White Supremacist, Trauma, Violence, Ideology, & Unresolved Pain passing to the next generation.

Thank you for sharing all of that. What comes through most strongly is not just your concern about white supremacist groups, but your concern about how trauma, violence, ideology, and unresolved pain can be passed from one generation to the next. A few themes stood out to me: First, you're drawing a connection between organized hate groups and trauma. You're not excusing hateful behavior. Rather, you're asking why some people become drawn to movements that promise belonging, identity, certainty, and someone to blame. Many researchers who study extremist movements have found that recruitment often exploits loneliness, grievance, alienation, and a desire for community. That does not make the ideology acceptable, but it helps explain why people can be vulnerable to it. Second, you're describing the reality of intergenerational trauma as something lived, not theoretical. Throughout your story about your relatives, your friend, the 38-year-old woman, your niece, and your own memories, you keep returning to the same question: what happens when people experience profound harm and never receive the support necessary to heal? You see the consequences showing up as anger, addiction, violence, fear, learned helplessness, fractured relationships, and difficulty trusting others. Third, I noticed your reaction to the stories around Truth and Reconciliation Day. You said several times that you thought you were handling the material, but then found yourself awake in the middle of the night feeling trapped. That's actually a very human response. Sometimes we can discuss painful subjects intellectually during the day, but our emotional and nervous systems process them later. Listening to accounts of abuse, violence, residential schools, trafficking, or hate can affect people deeply, especially when the stories connect to their own lives, family histories, or identities. What also struck me was your description of the woman who stayed at your house. While you were frustrated, frightened, and exhausted by the experience, underneath that I also hear sadness. You seem to be grieving for what she might have become if she had received safety, support, and healing earlier in life. At the same time, you recognized that compassion does not mean abandoning boundaries. Wanting someone to leave your home because you felt unsafe is a legitimate boundary. One thing I would gently add is that it is often helpful to separate three different things: The trauma a person experienced. The behaviors they engage in today. Their responsibility for those behaviors. Trauma can help explain harmful behavior, but it does not remove responsibility for violence or abuse. That distinction allows us to have compassion for suffering while still protecting ourselves and others. I also hear something very personal in what you said about feeling judged because you're Indigenous. The story about being stranded in the United States and being asked whether you were Black or Indian clearly stayed with you. Experiences like that can shape how safe or unsafe the world feels. When people repeatedly encounter prejudice, it makes sense that they develop heightened awareness of danger and exclusion. Toward the end, I noticed you coming back to hope. Despite all the anger and hurt you described, you repeatedly mentioned younger Indigenous people, influencers, advocates, survivors, and people who are consciously trying to heal and change the narrative. That seems important. You weren't only talking about trauma. You were also talking about resilience. In many ways, your central message seemed to be: People inherit stories, wounds, beliefs, and patterns from previous generations, but they are not doomed to repeat them. Healing requires awareness, accountability, boundaries, and a willingness to question the narratives we've been given. That's a difficult message, but it's also a hopeful one. And if I'm hearing you correctly, part of what you're wrestling with right now is not just the existence of hate groups or intergenerational trauma, but the emotional burden of witnessing it over and over, in different forms, across decades of your life. That is a heavy thing to carry. The fact that these stories stayed with you afterward suggests they touched something deeply personal, not merely political or historical.

Marina Crane (00:01.122) Good morning, October third. This is my third attempt to do this podcast. Hopefully tech technical wise it'll work. But I'm trying to talk about things that I found on the internet and there's a CBC one. Former soldier exposes how Canadian white supremacist group recruit members. Second Sons Canada Incorporates as business requires members to sign significality contract. Okay, so hold on, we'll see what happens. Canada describes itself as a men's nationalist club dedicated to fitness and preserving Canada's heritage, but a former military member who attempted to join the group says he only learned about its true nature, which includes adoration for Hitler, neo-Nazis, and hatred for Jews when he met them in person. Not only was the prospective member told to sign a non-disclosure agreement, NDA, that would ban him from revealing confidential information about the group, the recruit said he was also searched for recording devices and asked to say racial slurs as a test. They advertise themselves as one thing, said the former CAF member, who CBC News is not naming due to concerns for his personal safety and legal retribution. And then as soon as I met them, the sheets were pulled down and it was a whole other thing that was disgusting. He said much of the in-person meeting was about how Jewish people were evil and how Hitler's philosophy was genius. They really, really wanted to know my knowledge of their version of racial ideology history and how it influences today's society, he said. It seems like they really want to brainwash their new candidates into hatred. And that really put me off. The former CAF members' account is the first glimpse CBC has gotten into the inner workings of the Second Sons in-person recruitment process. Watch what a former soldier learned about what Second Sons really believes. Previous reporting by CBC's visual investigations team aligns with the source's information. The group itself maintains a carefully curated image on its official social media platforms. Its leaders, meanwhile, have praised Hitler and the Nazi Party, said they welcome neo-Nazis into their ranks and call for mass deportations at gunpoint and the execution of Canadian politicians while talking on personal podcasts and live streams. The organization is clearly anxious about individuals coming forward, speaking to the press or others about their activities, said Richard Moon, Law Foundation Chair at the College of Law, University of Saskatchewan, focusing on freedom of expression. Marina Crane (02:26.048) I think there's a real risk that an NDA like this might have a chilling effect on someone's speech, and particularly on their speaking to the media or the legal authorities about activity they may be concerned about as unlawful. Since forming in 2024, Second Sons has expanded rapidly. There are chapters across the country. The group is part of what's known as the Active Club Movement, a decentralized assortment of male-focused groups promoting white supremacist ideals. The movement has grown globally in recent years. Increasingly moving from online forums to real-world training groups and anti-immigration protests. Second Sons even folded Quebec-based Frontenac AC, one of Canada's most prominent active clubs, into their group. Earlier this year, a government report said the active club movement posed a risk of extreme violence. Over the weekend, Second Sons held a demonstration at TKM Lup's T. E. Shawebum Reserve near a former residential school. Also appearing on a Kamloops overpass with a banner that read, Got Bones. The demonstration was condemned by community members and Prime Minister Mark Carney. The cowardly act that took place at TKM Lup's TE Showwepham yesterday is abhorrent. It has no place in this country. My thoughts are with everyone who are shaken and hurt by this disgusting display of hate, Carney wrote in an ex-post Monday. The RCMP say they are taking the matter seriously and We'll continue to engage the group as part of our response and current ongoing investigation. On Tuesday, Second Sons President Jeremy Mackenzie reshared a doctored image to Telegram showing Second Sons members holding the Got Bones banner in front of the Auschwitz death camp, where the Nazis killed nearly one million Jews. White supremacist media organization. The nondisclosure agreement says Second Sons is federally registered as a numbered company, 16130623 Canada Inc. Corporate documents found in the Federal Registry of Businesses list Jeremy Mackenzie as director, along with Alex Vrend and Alex Cabana as shareholders. Mackenzie is an Afghan War veteran and the founder and president of Second Sons and its predecessor, Diagolin. RCMP have described Diagolin as an extremist, militia-like organization. Vend is a longtime associate of Mackenzie and the vice president of Second Sons. Cabana has not been as openly associated with Second Sons as Mackenzie and Vrend. Marina Crane (04:47.362) He is an Afghan War veteran who was affiliated with Veterans for Freedom, an advocacy group that was formed by central figures in the self-described Freedom Convoy protests that overtook downtown Ottawa in the winter of 2022. It's not clear how much revenue the corporation has generated because required