The Great Mystery of Human Energies & creating supportive agencies'

Good afternoon. It's , July thirteenth. yesterday was the end of Stampede 2026. I had a pass, didn't use it. I had plans, but it just didn't churn out that way. the weather extremely hot and I'm pretty sure wherever you're listening from you've experienced that too. But there's also smoke in the in the air and For me, I can't I can't be exposed to that type of environment. I know I'm maybe a bit depressed. 'cause I was thinking, why haven't I submitted a podcast recently? Well, again, maybe maybe I I'm I don't the greatest thing a person needs to do is not self diagnose, my goodness. Okay, so what's b the wrap up the past couple of days or weeks since I put a podcast out? Well, for one thing which sticks in my mind, down there was a concert 'cause on in the Stampede there are concerts, free concerts. And there was an argument where someone pushed an indigenous man and the fellow said to the guy who pushed him n you know, to you know, like excuse me kind of thing, like don't be pushing me. he the guy became like anyway it's on TikTok. a whole lot of people wanted to identify the man who had pushed him because he did some racial slurs and, you know, just said, Do you want to be do you want to be in a hearse or something like this? Or I can, you know, bury you with all those all your ancestors in Indian residential schools. The in like the denial of white supremacy or the denial of what happened in Indian residential school (02:02.23) Or even the fact that it's a joke to white supremacists is a stark reality of just exactly what it's like to be indigenous. Now, I made comments like that to people in my community and they said, Well, it's always been around. And I Yeah, that's right. But I don't know if people actually understand the gravity of of this until a friend of mine made a comment, she says, Well, if if the individual he pushed rather than being indigenous was Muslim, the Calgary City Police would have acted on it. Again, because it's rel considered a religion. But but again too you know, different mindsets and how people perceive what is appropriate or inappropriate. But at the same time too, you know, people in Calgary and of course the whole world have to realize like white people are a minority now. And And at the same time too, even though people may think that black people are a majority in other countries, the statistics are like there are one billion white people, one billion black people, and what, six billion people of brown skin? As evolution has it, we're we're not at a stalemate. I think we're in a process of people thinking who's manipulating me? who's trafficking me, who's who's mansplaying me, who's fawning me, all this limerence, all this violence, all this need to control somebody. And I think the majority of people are starting to realize like, my goodness. Like I I recall a black person in social media saying the reason white people are upset is because they cannot control the narrative anymore. They cannot say, Okay, I have you know, you're going to do be my maid or you're going to be my servant. At the same time too, that's just in terms of economic development. Daisy Jacobs said, it's seventy five dollars first payment, then thirty nine dollars per month. You're welcome. (04:19.403) I was just looking for pet insurance, so I'm really glad that that I got that. I I was worried because I put it on TikTok. My dog needed some help. A reality check here. Nobody responded. My poor puppies. I I you know, I've had to put down at least four dogs, all due to injury because I couldn't afford them. And even then when you take them to the vet to be to be put down, it's like three hundred, three hundred and fifty two. four hundred and fifty dollars j just to have them euthanized. So you know, the amount of money I pay just to feed my my dogs is is a lot. But you know, they're they're they're happy, they're sad when I leave and they're happy when I come home. And even if I'm gone for a half an hour and I come home, they're happy. So that kind of relationship with another living being or living entity is like You know, I it it's really important for me. And I and I believe a lot of pet owners as well. Going back to the systemic racism and the racial slurs and the whole need for up out of population to realize the statistics that happen and like I've I'm very naive when it comes to a lot of things that people have lived through. I I believe I've lived a very sheltered life and and I I again When I meet other people who've lived sheltered lives, it it really b it amazes me. Like because you know parents raise their children to protect themselves. And when you're raised in an environment where you know there's lateral violence or there's civil unrest or even civil war, the the idea or the ideology of raising your children to be isolated and protective and and for the child to you know, live your whole life in that environment. Even though you're a person of the world traveling all over the place, there is still that naivete of exactly what pe human beings are capable of. And and for me for me, even though my parents were raised in Indian residential school, and the same with my grandmother, there was always this notion that there were people who were claiming to be medicine people who were really pedophiles. (06:46.685) Or they had been notorious gangster type quality when they were teenagers and all of a sudden they're doing sweats for inmates and the whole nine yards of trying to convert people to their way of living so they could stop the addiction of whatever they were living with. Now I grew up that way. But at the same time too, th it gave me a a head start in and making sure that I just didn't listen to people's lies or determine who was lying. Especially like when I wasn't taught about human sexuality by my parents or my grandparents. Or or for that matter my aunts and uncles. Now, I'm gonna tell you a part of how I understood human sexuality. I ran away when I was seventeen. And I turned 18 in Vancouver. It was only a few months. Didn't have the slightest notion about employment, rent. I knew nothing about prostitution, human trafficking, gangsters, nothing. I didn't know about drug trafficking as well. And lo and behold, I get pushed right into this drug underworld. In and where we were staying, there was just four of us. Four of us, me. Larry and Phyllis. Four of us. We shared one little room with one mattress and like how how silly of us as teenagers and children. I've lost track with them. I I know they've probably lived very harsh lives because I had f the insight to move come home after I think six months in Vancouver. And and again too, I think knowing and being promiscuous, I didn't understand. I thought like, okay, I'm a human being, I can behave and do what I need to do. The social norms back then, because what they just discovered the birth control and there was the hippie movement, make love, not war, rock and roll was coming into play, psychedelics, it was like I (09:14.261) I don't encourage people to run away, but for that in itself for me was a huge life changer. Even now in my old age, when I go to sleep, I still have those memories and they're good memories because I chose to not get involved with like the drug world, prostitution, trafficking, lateral