October 5, 2017

Okay, as I am editing and rearranging my blog from blogger, I've realized that much of my Google plus is shared privately. This means that I will need to go into every post and edit the dynamics of this site. I transferred all my blogging stuff onto this site without realizing there was a editing issue.

so please bare with me as I am trying to understand this whole editing issue with content. I am hoping to add a different take on the theories around indigenous women as it pertains to our sexuality and gender roles as women.

I don't want this site to be to over saturated with boring stuff and historical stuff that makes people want to cry out of frustration. This is not my purpose. I will transferring much of my content to other blog sites and will provide a link to this origin site.

I am figuring the content of this site has evolved and , or needs to evolve. There are so many opportunities out there for young indigenous women, indigenous girls to get involved in, and I know that we as an indigenous community need to support them in a positive supportive way.

I just wanted to update you on what's going here. I'll be off for a couple of days, as I've got a oil painting that needs my attention. Within my community over this past month there were many deaths. I sometimes think, those who chose to stay away from their home fires are missing out. Yes, it is painful to lose a loved one, it's painful to lose a community member and it can be overwhelming; however, as I too am in the midst of my own grieving. I find solace with others. It gives me strength knowing that as each generation goes by, each one of us, must be prepare and willing to be there emotionally for each other in times of need.

This being said, I hope you all have a good week out there. And, remember, love yourself, be full of yourself or self-fullness, in the midst of selfishness as people are depending on us to be mentally well for ourselves and them.

wopida mitakuye oyasin

Why it is so important to not force anyone to do something they do not want to do.

A common example is Albert Einstein, who hated math. He hated it because he was forced to do it. Once his parents stopped forcing him and allowed him to do whatever he wanted to do he allowed himself to enjoy learning.

I am a firm believer in such thoughts. I feel better when I am not watched or have expectations placed on me to perform. So, I try to keep myself from interfering with another person's life. So, here goes my story.

A few weeks ago, just out of curiosity, I had a friend link me to another person. This person was friends with my friend and I didn't mind since at one point in my life I knew this individual. I was curious. My friend and I, we had known each other about the same time as this new found acquaintance of ours. So, she linked me up and he after much thought reconnected with me. I had linked up with many others over the years and thought what will it hurt to see how his life had turned out.

Well, before I continue, let me say that prior to texting him I had already formed an opinion of him. I really didn't want him to think that I was interfering in his life by any means. And, for lack of a better understanding I thought it wouldn't hurt me to fully disclose my life's story to him. After all he's off on the other side of the world and he's living his life the best that he can. So, you may ask what does this have to do with interfering with or manipulating someone into do something they don't want to do.

Well, it takes a bit of logic. I had already known from our mutual friend that he had lead quite a full life of success. He had left the country and from my understanding was sad and lonely; however, he was too suborn to admit it. He was too suborn to realize he isolated himself. So what does this have to do with me. Well, you see, I had nothing to lose. I could say what I wanted to say to him and quite frankly I did. As his life, from my point of view, just didn't seem connected. Well, I mean, you had to have known him when I first met him. But, enough said. Here's the thing.

I'd already known that many people had tried to convince him to move back to Canada. There is basically nothing here for him; however, my belief is and was, that if you are an educated indigenous person you need to pay back to your community. That's just me, much in how I use this blog site to give back to my community and my indigenous community as a whole. My life experience does mean something to someone out there. I know it's something I thought every indigenous person believes in and I can admit I was wrong. He got the best of me; however, in retrospect, I had nothing to lose.

I am just putting it out there as I know he reads my blog. This blog in particular is a part of my artist in residency project. I am revamping and rearranging the content of this blogger and copying items into other sites. Now, don't get me wrong. I did appear to his generosity. After all he did work for Justice Canada at one point in his life and I thought since this topic is about indigenous girls and indigenous women that he's have some input into the direction I could take this site.

The reality is like I've said I can not manipulate or coerce anyone into doing something they do not want to do. I explained to this acquaintance that boundaries are in place to keep whatever friendship, acquaintance status healthy between us. I had already know that I had no significant position in his life to lose and whatever I say to him could be construed as being obtrusive. Really, I nothing to lose, so why then I insist on boundaries you may ask. Well, it goes back to my being full of my self or selfulness. In other words, I had to trust that my decision to end our brief sessions of being acquainted with each other.

