Living on the land versus urban living from an indigenous perspective

(00:03.65) Well, it's July ninth, so happy birthday to my niece Janelle. And hello to Darcy and Marie. So yeah, it's a little different than a bl blogger. Blogger people would read my blogs but never send me email. And I know on my podcast I've heard one of the one of the ladies she says, I'll jump on live with you and I'm going, Go ahead. But I I am gonna invite her to ha have a conversation later on, I don't know when maybe next week, with regards to growing up on First Nations as an indigenous female. She married off from Soutina and just the whole dynamics of misogyny and lateral violence and I was talking to my my cousin. This has nothing to do with the lady I'm gonna invite, but my cousin, bless her heart, like Y you I mean I I have a degree. I mean she has a degree as well. But and she's she's she married her first husband was was from her c home community and they had three children. I I've never been married, I don't have children. However, the misogyny and the lateral violence towards women who do not have partners is so steep. Like I have a home. I'm very grateful that I have a home. And you know, when I lived in the States it was just like paying rent and I couldn't even have a pet or a garden. I was like in limbo. That's how I felt. And I I know y you as listeners, you have a a different upbringing than than I have. So if I think I'm being ignorant, it's just because I don't know certain things about what it is to have to deal with paperwork and all the necessities of living in a municipality. I do know what it's like to live in the United States and I do have a say a small inkling of what it's like to live on a reservation in the United States. However, I live in Canada on a reserve, not a Inuit community or a Metis settlement. (02:22.794) So I so when I talk about indigenous people, that's who I'm talking about. People who actually live on the land who have a different outlook on what people in the cities have. You know, people who have status cards. Like I had a status card, I lived in the city. I didn't get any rewards for from my membership. Never got, you know, my rent paid for or travel allowance, nothing, no utilities paid. and things are changing. Things have been changing for my community, but not all communities. So when you have someone who has a status card who's lived and grown up in a First Nations and st who still has family living there, like brothers and sisters, you know, not just one relative, okay. I mean I'm talking about community. So bless my cousin's heart. She's living in a house that her mother lived in. And her mother was my aunt and the shingles on her roof need to be done. She needs a new furnace. she just needs a whole bunch of things done for her home. And like the next couple of days it's gonna be extremely hot in Manitoba 'cause they're in a a heat dome and she has a portable air conditioner. So even sh the fact that her sister the lateral violence got all this stuff done to her home so that her home is cool. Yet here's the the other sister, Mike I'm I'm cousins to both of them. But but it's it's the relationship of how you grew up and what the lifestyle you chose to live. And my cousin chose to get educated, raise her her three children, adult children with it now without any help from their dad. And bought a home, sold her home, moved back to her community. And yet she's living in this home that really needs a lot of renovations. I live in a home that's newly renovated. It's my home is only ten years old and yet I I got it renovated. But yet this isn't even though I'm h living here, this originally was my mother's home. (04:38.496) So I I want my listeners to understand like when I talk about misogyny and when I talk about people who sort of just poo-poo on the fact, there she is. Like any any First Nations, any any wit or any matey female who is single, who lives in their community off the land, knows what I'm talking about. I've done so many talks, I've had young women coming up to me and saying, My mother experienced the same thing. It's just like it's lateral violence. But what can you do? I mean, where's the magic wand? Like where's Prince Charming? Help me, rescue me. It's not gonna happen. I know I meet a lot of other women who are non-Indigenous. I just met a 70-year-old woman who's working in the arts who's f we both have the same friend. And You know, it's amazing, you know, you live a certain lifestyle when you're in your twenties and then now that you become an elder, everything slows down physically, but but mentally everything seems to be speeding up. So, you know, what can we do as senior women? We've gone through menopause, we've seen our lives, we we've felt things, and we've had to deal with our emotions, we had to find balance throughout our lives. And and yet just the struggle, we're still we're still baited on. I think I think it's like the soccer player Cristiane Ronaldo, beautiful, handsome man, talented, grew from poverty. and has excelled in all areas of his life and in the sport that he loves. And he still has people who hate him. Now that's the same thing. I not that I'm like not that I'm a billionaire, but I'm just saying that's the way we are as human beings. It does not matter (06:33.068) what kind of kudos you have, what you've done. Somebody somewhere just will not like you. So, you know, you gotta sort of suck it up buttercup and just plow your way through through each day. And and th that's why I think it it's so refreshing to have older women that I can talk to about just planning to do things like every day, like one day, and then and challenging yourself to do it. And you know, when we're younger you don't think that way. You just think I'm gonna do this or I can't do this because of this and this and this. I mean make excuses. Well when you're older there's no excuses because well I shouldn't say that