violence, physical violence. There were there were just some things I stood back and watched, but at the same time some things I did get involved with that I regret and learn from. Now when I came home and the following the following year, or I think it was in the fall or the early winter, I was sexually assaulted with serial rapists from my community who were married, young married men. I didn't understand the whole psychology of men too. Understand this. This is like fifty five years ago. And even today, like when you talk to women and you you know, realize like some people do not want to have children. And back in my day, that was very few and rare for that. The only thing that I think about is when my parents went to India and I my my two sisters and myself, we were children. We were billeted out to five women who lived in one house and At the time I didn't know women couldn't own a credit card or a home. So the fact that a cloister or co a group of women came together as sisters to make a family so they could all live together in this home in safety did not comprehend that. All I knew was that there was a sexual revolution and this whole logo or saying of make love not war didn't really click and and I guess too That was the time of like George J not George, John Lennon and Yoko Ono. So as as I look at things today and I look at how people see Muslims, how people see all types of religion, Catholic Mormonism, and I and I know about ritual abuse. I also know too like the fact that men don't like women. They use women as sexual objects to have sex. (11:40.406) And a lot of women are in denial that that's the the the what men see because, you know, growing up w like I like I was sexually active for just a short amount of time in my life. But during that time I knew married men, who pretended they were single were just h who look they they were just like mosquitoes. heck, and I And all under the guise of religion or or social norms of thou shalt not commit adultery. And I was talking and listening and we have discussions about Mormonism and and also discussions about what if they call the Republican Party when they have conferences. Like like down the Wasatch Front in the seventies, it was notorious for the police to raid little parking pl rest stops for homosexual activity and and to arrest the men. again too, I worked in the state hospital and one of the f former patients had successfully killed herself and she had entered there when she was fifteen and had been the girlfriend of a notorious serial killer who was shot and executed the last gun execution by firing squad in Utah. So, you know, I was I was there in seventy-six when he came and he you know, went on a killing spree one night in in in Provo, Utah. and the same with an Oram. So I knew how violent people were, but I I didn't ever think that I would be working with children or with youth or working with like people who've been traumatized and who'd been trafficked or victimized or manipulated to disassociate with reality. And when children do that, like there's just a whole series of studies on the different stages of development. I didn't know all this. And the thing about social development and human development, especially with young women and and older women, middle aged women as well, I think it's important to have a discussion. (14:03.455) about healthy human sexuality. It's important for women to experience orgasm because it really sort of gets every everything in the nervous system moving. but again too, y you n since the seventies, women have a choice to to use birth control or abortions. Now, during the Calgary Stampede there's the highest rate of infidelity and divorces. You know, people who've been married supposedly happily for thirty years get divorced. The largest amounts of sexually transmitted diseases, the largest amount of abortions, it's it's it's a ritual. We're calling ritual abuse or ritual or ceremony. It's people giving permission to behave a certain way and the whole city the whole city takes part in this. So you know it's just like everybody's giving permission to be promiscuous. at anybody's expense, especially children who are apprehended from from parents who are drinking and drugging or even missing down on the midway. It's like I I chose not to have children and the realities of just what what pers is perceived as a healthy human sexual male isn't what it appears to be. Now When I met Nathan Chasing Horse, th it just he just didn't there was something different. Not that he was handsome or that he had some sort of sexual like that he that I knew he would be good in bed. No, no, there was something not sinister. There was just something because understand, I'd I'd been around a lot of indigenous men who j just in conversation I would know like, my goodness, th this this man is dangerous. Or or they'd be so obvious because they weren't that diabolical, they weren't that manipulative or skillful in hiding their behavior. And so that's like like I said, it's I was I was grown I was raised this way to to be alert, even though I I I wasn't alert when I was violently sexually assaulted. but a huge lesson, a lesson I learned and continue to learn. (16:30.005) throughout my entire life because of lateral violence and because of women's notions of how a woman should behave. Now, even in collateral violence in indigenous communities, I was talking to a young Metis woman and we were talking about pretendians and the notion of how important it is to approach certain leaderships in First Nations Inuit in Metis communities. And and that it's it's one thing you know, for somebody, especially in the city of Calgary, I think there are forty thousand indigenous people living in the city. But and if they have lived in an indigenous community and now as adults they're living with their families in in urban areas, the reality of it is like if they have a status card and they don't have that connection, then then how do they pay back society? There was one young woman, Chris Dirks in She passed away a few months ago. W there was a conversation I had about pretendians. And she had conversations. She used the pronouns they and them. And she had said, I know I've applied for grants and I've received grants and I've had many opportunities to excel in in the music industry because I'm using indigenous status. And she says I I do intend to not apply anymore under the umbrella of indigenous grants. However, she was still aware that she had indigenous bloodline and a s and a and a and a status card, okay? So the reality of it is like there are some people who have never lived in indigenous Metis or First Nations communities who have a status card, have applied for it and they and they abuse it. they have no understanding of the poverty or the injustices that the indigenous communities face every day. example, in one community a twelve year old, like I think they're having her funeral today, killed herself. (18:39.857) in my community, even my sister's granddaughter tried to kill herself. The reality of alcohol and drug abuse and how matriarchy has to be there, no matter how horrible the the family member is in in just you know being disrespectful and and just acting out inappropriately. You know, it it who's gonna be there for for for that individual. It's usually the matriarch. And again