Canada and USA

There are two men that are totally different in the sense of how they perceive indigenous women. The differences are that one is Canadian and the other is a United States citizen. So, what is so different with these two men that can change the way our societies treat indigenous women like myself. Well, here goes. A few days ago a woman asked me to focus on this difference. As it show the significance  in how indigenous men create their women, like sisters, aunts, mothers and grandmothers.

In Canada, we've had the Indian Act that was created to establish Indian Residential Schools. As much as politicians say it this very Act that we use to keep the Canadian Government accountable and yet look at the United States. They didn't have an Act to call on their government to systematically kill them off. We, in Canada, had a strong paper that was pull through as a form of legislation. It's probably that whole English attitude of giving that stiff upper lip and cheery oh type of mentality. It's like a protocol. We have this paper that is a form a law that all indigenous people are going to be affected by its ideology.


In the United States they didn't need a strong paper to tell them to kill off the American Indian. they just did; whereas, in Canada we all are so damn prim and proper like Indian Act. And, this is the difference.

When I met a highly educated indigenous man in the United States, he was a full professor. When we met he told me he was consolidating ten of his companies into one, to make things manageable for himself. He'd earned a masters in Engineering and a Masters in Business and a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology. Oh yes, he had served in the United State Military before attending University. He had worked within Indigenous Organizations his entire life; however, he never used his indigenous status to acquire any of his wealth. He was a very humble man. He had political connections and helped me get my green card. It was horrible time. I was just fortunate that I could ask him for his help.

He had told me that he was proud to be an indigenous person. He had his status card; however, he said he never used it to get grants or loans. He said he know that there were other indigenous peoples who needed more than him. He wanted me to know that he didn't know what it was like for me being an indigenous woman growing up in a third world community. In the States they call them reservations and here in Canada we call our homes, reserves or First Nations Communities.

Okay, now here the other side of coin. This other guy got his education here in Canada. He joined the RCMP rather than the military like Tom. This other guy after awhile went into law school to become a lawyer. He worked in Ottawa. Both of these men are intelligent. Lets just say they are more intelligent than me; however, there is a difference.

Emotional Intelligence is the difference. One took care of himself both physical and mentally. I mean one would have to live in such a way that you earn a Ph.D. in clinical Psychology. It's a difficult facility to get into little alone graduate with honors. The other fellow, well did the opposite. So why bring up these two very different men into my discussion about attitudes towards indigenous women. Well, here the point. In order for any man willing to use his education or his status to help murdered and missing indigenous women, he must first be able to relate to us.

He must first have genuine pride in being indigenous himself. I've never met any educated indigenous man in Canada whose never lived on a Reserve or First Nations say that he doesn't or can not relate to me. Tom told me. He told me that he couldn't comprehend what it was like for me to live on a Reserve; whereas, this other indigenous man who has never lived within a First Nations community could not even give me any form of genuine pride of being indigenous.

He could not admit he didn't know what it was like for me to grow up within my community and within my culture. He would rather just not even be associated with Canada. He gave up his citizenship. I really can not comprehend what was so difficult for him to admit. He got himself an education and he worked for the Canadian government. I men Tom worked with Ronald Reagan and even baby sat for him. Yet, there is something the matter with our indigenous men in Canada. Our educated indigenous men. I wear my skin everywhere I go in this city.

I see relative drinking their lives away. I am there. I eat breathe and sleep within my First Nations Community. I know what its like to grow up here. From my research, I am seeing how the Canadian government has deliberately put obstacles in our way as indigenous girls and indigenous women.

My mistake with this man from Canada was to think he had it in him to help us indigenous women; however, in order for him to be able to do such a thing. He himself must be able to show compassion and genuine pride in being indigenous. My friend Tom, he's the most humble man I've met and I know there are many out there who've added indirectly to the general public about what it is to be indigenous. In a positive affirmative way in helping us all move forward.

This Indian Act not only is a law and continues to be a law that spread a negative or perpetuates a negative stereotype about indigenous women. It's people a paper to use as a racist tool. It justifies an attitude that it okay to behave a certain way to us indigenous women. Whereas, in the United States, like I said they didn't have a paper. They just killed for the sake of killing and used their amendments rights to kill Indigenous people. We in Canada are not different. In fact, I think we are more barbaric in how we treat our women than they are in the United States.

