Truth and Reconciliation

Thank you for sharing this transcript. It covers a wide range of deeply personal, historical, cultural, and social issues. Brief summary of the main themes: National Day for Truth and Reconciliation: The speaker reflects on September 30 in Canada as a day to remember the experiences of First Nations, Inuit, and Métis peoples, especially survivors of Indian Residential Schools. Intergenerational trauma: A central theme is how the effects of residential schools continue across generations, influencing families, parenting, identity, mental health, and community well-being. Preservation of survivor testimony: The speaker expresses concern about residential school records and survivor accounts that may be destroyed, arguing that these testimonies are important historical evidence and educational resources. Systemic racism and colonial policies: The transcript discusses the lasting impacts of the Indian Act, child welfare policies, forced assimilation, language loss, and restrictions placed on Indigenous communities. Healing and storytelling: The speaker emphasizes the importance of survivors and descendants sharing their stories so younger generations and newcomers to Canada can better understand this history. Trauma, abuse, and vulnerability: The podcast connects residential school experiences to broader discussions of trafficking, cults, coercive control, addiction, family violence, and mental health. Personal reflection: The speaker shares family history, including their mother's residential school experience, their own efforts to educate others, and the emotional difficulty of participating in Truth and Reconciliation events. Resilience and self-narratives: Drawing on teachings from Indigenous leaders and personal experiences, the speaker argues that healing involves changing self-defeating narratives and building healthier ways of understanding oneself. Community, relationships, and love: The closing sections focus on human connection, emotional honesty, spirituality, and the belief that healing ultimately involves learning how to embrace and release love. Overall, the transcript is a personal reflection that blends Indigenous history, Truth and Reconciliation, intergenerational trauma, mental health, spirituality, and the speaker's own life experiences and advocacy work. If you'd like, I can also provide: a 1-page executive summary, a neutral fact-based summary, a podcast show notes version, or an analysis of the key arguments and claims made in the transcript.

Marina Crane (00:01.574) good evening. September thirtieth, Happy Truth and Reconciliation Day Canada where in some provinces people have had holidays. And like yesterday we had a walk for Truth and Reconciliation, where there were like over a thousand people had turned out and then today there was a lot of walks going across Canada. Okay. So what does it all mean if you're from a different country or an immigrant and you wonder like what is Canada doing? Well when the news came out that there were all these children who had died in Indian residential school, there had to be like there was also compensation too for Indian residential school, day homes, day day like there's just so many The whole process when I talk about sovereignty, that we don't have sovereignty over our child and family like our children, is because the ki the Canadian government, the federal and provincial government, like in terms of social services, is run under that the auspices of those policies. Which means that a lot we don't have access like the our local leadership. When I say indigenous, I'm talking First Nations, Inuit and Metis. Okay, and it's a really difficult concept because sometimes you want to switch it, but you gotta stick to it and say, Okay, these are what when you say indigenous, especially on my podcast. Okay, so the d denial of it, the denial of what really happened. And like I I I posted something earlier on on TikTok and Again. Major breaking exclusive. This is this is just this is just me, but I I'd like you to listen to it because like I it's very hard for me to participate in truth and reconciliation 'cause it brings up a lot of emotional angst for me, like, you know, tear jerking moments and thinking. And so it it does that triggers a lot of people today. Okay. So September thirtieth Marina Crane (02:18.786) And look at what I have here. Tim Hortons. These are orange sprinkled donuts. Mind you, I'm not gonna finish them all in one sitting. I think I'll put them in the freezer and keep them. But I thought I'd advertise Tim Hortons. Why? Because the donations go to Indian residential school survivors or some some sort of true reconciliation, but hey. I thought I'll I'll I'll do this. I'll you know, it's a bit heartbreaking like the to attend rallies and listen to the stories of survivors and realize that there are a lot of young people just like a lot of immigrants who come into Canada and and the United States who don't realize like the the things that happen to children, innocent children for decades. And even trying to get people to understand curriculum development in terms of actually what happens. So the reality of it is like even in Canada, they're going to destroy some records in 2027. And the reality of it is like the Indian agents and the Department of Indian Affairs or or Indian Affairs in Northern, it was called a different name when I was a child. They destroyed records. some pe some of the older men in my community said the Indian agent just had boxes and boxes of papers that they had them had them burn. So a lot of den Indian residential school deniers, like the the we'll say the white supremacists or people who deny that there was such atrocities happening with children. Understand I'm saying children, babies. My mother was five years old when she went. Marina Crane (04:17.834) I made a promise to her when I when she started talking about her experience