to it it's not just with older people. I think our young people today are living very precariously. I mean, somebody put it that any moment now, half of the world's population could disappear. And it's true. I I s I keep on saying that. You know, just detonate violence. of nuclear bombs in one area and it'll be you know like a asteroid hitting the world and destroying or wiping out most of the population. That's how that's how what we've got ourselves into. So so what makes us so great? Like why do we want to become great again? We're in a pretty we're pretty pitiful and we're in a pretty sad position when that's the legacy we're giving our children and our grandchildren from all over the world. Not just just one superpower or two superpowers. This is something that as a consciousness we have to think about. And and maybe maybe in some very distant past (08:19.0) That has been totally annihilated and erased from our human memory, that that our our the people who came before us knew this. So again, we're struggling with these things and these notions of what is appropriate or inappropriate, what's good, what's bad, struggling through the whole cosmos and not realizing that with any moment we could just vanish. Isn't that pathetic that it's summer, everybody's on holidays, everybody's trying to enjoy themselves and here I am being a what they call a sad sack. But but when I look at Donald Trump and I'm going, What a sad sack. Like there was a comic strip called Sad Sack. Really. I'm I'm not making this up and I'm not trying to to try and create something that wasn't there before It's just the reality. There are some things in life that are just totally sad. And there's nothing anybody can do about to change it. Like I said, I could look at my life and think, how sad how sad am I? And but yet I didn't get this age by by thinking that. And I think it's the maturity or the networking with other human beings who are doing their best just to exist or to make sense out of the things that are happening today in this world. So quite a few months ago, March and April, I met people who had said, including my cousin in Manitoba, that they're gonna come to the Calgary Stampede. Say, yay, great, thank you. I'll have company in July. Poor miserable me. What happens? Nobody shows up. Really? My cousin sh isn't showing up. The lady in Arizona is not showing up. The guy from Washington, DC is not showing up. Who else isn't showing up? Well, even my niece moved back to Victoria. what can I say? Huh? (10:27.192) But that's that's life, you know, I mean, I was thinking about the people I've met in my life and I thought about the people I just met in this past six months or even longer, and even though people come into my life for a brief period of time, there's always something that profoundly has changed in me. in self-reflection and I'm going, What what is it that they touched my heart with? that that I'm no longer that same person I was before I met them. And and that's the way friendship is, and that's the way life is. We meet people and I totally believe that we have to protect our energy, protective, reflective, healing energy. That's worth protecting. I I think sometimes when I was younger, I I didn't know I didn't understand and again Bless my heart. I'm I I'm as old as I am. And and now I can reflect back and think, I I chose this. I chose this and I walked into it freely. And I saw something, felt not not physically like through sight or touch or taste. it it was a sensation of energy. And I think as human beings every day, you know, when we were born as children, we're born holy. And as we grow up, I think I think that energy, however it's evolved, is so pro so profound. And when you reflect back when you're older at the thing or the people you've met or the energy that you've encountered, it it has a lasting effect 'cause I 'cause I think, why am I thinking about this? (12:14.284) Why why is this happening to me? That was fifty-five years ago. Now, again, I want to be very critical in this and say this is not based on trauma, okay? A lot of people want to just use it as a scapegoat for why is the way she is? No, don't scapegoat me, don't mansplay me, don't what do they call that, gaslight me, and don't try to manipulate me. There is there are some things in this life, like I said, with every human being, we have this gut feeling. So based on gut feeling, my whole life, I had one I had s a question given to me. How d how do you know how did you know this these two people were gonna be here twice? And I'm going I don't like I don't know the question. it was just intuitive. I just said I it's intuitive. I'm intuitive. I I don't know because I like physically didn't see these two people. It was just a a shift in thought when I'm talking and then out of the blue there are the two people. So that's what I'm saying, when you're protecting your energy a protective reflective healing energy and you're wanting that energy to heal you within yourself. There there's also a part where you have to release it because whatever energy somebody's influencing you with isn't yours to carry. That's theirs. And and a lot of times when there's so much trauma, so much hate, so much anger, so much confusion and just somebody it's like a soul crying out for help. Like, throw me a life preserver. (14:10.86) That's they don't even know they're doing it. It's the same thing as like somebody praying for somebody to die. They don't even know they're doing it. They just it's just an energy. So I I caution people about that. I said we we don't see it because we were thinking we can see it, feel it, touch it, taste it. It it's something a gut feeling and and we have to protect that within our own well being because in doing so We're helping other people, if that makes sense, because I sure hope so. I I sure hope so because the prayers I give out to people who seem to pop up in my mind for and I and