. A person can feel overwhelming emotions while simultaneously being drawn into a harmful situation. The emotional experience is real, but it does not automatically mean the relationship is healthy. 3. Intergenerational trauma and Indigenous communities You describe the challenge of understanding present-day problems through a larger historical lens. Residential schools, the Indian Act, family violence, addiction, racism, displacement, and community disruption did not occur in isolation. What I hear you saying is that healing requires more than identifying individual perpetrators. It also requires examining systems, beliefs, and patterns that were passed from one generation to another. That does not excuse harmful behavior, but it helps explain why some communities continue to struggle with issues such as silence, victim-blaming, family loyalty, and the protection of abusers. 4. Creativity as survival One of the most powerful passages was the story of the imprisoned writer who used toilet paper and an eyebrow pencil to write. The lesson wasn't simply that writing is therapeutic. It was that creativity creates freedom even in confinement. That seems to resonate deeply with your own experience of blogging, podcasting, and telling stories. Throughout the transcript, you describe writing as something that allowed you to keep speaking when nobody seemed willing to listen. For many survivors, creativity is not a hobby. It becomes a way of preserving identity. 5. Boundaries as a form of healing Another theme running through your reflections is boundaries. Earlier in life, you describe trying to explain yourself, gain understanding, gain empathy, or convince others. Later, you describe realizing that some people were not going to understand regardless of how clearly you explained things. That shift from explanation to boundary-setting appears to be an important part of your healing process. As you put it, there comes a point where you have to "climb off the cross" and stop sacrificing yourself trying to change people's minds. 6. The importance of difficult conversations Perhaps the strongest message throughout the podcast is that difficult conversations need to happen. Not because they are comfortable. Not because everyone agrees. But because silence creates conditions where shame, abuse, coercion, and misunderstanding can flourish. Whether the topic is sexuality, trafficking, grooming, residential schools, trauma bonding, or women's autonomy, your argument seems to be that people cannot heal from experiences they are forbidden to discuss. What struck me most is that your reflections are not really about sex alone. They are about dignity, autonomy, trust, safety, and the right to define one's own life rather than living according to fears, expectations, or inherited shame. And throughout the podcast, there is an underlying belief that healing begins when people are allowed to tell the truth about their experiences, even when those truths make others uncomfortable. Marina Crane (00:01.538) Well, I it's November first and believe it or not, this isn't my first attempt at trying to record this podcast. but again trial and error until we get it perfect. Now this was on TikTok and it's emotionally at gravity channel. And so we'll just start it off and then we'll have some discussion. Women get horny when she actually likes you. When desire exists, everything lands. When it doesn't, every move feels like work. You cannot negotiate chemistry. She notices your scent, your voice, your hands, your eyes, and the way you make her feel. A calm, confident voice can do more than a a rehearsed line. Hold eye contact a second longer. And sometimes that silence says everything. When she feels emotionally safe, her guard drops. She can't surrender while her nervous system feels threatened. Understand her, make her laugh, remember the little things. One deep conversation can create more tension than ten pickup lanes. She may notice your hands while you're focused on your abs, and yes, hormones can turn the volume up too. Men often notice the woman. Women often remember the experience. How you made her feel is what stays. So the reason I played that is The day you realize women get horny for reasons men Okay, and again her it's th the emotional gravity channel that's on TikTok. And the reason I played that is because a lot of times as a indigenous elder woman when I talk to other indigenous elder women, it's a very difficult conversation to talk about how how I felt being around a man or how he made me feel. there's part of this narrative that she talks about in terms of feeling like be being able to feel comfortable enough to to you know like feel like actually feel how the the person is making you feel. Marina Crane (02:26.018) Well, I I tend to think like a lot of the problems is in terms of actually feeling like the the what she called it the hormones is because we repress it. We've repressed it and and so the discussion about healthy human sexuality sort of is r has its rigidity and and basically in a sense its roots in denial. A lot of times too, I think it has to do with early childhood Like when you're when you become sexually active as a teenager and young adult. A woman's pleasure was never talked about. We were told when we were younger that a woman who has sex well, you have to you have to wait till you have till you're married. Once you're married, you're supposed to have sex to make your husband happy. But a woman who enjoys sex is fast. Meaning you're a slut. That is the term used. So I also grew up thinking of this as not a good thing. Like, you know, that's an inherent thing that's put into your brain. The next thing was that when you do find yourself in that moment of pleasure, whether you know, this is you're going out with somebody, you kiss, you make out, you find yourself feeling pleasured. There's that guilt that is in your head. Yeah. It pulls you back. Then there is also the Marina Crane (03:52.878) Think about the the importance of the man's pleasure and the dismissive attitude towards a woman's pleasure. So automatically if you wanted more you believed that you were a slut and the other person equally is listening to the same narrative. A woman's pleasure was never talked about. We were to that's why like it now with social media we're talking about woman's pleasure. And and even that, just the topic like talking to someone on the phone for me as an Indigenous elder, i is very uncomfortable for the other person on the other end of the phone. And and rather than dealing with like the self, they start the that that person over there or this happened to my relative or and and that's not the tone of it. The tone of it is like the e the experience of of of what it is like to like when you were growing up, like this lady said, a lot of times women you know, got married and like even if you enjoyed it then you were a slut. And at the same time too, I think a lot of the things that happen in human trafficking, especially with like mu like you wonder how can a mother traffic their daughter? Or how could a mother give up her child to a sexual predator thinking that he was going to marry her or give her a better life without the understanding that she was going to be trafficked. All because the mom, narcissistic, Machiavellian, w whatever psychological label you want to put on it, has this notion that she's a good woman, this this shame of her inj not enjoying like like it's like it's it's a sh you're a good woman if you're you're ple pleasuring your husband. You're a good woman if you submit to the husband. and and you're a good woman if you're supporting your child. Marina Crane (05:52.205) To the point where you have t you're you you you sort of dismiss your child in the sense because you're constantly fighting to make sure that people see you as a good woman. And I and again too, I think it has a lot to do with with the relationships that that a yo like a young woman has or or how she was treated growing up. And Like I like I said, it's it's it's it's an interesting notion that as as you grow up and you have a daughter and you don't have the ability to even talk to your daughter about healthy human sexuality, then then where where does it go? you know, I I I I really think there are there's a lot of issues that happen that allow human trafficking to take place. And and you see it like in underdeveloped countries, you know, where you have like child brides and even I mean there are what I forget how many states in the United States that still allows adults to marry children. Why is this such a a topic for me? And see again, even the topic even the topic is triggering and and women look and say, Well, why, Marina, are you talking about this? And it isn't it isn't my own personal experience where they tried to project it onto me and I'm going, No, don't even think that that's the type of life that I've lived. I'm s I'm saying this because It's important for women to talk about it. Now, a lot of times when when I went to therapy it was because the people that I grew up were shunning me and treating me like I was a traitor to Nathan Chasing Horse. Now this lady, it's called Where Does Happiness Come From? Marina Crane (07:53.229) Now I hope I don't know why she's not coming through. Marina Crane (08:09.448) And it could I I don't know the other one came through. so it it's beyond me. Let's try it again one more time. Th the thing is like it's a central message and it's part of, you know, what I hoped Marina Crane (08:32.737) No, it's not coming through. what I'll do though is I'll I'll disconnect it from the media and then just put it on my regular on my regular Marina Crane (08:51.477) app and we'll see how this how it goes because I tell I tell you sometimes sometimes things that I watch on Instagram I just I get this what's the word? I just here let's try Nori who created statues also breathe 108 terracotta portraits made in collaboration with students and the actual families of the abducted girls. Each portrait commemorating those still missing when the body of work was created in 2022. Angelina Jolie's foundation would later support the international tour of Prune Nori's work globally, advocating for more girls to be released. And in bearing witness to all this, the question I keep returning to is: were the men responsible for this ever truly held accountable for their banditry? What do the disproportionately small consequences men face for sexually abusing women say about how seriously society takes rape culture? Let's look at the story of Gulnaz in Afghanistan. A woman who was jailed for adultery because her rapist was married to her cousin. She was forced to then birth her rapists now. I don't know if you can hear it when she left clearly, she was forced to move- But that like that's why I I thought if I could if I could have it clear. like taped then then maybe like you'd be able to hear it. So again we'll see if it works. If it doesn't it doesn't. If Like I said, some of them work. Some of the some of them do work. I've been thinking a lot about the connection between Angelina Jolie and the 276 Chebok schoolgirls kidnapped, raped, and forcefully married by Boko Haram militia in 2014. Well, we have to begin with French multidisciplinary artist Prun Nouri, who created Statues Also Breathe, 108 terracotta portraits made in collaboration with students and the actual families of the abducted girls. Marina Crane (10:54.305) Portrait commemorating those still missing when the body of work was created in 2022. Angelina Jolie's foundation would later support the international tour of Prune Nori's work globally, advocating for more girls to be released. And in bearing witness to all this, the question I keep returning to is: were the men responsible for this ever truly held accountable for their banditry? What do the disproportionately small consequences men face for sexually abusing women say about how seriously society? Takes rape culture. Let's look at the story of Gulmaz in Afghanistan. A woman who was jailed for adultery because her rapist was married to her cousin. She was forced to then birth her rapist's baby in jail, and when she left jail, she was forced to marry him as his second wife. The survivor carried the punishment. The perpetrator retained his place in society as a husband and father. In a CNN interview, he called this tradition. But feel like in many regressive societies like Afghanistan, tradition is built upon a culture of shame that hangs over women like a sword, they must either live by or die by. And Hollywood isn't exempt to the institutional rot when it comes to this very regressive attitude towards women. I struggled to listen to this disturbing revelation Elle Fanning made during a roundtable discussion with the Hollywood Reporter. I was 16, I was literally 16 years old, and this person said, she didn't get the father-daughter. a road trip comedy because she's unfuckable. Let's be clear, it was evident that this kind of talk, hypersexualizing underage actresses, was normalized in the film industry with no consequences. The perfect breeding ground for the rape culture that made it possible for the likes of Harvey Weinstein to operate. And now, in Ohio, Amy Acton's unthinkable childhood sexual abuse at the hands of her stepfather has become ammunition in a political campaign. Her Republican opponent, Vivek Ramaswamy, has used Acton's estranged mother in a four million years. Marina Crane (12:57.281) Million dollar attack ad calling her daughter a liar. The mother who nurtured her daughter's abuser until his death. The mother who didn't believe her daughter in the way many survivors are not believed. Hi, my name is Joseph. I'm a rape survivor living with PTSD and a Greco-Roman wrestler. And this is day seven of my series Dismantling Rape Culture. So, I thought that was poignant in the sense that. You know, a a a lot of things that changed for me stark like really changed for me. Like I I use I use the metaphor of Moh Arnold Schwarzenegger, whose father was a Nazi, and his explanation of working to dismantle h his the reality of what of what his father taught him. It's the same thing for me when when Nathan Chase Morse came here. Even though I had worked with high-risk suicide girls, the there was a dismantling that I had to do. And and even though I I volunteered and cooked tacos and did everything to try and raise money and get the women involved with their daughters. See, this is the hard thing. We just finished having Halloween. And I I d I don't give out candy, but I but s I had at least five cars come to my place. And and again I was unprepared. So I had this this bowl of candy. Now normally I take a gr you know, I'd take what I need to give and put it in their bag. I said to to the two that came to the door, I'm sorry