in Indian residential schools and her sisters and brothers started talking about the experiences. It it angered me that I hadn't heard about this until like she was a senior. And it always amazes me that you know that these records are gonna destroy th those are living archives in in the sense that because the the Indian agents and the government of Canada destroyed records, probably even burial sites or or or if they were live births or or deaths of babies or like they destroyed records. testimonies and records that are hope that are going to be destroyed again because of confidentiality. There was some loophole with truth and reconciliation in in terms of the settlement, the class action lawsuit. Now I remember my mother signed a paper saying that she was willing to have her story be pub be public because it was going to help her you know, her children, her grandchildren, great-grandchildren. And so I believe like because there isn't curriculum, there still isn't curriculum in 2026, that these records are important because they document hit witness statements of if somebody saw a a dead child or if they had to bury a child like children digging graves for their for their you know their their classmates and i and again i want to use the word classmates okay because these are un all under the umbrella of education and so even now when i get up and i talk Marina Crane (06:17.582) And pe and I have my podcast and I'm doing this on TikTok. And I at sometimes I'm going, why am I doing this? And I'm thinking, no, I'm doing this because my parents didn't have a voice, nor did my grandparents. And the fact that I went to a city school and I've been integrated my entire life, I refuse to believe like that I am a sellout or anything like that because the stories I talk about in in the tragedies or the Abuse, even within my own siblings, too, because when my parents separated, my mother thought it would be better that my siblings and I would go into Indian residential school. Again, you know, it's a government-run organization. I understand this too. We didn't have child and family in our communities. The the whole conversion and the policies under the Indian Act in terms of child and family, that's there's federal and provincial. We do not have sovereignty. Okay, so we're we're not able to have like group homes, group shelters for different age childhood development and keeping our children in our communities to teach them our culture and our language. Because again, that was stripped away during like forever. Even my talking about it would have been silenced. I I know there were so many people who were jailed by the RCMP for for trying to stop this whole process. And just the fact that there's so many people my age who talk about being on the 60s scoop or being adopted. And and for me being First Nations, and I try to say, look at it as an umbrella. indigenous or call them call us aboriginal, call us indigenous. The reality of it is there's First Nations in the community. We're all under that umbrella of indigenity. Okay, so what's the big deal? Well because nobody knows our history except like I know my history because I heard it from my my parents and it was only later in my life when they started talking about it. Marina Crane (08:33.374) And a lot of times when I meet people of privilege and they say, I didn't know and I'm going, even the way you talk to me and saying, You people, you're talking to me. Don't call don't say you people. I said that I'm I'm here. I I like I just the reality of it of it is my confront confronting people my entire life and saying, you know, look at me. You're you're talking at me, you're not talking to me. And the reality of it is like even l th how they say the words or talk to me and I'm saying, look at it it if you're some if I'm talking to you that way, don't you get an an uneasy feeling? I because I think privilege and systemic racism is so entrenched it's like like the donuts, it's sweet. There's the only way I can put it because why would people want to deny that humanity is so horrible in how we treat our children when it's happening today in Gaza? You know, I look at the j intergenerational trauma with my with my great-grandmother, my grandmother, my mom. And I hear the history and I hear the stories of of scalping. settlers ch chasing pregnant Sioux women, gutting them and taking their s the baby scalps and their scalp. And then I and then I think about just the propaganda of going from rodeo to rodeo with with pictographs, propaganda against Dakota people. Not just that too, but even today when we have so many white supremacists who literally have the audacity to show up at former residential schools parading around like you know, they're so proud that you know that these helpless children were Marina Crane (10:34.992) Victims of adults. The worst type of adults that could have been hired by the Indian agents. Understand that. There was no critique. There was no like, yeah, let's check it off. They've got a degree in psychology and childhood development. That's lies. Nothing. Those people that who are religious. did s horrible things to these children. And if those records in twenty twenty seven are are burnt because of the Supreme Court or the j the legal system that's requ is requiring it. as indigenous people were saying no, don't do this because where where is our curriculum? Our our knowledge keepers, those who testified, ha a lot of them have died. So the legacy of what actually happened because the Canadian government burnt papers, it's important to connect the dots. It's important for our youth, our children, our great grandchildren to understand because it's also telling the rest of the world the result of what happens when when a One group ha kills another group of children. When adults kill children and the legacy of how those children and their parents have to live within a society, intergenerational