to who's there for the matriarch. I called one of the ladies I'd interviewed f a few months ago on a podcast and her daughter tr had tried to kill herself. So I just picked up the phone, called her and got the lowdown on what she was going through. And like that's the reality of when I say facing inj like facing injustice every day of our lives. Those things and those programs that are needed for our youth and even for to help our youth find jobs and and support, those monies need to be directed to the individuals who are actually living in my community. And a few years ago I had the opportunity to select various artists within the city. And and I advocated for them and and I'm really grateful for the public art to to be there in support of indigenous artists. Those types of examples are are what is important that people actually are looking at people who have actually lived in First Nations Indigenous and Metis communities. It's it's a really difficult thing if if the person who has a status card isn't advocating the same structure. Because it's one thing to be employed, it's another thing to advocate and make sure those monies go to the people who are who are have lived in poverty. So again, when you're when you're in a in a in a community where men hate women, and I'm just I'm saying not just indigenous people, because the reality of it is I think the I don't know if it's Muslims that think (21:06.701) think that women are lower than animals, they're lower than a pet, or they or there are men, not even Muslims. I'm sorry if I'm picking on Muslims too. It could be Catholics and Anglicans and Mormons. Especially Mormonism, get this. A woman, if she's physically, mentally or spiritually or whatever, a s what do they call abused and wants to divorce her husband, she cannot enter the kingdom of heaven. She has to be married to a righteous man in order to get into heaven. So a lot of w women buy into this we'll call it illusion or delusional way of thinking of some group of people wanting to have control over their sexuality. And you see it in the Republican Party and all the things that they're trying to do when it comes to the rights of women and their bodies. But at the same time, too. I think it's also important for men to step back and think, am I in the why am I in this relationship? I think somebody had reported that fifty percent or I forget the statistics on how many men are bisexual and that they just do not like they like for them to have sex with a woman because they hate women is is to fulfill their sexual needs. So and and a You know I kid you not, I am naive about all this stuff because I've never been I've never been in a relationship. I've never had to sleep in the bed with a man like a h like a partner. so a lot of this sexual drive that men have, I've been quite naive about it, but at the same time I have no the I have no reason not to re not to doubt it because I know at a very young age just how men treated me. And and the fact is like like it it was so rampant and and because women didn't have the have very many rights fifty five years ago. So now you know that women have succeeded in becoming professional, they are able to have their own credit card, own their own home, own businesses, become millionaires, billionaires. The whole notion of human sexuality and (23:30.153) And the needs of what women can actually do or live without. Now, I I tell you like how long I haven't been sexually active, and that's the truth. I I know I've talked to various men, and I know one man says the longest I've gone is one year. And I I like it it it just it just amazes me how somewhere along the human evolution line or circle of male development that somewhere somehow something got off the rail or went off on a different route like there's a river and somehow the river flew flowed differently. And and because of that, you know, human development and the reason why men behave the way they do is like what what happened? What did their fathers not teach them? Their uncles, their grandfathers What did they not teach them? And why for some reason were they so ashamed of where they grew up? In poverty? Or the fact that they were embarrassed about their the patriarchy, like their male the mate male patriarchy, even though it was mostly like for dominance, they still s like I said, somehow veered off this path of healthy human sexuality. Now I I was thinking about Nathan Chasing Horse and I thought, you know, people get tired of me talking about him and I thought why after like twenty years, why do people, you know, think that I was obsessed? Was I going through depression? The r the reality of it is like just the whole notion of why people would follow someone who has like three hundred and fifty thousand dollars in child support who has a bunch of children that he's sexually active with and and that they supported him. I like that was the whole one you know wondering why are women supporting a man's behavior? again too, it's just like when women are married to men who are sex are violent and beat the bejesus out of them. (25:56.714) I I thought about that when I was a teenager 'cause I that's all I saw. My mother being beaten, my aunties, my cousin my like my like I just saw it, the abuse. And and even genera intergenerational now that I'm older and some of the elders who were like my grandparents' age and and knowing their legacy because of the sexual abuse that they left their legacy within my community. You know, it's it's astounding. It's astounding and as a elder, I think that's produ probably why I advocate and I talk about these things. and I and I put a warning out there because I'm not directing it to indigenous people, I'm directing it in terms of all men. Okay, because there there is there is a notion like like in terms of evolution, i in terms of like collective and holistic ways of thinking. And and you you wonder like, okay, if if this is if this is real, then why are indigenous communities in such poverty? Well be again, because those rituals and ceremonies have been bastardized. So so in in theory I'm I'm being very hypothetical when I talk about healing and the importance the importance of you know having these ceremonies and the importance of knowing actually who actually know these people who actually, you know, have have (27:33.974) You who I'm sorry, but who've actually gone through ceremonies, I've gone through healing. And and I put out a warning there because I know there's a lot of pretendians, a lot of people who mythologize or glamorize indigenous ways of of knowing and thinking because they can put in their own equation, they can mansplay, they can say, this is what you're this is what it is you're you're trying to tell us. I'm going, No. We're we're not trying to tell you a damn thing. All I'm saying is that throughout history, even before I was born, there have been people who have had disconnection from their communities. like hundreds and hundreds of years. But the but understand too, like even a thousand years ago, a lot of people lived in communities. A lot of people in those communities were hor horrible. Like like like the people who came off the Mayfa flower. You know, in the first year they became cannibalistic. And again, people allowed that to happen. So a lot of things and a lot of intergenerational trauma and a lot