annual financial filings for the company in 2025 and 2026 are listed as overdue. The Second Sun's website notes that people trying to join the group must pay an application fee, with a $20 monthly commitment if they are accepted. In live streams on the video sharing platform Rumble, Brent has claimed that the group's leadership don't get paid themselves and rely on income from subscriptions by fans. A post in the Second Sun's public telegram channel says they are working to set up a support shop for the group. But experts say there are questions about whether the company, which describes itself in the NDA as a media organization that creates, develops, and publishes content, should be allowed to operate due to the nature of its activities. Calling for the execution of a politician is not a legitimate activity of any company, let alone a media company, said Richard LeBlanc, professor of governance, law, and ethics at York University, who reviewed the documents that CBC located. The leaders of Second Sons appear to be aware of the rules that a registered company must follow, for example, human rights laws that bend discrimination based on race, and how the organization skirts them. Addressing a viewer question about the group's admission process in a September 2025 livestream. Friend said, Second Sons is an officially registered organization. I can't speak to what Second Sons policy is, but in Canada, it is illegal to discriminate based on immutable characteristics like race, gender, disability, etc. Can I make that more clear for you? We are an organization that takes members based on meritocracy. Can you read between the lines? LeBlanc says if a company is engaging in overly broad NDAs, hate speech, excessive anonymity, or face coverings, That doesn't insulate the company and the founders and the officers and directors and employees of said company from liability and possibly prosecution. The company's regulatory compliance practices may lead to its failure before anything else. The Government of Canada's website states that it has sent a notice of intent to dissolve the corporation if it does not file its financial statements immediately. They were very cautious. The former CAF member said he was looking to belong to a community that espoused patriotic views. Marina Crane (07:12.225) So he decided to apply after seeing Second Sun's content online. The Second Sun's website states that it welcomes former members of the Armed Forces if they can show that they are no longer serving. Recently, the group's training, which initially focused on mixed martial arts sparring, has taken on a more military-style feel, including cot carrying, army crawls, and other drills. The source said he did a virtual interview over messaging app Telegram. Following that, they agreed to set up a meeting in Ontario. They had me pull my shirt down to make sure I wasn't wearing a wire, he said. They had me leave my phone face up on the table to show I wasn't recording them. They were very cautious that I would leave first and not follow them. He said they also spoke about training in hand-to-hand combat skills to prepare for potential violent situations. Vrend, the vice president, has publicly advocated for brutally beating counter-protesters. Referring to a 2025 incident where a man grabbed a flag from the leader of a Canada First. Demonstration, Brent said the response should have included the leader spearing the men in the face, cross-checking him and punching and kicking him in the head. Is he arrested? Yes. Does he catch a charge? Yes. Is it the end of his life? No. Does that immediately become a symbol of resistance for all Canadians? Yes. CBC source said he did not learn the names of the men he met. Undercover applicant. The application process mirrors what happened when two La Praisa journalists, Tristan Peliquin and Vincent Poirier, applied to join Second Sons over the summer, under a false name. The existence of the NDA was first reported by La Presa. CBC obtained it independently. Shortly after applying, the two La Praisa journalists received an email that included 17 questions asking for their name, family history in Canada, and political beliefs. From there, They were messaged on Telegram by someone from Second Sons, who turned out to be the former leader of Frontenac Active Club, Sean Bove MacDonald, who has referred to himself online as a Nazi and praised Hitler. He was trying to have more information on why we wanted to join Second Sons. And after that, in the first 24 hours, he asked us for a meetup. We were surprised, Poirier told CBC News. Second Sons also sent a nondisclosure agreement to the journalists, saying that the document Marina Crane (09:38.014) Legally protects our organization and its members, it also protects you from having any of the personal information you provide released under penalty of law. La Praisa did not meet in person with Second Sons. Second Sons did not respond to CBC's request for comment. Do you have more information on this story? Email us at six at cbc.ca. Former soldier exposes. So again, like I like why would I be so interested in in such a format? Well, even when I lived in Utah, I had a instructor who was teaching history and he had met a former ex military person and he said to him, he said, I like the to the instructor, he said, I like the fact that you go deer hunting and you know how to tan hides and string up a a deer or elk or whatever th the game is. And he says, if you show me how to do this, I'll show you how to kill a man. Like where to put the knife and all that. And the instructor who was teaching history was telling the like the class that that you know white supremacy is prevalent and it's it's it exists and this was like decades ago. And even to like I think And most of the stuff that I hear about in terms of white supremacy is coming from universities. So that's why like even in Red Deer, like the how much how many people are associated to white supremacy. And at the same time, just like a few months ago, just s a couple of like a half an hour from here, there was a group of the Son Sons of Anarchy or the these people who were recruiting so the reality of it actually being here is is important to to talk about because the this whole need to identify with something the like like it's a cultish type of need like just it's sort of just engrosses you and I I don't know how else to put it in except that Marina Crane (12:03.359) It it does exist and I'm just trying to try and see if I can get here's We'll see how this goes here. Our hands on the contract that Canada's most prominent white supremacist group uses to stop its members from revealing its secrets. And it shows a lot about how they work. Second Sons has chapters across the country. Holding demonstrations like this one at the Kamloops de Sequepum Reserve, just east of Kamloops, and conducting military style drifs. We got the group's non-disclosure agreement from a former military member who wanted to join Second Sons. We're not naming him due to fears for his safety. He was drawn in by Second Sons' patriotic messaging. But when he met recruiters in person, he was shocked to learn what they really stand for. He tells us they talked about how Hitler was a genius and their hatred for Jewish people, based on what Second Sons leaders have. said publicly, that's not surprising. The Nazis were right to support their own people. The Nazis were right to to it imply that Germany is for the Germans. Marina Crane (13:09.779) She's clearly anxious about individuals coming forward or speaking to the press or others about their activities. Well, I think there's a real risk that an NDA like this might have a chilling effect on someone's speech. Here's what the NDA tells us. It says applicants agree to hold all confidential information in strict confidence. We also learned Second Sons is a federally incorporated company. And according to experts we speak to, being a company means Second Sons has to fall I'll do it. Like give give me give me give me some guys and some weapons and we'll fucking we'll get rid of them. We'll take them up. Get in the truck. You're going to the airport. Make me okay. Bang. Anybody else? Anybody else knock wanna go to the airport? Who wants to go to the airport? Show of hands, who wants to go to airport? Get of the truck. I only had to shoot one, see? Easy. I've never seen or heard of a corporation calling for racial violence. It is highly problematic and illegal to do that. Now, because it's a corporation, Second Sons is supposed to file annual financial reports. We find they haven't been doing that. In fact, the government has already sent a notice of intent to dissolve the company. If there's anything you'd like us to investigate, email us at ei at cbc.ca. So I don't know if you're able to hear that, but it's just the whole notion of of s of recruiting somebody and like even under a business, the guise of a business, a corporation, And that people have to pay like like a tithing or a monthly support to that company, which is again cultish. Like I said, I may be criticizing Mormonism, but you know, like when you have a group of people who believe that they're aliens from another planet and that their you know, their skin is white and I like I like I don't know. It sounds like a fairy tale, but again it's dangerous. Marina Crane (15:12.723) Like what I'm talking about is like fallacies or delusion or illusions. of and and you know, we can do all the psycho psych psychological good you call when you analyze it. But the reality of it is that there are some very dangerous people out there who whose thinking has to do with so much