I just wanted to put this out there. There are reasons why there are so many murdered and missing indigenous girls and women. There are reasons why the inquiry isn't going as quickly as it could and there are reasons why we keep putting people in these positions that are incapable of helping.

We must wake up and ask ourselves some very serious questions about mental health. As I've said before this whole process of staying mentally well just isn't taking up a therapist when things start getting difficult. It's a lifetime process that we try to teach our children. This is process in self-love, self-fullness and self-awareness. Forty years ago we didn't have the academic we have today. So, lets start using their wisdom. Don't go for those who really don't give a damn and are all hype. As my late father in his own dysfunctional way would say and so would my dysfunctional uncles say; "Actions speak louder than words'

"Speak to me softy tell me know lie, if you don't know what it's like, to live in a First Nations Community, tell me know lies, I am an indigenous woman, my time fly's."

Is it so difficult to admit that you don't know? As my late sister-in-law Julie would say: 'Get off the cross! We need the wood!"

(laughing out loud!!)

There is a difference in how people from different upbringings see things.

I was talking with a few friends yesterday. I was talking about the different views men had about murdered and missing indigenous women. I mean even non-indigenous women have their own theories that has nothing to do with violence rather the reason indigenous girls and indigenous women are going missing is because aliens have abducted them.

Oh yes, it's bad enough to find out the our royal Canadian Indian Act was a parliamentary act passed to destroy my way of life or our way of life. Imagine, how typically British for a strong paper to be made to be put in ink no doubt about why its important to establish Indian Residential Schools.

Its bad enough that before Indian Residential Schools started showing up there were what the Canadian governments called Indian Industrial Schools. These first school were established to trained indigenous boys to be good little Indians; however, some bureaucrats got this idea in their heads that is they trained these boys and that these boys were sent back to the homes. Where they would met and marry indigenous girls that these savage girls would convert all their hard work. Meaning these boys would become savages again.

Yes, this whole concept of lets destroy the imagine of these indigenous females and lets try to say they savage girls need to have their sexuality tamed. It was difficult enough that starvation wasn't good enough. The government couldn't understand why indigenous girls and indigenous women were being sold. Some were being sold for a dirty blanket or for the play thing for a dirty of chief. They couldn't understand why indigenous women were selling themselves to settlers. They just thought these women were untamed and savage like.

It really just makes my stomach ach to think that these so called bureaucrats couldn't deduce the reasoning was that logically if they killed off all the buffalo and killed off all the food supply children were starving. This whole effort to portray indigenous women as not being capable of being virtuous and, or have piety. Was an effort to destroy and tame indigenous female sexuality. I mean I could go on and on; however, its this whole mass media thing about murdered and missing indigenous girls and indigenous women that has me going.

The reality is that we as indigenous women have survived. Our mothers, our grandmother and no doubt our daughters and granddaughter will survive. It's this sisterhood that keeps us going. I saw when I was growing up. I saw all my aunties along side my grandmothers working together. Much as how I see indigenous girls and indigenous women working together today. Each of us has stake in this issue of violence towards our gender.

What started out as a plea to my readers to be careful of sexual predators has evolved into a bigger plea. Much of what we as indigenous women have taken for granted and much that is exposed is our own image of self. I've seen my indigenous sisters thinking they are not good sisters or moms. They would sooner give up their daughters to someone else to raise. Now, why would some beautiful soul think so negative about themselves. I think it has to do with perceptions of our own gender. I've seen this with my own family and with other women. I am hoping to create a separate page just dedicated to the positive role of indigenous women within my own community.

October 11, 2017

After being away for about five days, much as changed. Do you, my readers ever think why its so important to look after ones' mental health? A lot of times we end up surprising ourselves as to just how much work we need to do on ourselves or we reflect to realize all this self-care work over these decades as worked out for the better.

I live and breathe on a First Nations Community. I was never one to go off flying visiting our countries, keeping in mind my peers thought I would, since both my parents and grandparents travelled around this world before I was eleven years old. So, what does mental health have to do with privilege or lack of privilege you might wonder, well here it goes.

As some may notice, I've written more this past month than previous years, and why it that. Well, a larger part as to do with my research into Indian Residential School or better yet Industrial School prior to the creation of Indian Residential School. Its amazing what one finds out about things I thought were a form of "helping the Indian Child" cause I was an Indian child at one time.