of hearsay in in terms of people who lived in communities and and systematically just wanted to make sure how they saw themselves and how their children saw themselves. So for example, I had about a couple of hours on Instagram texting this one fellow because somebody had posted there was a nude beach on Soutina. And they didn't say Soutina, they said in Calgary. Said in Calgary there are two nude beaches. I said the one that you're talking about isn't in Calgary, it's on Soutina. And I had this stranger, like I I checked his Instagram, it was a private account and I told him, I know it's up your private account. And he started mansplaying me, you know, telling me like how ignorant I was, that I was no better than the colonizers, et cetera. I don't think he really commented on other comments where people said, No, this is Sutanalan and that's Crown Land and you know, do you realize like yes they're trespassing? So in other words, the fellow who did the TikTok, you know, he was he was mistaken in saying it was in city in the city of Calgary. (29:57.548) Not understanding the legal complications and the realities of what the Indian Act is or what the federal government's jurisdiction is with regards to municipal municipalities. Now that's all you know garbage talk and whatever you might think because it doesn't affect you. But for me I've lived with it my whole life and to have somebody mansplay me or stab me in the back about you know what I think is is not fair. I I just explained to him, you know, that part of the that part of our community is is a dangerous place because people from the city have come and killed people, burnt them on the site close to this nude beach. I said there's also trafficking, drug all this stuff coming in from the city and of course I'm gonna take license plate numbers and report it to the tribal police. And and again, you know, he's he's r you know, mansplaying me that that I'm some I'm living a delusional life. Without even comprehending that I'm indigenous. I mean he knew I was indigenous. But the fact that and I'm assuming he did because he just kept on mansplaying me. And and again, I've lived my whole life with white people since I was five years old in schools with with kids, you know, mansplaying me, trying to manipulate me, trying to, you know, make it look like I'm just like them when I'm really not like them. And and like trying to tell me, well, this is what you need to do when really they don't know what it's like to to live in my community. They they just think that the same bylaws and taxes and shit like that that we live under, when even that too, like that they don't understand Crown Land and how like it's not their taxes. This is like the example would be like Brittany Spears having her her parent having guardianship over her and That's that's basically the federal government under the Indian Act and all these these laws from the time of treaty has has been set up as like they're they're they take care of our our money 'cause they still think we can't handle it. And and a again, we live by the bylaws and the guidelines and like I said, we have a young man in my community who's a millionaire. So a lot of people have lived off of my off out from my community. (32:23.979) And have come back to give back. And again, too, they're they're not pretending. They do have their status card and they have lived here. They come back or stay here. Like for myself, I lived away I think sixteen to twenty years of my life. I've I I again too, a lot of the colonial constructs of of what is deemed indigenous, I I understand that to a point where I know how not to participate. example would be when Nathan Chasing Horse the court subpoenaed one of the girls from Soutina to stand and testify with with one of the victims who had n known Nathan I think since she was seven or six. sh say her and another of her friends who had joined Nathan in the cult, well just the one was subpoenaed, but But she needed support. So the support of young women petitioned chief and counsel to pay for their trip to Las Vegas. And there was a band counselor and a and one of the male relatives that went. Very powerful experience for the survivors of Nathan Chasing Horse, the the three women who who were testifying. Very it was a very powerful i like support for them. Now, the reason I'm mentioning this is that it was all expenses paid. Now throughout my critique of Nathan Chasing Horse in my community, for the first I think ten months when I helped organize the weepy ceremonies for him, each of the ceremonies was five thousand dollars. Now even though I p petitioned and wrote proposals, if it weren't for the leadership supporting me and getting the ceremonies going, they wouldn't have given the money. Like just for me myself. like I I'm I'm when we talk about misogyny, I I'm using that as an example. I'm a female. I have no partner, no children. Like I'm the lowest on on the echelon or what they call it, Maslow's pyramid of hierarchy. I'm on the lowest realm ring ring in indigenous communities. Mind you, with this whole issue with Nathan Shaysinghorse. (34:52.641) the reality for me is to shift the way I think and that I'm not at the lowest pyramid but I'm on the top. And and so that's why I'm doing my podcast is because from the very get go when h the leadership in in Sutina was manipulated by Nathan in the sense that he was taking these two young girls and he was gonna make one into a supermodel and and you know like really promote these young women like in the entertainment field. But the and to pay their rent and expenses like as more followers from the reserve, even women who had married in, had petitioned to get moved to Las Vegas and the chiefs and count the chief and council, certain certain leadership paid money so that they could pay rent for the supporters of Nathan Chasing horse. And and I don't know the exact amount, but I do know in one of the interviews by I can't remember her name. She's she's originally her grand I think it was her mother's from Hobima and then her mother married into Paul Ben. So I do know like just the amount how skilled some women are in approaching the chiefs and counsel from different communities for for for money, like holding your hand out. a at a price. Now I know when he was arrested, the amount of money that went out to bring all his followers that from Sutina back to the community was spent. So for a long time and even today, when I talk about my podcast and I talk about the silos, the individual groups within the community and how they fight amongst each other that is is existing from I'll say a colonial mindset. I you still advocate, I still say, well (36:54.045) I wrote a letter to chief and counsel and the woman who intercepted is the daughter of one of the serial rapists that I took to court. Of course she denied my application. but again too, that's you know, when somebody says, Why didn't you apply Marina? I'm going, No, there's lateral violence. I I I may have moved up in status in terms of being an elder. And and again, even for myself, I've always been vocal More so now that I'm an elder because what have I got to lose? You know, throughout my life, any kind of threats not to have a place to live or a job, I I just moved off the reserve and and found work because I wanted to get an education, earn my