Tools for healing both individuals and collective wounds

This podcast episode is a wide-ranging personal reflection that weaves together grief, Indigenous identity, healing, trauma, storytelling, self-worth, mental health, and spirituality. Main themes 1. Why the podcast matters Marina explains that she continues podcasting because she has come to recognize that her life experiences and stories have value. Listening to elders helps younger generations understand that grief, loss, and hardship are survivable, and that wisdom can be passed across generations. 2. The importance of Indigenous storytelling A major theme is that Indigenous people have often been taught, directly and indirectly, to devalue their cultures, histories, and experiences. Marina reflects on how residential schools, racism, and colonial attitudes affected generations of Indigenous people and why reclaiming personal and cultural narratives matters. 3. Self-worth and validation She describes how being listened to by others, particularly people outside her culture, helped her realize that her experiences were meaningful. This led her to reassess long-standing feelings of self-doubt and self-defeating beliefs. 4. Trauma, healing, and self-defeating behavior Throughout the episode, Marina repeatedly returns to the idea that people carry unconscious patterns shaped by trauma. She discusses: • Learned helplessness • Self-defeating thoughts • Dissociation • Emotional regulation • The role of therapy • The importance of self-reflection Her argument is that healing requires becoming aware of the stories we tell ourselves and how those stories shape our lives. 5. Residential schools and intergenerational impacts Using comments from Murray Sinclair and others, she emphasizes that Indigenous children were taught their cultures were inferior while non-Indigenous children were often taught negative stereotypes about Indigenous peoples. She views reconciliation as a long-term process requiring generations of change. 6. Mental health and cultural context Marina expresses concern that some Western therapeutic approaches may focus too heavily on helping people adapt to harmful social conditions rather than questioning those conditions. She highlights Indigenous perspectives suggesting that some realities, such as racism and colonial violence, should not simply be accepted or normalized. 7. Personal experiences of violence and recovery She shares her experience of sexual assault and reflects on how long it took her to fully articulate the impact of that trauma. She stresses that healing often requires safety, support, and the opportunity to speak openly about painful experiences. 8. Boundaries and protecting energy An important personal lesson she shares is the need to establish boundaries, even with friends or acquaintances whose behaviors feel draining or harmful. She sees boundaries as necessary for self-respect and emotional well-being. 9. Education, leadership, and Indigenous success Marina discusses the challenges faced by Indigenous people who leave their communities for education and professional development. She argues that communities need opportunities and infrastructure so educated Indigenous people can return home and contribute meaningfully. 10. Spirituality, mystery, and human connection Toward the end, she recounts unusual experiences involving what she describes as seemingly telepathic encounters. Rather than presenting them as facts, she reflects on them as part of life's "great mystery" and uses them to encourage mindfulness, respect, and awareness of how people's thoughts and actions may affect others. Overall message The central message of the episode is that healing begins with understanding the stories we tell ourselves. Marina encourages listeners to value their experiences, challenge self-defeating beliefs, seek appropriate support, honor their identities, and recognize that personal growth is a lifelong process. She frames storytelling, self-reflection, community, and cultural knowledge as powerful tools for healing both individual and collective wounds.

Marina Crane (00:02) Good morning. It's October 5th and it's noon. So to my listeners and my new listeners, and you're wondering, like I wonder once in a while, why am I doing my podcast? And then I think about my age, and then I think about my culture, and I think about just what it means to grieve. And a lot of times I look at our community. and I see elders being invited to talk and then I realize that it's family because our young people need to hear our elders talk and and remember what it whoever and whatever they're grieving about that the elders have gone through this and it also it it also brings back memories of somebody that they've lost. So that's very profound. That's why I think when I talk about holistic and collective ways of thinking it's important. Now that's why like when I think about my podcast and and it I don't think a year ago I would have been so have such tenacity in in struggling just to get content for my podcast. But it was my trip to Las Vegas and and even though I'd been in contact with Wachashta Washte the this white man, I'd text him and give him information. And it was always a curiosity to me why I was motivated, triggered, or had some sort of catalyst in trying to educate him about my culture or just the way things are and even then I'm still doing it today in my podcast. The the moral is that I'm what I'm trying to get at is that I didn't realize that my life and my stories meant something. I mean it it's one thing to it's one thing to have friends and you're sitting there talking and they sort of get bored with you. But it's a different it's a different take when it's somebody who has been totally raised in a different environment than you. And and I think it's also intergenerational too. a lot of things that I've discovered about Indian residential school, about systemic racism. just