One can just take a look at what happening now in Canada and even part of the United States to see how indigenous girls and indigenous women are treated. And, here it comes. This past month, due to no part of my own, I've experienced much grief. I know some of you will end up at the end of this blog thinking about mental health and hopefully so. It started in February when my older brother died. He'd had a heart condition his entire life and when he died people just blamed his diabetes; however, yes with this illness came complication, its true. He was a strong man. He was a good brother in the sense he didn't wan me to isolate myself or be alone.

I miss him. Now, of course grieving is important. With his death, I thought I'll try to do my best and try to understand my grieving process. As it is most people are uncomfortable with talking about death. I say to strangers. I surrounded by death. They look at me like I am some sort of ghoul. Yet, the truth be told, I am around death a lot. Within this past month:

1. My late cousin Gwen's daughter died
2. My late cousin Gwen's grandbaby died still born.
3. My cousin Joanne's husband of 15 years dies after a battle with cancer.
4. My childhood friend's husband dies of cancer.
5. A 47 years old woman kills herself after grieving these past three years over two of her daughter's suicides.
6. A young man hangs himself in his mother-in-laws home with no funeral for him here.
7. An elderly woman had suffered from a stroke died.
8. My cousin's nephew dies from a heart attack at 27.

Some of the funerals I could attend due to finances and others I just could bare to see others grieve. This last one, its a heart stopper. I'll explain.

Throughout our lives we wonder if we've made the right decisions. Sometimes, we will never see the results of the decisions we've made and other time Creator blesses us. Maybe, Creator thinks we need a break or a little pick me up to move forward again. I don't know. I just know that I've lived long enough to see some of the results of some of my decisions.

last night I couldn't sleep. I've there for my cousin; however, the history I share with her and her family is even a deeper bond. When I visited her yesterday and saw the stress on her face and the grieve she was carrying, all I could do is be there with her. She's the type of indigenous woman whose been  in prison when she was much younger and throughout her life hasn't been off of drugs. It difficult for me to write this as it as everything to do with my youth. I could have been buried years ago if I had continued living her lifestyle or the lifestyles of her sisters. I helped bury all five of them.

As I've told my story, strangers ask if I was trying to be a nun or serve some religious manifesto. No, it was to be with my friends and family. As I've written about behavior addiction and substance addiction, I didn't in 1977, basic psychology wasn't a way of life for me. I just knew something was about to change in my life. The choice I made in October 1977 set in motion a series of even the following year that kept me alive all these years. It felt like everyone was walking around blindly even my parents, uncles, aunties and grandparents. I knew my grandparents were there for me in prayer and maybe that's what it was all about. My grandfathers and grandmothers saving my life.

I mentioned the number of people I've known directly or indirectly who have died this month. The reason I've done so it to allow you to think about these events and how you, wherever you come from and however you live your life, whether the grieve that's inside you is flowing or drowning you. Its easy to imagine sorrow drowning us if we allow it to take hold of us; however, every time I think about it I think of the grandfathers and the grandmothers. Their struggles and their prayers to keep us their descendants moving forward in these lives they've given us.  We all cope differently.

My friend, my relative, she copes every day of her life with taking a pill. A pill, as long as I've known her as an adult, she taken to help her with her pain. When she was younger, it was her emotional pain and now that she's older its her physical pain. Her nephew, whom we will all help bury within a few days was FASD and drank most of his adult life. He never had a place to call his own home. If he needed a place to crash it was at his aunt's place, my friend, my relative. I could never allow anyone who drank or took drugs into my home. I try protecting my home with un-hung prayer. Prayers that are said not to hurt others. An acquaintance mentioned that when I talk about my life story its seems or sounds easy for me to talk about my own personal pains, grieve, depression, behavior addictions. I say its cause I've tired to understand who I am and what is my purpose here.

Bill Philipps a Psychic Medium quotes: "Never chase love, affection, or attention. If it isn't given freely by another person, it isn't worth having"-- UNKNOWN

I am a firm believer. Only because my Karma taught me that my behavior addiction was in chasing love, affection and/or attention. Much of my blog was never in seeking attention; however, it has taught me about myself. It's taught me about my mental health and why it is so important to teach our youth at a very young age. It's important they see how we as adults cope with the stressors to this world.