For me, it was a win, win situation. Firstly, he had no interest in me romantically; maybe, academically. Yet, from all my investigative probing, I realized whatever I did was already done. There were many indigenous people before me who tried to tempt him to return to Canada. Like I stated, just like in ceremony, we can not force a person to participate in an activity they don't want to attend or visit. It just goes against everything I learnt to establish for myself. As is the case in writing this blog. I can not force girls to report this plastic medicine man to the police, nor can I promise any of his victims I'll be in the court room with them. Everything in life must be done freely by the individuals choice.

So then, what does this act of free will have to do with this blog site. Well, everything in a way. As indigenous people we've basically taken on a struggle that existed before we were born. For indigenous women, its been being devalued as human beings. For our race, its been systematic targeted as savages. For indigenous women, being stereotyped as being unclean, salacious, unfit, promiscuous and just out and out undesirable. As I've researched for positive imagines about indigenous women within Canadian government archives, I've only read how indigenous women were used.

It's made me realize that I can not change history, nor can I change the nature of some of our indigenous men's hearts. As my female indigenous friend would say. "So many our men have become successful as a badge of Honor at what a good little Indian boy I've become, without every having to deal with their own childhood trauma." It is for some strange reason, we as indigenous women took it upon ourselves to heal from our own childhood trauma. As much as we lead the way, we as indigenous women can not force our indigenous brother to follow. Just as I can not change this indigenous brother of mine whom I took in as a friend years ago, I can not coerce.

I did put subtle hints about how difficult it is for a human being to change their behavior after a certain age. I mean, after all, if this indigenous man has never taken out or been with an indigenous woman, what makes him think he could try taking one out now. Logic would state that the indigenous woman would want to be with any man who finds her attractive sexually. I mean there's got to be that certain arousal point in any sort of beginning. My friend warned me about his stubbornness. She knows him better than me or for that matter every care to know him.

My ending any type of acquaintance process into a friendship process stopped. All I had to do was tell him he needed to move back to Canada. All I needed to do was tell him he didn't respect my boundaries. I wanted him to know that as an indigenous woman I didn't like being treated like an object. Something he'd objectified his entire life. I knew who he was and back so many years ago and I knew what he'd become was only what he had created for himself. I love being indigenous. I love our indigenous even if they are plastic medicine men. There is something to be said about being a phoenix rising from the ashes. My blog may warn others about predators; however, there is a beauty in how we as indigenous people thrive. I can not speak on this acquaintance nor his action to be so detached from his culture or his people. Like I've said its not for me to coerce him.

I don't pit him either, because he's living a pretty comfortable life. He doesn't have to worry about anyone but himself and isn't that selffullness is all about bein full of ones self? Yes, to some extent; however, there is a sense of freedom I have knowing I made the right decision to eliminate such a negative person in my life. Especially when I've chosen to live and breath indigenousness.

A large part of blogging via social media has nothing to do with manipulating my Audience

Here's what I try to do for myself and ours to understand. I try to be full of selfness or full of self. Little did I realize the decision I made when I was twenty five years old were going to be the basis of my life long philosophy. I can say this now that much of what I thought needed to happen within my life has happened. I am talking about material things like husband, children and home, rather I am talking about my ability to trust myself in knowing the decision I've made are the right decision for myself.

It may seems simple. Yet, we all go through life and at some point we question ourselves as to whether we've done the right thing or not. I mean, from this blog that started our about ten years ago until today, I am amazed. Wanka Tanka is an ancient being. The prayers I've said over these years were heard. My ancestors, I hope are proud of me. I didn't start this blog to create a "hate" group or have my readers think that they could rely on me to form some sort of  "Vigilante" group. And, no doubt over the years this plastic medicine man has threaten me indirectly. From various women threaten to sue me, to women actually coming to my community, yes. They've come to see with their own eyes this woman whom NCH claims is stocking him like some sort of infatuated, crazed beast rutting for sexual pleasure.