didn't like I wasn't it it just came about it came about in in getting content as well as meeting people. And in the process of meeting people I've had to release acquaintances, dear friends and at the same time I've had to have the courage to just keep going. So why why am I saying this is that When when I hear young people like in their forties, even in their thirties, I have my niece driving into Calgary today, probably in a couple of hours she'll be here. And when she was a a child, when she was a baby I used to babysit her and used to get her leapfrog and just hope she would start reading even at age two and three. And and now she's like thirty thirty one and she's she's got her own little library. I shouldn't say little library. I don't even have a library like her. Yet I'm saying this not to be boastful, but the reality of our young people are so totally different than how I grew up. And even then it's the diversity of indigenous people who are in urban settings, as well as all the other indigenous people who've either been adopted or sixty scoop or Indian residential school or grandmothers or grand like it's just The diversity is so extreme and as an elder I'm thinking h am I am I catching up or am I saying something that is going to be held held in a good way. But it's it's the respect, like when I talk about respect, I think and I hope when I talk to young people and that the ref the respect I hold for myself is reflected in the content of of the story that I that I tell them. I had met a young influencer whose mother was Inuit and her father is white. And the content of her activism is is quite profound. Like I really like I like again she reminds me of my niece, avid reader reading content. But it's another thing to read, but another thing to experience what you've read. And and I think that's the the difference. not to criticize and and devalue her, but the reality of of it is like the performative part of it i is is the reality of it. So mm I'm going to somehow explain some things that I think are are very triggering in the sense of just the content of what people the information that people give to to people in the conversation or in the in the discourse of what the issue is. And recently the issue has been systemic racism like white supremacy and and truth and reconciliation. I know it seems like I'm repeating myself over and over again, but but there is there is a reason and a cause for my concern. And and it's for my listeners to to sort of grasp the the and maybe maybe in the sense too it it applies to your culture and the struggles that you feel when when you're the minority. I I'm just being hypothetical here. But I wanted to stress that I like I've I've lived most of my life and I just never really appreciated my stories. Like until until I met this this Wachashtawashte who was intent on listening and validating it's like like like hanging on my very words, like my story. And so that's why I keep on doing the podcast is because I I took it for granted that that how I lived was like it was just poo poo and you know, like I just I again, how like I really had to come to terms with how I valued myself. And and I and I think too a lot of times I just had a hard time letting go of self defeating f acquaintances and friends. Generations of children went through the residential schools. And each of those children who were educated were told that their lives were not as good as the lives of the non-Aboriginal people of this country. They were told that their languages, their cultures were irrelevant. They were told that their people and their ancestors were heathens and pagans and uncivilized and needed to give up that way of life to come to a different way of living. At the same time that that was going on, non-Aboriginal children in The non-aboriginal school systems of this country were also being told the same thing about Aboriginal people. So as a result, many generations of children, including you and your parents, have been raised to think about things in the in a different way, in the wrong way, in a way that is negative when it comes to Aboriginal people. And we need to change that when it comes to looking at the way that children are educated, is to understand that because it took us so many generations to get to this point. Going to take us at least a few generations to be able to say that we are making progress. And if we can agree on what that relationship needs to look like in the future, then what we need to think about is what can we do today that will contribute to that objective. So that's Stephen S-H-A-G-A-N-A-S-H's. TikToking, and that was Marie, the late Marie Sinclair. And so this Kevin says footprints on the stone is a song that confronts the hidden history and the brutal reality of Canada's Indian residential school system, a system deliberately imposed upon indigenous people, in particular the indigenous children. Residential schools sought to separate children from their families, language, culture, traditions, and identity. Generations of children were taken from their communities and subject subject ac subjected to forced assimilation, harsh discipline, inadequate living conditions, hunger, disease, neglect, and abuse. They were hidden from speaking their lay were forbidden from speaking their language or openly practicing their culture and spiritual traditions. Many children never returned home. Government authorities, including the RCMP, were at times involved in removing children from their families and communities and enforcing attendance at Indian residential school. For the parents left behind the loss was unimaginable. It has been said that after children were taken away, some mothers would return to the shore and weep over the footprints of their children had left in the sand, holding on to those last physical traces until the wind and water eventually carried them away. The image The image became the