degree. If I'd had dependence, if I had a partner or children, it would have been very hard, I would have had to have sacrificed my voice, my narrative. But I haven't and and I don't think women who've chosen to have children can understand like that in itself, just like I can't understand, you know, what it would mean for a woman to be triggered when she sees a baby and triggered in a way like, I want to have another baby. I I don't have that. And I'm I'm and I'm pretty sure women who've lived on reserve don't understand how I have lived so independently alone. Alone because it frightens them. my my conversation with one of the ladies who I had to step back in friendship but we started talking. And and I mentioned to her, I said, I said, because of this Nathan chasing horse, I said, some of the women still thought I was chasing after him. and I said, I I I don't know, I can't comprehend that notion of how women think that way. And she said, Well Marina, understand this. Like again, this is the reality of indigenous women and men non Sutina who come into our communities, you know, thinking they're such hot male studs, come in and all of a sudden all these women are swooning over them. And I'm not saying just Nathan Chasingors. This is we have a history of it, believe me. And some of these men are not even attractive like Nathan Chasingors. I mean, there are parts of him I think when when (39:18.217) I I think when he has makeup on that he's attractive or when the light hits him a certain way. But again, too, I'm I'm I'm saying the reality of it is the history of non in non Sutana men coming into our community and sleeping around, like having like like really, you know, y you you come and you sleep around, stay stay in at one woman's home for a couple of months and switch to her sister or cousin or whoever and eventually you end up with someone who you decide to have children with. Like when my when we were having the conversation like that, I'm going, yeah, that's right. And she said, yes. She says, she says, some women just just do that. Like they they they just take part in sharing this man. And then when they when the man finally settles down with one woman, it's the history of all the women he slept with. within Sutana that he still has to live with. And and it's those women who have enabled him to live this lifestyle who who just don't really care about my podcast, you know, who just don't care about how dangerous men are, because you know, they're they're just blaming it on women. And and again, too, this this lateral violence is is so extreme. to the point of like hurting people just so you can earn like a hundred thousand dollar wage every year. You're like it's we're it's stiff c stiff competition, I'm telling you, only because like we're we're quite wealthy. and again, because of all the money in the past twenty years that was dished out to Nathan Chasing Horse. Like it it's it's phenomenal. Like even within my own relative, who again to I can't comprehend why she can't press charges against that. monster or excuse me, I was told not to classify him in any other way. Not like just as a a person who's done a horrific crime. Okay, so really like a a disassociation, delusional, fear, who knows why people choose not to heal. I again to, you know, why why do people live like this when when there's help? (41:44.788) A and yet again too, is it pride or is it just the fact that you're you're so mentally unbalanced that you can never find reality? I don't know. I don't know if people are schizophrenic or bipolar. I I really don't know. I'm I'm not a professional but but for some dark reason the whole notion of of the legacy of Nathan Chasing horse is is interesting. That's why I do the podcast that I do. To the to the point where, you know, when it comes to human sexuality and people not wanting to see how men are. example like Nathan Chasinghorse told one of his followers, can have sex with women. Cannot masturbate or have sex with your partner for a whole year. There's the partner, I'm saying, don't you think that the reason he's doing that is because they're lovers? Then she went on to say that that th this partner took out a mortgage. buy a home for Nathan's parents. Now how dedicated would a individual follower, you know, spend mer w working, you know, what, eight hours a day, forty hours a week to pay a mortgage on a house where he'll never live? Things like that are really mind boggling when it comes to the dedication or the love interest or the And I I'll say love interest because, you know, again, women are in love with their partners, so they have children. But a lot of times those men fool around, have have affairs inter marital affairs, or or they're bisexual. example, again, another example. Like I mentioned earlier in my podcast, there were some white friends of mine who were talking about the conventions of the Republican Party, the United States, and how this one site one website where people hook up, put out put it out that they're available, bisexual, homosexual men. And and the the the website crashes every time they have this these Republican conferences. Now, what is the difference between that and other religions who who hate women? Or for the fact that like when men are telling the truth like, women are are are this (44:08.843) I have no interest in them because they're like they should cover themselves up. They they you know I because again, like the man is in saying this is who I am. I can have sex with boys, I can have sex with other men. Like they're just blatantly open. Now, am I saying that wrong? Or should I say that's conducive to the reality of what men are really like? How do we how do we educate our young men to respect women? the fellow who escort escorted me and and bless his heart, you know, I I even took my medical, you know, a form that says if I have a heart attack, resuscitate me. I had that in my medical bank. I I didn't get the opportunity to show it to him, but I knew that, you know, he was there in case I needed medical help. And and he was there just to validate everything that I had experienced over the twenty years. And that's one the key reasons why I do my podcast is because of the interest that he had from a different point of view that because that wasn't indigenous. So he's coming from a different perspective. And and so like I said, on the Maslow's period of a hierarchy, I was on the lowest of the low, and now I see myself at the top of the pyramid. So When when we were talking about the energy the sexual energy that happens in rituals and ceremonies and how Nathan Chasinghorse used that because like I explained that in the Wa Weepy ceremony what I've noticed is the sexual energy just within the participation of it. Not only can equate it to going into a nightclub, like even when I was i in Vancouver during the hippie revolution and free love. go into these dark nightclubs with strobe lights and everything and there was just you could just feel that sexual energy. Like it's innate in all human beings. However, in different societies and how they conduct themselves, like I said, look at the Calgary Stampede, given permission, high divorce rate, high high children being apprehended. All that that's an example, that's a perfect example of society given permission for people to behave inappropriately. (46:33.739) Now, is