trauma. If we do not learn this, we're going to continue to turn our eyes away from people or things that are happening in Gaza today and all over the world. That's my point. Happy Indigenous Day, Truth and Reconciliation. The truth needs to be told. A large part of it too is like when I say indigenity, I'm talking about First Nations Inuit and Metis. And I'm also talking about like in ritual abuse. When when you when there are so many countries who allow adults to marry children, there there are more people Marina Crane (12:32.216) Who are are religious under the guise of religiosity that condone adults marrying children. And again, too, like when I talk about ritual abuse, that it's been around since the beginning of time, and just what human sexuality is, and and what is it that is so barbaric that people don't look at why people are promiscuous and that it's a normal, natural ex expression of healing. At the same time, too, two-spirited, trans, homosexual, whatever gender, like the the pronouns he, she, they, them, all that is an evolution of the reality that we're we're we're all was bonding with somebody. But yet it's not, it's it's the reality when I talk about Nathan Chasing Horse and the cult and ritual abuse, I'm talking about trauma bonds. But in nature, human beings bond. Okay? We bond. We're so resilient and I hate to use the word resilient, but but it's in our nature to not be happily ever after forever. it's in our DNA that we do have the capacity to to form bonds. And and again, why isn't this taught in schools? And and why is it that people are using coercive control to manipulate and and basically tr try and have their own narrative played out. That's why for me as an indigenous woman, when I meet other indigenous w women who are misogynist And and and it's really scary because even though they're there advocating for Truth and Reconciliation Day and they're marching, the the reality of it is just the accomplishments of of women. Marina Crane (14:31.574) And I'm just using indigenous women that that a woman cannot look at another woman and say, I'm I'm really proud of you that you've succeeded in becoming a lawyer or a chief or a manager or some degree of of notoriety in in even talking about sexual assault, like like I'm so grateful. Like why is it that women don't do that to support other women? And again, that's part of this whole podcast that I talk about. But it but it's a real it's it's the reality that I think if we look at our own like when we have and I'm talking about indigenous elder women right now, we need to do some self-reflection. We need to look at it and and understand our own capacity of what what is what is What does healing look like and how and how how have we As women, what have we done in our life to to promote this, to to engage and create safe spaces for our children? If if we can't create safe spaces for our children or ourselves, how how do we expect to create safe spaces for our children? And and the very fact that that the RCMP took away our children, my like my they took away my mom like my mom was five when she went into Indian residential school. And and just like my grandmother was a in Indian residential school. The the reality of how many generations and and yet you look at the Inuit and there's just first generation. So so women my age or pe people my age, it would be it would be th their parents who still lived off the land. So it's just it's just like their their experience is no is no greater or less than anybody else. It's just Marina Crane (16:29.548) the southern the southern tribes and into the United States Have have experienced systemic racism at least a hundred years prior to contact with the Inuit. And and that's why like when you look at Métis, you're looking at the Cherokee or the Métis and just the systemic racism that was that was infringed on them coming to do with again slavery and what fancy girls and fancy boys, like all this whole dominance of of trying to have coercive control. over a group of people who who've who've suffered, who've been who've been denied, who've been terrorized and killed. I mean I use the word Gaza but but and what's happening in the Middle East. But the reality of it is like like if you look at society and you and you look at like right now I think the Haddist commodity is white girls from ages eighteen to twenty four and maybe maybe I'm saying maybe it's just all girl all girls, all young women, who go on fans only and fans only is a porn site for those who may not know, because I didn't know. Their their clientele are are married men. Like there's eighty million married men who subscribe to fans only. So when I talk about bonding and and that we have the capacity to bond, at what at what stage do women say I refuse to bond because you don't understand my needs? And again, we have a lot of men, coercive control who want to have control over the reproductive systems of women. And again, we go back to this whole Marina Crane (18:26.242) falla it's not a fallacy, but I wish it were a fallacy. We're we're where we allow society allows adult adults to marry children. If if ritual abuse wasn't real, the horror of it, would w the reality of it would be sus would society allow men, elderly men, grown men to marry children ten ten to fifteen years old. even even even the underground porn and and it like it's just so enmeshed in in society. And like the one lady who talked about truth and reconciliation, she also, you know, gave a warning, this is a trigger, she said, this is a trigger. And the fact of what happened t to her with her like incest and her mother even even her father allowing her to be trafficked so with a taxicab driver so he could have money for alcohol. Like the poverty and the reality of like the like the the the woman says my mother knew what type of man my father was. And then for for her when she started having children that her parents