heart of Footprints on the Shore. The song attempts in some way small way to honor children who were taken from to express their grief, helplessness, and enduring pain experienced by parents, families, and communities left behind. So and again I'm not going to play that song. I just thought that what Murray Sinclair had talked about was was relevant in the in the sense that there there's a certain mindset that that we were raised in a certain attitude that I think there was one fellow who he was a lawyer and became like he was he was working driving truck and then just the attitude that how people just saw him as a stupid dumb Indian man. And he went off and got a degree I think at Harvard or Oxford Harvard I think and became this l law you know this person like very successful and wrote a lot of books and so he's inspired a lot of young indigenous people especially this young man here who's talking about this mindset and when I talk about learned helplessness I I'm not just talking about indigenous people. All people have some s form of learned helplessness. I I didn't see that until I I went to college and I had to take a a course in eliminating self-defeating behavior. And in that course I was the only indigenous person, everybody was white. And one of the exercises was to look in the mirror for five minutes, just staring at yourself. And to my amazement, a lot of the people white people couldn't do it. And and I don't know why in my mind, my mindset about white people was that that they didn't have these issues. Only indigenous people had these issues. And again, that's why I say when I'm doing a narrative and I'm trying to talk about say healthy sexuality in terms of eroticism versus limerence. And I'm talking about the the way we express our emotions in in terms of cross cultural orientation or just the narrative. like like the story, like once upon a time, like a fairy tale. It the the limerence is the fairy tale, but yet it you know it's gonna disappear. Whereas the reality, the hardcore reality of it is like the underbelly of ch trafficking pornography all those addictions and and again how how do we eliminate those things and and and to what purpose? So we have to find some balance in terms of restoring our our energy. So this fellow he his la his his name is Bear and he's a he's a lawyer. and he's a influencer. What if every time we call ourselves survivors of residential schools, we are actually training our nervous system to stay in survival mode? Something I learned from the late Harold Johnson is that our reality is created by the stories we tell ourselves. So when people would say that he was nothing but a drunk, he quit drinking and became sober. When people said he was a stupid lumberer, he went to Harvard Law and became a crown prosecutor. Our nervous system is constantly finding evidence of danger in order to protect us. And it's easy for us to find danger in the healthcare system, in the education system, the justice system as Indigenous peoples, because violent salary colonialism is evidently ongoing. So for today on National Truth and Reconciliation Day, I invite you to reflect on the story that you are telling yourself and how. That can really empower you to the person that you want to become. So not only are you a survivor, but you broke the cycle and you now have the power to accomplish anything in this world that you could dream of based on the story that you are now telling yourself. So when I say my podcast, that's the story I'm telling myself. And and it's a practice, it's it's a practice effect. There was a science fiction book that I read where it there was different different dimensions, different parallels universes. And and there was so the f you start off in this reality and you have steel wool. Now you take that and you go into the a different dimension and you're and again the reality is you're using this steel wool. So every time you use it and every time you practice using this steel wool it changes. So it becomes it morphs in from steel wool to the most precious fabric because you've been practicing it. over and over again. And and that's a science fiction narrative. But at the same time too, when I'm talking about eliminating a self defeating behavior, that's journal journaling, writing, having understanding what your self talk is. And without even knowing it that you have the self defeating talk. And and that's why when I s when I talk about healthy human sexuality, I I'm I'm talking about your thoughts on h what sexuality is. Like the the experience of of that sexual experience and and the the thought process of of eliminating whatever self destructive thought that was. And especially when you're trying to find balance and change because like with the addiction it's it's you you need to be away from certain things for at least three months to regulate your s your central nervous system. And and I I I equate that because I'm around death all the time and grieving. And and so when I say that when s when somebody passes away, especially in my community, 'cause we've known each other since childhood, I've had the opportunity to be away from my community for over, you know, like for dec a decade or so. And so but coming into my community and then when someone grieves and you go and you you go and you visit them as they're preparing for the wake and the funeral and and the person's body is is just hot because they've lost the somebody they've loved. And so it's the central nervous system kicking in. Or like when somebody's under stress and they have a migraine headache. Like there's this heat thing, this energy within our system that that gets triggered. So when I say self-defeating trigger or when you experience things and you warn people, I'm gonna talk about this, it's gonna trigger you, that's our central nervous system trying to regulate itself. And and so it's it's at the very foundation of human sexuality