it inappropriate or is this just showing them the reality of actually what human beings are capable of, especially men? Especially men who have a lot of anger towards minorities or they think because of the way they see themselves as heterosexual or they or they're really fr have fragility, especially when they're stupid drunk. I had one of my late father when he was younger, I read a book. paper from a fellow who was in Oxford or some sort of un high prestigious university in England write to my dad saying, you know, that when he wa first was a freshman, how he'd get drunk with all these other young men and how he was so lonely, he took advances from another boy or young man and they became lovers for a couple of years. And after repenting he realized that it was the alcohol that drove him to this homosexual behavior. And yes, my father my father was an alcoholic and I had seen him with with one of his male lovers. I'm open about it. And and even when it comes to some young indigenous men getting out of jail, provincial or federal jail, and and and they start drinking and drugging or get lost, I'm going to to the matriarchy who support their relative. I said we we don't know what these the you know, our relatives have faced with other men in th these prisons or even in society when they're drinking because of what men do to each other. So h I know when I was talking to the esc the guy who escorted me to Las Vegas, I was talking about promiscuity and he made a comment, he says, you left you you broke hearts like in other words Because I was sexually active, I I automatically a man fell in love with me. see that's that's misconception about hum healthy human sexuality. it it takes it takes, you know again the the whole notion the whole notion that it's the woman's responsibility to you know, like because of you somebody fell in love with you. And I'm going, no. (48:57.131) No. I I said I could say that to men too. Mm a man chose to to when I made advances he chose to have sex with me. It was mutual. But it doesn't mean that he fell in love with me or I fell in love with him. It was mutual. We walked away. So again, healthy exploration, trying to figure out your identity, trying to understand your sexual mo what drives you sexually. And and a lot of times too, like even women who choose to have children and that bond they have with the child, like the losing of one's identity for five years and just the hormonal things that happen within a female body, even when it comes to their monthly period and and just the extremes, like when they measure it and and you expect men to understand this cycle, this hormonal cycle, when it it has everything to do with the way a woman thinks. And of course Any man who wants to control his wife is going to say, Thou shalt not. I am controlling your libido. I'm controlling your impulses because you are so wild and primitive. You need me as a man to help you get to heaven. I mean, you if you look at it in terms of of systemic racism and you look at the white dominant world. getting upset because dark skinned people are refusing to obey them and they're saying, Why aren't you obeying me? Your your great grandparents were slaves or your great grand you like like even you know, like it's as my cousin would say, a conundrum. But it's up to us to d decolonize it and understand it. So when I lived in Utah I never went to the Cal I never went to rodeo or anything. I did go one time to a rodeo in Utah and I was it was all like again, I'm around Indian cowboys. My father was a Bronck rider, a rodeo announcer, my like I I bet my family has been in rodeo, in indigenous rodeo. So when I went to a white rodeo in Utah I was totally floored. I mean it was like Little Italy, like during the festivals in September I walked through little Italy and I just saw the the (51:22.37) Like the promiscuity of young women dressed with almost next to nothing, just fler flashing their bodies and men just like like you know, when when men groom women to behave a certain way just just to make money, like trafficking, or or like f say for example, the theory or the conspiracy and I don't know if it's it I probably it probably won't be a conspiracy. in the next ten years maybe. I but the reality of like Epstein and and like with his c connection to Israel and how all these blackmail tapes and the control he has over Trump it it's no different in in communities like in communities in Utah or communities in indigenous communities where people have sexual you know, whatever sexual behavior they're trying to hide. they it's black like they they have power over somebody. Now, like so even for Epstein they were saying like just the trafficking of children. So how far is that from reality in terms of Nathan Chasing horse? Well the milli the hundreds of videos they had and only the small amount that they could identify as actually being in Las Vegas and the one of the thirteen year old that they had to seal the record, seal the f the video. Mind you, the the people who came from my community did see it. It was ten minutes. I also like understand this too. some some of the video that never like they didn't the federal government and the FBI didn't charge. Again, you gotta understand the gravity of this. This this man who's serving life in prison now Could have been charged with embezzlement, tax evasion, and racketeering, on top of human trafficking. But it's it's the like Epstein. But it's the it's the the the the video of him having sex with a ten year old child. things that that I probab that will probably never surface, percolate to the top, because like he's he's he's put away now for life. Twenty twenty seven, thirty seven? (53:48.559) Twenty seven years before he can apply for parole. even if he should live that long. I mean look at look at Epstein, he didn't even live that long, and the amount of political leaders that that he was siphoning information to Israel. So the and the very fact to understand this. When I was studying psychology in the university, one of the instructors who had her PhD had worked for the US Pentagon. And her main job was to in ins intercept by the Pentagon to read l dossiers, letters from world leaders like Putin to the or say for example, to the United States. So she would she would do an analysis and and make her recommendations of the behavior to to the to the Pentagon. And the Pentagon again would pr present this to the Pres President of the United States. Now get this. With Trump being as sad sack, like for for for him to be as as having like again, conspiracy of dementia and in the ability to, you know, even like mentally, physically just sort of deteriorating, break like his whole human structure is breaking down, preparing to die. I mean we're all preparing to die, including myself. that that nobody who intercepts these these important dossiers? And and again too, it may it really makes you wonder who's running the country of the United States. Because because there are high level educated people who know what the hell's going on in the United States. And as much as people wanna use the conspiracy theory, these UFOs and lost civilizations and these giants and you you name the narrative. It's like a fairy tale or like people wanting to r recreate Disneyland. And and I again like when I when they say all these