a question, why am I thinking about this person? Then I pray and I ask Creator for protective, reflective, healing energy to embrace them because I don't know Creator and grandfathers and grandmothers' purpose in this. And then I just say release this person with protective reflective healing energy. Because it's it's not mine to digest. I think whenever I'm in in contact like person to person, pr talking eye to eye in in the same room with another human being, then then you know that's that's like I I have no how would I put it I I'm just who I am. But yet but yet it's interesting the direction that the conversation seems to go and I enjoy it. We all do. well now what am I doing talking about in my podcast today? Well, it's the Calgary Stampede and just I'm sorry, I gotta laugh because you know, a lot of people hate hate c rodeo. A a lot of people hate like the sounds of the midway. A lot of people hate the fact that it's costing so much. A lot of people hate the heat. Like it's there's just so much percolating. (16:15.394) Like I I look at the Calgary Stampede and and the rides are on asphalt. Okay, and then you go into these air conditioned big rooms and and it's just a heat heat cell. And I'm going, why in the hell doesn't the Stampede Board or the City of Calgary make air like a a a cooling system like in China? They have these these, you know, like they're like light pulse where water, mists of water just spray and cools down everybody. Like Come on, be innovative. These people pay huge dollars to go into the stampede. And then you got all these young people who are all getting heated up, dehydrated, getting drunk and stoned and getting nasty with each other and it's just like a swamp. I I that's the only analogy I have because I I I I grew up my whole life around the stampede. Like I like I've said, it I was a zoo animal. I felt that way and I still do. I I think sometimes too as an elder I see young people with a lot of anger the way I get treated. Not not in the sense of like like she somebody's treating her bad. No, in the sense that when somebody says, Can I help you with something? and I'll say yes. and or they move away and they make room for me. And then I watch people who are looking at me in disgust. And and it I don't even think people really even know they're doing that because whatever issue they have with their like I said their family members, their mother, their father, whatever I represent to them, they they just I can see their anger. And and so I have to stay mindful and you know and be cautious not to loiter around that energy too much. So again that's when we talk about a lot of times when we talk about addiction most most medicine people talk about alcohol and drugs as having a spirit. And and again too the it's the The energy with within the context of the people that are involved in the process of drinking in that space, that that that energy has its own spirit. It's like when somebody says, white men are the most dangerous men on the planet. White men. I have white friends that say, Yes. My friend was in London. (18:41.966) 23 years old, she said there was a about ten young men coming after me. She said they were just gonna rape me. She says, and and she says, and they were very violent. She says she was fortunate that she escaped. But the reality is that when somebody gives permission to a group of people to do something and and they think like, okay, I got permission, I'm gonna do it, like the consequences to that doesn't hit them. It doesn't. And and yet and yet I truly believe, like I I I I don't know how to explain it in the sense that we'll we'll say with war. When a young man or woman goes to war and they've been given orders, so basically they've been given permission to to collect a whole bunch of young men and women, or just young men and old men, and standing up against the wall and and execute them. they they were given permission to dig the hole and do mass burials of these of their victims. It's no nothing nothi nothing in the sense of I I'm trying not to take away from the experience of even the Vietnam vets who were in Vietnam were given orders and permission to do things. So when the human psyche or the human po the human energy that that is sort of like at that unconscious level that has its spirit, it's it's in that that you have to protect yourself from because because like just like I said, I walked into something when I was young I didn't know I had I needed to protect myself. So throughout my life I carry this. It it's nothing traumatic. but but I d I I equate it or I I'm using it as an example of when a human being, a young person is given permission to kill. (20:34.582) and and the consequences of of of being given permission to do such a thing and to carry that throughout one's life, to live with that, because it was given in in defense of say your country or the protection of your plato platoon or or whatever. And again, the cautiousness about it is that sometimes when you have done so many things over and over again with ever getting caught What? Then then it's like, you know, really people I like I see it as being them being really rambunctious. I went to a birthday party the other day and a week ago I think, and this young man came in with his with with my friend's daughter. I've never met her daughter nor nor her partner, but I was there and I witnessed the the energy that was flowing between the s stepfather and the and and his stepdaughter's partner, not even knowing that there was some family violence and the guy had beaten this young woman, but I could sense something. And and that's what I mean. Like a person can get away with so much and think like that nobody knows. But un until you learn how to embrace and release. you you carry that with you in public and people see it. Especially when you're a young person. Now an older person y sometimes you see see it in older people too and I mean I