As much as it seems like a comedy, it has been for me. Throughout me life I've made my own mistakes and haven't we all. My mistakes were let say not to hurt people. As it appeared to only hurt myself in my own pursuit of my own happiness. This being said it's taken a great deal of personal sacrifice to be has healthy as I am. I wouldn't have had it any other way. And, in a sense this is what I wanted to share with you all. Especially indigenous women, cause I know your out there reading my blog and for those of you who've reached out to me over the years. I hope you are doing fine. And for those indigenous men who had the courage to reach out to me, thank you for being an indigenous warrior. Sadly, there are not too many men who sill stand by their daughters, sisters, wife, aunt or grandmothers. I say this cause in reality if there were then those girls who filed claims with the police would not have dropped the charges.

For one individual, the efforts you've made to get the word our of how dangerous this plastic medicine man is, I am truly humbled. I know it's not easy to look at your sister with disperse.  Thinking why does she want to kill herself. I know your family is a strong family and that they don't have this substance addiction to deal with rather they are dealing with the life of your sister. I hope she is doing fine. I know that she's been in and out of mental health facilities and that this angers you. You do have a right to be angry. I met your sister years ago. I just didn't think NCH would use her the way he did or never imagined the cruelness he had towards her and other indigenous girls and indigenous women; however, this attitude is historical.

I know you know this cause you are a very influential person and have used social media to get your point across that you want this plastic medicine man to know. He needs to know that there are men out there who will stand for his abusing our indigenous women anymore. Over the years, I've had some indigenous men contact me indirectly and some directly. I amazed me that they tried to also manipulate me into contacting the police on their behalf. So, to this young man whose stood up for his sister, I thank you. I just wanted my readers to know that you are out there. There are countless indigenous men out there who do not want this plastic medicine man to hurt anymore of our women. this type of abuse is historical.

What are the long term effects of childhood trauma on the human heart?

The reason I am writing about personality disorders is that within this realm of psychology there are many disorders. Over this past decade, I've wonder why this plastic medicine man has escaped
the police all these years. Why is it that people, especially those follow him are unaware or consciously choosing not see his behavioral addiction. In particular, his addictive behavior towards young indigenous females. What is it about him that is perceived has being normal in our Indigenous country? So, I think and believe that we as indigenous people must have some sort of addictive behavior that prevents us from separating ourselves from the obvious. His personality disorder for example is extreme. Because his disorder emotionally hurts his young female victims.

This being said, I am writing this post in my vain efforts to explain to you, my readers that we too have some sort of addictive behavior. It may not be as extreme; however, just like substance addiction, there are different degrees of abuse. I believe for most of us who suffer from some sort of childhood trauma, it about self-harm. And, again, let me caution you that there are extremes here as well. So, the following is an example of how an behavioral addiction can emotional harm ourselves if we suppress or not address our childhood trauma. Believe me, it comes back to bite you in the ass. As I've lived within my First Nations Community these past decades, I know a little about the grieving process. 

I also believe that over this past century, our people were not allowed to grieve. Taking away our ceremonies that were meant to help us grief and process our emotions left us craving a place to belong. In this sense of wanting to belong we've sometime given up too much of own freedom in order to survive. I am getting to the point of being able to think for oneself. Being able to not be manipulated by another is a choice. Although the following does talk about a behavioral addiction, I'd like to say that this behavior can be self-defeating; however, it can be illuminated. You can start to heal and you can start to learn how to think for yourself.

It may not seem clear to you at this moment in time; however, if I can heal and if I can help my readers relate to what I am discussing then I've helped one person, you. As much as when we are children we want our parents to give us direction and we want them to nurture us; however, when poverty and starvation is our parents main concern, we as their children get neglected. Throughout my life I thought I had lead a pretty violent life seeing my late mother being beaten, then seeing my older brother do the same thing to his first wife. I just saw too much violence towards married women. As the years came and went, I studied.

The scariest part of my life came when I was hired to look after suicidal teenage girls. I am eternally grateful for this experience as from this point on I started doing self-reflection on my own personal life. Throughout these years I've met some pretty remarkable men. Healthy men and some not so healthy me, who shared apart of their life stories with me.