I don't have anything, just take what you want. And the y that young man, he must have been about twelve, he just grabbed lun lunged into it and just grabbed out a whole handful of candy. I th I thought how greedy. You know, they they had they had so many activities for youth, you know, for candy. And I thought and and then even then talking with my sister who said there were comments where people said teach your children not to be bullies. So Marina Crane (15:03.815) the the whole dis like I said, dismantling notions like how you treat or how you think. So so for me, like when Arnold Swartz and Davis says it was just hard as like he's a bodybuilder, he says it took that much i like mentality to dismantle the way he was raised to think. And so when I explained the Indian Act and when I explained intergenerational trauma, when I explained my parents were in residential school, my grandparents, that I grew up in in a Sioux culture, like generations of genocide. And and I had to dismantle my belief system because like I knew, I knew I had my mother's cousins, they they they like just the using rituals and ceremonies to seduce, especially white women. I mean you think in this day and age, you know, women would be smarter, but you know, and then when Nathan Chasinghorse came here and all the women when I tried to explain limerence to them When I tried to explain he was grooming my niece, I had one woman say to me, he's forgiv he can forgive you can forgive him. Like she was teaching me how to forgive Nathan Chasing Horse for sexually abusing my niece because she said her own experience as as a woman in her healing process, she went to a man, a medicine man, who had told her it's okay to forgive men who have sex with children. And I couldn't believe it because I had gone to her for support. She was working as an alcohol addiction treat like person. And and she ended up giving her daughter to to Nathan within a month. Then I also, too, like when in this video when they're talking about Hollywood, like of course, he was on the set Bury My Hearted Wounded Knee. And, you know, when they say they sexualize young people in Hollywood, like that Weinstein fellow, and even what he did to this indigenous. Marina Crane (17:08.211) Girl. But the the point is the point is is that is that the sexualization like like that young actress saying that they didn't choose her for a part because she was unfuckable. Now with my niece and with the the group of girls and just the the the bullying and the the peer pressure, it was it I I know my niece thought that those young girls thought that my niece was unfuckable to Nathan Chasinghorse. Because she'd wanted to join in with with the group and and the point for me was she had to have a sponsor and all these girls had their mothers but but only a few of them actually took part in raffling or or or or raising money. Instead they went the other way. They went to leadership and and had them pay pay you pay for them. Not that they ever went to the Sundance. I mean I I paid. I even had one of the mothers, the one who gave her daughter away, steal all the hard work that I had done. And and there was no proof and like like I said, I had to dismantle the way I thought that I assumed women thought. Because I just assumed that if I told them this was what was happening, as women they would say, yes, I n you know, I know about grooming, I know about this, but no, it didn't happen that way. And so I had a really difficult time dismantling why are indigenous women in like they're they're in their fifty they're like sixty some of them are sixty now because this took place when they were in their forties and their daughters were fifteen and sixteen. So when when we talk about the castes Marina Crane (18:51.713) system and just how like in terms of feminism and it's in the terms of like when when the drama or when the when the tr like the trauma comes. What do you do? Like I gravitated to my community. I gravitated to the caste system, like the in how the Indian Act set everything up. And understand this too. In in in the caste system with indigenous women, there are also women who have married who who systematically are bullies to other women. And and whether or not we want to see it, it exists. It exists in all society. That's why one of the podcasts talks about women are a hundred a thousand times more narcissistic than men. it's like like like again, there's a dismantling of of the notion of of what it is to to be a free thinking woman. And and even then the jet the whole notion of she's talking about senses of being horny or attracted. And see that's why I talk about this is because the shame of it is so great that it's it's intergenerational. And I'm going, No, it's okay for a woman to have these feelings about about someone they're attracted to because we can't switch it off and on. But even trying to explain that comes with a rebuttal of something's the matter. with Marina Crane. And so the whole dismantling and the criticism of of trying to have help when when when it was just focused on my family. And and so my whole notion is if you have a victim like my niece and it's just my family. Like I said, my family, there's no alcohol or drugs in my siblings. Marina Crane (20:41.154) But it but it's the intergenerational trauma or the behaviour the sex the sexual deviancy that's that was that we were raised in and dismantling it. Like I I I I'm grateful that I had that shame because I had to make some serious decisions on how I chose to live and how I still choose to live and the boundaries that I've had to set because it's not easy setting boundaries. Like they use the metaphor of the the onion and you peel away the onion skin to get to the root of the problem. Well imagine like you're you're you're constantly putting boundaries because you know you you you don't have boundaries 'cause you thought, if I explain this then then I'll have some empathy or they'll see me as a good person when really you don't have boundaries and who's who's who's getting sacrificed on on that cross? all Marina Crane. So you what? I had just I had to climb off that cross, dismantle all that wood and make a sweat. You know, as the fry bread burns, like this has been going on for in generations and generations. I know as an elder there's you know, have stories of elderly women, even when we're in our twenties, saying as the fry bread burns, because it's so historical the notions of what men do to women and and as women how we have to join together to cr create things like create community activities and and try to help help our our nieces and our nephews or whoever you know have understand what it is to be healthy. Now I don't know if this is gonna come through but there is a lady call Kelvin Anderson five five nine and I'm not too sure if sh this is even gonna come through. Marina Crane (22:40.13) Because says here, okay, I'll have to read it out because it's not coming through. It says, I'm a happy person. This is this lady talking about it. She says, I'm a happy person. Marina Crane (22:59.555) People ask me, we heard that you had a very bad life, very painful, and we went and you went to prison, exiled, divorcing three husbands. What? Why are you so happy? I look happy while I am happy, she says. I am a happy person, she says. From where this happiness comes from, she says, from creativity. When I was in prison, she says For three months under Saddam we were not allowed to have any paper and pen. To the prostitutes and the drug dealers and the killers, they all had everything, television, paper, pen, everything. But the political prisoners, and this is who she was, because they didn't want allow us, allow her to have a pen and paper. The jailer came to my cell and tell tell me if I could I asked her if she could find a pen and paper for me for my cell. She says, you know, it's very dangerous if I give you this pen and paper. So I decided, since then I have a pen and paper. So she the prostitutes who helped the jailers to bring us bread, I told her, in fact, woman at point zero And she loved me, so I told her she can bring me paper and pen because I needed to write. She said, okay. The next day she brought me a roll of toilet paper and her eyebrow pen. So for three months, I she says I sat down at night when the jailer go home, and for three months I was writing. Memoirs, my memoirs from the women's prison by this little eyebrow pen and this roll of toilet paper. By writing the pleasures of creativity, the pleasures of writing, I didn't feel prisoner prison. I felt so happy, I was dancing, I was saying jokes. I was not feeling prison at all. so creativity, the pleasure of creativity can erase any pain. Marina Crane (25:05.025) And so I am writing. So long as I have the ability to write and express myself, I and you know it when you express yourself you feel you are happy. That's happiness. And see, that's why I I hoped I could have played it, but again too, she you know, it's really difficult for this audio to come through. And it's it's called the Female Poet Society. And You know, I I wish I n had more to say about who this woman is, but she Like the the whole notion of creativity. So when I started my blog it was it was because I like I it I was sad because nobody was listening to me, but the creativity of writing my blog allowed me I gave myself permission to to to write and to express myself and to put it out there to to even like you know, my niece wouldn't talk to me 'cause she was high risk already. She was a danger to herself and others. the my brother who was guilty for sexually assaulting her for years. you know, he he turned against me. And yet who was gonna look after his children, his two children? And and that whole notion of who t who has the ability to tell my niece's story? Well her her half brother and sister do, because they're innocent. My brother and any of my siblings, we don't. Because because we are the adults. We're the adults who who purpose like like I like I said, all this notion of how Nathan Chasingcourse set up my brother because there was a negotiating in in terms of trafficking that that my niece would be Nathan's wife. And it was so hard for her because she saw this other group of at least ten young women Marina Crane (27:05.249) I like again this whole notion of what's fuckable, pardon my language. But my niece just thought, you know, she was fighting to let those girls know, No, I'm I'm fuckable. I'm I'm I'm gonna be his wife. And the whole group of ten young women didn't believe her. And even when I tried to explain to their mothers that this was what was happening to my niece, they they didn't want to believe it. They did not want to believe it. That's why I say it's it's one thing for my family to be ostracized. But in order for my niece to have healed there would have n there would have had there would have been need for another family to be involved, but that didn't happen. It did not happen and it still doesn't happen to this day. So yes, of course I'm going to I'm going to talk about it and write about it because or s or talk about it essentially. Now and the the whole notion too that you know we're for for men who commit these horrific crimes and and for them to try and shame and use the shame that that was w was like constructed, the de dismantling of the the patriarchy. Y you know, when I say mm all men are bisexual, it's the notion of of sexuality and just the notion that you know, all this is society, like everyone, even women, we all have grown up trying to understand our own feelings and our own emotions. And so I try to I try to make sure that that I I try to make it as clear as I can on on just what it is that that Marina Crane (28:54.802) I'm talking about because these this is a time where women need to talk about like they're like they're in charge of their bodies, their creativity, their happiness. The day you realize women get horny for reasons men don't even understand, everything changes. Women get horny when she actually likes you. When desire exists, everything lands. When it doesn't, every move feels like work. You cannot negotiate chemistry. She notices your scent, your voice, your hands, your eyes, and the way you make her feel. A calm, confident voice can do more than a a rehearsed line. Hold eye contact a second longer, and sometimes that silence says everything. When she feels emotionally safe, her guard drops. She can't surrender while her nervous system feels threatened. Understand her, make her laugh, remember the little things. One deep conversation can create more tension than ten pickup lanes. She may notice your hands while you're focused on your abs. And yes, hormones can turn the volume up too. Men often notice the woman. Women often remember the experience. How you made her feel is what stays. And the thing about surrendering is that like when I ran away to Vancouver and then I met I I had a sexual experience and I surrendered to it. And I use the metaphor like, yeah I f I met an alien because like I said, I was so inexperienced and the fact of how I felt and just the the horiness and the attraction between the two of us but it was the surrendering part that that I will never forget. And the reality too is like like this just this year when I went to go see the sentencing of Nathan Chasing Horse, the n the allowing the allowing of of my emotions to to you know bubble from the bottom to the top because for so long I held that like I held those I held that pain of how people judged me. Marina Crane (31:23.82) when I was sexually assaulted. And and then for me to witness these young women who had lived with this man in his cult and and that shame of of having him control them. It it was like like for me, it was a I didn't really understand it until I came home because see Part of part of the classical conditioning or the dismantling of the way I thought is like I I've never again I grew up at the c in the Calgary Stampede and I didn't like tourists taking pictures of me. I just felt like it's an invasion of my privacy. And so when I went down to Las Vegas I and even like I I had my picture taken, like photographs. getting on the plane, you know, like everything. There was photographs. And and and I knew it was an invasion of my privacy, but but I surrendered to it. And and because of that there were boundaries in place with with the the man I was traveling with. And so so the the the closure of having the metaphor of my my experience over fifty years ago come into full circle this year in 2026. It it was it was the dismantling of that notion that that I had denied myself this sexual freedom. It's I mean some people can say what they want but I just think now again I want to play this woman and these are the last two I think if I can I think that's probably because most of the