https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMMt25KFW/ .(taking advantage of Spirituality)
Throughout my life I've seen people oppressing or
manipulating my parents, family members, friends with new trends of what they
believed. Understand, all indigenous people are not all the same. When I talk about my family, I've had people surprising say that they didn't know my parents lived in South American and lived in India. Even though it wasn't years it still surprises people as they think all indigenous peoples are the same.
There was this idea or notion set in place before I was born. Christianity
would enlighten me, save my soul; however, with all that abuse or call it
colonial mindset I swam through on a daily basis like a thick green slime I’ve become a cynic. I mean
not too all people. Only those with an agenda like Nathan Chasing Horse who had
mastered this tactic so any years ago. His ideals of building trust on ideas
that alludes, creates allusion or delusion about creation or following someone
or something to connect me further into humanity or into a thing. Words
used that create a microtransaction that made me feel like here I go again same
agenda. Dehumanizing me into believing their trend.
I
like what Trevor Noah says “social media has allowed people to now take
advantage of spirituality.”
I
believe I do breathe and connect within this blog as I am putting my feelings
out there for people to read. As John Trudell wrote: We live in a time where are spirits are being eaten. Protect your spirit, he says. I also wish for my readers.
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMMtsUNem/ (Murdered and Missing Indigenous Women is historical)
I
am grateful for the prayers of my 10,000 grandparents that came before me. I
was exposed to indigenous women in need from childhood. Seeing women like my late
mom walking around with bruised eyes or being very submissive. Hearing their
violent life stories s seemly like salacious gossip throughout my childhood
into my teens then being a young adult changed my life forever. At 5, I started
being accultured into city life and Reserve life as the location of my Reserve
was ideal for full blown integration. At 15, I lived in an Indian Residential
School in Portage La Prairie, Manitoba for two years. At 18, I lived in a
Halfway House in the City of Vancouver. At 19, I was sexually assaulted on my
Reserve. By 20, while living in Edmonton, Alberta I found myself belonging to an Indigenous Youth Group where I
met Marie Campbell’s brothers Will & late John Campbell. I started to
understand my realities of being an indigenous woman. Listening to this TikTok
about Murdered and Missing Indigenous Girls and Indigenous women, I reflect on
the many salacious stories of trauma lived by so many girls and women I met. By
25, I understood the shocking reality of my existence, and that I was not
alone. My stories like so many before me like Maria Campbell’s book Halfbreed
1973 gave me the courage to share mine.
Its
ironic that despite writing, I wasn’t fully aware of my own trauma. Until I was
contacted by investigative reporters of the Fifth Estate, I didn’t realize I
needed them to help me understand Trauma & Justice. Don’t misunderstand by
what I am writing, I was not coerced or manipulated by these reporters. It
would be unethical for them and for me as well. I am forever grateful. For
years I was met with skepticism. The repercussions of what was reported is a
blessing to me. There were many of Nathan Chasing Horse’s victims who needed
compassion and not skepticism. The Fifth Estate didn’t have to create a documentary
on Nathan Chasing Horse. As an indigenous woman, I wondered why didn’t APTN not
investigate. The efforts it took for a teams of investigators to join forces to
create an Art and Culture Storytelling Documentary that was culturally
sensitive s helped me understand trauma and justice. Its something to write a
blog thinking nobody cares or nobody wants to help these children that Nathan Chasing
Horse groomed. There is so much more I will write about human trafficking or
systemic racism within leader and policing. Establishment that are created to
protect keeping children safe doesn’t exist in the same manner university program.
In my academic life I learned when writing psychological research papers. Doing
such papers were written about my own trauma. I had to show the professors my
vulnerabilities. In doing so I received good grades. So, my stories I told the
Fifth Estate were stories I wrote over these past 17 years documenting emails
from Nathan Chasing Horses victims. These investigative reporters trusted me. Understand
this is the relationship I established with them helped them understand my perspective
as an indigenous elder and an indigenous knowledge keeper. Trust between all of
us was never an easy emotion to navigate. Its different writing a paper or a
blog as I never meet my audience. The interactions with these reporters has
made me forever grateful for their efforts and for the trust they all had in
me. I repeat that trust is never an easy emotion. I will continue to say how
grateful I am for the team of the Fifth Estate for the trust in my efforts to
seek justice. I know at times it seems like I was creating a soap opera drama
with my stories; however, I am a storyteller, a knowledge keeper. Debriefing my
blog posts and stories of the many victims of Nathan Chasing Horse who will
never have their day in court nor have a audience to heal from their trauma
with him served a purpose. It helped me be reflective, be protective, and allowed
myself to feel trust as a healing blessing for me and hopefully for the Fifth
Estate Crew. And, most importantly for all the victims of Nathan Chasing Horse.