things, I'm going, don't you understand? When I talk about the Wa Weepee ceremony and the energy and what's with the what's happening within that ceremony and how as a collective we're all creating this this energy and we hear what this energy is. (56:16.674) This is how we sense it. So don't people realize that as we live and our energy is out there, that whatever fo whatever is happening, that it's us creating that? That's why in terms of human evolution, the scientific theory is that we're evolving. And and how we evolve in terms of collective and holistic consciousness is like is like a ant pile. As we move. eight billion people, okay? As a consciousness and in in the process too, when when mass amounts of people die, we we move, you know, to to sort of take up that space. And and again, that's that's part of human evolution. But but until we get a gist of how much that energy we give out in just our thought alone. And if we like I'm I'm pretty sure decades and hundreds of years ago all humanity had that capacity or that capability of understanding. Some some called like in Europe when they tried to take control over women, they called it witchcraft. And a lot of people in different countries have different sayings. And a lot of con con cultures and places in the world still carry on their traditions in understanding this energy. So this modality in the healing process And how we understand and communicate our needs as human beings is is vital. I'm not saying that everybody needs to divorce and separate and women become independent and men become, you know, like their natural state of just being around other men. like you look at what they say, the termite. The queen they have one queen termite and she's constantly laying eggs her whole life. And and the form hormo form pheromones that she gives off is that there there's no f other female born. But all these male horm male all the males sort of just work on everything just to sort of keep her s keep her alive so they can live. So I'm not saying we're t we're we're termites or I'm not saying we're ants. I just know in terms of evolution, the c the energy that (58:43.479) that we're trying to understand that's a l a great mystery a great mystery that takes away from the senses, the five senses, hearing, tasting, smell and sight. There there's something a greater mystery. And only we experience it when we come together. And and if we are so used to coming together from the time we're children to the time we're old age, it it it's it becomes a way of life. That disconnection and that understanding of what is appropriate or inappropriate is based on on that collective. I I think that's why a lot of people try to I don't know, try to adopt ind indigenous ways of living. You know, like they become like it looks it seems so simplistic that they have to mansplay to other indigenous people even though they're white like white people mansplaying or explaining w how we should live, yet they're they don't comprehend what we're trying to tell them because they don't have that experience and They're so much into their ideology they can't see it. So I think in in the same sense too, again, I'm I'm just grateful that that for the es the person who escorted me to to Las Vegas that (01:00:11.275) He gave me the opportunity to to really like take a look at who I am. I was I think sometimes we like especially if you've gone through genocide, we tend to for me I tend to have not seen myself that way. And it's not because I'm not loved, but it but in a sense of like being seen. It's it's a warm, fuzzy feeling. And and I'm grateful that I felt that with him. in the sense that he was curious in my story, in my narrative. And and the reality is that I have something to share with humanity. And no matter what I'm supposed to be doing in this lifetime, if I can give something back to society and say, this is how I grew up. This is how I understood my life. And this is why whatever skill I have in seeing men for who they are. Even if other people don't see it. I know I've had people say, well it's people have been like that from the beginning of time. People have have had a voice and so many people will not listen to them. And and that's that's the reality of the I mean that's one narrative. But the thing about it, I think what's important is for the individual who's doing the narrative to understand like for myself that that I'm important. I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm capable of receiving love and attention and that that whatever my life has been that someone is curious about who I am and how I live. A lot of times people ha have a a (01:02:18.935) feeling like when I talk about energy, most of the time when I meet people they they sense this feeling. And when I try to explain to them the process, sometimes they get it and other times they don't. And so I use this podcast to to to let people know. I'm just very fortunate that I have a home base. It's my anchor, it's my antenna, it's my source of power. in in a sense of empowerment and and that it's important for us to protect our heart, mind, spirit and soul. It's important for us to acknowledge those people who who see us and also to protect them with their, you know, their mind, spirit, heart and soul. It's it's important because there's so much people without even them knowing it, eating that energy from us. We're living in a dangerous time. A dangerous time where people have been hurt through trauma, through manipulation, you know, just totally wanting to give up. And it it the comp like how I can't the to comprehend how a twelve year old child would just want to end her life. I I can I can understand that. I worked with high risk teenage girls. All of them were sexually abused. All of them. And the boys, when they acted out on the boys' ward, all of them had been sexually abused. So this propensity for adults to be sexually aroused by children is historical. It's beginning it's been around since the beginning of time. It's called ritual abuse. And Part of my fear when I went to Las Vegas was to run into that s that seven-year-old child who I saw with her mother here twenty years ago. And and because she was born in 2000. Now my niece was eight years old. But and the other girl who also Nathan had she had helped put Nathan (01:04:40.577) behind bars, she she knew Nathan when she was three years old. So when talking to the supporters of Nathan Chasing Horse and letting disclosing to them about my nieces, two of my nieces, and and that the one the youngest one, how in ceremony he would use a rattle to hit her over the head to scare her. And the reality is like yes he he scared he scared children. He scared them and and he sexually was sexually aroused by that. And understand this, this was happening twenty years ago. This this his propensity for children. And and again, I don't know how I sensed it. I don't know how I sensed it and I the only way I can understand it is like I I'm a matriarch. I'm the oldest in my family. And when my parents travelled or People were traveling and I was looking after my brothers and sisters. And when I sensed something happen to them, I couldn't do nothing because I was a child. That same sense I sensed around Nathan Chasing horse. That that in itself, because I was raised as a matriarch. I know one young woman says