topics I do talk about they're very it it's mostly about like Indian residential school politics things like that and th that's not what this is all about so Marina Crane (33:37.228) But I do like I said, the the lady that I do listen to, she's she's Indian. And and so there's about four minute clips. We'll see how this works. Marina Crane (33:57.312) And this is the the love guide on TikTok. Is where where this is coming from. Your body being somebody else's property. You need someone else's permission to feel pleasure. You need someone else's permission to do this. You it was always about needing permission, but like you belonged to somebody else. And I thought, no, I don't want my daughter growing up in a world where she thinks that that's how life is. But where are those stories that we have shut down? And I decided to pursue them. Because a lot of people are like, well, what's the stories got to do with it? To me, these ancient stories are like role models. They give you permission. They kind of carve a path for you. They show you the way. They they're very important for me. I I'm one of those people who needs to be able to follow somebody that's done something. So I know that this is what they did and do I really want to do you know what I mean? Like that whole idea of strength has to come from Because we are not told stories of a woman's strength aside from her silence and her sacrifice. And when we were talking earlier about the fact that this is a really feminine form of activism, but it just feels like you can channel your own energy. You don't have to take on somebody else's identity to be an activist. And I had a group of women come to meet with me last week, artists, and I said, even to have caricature, a little novelette of eroticism with women d doing cautionary tales about about taboos so that the message is getting across to young people about healthy human sexuality or because the the Marina Crane (35:56.726) Like it we experience all this all the time. We experience th this this violence or this notion of of what what women are supposed to be and and again like it's it's not it's it's again this whole what did I call it? De deconstructing, dismantling Marina Crane (36:28.27) The capacity for pleasure than do men. Which is why in the first place the social narrative of containing a woman is seems to have been created. Because it was considered that if a woman was allowed to give reign to her her desires, her pleasure, her sexuality, that she would be out of control. so it is social conditioning, it is completely social conditioning. But I know so many of my friends or my age. Who have got to this point where they're like, thank God I'm past it. huh. Because they're yeah, it's like you do sorry, you're mid sixties, right? I'm early sixties. Yeah, yeah. So I'm still early sixties. But let's assume you're gonna live till you're nine. That's just the same genetics, health, all the good stuff. you've still got thirty years. I know. And women in their sixties are giving up you're thirty years. You know, it's really weird because a lot of people now the narrative has become that you hit menopause and it's no more sex after that. And I find a lot of my friends actually use that as the get-out clause so that they don't ever have to have sex again. And bingo, that she said it right on the nose when it comes to indigenous women. They just think that that's it. And some of these women are in their middle forties. And it it all has to do with like the relationship they had with their previous partners. Without any like the courage to dismantle those notions of thinking. it it it amazes me. It amazes me to no end and yet at the same time there are predators out there. But yet as they're not they're not like these women are not fifteen and sixteen years old anymore. They they've had children but they still have the notion that, you know, it's over for them. A woman's pleasure was never joked about. We were told when we were younger that a woman who has sex well you have to you have to wait till you have till you're married. Once you're married, you're supposed to have sex to make your husband happy. But a woman who enjoys sex is fast, meaning you're a slut. Marina Crane (38:39.79) That is the term used. So I also grew up thinking of this as not a good thing. Like, you know, that's an inherent thing that's put into your brain. The next thing was that when you do find yourself In that moment of pleasure, whether you know this is you're going out with somebody, you kiss, you make out, you find yourself feeling pleasured. There's that guilt that is in your head. Yeah. It pulls you back. Then there is also this thing about the the importance of the man's pleasure and the dismissive attitude towards a woman's pleasure. So automatically if you wanted more You believed that you were a slut and the other person equally is listening to the same narrative. A woman's pleasure was never talked about. So again, too, like, I think sometimes for me and this is the the the reality of it, like I haven't been sexually active in so many years. So even when I'm around artists that are that are lesbian and they're coming on to me, I I don't know. and I and I jokingly say that about heterosexual men too. I I don't know. So so it it's it's the notion of actually for me just like, okay, what's happening here? 'Cause again I totally believe it has to do with respect. And this is just this is just like my the ABCs of healthy human sexuality. I and I use the metaphor of Spock in Star Trek, where Spock has died and he and they regenerate him and Dr. McCoy asks him, What is it like to die? And Spock asks the doctor, Have you ever died? And the doctor, of course he hasn't, and he says, No. And then Spock says, Well, we can have a conversation. And the doctor Marina Crane (40:28.816) doctor goes and says, you know, can't have our conversation. He says, Yes, in order for us to have a discussion about death, you yourself have to have experienced death. And and that's my comment on respect, or even the comment of like the horniness, the the the the unless or the the surrendering. Because I I and that's what's so tragic about coercive control and pedophilia is that the that that pleasuring, that horniness, that re surrendering, that that's robbed, that's taken away. And and for a human being never to experience that, like like that's unforgivable. Like that that's the bottom core of of why I talk about healthy human sexuality. In in psychology one one they it it's it's just so simple. If an adult thinks of having ch sex with a child, you can forgive them because it's just a thought. They're not acting on it. However, once they take that thought and act on it, then it becomes unforgivable. Because the repercussions of what happens to that child by someone who who has no no sense of morality, no sense of of of guilt, like just just pathological. La you gotta understand this too. Part of the releasing and letting go was yeah, I took my rapist to court. He was a serial rapist in my community and I keep on telling people, him and his partner, his partner died at twenty seven. And there the two men were married to sisters who came from Saskatchewan. And and the the the the coercive control, the physical battery, like beating them up so th those women submitted and never said nothing bad against their husbands, who again were serial rapists. Understand this, like every time that the man who I charged, the one who still lived, Marina Crane (42:49.836) When he would see me with his wife, he would beat her up. I didn't know it until I witnessed it and my cousin and I had to yell for help on the corner of the street when 'cause he grabbed his wife and he beat her up with his boot stale stael toed boots. She was in the hospital for two weeks. And at at one time I was I I was driving with her and I said to her, 'cause she knew he her husband had raped me, and I said to her, just not mentioning his name, and I said, If I ever was raped again, I would kill that person and she looked at me, just scared. And I'm going, No, for all the lateral violence and the the violence and the attitude towards me is very painful. See so creativity and doing the blog and like twenty years ago and even doing my podcast, i it it gives me joy, it gives me happiness because it it was one thing to tell my story, but but the people who were listening were also women who were victims of violence. So there was so so they couldn't relate we could all relate in that sense, but we couldn't relate because none of them took their perpetrators to court. So once I took mine to court like like the the message was, once you do it you'll wonder why didn't I do it earlier? And like I like I said, I took my perpetrator to court, he served his time, and even after he c got out of jail, he pursued me, he stalked me. I would go into places and I would he would be there. He w he knew where I hung out. And and so that's why even though, you know, it's a nice fairy tale narrative confronts your abuser, you know, tell him he hurt you, like and and then like what happens afterwards. So even like in the case of Nathan Chasing Horse, he's gonna appeal his his his his sentence. Because these men still think that you enjoyed that what they did to people, especially these children. Marina Crane (44:52.929) That they enjoyed it. There's no ifs, ands, or buts about it because they're keep on persistently stalking their victims. And and to this day, like like I've put my foot down on this man who lives in my community. So when I talk about restorative justice and people will look at me and say, you're a pedophile because you supported your brother. Like d do do they realize do they realize that my rapist is in my community? Do do they understand like that I put boundaries down with him? Do they understand the boundaries I put down with my brother or my family, my br my siblings? Like until you have actually understood just how deviant a perpetrator is and how you've had like for me, the The person who took my pictures, he says, I've got a picture of you with a tear in your eye. And I didn't know, I didn't know like I had this tear in my eye. I didn't understand the whole nature of having closure with Nathan Chasing was was compounded and went deliberately back fifty years of my life. And it's not like something that I that I held on to deliberately because if I knew it I would have let go of it a long time ago. So a lot of times when I talk about healthy human sexuality, I'm I'm encouraging women to to have discussions. And if you don't feel safe with your your your childhood friends or your new friends, find a therapist who who you can who can do you can do this to, or someone that you trust. That's important. We were told when we were younger that a woman who has sex well you have to you have to wait till you have till you're married. Once you're married, you're supposed to have sex to make your husband happy. But a woman who enjoys sex is fast. Marina Crane (46:57.644) Meaning you're a slut. That is the term used. So I also grew up thinking of this as not a good thing. Like, you know, that's an inherent thing that's put into your brain. The next thing was that when you do find yourself in that moment of pleasure, whether you know, this is you're going out with somebody, you kiss, you make out, you find yourself feeling pleasure. Marina Crane (47:25.378) There's that guilt that is in your head. Yeah. It pulls you back. Then there is also this thing about the the importance of the man's pleasure and the dismissive attitude towards a woman's pleasure. So automatically, if you wanted more, you believed that you were a slut, and the other person equally is listening to the same narrative. A woman's pleasure was never talked about. We were told when we were younger that So Like it's the pulling back for me. I didn't even know consciously I was doing it. It's like it's like when you touch a flame you pull back. Like I didn't know I was doing that. Okay. at the same time too, even the thing is like I didn't realize like the the part the person I'm attracted to, the person I'm horny with is listening. Okay, so whatever they're deconstructing to has an effect on say me, the receiver, the giver and the receiver of the of the the message. So that's why like when when we're talking about narratives and and what happens and where we go and then even for us as women. like I like I said, my friend Barb she's a well I call it a psych a psychotherapist nurse. And she said that she counseled a lot of women who remained virgins until they got married. and again this whole religiosity. You gotta understand too, a lot of these women married and trauma bonded. We're just not talking this isn't the cultural thing, we're talking humanitarian thing of women. Is that when women married, like even in the sixties and seventies, eighties, and I'm pretty sure even in twenty twenty six that that the notion of like obeying or pleasuring your husband, the Marina Crane (49:16.332) The reality of it is like a lot of women were indoctrinated to be keep to keep their virginity. So on their wedding night, some of them were raped by their husbands, their newly married husbands on their honeymoon. And the woman who had never had any type of instruction or any type of n talk about healthy human sexuality just thought this was normal. Now my my friend who has passed away. counseled women who had to dismantle that notion that what they had in terms of sexual intercourse with their husbands for years was not healthy human sexuality, that it was coercive control and that it was rape. Understand this too, some women who waited and and weren't you know, like again, they were perceived as being fast, so women didn't want to be seen as fast. Okay, again, narcissistic. Like I'm the I'm a good virgin woman. But yet at the same time they're they're their partners or their the the their partners would would give them a sexually transmitted disease because it was okay for the man to, you know, be perceived as being a stud or like he was, you know, this masculine man. but it was okay it wasn't okay for a woman to be a feminine woman. And what it what is the definition of that? That's why I like this podcast. Also too, there were women who like I said, in in terms of bonding, trauma bonding it it It's it's like it you know, getting having their husbands addicted to alcohol or drugs and and for for for them to like the husbands would go to AA and again I have this whole AA and Oxford group and that's another story, another narrative that took place during the Second World War and there was this whole cult thing in Mackinac Island, Michigan and twelve-step program came out. Understand this that Marina Crane (51:26.337) That they had Alcoholics Anonymous and then they created El Anon for