too, because it has to play with our identity and who we believe we are. And a lot of times too, when I didn't understand human trafficking and the grooming part of that and how and it's triggering for for young pe like for people to understand the horror that that the children who are being trap groomed go through. And how their bodies are heated up through sexual activity to prepare them and prep them to have many sexual partners within the day. Now the moral of this is that that at the end when they're preparing and grooming, the body is so hot that they have to stop that sexual activity and they put them in a room and and they wait for their bodies to cool down. And again, when I say when we lose somebody and our bodies heat up. We go through ritual and ceremony of of the wake and the burial and meeting people and hugging people and telling stories of the person we love. Now children when they're when they're being trafficked and groomed, they don't have that that like it's it's it's just horror. I I I can't comprehend it, but I I like a disassociating and all whatever psychological mechanisms they they get to protect themselves. Because because the reality is when the body is slowly cooling down, they'll they'll live. But the reality of it too is that their bodies are prepared to have many sexual partners after that. However, the danger and why we talk about murdered and missing indigenous people is that when the body cannot regulate itself, when when the central nervous system cannot regulate itself and and they're put away to have their bodies cool down, some of the bodies don't cool down and they end up dying. So we're so fragile. We're as human beings We're we're made up of so much water and energy. A and yet for some reason when we're dealing with trauma and we're dealing with horrific things we we tend to poo poo it and say it's over there, it's belongs to that other person. But yet we're all human beings and this is how we cope or not how we our bodies and our central nervous system is always trying to find that that equilibrium, that that that balance because we were all children and we all had par mothers and fathers who nurtured us. So that's why for me when I use my podcast and I say, no, s self-defeating behavior is real. But at the same time too, that self-defeating behavior could be associated to various mental health issues like borderline personality disorders. And and then you look into erotia and you look into limerence. So so all this is self defeating in the sense of like something happened and our brain and our how how we manage things is is based is based on on how the skills that we acquire or the the like because it's a it's a continuous guiding process. So that's why when I say look for a therapist and look for someone who who actually can guide you through understanding how you think because you're the responsible for self regulation and you're the one who is responsible for saying, I didn't know I was doing that. Like like for example, I I go gambling once a month. But but even then I didn't realize like like when I lose I I feel like, my goodness, I've lost but yet the reality of it is like throughout my whole life when I'm working and I'm paying all my bills and then at the end I have may have fifty bucks that's supposed to last me for two weeks and I'm going, I don't know how I survived, I don't know how I paid my bills, bought groceries, went to work, went to school I don't know how I did that, but I did. So there was this this reality like I s I managed and so somehow in in when I juxtaposition losing at gambling I'm going, No, I'm used to this. But see the reality of it is like I have income. I w what is it that I'm holding on to that I can't release w when it comes to that that balance of energy. So it it's to regulate the cent our central nervous system into thinking, why did I construct that thought and and why do I why do I and now like why did I feel so comfortable in it and rationalize it away? Or irrational making irrational thought of it. And so so it's ongoing reality of discovering ourselves. And like I said, it i some people just make a lot of money or educated without ever understanding their central nervous system and do horrific things. Yeah, th like some people have multiple personalities and they're doing these horrific things and then you've got people who are just looking, going, How did they do it? And going, No, you don't need to look at them, you've got to look inside, self reflection. Now if I can get this here. And sometimes sometimes when I do the these things here I'm I'm not I I don't realize like I like I I Missed constantly. People think spend my entire dissertation right this is talking for wellness. And it's it's this lady is in many environments the ability to stay composed under pressure is admired, sometimes even expected, but not all composure comes from calm. Some of it comes from patterns learned in moments when saying presence doesn't isn't an option. When those patterns continue into everyday life, they can shape how people handle stress, relationships, and communication with ways that we are easily to misinterpret. Understanding this distinction matters not just for individuals, but for leaders, teams, and organizations trying to build healthier and more responsive environments. Awareness creates options, and the options create change. If you you're ready to take that first step, And again, that's what I talk about in terms of eliminating self-defeating behavior. It it isn't it isn't really like you really just don't get it in the sense until you wonder, well, why did I fail that course? Or why did why didn't I complete that task? And and then you you don't because because you're not listening to that talk, that unconscious talk or that conscious talk that comes forward in in our everyday in our everyday lives. So Again, this is a lady who's talking about this and I'll I'll play