My Dakota male cousin who works with "child and family" serves told him indirectly that most of his female clients tend to create stories to get attention. I know he was directing towards me and my blog; however, for years at the beginning of my writing I didn't realize people were actually reading what I was writing. Mainly because they never left comments. It was the emails that I got and the site blogger showing me how many people read this blog daily that made me realize I was reaching an audience. However, my aunt the mother of my male cousin told me. Don't chase after your cousins to talk to them. They know you want to talk to them and if they are avoiding you leave them alone. You, prior to writing or prior to expressing myself, my learnt behavior was so entrenched I didn't see what it is I was doing. So, I listened.

Sometimes, I stumble and other times I see that pot hole and I drive around it to avoid the unneeded stressors. I truly believe we, survivors of childhood trauma, don't even realize how our own behavior leaves us to the mercy of predators. We believe that if we chase after their love they will throw us a bone and we'll be happy. No! don't do it. As my late mother would say: "Learn to love yourself first before you can learn to love another." It's taken me a lifetime, and I continue to make mistakes along the way and that's okay. I've survived worse things.

Mental health doesn't means I have a mental illness or that you have a mental illness. Mental health isn't having a mental illness and it's not having a problem at all. Mental health is how I address all my personal issues in my life. I deal with stress, lack of sleep, break-ups and other big things. Most say its a state of "well-being."  Its place where people can reach their full potential. Mental health is as important as physical health. It needs to start a young age and carry out through level of our lives much like training of a physical life, yoga. As a positive image verses not understanding the brain. There are brain games. What can be done to exercise our brains? Balanced mental health is to have balance. "|you get mental health, you get mental health and you get mental health..." (Oprah) As Ross Szabo says imagine if people took care of their mental health the way they do in buying a new car.

Bill Philipps: "Releasing what no longer serves you may seem difficult and painful at first because it has the potential to turn your world upside down. However, there is always a pus side... New space to let in what does serve you in the best way possible! Be  willing to let go and trust the process of life."

With every death our lives changes forever. There's a void left where there was none before. A few weeks ago, I predicted I would be grieving over a past acquaintances without knowing the reasoning for it. In the midst of my grief these past few weeks I've realized that this self-fulfilling prophesy of giving love, affection and attention was worth giving for me. The party that I gave my feelings to didn't understand that I wasn't chasing him, nor seeking his affection, or his attention: however, in writing this I needed to realize he couldn't' give of himself freely.You see I have a married male friend who can freely give me love, give me affection and give me attention without fear of losing himself. We respect each others boundaries. My hope is that we as indigenous people can heal from our childhood trauma and that we can be mental well for those who have and are losing so much.

In closing, I met a visit highly educated man years ago. He use to babysit for late Ronald Reagan. He was a an indigenous foster child who educated himself. He had served in the US government for Ronald Reagan and had ten companies and was servicing a professor at a University. He told me something that I have yet to find in any Indigenous man in Canada as educated as him. He told me:" I don't know what's it like to live in your community. I never will. I could never imagine it." He was a proud indigenous man who lived his entire life away from a First Nation Community or in the USA a reservation. He said he used his Indian Status card not to apply for grants or such only to let others know he was indigenous. I am so very grateful for having met and continue to me all types of people.

It's a sad state for our indigenous men in Canada. Imagine a government that praises and rewards that good little "indigenous boy" while cursing and destroying his sisters. As I've tired to find name of indigenous women that succeeded and believe me there are indigenous women out there. It's the government of Canada that doesn't acknowledge them. All we need to do today is just look at the NATIONAL INQUIRY FOR MISSING AND MURDERED INDIGENOUS GIRLS AND INDIGENOUS WOMEN  and you will find that this inquire isn't going anywhere. Why? I figure its that old boys clubs. Our indigenous men need to reconcile themselves from within their home communities before they can take it into the provinces and take it into the federal government.

There is much to grieve over; however, if you are able to stand strong with other indigenous women then do so. Our indigenous girls, our sisters, our moms and aunties and grandmothers are depending on us. This is why I write this blog. This is why I struggle to get the word out about why is it that we can no longer protect our own children. We must stay awake, our children are depending on us. If we do not get it straight we will lose everything.