women or or men whose spouse were alcoholic and drug addicts. And so in this whole disparity of having support groups, the women found, and again, it says women found out that they were trauma bonded to these men. And they had to do some self-reflection on why it was they were bonding to such such creatures. who yeah, gave them sexually transmitted diseases, enjoyed raping them. Like and and the brutality of of violence. There is a show on Netflix that I watched last night and and this woman she's sh you know, she's working in the slums. collecting garbage and and, you know, recyclables to to look after her two children and she's living with a man who beats her up, wants to have sex every time he gets drunk, and she runs away. And and the and her her relatives coercively control her to get back with this man. And when she realizes everybody's involved in this violence and that everything seems to be okay in this violent environment, she chooses to n to to to live on her own in a place of safety. And it it wasn't until she heard her daughter or that man she was with that he was having feelings for her twelve year old daughter. that that the shock of what was going to happen to her daughters, she had to save her children, her children. So a lot of these stories, these narratives of how women had to understand trauma bonding. Because understand this, it's normal for human beings to bond. It's normal for human beings to bond with somebody maybe 10, 20 years. And it's and it's okay to leave that bond because it's not forever. Marina Crane (53:26.892) Bonding is not forever. But what's important that you have healthy bond healthy human sexual sexuality bonds instead of instead of trauma bonds. So it's important it's important to understand and understand these things by talking with other women and and somebody you trust. This guy kissing me, and I remember wanting more. It wasn't in like I wanted more. And I remember him saying to me, You know, you're just being too demanding. And I realized this, that I mean, this happened with a couple guys, and then you suddenly realize, hmm, clearly this is chasing away the men. Yeah. If I'm too demanding, I need to hold myself back. So you suppress your own sexuality. You The press your pleasure to make yourself acceptable. Because you have to remember, today I'm 61. I have learned over many, many, many decades that I am fighting for a particular right. And that's fine to have that fight. But when you're that young, when you're 21, you don't know that. You know, none of us know this. And there is a there isn't a precedent that say you need to go out there and fight for this. You know? Yeah. When I think about the feminist movement when it started in America, that only started in the late 60s, at a time when there was no social media, there was very little television. You didn't know living in India what was happening in America. You didn't know about the movement. You had to discover a lot of this for yourself. So yeah, I grew up with this belief that something is not right with me. That's why I talk about dismantling w ways of thinking. Because especially when especially when you have serial rapists Marina Crane (55:23.134) who and women who refuse to press charges or talk about it, or you have families who are oppressing and making sure that people keep quiet so that their relative stays out of jail or that the family is perceived as being a good family. Whether the family is religious or traditional, especially traditional, you know, that's why when Nathan Chasinghorse came in here, I already knew that I already knew about this whole fallacy of of like what w how people perceive other people in in the public eye. So again, like when she said the feminist movement and in India she didn't know and it's the same thing with First Nations, especially isolated communities, they did not know. And that's why like in some of the northern communities in in Alberta, when even in Indian residential school when they aged out or in foster care, they just put them on a ticket to Edmonton and there were pimps you know waiting for these girls to get off the off the bus. And then you had women who organized Indian friendship centers in these cities to stop human trafficking. Like I know a lot of the elder Sutina women helped helped and and volunteered at the Friendship Center in Calgary. 'Cause I I was a young woman, I saw this. I I didn't understand the extent of the structure of what the Indian Act had created. And so that's why it's important for me to have a discussion about it o online and and as a as an indigenous elder woman who who has lived it. So I hope that covers everything because like I said it's it's it's important it's important for for people to to like to know it it's okay it's okay to feel like that that it's okay to feel and have these emotions because we can't shut them off. Marina Crane (57:23.328) You know, it's it's it's part of our it's part of our DNA, it's part of the hormones and all these things that make us unique as human beings. But but if we do not if we do people in this country could not vote on Tuesday. Like it's just Marina Crane (57:45.366) I think like I said, it it's trying to dismantle rape culture and and trying to understand like it's the extent of everything that happens within within our environment, within our neighborhood, and even within our own individual cultures. So, let's see, I don't know if Everyone is bisexual, but that doesn't mean what probably came to your mind. In psychoanalysis, the word bisexuality has a very different meaning from what we use today when we talk about sexual orientation. It doesn't mean that everyone feels attraction to men and women. The idea is that no one is psychically constituted in a totally masculine or totally feminine way. We all have masculine and feminine dispositions that appear in our desires, in our identifications, and in the way we relate to others. This idea reached psychoanalysis mainly through the influence of Wilhelm Fliss, a German. Doctor who was a close friend and one of the main interlocutors of Sigmund Freud during the years when psychoanalysis was beginning to take shape. Fliss relied on data from anatomy and embryology. In both the male and female body, there are traces of structures of the other sex. From there came the idea that the organism would be, in its origin, bisexual, and throughout development, it would differentiate itself sexually, although it would retain some of these traces. Psychoanalysis takes this idea to the psychic field. One way to notice this is in the Odipus complex itself. The child does not relate to the parents in a single Way, they can desire and identify with both the father and the mother. A boy, for example, can identify with the father and desire the mother, but also identify with the mother and desire the father. For Freud, these different positions can coexist. That is, one does not simply have to disappear for the other to exist. The subject can carry at the same time identifications and desires linked to both masculine and feminine positions. This also appears in the way psychoanalysis understands libido itself. Libido does not appear only in sexual desire, it also participates in bonds of love, friendship, admiration, and identity. Identification both with men and women. This does not determine your sexual orientation by itself. That is exactly where the idea of bisexuality comes in. Our desires, identifications, and libidinal investments are not stuck in a single masculine or feminine position. So when psychoanalysis says that everyone is bisexual, it is not saying that everyone has the same sexual orientation. It is saying that our psychic constitution is not organized in such a simple way as man on one side, woman on the other. Masculine and feminine mix in the history of each subject, in their identifications, and in the unique way. Marina Crane (01:00:07.514) Way that each person constructs their own sexuality. Therefore, for psychoanalysis, anatomy alone does not determine what someone will be psychically. See, and that's the whole notion of of why, like even when I talk to older indigenous women and they're talking to their grandchildren, say, no, you were born a won a a girl, you are a girl. And I Like an and for me to try and deconstruct that, to have a conversation about that is really difficult. Because that because they refuse to dismantle or deconstruct their notions of healthy human sexuality. And and and that's the nature of how many of our youth are growing up because you know, their grandparents are afraid for their children. But yet if if it's based on fear then it it it it's gonna end up fear like in violence. That that's just my opinion of how I've s I've seen things in in in in just things that I that I understand. Now let's see here. I was talking about this to my students today. I said I'm actually against the word love quite often because we use it and throw that word around like we know what it means. And one of my students who studies the Ojibwe language and is a teacher, they said this was so fascinating. I didn't know because I don't speak Ojibwe. They said actually one of the words for love that gets translated as love in Ojibwe kind of means stingy. And I'm just saying like to to sort of covet something for yourself. Yeah. Let's territorial. Yeah, yeah. Interesting. Yeah, and I think fascinating. It is fascinating. But that is a nuance. Yeah. All these languages around the world will have different words for things that we might really lazily translate into something in English and no idea of the deeper values that inform it. So there's politics and all of that, and every single word in the English language, if you look at the etymology of the word in the dictionary, there's a political history to that word. I was talking about this to my students today. Marina Crane (01:02:10.506) That's multi multinary podcast. U L T I A O R I and that is from a lady she's a doctor, in in talks about indigenous identity. I just I just found that interesting, like It's amazing how people can act like hundreds of years of whites using violent oppression around the entire world hasn't happened, and that it's still not happening today. So let's address the comment: you hate white people. Well, yes, I'm not gonna deny it. There's a part of me that absolutely does, and for very good reason. You guys played a role in this. You're not Buddhas in this situation. White people hate white people, and I am half white. My mom is white. Like tr- Trailer Park White. And I grew up part time in that culture. I went to school systems in exclusively white, economically poor communities. As an adult, I have seen all the highs and lows of white culture. I have seen all the common culture and all the forgotten cultures that you guys want to pretend doesn't exist. Believe me when I say I have enough hatred to last me a lifetime. But at some point I had to ask myself the same question I Ask all of you, which is with all of this nastiness and hatred that's infecting the world around us, is that something we want to contribute to? Or is there perhaps a more beautiful, fulfilling way to live? Chief Tecumseh of the Shawnee called for a spiritual revival. He said that we need to refuse the firewater and reject European customs. Hatred is another form of firewater. It's a poison, a scapegoat, a justification, and a fuel that leads to. Marina Crane (01:04:09.486) More hatred and I don't want to be consumed by it or contribute to it. I know for a fact that white folks have the capacity to take responsibility for their actions and they can choose to do different things, which would lead to a much more balanced world. I've worked with hundreds of people who have been able to do it. But until the bitter end, the majority of white folks choose to deny what they're doing, they will attack you for talking about it, or they will reverse the roles. And make themselves the victims. And of course, this has spread to include more than just white folks. So if you have similar experiences as I do, you can't expect anybody to make any changes for you. But if you want to lead the way and take accountability for the poison that's inside of you and choose a different path, check out my website. It's linked in the bio, or at the very least, follow for more. Sim. So his It's amazing how people can act like hundreds of years of whites using violent oppression around the entire world. No, I don't know if I can actually see And that it's still not It's Julian J-U-L-A-N Marina Crane (01:05:28.694) I'm sorry I couldn't get his whole Well, yes, I'm not gonna deny it. There's a part of me that absolutely does, and for very good reason. Yeah, it's I can't get his whole bibliography act like hundreds of years of whites using violent oppression around the entire world hasn't happened, and that it's still not happening today. So let's address the c so anyway, we're we're Again, like I said, I grew up my whole life around white people and and I have white uncles and and you know, like again, this whole notion, you know, you grow up and and you have this hatred and and so like like it's it it's one thing to talk about it, but it's an actual thing like when you talk about it and people know you actually hate hate them. Like I like I said, as an elder I I know this fellow who's at least six years older than me and you know, like how he grew up and how, you know, in residential school how white people beat him up. You know, for for just speaking his language or saying w what his name was, putting him in the attic and him escaping. And and for me, when when I was confronted about my my Indian name Hapa and and I that I knew my Christian name was Marina, I I wasn't beaten up. I I wasn't. You know, I was embar like they she embarrassed me as if I was stupid. but you know, all the other people in that were my age group and it's it was a day school. It was a small two like a two two room schoolhouse. And but but the trauma like I didn't experience the the physical battering Marina Crane (01:07:21.338) And and like that's why I say if you know, growing up around white people, like like this fellow said, how he grew up, it it's it like experiencing all that and and knowing a lot of times a lot of times it it takes more and like I said, a lot of white people want to engage with indigenous people but but there's a cautionary tale that there are still indigenous people elders who were brutalized as children. mostly I could see it with men. for women, elderly women like like my late mother, it was more of like fawning. Didn't want to, you know, cause a ripple or didn't want to cause a disturbance. Whereas indigenous men they will use usually say, Well well pay me. Pay me to say a prayer or pay me to give you an ind indigenous name. like there's