it. Spent my entire dissertation writing about dissociation because it gets Oops, sorry. Spent my entire dissertation writing about dissociation because it gets missed constantly. People think dissociation has to look traumatic. Often it does. Sometimes it looks like being the calm one, the stoic one, the person who appears totally fine while something very not fine is happening, and that gets misunderstood all of the time. So what dissociation actually is. At its core, dissociation is a survival tool. When something is too overwhelming, the mind creates distance, it may numb, it may disconnect, it may make the person feel far away from. Event. Hold on, sorry. it may disconnect, it may make the person feel far away from what is happening. That can be life-saving during a traumatic event. The problem is that the brain does not automatically retire this coping strategy just because life got safer. That response made sense at one time. It just may not be helping anymore, and that is where. Therapy can be incredibly useful. Helping people recognize the pattern, understand why it developed, and build updated coping tools that fit your life now. If you're spent my So that's why I'm saying it's it's one thing to talk about it. It's like when I was sexually assaulted and I didn't and the police did come and I and interview me. But back in the day though, you the r the rights of women like there was no like nowadays when when a policeman beats up his wife and the wife calls the police and he's charged and then they go to court, she can say, I'm not going to testify against my policeman husband and they say, Well, he's you know, let it be known that we have an unfriendly witness. But see, back in the day when when people were assaulting people, there was like the There were no charges. What today, you know, when a policeman beats up his wife, he's he's charged. So so because they they understand what victimhood or what like the the aftermath of being a a victim, the psychology of it and giving space so that the person can actually, you know, collect like again their central nervous system. So when when we're talking about l eliminating self defeating behavior. And and we talk about it. Like I like I for decades I'd say, yeah, I was sexually assaulted. And the lateral violence within my community, especially amongst indigenous women, not understanding like the the coercive control that they may have been a party to, or even their own self defeating behavior, so they don't have the capacity to to debrief with you. And so like I said, I had a friend who was a a a forensic nurse and she said to me after like I told her I was sexually assaulted and she says, Well d does the person know they hurt you? And I said, Yeah, well I told him when I when he wanted me to get back into that house, I said, if you thought what you did to me, if you thought I enjoyed what you did to me, you gotta be kidding. And the first blow into my head I went unconscious. And he just pummeled me over and over again because I have like over twenty scars in my head. And I said this to my forensic friend, my forensic nurse friend, who's past now, she's deceased. And she says, Well, did you does he know he hurt you? And I thought, Well, he beat the bejesus out of me. He should know he hurt me. No, she says, No, Marina, d d have you ever said to him you hurt me? And I said, No. I said, I just assume that because he he knew he gave me a concussion that he hurt me. And she says, No, Marina, you as an individual have you have you confronted him? And so that's why I like even when I talk about victimhood or when I talk about like cultish behavior or coercive control or or women who've been battered and how the the whole notion of the narrative at at what point has the fallacy or the illusion or delusion that you've created or the disassociation of it? So so the reality was like really I I just didn't think about sitting across from the person who sexually assaulted me so violently to say to him, You hurt me. Now understand this too, when you're dealing with erotomania and and the person is that violent, because it's not sanity. This is insanity because they have the potential to kill you. Their anger is so great. I mean some victims. I know th that's why they have restraining orders because some people are a danger to themselves and others. So the reality of it is like is it safe to to cu to s to challenge the person who sexually assaulted you and say you hurt me. For for me and for many victims, you have to actually charge them, get them arrested, have them appear in court, and in court where there's a judge and and and police officers and safety. Then and only then after twenty some odd years was I able to stand in front of my s the person who sexually assaulted me. And say to him, You hurt me. And and the the reality of it is like it's just it seems like a simple thing to do and it sounds like a simple thing to do. But part of the reason I started my blog twenty years ago when I knew my niece was a danger to herself and others, and I had worked with high risk suicide teenage girls. And I also, you know, understood the the the decades that I I had fooled myself into thinking that the I was balancing my energy because I had been saying my story just like I'm on my podcast right now. Like I'm I'm telling a story. but yet I'm telling a story to people who are l who are out there. And I don't know if if you're a perpetrator, I don't know if you're a victim. Yet that's the point. The point is I would repeatedly talk over and over again. Like it's like a therapist who has their PhD who's sitting there writing And every time you you go to the therapy session they look at you and they're they're writing down something and then they say, Can you explain this? And then you write like it's a bottomless pit when you have a therapist who just lets you talk and talk and talk. No boundaries. So that's why I say you