wanted to have control over their granddaughter. So the legacy of trafficking and how people value females, like that's part of the intergenerational trauma we're talking about. And when we're talking and it's not understand this, the majority of missing and murders indigenous women isn't coming from indigenous men, it's coming from other other sources like white men. The majority of children that are being trafficked at age 14 comes from foster homes and adoption and and like runaways as as well as like who who's trafficking them. It's not indigenous men, but again too. I'm not saying indigenous men are are innocent. Look at Nathan Chasing horse. But at the same time over the weekend when I went into the bathroom at at the casino here, in in in in my the casino, and there were young indigenous women in their early twenties, probably nineteen, twenty, who were being trafficked. You you knew they were prostitutes. And but but again too there's a reason why we have to talk about Marina Crane (20:54.847) are life stories so that people get the gist that it's not it's not just a fallacy or a fantasy or somebody who concocted up a story to get attention. Now this young woman she well actually it was posted by APTN on TikTok and but I usually try to like she's a young activist. I don't she's not the same activist as the one who whose par whose parents had trafficked her and and the incest involved. and again I I want to put signs sign shine some light on that because unless somebody exposes or says something about their autobiography or their biography, you don't really know. And and that's why I caution for me when I wear my skin, I I'm saying no, don't paint me with that same brushstroke. I advocate. I advocate because I helped bury a lot of women who who were like this young woman. And the fact that she's successful and healthy and raising her f her children. She says she is so afraid of what h happened as she was growing up that she's overprotective with her own daughter, like with anxiety. so I'm going to play this next one because so many people are in denial. of of ritual abuse or systemic racism or or the horrors of what adults can do to children. To deny the severity of what existed is to deny even what exists today. You know, the Indian Act is still very much there. You know, when they say, well we were developing schools and we were trying to do positive. That's that's not what happened. We're talking about oppressive legislation. We're talking about a Canadian government that didn't want our people speaking their language, practicing ceremony, powwow dancing All of those things, the past system, you can't leave your community, all of those things were systemically going on while our children were being forcibly removed from their homes. So they were taking the core family dynamics, breaking it apart, you know, the wide s the widespread residential school system, and then even the the history saying like show me the proof, show me the proof while the Canadian government was actively ensuring that that documentation wasn't as readily available as it should have been. So those are the types of things that really frustrate me around these types of of of days. Marina Crane (23:18.989) And that's why I do my podcast. And that's why I try and get as many influencers, indigenous influencers, to you know, to to like I I put it on my podcast. And 'cause because it's important. W this is the age of information. And like I said, my parents didn't have it, n nor did my grandparents. And and I'll there was a lot of shame and guilt and I've expressed that that I didn't know these things were going on because my my mother was afraid of white people. And also there was a there even within my own siblings there there's a shame of poverty. And and so a a lot of the reality of like w what is it what is it that you know that we're actually looking at. Marina Crane (24:09.149) What if every time we call ourselves Marina Crane (24:16.693) survival mode. Something I learned from the late Harold Johnson. Is that our reality is created by the stories we tell ourselves. So when people would say that he was nothing but a drunk, he quit drinking and became sober. When people said he was a stupid lumberer, he went to Harvard law and became a crown prosecutor. Our nervous system is constantly finding evidence of danger in order to protect us. And it's easy for us to find danger in the healthcare system, in the education. System and the justice system as Indigenous peoples because violence out of colonialism is evidently ongoing. So for today on National Truth and Reconciliation Day, I invite you to reflect on the story that you are telling yourself and how that can really empower you to the person that you want to become. So not only are you a survivor, but you broke the cycle and you now have the power to accomplish anything. in this world that you could dream of based on the story that you are now telling yourself. That's why like even in terms of alcohol addiction And and the fact like like the Oxford group that established the twelve step program, like that's cult. It's a cult. because it started with moral rearmament and they recruited a lot of Native Americans in the sixties and seventies. And like I said, they sent my parents to South American India. And these were, you know, rich financiers of industry that were millionaires in the United States. Much like to what's happening now. Marina Crane (26:02.367) at you know with tariffs and everything. Hey, it's been going on since I was a kid and it's just gotten a bit it's just become sophisticated. But the mind is a powerful tool. And the more we we have a negative self, no, I don't want to use the word negative, the more we have self-talk that is self-defeating. See, I want to use the word self-defeating. Because if when when we're self defeating and and we cannot change that narrative, and sometimes it takes a lot