there's so much diversity in in just out there in how people engage with other other indigenous people. So with that I want to I want to close off this podcast. I hope there is one thing about limerence. Okay, so I don't know if this is gonna show up. A D H D in limerence, when intense attraction feels like love. If you ha Hold on here, if I could even you know, sometimes like I said, sometimes when I try to get this and it's connected, but yet I'm not actually able to have it connected. Marina Crane (01:09:11.358) And Marina Crane (01:09:16.802) Yep, it's amazing how this technology either works or doesn't work. Let's see if I can Marina Crane (01:09:32.834) seeing the options I have. Well I guess it's gonna have to just wait for another another podcast because it's not about to happen. Let's see. ADHD in limitance when intense attraction feels like love. If you have ADHD, I want to talk to you about something that could potentially save you from heartbreak. It's called limitance. And I have a hypothesis that people with ADHD may be particularly vulnerable to experiencing it. Let me explain. ADHD isn't just about difficulty concentrating, it can also involve emotional dysregulation. Marina Crane (01:10:24.367) I see I'm sorry again it this sometimes it just does not seem to want to work out the way I hoped it would. And and Let's see if it Marina Crane (01:10:47.362) May be particularly vulnerable. Experiencing it. Let me explain. ADHD isn't just about difficulty concentrating, it can also involve emotional dysregulation, impulsivity, novelty seeking, and heightened sensitivity to criticism and rejection. And here's something we don't talk about enough. Emotional dysregulation doesn't just affect negative emotions, it can affect positive emotions too. You meet some There's instant chemistry, excitement, attraction. Suddenly you feel intensely alive. The novelty, anticipation, and pleasure of being around this person can become incredibly compelling, intoxicating. But here's where things can become dangerous. You might mistake the intensity of what you're feeling for the depth of the connection you're experiencing. And that's where limberance comes in. Limitance is a state of intense romantic infatuation, often involving obsessive thoughts, idealization, and a powerful longing for reciprocation. You might put someone on a pedestal. You might fall in love with their potential rather than their reality. And you might overlook red flags because of how intensely they make you feel. Now ADHD isn't the only possible pathway to limit. Limitance, attachment insecurity, childhood neglect, and unmet emotional needs may also contribute. But my hypothesis is that certain features of ADHD may increase vulnerability to it. And the consequences can be devastating because when you mistake limitance for love, you may open your heart to someone before discovering who they really are. You become emotionally invested, attached to Marina Crane (01:12:49.313) Vulnerable, and if that person turns out to be emotionally unavailable, inconsistent, or abusive, the psychological consequences can be profound. So please remember this intensity is not intimacy, chemistry is not compatibility, and feeling deeply connected to someone doesn't necessarily mean they are emotionally safe for you. Because ultimately, what matters isn't just how intensely someone makes you feel, it's rather EDHD in limitance when intense attraction feels like love. women like in this in the sixties and seventies, El Anon and just the whole notion of traumatic bonds and and how these women had you know, like again the deconstruction or the concepts of what a woman is supposed to feel in terms of healthy human sexuality, that the intenseness of it. It's like it's like Disneyland, you know, like you have the the fairy tale and people think, it's gonna be that intense and it does become intense. But again too, unless you understand it the way he explained it. And again, too, a lot on the social media stuff, they there's so many people who have this magic formula of how to how to deconstruct or eliminate self-defeating behavior thoughts on limerence. and I call it's a cautionary tale because it's not something easily like it it seems easy to to understand because it it's being, you know, like you're actually Listening and understanding, so yeah, I I've experienced that. No, the the the it it takes it takes more because you're like again, you're involving a lot of other emotional things that happen when you're engaging with an individual. You know, like and he said, you know, it has to do with trust, and again, too, the compatibility, you don't know, like nobody does. I mean, like I said, I I'm I'm so naive about certain things, and yet I'm Marina Crane (01:14:59.136) I'm grateful I'm naive when somebody is approaching me and is you know, sexually attracted to me. but again too, it's a learning experience even at my age. So there there I guess the bottom line and I and I and I'm sorry I'm laughing because it is serious. I I don't I don't mean to like make it sound like I'm I'm I'm dismissing anybody's emotion. But but but the the the point the the point of everything is that like what like re I'll just go back to the last part where he's talking about the structure or abusive the psychological consequences can be profound. So please remember this. Intensity is not intimacy. Chemistry is not compatibility. And feeling deeply connected to someone doesn't necessarily mean they are emotionally safe for you. Because ultimately what matters isn't just how intensely someone makes you feel, it's whether they've actually earned your trust. So y like like I s like you said, he he's written it out, he's put it out there. And and that's why like he says it's it's such a it it can lead to you know horrible consequences and like I said you you have why are there women shelters? You know why is there human trafficking? all all these things of intense emotion and our inability to like you know really have a discussion with somebody whether or not someone is safe. And e and even then that's why that's why I talk about the structures and the boundaries of of looking after Marina Crane (01:16:53.514) ch like teenagers or in group activities of d the social dynamics of structure, especially when it comes to you know, getting funding to to have youth centered programs. I know a lot of people say, well Marina, you know, we can't have shelters for children or or group homes for children in Sutina 'cause we're not trained. And I'm and I'm going, that that's not that's not Like you you can have these p in place, you can govern them, but you you you also have the ability to manage who is doing these things. And and if you have qualified people to to understand how that structure should work, again, you know, I I I I I tend to really go back to grassroots and you know, I talk about Danielle Smith and how she cut how her and all these people, these millionaires who you know, somehow they managed to cut funding like for Nietzsche Institute in Edmonton, which was started in the seventies by for by indigenous people to help like to analyze alcohol and drug addiction. Like the the whole program And all the people who went through that program I'm I'm s I'm seventy-four. My my mother went through it. And and even in the seventies it was so difficult to even have any indigenous we'll call it not even paraprofessional. They were just volunteers trying to get AA programs going, LNO programs. trying to get any structure, social structure, for people to come and talk about supports that when they wanted to feel like d getting drunk or or even to the point where like they're beating up their spouse. All these things there it's still a struggle. Marina Crane (01:18:58.056) you know, my mother tried for so many years and and it's a constant struggle, s constant understanding of what it is that we're fighting for. That's why I think sometimes when people say, get rid of the Indian Act and I say, Well, can you get rid of the caste system in India? Look at how long the caste system exists existed in India. And and look at look at what the Canadian government did with in the Indian Act. A lot of this has to do with deconstruction, deprogramming, or really, you know, doing the work to dismantling, that's the good word, dismantling the things that we took for granted that were not healthy, but were taught that it was healthy. Dismantling it and understanding it and de and deconstructing it and reconstructing what we see and what we need. Okay, I hope you enjoyed the podcast. Like I said, I haven't done too much in the past week. it's not that I'm lazy or anything, it's just the reality that I've had to put some more boundaries down and and I you know I it it's it's not it's not for the lack of a trying. I just have some mobility issues as well. And like I said coming coming to terms with coming to terms with things that that I just thought were good programs and aren't good programs and then still being invited to participate in other programs within the city. I'm so much so very grateful for the ability to do that and and just the insight that I have that I can share with with people of of all cultures. So I with that I hope you have a good day and and for those those adults who went out Halloweening, trick-or-treating, like my sister, all you adults, take it easy on the candy, okay? And for those people who just gave in to their children's need without without putting boundaries of how much candy is appropriate, you need to teach your children not to be bullies. Marina Crane (01:21:20.48) like I was going like I really felt bad that I didn't stock up or anything and I thought, okay, next year I'll I'll I will do Halloween but then the reality of it is no. Our pro our community does so does so much for our youth on Halloween. I don't think they just need I I think having an extra, you know, bag of candy giving out isn't isn't going to hurt anybody. And and if I do give out candy next year, it'll be just to my extended family. I I I just don't like the time and the money like I I make my

Healing begins through self-reflection, respect, education, and honest conversations about power, gender, and relationships.

Thank you for sharing this transcript. It covers a wide range of deeply personal and social themes, but several core ideas appear throughout. Main Themes 1. Intergenerational trauma and residential schools Marina repeatedly returns to the impact of Indian Residential Schools on Indigenous families and communities. She argues that trauma experienced by survivors did not end when the schools closed. Instead, it influenced later generations through family relationships, parenting, addiction, violence, and community dynamics. 2. Indigenous women and patriarchy A central argument is that Indigenous women are often undervalued compared to Indigenous men, particularly elders and ceremonial leaders. Marina describes situations where Indigenous men receive greater recognition, authority, and compensation, while Indigenous women doing similar work receive less respect. 3. Respect versus status Throughout the talk, Marina distinguishes between: Respect that is earned through consistency, boundaries, and character. Status based on reputation, ceremony, titles, or public admiration. She suggests that many people confuse the two. 4. The attention economy and online personas Using the discussion about pornography, influencers, and social media, Marina reflects on how people create public identities and cultivate attention online. She connects this to broader questions about authenticity, human connection, and how people present themselves to others. 5. Grief, attachment, and love The section about being emotionally attached to someone who never officially became a partner serves as a reflection on unfulfilled relationships. Marina uses it to explore loyalty, longing, respect, and the emotional realities of being single later in life. 6. Healing and self-understanding Despite discussing trauma, discrimination, and loneliness, the overall message is not hopeless. Marina repeatedly emphasizes: Self-reflection Education Mental health Patience with oneself The possibility of healing Tone and Perspective The transcript is highly personal and conversational. Marina speaks from: Her lived experience as an Indigenous elder. Her observations of family and community history. Her work with youth, social issues, and advocacy. Many of her conclusions are presented as personal interpretations rather than universally established facts. The transcript blends personal testimony, social commentary, cultural observations, and reflections on relationships. Key Takeaway If the transcript has a single underlying message, it may be this: Trauma that is left unexamined can be passed from one generation to the next, but healing begins through self-reflection, respect, education, and honest conversations about power, gender, and relationships. Despite discussing painful experiences, Marina ultimately argues that life is worth living, that respect is real, and that meaningful healing remains possible even later in life.