gotta shop around for for mental health workers and and you need to shop around with people who are culturally and sensitively aware. So that's why as an indigenous person I say, well I have issues with social workers and mental health workers because of that there that cross cultural training or the assumption that that they have something that other therapists don't have, which to me is a fallacy. But getting back to my narrative, it's important it's important to deconstruct, it's important to to understand self-defeating thoughts. and and even having somebody guide you through it because the the it's an open ended question. An open ended question as opposed to a closed ended question. And for a lot a long time I was using closed ended questions because it was safer to just answer yes or no. And and so part of the healing process is is to create open ended questions where the the individual has to actually talk to you and think about what they're saying. And as opposed to just yes or no. Because when you start having open ended questions and and actually having some dialogue or discourse with another human being, then you realize that your narrative means something to the person who's listening. And so that's why I'm saying like I didn't really understand this until Wachoshtawashte, this white man, is listening to me. And I've had therapists, I mean, even before I met him, I had a I was in a friendship with a for over thirty years with a forensic psychologist. So it it's like what I'm trying to say is like even in the midst of everything, I'm still healing. As old as I am, the dialogue and how I understand things is is still a process. So if you're coming across with therapists or mental health workers who seem to be like all with it, no. As human beings we're not. Totally not. Even therapists have to go to therapy. And so now I'm not too sure, but let's do let's see this here. So look at Canada's official euthanasia No, I don't wanna use that. That's a different look at when we're not careful therapy can become a mechanism for colonialism. Allow me to explain. I have a bachelor's degree in psychology and during my degree I took a course called indigenous psychology. Something that my professor said that really stuck with me and became my most important takeaway from that course is that oftentimes the objective of westernized therapy is to adjust to our circumstances so that they don't become disruptive to our development. But something that my professor said is that there are certain circumstances that we should be maladjusted to. For example, the violence that indigenous people have endured. For centuries at the hands of colonizers. And colonialism and racism and discrimination of all different forms, even beyond indigenous communities, people of color or the queer community, all of these systems of discrimination still exist today. And sometimes when we use therapy to adjust people to systemic violence, we are actually furthering the colonialist agenda by making these people passively accept the ways in which They are being harmed in society. And that is why so many therapists during this Trump administration have been coming online and saying that therapy is inherently political because it can be really dangerous when a mental health professional is practicing without understanding this. So with that, I strongly advise you if you haven't already. I'm sorry it's it's I've gotta try and get her back into Well, basically it's what I was saying before that If if you're like I I've like I like I said, I've I've been around people who all of a sudden like they but i i the Indian friend or like I I I can relate to these these artists 'cause I'm an artist and I have these Indian friends, these indigenous people, and my goodness, like look at the life, the trauma they've they've endured and I I can my heart bleeds for them type of thing. And and yet like does that does that really help? Does that does that really like let's like like I'm grateful I come across things that that are on TikTok and this lady it's A L underscore I N underscore A underscore spiral S P I R A L and and so she says like there are certain things we should be maladjusted to and and again when Like even if you're in that position and you say, Well, no, I'm I'm from there too, there there there's a cautionary tale here. That's why I'm saying it it's one thing it's one thing to think that you understand, but y you really don't. I don't know if I could even get back to to where this lady was talking, but See what this people are always telling native youth, go get educated and then come back and help your people. Nobody talks about when they go and actually do that. A lot of us have to leave the reservations to make it. To get degrees, credentials, capital, or connections. That is all by design. Policies like the Indian Relocation Act that was passed in the 1950s deliberately move Native Americans into the cities for education or even work. And it created this huge culture shock and identity gap. You go out and do everything they said. You get your degree, maybe grad school, you build skills, learn something. systems and then you come home and run into nepotism, internal politics, and people who will punish you for your ambition instead of appreciating it. I've had family and friends who had all these degrees and these giant hearts and this feeling that they want to help their people say, I had to leave to feel appreciated. Not because they didn't love home. But because their community couldn't see their value, or they just didn't have the infrastructure to support it. Meanwhile, we talk about things like economic development when we think it only pertains to casinos, oil and gas. But other nations are starting to diversify. Health care, elder care, renewable energy, tribal agricultural, food systems, tech and manufacturing, even things like coffee roasting, greenhouses. So the painful