There's such so much violence against indigenous women that its sicken me sometimes right down into my inner core. Understanding that this violence is lateral violence taught without our conscious selves knowing we are doing it to ourselves. We do it just as if it were normal like taking a deep breath. Sometimes the trauma we carry around us burdens us to the point that when someone get hurt, we are just happy it didn't happen to us or our family, then we leave it alone.
Today, an indigenous women died. I've copied the link to her passing within this article. The tragedy that someone could rape and burn their victim, is so shocking and yet this seems to be a common occurs to indigenous women across the Americas. I mean, as an indigenous woman it seems almost impossible to travel anywhere in the Americas without fearing for ones safety.
http://panow.com/article/724309/marlene-bird-dies
This killing of indigenous goes so far back that even within the history of the City of Calgary there in the archives is a story of an indigenous woman who was murdered. Posted in the Calgary Weekly Herald, March 6, 1889. Apparently, there's a whole file on her at the Glenbow Archive selection that I hope to read. the title is "Murder Most Foul. A shocking Tragedy Last Night. As unfortunate Squaw Murdered and Mutilated -- A Mysterious Affair."
It still hasn't changed. so, what can we do to change it?
I do intend to read this article and present here on this blog sight. As an indigenous woman raised in the area and having encountered racism in the most foul ways any woman can imagine. I find it interesting that as Truth and Reconciliation is place within this city that representation in terms of public art space is missing for indigenous women.
It's not just indigenous women, generally speaking all women have not had too much public space about what they've done here in this city. Much of the record deal with a program that is no called social services that helped women's groups. It would be interesting to know just how much help indigenous women did get while living in the city raising their children.
Within my discussion with the Archivist, I've found that she was of such great help. It's important for me and for indigenous women and we as indigenous people we can do well with this truth and reconciliation process. I believe we can only because we know what it's like to grief as a community. We know what it's like to be filled with angry and resentment over a suicide of a young person or the grief over a murdered or missing indigenous person. We've had no choice but to take this mud called anger and hatred by mixing in it a seed of hope of truth and reconciliation so the gentle public can first feel then see how we live.
Not too long ago, two educated individual that I am so blessed to know made my acquaintance after four decades of not communicating with each other. There was a need, something unfulfilled that seemed to guide me to reconnect with them. In any relationship whether it was recent or in history, I needed to know how they lived. We all have made connections with family, community or work. Sometimes we are so busy that we forget that somethings we took onto ourselves decades ago doesn't serve any purpose now.
As much as each of these two people, one a female and the other a male, have each done so much for themselves and so much for themselves there is something, I believe is missing. I am not trying to be too critical. Only that in the process of truth and reconciliation to take place the parties involved must be or have taken part in some form of this process within their own lives. Like I've said each as excelled in helping their indigenous people; however, in their own personal lives there is something missing. The lady said that we both isolate ourselves and that the man in question, the other person. He doesn't have another person to have a dialogue with about his life. Well, I took that as a truth until I realized I wasn't being fair to this educated man.
Believe me when I say educated, as he was an RCMP police officer, then he went onto become further educated by becoming a lawyer; and, if that doesn't seem enough he worked for Justice Canada. Yes, I know these two individuals. I am honored to know them both. I knew them when I was but a child myself. Throughout my years I've lost a connection with them and the group of youth that we all hung out together. I am sure if we were not political we could have been a gang. We were so into each other and I believe we all loved each other to some extent. At least, in my heart of hearts I would like to imagine that we did mean something to each other.
So, what is so different from me and these two individuals I've asked myself. Especially when it comes to truth and reconciliation in the Canadian process of forgiveness of the past horrors of racism in this country. What makes me so special that I can see a difference in how I see my indigenous world as opposed to theirs. Well, I know that I live in my First Nations community by choice. I made a conscious choice to moved back to Canada after living in the Untied States for a decade. I've worked next to uneducated people most of my life. I've never really thought of myself as being well educated until someone comes up to me an comments on how I carry myself. I don't even have to tell anyone, I just start talking and they listen. Sometimes, in the States I've had people staring in silences as I talk.
At first, it was unsettling then I realized that they just hadn't heard an indigenous person talk, as they put it with a British accent. keeping in mind I was in the deep south of the United States and there they themselves talk different. This is just with the English language, not another indigenous language too. I'm very blest to have lived a good life with a quality of life that most women my age would never know. So, again what is the matter with these two individuals that makes me wonder about the state of our indigenousness here in Canada.