see it in in some of the people I know that are are just so bitter about how they had thought that if they got married, had children, that their partners would be with them for the rest of their lives. (22:30.382) Like there's there's some bitterness attached to that. Or or that, you know having an affair with a married man and and you know, the consequences of like, being bitter because you thought you'd end up retired and happily ever after with that person. Mo most most scenarios and narratives that have come about are heartbreaking and heart wrenching. But yet the reality of it is like what makes healthy human sexuality? The reality of it is is just that nothing is permanent, nothing is is what it is. And for me at my age and how I talk about meeting people that that you're still sexually attracted to or or they're attracted to you, you you still have to embrace that energy because you're a human being. And if you're afraid to embrace it, why? something. See that's the the whole point of it is as a human being you yourself only know who you are. You yourself know why you have to embrace it. At the same time you also know why you have to release it. But doing doing this isn't isn't easy. And and it t it's it's a very lonely process too. But but it's it's rewarding i as much as as much as I know that people don't want to listen to what I have to say, it it's rewarding because so many people have written so many books, so many legends, so many oral stories, so many things about, you know, what life is about. I I met one of the plumber that came to my home last week His his he his daughters have status cards. They they've never lived in First Nations, Inuit or Metis communities and for him he his his status card comes from Metis community. His daughters do. So, but the reality of it is like so many so many indigenous people who have status cards who've never lived in in the First Nations, Inuit or Metis settlements or First Nations, don't realize like (24:50.94) like the money that's out there 'cause his daughter applied for a grant f for two hundred and fifty thousand for her PhD, applied to so many other programs, but when she used her status, she got the money. So my question is, what is she going to do to pay back to all those poor students who who who are living in those Metis colonies, Inuit communities and First Nations? that that have lack of education, lack of proper living, lack of just lack of everything. See that's why I mentioned my my cousin, educated, has a pays a good paying job. But how she's treated, her house, everything. And and i like people don't see that. People don't see the struggle, everyday injustice. And that's why as a woman when I talk about these things and people just sort of look at me and just say, well there's Marina. Especially my community, like I said, some people just look at me as if they hate the ground I walk on. Like who is she to have somebody serve give her food and put food in front of her? Who is she to have somebody clean up after her? you know, I and I'm going, I have nothing to do with this. Did I ask these people to do this for me? They just freely did it. So even that, like like like if people watched, why can't they see that? Instead instead I just feel all this anger towards somebody who doesn't even know me projecting that onto me. And and it's not just males, it's females as well. So so all that anger, that all the misogyny and what however they've grown up, maybe lack of education, poverty, whatever injustice they feel every day, I c I don't have a magic wand. I don't. All all I do is is is talk about healing and how to try and (27:04.312) Talk about how you feel and have s you know, just be a be there for your friends, your family, like have a network. Constantly work at connecting with people, especially being so young. It's it's important. I know I I I it's such a tragedy too when you know I me i I mean if it's this is gonna trigger people, so if it triggers you, I'm sorry, but but it's the reality of living in in our communities, indigenous communities. a twelve year old killed herself. not in my community. But but the reality is the her mother was a teacher, so her mother is educated. But but I just feel like her mother had to have been just w had combat fatigue. because her her husband was an alcoholic that she she gave her their daughter to him to to look after. And the like whatever he did to cause his own daughter to kill herself. It's it's tragic. And yet I have these mythologies or these illusions or these what do they call it? illusions or delusional ways of thinking where people think, she committed suicide, it was her time. Without looking at the cause and the effect and where that violent thought came from, to to kill yourself is the most a violent act one can do to oneself. Like what was she being tortured with? See, people don't want to look at it. They they they think, no, you know, let's live in the delusion or the illusion that, you know, this is her time to die. Like, excuse me. Like I said, any second half of the world could explode because somebody dro detonates four atomic bombs. Or an asteroid comes and bang, wipes out let's say, wipes out Europe. (29:15.372) What the you know, we're gonna feel it just like that, just bang, we're gonna feel it. Is somebody gonna say to me, It was our time? This is like you know it was our time, the earth had to die. I you know, like that kind of irrational thinking and like delusional ways of thinking without understanding the whole complexity of where we're living, where the planet is, what's happening around us, it it it just it's Like I think it I think it's just the reality of taking a really good look at at where we are and how things are. There's there's no easy answers to this because nobody has the answers. Nobody knows what happens after we pass away and die. And the reality of it though is like like my sister, she's she's been sick