violence. Now, I know when I talk about intergenerational trauma and I talk about and there's a lot of people who are in denial of the existence of Indian residential school and this intergenerational trauma. But but I want people who who are white supremacists or who think like the way like that they they have some some like superiority is that you're not alone. You're s y the mere image of intergenerational trauma that these sons of anarchy are carrying is basically what I talk about. But but because of the racial dogma or like the wall, like some sort of illusion or wanting to identify they they really don't know how dangerous they are. Or s in some cases they do, but when the action means for them to perform, that's really dangerous. Now, it might seem hypothetical and un until you actually look within your own family structures or your or what you allow to be enmeshed in the way you raise your children, your grandchildren. It's it's like There there's a reason I try to talk about intergenerational trauma and just healthy sexuality because because the ground core of every human being is is the sexual identity. But when you get like the creation stories of people and how the creation stories tied around the color of someone's skin Marina Crane (17:19.487) It that that's really dangerous. And and the thing is like it it it's ingrained, you know, it's it but until you actually self reflect and say, Do I believe in that? I d I don't think a lot of people sort of well, I know people don't get it. But It's it's a pretty it's a pretty tough slope to to to follow because You really have to you really have to come to terms with your own ways of thinking and and sometimes it's it's a little harder than than you than you like like that really challenges like how you were raised and and the things that you believe in and whether or not standing for what you believe can can ostracize you, can shun you from the rest of your family or your community. So like that You need to understand that it is in it. Morgan. I'm Anyway, I wanted to play that but at the same time too, because of Ind Indian Residential School and September thirtieth was truth and reconciliation and the laws and what what people are denying in terms of Indian residential school and and like for people and companies to write like show me show me the bones, like show me the bones of these children. I was so triggered. Like I said, I got up in the woke up in the middle of the morning and if I didn't have my friend in Hong Kong to debrief me or just hold my hand in spirit, I I just I said I just feel trapped. So, you know, like when you have organi white supremacist organizations Marina Crane (19:03.543) That are infiltrating through social media. And and understand this, this isn't something new. Like I said, decades ago in Utah, they had this movement. And the same thing in Red Deer, Alberta. And now here in well, what's just Millerville, where they had this Sons of Anarchy get together. This isn't, this isn't something new. This is like it's been around from for, we'll say from the beginning of time. And a lot of people try to analyze like when did skin color become such a topic? And people try to analyze it and do everything they can, but the reality of it is these are all when I talk about intergenerational trauma, even though they the white supremacists may not understand the psychology of why they hate people so much. is based on their own trauma and their own inability to deal with it. So so when you get the tools of truth and reconciliation and you start applying it, then you yourself start healing because it's a framework. It's a spiritual framework. And and for for the past five hundred years, what has been happening in the Americas hopefully, you know, gets somebody thinking the world isn't the way it was. And for white supremacists to believe that they can you know, somebody just goes to them and say, I'm angry at my neighbor. Can you go and shoot them? Believe me, people just comment everyday people, you wouldn't think they have that kind of anger. And some of this anger it doesn't even have to do with the person's skin color. But when but when you put it in that context and and you keep on percolating and enabling and s and stoking the fire, it it becomes a real danger to to people. And the thing is, when it comes to children and young influential people like people who are trying to I I d I don't know, it's just Marina Crane (21:10.783) It it just boggles my mind and and I like one of the triggering things that I wanted to talk about too was dur September 30th, when they were having truth and reconciliation, there were lot of people talking about trauma. And this one young woman, she's an influencer, she said this is gonna be a trigger warning. Now consciously I'm going, I can handle it, but really at three o'clock in the morning I woke up and I'm going, I'm not handling it. Why wasn't I handling it? Like I do these podcasts and I I think, okay, I'm doing it, I'm handling it. But the reality of it is it triggers are triggers. And she was talking about like her her her parents and her father, like they were they were they were survivors of Indian residential school. And I want to say survivors because you have to understand this. Like when when we talk about groups or cultish like groups, they're survivors of something. And so you see, you see the violence of it. And sometimes there's shame and guilt attached to it because of the behavior. So this young woman is talking about her parents, survivors of Indian residential school, and she talks about her mother knowing the type of man her dad was, and yet her mother would leave her with her father who would eventually traffic her for like just taking a cab, you know, so he could fees his feed his addiction of alcohol and drugs. And then and then later on she has children and then the parents, like the mother is basically enabling the trafficking of their own daughter and she's an influencer today. Okay, so she's talking and she's creating her narrative. As much as I say I'm doing something similar on this podcast, I I I want to use this an example that they're the intergenerational trauma and how young people are processing the r what happened to them as children. Horrific things that are unforgivable. Like that their parent like the father could the in sexual relationships and the mother knowing this. And then on top of that, the gr as grandparents, they want to have custody of this woman, this y this influencer's daughter. Now she's talking about this as a narrative as in past tense. But yet Marina Crane (23:27.253) the r the struggle and the persistence of trying to protect her daughter from the from the gr her grandparents because they're survivors of Indian residential school. And and this is a woman who's advocating and saying, This is really what's happening. This is what was created in those places. And so when I talk about my own parents and I talk about the perils of what they experienced and the lack of therapies or the lack of deconstructing or or deprogramming the way people think, it's it's not an easy task. And I tell you, for me living in my community and having to understand understand the way indigenous women think. So when I talk about the deconstruction of the Inganact and the caste system, of how women, just women, are filled with in indigenous f that's First Nations inuit in Metis communities. It it's it it it's a telltale because it's d like we s we live it. So so so in other words, like when you have other groups like this white supremacy group and whatever trauma they're creating, like they created this corporation, they want to create structure. They want to create structure to see something. And I'm saying, well, no, we've got this law that the Canadian government has created, reinforced by police and then to deconstruct it and then all of a sudden people are wanting forgiveness and call like a national day of truth and reconciliation, everybody wears orange orange shirt. Okay, y yes, but but does that cause other people to to hold resentment towards us? When I hear this young woman talk about her her parents Marina Crane (25:19.825) And and then when I talk about Nathan Chasing horse and and just the trafficking that was allowed by the women who wanted help for their daughters and the repercussions of that without women actually knowing what they're doing. Like that that's the critical thinking here that I that I try to impress on people. Because it it it's for me as an individual, I've had to really put boundaries down with people who I associated with because like twenty years and I've had to stop friendships. And the reality of it is like it's so ingrained. It's so ingrained. And I'm I'm trying not to take away from from you know this whole white supremacy part. But but over the weekend my my childhood friend that I met at Indian Residential School in Manitoba, who last year I went to their fiftieth anniversary, she called me, she says, My granddaughter, the police have the police have come to her place, they've tell told her to get out because her partner who's who's a white man, you know doesn't want her in the apartment even though she claims her name is on the lease. So I s so she the grandmother sent the granddaughter money to cab it. Like it was a three hundred dollar cab ride. I waited for her 'cause I thought, okay, the grandmother's gonna come and needs a safe place for her granddaughter to be I I I'll I said, Okay, I'll do this. But the reality of it is, my goodness, what did I get myself into? This young woman has a a criminal record of violence. Of violence. And and like