to me, yeah, I've I've you know I know about matriarchy. And I I said to her, I know she didn't like it, I said, you have to be born and raised in it. But but not only born and raised in it, but you have to be aware when you see what adults do to children and your child too. And how you're helpless not to help them. I think about that with my late mother who went to Indian residential school when she was five years old. And all those children, how they were helpless. Helpless to to rescue other children. That's the legacy of Indian Residential School. And that's the strength I have in in seeing people, especially men, do this, behave this way. There's different degrees of it. I've I've been around men who have been rapists. you know, I've I've been around men who, you know, are so horrible to women, beating them up. (01:07:02.923) So there's different degrees of of the way they behave. I I'm grateful that that I did stick to it. I'm grateful that I stuck s st you know, st stuck to the fact that I this man what he did. And then and then to realize, my goodness, it was children, children. Not not just like yes, 14, 15, 16 year olds, 13, 14, 15, 16 year olds. And w you know, when the followers say we're drinking the Kool-Aid, you know, i it's not like so many communities, I don't know how many peop places in the United States still allow child brides and parts of the world that still allow grown men to have children as partners. It it astonishes me that that this still happens. It it it's not it's no fault of the child. But at the same time too, I I bore witness to these things growing up. And and I'm just grateful I chose to not take part in in having a partner, because I wouldn't know if that partner that what they did as children, especially children hurting other children and then they grow up to be teenagers. That whole notion of like, all children are holy, yes. But it's how how we how they honor this this this respect that the community gives them. So with that like I really grateful I grew up in Sutina and really grateful for the elders even even if I didn't know you know what they were capable of. It was just the notion of seeing the grace they carried with them in old age. We all are going to leave this world at some point. But it's important that we share these things that are meaningful to us. yesterday, yesterday morning one of our elders passed away. (01:09:19.746) beautiful woman raised her children and raised foster children. You know, just was an advocate for children because of the the hardships she went through in Indian residential school. It's legacy after legacy of the thousands of indigenous people who experienced that type of abuse and and chose to help other children as they grow up. Even even though it may not look like you know the the the the the children or the grandchildren of of the the survivors are trying, it it's the reality of systemic racism. So I hope I hope my podcast has helped somebody today. I like I said, I'm I I know sometimes it's really difficult for me to get myself motivated and you know, that's something I've had to take care of my entire life. some people just give up or try to live in that illusion or delusion or that place where when they disassociate grow move into that s that area. But I'm just totally thankful for the memories that I I have had this past year, never knowing that there was going to be an end to the saga of Nathan Chasing Horse. (01:10:57.514) in in the my efforts to get him behind bars, and my efforts to alert people to how dangerous he was. And even if you only see the tip of the iceberg through news media, the realities of of what he was capable of and the things he could have been still actively involved in. Understand this too, there are still supporters of his and still a lot of young indigenous people. Who are practicing these ceremonies and who are abusing their own people, all for the sake of bastardizing ceremony that was based on collective and holistic ways of doing things in a community that was c enclosed. Those things don't happen today, but if you want to mythologize it, romanticize it, like that that one lady who was here in my home, her whole life she she she she she she embraced it in in a very delusional way in mythologizing, romanticizing it. And and it destroyed her life, destroyed her daughter's life. And the reality of it is that if it weren't for her daughter having the courage to create a narrative, whether or not her mother was capable of even supporting her. It takes a hell of a lot to to just create a narrative. It if if you can find a safe place and a supportive place and create a support structure, even if some of those people who you think are supporting you aren't, it's okay. You just need to find s just one person. That's why I say when you go to therapy, shop around. Don't just pick any therapist. Or if you're going to do something with somebody, trust them. Trust them a hundred percent. What whatever their background is, like the the escort that followed me to you to to Las Vegas, if he's horrible like whatever happened in his childhood, his teenage life, his young adult life, his mid like his his adult life, I don't know. And and (01:13:22.21) the the reality of it is like his curiosity for for who I am I've never had that before. I've had therapists, but not in the same sense. And I and I think that's important for people because therap therapy is only part of this iceberg. It's the tip of the iceberg. There are there's such deeper roots, like a root canal. There are such deeper roots that That are meaningful because because it it's not structure. It's it's a great mystery. So so with that I I try to explain that when things happen in a profound way for you, you need to celebrate them through your making your own ritual and ceremony. But not something to you know brag about. You do it in in a calm, peaceful way, with no cameras, no tape recordings, no nobody you you know, documenting it, anything. The these things are are something that you create in a sacred space because it's it's it's creator's will being done for you. It's the grandfathers and grandmothers gifting you, the individual who is processing processing things as we go through our day to day without even knowing it, but having people validate it and and you stepping back as time has gone by and going, Okay, that's that's what happened. That's why I felt this way. Like I said, the the escort who escorted me, just just doing what he did. And he he may have thought, Okay, I might have some prejudice, but it but it isn't racism. I I've been around racist white men who I've had to travel with. Total totally different. I have racist uncles, white uncles. Tot totally different. So again, too, I we're not all perfect. I know I know I'm not perfect when it comes to just traveling with another human being. But I really enjoyed myself. I I really enjoyed myself this year. And I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful that for the experience so I could (01:15:49.45) at least give some insight to to non indigenous people like what it is that they need to do and understand before they can even start developing programs or or supporting supporting indigenous led led initiatives because it i it it is important. w we we're we're here. We're here to be seen. We're not invisible. Thank you.