for quite a long time, quite quite a few decades now. And three years ago I the doctor had said she only had six months to live. And and even before that, like twenty years ago, she had lupus and j my sister has gone through so much and she's endured so much pain that this time the doctors have said have said her heart is so weak. She's taking blood thinners in the morning and the evening and then she could her heart could stop at night. So those things, I mean this is my this is my my my my environment. This is my my family. I have a brother in law who's worked his whole life in auto mechanics, like body body work, painting cars, restoring cars, that he developed cancer. And about eight months ago he was given a year to live. So again too, we're waiting. He he's he's really in bad shape too. So So you know, again, this this is part of my life and my family. I have a a cousin who was having seizures fourteen years younger than me, and he just wouldn't wear a medical alert bracelet, won't take care of his diabetes, had a had a rented car, was driving it, totaled it. (31:38.754) At the hospital he took a seizure. I mean they they've been examining him for about a year. And so finally at the when they when he had this automobile accident they checked and he has a tumor on his left side of his brain. And and his sisters and brother like they check up on him every day 'cause he lives alone and he's got a a bracelet on now, so if he has a she seizure it'll notify the ambulance to come right away. Now the reality of it is if he keeps on the seizure keep on happening regularly, increasing before September, because he's due for an operation in September, that they'll they'll speed up the schedule for the surgery. So again, the doctor has told him he only has six months to live. So so for me, at my age and however I live, I I try my best to eat the the best foods I can, take care of like the my body temperature, make sure I'm hydrated, keep in contact with people so that I'm not isolated and I'm not alone. Those things, you know, we struggle every day. So I I took care of my mother as a caregiver for over ten years, learned a lot about diabetes, learned a lot about the system you know systems that's go that are going on, the misogyny like against you know, elder indigenous women and and just the reality of like how much how much I (33:19.937) of who I am has based on how well I adapted in a an environment of misogyny and and an environment of lateral violence. Sometimes I wish for females, I wish there wasn't so I I wish patriarchy wasn't so oppressive. I wish the Indian Act hadn't been created to eliminate indigenous people. But again to You know, we're just a small drop in the bucket of eight billion people. And again, that's a little bit overwhelming when you think about it. When like what Canada's only w like the United States is two hundred and fifty years old. That's nothing. Ca I think Canada's a hundred and something years old. That's that's a drop in the bucket. Really? You know, and and but do you look at all these countries in in Europe and China and Russia, India, Africa, like how long they've been existing? I mean, not to say like indigenous people haven't been here for twenty, thirty thousand years. our DNA and s scientific evidence shows shows there's validation for that, despite despite academics and white supremacists wanting to say different. Now get this this is like this is how naive I am as an indigenous woman. 'Cause you have all these Republicans, you know, they have these these conferences and all these mega mega men. Okay. Now I This isn't coming from me as an indigenous woman. This is coming from white women who watch these things because a lot of the laws that white men are trying to do towards white women is is trying to have control over their body and their rights as women to live. They said, Marina, do you know that like there's there's there's a website where men go to to hook up. (35:25.663) I I forget what the name of it is, but but on the website now not not that I'm gonna go look for it, but on this website the website shows places where you where you'll see men that are gonna hook up. Okay, so when they have these huge Republican caucuses or conferences, th th that website g that website goes down. 'Cause there's so many men trying to hook up with other men. And these are men who are are like what the heck? How do they manipulate their wives to to you know, how do they manipulate their wives about their bisexual tendency their bisexual behavior? You know, I like I said, w where's the man's G spot? You know, biologically, you know, men like hello, men are not like women. So until men actually own it and understand their own sexuality, their own sexual needs, they're gonna be ch secretly hooking up with other men behind the h the backs of their partners or or other women. And like I said, I am so naive. And I'm going, No wonder why, you know, you have all these people who have been fighting like trying to hide the Epstein files or you know, saying that they you know, like they're they're so charismatically handsome men that every woman would swoon to them because why they're billionaires. I like it's so unrealistic that that they have to be so sad about their own sexuality. I really admire bisexual men and homosexual men who have the courage to live the best of their lives and and are not pressuring women or not you know telling us what we can or cannot do. And the fact that a a heterosexual woman would want to have a child with a homosexual man (37:40.836) There is nothing the matter with that. Matriarchy has been around for thousands and thousands of years. Doesn't mean we're going to control or do things the way patriarchy. It's not the same thing. But but if people could understand and just try to understand the biology of women is so totally different than the biology of men. And and for me, I I I sometimes I just can't get my