she says, I've got borderline personality disorder and I said to her, I said to her, Do you know that you can heal from borderline personality disorder? Marina Crane (27:27.861) I said, do you do you know like it takes a lot of hard work to heal? I said, do you do you know that a lot of the survivors of Indian residential school, those children, came out of those places with borderline personality disorder? I said, and and and we as the s of the children of those survivors have seen the violent acts, the anger. You know, my my I come from a very political family and my cousin, the a former chief You know, he's talking about my uncle, his dad, and how brutal he was. How he'd just come home and have a bad day and he would just beat up his his sons. That anger, that anger just spontaneous, like like you can't control it. I've I've seen it. I my childhood memory, my b as a baby, seeing my uncle act like that towards my aunt, permeates at an unconscious level for me. I've been really like when my c when I hear stories of my cousin, you know, he says I had to wear long sleeves so I could cover my bruises. And I'm saying this is what intergenerational trauma is all about. Borderline personality disorders with an like the anger, just just unable to control their behavior. I know with my late mother when she'd say something cruel to me, she'd say, I didn't mean to say it. It just comes out uncontrollable. We had discussions like this, my late mother and I. And and that's why like I'm so passionate about intergenerational trauma. And this young woman, my my childhood friend's granddaughter, I'm the same age as this woman's grandmother. And I'm saying to her, you know, whatever medication you're on, what she said, I've been to therapy, I've been to this Yaddi Dada like La Dida. I you know, really I'm I'm not naive. You know, I'm not naive. And sure as hell I wasn't going to let her get away with this shitty narrative she was creating for herself. Self defeating. And I and I you 'cause I was trying to say to her, No, there y you know, y I I've seen kids like my my niece, she's she's in her late twenties. I I would drive her to school. Marina Crane (29:49.974) Because she didn't want to get on the bus 'cause her peers were so horrible just the way they talked about alcohol and drugs. And these are fifteen, sixteen year olds and swearing. And my niece didn't want to be around that, so I drove her. And I made sure my niece went to therapy because of the things that that her her dad was involved in. So the reality of it is like, okay, this this woman, she's thirty-eight. She's thirty-eight years old. And it it just it it like the reality is that she's got children and she's still behaving like a child. She you know, she she's got the fact that she I she moved in with this white guy and and the thing is like everything that has to do with whiteness is is is appropriate. So if you go to a white therapist or a white doctor and they prescribe you psychotropic drugs to help you with your borderline personality disorder, like that's why I just don't like I just don't like the mental health professionals that are white. Because because a lot of this white supremacy and this indigenous people who've been traumatized trying to like if she says I'm I'm I'm I'm crazy. Like like at the notion of like at what point did she just get defeated in in who she is and how she identifies herself. And and and I know it's hard work and it's a really hard thing to to to debrief and discuss in terms of helping helping people with intergenerational trauma. But w part of the reason that I that I talk about these things is like I said, there are young people, young influencers. who are just the same as this 38-year-old who who aren't who who are abvocating who are who are healing and then I see this 38-year-old who has just given up and I'm going, you're you're young. You like stop over medicating yourself. See, when my niece, like like when I she was a teenager when I took her in, and and there were a lot of young people who were just self Marina Crane (32:16.341) medicating 'cause doctors would give them these antidepressants or or whatever as teenagers. And I'm going, No. Like just I c it it it amazes me that parents with they have behavioral problems, they just give the child a pill. And then you're raising generation after generation like that. And I'm going, No. You got anyway, bottom line is this young woman was so Everything. Everything. I had to smudge my house this morning. 'cause she slept all day yesterday and and everything I did was like she's I shouldn't have done this. I shouldn't have even called c under her breath and I'm going, What? Like like even though she doesn't even know me, she was so she had so much spite and hate towards me. And and all and she's texting her grandma all the time and I'm going, I'm not getting a point. in involved in this. I just want her out of my house. I had to call my cousin. Or my cousin called me and I thought, okay, escape, escape. So I s I say to the 38-year-old, I need to go to Costco. And she didn't want to come and I I said, well I'm I'm I didn't really want her to be alone in my house. And so we went out and I picked up my cousin and my cousin understand this. I want my audience to understand this and get Get this, because this is the shitty part of it. I've grown up a w around white people my entire life. I really don't give a damn if, you know, like you come and challenge me and I will, you know, I will we'll we'll have a discussion. I won't fist fight, but we'll have a discussion. Now my cousins were rodeo rodeo people. They were tough and rough and t hard to bluff. Those girls would get up at five in the morning, run their ponies down to the river and run back. They they knew how to work. They were gutsy women. Now why did I bring my co why like I'm my this is my second cousin. See and the lady, the thirty-eight year old, she's she's she's my second cousin's daughter. Okay, so you know, I'm I'm like like when I talk about relationships, and then I talk about my first cousin and and you know how how his dad was so violent towards him. Marina Crane (34:43.105) the boys in that family. Intergenerational trauma. Okay? Now I'm t my so my cousin who who's this former like she's she she's a pensioner. Like the like I'm talking I picked her up with the and the thirty eight year old came. And I s after like we'll try and get this story short and to the point. In the whole process of what I needed to do, she sa she says to me, My grandmother 'cause I knew her I knew Her grandmother, my childhood friend from Indian Residential School, was coming to pick her up right after work yesterday. So she was driving from Manitoba. And so in the afternoon she says, My grandmother's getting me a ho a room at the hotel. And see, like even last night, even when I picked her up, she says, I should have just got a room in a hotel at like in that town where she was coming from. Understand this four hundred dollars taxi driver to come to Calgary? Anyway, she had to put her grandmother had to put another four hundred dollar deposit just so she get a room at this hotel. And I told my cousin, I'm gonna drop her off. I'm gonna like I like you know, I I didn't say it literally, but sh my cousin knew. So we got everything ready, came back to the house, this thirty eight year old took got her little luggage and I said, Okay, I'm dropping off the hotel. so she went in and I told my cousin, I said I said, without telling her all the particulars of this thirty eight year old, I said, Did you did you get a sense of who she is? She says, Yes. See, understand this. My cousin they were c you know, rodeo people. But when they were young they ran away to Vancouver, got involved with the drugs and the street drugs and met a lot of indigenous people and a lot of them were were you know intergenerational trauma, like they were really hard angry women and so I said to my cousin do do you recognize this kind of behavior? She says, yes, Marina. She says, I I you know, she like I want my audience to understand I I had my my cousin there debriefing me because I haven't been around women like that. You know, like I I've lived a very sheltered life in the sense because because of that Marina Crane (37:11.425) Like I just that I don't know, maybe it was seeing all this stuff when I was a a child with my uncles, like that anger. He was so angry my uncle. And if and for my father, like to see that too. When I was a baby my grandparents took me because they didn't want me to be around that violence and I was you know, they took care of me for six months. And they did that with my first cousin too. They protect they were protecting their grandchildren from the violence of their children. Like my a my my dad, that was my dad's half-brother. So so when I talk about the anger and borderline personality disorders, and I try to explain this stop being in denial. This is a result of all this shit that happened to them when they were children in those residential schools. And we're still dealing with it. We're still dealing with it. Like my heart breaks for my friend. who's seventy one years old, who has to work and pay for her granddaughter to g so that she can she so she can get back to Manitoba. Why? Because sh the granddaughter is so violent to her white husband that the white the white partner they're not legally married, but he's so scared that he that he c she's gonna kill him. Like that's the kind of anger that I allowed in my house. I just wanted her to leave and I was grateful that I had my cousin who had been around young women like that, who could tolerate that kind of