of guided imagery to to change that narrative. And a lot of times I find in cross cultural orientation or just talking with people that are not of the culture that that this whole narrative of cross-cultural orientation starts becoming almost like a fantasy of of a narrative. It it's like storytelling when you say like in Disney, you know, Cinderella or the three bears or you know like Mary head a little lamb and you know you're basically doing the ABCs of systemic racism when you're talking to people outside of your culture and you're building this fantasy because you're trying to relate to them and get them geared are hooked into the narrative of what you're trying to say about ritual abuse and about mental health because it's a very abstract thing to talk about these these self-defeating narratives, these self-defeating thoughts, because it takes time to eliminate those thoughts. Now that's why when I talk about limerence and I talk about there's so many people out there in the world who have this magic wand and saying, just subscribe to me, I can help you. I I don't do that and I know people have been emailing me and again I don't connect that way for good reason because it doesn't help. I if I can say and I can say that for me being around white people my entire life and still being around white people when I when I give talks about you know truth and reconciliation, there there's there's this tendency Marina Crane (28:24.447) Not the tendency well yes, it's it's so easy to slip into the fragility of white the white gays. And and that's why when I talk about limerence, that that like it's a double when you're talking about the white gays, you're talking about double the double imagery of a white privilege. So so y so a white person would look into it as like, she's in love with me. or she's in limerence with me. When yet the narrative is basically trying to cross that cultural barrier of what it what narrative you're trying to express, hoping that the emotion of it is understood. At the same time too, The cautionary tale in the other in the flip side of of like how would I put it? Systemic racism or white supremacy i is is is the errata erotia of it, where i it it it has to do with with danger the danger of it, erotia. Because it has to do with the mind, whereas limerence is more of the fantasy. So in order to find that balance, then you have to say, okay, w when I'm thinking of this person that I've just talked about trauma and I'm triggering this individual, at what the outcome of it, like it's like computer programming, you've programmed and there's an outcome of the narrative. Is it is it erodomania or is it limerence? And and so for me I've always thought that I w the outcome was going to be limerence. And I thought, my goodness, I'm repeating this. But the reality of it is like when you stop it and you say no, the outcome is cautionary because erotic is an equivalent to say a better housewife whose husband is targeting her, trying to find out which safe home or woman shelter she's in and she's gotta get a restraining order. Like like that i is erotomania. Marina Crane (30:25.495) ex and and that's why I say there's a there's a difference, a huge difference in terms of danger. So even when I talk about white supremacy and people not understanding the the whole concept of of of bonding or even how you know what what it means to really take a look at your own animal animalism or your own spirit, your own who who you are and how you came to be. It you know, it's it's like I really enjoy the things that I have uncovered and things that I do and and I hope people do do really get really get to Know these things. now I'm not sure I don't want to do things that don't seem appropriate for truth and reconciliation, but here we go. Thirty-eight thousand accounts of abuse at residential schools are set to be destroyed by September twenty twenty seven. Collected between 2006 and 2012, these accounts make up the most comprehensive archive of survivor testimony about atrocities committed against children in residential schools. The question of what to do with the files afterward arrived at the Supreme Court in 2017. The National Council for Truth and Reconciliation and the Canadian government opposed the destruction of the files, while many Catholic organizations, lawyers acting on behalf of claimants, and the Assembly of First Nations supported destroying them. Connie Walker, a Pulitzer Prize winning Cree journalist, is on a mission to create. A new national archive. Wakra is leading the Indian Residential School Records Project. The initiative works in partnership with First Nation, Metis, and Inuit communities to build this archive of survivor accounts, testimonies, and court filings. But the question of what should happen to these files is not so simple. Survivor testimony is essential to understanding the scale of abuse at residential schools and may also hold information about missing children. At the same time, these accounts were shared under promises of confidentiality. Marina Crane (32:29.483) So the challenge that lies ahead is how to ensure that survivors and their families and communities hold authority over how these truths are protected, remembered, and carried forward. And that vital evidence of the truth does not get lost along the way. So that's why when I talk about erodomania and limerence. in terms of a narrative, in terms of intergenerational trauma. It's it's the confidentiality in terms of mental health. And and that these narratives, these stories of of what the children saw and experienced in Indian residential school, is is conducted in an appropriate manner so that so that the archives are documenting actual history of what what was what what was actually lived, what they lived through. That's why when I talk about my parents and I talk and I listen to other people talk about their parents and the reality too of just how