head around it. because again, I'm I'm my father was in the military, but yet I can't get my head around it. You know, that that all these military men, like when they go to war and I mean I they're they're saying, well there's no homosexuality in in the military or like th this whole fallacy, like I said, it's an adulusion or delusional. But the reality of it is th there comes a time in a person's life when when that self-reflection really has to kick in because something gives, either your health gives out, something gives. Re really challenges the foundation of what you lived. And and and it'll it'll happen with every human being it'll happen. And some people like what's happening in the United States, they they're running scared because because there are so many people who are voicing their opinion of who they are and what they want for the future. That that they're losing control over people who obeyed them. And f for me the whole thing about cowboys and Indians, especially with the Calgary Stampede in full fledged, full blown like out there, you know, I don't think the majority of people who go to the Stampede actually go to the rodeo. I I don't think they're really concerned about the cowboys. (39:40.72) 'Cause like I grew up in cowboy country. my my my father was a rodeo announcer, he was a bronch writer. All my uncles took part in rodeo. My my grandfather and my my father and all his siblings, they were in chuck wagons. so I kid you not, I've been around barrel racers, I've you know, I've even ridden a wild horse bare back, like what the heck? Sometimes I I think about these things and I'm going, a lot of the people who come to the Stampede can't even comprehend that kind of lifestyle. And and again too, that's based on, you know, people coming into the New World and trying to capture and take land. So right now I think the majority of people, especially when it comes to big oil that sponsors the Calgary Stampede, it's here. You know, everybody runs you know, has a car, everything, all that. all the the leaders who've been bought out by oil companies. You know, the oil companies really don't give a damn about First Nations. They just say they just throw here, here's a million dollars, fight over it. They just say, Throw money at them. That that's a white man's attitude or oil companies or billionaires' attitude towards First Nations. Throw money at us. We'll take it. And believe you me, even in my community, there are people who got into council, made lots of money, made lots of money. Not being millionaires, but close to being a millionaire. Not from hard work like the young man who is from my community is a millionaire who didn't wasn't into politics, nothing. He made his money in the United States. But there are pe politicians in First Nations who have their hands out. As soon as the oil company comes, they'll just grab that money as soon as it's thrown to them. They'll pocket it and they'll give it to everybody who will keep their secret. Everybody who ha who's along that line of the handout, they'll they'll give it to them. It's like theft. (41:50.106) They're stealing that money out of my very mouth and giving it to somebody else. That's like that's me. I've grown up here my whole life. Ask me. Ask me what what kind of perks I've gotten from Chief and Council. Nothing. (42:10.723) They tried when I was director of education and I said no. And that's because I had lived in the States and moved home. And after I experienced that I said no. I'll take any job, any job other than an office job. I'll do anything. I I was digging ditches. I was digging for shrapnel and munitions and I you know, I'm educated. I've worked off reserve. But I chose to work in my community, you know, talk with people in my community, be friends with people in my community, learn from them, you know, embrace them and help even bury them. So, you know, whatever people want to talk about what it's like, I can tell you. I can tell you what it's like to live in First Nations. I can't tell you what it's like to live in Inuit communities or I can't tell you what it's like to live in Metis community because I've never lived there. But but I can tell you that that if I find someone who and most people look pardon me, excuse me, when people have a status card and they know they've never lived in an indigenous community At least some of them have come up to the plate and have said, I'm going to pay back this money. You know, do people who have those status cards have the have the gumption to do that? Do they have the wherewithal to do that? Like that's my challenge to people who hold those status cards. And that money could be going to my my cousin who's lived her whole life. Her children live in their community and their house is is falling apart. You know, so well you can't live on charity. No, but you know, make sure you get them give the money to people who actually deserve it and need it. Because when she passes away, what's her legacy? Where are her children going to gather? Again, it's simply it's like even child and family. (44:19.065) When I say women who have five kids, like I'm only saying this because I met this young woman, I worked with her, she was pregnant, her children were apprehended, and then she had her baby and she couldn't even take her baby home. They just took her without her even seeing her baby. Six babies she had. Brokenhearted, she only lasted a month and she died. Now where are her children? All in foster care. Like we have no sovereignty over our children. And when it comes to indigenous women, again, like w if we don't have partners or if our men refuse to look after our children, then that's lateral violence. And that's why I'm I It totally kept blowing my mind why people would continually support Nathan Chasinghorse, knowing he had ten children, knowing he had three hundred and fifty thousand dollars in child support arrears, and still worship the