behavior. I told my cousin I'm so grateful you're here with me to drop her off at this hotel. I said because it it's heartbreaking to know that a thirty-eight-year-old still believes all that white supremacy bullshit about her being scared. Crazy and insane. That learned like that projection of learned helplessness. And for her to believe, to feel trapped all the time in that body of hers. So when I woke up Marina Crane (39:25.237) the middle and I f I told my friend in Hong Kong I said I feel trapped. I said, I know these stories triggered me. And that's what she told me. She says, you know, if you go to she says, there's black Americans who go to Africa and they and they it takes about a week for them to feel like human beings because of the social pressure of of them being black in America. And I said, Let's how I feel in Canada. I wear my skin and people just automatically assume But I have this violent nature. This violent nature that I saw in this thirty eight year old woman. I just like to what extremes to what extremes do do do do Canadians w want to see you know, is it is it appropriate for them to just look at this th thirty eight year old and and just say that all Indigenous people are like this? She is this way because of things that happened to her. She told me what her grandmother did to her and what her parents did to her. Intergenerational trauma. Learned like whatever be anger they have that they inflicted on this woman who's now thirty eight in isolated communities where they don't have child development or any kind of structure. That's why I say you had all these people going Marina Crane (40:59.263) into these residential schools with no fucking understanding of ch early childhood development. Not even and and brutally brutalizing these kids. And then they c then they come out and then they brutalize their children because they think it's normal. Shame on all you white supremacists to think that you're so superior that you have to do this to children. Marina Crane (41:32.109) It's heartbreaking. It's devastating. But yet at the same time I'm trying to say are so many young people who who have seen this, who've grown up in it, and who are advocating on TikTok and social media and they say there's a trigger warning, they'll warn you, this is my life. They'll say that. Like I can I can talk about being sexually assaulted, you know, when I was when I was eight, nineteen. But, you know, like I can't comprehend if I if that had happened to me when I was a child. I can't comprehend the brutality of it if that happened to me with my own family. Marina Crane (42:22.633) I just I can comprehend it as a ch adult. And and yet and yet I grew up with people in my community who who these things were happening. And and and I think okay, I I chose a to walk a different life. It it's hard it's hard in the sense I was talking to my younger sister and I was saying to her I said, you know, like when I talk about choices indigenous women make, like I said, a lot of the women I grew up chose not to marry their partners so that their children would have status, would re be be members of the community. And pff pff and and that's a hard pill to swallow because you have attitudes of sexuality towards women who choose to be single and have children. Especially if you've been raised in a religious ideal like a democ on a community where th you know you've been s pro basically programmed from if you went to a a Catholic Indian residential school or a Presbyterian Indian residential school, like you were programmed about the sins of, you know, not being married in in a religious church. Yeah, so a lot of the women growing up wore that, like that there were less than. And and so a lot of the women had children, including including my sisters, who ch chose to have children so that their children would have status. And and I have one sister who's who married a a Navajo, but because under the Indian Act her children aren't considered i This is why this Bill S S six three or X X two S two is so vital. But anyway, I I have to laugh because you gotta go to my previous broadcast podcast when I talk about the caste system when it comes to whi in d women. So why am I bringing this up is that there were some women who marry who actually did marry other indigenous people. Marina Crane (44:39.009) But because Soutina has economic development of one point five billion dollar and and we've been slowly evolving in terms of prosperity in in in the concept of what is prosperous. 'Cause there's a hell of a lot of things that Soutina has that that poor communities never have and never will because they're isolated, like like hours away from big cities. So So what happens is you have some women who we're I grew up with who are younger who married other First Nations Inuit or Metis and then and then all of a sudden they want to come back to Sutina. Well there's such a protocol. Our membership is so s steep, so strict. It's similar to like say to Cherokee or what the Metis Association is designing so that people who t want who pretend to be indigenous, you know, they have to go through this whole hoop, this whole dancing process of trying to become and be voted in as a member. It's one thing to have your name on a general list in Ottawa. It's another thing to be actually voted into the community. And again I'm talking about a caste system here. So so rather than rather than having to go through the whole rigmarole of learning the language and passing the tests and get voted on, a lot of the Sutina Nation women who did marry other indigenous people, they came back to our communities and they married the men that they grew up with. Didn't love them, did not love them, just used them to get on the ban list. Now why am I saying this? Is when I talk about intergenerational trauma and when I talk about narcissists, you know, like when I talk about what is like when I talk about healthy human sexuality and narcissism and this whole thing with Nathan Chasing Horse this. This narcissist who made a whole bunch of psychopaths who you know, cult people who came in. And that's why I think in terms of white supremacy, when you have people who are cult like and who are narcissistic, and they promote all this and they're th they're really basically training people to be psychopaths. The ability to kill based on color. anyway Marina Crane (47:02.433) The re reality is like, yeah, there are intergenerational trauma, like I talk about this thirty eight year old narcissist. There's so many like I said, the product of inter birdline personality disorders, psychopaths, narcissists. The reality is like to identify a woman as being a narcissist, but also with a Machiavellian person Machiavellian personality attached to that. And so what does that make? It makes women who married out, marrying back into community, who are narcissistic and do not love their partner. I know I had an adopted brother who'd come and talk to me. My brother my late brother said you know, he just talked about his friend's emotional pain, you know, knowing that he was used to so this woman could be a band member. And and I I want you to understand Th these young men are dead now. Okay? So this isn't some sort of fairy tale. You know, th women have done some real harm to to to real men. And and it's Machiavellian. It it's systemic. And yet and yet like what what the hell am I doing? You know, I I I just thought like I have to I'm a woman. These women have gone through trauma, we're sisters, but no. The I really find that, you know, I've since the sentencing of Nathan Chasing horse, I've really had to put my boundaries down with women who were associated with Nathan Chasing horse who who you know basically drank the Kool Aid and still drink the Kool Aid in my community. Okay, 'cause they they love the gossip. They they love the gossip. And one lady came up to me a few days ago and I think this is why it's so triggering. And she says, Marina. She says, I was gonna go down to the sentencing. I had promised this woman I was gonna be there for her daughter and and I just th I just it just was so cringy. So cringy because like I I I I went down on my own volition. I paid my own way. I went down because like I needed to have closure. And and here's this woman saying, Yeah, I could have gone down. Marina Crane (49:30.209) And I said to her, I said, I'm so angry. This is a woman, like I said to her, I'm so angry. I said, it just bothers me. I said that that people want something. They want something and they get paid to do something. I said, it angers me that I can do this on my own. I can have closure on my own. I said, but But it angers me that all these women who drank the Kool Aid and who, you know, thought like, their daughters are in love with Nathan Chasing horse and that's the first time they've talked about like their love for a indigenous man. Like and I'm I mean, like song and dance, you know, making it look nice, come and join me, I'm recruiting you kind of shit. I said, I'm so angry. I think that's why like when I talk about white supremacy and this cultish thing, like it angers me. Because when you're in the thick of it drinking that white supremacy Kool Aid, like the repercussions of of those individuals with within their own personal family structure. Because we're all human beings. And unless we actually, you know, step back and look at our own behaviour and our own way of thinking, we are we're hurting people. So, you know, I'm saying to this lady, like I I paid my own way. I said, but it angers me that that all these women, th these women who I thought, again, I'm not an analyst, I'm and again, when you're