people had that self defeating armor on them You know, I I talk about Mormonism and I talk about like the whole foster care system and how you know we we constantly when we don't heal, it seems like and I'm just saying it from my experience. I'm not saying it's it's written in stone for everybody. I'm just saying my own experience with with intergenerational trauma is is the my vulnerability to to adapt to different cults, like being very vulnerable. And and so and again, part of the rationale and the reasoning that came about was the reasoning why people didn't believe me about Nathan Chasing horse and and yet he created a cult. And why was it so normalized? Because again, we're so vulnerable in intergenerational trauma that we're always seeking to find our identity. Marina Crane (34:31.421) And whether and whatever that self-defeating ideology, illusion, or delusion has created in our psyche, how how do we treat each other as siblings or even as partners? So again, the it's not an easy process by by any means of healing, but it's but it is important that as groups of people gather together and as people share their stories, the horrific stories of how they've lived. I I I I think the reality of it is like my life could have been totally different. My my life could have been totally different. I the reality of it is like what was stopping my father if if he chose to traffic me or my mother involved in this. There there are just certain things that I just you know, coulda sh coulda, woulda, shoulda. And and yet I try and tell people this didn't happen to me. again, shoulda, woulda, coulda, I could have been a prostitute, didn't happen to me. Or or an alcoholic or like again, a a lot of times when when people look at me and they say, Well, Marina, how did you live? A lot of times, we we don't realize that the impact that intergenerational trauma has had in shaping us, in shaping who we are today. I'm just very grateful that I can use this platform to try to educate people because it it's one thing to to meet white people, but it but it's another thing to to actually like like to actually see some some change. That's why like in in the past ten years, even this truth and reconciliation and the amount of people that are walking and showing support would never have happened. Would never have happened. So understand this. What's going on now should have happened in the sixties or fifties. Okay? Shoulda woulda coulda. But what is preventing the Canadian government Marina Crane (36:53.833) or or people in in politics from even dealing or even listening to indigenous people because the Indian residential schools were still operational. There wasn't any money for child and family social services. A lot of other people like my like I said, we lived off the land. So there were more people in Western Canada who were living off the land rather than in Eastern Canada they were accommodating into like a hundred years earlier with systemic racism and the policies of colonialism. So for me, talking about the nature of Nathan Chasing horse coming into my community or coming into Western Canada was a was something, was something that that that triggered me to explore it. And and and I and I'm saying this narrative because because white people need to understand this isn't something I'm not some savage that under doesn't understand human behavior or human sexuality. And yet here I am trying to educate you to look in your own backyard. And I know I know that's a premise that every human being has ever heard. And and and again We don't know. I don't know when I meet white people, just whether or not I can trust them. You know, I went to a ritual abuse conference in Utah and and from that I realized, my goodness, there are judges, policemen, lawyers, nurses, doctors who could have multiple personalities who were raised in ritual abuse and developed multiple personalities as children, went and got a university degree and are functioning in public with a different narrative than their private self. And their private self could have different personalities. And that private self could be doing horrible things to children. Marina Crane (38:52.779) So that's why when I talk about Indian residential school and religiosity, I'm saying from the beginning of time there were ritual there was ritual abuse. And the fact that people would sooner say, that person is so good, he's a holy person, he will never do that. Yes, yes. Heard that story before and yet they hurt they hurt thousands of children. So when people say, well why why did it take so long to catch Nathan Chaseymorse? Because people would sooner want to see a young man in his at the time in his thirties, being being the new prophet, the second coming of Jesus Christ, just like just like how Americans, you know, see their leadership. like it it's it's it's an it's not just Like it's a w it's a world issue, okay? It's a world issue. It it has to do with money, it has to do with power and coercive control. And the majority of people who are hurting are children who are just in it are like there there are eight billion people in the world. And and however we are going to function in the next fifty years is is important for us to really navigate What it is that we're hoping what is it that we're trying to teach our young people about love? Because I'm I'm I'm at I'm at the belief system that that love does exist. I'm I'm at the belief system that the whole purpose of of us living this life i is to is to find love. And and however we see it, i it's not it's not a judgment by any means. Marina Crane (40:55.479) That's why when we look at and we study behavior and we look at bonding and and how we're as human beings, that's who we are. And and yet at the same time because of religiosity and because of the whole notion of thou shalt not, a lot of times our self-defeating patterns of thinking, especially to about our sexuality, really