truth is. Right now a lot of our brightest and most educated Native Americans have to leave not just to succeed, but to feel respected. That is not just an individual failure, that is a systems failure. If we want real sovereignty, we can't just tell our youth to just come back and help. We have to build economies and leadership cultures that actually have a place for them when they do. When native people win, everybody wins. Like the video, follow the page, have a great day. Pee see, and that's the reality of Sutina. I mean I went away and I got my education, I paid for it. But the respect now, why am I saying this? It's because I know the difference. Like like I I went to go and talk in one of the reserves in Manitoba. And and they're progressive, they've done a lot, but the reality of it is like my childhood friend who's seventy one is still working. The reality of like elders having to work because they're they're the econom the economy of their children and their grandchildren, like their the the the job source isn't there and and their children ha didn't go out and get a degree. So but in my community because of economic development we have our young people in management and as they're in management we're they're being encouraged to go and get degrees like masters, bachelors while they're working. Which is a real big plus. At the same time too as elders like myself, I can I can live comfortably at home and and and be a knowledge keeper without the stressors of a lot of things that a lot of elderly people, indigenous people, don't don't have access to. Because again people are always telling native youth, go get like because it's just not it's just not the the the the feasible, like in terms of economic development. So things are changing and I think that's why I wanted to do my podcast is that is that like I go places now and people recognize me. And and so I have to put boundaries down. I I I I literally put boundaries down and I it it hurts me to to realise like I've I've had acquaintances that I thought I could have my narrative I could I could y like not realize like their their self defeating narrative is is destructive to me. And and even though they you know, they they're they're brokenhearted that I'm not talking to them. The reality of it is like I c I can't my energy and my sources I can't do this. I can do this in my podcast, you know, 'cause I'm doing it freely. But but in terms of therapeutic, I have I have to ask for money. I for them to understand the the knowledge that I have and for them to r appreciate and respect me is to put those boundaries down. But that's the reality. There they don't have the capacity, like I I know some of them do, but they don't have the capacity to humble themselves to say, Yes, Marina, your the therapy that I get from you is is profound. I do miss that. No, they don't have the capacity to do that. But but at the same time too, I just wanted to put that in my podcast, is that things are changing. So a lot of times when I when I talk about things that I've gone through in my community. And I didn't have access to. A lot of our young people are having that. But at the same time, too, it's important for young people to know their potential, that that they're youthful, that they have decades ahead of themselves to to do things and change their self-destructive or self self-defeating behavior, okay? Because that self-defeating behavior can turn into self-destructive behavior as well. So that balance in terms of erotoma erotomania and versus limerence and the the whole balance of energy and the addiction that that is associated with it so that you can step back and say, I didn't know I was getting involved with that type of behavior. It it's it's not a it's it's not something people are always telling it's not something where where you can actually stop it yourself like because Sometimes it's just becomes overwhelming this disassociating part of it. But I I want to go back to what this lady was saying about disassociating. But again too, I don't know why sh I'm not able to to get get I don't know why I'm not able to to get her on like Her voice can become a mechanism for colonialism. Allow me to explain. I have a bachelor's degree in psychology, and during my degree, I took a course called Indigenous Psychology. Something that my professor said that really stuck with me and became my most important takeaway from that course is that oftentimes the objective of westernized therapy is to adjust to our circumstances so that they don't become disruptive to our development. But something that my professor said is that there are certain circumstances that we should be maladjusted to. For example, the violence that indigenous people have endured for centuries at the hands of colonizers. And colonialism and racism and discrimination of all different forms, even beyond indigenous communities, people of color or the queer community, all of these systems of discrimination still exist today. And sometimes when we use therapy to adjust People to systemic violence, we are actually furthering the colonialist agenda by making these people passively accept the ways in which they are being harmed in society. And that is why so many therapists during this Trump administration have been coming online and saying that therapy is inherently political because it can be really dangerous when a mental health professional is practicing without understanding this. So, with that, I strongly advise you if you haven't already. To make sure that you connect with your therapist about what their political values are. And if they try being apolitical, don't fucking accept that shit. The first words out of my therapist's mouth during our consultation were, by the way, I support marginalized communities, I vote blue, and I just want you to know that I do vote for your rights. That's it. It's that simple. There's nothing bad about that. There's