fr you're you're not being a therapist, but you know, I I had to step back and I'm going, No. And she she mentioned and this lady mentioned this woman that I stopped being friends with. this this narcissistic Machiavellian and she says, yeah, well so and so and I'm going, No. I said it's that's not her program. I said I just went because I was invited to because that's why I was at this place where this woman was able to talk to me. And she says to me, she says, I said I'm I'm tired. I'm I'm I'm I'm angry. I said I'm angry at all those women and and basically I'm looking at her. Marina Crane (51:50.607) 'Cause this woman I'm talking to paid Nathan Chasinghorse ten thousand dollars to have a prayer. For decades, a lot of the women would pay tithing, just like in the white supremacy, you know, you you're paying tithing or some sort of thing to this corporation. And Nathan Chasinghorse had set up a corporation, non profit corporation in California. You know, like so all this structure, this cultish like structure. And and that's what's the danger of it is because they're they're they're using they're using the color of their skin to influence and be covert have cov covert c control over the masses. Now and and again like I said, I just said to that lady, I'm so angry. I'm so angry. Because even it's twenty years and th those ladies who drank the Kool Aid haven't learned anything. Like I I'm saying to her, no, I I I went down there and I met one of the ladies who was drinking the Kool Aid and this is how she healed. I'm trying to say this to this lady who who who still, you know, thinks that she's not drinking the fucking Kool Aid. I'm saying to her, I'm angry. Marina Crane (53:10.882) You know, I said the the things like I said the things that I found out While I went to Nevada, I said I said you know, Nathan Chasing Horse, twenty years ago, everybody just thought, he's he's getting ch you know, child brides, fifteen year olds. You know, these women these women like th that this woman's talking about gave they gave their children to to Nathan. They gave these daughters to him. And then and then after, you know, decades or so they're going, my goodness, I made a mistake You know, I need to rescue my daughter or and I'm going, no, you still don't you're still having healed because you're thinking, your thinking is still the same way. That's why I was trying to say this woman, I'm so angry. I said, because because nobody listened to me. And because of that, this man did horrific things to children for twenty years. I said, I said, even with ten year olds, and she just looked at me. And and and I said, No, I'm angry. I said, because when I'm there trying to tell people this person, this person is bad. And nobody's listening to me. And I'm saying, Do you know how bad he was? Do you know how bad he is? He's serving a life sentence. Talk about intergenerational trauma and anger. Just like this thirty-eight year old woman that stayed in my home. That's why I had to smudge my house. That anger she carries. Nathan disguised it in spiritual, you know, spirituality. You know, like the you know, like white like supremacy. No white people in involved in his cult. Intimate, like close to him. He had some followers who were white, but but really if the anger Nathan carried, I see I see it. I've seen it. I've grown up with it. Marina Crane (55:14.061) You know, people say, Well, how did you know? How did you know what kind of man he was? Because it's it's it permeates in anger and violence, uncontrollable rage. Like I said, I I grew up with it. Like my cousin. Talking about see, and the thing is why I'm crying is because as children we didn't talk about it. And then you know, you have start having children and you see how your own sexual life affects your children. And you know, and for my cousin, you know, and a lot of people being triggered on September 30th with truth and reconciliation. And having these white supremacists in BC covering their faces, thinking that they're so smart because they can cover their faces and and my goodness, like they have the ability to have a business. And pay membership to that business, that corporation, because it's sanctioned by the Canadian government, like that they're so smart and that like they want to show the evidence that these children didn't die. There are over four thousand recorded deaths in these Indian residential schools. That's not talking about the papers that the Indian agents and those people in residential schools burnt. Anything and everything that those thousands of survivors, including my parents, including my mother, my relatives, documenting the horror stories of what they witnessed in those places, those are gonna be burnt in or k or d deleted in 2027. And those are living documents of what they witnessed. Like even having, and this is a trigger warning, even have witnessing nuns throwing Babies into incinerators. Marina Crane (57:12.141) You know, it's I whatever this young woman, this thirty eight year old woman, whatever grandparents and her parents did to her, and how she became this human being with with borderline personality disorder. Marina Crane (57:36.482) that she's there in society and like I just feel sad that she's lost. There's nothing I can do to help her. She she's gonna go back to an isolated community with no professional help. And even even to have indigenous people who are therapists to help her. If they had structure and able to help people with with borderline personality disorders, even if it's even if it's cultish. I mean and I and for everything that I say I that's how desperate I am. But really, no, no cultish, please, no cultish ways of thinking or anything. Healing is an individual process. And I just wanted to put it out there because it's so hard. Marina Crane (58:35.617) You know, when you people can publish stuff about white supremacy. And and they can say how violent it is. You know, but when you're looking at intergenerational trauma and just the violence, these children grew up and they had no sense of control over their behavior and just lashed out. And we are the products of that. And how do we heal and tell people these things? You know, I try talking about erotomania and limerence. And erotomania is basically what this thirty eight year old her behavior with with this white partner. Marina Crane (59:22.881) That she's so violent to him. And and the reality of it is she worshiped the ground he walks on because he's white. He represents the mental health workers, everybody who can diagnose her and enable her. So anybody anybody who can enable her, that's her that's her go to person. That's like that's the macab that's the erodomania. It's to the point where this man has to get a restraining order, calls the police on her, she's got a criminal record. When I talk about erotomania and it's not based on reality. And she says, my insanity, I'm like she even has labeled it because somewhere somebody had told her this. Which which to me is like, how do you how do you do this when you have white people who don't even know what it's like to be indigenous? don't even know the culture and to to to have some sort of misguided therapy for this thirty-eight year old. That's what's so tragic. So that's why I talk about Machiavellian versus limerence as well, because limerence is also the part of the fantasy. The because the fantasy you can you can basically when you're involved, you can basically ghost that person. And so that's why when I talk about narcissist narcissistic Machiavellian women. That's that's part of the limerence, the fantasy of the the gossip, the the inability to like, it's over there. You know, that's what makes me angry. It's that Machiavellian narcissistic Machiavellian limerence because it's over there, it's not happening. You know, like that stuff that's Nathan Chasing Horse is doing, it's not happening. And I'm going, No, it's happening. It's happening. Stop having the world revolve around you. There's a there are children being hurt because of your ego. so I don't know. I didn't I know it's hard. I live it every day and I try to help people and sometimes like I said I had to put boundaries down because if if I don't get paid for it, then it th they're not gonna value it. Marina Crane (01:01:44.738) Let me let me put it this way. When I do my tarot card reading, and I and I'm basically doing a therapy session, it doesn't mean anything unless money is exchanged. And as hard as that is to believe it's true. Especially when you're so vulnerable and have been abused and and neglected and have ha all this rage and anger. When money is attached to it. you you you value it. So even why I'm saying this is is that my my sessions that I've had with people that I assumed were my friends were only my friends because you know they get cheap they get not cheap but they're well in in a way like they don't value. And because they don't value I I know my worth. And because they haven't ever been respected a as women, they they don't know their value and they refuse to value other indigenous women. And this isn't I'm just using it as an example 'cause I know it has to do with all races, all colors of of people. You have to know your value, you have to know you have to respect yourself. And when you have it reciprocal, when you have somebody respect you, it feels good. It's like a tingly warm feeling. That's all that's all. I'm just trying to be a little bit figurative in in the fact that I it's tragic it's tragic that that, you know, women have partners and they have children and they become grandparents and throughout this whole ordeal Marina Crane (01:03:36.993) They're they they They have t like it's it's so learned helplessness. It's it's so ingrained. And and when you have family and you keep on enabling, then then you you can't put any boundaries down because somebody's depending on you. Like like my friend, this thirty eight year old grandmother. smart intellectual woman. Probably probably a genius. But but However h whatever however she sees things can't can't do it. She's seventy one years old now. Everything that she's done she's not enjoying her life. Marina Crane (01:04:33.889) So, you know, at what cost is what cost is it? We have to learn to be able to live alone and lonely and isolation and and and be happy. You know, 'cause it's I I find like a lot of people are so scared to be alone. But yet, you know, we're we're born into this world alone and we leave this world alone. And And you know, I I I'm grateful for social media. grateful that that Marina Crane (01:05:16.631) Like f that you know, like I said, this we got our hands on the contract that Canada's most prominent white supremacist group uses to stop its members from revealing its secrets. And it shows a lot about how they work. Second Sons has chapters across the country, including demonstrations like this one at the Cantloop Disacweal Reserve, just east of Cantloops, and conducting military-style drifts. We got the group's non-disclosure agreement from a former military member who wanted to join Second Sons. We're not naming him due to fears for his safety. He was drawn in by Second Son's patriotic messaging. But when he met recruiters in person, he was shocked to learn what they really stand for. He tells us they talked about how Hitler was a genius and their hatred for Jewish people. Based on what Second Sun's leaders have said publicly, that's not surprising. The Nazis were right to support their own people. The Nazis were right to to i imply that Germany is for the Germans. Marina Crane (01:06:11.371) She's clearly anxious about individuals coming forward or speaking to the press or others about their activities. Well, I think there's a real risk that an NDA like this might have a chilling effect on someone's speech. Here's what the NDA tells us: it says applicants agree to hold all confidential information in strict confidence. We also learned Second Sons is a federally incorporated company. And according to experts we speak to. Being a company means second sons have to follow the law when its leaders say things like this. I'll do it. Look give give give me s give me some guys and some weapons and we'll fuck it we'll get rid of them. We'll take them up. Get in the truck, we've gonna the airport. Make me, okay, bang. Anybody else? Anybody else not want to go to the airport? Who wants to go to the airport? Show the hands, let's go to the airport. Alright, get out of the truck. I only had to shoot one, see? Easy. I've never seen or heard of a corporation calling for racial violence. It is highly problematic and illegal to do that. Now, because it's a corporation, Second Sends is supposed to file annual financial reports. We find they haven't been doing that. In fact, the government has already sent a notice of intent to dissolve the company. If there's anything you'd like us to investigate, email us at bi at cbc.ca. Repeating that, okay. So again, when I talk about Nathan Chasinghorse and I talk about his recruitment, I talk about like how dangerous like he even had mil ex military within within his cult. I think they had like over three hundred people. and again this white supremacy they're talking about is actively recruiting. Okay, so there are people out there who are actively engaging in this. And and I think too, a lot of people are drinking that Kool Aid. without knowing like the consequences of it, because they're dealing with their own inter we'll call it trauma. Their own personal history, their own personal stories. at at the same time too, like like like I said, Nathan Chasing Horse had st had created a non profit organization in California called Pipe. And and so everybody thought he was legitimate, just like what what they're doing here with the Sens Sons of Anarchy. Marina Crane (01:08:30.949) let's see here. I I want to also just do a little more. What if every time we call ourselves survivors of residential schools, we are actually training our nervous system to stay in survival mode? Something I learned from the late Harold Johnson is that our reality is created by the stories we tell ourselves. So when people would say that he was nothing but a drunk. He quit drinking and became sober. When people said he was a stupid lumberer, he went to Harvard law and became a crown prosecutor. Our nervous system is constantly finding evidence of danger in order to protect us. And it's easy for us to find danger in the healthcare system, in the education system, in the justice system as indigenous peoples, because violent salary colonialism is evidently ongoing. So for today on National Truth and Reconciliation Day, I invite you to reflect on the story that you are telling yourself and how that can really empower you to the person that you want to become. So not only are you a survivor, but you broke the cycle and you now have the power to accomplish anything in this world that you could dream of based on the story that you are now telling yourself. What if every time we call ourselves survivors of residential school? And that's a bare law. So that's why I'm talking about this nervous system, this thirty eight year old, and and just what society her choice to be around white people. and and how like she ha it's like learned helplessness. And then so this what I've just played is the opposite of that because as indigenous youth you can change that narrative. You can change your central nervous system. It's like I was talking to a childhood friend and I said, You know, when I go to casino and I lose, I feel normal. But see, understand this. My whole life I paid for my education. And there are times like I'll I'll use a a story here. I know I'm going off track for a bit, but years ago I got stuck in Montana on with my Marina Crane (01:10:58.635) my little used vehicle and I had I was stuck there for two weeks until I had my engine rebuilt and and then even then I had it would always stall 'cause there was a little a little pebble in my s my fuel fuel tu the tube in my f fuel in the carburetor and I'd ha every time it would stall I'd have to get a wrench and I'd hit it so that little pebble would move and I'd get gas into my car. So understand this, I'm driving down the interstate and I get stuck. Sometimes I'm there all day. Anyway, I finally got my car moving and I decided I was coming from Mont I had come from Canada into Montana to visit, got stuck there for two weeks and I was heading to Utah. Understand I didn't have very much money. Just like when I say when I gamble I'm I'm going like I I'm used to not having money when I lose. The moral of the story is I'm driving. And and I my car stalls, it's dusk, and the station wagon pulls up with two white guys and and they have a woman with two children in the back and fishing rods. They're going fishing or hunting. And they they get out of the car and they come towards me and they ask me with you know, before even asking me if I needed help, they j the guy says, Are you black? Are you Indian? I said, I'm Indian. He says, Good, because if you were black I wouldn't help you. Like talk about white supremacy. I I I was out in the middle of nowhere. They could have killed me if I said I was black. I don't know, but I felt like powerless. Because I had to I had to get my car going. As soon as I could get away from them, I had to do it. So they they you know, they my car started 'cause the little stone was dislodged and they just all felt like we did the most we did the Christian thing we helped you know, good we're good Samaritans and And they followed me right to the next little town and as I veered off to go heading to the direction of Utah, they waved like, you know, See you later and I'm just going, my goodness. They don't know how much like how they scared me. I could have like they c like like really they they could have killed me if I was black. That's what I pictured. My unconscious self and the reflection of this narrative. Marina Crane (01:13:20.757) So I'm driving I'm driving to Utah. And it like I said, this happened when it was dusk. So so as I'm driving, it's getting darker. And and over on the horizon I see you know, the si a little town or like you can see it all lit up. It was all flat prairie because I'd gone through Wind River Reservation up on top of the plateau, and bang, my car stalls. And I'm and I see in the field, like 'cause it's a It's a dirt road, like somebody must have just established a trailer and put electricity 'cause the the trailer was lit up. There was no set gravel road into the trailer, just a field. And and I thought, okay, I'm gonna have to go there and see if I could borrow the phone to get a tow truck. 