hurts other people. And and I'll I'll go back to a spiritual practice here and and I'll I'll close it off in with that because like I said there was a Lakota man, he passed away a few years ago, and he was talking to me about hung prayers and he was saying he was saying and there is such a phenomena, okay, of how our body deals with foreign objects or or you know different bacteria and stuff. Okay, but let me let me put it this way. He he said he said I went to I was called to go up north. There was a a reserve just outside of Edmonton and he said there was a old man who died and people were scared of him because of superstition. He says so I went to the funeral home, I prayed over his body. went to his home, prayed and smudged and prayed over the house and even even his the grave site he prayed over. And the funeral home director saw everything that was going on and he he said to this man, he says, Come to the funeral home, I want to show you something. So he went there and he says, you know, I I I prepare the bodies for burial. He says, and as I'm preparing the bodies for burial, these these objects fall out of the out of their bodies. Marina Crane (42:51.751) And and he had mason jars filled of these. And he says, he says, I I I've seen this on he says, but when some people from Africa started moving into this small town, he said, then I started seeing this happening to their their bodies as well. And and so this fellow said to me, those are hung prayers. And I he says, those are that's when people deliberately pay pray, that's P-R-A-Y, pray for bad things to happen to somebody. Whether it's jealousy, well whether it's envy, what what's the word? poss like if they you want to possess somebody, you you want to you want to stalk somebody like when I talk erodomania. Well so there's a okay, so we're talking about these things and even in terms of limerence. So so when you have somebody who's who who cannot put boundaries down and and they're praying bad for people. Those are hung prayers. And the equivalent of it, now this is what is so strict this is what is so vital in terms of psychology and basic psychology 101. When I took care of high risk suicide teenage girls in the state of Utah all of them were were institutionalized either by the courts or families, put them in there because they were danger to themselves. Much like my niece eventually became the the niece who passed away, the n the niece who never was able to see justice with Nathan Chasinghorse. She saw justice with my brother. But the reason I'm saying that is when when children are abused by adults, like I said. I don't know how many countries or states that allow children to be married to adults. When when you when that happens, it's unforgivable. And and the way the human mind creates and copes with with trauma i i is like it's a it's it's a hung prayer. It it it because the child the child it it the child is a danger to themselves and others. So Marina Crane (45:11.115) What what why why would that be? Well they want to they don't want to live in earth. They don't wanna live anymore. They're trying to kill themselves. So so when a h so when you think you're eat an evolved human being and like just like with what happened to me a couple of weeks ago, you know, where my cousin af after numerous times, like she has when we talk about suicide, she'll she'll say, Don't do it. There there have been other occasions where I've had to basically I like I I jokingly say, No, if somebody's gonna talk to me, you're gonna pay me the amount of money that you would pay a therapist. Because I'm done with it. I am totally done with it. Especially when she says to me, kill yourself, do it, do it right now. And and to me, for me to say it to her, as if I'm a mental health worker, saying it to her, what you're saying and what you're doing is illegal in counseling somebody to kill themselves. And and that's the that's the whole nature of what a home prayer is. It's against the law. And even if you think like, nobody would say that or do that, when you're not talking about the way you think, and you're not sharing an open and finding peace with the way you think, whether or not you're aware of that self-defeating behavior, you ha you have to try and eliminate that self-defeating thought because it evolves into hung prayers. And when it evolves and and is morphed into you actually sit sitting there coaching someone to kill themselves. See, truth and reconciliation and and the underbelly of human trafficking and the underbelly of of drug addiction. When I was growing up and I you know, my father drank, but there were there was about I say ten years where he didn't. And and there were times when I just felt like like I I just felt like I wanted him to die. Marina Crane (47:15.529) And and for me as a child, not understanding what hung prayers were, I say to my siblings, I know what my father was like because I took care of my late mother. And because my mother was also a survivor of Indian Indian residential school, I I learned more about my you know, my mother's behavior towards my father. And and as a result I learned more about myself. So these things when when I talk about creating a narrative and inter cross cultural orientation and expressing about what it is to be indigenous to to someone who is totally foreign to to my culture. It's the reality of the fact that there there will be times where you just sort of l go into a limerant phase. or or you have to catch yourself if you're going into sort of some sort of erotomania phase. Because because the trauma that is triggered in the narrative can be profound. So and and again I'm I'm I'm trying to explain it in a very abstract way. And I know some people who are listening to me who are mental health workers, like like the one lady who's worked decades emailed me. I know there are people out there who understand what I'm saying. And and for those who