Marina Crane (00:01.576) good morning. It's October twenty sixth, twenty twenty-six and it's snowing. Imagine a month ago, I was like, yes, no forest fires. July, like geez. I'm glad it's snowing because there's no smoke in the air. Even though the air is cold, it's still fresh air. Now, I don't wanna be complaining about stuff, but hey, I'm gonna head off to a meeting this afternoon and you know the past twenty-four hours, like I most of the people that I do talk to are females. And you know, I shouldn't say you know, because patriarchy is so entrenched in indigenous realities. Like it's just it's so profound. And and yet for my education and my understanding and my lived knowledge, the respect or the unrespect or the disfellowship or just the way people treat indigenous women, not just me. Okay. Because like and I've said this before and I and And until I had some closure with Nathan Chasinghorse, it was always profound for me how women could support such a man or how women could sort of label me as being a pedophile like Nathan Chasinghorse or like my my brother. I o it it always amazes me that people would categorize me in in s in in the other. Like look over there, that is her. Okay, so What what's happening in terms of of just how people perceive my persona like even even here on on my livestream. Acting ourselves so the modern business of porn. So here's see and and the thing too is like I I want you to understand, until the pandemic I didn't know people could have access to porn. Marina Crane (02:21.12) a lot of seniors that I talk to who their grandch children use their phones like they're like I'm not an expert in this. I'm I tell you I'm not. But even people are amazed like, well you do podcast at your age and no, there's certain things that I've done in my life that like that I just do. Like doing this podcast helps me too. in terms of like Alzheimer's or dementia, my mental health. So I want to play this this one recording and she's it's called New Statesman and O L I D U G O R E and wh it's it says Who really creates the attention economy? Patricia Nielsen, author of Guilty Pleasure this is the whole thing is like insight into the like it it's important to understand any conversation that includes dopamine or like like the anything to do with addiction or even the relationship we have with our devices, like our phones. Really, like I'm single and my phone is with me twenty four seven. So this really hits home for me But at the same time too, like I didn't understand the whole nature of porn. But this particular video, this particular audio video or TikTok that I'm going to share with you is is the basis of of this my character, my my who I am on my podcast or how things are created for the listener. And and for me, I'm coming across as an indigenous elder that can have a distinction between indigenous people like there's a there there's no fine line. It's a strict line where you where you have children who are like in their late seventies now who were children at the time when you had they had white caregivers in those Indian residential schools who beat them, tortured them and even killed them. Now I'm at the age where it would have been my parents and even in the seventies when they were having residential schools, some of those residential schools by then Marina Crane (04:46.816) at the end of them terminating were run by indigenous people. So a lot of the things that you see with with young people in their twenties, forties and fifties are is a result, in my opinion, of indigenous on Indigenous. And there there is when it's white people terrorizing indigenous children, th there the distinction is so is so concrete. But people don't want to look at it that way. They want to glorify the patriarchy. and and I'll talk about this after this video because I just wanted to get this out and about before I l I leave for my meeting, because it's it's common amongst indigenous female elders. This isn't this isn't something that I cooked up. My whole life I've seen Women, indigenous women and white women, glorify a lot of indigenous men. Either they're educated or they've succeeded in being a chief or something. And without even knowing that these people they're following have a lot of hatred towards women and white people. That because they created this persona. Now, we see it in different forms in media, but I wanted to play this. The modern business of porn. Now if I can I the modern business of porn. and for the life of me it's sometimes I I just I know I've gotta hook up my PA s my work system, my speaker system, because it it's been sort of it's been bastardized, what can I say? It's okay, let's do this. It's not Marina Crane (06:43.978) It's about attention. and I think that that is, you know, my what what I've come what I've come to believe is that, you know, watching porn that is you know stimulating a psychosocial need by watching or staring at content that has been algorithmically engineered to arouse you and doing so alone, that is That is what we do on our phones, you know, it is the perfect metaphor for our relationship with our phones. And this is not a coincidence because you look at a lot of the technologies that are are enabling you know companies to to capture us in this way, they're coming from from early porn pioneers. And so some some of these things are, you know, like talking about like live streaming or or instant payments or you know tracking, affiliate marketing, I mean all of these things were sort of, you know, porn sites for early laboratories for for these types of technologies. But there's another there's another very important I don't know development as well, which is which is how we relate with each other and ourselves on the internet. And so the first people who started creating online personas, you know, the first people who started thinking about this this strange this weird thing which is sort of second nature to us today which is that we were projecting ourselves you know onto the world. The first people who started doing that were cam models. I mean the first cam site was was founded in 1994 and so camming is you know camming comes from a webcam it is when you have a sex worker sat in front of a webcam interacting with a customer who is you know often Marina Crane (08:45.132) on the other side of the world. and and these these yeah, these camels were sort of the first who start who had to start thinking about how can I attract attention, you know, how can I monetize this attention? How can I fulfill the fantasies that the person on the other side of the screen you know, wants to believe about about themselves. And so These types of relationship, this type of parasocial intimacy, is you know, this is what we today call the influencer economy and then the content create a content creator economy. So the reason I'm saying this too is because like like I've grown up with the Calgary Stampede and and I've you know I've grown up like like I did go to Indian residential school and like I explained, I went to day school too when I was five. And then I w was integrated into the the city system, so I it was always around white people. And I tried and I'm trying to get you to to get a gist of it. Because when I talk about white people, I'm not talking about white people in the sense of my hating white people. I I'm trying to get like the content of it. There are people who have lived in isolated communities where these isolated communities had Indian residential schools. In these Indian residential schools, some of them had bob wire around them. And and the white people who worked there terrorized these children. I my mum and my aunties and all that generation were part of that, that the way they were terrorized. Now when they left, I really think that they thought that Marina Crane (10:41.516) They wouldn't have to deal with Indian residential schools because they were closing them down. They didn't really close them all down because they sort of morphed into like educational systems like in in St. Paul's, Alberta, and good around Cold Lake, where the residential school was being run by other indigenous people. there's there is a difference too when you come into day schools where you have indigenous people terrorizing other indigenous people. Now there's a distinction because when people say, well these Indian residential schools and I'm going, no, step back. Take a look at his historically. I'm 74. There are people who are older than me that are 79 and 80 who were when they were just kids they were terrorized and brutalized by white people. Now I use myself as an example. When I first found out my Christian name was Marina and the teacher said your Indian name is Hapa It was like a a dialogue with all the students and even my own brother Cheske whose Christian name was Larry. We all like it was a it was all like everybody noticed. All the kids were there and even to this day people who were there witnessing still call me Hapa, my Indian name. 'Cause it's gender, okay. It's gender, it's also what they call it, extended family, like it's it it has it has to do it's it has to do with relationships. It it isn't it isn't something some name giving holy ceremony that elevates you into some mystical position of power. like I like I mean there's so much dogma in in the fantasy of the noble savage. And the reality of it is like and I try to make the distinction Because those people like my parents and my grandparents, they they deserve the respect. I'm not saying to poo-poo them. I'm just saying the terror that they f experienced, the psychological repercussions of it created indigenous on indigenous. And like Marina Crane (12:59.226) I'll use an example. My uncle died, they gave him a state funeral. But my uncle was a re a product of Indian residential school. the same with my aunt. I have a younger uncle who passed away when he was thirty five, didn't go to Indian residential school and you can see the stark difference in behavior. So my older my uncle, the one who was older, he terrorized his children. Like you can ask any you can ask my cousin and he will tell you the truth of how brutal his father was to him. Now the brutality for me with my father being an alcoholic was that I wished him bad. Like I I like I didn't I I knew him when he was sober, but but I I I wished that he wouldn't I wish he would stop drinking because he was a holy terror. And a lot of people, a lot of indigenous people have murdered people when they're drunk. Now I'm not saying my father had the capacity to do that because he just went into the city when he drank and never came and bothered us. There was a a conscious effort for my father not to be around the people he loved and those who loved him. But mind you, he, you know, when my older brother was just when we were just growing up, I would see my brother my father beat up my brother. but I didn't see it afterwards. There was more of an aband abandonment. Now when when I'm arguing with other people who are claiming, look at all these young people, they're all marching wearing the color orange and they're protesting and you know, they want people to realize like these children were terrorized. Yes, but some of these children are still alive. Like I said, they're in their late seventies. And and the reality of it of it is like I I'm not like that. See so if I'm like say we'll use the concept of reading Comprehension and then analysis. Because I've taken literature and I I know I I can't help but but not be myself. However, I want you to understand the distinction. When somebody's been traumatized, the the reading and the comprehension, there's no analysis. That analysis part is gone because they because of that trauma. Marina Crane (15:20.692) And so what is it like? So so I'm saying like my uncle brutalized his children. My father was was a horrible drunk. my father later in his life when he just refused to come home when he was drinking, had a had a was was bisexual from and again I in my opinion, this is just my opinion, I believe men are bisexual. human sexuality. W I I talk about it in my podcast. I talk about it here. But I want you to make the distinction too, because understand this. When the first industrial school was created in Alberta, oil was discovered. Now a lot of a lot of the sort of the romance or the white person wanting to be allies with indigenous people, it was because, you know, the Indian agent would write the little ticket for the people in Treaty Seven to come in and, you know, camp at the Calgary Stampede. That was the only w reason, you know, p indigenous people were allowed to leave in in the Treaty Seven area. Now next year is gonna be the 150th anniversary. And a lot of the things that happen to children in in the Treaty Seven area, like there are so many residential schools. And I I think a lot of our Indigenous youth, and I'm saying under the age of fif fifteen under, have never been around didn't have curriculum in terms of the histories of indigenous people. And like I like I I I tell people, it it's one thing for our youth to to walk and wear the orange shirts and you know rally around and say, look at this is what really happened in Indian residential school. It morphed into something horrific. And I think to be in denial, like you like you have white people denying that these atrocities happened, but you also have people who are fifteen under who are indigenous denying Marina Crane (17:24.688) That it was indigenous upon indigenous, because that trauma was created. And an example would be you look at Nathan Chasinghorse. And I'm you I've used him as an example because for for me it was the equation of and the complexity of who and how was Nathan Chasing Horse created. Now, this over this weekend when I was working with a youth retreat. And and there was an elder seventy nine year two elders seventy nine. Now you gotta understand too, these these elders, people worship the ground they walk on. White people in the city of Calgary worship the ground these men walk on. They will pay them big dollars, mileage, accommodation, hotel room, everything. And I try and say this to people, especially indigenous men who are working for white companies in the city. I said, When you offer me as An indigenous woman or any indigenous woman, any indigenous elder woman, tobacco, pay them good, pay them the same way you pay indigenous men. They will not do it. They will give a thousand dollars to an indigenous man who's doing smudge, and they'll offer an indigenous woman maybe three hundred or a hundred and fifty. Now, even when you go into these and you're in and and you you you're expected to pray, the tension The tension is so great. I say to people, when you offer me tobacco and I come into the room, there are gonna be indigenous people, young women and men, who are gonna project project their hate towards indigenous women onto me, even though they don't know me. You need to protect me. Now they kind of ha ha, I don't believe it. I'm going, No, you've seen it. You've seen how young people talk at me when I'm in these meetings and it's brutal. And you're not protecting me? Whereas if it were a man, like I there was a indigenous man, a blackfoot man, who saw it and didn't even and there was a Cree man too, didn't say nothing, just allowed these two young people, both men and woman, to treat me with disrespect. Now, if it were an indigenous elder man, they wouldn't do that. They wouldn't. Because of patriarchy, because they hold some sort of sacred status. Marina Crane (19:46.796) Because they're giving names, indigenous names to their clients or people who are attending the meetings because they want to look like their allies or cohorts, even they themselves who are indigenous, because they want to reconnect to their indigenous culture. Bless their hearts. Like I said, this is happening in this generation here, 50 years and under. Now I'm 74 and I'm saying, no, you've got to look at it this way. Those elder people that you're giving and ha and worshiping the ground they walk on. Like I've seen it my whole life. I've seen indigenous men my age, even younger, where people just, you know, worship the ground they walk on. You have indigenous and white women following these men. You won't have them following women. You will have them you won't have men following women. Like I'm not a cult leader, and I'm using it as an example. You will not see young men following me. But you will see young women or in white or indigenous