'Cause I knew there was a little town, I could see it in the horizon. And again, I didn't have that much money. That's why sometimes I just wonder how did I get by living like this? Y you know, I mean like I had How did I pay my rent or find a job in Utah once I got there? Who like I I I must like I like I like I'm like I said, I had about 200, maybe 200, $300 on me. And I got out of the car and then I was gonna walk to the trailer and all of a sudden I heard this woman screaming. She was screaming, like she was like it was fear chilling screams like that. my goodness. I'm gonna be witness to a killing, to a murder. I was so triggered. So when I'm talking about like when I was a kid and I'd see my unc my uncle enraged, like that really triggered me. Like like again, this is my memory, my unconscious memory. I'm just triggered. I'm going, if if I witness a murder, he can kill me too. That's just after I had been tasked if I was black or Indian. So I'm con like I'm around you know, white people who are like d danger, danger, danger stranger. Marina Crane (01:15:19.949) So I get into my see and I'm laughing because it's you know, I'm fear this is fear that I'm laughing, okay? That's a memory. So I get into my little dance and it's a stick shift and I put it in reverse and I push with my foot out on the gravel. I push it into the ditch, and as my car rolls into the ditch, I just pop that clutch gas that that car just started. I just revved it, came out of the ditch, and I drove to that town in the horizon. I needed to find a place I was just trembling in fear for my life. And I thought, my goodness, if I park outside this motel and I get a room, somebody could just break the door down and kill me. I needed to find safety. This was all in my mind as a single indigenous woman. In you know, like I just so I found a holiday inn. I thought, okay, I'm gonna go in and I can in the hallway, they'll have cameras and security. That's how scared I was. So g I get I get the hotel room. Seventy bucks. I remember it was seventy dollars. How could I f afford that? How could I afford that? And I call I call my my mother and my younger brother, he was, you know, he was a teenager then. And I said to him, Tell Mum I'm okay. I told them what town I was in and that I was staying at a holiday in. And my cheeky little brother, bless his heart, he's he's dead now. He died when he was thirty five. He says to He says on the phone, he says, Mom, there's a woman on the phone saying she's Marina. But but it couldn't be Marina, because this woman is saying she's got a room at the holiday inn. And I know Marina's too cheap to get a room at the holiday inn. I thought, my brother. You don't know what kind of fear I just got into. But the fact that, you know, my my family knew how how you know I needed to hold on to my money. And and you know, talk to my childhood friend about gambling and I said, you know, when I lose and I don't have that money, it feels familiar. Like the irony of it is that it feels familiar and it shouldn't be. It shouldn't feel familiar because I live comfortably. Why do I subject myself to having that way, the feeling that way when I struggle so hard throughout my entire life just to get my education and to live, like to sacrifice? Marina Crane (01:17:45.601) So but again that's the the no the nate the notion of being an Indigenous woman traveling by herself in the States. And I do that. I've gone to New York and I've gone on the subway by myself. So I don't know if I always think about it as geographic memory. I just you know, when I was five years old and going and collecting rabbits in the on the trap the snare line and I I just think there there are just certain skill sets that my parents like I that I saw and that I was nurtured. So if I can help anybody in in even like like when they talk about the mindset that how you're raised in poverty and then how what you accomplish in your life, like the like like what this this young man said, the mindset if you if you believe it Like this thirty-eight year old woman, what she believes about herself is so tragic. That's why I was so like I just just the anger she carries with her. She doesn't need to carry that. But again, she accepted the narrative or the mindset of other people. And and the thing is the mindset that she carried is from the people like white people. Believe me, w when I was in Manitoba on my first day. in this little hick town and I took off from school and the people called I went to this place to get call of use the phone to call my mom or somebody. They called the police on me. A little child, like a I was me and my sister and I just thought, my goodness, I wasn't used to that because I was used to being living in the city. It just but just that white supremacy, like that white people have the like they have that right to call the police. They have that right The other person is going to p inflict punishment on this little savage. You know, like that like that people are raised that way. And that and that, you know, when you're isolated and you're a child and you think that white people have the answer and that whatever they think of you is the correct answer, I'm going, No. That's what's so tragic of this thirty eight year old. And and the the thing is like when I'm when I see and I hear so many other indigenous youth who are younger than her. Marina Crane (01:20:09.496) Who've gone through the same thing as her, and yet they've are on a healing journey and and she isn't. I just want to put that out there. Even though I've had this experience, I know there are so many other narratives, success stories of healing that that have come from sharing of stories and and and changing that mindset. Because even like with with alcoholism, too. Like my mother had this mindset she was an alcoholic, but she wasn't. That was her mindset because somebody told her. And and so a lot of things too when when people look at me and they say, well she's this way. Like I l I learned that mindset and I think twenty years ago I was living that mindset when it came to how I was dealing with Nathan Chasing Horse and and the limerence in it, the fantasy of it. and and not understanding the c cross cultural component, the narrative of being around white people, using that Pocahontas Disney character in in explaining my narrative to to them without understanding, like in terms of like what how like double double like the double wearing two hats, like the double narrative or the shadow effect. Call it call it what you may, but it's it's it's an indigenous or a person of a of a minority within any culture. You could be white in in India. Human skill in the skill set to negotiate and mediate and be involved in someone else in in investigating them is a skill set. And I'm grateful. I'm totally grateful. Marina Crane (01:22:01.923) You need to understand that there is an organized, well-funded effort to get you to hate Indigenous peoples. Whether it's the disgusting chuds at Rebel News selling worn shirts mocking dead children, or the Nazi fucks showing up with signs that say got bones, or BC MLA, Dallas Brody releasing a feature-length residential school denial documentary full of lies and bullshit. You don't think they would have noticed that some of their people went missing? That got over 600,000 views on YouTube. This has all happened. Because people with money see indigenous rights that are enshrined in our constitution, by the way, as getting in the way of them making even more money. Both the Rebel and Juno News have monetary ties to the fossil fuel industry. And guess who wants to build a pipeline through indigenous territory? Yeah, that's right. The same people denying the climate crisis also deny residential schools were bad. What a coincidence. And let's not forget, Dallas Brody holds almost fifty million dollars in real estate investments, so I'm sure Land back scares the shit out of her. These rich shitheads want you to see indigenous folks as the cause of your economic pain. If only they didn't have rights, then I'd be rich, they want you to think. But hey, whatever stops you from sharpening those guillotines. And this is how it's always worked. If you want to take other people's shit and still think of yourself as a good person, then you have to convince yourself that the other people are less than human. There were over 4,200 documented deaths at residential school. These were children snatched up by an institution whose whole purpose was to kill the Indian in the child. Denying this was bad is a cope. Because I'm sure you could imagine what it's like to have your child leave your home and never come back. This isn't about guilt. This is about shared humanity. Because you have much more in common with the average indigenous person than the average billionaire stoking hate. Marina Crane (01:24:02.264) That's why I talk ab like when I look at these young men who are being trained in white supremacy, you have they have more in common with indigenous people than than than the billionaires who are funding these corporations to hate, to to have people hate indigenous people. Like we've been around for five hundred years. Everything that we do and everything that our ancestors have given us We still practice it. We still practice it. And if I can if I have any influence in this young thirty-eight year old, I wouldn't I wouldn't know it. Because helping people is like you don't see the rewards. And if you could help one person, then then life's worth it. Because because that individual will go away thinking, at least hoping. I hope. That's all I can do. And and for me, like you know, I'm just grateful that I took care of my gr my niece for seven years. You know, it's she comes up to me and says hello and you know, just jokes around with me. Marina Crane (01:25:21.793) This is this is a a young woman who was eight years old when Nathan Chasing Horse came here. Marina Crane (01:25:31.549) And you know, when I say he tried to scare her when he w she was in ritual, when she was in ceremony and to find out that's what he was doing to other children eight to ten years old. He So many things so many things that we are so connected with in terms of being human and how we how we deal with our anger or don't deal with our anger.