“Hate
and violence: Some participants agreed that focusing on violence, rather
than hate, is necessary for dismantling systemic racism. While hate can be
classified as an emotion of a perpetrator, violence turns the focus on the
person experiencing the harm and the system that allows it to happen.” (
Violence comes in so many ways. Throughout
these years since 2006, I’ve experienced such violence towards myself by other individuals.
Fighting and healing from systemic racism is not new. I was born into such a
system. People defending Nathan Chasing Horse was a shock. As I grew up with
these people and thought why they think so highly of this perpetrator, and they
think so lowly of me. Then I remembered the violence I experienced firsthand
when I reported my perpetrator to the RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police)
As an indigenous woman, I realized
after my perpetrator served his sentence and was released, he still stocked me.
He still thought I enjoyed being assaulted. Within Indigenous communities, we are
born, have families and die. Well so do these perpetrators and mine continues
to this day living in the same community as me. No doubt people have witnessed me
telling him directly, warning him not to have contact with my nieces. Even
after all these decades he still does not believe he did anything violently towards
me or the many other he victimized. I was the youngest of over ten women he and
his partner assaulted. This is violence.
Another form of violence I’ve
experienced is being threatened by a lawyer to take down this blog, podcast, or
any social media content. Twenty-seven years ago, I spoke to my perpetrator in
a courtroom in front of a judge. I told him what he did to me was unforgiveable;
however, I could forgive all men. Carrying around the fear of all men kept me a
prisoner within my own soul. It kept me silence, invisible, unprotected, and
kept me in a private space. Most victims of violence truly believe they alone can
heal themselves. Do not get me wrong, the experience of being violently attacked
is and will always be apart of my psychological makeup; however, we are social
human being that needs others to heal. “No man is an island; no man stands
alone…” It is true.
The sad reality is that for every truth
I’ve said within this blog, podcast, and social media. There is something or
someone wanting me to remain silent. I want to repeat that these actions
against me are violent and not hate. As giving these people who appear to hate
me any focus takes away the violent action, they are inflicting on me and
others. I explain this concept in the second podcast posted here. On August 21,
2023, I was interviewed. I wanted to be interviewed. On August 23, 2023, Nathan
Chasing Horse will appear in a courthouse. From my experience from the first
podcast five months ago, I received so many views on this blog site. I received
attention from investigative reporters from California (USA), and Toronto
(Canada).
I hope you, my readers, understand
this violence I’ve described. I accepted the invitations to be interviewed. It
did not occur to me that this private side of my life would suddenly become
very public. I wanted to be interviewed so you, my readers, could understand
the epiphany of self. You, my readers, did not ever know my identity. I kept
myself invisible or Incognito. Upon self-reflection I realized all those women
who were suspicious, distrustful, and basically Nathan Chasing Horse’s puppets
found me. They had my phone number, texting me, when I only ever published my
email via my blog site name. Yes, Nathan had an inside source to watch over me
and threat me.
Now that I am public and revealing my identity
to my readers. I know I have police protection. I’ve documented everything and
so have others. I am publishing this so you my readers can understand the
nature of violence towards me. Just like my perpetrator decades later thinking
he can still intimidate me, so does Nathan Chasing Horse’s followers. This Nathan
Chasing Horse is dangerous. I have had his former followers warning me of how
dangerous a man he is, and how he wishes to hurt me. Yes, since I first confronted
him in 2007, he perpetuates violence towards anyone who confronts him. Confrontation
is a big word. I tried to “give him the benefit of a doubt” and he chose to
continue hurting indigenous girls and indigenous women.
It is my hope that you my readers will
find insight or clarity in the direction you might take when dealing with
someone like Nathan Chasing Horse in your community or neighborhood. As I’ve
repeated myself in saying monsters like Nathan Chasing Horse are no strangers
in our communities. It is a historical fact that is based on intergenerational trauma.
Imagine, children raised who grew up to be the most vulnerable and unable to
defend themselves. Being taught to remain silent, quiet, and invisible from
childhood, babies without their mothers or fathers to protect them. We grow up believing
that we are not allowed to defend ourselves and our families. We are raised to
believe that only certain individuals have this power of safety, and this power
of protection. Within our communities we have created or recreate this false
narrative by not seeing our own people as perpetrators. My late grandparents,
parents, and relatives saw this phenomenon occurring within our own families.
As I have repeated, again and again, ritual abuse existed since the beginning
of time. It's just hideous, when the cover up is perpetrated by a government, “a
society that chooses who lives and who dies.” (Achille Mbembe. Necro-politics)
We do have a voice and we can say what
we need to say and hopefully help others heal.