My research into the effects of Indian Residential School had on the 'taming of the savage indigenous girls' was an interesting read. The efforts society made over these centuries, decades and years and months was the most revealing. We can not help but cringe at the thought of our own bodies being nothing more than an object. Something that can be thrown away in the trash. The documentation of sex trafficking happening to our sisters, mothers, grandmother and great grandmother is disturbing. The systematic efforts to starve our people to the point where our men would sell our women to feed their children.

This whole cult thing that NCH has going on here for himself is not new, rather its very old. The government did the same thing to our indigenous girls and women. Promising them a better way of life if they would only follow their teachings. And, their mothers thinking that they were sending their daughters into a better life because they were going to be learning how to be good women. Like I've said this propaganda has gone on for centuries, as its apart of the genocidal process of eliminating the voices of our indigenous girls and women.

I believe as we've moved into an age were our young people are being educated and are starting to become awake. We must realize that we must support them.  These young people are not stupid enough to follow this Plastic Medicine Man. Because they've met him and they are educated. They have strong parents who taught them how to think for themselves. Over this past year, I've been honored to see such brave young people gather at Standing Rock #NoDAPL. Imagine if you will that the entire free world and some not so free were watching. Here the spiritual leaders of the Great Sioux Nation gathered in prayer. Ask yourself, why wasn't this plastic medicine man not present and you've got your answer.

I've never really understood there was a difference between behavioral addiction and substance addiction. I thought that substance addiction was all in one. It never occurred to me that both are separate beasts. This is an important concept as it clarifies must about my own behavior and the behavior of so many indigenous children who've experienced childhood trauma. Much more so I am focusing on these addiction as they are relevant to obsession or the need to belong and the extent to what an individual will do to feel that they belong. My efforts in warning girls and their moms about behavioral addiction went unnoticed. So, here what I am going to do. I am going to put it into a story. I story that you could relate to and hopefully understand the possibilities of a better future. As there is hope. We, as indigenous people have one shot at getting this right. If we can not do this in a good way we same to lost. Our ancestors do not want us to loose our way. Wakan Tanka is an ancient being.

In my years of seeking out a profession, I stumbled across "mental health" issues as I was working with youth in an isolation First Nation Community. I'd thought of myself as indigenous and never really thought of myself as some sort of "princess." Mainly, that stereotypical mythical tempest type of alien creature. Some woman who just by the touch of her skin or a tear dropping touch a man's skin could empower her to have absolute power over any man. I never saw myself as such. Yet, in all this experience I had living in an urban environment, I was still quite naïve about what it's like to live in an isolated poverty stricken community filled with violence. And, this mythical female creature is something that government reinforced for centuries, as if we were not human rather savages able to convert and educated indigenous back to his original savage state.

Don't get me wrong, I grew up in a violent home; however, in my naïve way, I really didn't know how good I had it. Living fifteen minute most of my entire life near a 7-11, movie theatre, shopping mall, the best education offered an indigenous girl and woman. I sensed I was different only by the attitude my relative gave me. For as much as I was considered a card carry Indigenous person, I still had metis relatives. I still didn't understand my Sioux heritage. As my great grandmother had blue eyes. My mother's people, like her uncles looked "white" and such was their Dakota name meaning "Whiteman." I really never saw them as metis, or non-treaty cause they spoke their language fluently. I just thought it was me who needed to learn the Dakota language.

So, getting back to behavioral addiction versus substance addiction, are two concept that takes some getting use to understanding. Mainly, cause there are so many behaviors to identify and this is why I am going to be very general about this addiction. Most our lives, especially my life, I've focused on substance addiction without really being concerned about behavioral addictions. I believe mostly cause most people I knew and grew up with died or were dying of substance addiction. I never really understood how I developed my personality disorder until I understood my own childhood trauma. And, yes, when we use inappropriate social skills to cope with any traumatic event we inadvertently create a coping mechanism.

It's these inappropriate coping mechanisms that gets us into trouble. Either, we can not think for ourselves or we take total control of our lives. Its two extremes. This is the crux of this blog today. As I believe many of readers need to know who I am. You need to know what motivate me into writing about a sociopath. When I first met him, I had already did quite a bit of personal healing. The problem I encountered had nothing to do with me; however, it had to do with  into others who were still using inappropriate coping skills. I don't want to get to this topic as this whole site is about such experiences. I want to discuss, behavioral addiction in one very aspect that ties into my subject matter.