ground he walked on. And again, that's pretending. Like I said, there are his hands out. Give me money. And he til took it. He took it and took it and took it. And who was hurting? Girls and children. Like it's it's it's the tip of the iceberg when you look really deep into it. That's why when it comes to suicide, you gotta really look into it, the behavior. What what drove that twelve year old to kill herself? What y so you you say, okay, what what drove these children to be apprehended? Like you can't just say, it it was their time. You know, this is no That's illusional or delusional thinking, which does not help the children or the women in need. So I I don't know. I I don't have the answer. All I know is that I miss a lot of my female friends who have died. I had a friend who I knew for thirty years. And you can laugh all you want. I mean I was promiscuous. and see, if I were in the United States and there were mega Trump all this (46:33.347) conservative Republican, like even in Canada with the Separatists. My saying this on the podcast, they would just crucify me on that wooden cross. You know, and I'd say, get off get I'm gonna get off that cross because I need that wood for my sweat. Because really (46:55.395) Promiscuity is acceptable what? With white supremacist? It's acceptable in all cultures in the world for men to go around and sow their wild oats. But when a woman does it, my goodness, let's stone her to death. Let's get her married right away. She can't control her sexual urges. I'm trying to say that's part of the healing process. Men do it, women do it, it's part of the healing process that creator has given us. It's nothing to be ashamed of to be wanting to have sex. Nothing. Nothing ashamed of it. You know, my I like I I really cherish my friend. I mean, I I was looking for a a big sister, a mother, I was looking for someone who who who like who would keep my secrets. I would go and pick up somebody and she'd come and pick me up and Like she'd come with me, she'd know who I was going home with. She kept my secrets. And and I ca I didn't even know I was keeping her secrets because she just said, Marina, I thought you knew I was having an affair with your brother. I said, No, I didn't know again because I was living in some sort of illusion or delusion about other things other than my sexuality. So which was probably trauma based, but That's neither here nor there. And again, that's part of it too though. I want you to understand trauma from childhood, however extreme it is, you need really re like it's not a magic wand and you have to really shop around. You're worth it. Just don't go to some person who does sweats or sweat, you know, s just do what you can. Go if you feel comfortable and you got you're healthy enough to have boundaries. Go to a therapist. Shop around. If you find a therapist who's giving you advice or they're just writing, writing, writing, go someplace else. But the reality of it is, you know, my friend, I could pick up the phone and I say, Let's go. She'll say, I have twenty bucks, let's go to casino and we'd go. I wouldn't bother her for money. She wouldn't bother me for money. At the end of the at the end of the hour or two, we'd meet up and go home. (49:16.835) But that was my our friendship. It was just mutual. And and I really appreciated her. you know, I and again, it comes from living a life with a lot of trauma and acceptance of things you cannot change. She was a beautiful soul and and I've met so many women too who with all the hurt That men have given them. You know, my friend had her husband, she had five kids from her husband, and he used to beat her so bad, kick her with his boots, black eyes. She'd be walking to the s into the city with her children. You know, she tell me like how her husband took a gun and played Russian roulette with her sons, holding the gun to their heads. Things that she endured. And no child support. Didn't pay child support. All these things she she she said, I I I have to look after my children. When I leave, whatever happens to my children, I I can't make trouble for for like because she's not from this community. Her husband married her into the community. But the the shame and guilt that they tried to put on her or shame and guilt they tried to put on me just for being friends. She was like thirteen years older than myself. And you know, I I I like I said, there are people in our lives who have helped us to become who we are. And and just the gratitude that I have for her just being there. Even when I was in the States, I'd come home, all I had to do was call her and say, let's go out and she'd be there. you know, just at the drop of the hat, didn't have to feel like I was begging to be her friend. And and, you know, I mean, i it might seem harsh, but, you know, as an elder, this young man out of the blue, you know, just decided to take, you know, fly into Calgary, fly with me down to Las Vegas, Uber me around, you know, be my companion for like a day and a half. (51:46.542) Like who would do that? Nobody I know. Like I said, you know, even though he's he said he was gonna come for the stampede and didn't, a lot of other people said they were gonna come and didn't show up, so it's no no biggie. But the the fact is of his actions like that he came. and for me, it really made me open my eyes to to another part of the world. 