I wish all the best for those who read or those who were Nathan Chasing Horse’s victims. It took years. There were times when I could not even write Nathan’s name without threats of being sued. The salacious gossip created to manipulate me and oppress me ended once the Fifth Estate aired their documentary. I hope you, as my readers understand, my gratitude to this team of investigators.
I hope my readers also understand the violence or threats of violence made by the followers of Nathan Chasing Horse is imaginary. I felt endangered throughout these decades. Imagine suddenly getting a text or email from a follower of Nathan Chasing Horse cautioning me about my blog.
After the documentary was aired, I’ve had women come up to me saying they cried. I’ve had women who were salacious towards me hid from my presence. I’ve tried to not have any regrets throughout anything I do or have done. I try not t hold a regret to anyone I met or will meet, hoping when feeling connected by saying thank you to them. I’ve had women come up and give me hugs. It still overwhelming even as I write. I hope you all understand it took sharing very traumatic life events.
When you’ve grown up thinking that this dehumanizing feeling is normal. When you are afraid to voice your opinion. When systemic racism isn’t about the color of a person’s skin, rather its how we as human beings think or treat each other. It’s not appropriate to dehumanize another human being. We must find the courage deep within ourselves, this courage created by the prayers of our ancestors, if we listen deeply to our very souls. We will find compassion. Its this compassion that protects our very souls from being eaten. We must have the courage of understanding how protect the sacred.
As we continue to work towards truth and reconciliation,
it's important to recognize the distinction between Indigenous peoples living
in Indigenous communities versus those living in urban settings. In Indigenous
communities, most individuals are born, marry, raise their children, become
elderly, and pass away within the same community. The sense of community and
connection is strong. In contrast, urban Indigenous peoples experience a
constant flux of movement and job changes, resulting in a lack of connection to
their neighbors, culture. I lived in cities where I have felt a sense of being
lost; however not to the point of feeing disassociated as some who are homeless
feel.
For those in urban settings, the use of terms like
"trauma whore" and "trauma porn" I often employ these words
for shock value. While truths and reconciliations are important topics, we must
be mindful of how we approach them. Indigenous peoples sharing their trauma
stories may be seeking validation and acceptance, while non-Indigenous
listeners may feel addicted to the salacious gossip of it all. I believe it
from the lack Curriculum development used to educate non-Indigenous peoples in
our schools. It's important to recognize the impact of our words and actions on
others as, and also in how we approach these topics with sensitivity and
respect. This is difficult when one side refuse to trust the other side.
In a closed
community, everyone knows each other from birth until death. But what happens
when someone tries to confront their trauma in public? Creating a safe space
for trauma can be difficult, especially within a tight-knit society. How it
works is by family or community events like baby showers, weddings, dances and
funerals. In a closed community we work together to create such spaces where we
come together to support each other. Our community for example at funerals is
where we can share our stories and support each other without fear of
judgement. Community events that are life altering that have a lasting effect
on all who take part.
It's crucial for
those who want to give their trauma a name to have a safe space to share their
stories. We in a closed community continue to show compassion and support to
each other's differences in how we heal our traumas. Together, we create safe
spaces for everyone to heal and grow by showing respect and trust. However,
it's important to understand that in open communities, this healing process is
difficult to comprehend. Open communities are very transient and have very
public attitudes of converting others to follow a belief system like
Christianity or therapies. With the lack of understanding Indigenous closed
communities, governments or oil companies and institutions hire Indigenous
personnel. I believe again it’s the lack of cross-cultural training employee
and employers. Indigenous histories are not taught in elementary, junior high,
high school or colleges. It is only when an Indigenous student seeks higher
levels like a PHD that they learn about Indigenous history. These individuals
are hired to speak about how they bridge their cultural gap; however, from my
perspective it's salacious. The narrative of trust does not fit into this
narrative as their non-Indigenous audience only sees the narrative rather than
the action does nor do they see the Indigenous personal narrative. It lacks
action, compassion, and connectiveness to a healing process that is so foreign
to non-Indigenous people that they want to romanticize or mythologize it. It is
this mythologizing that I call Trauma Whore and Trauma Porn.
In committing to creating safe spaces like baby showers,
sports events, marriages and funeral we learn trust within each other where all
who participate their stories, without fear of judgement or ridicule. Together,
we have made difference and in making the difference by allowing our indigenous
ways of knowing and our indigenous ways of healing to hold space in
non-Indigenous open communities. It become salacious without it being. It is a
straightforward way of saying this is what we ae doing for our truth and our
reconciliation, and again, does it understand why its so transient coming from
an open community. Does it understand why its so untrustworthy. #trauma#community#safespace