When I first worked with suicidal youth, I read up on their case files. I reflected much on myself and the community from which I grew up. Needless to say, I was very concerned about my own mental health. You know that saying, don't take these descriptions too literate or you could over diagnose yourself. I am just mentioning this because within all that I know about family violence and how we as adults bring our childhood experiences into our adult lives. I can say I took my life for granted. I never was beaten everyday of my life, nor did I feel like I was raped as a child by any of male members of my family. I am also not trying to minimize my own trauma rather I am going to explain my inappropriate coping skills. I'll explain it using my relationship with a potential lover so that the story and experience can be relatable.

When I was twenty, I met a young man. He was still in High School. He was quite the young man. He was quite outspoken and for a young man then. He was someone to be admired. In fact, the group I associated myself with were so taken up with his personality and character, they nurtured him throughout his high school career. As he puts it, "I had a normal life there, finishing high school as a normal person." We, the group I was associate with, we were all like one big family. His first family away from home. He had run away from home. We had had this in common too.

In fact, in hindsight, we had a lot more in common than I realized at the time. And, the only reason I am mentioning this now is that the two of us, we were young and youthful with a future laid out in front of us. Now, this is where the experiences of childhood trauma fits into the whole scheme of things. Sometimes, if we are not careful, and if we do not nurture ourselves both with an education and mental health awareness, we can drown in or evolve our behavior into a disorder. Much like our infamous "Plastic Medicine Man; however, this wasn't the case for either of us.

Our coping mechanism lead us into two different paths; with mine being more introspective with a fine arts background and a minor in the physical sciences like mathematics and for him, he went into law enforcement background and a lawyer with a civil service job for the Federal Government. The things we had in common before our futures took us in different paths was how we coped. Yes, we had this in common in the beginning, without the two of us knowing just how similar we were. In order for me to teach you about what a personality disorder is I must first tell refresh that word call behavioral addiction. We tend to think of any addiction as being that of substance; whereas, when we discuss behavior we need to be introspective.

Sometimes, we create a thought to help us cope or ignore a feeling. Most times when experiencing a traumatic event our minds tend to create such thoughts. Without realizing it becomes natural because its helped us survive. As teens, we as adults, see infatuation as a teenage behavior. We never tend to think that this behavior extends beyond our teenage life and maybe in some ways we just don't see the puzzle. There's missing piece. The only way to find this missing piece of this imagery puzzle is to find out when and where it was created. This is difficult as behavior isn't a physical thing that one can never hold. So, go with me on thing abstract thought here.

Reflecting back on ones life and realizing we are either happy  and contented or we are sad and depressed. Where did these feelings of loneliness and isolation come from that we find ourselves craving intimacy. Now, here's the story. This young man we will call him, Robert and we will call me the young woman. Ola. Well, Robert had a father who was not a drinker; however, he beat him regularly and coldly. Ola, on the other hand was never beaten by either of her parents. In fact, Ola's only traumatic experience was watching her mother being beaten. Also, by the time she met Robert, she had been brutally raped. Ola never told Robert nor wanted the police to do anything about her perpetrators. She just wanted to be accepted by her new friends, including Robert. Who seemed to have it out for her.

Robert loved his community so much, Ola remembers driving with him and another acquaintance to this isolated northern community. Robert, being rude to her as usually told this prior to getting into the community meeting he wished to attend saying to Ola, "These people here are going to think that you are sleeping with me and him." Ola was taken back at this remark and as far as she was concerned had to bearing on her purpose being with these two young men. If things were not complicate enough, upon return to the city, Robert made a sexual pass to Ola. Ola was confused as she didn't think Robert liked her. So, she thought she would approach him to ask him about his sudden attraction to her; however, Robert ignored her. Again, he was pushing her away and ignoring her as if she were the one who was infatuated with him, instead of the other way around. This felt Ola very lonely and alone. The group had found their messiah, a young brilliant mind. As for Ola, she was a dime a dozen and she felt like she wasn't needed, so she left the city and moved to another city.