'Cause most of the white people most of the white men that I've known are have lived in Calgary. Calgary being the most American city in Canada and growing up with a whole bunch of racist kids and and thinking that all white people were this way. And then to find out like here's this young man, never grew up in North America, had his own healing journey to go through. Just just meeting him and trying to understand the passion he had, the curiosity for things that were happening to indigenous people. And the fact that he went out of his way. I like I (53:08.899) I don't want to sound pitiful, but can you b can you appreciate that? I can. That's why, you know, when I talk about making allies and cohorts and and having the capacity to to feel to sit in a being uncomfortable. I mean, this is a a person who has never lived in the Americas. who's who's never been around indigenous people. (53:46.325) I you know, I just (53:51.696) Like I knew people were good people. I'm not saying like I all white people I've met were bad. I'm just saying I'm just saying the things we pick up in our lifetime of meeting different people. I'm just grateful for all the people I've met before I met this young man because because the energy he was holding I I think it's probably surprised him more than I that I could sense it. and th that he had the courage to to get to know who I was. and to not be afraid of of anything that I would say that would feel uncomfortable for him. Yeah, it's it's life is amazing. So embrace all the stuff that you've had in your life. All the people that you think didn't give you a lesson or somehow something's gonna click when you hear my podcast and say, yeah and you think about well why do you keep on thinking about that person? Even if that person is like thirty years ago, twenty years ago. Like memory is so powerful and has such an impact To us every day of our lives. That's why I say the older we get, the more we need to embrace with protective, reflective healing energy, and the more we need to release protective, reflective healing energy. Because we've left we've led and lived so many lifetimes with so many memories, and how how we honor those memories and how we share them with people that we just meet. Or or even looking at how dangerous people are. Dangerous like like the reality of looking at someone and knowing they've killed somebody. (55:44.164) That's what I walked into. And it wasn't something it wasn't something like premeditated or anything like that. This was something from from a from a white white male perspective, who had been given permission to do what they had what they did. And the consequences of them living with that energy or the fact that they took away that energy from another human being. and the that they have to live with it as a memory throughout their whole life. My memory my memory and how I embrace and release i is is it like i I I just hope people understand it and and the fact that so many people have learned how to balance these energies after experiencing and living such horrific situations where they've had to do horrible horrific things to protect themselves and others. So it's out there, it's always out there in everyday living. And and so I think part of what I tried to do in my podcast is is to to embrace the stories, the narratives of indigenous women as well as understanding how to let it go because the majority of times there there aren't those people who these visitors like the visitor that I had who who entered into my life and and took something of me with him. Those things I'm really grateful for. А та сам my audience. (57:39.146) It's a big, huge world. And all these people, because the world is so small now, and people are flying in and out of our lives, and and to know that some of these people are very dangerous. And how do we protect ourselves? How do we know there's danger? And how do we protect those we love, especially within our community? That's that's how I was able to spot Nathan chasing horse. And and people for twenty years didn't want to address t the gifts I've been given by creator. And that's okay. It's fine. I I'm here to tell my story, I'm here to share it, to let you know that that whatever we do in trying to understand how to balance ourselves how to embrace and release this this energy, this great mystery, the great mystery called love. (58:53.005) So with that, tomorrow I've got to get up, get my tooth fixed, go shopping for some food stuff. And then Saturday I'm off to the stampede in the morning. Yay. And right now I've been indoors all day because of fire, the smoke in the Rockies into Calgary and the heat. Like there's a there's a heat dome around Manitoba. There's fire. Flooding in the Sioux Valley Dakota Nation like nothing before. there's so much happening and yet you know this this heat, I know it's coming, I think, in the United States, central central United States, all the way to to the eastern seaboard. And and people have been saying that El Nino in the eighteen hundreds killed millions of people. Again, we're just on this speck of dust. floating around in this huge place, swirling around in a spiral around this sun as it's jetting its way. And and whatever happens, you know, we we're we're we're subject to it. It's it's not anything new. Huh it's like like what did they say? Mother Earth looks after herself. She will heal herself. But but we're here and a as as microcosms on this, like like ants. And so how are we going to be collective and holistic to evolve into this into this mechanism? Because no matter how many people, white supremacists, patriots, republicans, what call them what you may, who want to have control and manipulation over women and children. that that's not gonna save the planet. It we there is something greater that's happening in evolution. And and we can see it, we can sense it, and I'm embracing it and releasing it. I if anything with my podcast, it's it's it's a catalyst to what's ever going to happen when I'm six feet underground or even a hundred years from now. And and anyway (01:01:17.147) I I enjoy my my podcast. And again, to Darcy and Marie, thank you for listening. And for any newcomers that I might see in Calgary or some people just come up to me and I'm grateful for that too. So anyway, if you see me t say hello. and I'll and I'll say hello to you on my podcast as well. Adios amigos until or what do they call it, Donata or Bo Oroi Adam Sabien I wish I knew other other Doshtake Wachi.