United States Indigenous people look at us Canadians as being tamed by the British Rule and rightfully so. We tend to live our lives according to the rules set in place by the Parliament of Canada and we try to protect ourselves by living by these rules. I'll use an example of a rule and isn't Canadian rather it's s Sioux rule or spiritual law. I use this as an example of my life here within my community. As a Dakota, Lakota and Nakota we are raised by seven spiritual laws. These laws were set in place long before USA or Canada were countries. These spiritual laws are held within each of us if we are following a spiritual path. Don't' get me wrong the lady in question is a spiritual woman as she gives away so much of herself back to her community and if not her community she give back to others.
So, what's my point then when it comes to difference in quality of life. So, with the Sioux our way of life in how I was raised was and is to have a connection with all those who belong. It's lie the root of a huge tree and nobody can see because its underground. We all know its there even if we can not see it. So, even though the lady gives all she can to give thanks for what she's learned ans what's she accomplished she is still isolated and she feels it.
So, with this man, he's tired of whatever he's done and whatever he's trying to do. He's isolated himself from everyone in the sense that whatever is happening to his extended, he doesn't have to deal with their personal issues. He's retired and reflects on what his life is all about. He seems to spend most of his life reflecting on the "what ifs" as in what's important to him now. He's earned so much for himself. He doesn't seem to appear to be aware that he has not connect with any community.
We all know each other, and we've all had to wear our indigenous skin throughout our lives. So, why is it that I feel more connected then them? I am not tiring to think that I am better than the two of them. It's just that everything I do or say has an effect on my existence with every part of my community. I feel like I eat, sleep my community. My life seems so much richer for knowing so many people from birth to death. I live my life. I protect myself everyday through prayer.
The reality is as much as each of these people are successful in their own individual rights. They are missing living within an indigenous community. I can live in mine. I can function with the dysfunction without it harming me. I am not afraid of being hurt physically or afraid of by attacked verbally either. I know it sounds like I am living in an ideal world. I am far from it. The difference is that I choose to live where I live. I can live off the reservation or off the reserve; however, I live where my heart is.
The old people told me to get an education, so I did. The old people said walk forward and give thanks to Creator for all your blessings. Billy Mills, a gold medal Olympian said he had suicide on his mind. He never thought he could win a gold medal. When he did he knew it was in our Sioux way of living to give-away showing his gratitude to Creator for blessing him for his accomplishments. So, his entire life after winning is to give back to the indigenous youth. And, for me, maybe my accomplishment may not be as great as Billy Mills or the two acquaintances I've written about.
I just know that my living within my community as an elder is giving back however humble my gift is to give back. Part of my blog here is to give back what I know about being a healthy indigenous person means. I'm grateful for the time I had with these two individuals when I was but a child seeking guidance from my peers. I was just fortunate enough that Creator guided to this group of young souls. I only hope and pray that we all support each other as a family belong to the human race.
I have no regrets in the decisions I've made for myself. I've lived a very free and satisfying life. I am letting go of all expectation of other indigenous people and will not waste time on any issues as to why these two individuals chose to follow the path they did. I took this path where I knew I would find love. It's this love for my community that exists within this reality I've created with my Creator. I believe it's why the conflict I have with these two individual exists is because they don't see the love I see or have sought for so many years. My late mother would say first you need to love yourself then you will learn to love others. From these teachings, I've learned that my learning to love others I've learned to love an entire community and from there loving my existence.
Yes, there are so many indigenous girls and indigenous women who were murdered, are being murdered right at this moment and who will continue to be murdered in the future; however, we must not lose ourselves in this grief and in this anger. We must see it as what one wise person said. We must see it as mud. Mud is a normal thing need for a seed to grow. without mud a beautiful flower can not grow; however, it's up to us to change. Each day I wonder what is it within side of me that I must change in order to something great to happen someplace over there. Over there were where darkness lives. What must I do to give that place light and love to transform anger and hate of such dark mud into something meaningful and beautiful that will help another soul. We must not give up seeking our own power of truth, our own power of love and finally our own power of soul.
Yes, an indigenous woman died today, named Marlene Bird. Some evil man raped her, burnt her leaving for dead and she survived losing both her legs and being scared for life. So, many of our sisterhood living in a society where our spirits are been eaten before our souls die. I pray for protective healing light for all those who are vulnerable. I write for all those who can voice their fears.