Now, it seems typically normal, yet it's this behavior that I am focusing on with regards to behavior addictions for both Robert and Ola. And, why this disorder is so difficult to understand. Even for Robert years later as he lives his life he wonders about his feelings; however, for Ola, she's had experience with being retrospective and can see and feel when this addictive feeling tries to control her thoughts; whereas, because Robert never understood where he created such behavior, he still can not as he puts it: "I still cannot talk as fully about myself as you can. I simply find it too hard and painful. Sometimes sit and cry, trying to not feel sorry for myself,"

This whole world of infatuation isn't based on actual intimacy rather it's based on fantasy or an illusion of love. It's an inappropriate coping skill. A skill that represses our actual situation or desire to be loved or belong into a group or family unit. This is especially so if the family unit is dysfunctional. And, sadly to say, most indigenous homes are dysfunctional, even the most political families. We tend to think that we are doing things for not ourselves rather for the great good of the family unit. It's a negative reinforcement that if and when used can motivate us to succeed in our own personal struggles.

So, Robert hated being indigenous and hated wearing his brown skin; whereas, Ola embraced her indigenousness and wore her brown skin. Robert hated any cowardly act, humiliation, insult or injury and reacted to every challenge given him; whereas, Ola, she didn't mind humiliation, insult, injury and as for challenges, as long as she didn't have any competition, she was happy. However, both had their draw backs. Each had develop a personality disorder and were unaware of such a behavior mechanism inside themselves. As life moved forward and each exiled in their areas of expertise there was still something missing. As Robert said with every new challenge he created a new place to belong until that got old and he moved onto another challenge. As for Ola, she knew she needed to deal with her childhood trauma.

Robert got married, divorced, and started isolating himself; whereas, Ola never got married and she started networking and sharing her life's story with whomever needed to hear account of trauma and healing. It's not to say Ola is better than Robert, by no means, she still struggle with her behavior when that addiction to protect, create, or run away triggers a thought; however, she and her friends talk about their feelings.

Okay, all this is said and done and you've heard of such stories and its nothing new; however, let take this back a bit. Back to where both Robert and Ola met. There was already hate and revenge filling Robert's life. He just didn't see it then; however, Ola did. It was the way that he treated her, as she never treated him bad or mean by any means. Yet, its as if she had cast a spell on him. Enchanted him beyond his effort to control his emotions over her. I picture this as more of the mythology creature I mentioned early. The seductive maiden whose very tears could convert Robert back into a savage. He just couldn't bear to love her nor could he bear to become a savage. A savage that he had hated or was beginning to start to hate. Remember, he's in the midst of establishing his sexual identity here. He's away from the influences of his over-bearing father. He's found a group of young people like himself who he's bonded with and whom he feel he's got a sense of purpose.

As for Ola, she too is as plans to make something of herself. She doesn't want to settle down with a young man who's  all piss and vinegar with no hopes of getting an education. As this story goes each went off to educate themselves in their prospective fields. Ola, whenever she'd met a young man, she would try focusing on our matters. She thought if she pretended to be infatuated with an obtainable man her peers would leave her alone. There was this constant effort to setup Ola up with a boyfriend or try to get her married off. The peer pressure was too great. She just couldn't see herself being with any man or for that matter any woman. She just want to live her life alone.

It wasn't until this behavior started to get the best of her that she realized she had taken it to far. As she had talked with whomever she had become infatuated with over the years, her practice of establishing boundaries was becoming healthier and healthier. She was fortunate that those men she admired were healthy men and were willing to help her without any motives to seduce her or manipulate her. Ola understood the what a manipulative behavior meant. This whole concept of trusting men, so that she could be happy just being happy with who she was, was goal, her desire. Ola came to terms with why she created a fallacy of infatuations with men. She understood that it was a inappropriate way of protecting herself from being hurt if she never became intimate with any of her infatuations. Ola didn't realize the only person she was hurting was herself; however, as the years went by she knew she was strong and a free thinker. She had evolved. She was able to become emotional intimate. Something that should have happened when she was a young woman.