following indigenous men. I've seen it. My mum's own first cousin came to the door, my mum's door. He's as old as my mum, and he had a twenty-five-year-old blonde woman because she was following him, because he's supposed to have some sort of sacred power. And I'm going, talk to me. I'm an indigenous woman. That man who came with that white girl to my door, my mom's door He's my uncle. Marina Crane (21:15.34) And I and I I had an uncle, like w you know, when it comes to sexuality and the horniness of of of indigenous men, my uncle, right until the day, like even as a as an elder, he was you know, he was still chasing after women. And they were still, you know, Filipino, white, you name them still, you know, worshiping the ground he walks on. I have a niece who who's who's in a a r sexual relationship with a man old enough to be her uncle. And that that man doesn't give a shit about my niece. He's got white women that he sleeps with in the city of Calgary. He's got his own little harem. But does my niece know? My does my niece even want to re look at the reality of who she's who she's sleeping with? No. Because it's nice. It's like, you know, like the fairy tale, Disneyland and all that crap. All based on sex. So why am I so why am I doing this damn podcast? Well So many indigenous women who've worked who are social workers, who've worked with child apprehension, who've worked just to just to try and prosecute pedophiles, who you know, like the the the nastiness of women and men and the horrors that they do to their indigenous children. Like I like like when I talk about youth and I say you y in the retreat they should have had two spirited y artist talking to the youth. I said, because it's one thing for an indigenous woman to talk about family violence and and if you have people who've seen their grandparents living in it their grandmothers, their aunts, their unc their their mums, their sisters, they're not gonna listen. But if you have a two-spirited person who's talking about the violence they experienced in real time, in real life, then they start processing human sexuality. And and it it makes them realize like like there's no fairy tale out there. There's no Disneyland out there. There are there are children Marina Crane (23:24.382) as the common age is fourteen that are being trafficked i in in Alberta here. Okay, so how how do we how do we say to these young people, you know, the that you've got your phone and you've got you know, you're creating these personas just like I do on my podcast, you're creating these personas and you think you're safe when you're not, because you don't have the skills to to discern, you know, whether a person is bad or good. And again, too, who's teaching them? Who's who's saying, you know, raising the red flag? Especially when you have organizations in the city who will refuse to hire two-spirited indigenous young people to work with indigenous youth. Or you you have organizations in the city who will worship the ground of of the indigenous man who ha who has an indigenous woman who whose wife is silent. And the indigenous person, whoever they are, are name givers. They will give names. There's one organization in the city where the entire female staff has indigenous names because this indigenous man gave them these indigenous names and he gets paid big money. Now th the difference is, and this is what I'm trying to say, when I was told my name was Marina instead of Hoppa, there I wasn't slapped. I wasn't slapped for saying, No, my name is Hop Pop. I was quite defined. I knew who my who I was. But I n my parents never told me I had a Christian name when I went to school the first day. But it's so different when you have an elderly man who's like five, six years older than me in an isolated in in Indian residential school where you have the same person saying, This is my Indian name, and you have a white person saying no, this is your Christian name. The only difference is the teacher in that Indian Marina Crane (25:18.2) Indian residential school beat, beat, slapped, brutalized this young man, this child. Because I was a child too when I found out like I I had a Christian name. And and the fact that they they they brutalized this this boy and imprisoned him in the attic and he had to run away. See the terror of it, I never experienced that. Didn't But the terror of it, even re being returned back to those Indian residential schools where you had white people beating beating and like even killing Indi indigenous children, that has to have a certain fear in it. And I talk about that with my late mother. My mother was afraid of white people. Now how how it comes apart part how it's manifested comes around in different ways. See my mother when she'd go into the hospital and the white doctor would say, What's your pain threshold? She'd say three when it was actually eight because she was fawning. She didn't want to b offend the white doctor. So like that's part of of of that fear because she was brutalized by white people. Now how is it with indigenous men? Because again, you know, you have to show emotion and you know, that fear and like there's a lot of resentment. A lot of resentment. My like I said, my uncle was brutalized in residential school and he terrorized all of his children. I know my father was brutalized in residential school by white people. And I know he had you know, he was he terrorized my older brother and he would terrorize us coming home drunk and we'd have to hide. But the brutality of physical assault he didn't do. He d he tried, but then he he just he would have the sense to s just drink away from home. But my uncle, he stopped drinking and he was still a holy terror with his children. And he was a politician, elevated, patriarchy. Marina Crane (27:19.434) So so it was condoned and that's why you have elderly men now hitting their eighties who have that mentality about white people. and I and I use it very very I I'm making it very mild. Like I grew up with white people my whole life, even like six years old. I went to school. I mean for f the first when I was five I was around indigenous people. So I knew and I and I at even at eight when I was in an Indian hospital, I knew the pr brutality of indigenous upon indigenous. but I but I was when I went into the city schools it it was more of ignorance, systemic racism, the the lack of of understanding what it is to be indigenous, whereas you know had white kids, if they liked you because you were a cute little Indian girl, they they wanted to fight you. So, you know, I grew up I grew up fighting, physically fighting. and you know, again I was quite a a tough little ranked child. But most most of p most of the kids in my community had to be 'cause we were bust into the city. And but the reality of it is like You know, when we had white kids saying, you can make it rain or, you know, you've got these supernatural powers, today it's just the great mystery, right? Everybody has everybody's gifted. But supposedly people are open minded about it today. I like and if you're not, well, shame on you. 'Cause everybody has psychic abilities. Everybody. It's part of the great mystery of life. However, as a child Marina Crane (29:05.042) when you have white people projecting that on you and you're saying, you know, like if you're foolish enough not to understand that you're a human being too, then you could believe that I could make it rain. And if they're silly enough to carry that pff like to believe it so, you know, if they say, Okay, make it rain, I said, Okay, in two y two days I'll make it rain and it doesn't rain. So what does that prove? I don't have power to make it rain. But the for you know, for two days they believed it. And that's what I'm talking about. Those were childish notions. But but but if you hate white people to the point and they've been brutalizing you and you have that pain and you haven't processed it, you can't analyze. So you in instead instead of instead of like after two days and they realize you can't make it rain, i i it the analyzing part of it, you still persist that you have that power. And and you keep on grow you keep on going and treating white people like that until you're elderly. So, you know, you have a group of people who actually believe, this person's sober, this person can smudge, this person has a pipe. All that. Like that they that's indigenous on indigenous, brutalizing indigenous people or or putting down indigenous people so you can get ahead. And and that's the nature of Nathan Chasing horse. That that is the nature of of the Indian residential school after they were closing those brutal when they after they brutalized young people. Those young people who grew up to become parents became became their own worst enemy because that's all they knew. That's all they were taught in those isolated communities when you had white people beating them up. That's all they knew. It's not their fault. But the but the repercussions of it in society today is is shown when you have organizations paying thousands of dollars for the same thing an indigenous woman can do in terms of smudging is outrageous. And the fact that they would sooner look at an indigenous man as having these holy powers who've never been educated, who've never gone to university, who've never studied psychology. Marina Crane (31:28.438) to be dismissed. And and for me, like I said, my whole life has been dedicated to being a like working with my own self when I was a youth, studying psychology, working with high risk suicide girls, dealing with just the systemic racism, the lateral violence of the brutality that communities have towards Indigenous women. And I talk about the the class, the caste system, C A S E T E, and just the the the whole hierarchy. of how whi indigenous women are treated. And the reality of it is like when you're educated and you've worked off reserve amongst white people and you've never been brutalized by a white person when you were a child, say you were just brutalized by another indigenous person like your parent. I'm just very fortunate that I didn't have that with my grandparents. My grandparents were loving grandparents. I mean, I had my aunts and uncles and my parents talk about their parents, like 'cause it was, you know, like coming from those places it was indigenous on indigenous. And and to to have that legacy perpetuated within communities is is the the reality of what created psychopaths or sociopaths like Nathan Chasinghorse. And and borderline personality disorders. And you know just cults. So people say, well, what is a cult? Well like I said, there were I've grown up in the Treaty 7 area. I've seen political leaders. I've seen like it's a cult. Like women both native and non-native worshiping the ground of indigenous men. Indigenous men who I've grown up with. Some of them I've grown up with. And I'm going, what do you see in them? Marina Crane (33:27.106) What is it that they possess that I possess, but yet you worship them, but you don't see me with my strengths? And it's j not just me, I'm using this as an example. A lot of indigenous women who who have worked to help protect Indigenous children have struggled, have struggled to protect these children. And and even how white professionals demean these indigenous women. That's why I when I talk about mental health and I talk about publishing psychological papers and that even the Psychology Associ Association of Canada will not publish. Again, what do they have against indigenous scholars, especially females of any color? So even that too in my podcast, when I have white people listening to my podcast and wanting to have some engagement with me, I'm very particular. I'm I wasn't born yesterday. My support system and who I talk to and how I engage with other indigenous women is is very strong. It you know, I I've gone through my my I've gone up to my neck with allies, white women allies, you know, like it just sickens me. Because, you know, you can song do the song and dance. I'm not gay. Okay? I'm not I'm not bisexual. I'm not asexual either. I the process of of being in love with with one person, like the the just the reality of of how a person either copes or doesn't cope with with what's the word I'm trying to grieving. It's it has to do with grieving because Marina Crane (35:24.28) There's there's a part there's a part in in the whole process of healthy human sexuality that I think is really poignant if I can so much as find it. Ugh yes. let's see here. Marina Crane (35:51.183) Sorry. I keep on doing this to you, and I I I'm sorry that I do these things. Let's see what's this. let's see. This is Marina Crane (36:10.636) That the one thing that I very, very misunderstood is that why we are so strong is because we are attached to our mother. The greatest power there is is peace. The people who are not from this land will never find true peace because they're not with their mother and they're looking for something, and they think that power is having that might over right. Might over what's right. They think that having power. And riches and such is going to find them peace, but that's not, they don't even realize that they're looking for peace. When you're in a position where you're being beaten down, if you are connected to your mother, it's not riches that you're looking for, or it's not to make the other person feel what you're feeling. You just want peace. Because if you want peace, you can only find it within yourself. The only way you're gonna respect yourself and understand yourself is if you have respect for your mother. And what's happening is they cannot take that peace from way deep down inside of us. Marina Crane (37:25.368) So that's from Red Media. I think that the one thing that is very, very misunderstood is that why we are so strong is because we are attached to our mother. The greatest power there is is peace. The people who are not from this land will never find true peace because they're not with their mother. And they're looking for something. And they think that power is having that might over right. Might over what's right. They think that. That having power and riches and such is going to find them peace. But that's not. They don't even realize that they're looking for peace. When you're in a position where you're being beaten down, if you are connected to your mother, it's not riches that you're looking for, or it's not to make the other person feel what you're feeling. You just want peace. Because if you want peace, you can only find it with. yourself the only way you're gonna respect yourself and understand yourself is if you have respect for your mother and what's happening is they cannot take that peace from way deep down inside of us. So Red Media and its people who are not from this land will never find peace