who don't but realize like yes you have felt this. You have felt like I you just it's so the trauma, the trigger is so much that you just wish that person would die. again, if you being a child and understanding, but as we put away those childish things and become adults, at what point do we eliminate that self-confeeding behavior? Because we're gonna carry that with us until like we're old, we come become elderly. And and that's the the nature of it. That is the reason why I do my podcast. Marina Crane (49:24.491) That is the nature of the reality of what indigenous elders and knowledge keepers have been handing down to their children and their children's children. We were here thousands of years. Our rituals and ceremonies meant something and still mean something to us, that we are here to teach, and however we try to teach in what it means to heal, what it means to be an easy. in embracing and releasing love. I as as old as I I am, I had to make a decision. Do do I do I not expose my feelings? And I I said, no, I'll expose my feelings. What a revolution. What a what a like y you know it it's I I just wanna put that out there in terms of my narratives and this podcast. And and that sometimes when we do end up in relationships, especially people who've ha been in like our grandparents or your your you've got an ex partner or your partner has died or whatever and you're single and you're alone now, the very fact that you've felt love is is is part of that that the part of letting go on embracing. Like it like I said, the whole notion of like, I'm gonna be sealed to this person for time and all eternity, even in the next life. No. Take that out of your wheelhouse. That does not exist. And and the more you release that, the the freer, in my opinion, you'll feel. Because then you're opening up to Marina Crane (51:26.839) feeling sexually a attracted to someone. See that whole fear and shame and guilt holds on to us in terms of religiosity. And sometimes we think somebody who looks and appears to be well may not be all that well themselves. So that's why it's important every day to to pray. You know, we prayed for for to for thing for this process of eliminating self defeating behavior. and understanding it. Why is it that we have to have this narrative? Why is it that we have to have the utter these words to communicate to another human being? That's just the way way things are. Once we know what peace and love is, then it's it's that that that the English and the words and all that is is in my opinion secondary. Because it's like it's creator's great mystery. Creator's great mystery is love. So anyway, Truth and Reconciliation Day, it's coming to a close. I do this work and I talk about my my siblings, I talk about myself, I talk about my community and and my grandparents and my great grandparents. And and then I also talk about people that I've met who've influenced me and and how that we have this human connection. So yes it's it's it's it's it's the only way that I know how to to try and give some ad some information about how how to manage and just not try not to be afraid of how you feel. And and if you if you need to talk to somebody, find somebody who's safe. And and they may be safe for a short short amount of time and you may outgrow them. But that's what we're here for, the journey. Marina Crane (53:45.952) Okay. I wanted to give that out for truth and reconciliation and again for all those who are triggered by by truth and reconciliation and trauma and the stories you hear and have been hearing today. It's a it's like I said, it's a very emotional day. I I my personally I you know, I I listened to a few things. But I but I just can't d get so i i en meshed in it. In I can't embrace it because it I've gotta release it. It's i it's too painful, the the reality of children having innocence somebody d having committed unforgivable acts against children. Have a good day and Marina Crane (54:44.151) What can I say? I'm just grateful for people who email me and I'm grateful too for the people who who I I have these podcasts like Bear, he's a lawyer, and this young woman who's Metis. I I try to document as much as I can when I do when I do share their audio. Okay, I better head off and have my have my soup. Okay, a little update. I made I made what is it called? congee. Congee, it's rice soup. And understand this too, my dogs, I have two great Pyrenees. And the one has just gone amuck. I swear he keep he they they they've been wandering. And the one keeps returning home every night. But I'm at a loss for the other Pyrenees. And I've lost Pyrenees. Either vehicles have run them over or or cougars or bears or somebody has killed them or ab abducted them. So for me it's it's a struggle to have outdoor dogs and and I refuse to have an indoor dog. I've only ever had one in my whole life and I my and then my sister, she's getting a a a little miniature husky. And I told her I would call her about eight o'clock, eight thirty, 'cause he's he's gonna be he's gonna be that's it her new his new home. my my niece is also traveling from Ontario back to to back to Alberta. So A lot of things are are happening and changing and tomorrow I I'm invited with a bunch of other elders from Sutina to to have a luncheon. So it'll be nice to see all the people I've grown up with. And I just wanna put it out there that I still think of of you and I still you know, I'm grateful that I've that I've met you and that I continue to Marina Crane (56:57.449) embrace and release my feelings towards you. So with those things I wish you all well and in in the way of things we go wo Pidao Midakya Piyavasana. We're all related. Creator, grandfathers, grandmothers. And I know people when they you listen, you go, Well, grandfather, grandmother, the sun and the moon. But at the same time all the generations from the beginning of time. Creator, grandfathers, grandmothers, thy will be done.