Ola, tried to tell Robert that his infatuation with her years ago was based on a missing piece in his life where he had created a fallacy about her. She tried to tell him that she had also been infatuated with him, as she too was afraid of intimacy. Only thing, he was too much involved with his own ego to see that she had identified his connection to her. A connection that had haunted her for decades. It took her awhile to process the information he gave her about his own life since he had last spoken with her. He couldn't understand why he was so lost and lonely. You see in the whole scheme of things, Robert's first love was Ola: however, as Ola was infatuated with Robert, she knew what her feelings were. There was nothing she could do. She waited for him to express his true feelings without knowing he just couldn't because he was emotionally crippled from his own childhood trauma. On the other hand, throughout Robert's life he thought: "There are some issues that I have been thinking about, things that I have never discussed with anyone and one of these is that I have never taken out an Native Woman. Perhaps a sense of rejection by Native women, I do not know."

As you can imagine, Ola couldn't comprehend such a life he'd lived. He never wined and dined an indigenous woman nor had he ever danced with an indigenous woman. It was a shock that his infatuation with her decades ago was his last failed attempt to engage in an intimate conversation with Ola; however, Ola thought to herself. Robert took on challenges, so logic would determine that he didn't find indigenous women a challenge, only white women. Ola realized he wasn't serious about establishing a healthy friendship after all these years. She realized he was attempting to trigger her behavioral addiction towards him; however, what he didn't understand is that she knew what he was doing.

Prior to them being reacquainted, Robert says to Ola that he was not confident to ever tell her how he felt about her and Ola could never tell Robert how she felt about him. Both went their separate ways and continue to do so. Each with their own personality disorder and each with their own mental health issues to deal with as a result of childhood trauma. This is what they both had in common. They both created an infatuation for each other, a totem, or an imagery fathom. Some form of energy they could hold onto as they strived to educate themselves. For Ola, she reflected. For Robert, he took on new relationships without ever dealing with his triggers. He could only sense that there was a force at work that motivated him to succeed.

The difference is as Robert exceled in his profession the further he drifted away from his ideal Native Woman or the essence of a savage love.  His rage and revenge was projected onto his stereotype of his indigenous sisters. As he could never see himself with an indigenous woman, the further isolated he became. The greater his emotional pain engulfed him. It's this transference that our indigenous men need to bring home in order for true reconciliation to begin. Ola isn't the mother, sister, lover who abandon Robert, nor is she a mythological indigenous creature. A creature that some Aliens abduct rather than the actual reality of being murdered. Than being missing because of alien took her cause she closely has alien DNA. Ola had heard all these nasty theories of why indigenous girls and indigenous women go missing or murdered. She's not some inhuman creature that rejects, manipulates and destroys lives. She doesn't need to be controlled for her own good. Ola is just an average indigenous woman who wants to live a safe and peaceful life.

The morale of this post is: "Don't be afraid to tell someone how you truly feel. They are just as scared as you are about being in love." And, if they are manipulative, then run. Don't look back as they are not worth your time of day.  If Their behavioral addiction has evolved into something that is a danger to others like our Plastic Medicine Man, then run. My story about Robert and Ola is only demonstrate that Behavioral Addiction that is real. It can start out as an infatuation; however, if not healed. It causes sadness. As indigenous people we don't need sadness. We've had decades of being repressed. Repressed so we were unable to grief. So, to Robert, grief over what you need to grief over and try to understand how a simple act of creating and infatuation started you off on a life long career to succeed and excel. It serviced a purpose. Now, that you understand the purpose it serviced, respect it's triggers. Be kind to yourself, love yourself and love those that love you and those you love.

In closing, it difficult to realize that a much as this story is a simple real. Robert struggled with substance addiction prior to dealing with his behavior addiction. So, all things are possible. So for all you young people strive to understand yourself and your motives. We all want to feel like we belong to a healthy family; however, if one doesn't exist, imagine how your life would have been. It's a start, and that how Ola started her healing. As much as Robert spent his whole life motivated by rage, hate and revenge, he's a good soul. As much as he never took out an indigenous women, only marrying white women, he's a good soul. As he's put it, there are somethings he does want to feel or see in himself. I don't know what that is, as I only know there are far too many people like Robert in this world.

And, my sisters, there are far too many of us who see our brothers struggle with this type of behavioral addiction. To you my sisters, thank you for being there for me, when I sense such soul, I cherish the sisterhood of understanding. We are a strong gender whose ancestors taught us how to thrive and strive for our people are depending on us to be there for them.


Wopida Mitakuye Oyasin
Wopida