because they are not with their mother. Celebrate and related Indigenous People's Day and watch the Mohawk Mothers documentary on Red Nation on YouTube. So a lot of the things that that I talk about in terms just in terms of healthy human sexuality. and and like again when she talks about finding peace there there is there is a difference like I said between men and women and until indigenous women are treated and given that like until we are elevated above the indigenous man th there's still going to be that intergenerational trauma. Marina Crane (39:33.347) Like when I say to people last Friday, I said, I am the soul I was the keeper of my mother's soul. Everything I talk about in terms of this podcast and the complexities of what she lived through in in those places where white people hurt indigenous children and and the things that she c didn't live with. Like the process of not being able to analyze things. the brutality of of that personality. Like like I said, personality disorders, borderline personalities, psychopaths, sociopaths. We can study this until we're red in the face. But but for me when I try to take a look at it and I'm saying there there we we are all human beings. We are all the in this together My marital status is single but there's a man who's not my man But because of him there's no other man in my life. It's unclear, but very interesting. Technically I'm available, but emotionally that position has already been filled by someone who never officially applied for it. We're not together, but somehow I still consider him before entertaining anyone else. And that's the confusing part. He didn't ask me to wait. There's no label, no commitment. Yet there's this invisible loyalty I can't seem to switch off. And at this point someone new could come into my life with every quality I once thought I wanted. And still s something inside me would hesitate to choose him because a part of my heart is still emotionally attached to someone who never truly became mine. And maybe that is the cruelest part of an undefined connection. There is no relationship to hold on to, but somehow there is still something to to grieve. Mine And that's C H E R A N N E underscore Mazing. M-A-Z-I-N-G-O-5. And that's the nature of being a woman. like I'm Marina Crane (41:57.357) Like I said, I haven't been sexually active in fifty years. And believe me, when she's talking about this like being single, there there's always someone that comes into my life that that eventually leaves and then and and disappears. So it's an evolution of this singleness. And and for people not to understand it it respect, like respectful, because until you Until you understand it. So I use the analogy and I and I and I'm sorry if some of my audience do don't understand Star Trek or science fiction, but there was a movie call in Star Trek where have Leonard McCoy who was Spock, a Vulcan, and Leonard McCoy who was a doctor on the starship Enterprise. So Spock dies and they bring him back to life, like in the future. And so the doctor asks Spock, What was it like to die? And Spock looks at Leonard McCoy, Dr. Leonard McCoy, and he says to him, Have you ever died? Obviously he hasn't, so Dr. McCoy says, No, I've never died. And Spock says, Well then I can't have a conversation with you. You know, it's like AA, once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic, or only an alcoholic will know another alcoholic. Well, I use that analogy in terms of Spock and Leonard McCoy. How could Leonard McCoy understand death if he's never experienced it? And Spock is right, logically, like how can we have a conversation? So how can I have a conversation with you when somebody says, What is it like to be in an indigenous woman? You know, if you've never lived it, how could we have a conversation? That's why when I say I don't trust white women, it's not out of hatred. It's just a reality. You've never lived it. So how can we have a conversation? But it but at the core of it too being single is is respect. And and if you've never had a man like I said l this this excerpt where you know he didn't qualify he didn't ask to be in this position. He it just happened. And and because of that there's a respect. And and and unless you've actually held that respect from from a man Marina Crane (44:19.65) Then how can you have a conversation with other women about respect? And and that's the sad case of it. There are so many women who are in relationships who have had children with men who who's who these men don't respect them, even though they gave them children. And and as time has gone by and they be get and they get older and they realize this is my only life, I have to leave this relationship. I have to find someone who respects me. And it's it's a woman's right. There's no shame in it or or feeling guilty or alone about it. But it is important for women to understand and hold that respect that is given and shown to you in because it's a very sacred place. It's something for me when I do talk to women and I say Even though I advocated for murdered and missing indigenous women and children and understanding the basic psychology, it wasn't until twenty twenty six that I actually felt the respect of a man. Now I have brothers, I have uncles, I have a dad, I have grandparents, and grandfathers, and and I like I said, I've been around educated indigenous men where women have worshipped the ground these indigenous men have walked on. And you know, and of course they're, you know, being nice and delightsome and all that. But again too, if you're a man who's had this trauma and have never healed from it, haven't had the ability to do analysis, self analysis, self-reflection, it'll never happen. And because of that you would never be able to even respect another woman, even though you're married to a woman. The very fact that you had women following you worshiping the ground you walked on, re and even the affairs you've had or the temptation of affairs, the brutality of how you treat your own daughters, your own the own the your females in your own life. Marina Crane (46:33.206) Respect is something that is is real. And for me that's a sad reflection on indigenous men, isn't it? Really, take a look at it. And this is why I'm talking about the results and the the intergenerational trauma that happened to indigenous people in the Americas. Here I am at 74 for all the blessings that I've had to not be sexually active for fifty years and to be lonely and to finally feel respected this year in twenty twenty six. So when I when I talk about you know, indigenous men giving names and doing rituals like like swe like smudge ceremonies and whatever society they they create, if they do not have the capacity to show respect to the very woman that they're attached to. If they cannot if they cannot show have boundaries, healthy boundaries and Like I can't teach that to them. I can't. And by that time when they're as elderly as they are, there's no point. It's the same thing with with women who are narcissistic Machiavellian. I can't teach them to respect their gender as well. Then there's no jealousy involved in some man showing me respect. But until I really understood what it felt like. Marina Crane (48:10.882) There is no way that I would even jeopardize having this respect taken away from me. Marina Crane (48:21.61) It's it's something that that women of all of all races, of all cultures are seeking. And so for the lady who who came to me and asked me and I I told 'cause she had planned to leave her partner, the reality of a of it as I said, because because you've been sexually active with with a partner for all these years and that you've left him, you've had children. Leaving him to find someone who respects you is is your lifetime goal until like as you become elderly. Finding someone who respects you and being in a sexual relationship with them is important. I said because you made a choice to have children. Though those hormones, those memories, they will come they will be with you until your last very last breath. Like I I took care of my late mother. She had eight children. Marina Crane (49:27.744) It's important for women women to understand this. I know it's difficult, especially when you have these older men who grew up in a time where they didn't respect women. So it's very difficult to find such men. Like I said, isn't it sad? That I that I didn't find such a man until 2026. So I'm just putting it out there. I'm just saying it is possible. It is possible, and the understanding of why it's important for other women who've been in relationships where men have respected them. And believe me, that's far and in between. So when I do ha find women who Have had relationships where there has there is respect. Of course I'm gonna be friends with them. So because I I need that support. As a single as a single elderly woman, I need that support. I I do my podcasts to help me keep my my mind fresh. I I I try to do as much as I can to not explain what it is to be indigenous, but just to process things that I discover about my own culture as I live day to day. Marina Crane (50:53.566) And like I said, I've been involved with quite a few projects with the city of Calgary. And and I do get up and and I do talk to public officials and and and people in positions where they they they do have the insight to create programs and and become allies and understand what it's like to to be an ally in a cohort. I I I just hope that our young and I I'm not saying I hope I know there are young people out there who are educated, who are getting their degrees in psychology, who are, you know, like that are gonna publish psychiatric papers. I I do know they're out there, and I do know there are a lot of indigenous women who are out there and women of color who are out there. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be able to have the the resources to do my podcast. And and for that I'm truly grateful because it's important it's important for our young people to know that the possibilities to heal exist. And even if you can't see it and you can't experience it, having patience with yourself, having patience to love yourself, res respect yourself, and and and believe me, like I said, It doesn't get any easier. It doesn't. And and I think this whole mantra like again, I'll play this because in enjoy your life. Just enjoying your life. It it's like nobody should shame me for for this mantra. Nobody should try to convince me to kill myself because I'm single. The very notion of being like honoring your gender and your sexuality is important. So I'll listen I'll play this before I finish this podcast, but I want you to listen to it and and understand. Marina Crane (52:59.202) This is all human beings. All human beings have the capacity to love and and be be at peace with how they how you love yourself and others, important. My marital status is single, but there's a man who's not my man but because of him there's no other man in my life. It's unclear but very interesting. Technically I'm available, but emotionally that position has already been filled by someone who never officially applied for it. We're not together, but somehow I still consider him before entertaining anyone else. And that's the confusing part. He didn't ask me to wait. There's no label, no commitment, yet there's this invisible loyalty I can't seem to switch off. And at this point someone new could come into my life with every quality I once thought I wanted. And still s something inside me would hesitate to choose him because a a part of my heart is still emotionally attached to someone who never truly became mine. And maybe that is the cruelest part of an undefined connection. There is no relationship to hold on to, but somehow there is still something to to grieve. My ma and with that I will say goodbye. Good day. Have a good day. I really hope I've ha given you food for thought because I'm around like an older indigenous man who are quite respected and and who do ceremonies. and have their grandchildren and great grandchildren and they're human beings. They're not perfect by any means. And like I said, I had an uncle who had a state funeral, you know, was live streamed, they closed down, honored him. He was a rodeo cowboy, but yet his own personal life, you know, his reflection on the Marina Crane (55:21.056) Intergenerational trauma that he experienced the cruelty at the hands of a white person. Like that's that's the nature of of people of of like people my parents age and I'm seventy four. Growing up and seeing it and how they you know, they they didn't have the capacity or the wherewithal to go to university and study. And they worked hard. Like when I talk about slavery, I talk about the cr like just the The bare minimum my father and my uncles worked in, you know, working all day in a h like making hides stink, grueling work. because they weren't allowed to leave their communities or get an education. Like I said, they they were grooming children to be slaves. And for my mother and my grandmothers and just the reality of the being a ha a farmer or a housekeeper for a rancher or farmer, working in the fields like s like in the in the heat. You know, even even the United States, the Mexicans working in the fields like the laborers, like all that to what, to groom and produce slaves. Like all this started through the five conquered races. And even how the Indian Act was set up in England, Lloyd's of London, like the history of the connection to the slave trade. All this we I grew I I was born into. We were all born into systemic racism. Marina Crane (57:05.656) But it's up to us to dismantle it and to repair the building that we were born into. Marina Crane (57:13.708) Life is worth living and believe me, I'm just very grateful that this total stranger Marina Crane (57:26.938) showed me respect. Marina Crane (57:33.752) Had his word, gave his word, was consistent in boundaries. And you know, I wish I I I still wish him all the best. And and for people to to really take a look at the qualities he has and and to understand that there are so many so many people out there that could be be so brutal to to women. And and yet there are men out there who aren't. Marina Crane (58:09.322) It it's not it's not I I don't I don't know I can't comprehend what it's like to be a man, nor do I expect a man to comprehend what it's like to be a woman. But but I do understand respect and I I I hope I am showing this man respect by honoring his boundaries and and like like this woman says, the the these people in our lives didn't ask to be put in put in these positions. It's just a part of this great mystery we live in. With that, have a good day and I'll talk to you another time. This is October twenty sixth and Yesterday my sister turned seventy three. Yes.