nothing unethical about that. If they're not willing to Who understands that there are certain things that we should be maladjusted to that we should not accept that should be disruptive. And that is why we need to dismantle these things and change them from the bottom up. When we're not So that's why like like the maladjusted part of it. And that's why I say I'm just tired of it. I'm tired of all these mental health workers. And like I said, I had a I was associated with a forensic psychologist for over thirty years. I had a forensic nurse who I I was friends with. like I've I've had the opportunity to be around a quite a few people who work in the mental health profession. And the disappointment or the the lack of of wherewithal like like for example like when you're in therapy and somebody s like what she says, you know, you just say it straight to the point. but some some people Like even we'll use an example, Jewish therapists will not disclose that they're Jewish because then the whole therapy session, the client starts asking them of what it f what it is what's it what's it like to be Jewish. And so even when you're brown skin or black skin and and you're there as a therapist and and the client looks at you and says, What is it like to be indigenous? What is it like to be black? What is it like? And and so and when when I talk about like there there are times when you have to have this du duality. that's why I use the the metaphor of of erotomania and limerence. There's this duality, this this dance this dance of like decolonizing we'll say or or realize like you're marginalized and and people are curious because they're sending more energy to deconstruct it than to actually deal with it. So and that's a cautionary tale because I like I'm trying to say in my podcast here. I have that skill. But yet but yet a lot of white people, mental health workers, refuse to see it. And and I think that's the cautionary tale to being a minority in Canada is that when you when you're educated and you have those skills, and I'm not saying I totally like I I'm at the point where I can publish a paper. No. I am advocating for those who have those degrees who are indigenous and who are who are minorities, the reality of it is when you're publishing a paper, that the Canadian Psychology Association may not publish it. And you'd have to go to the United States to get it published. See, there are certain things like when you say political, that that is the reality of the colonialism. And and so even the whole notion of self defeating dialogue or narrative within a voice With like even when when like that young man says, you know, it's the it's like, he was an alcoholic or he did this and he did that. So many of our young people in embrace that. They can't release it and they really believe what white people have said about them. And and so if if you're in living in poverty and you're feel destructive and you're saying, No, I I this is the way this is who I am and you're going, Why are you so angry holding on to that that that self-destructive narrative about yourself. It's a self-defeating behavior that you need to engage yourself with with self-reflection and understand where it was created and it takes a lifetime. Sometimes it's not a lifetime and I think sometimes we impose this the what they call religiosity purgatory for ourselves. When when there's w when, you know, there there is no purgatory. So Again and I use these phrases when I really don't like using such phrases w around religion because look at look at how destructive it was for so many so many indigenous people. let's see, how about this here? Neil deGrasse Tyson said probably one of the best quotes ever in relation to Trump. He said, How sad it must be believing that scientists, historians, scholars, economists, journalists would devote their entire lives to deceiving you. But a con man proven in court to be a lying felon is your beacon of truth and honesty. And it's it's probably the most accurate and the most poignant quote I've heard about Trump and just about the f the followers of Trump. It is wild to me and so sad to think that people are like just living in this world where everyone they went to school, they got PhDs, their their their sole mission is to deceive you and to try to get you to like believe something else and that Trump is the one who we should anchor ourselves to and believe everything that comes out of his mouth and not challenge him. That to me is absolutely wild. Neil deGrasse Tyson said probably one of the best quotes So again I'm not saying that I'm not saying that you know I'm I'm Trump. L like I'm I'm not s like I what I'm trying to say is that Indigenous people have accomplished so much in life. And there have been so many people who have discredited throughout the five hundred years of the contributions of Native Americ indigenous people in the Americas. And and again too, that narrative is still being still being spread. It's still people are always it's still it's still out there. It's it's something let's try this one here. No, I I here we go. White people are about 70% of the total arrests in the US. White people are about 60% of the arrests for fraud. White people are about 60% of the arrests for violent crimes. White people are about 70% of the arrests for drugs. White people are around 70% of the arrests for rape. For men, those numbers are 70%, 70%, 75%, 80%, and 96%. Despite the unsolvable mystery that is only thirty percent of the prison population, if you're statistically looking to get rid of the most crimes, you should be deporting me. Thanks. White people. So again, this whole the whole construction of politics and and the statistics of who's doing what and why. And and just the reality, like like even this what this young woman was sexually assaulted by a group of men who were in university and and in order for their punishment was to write an essay. And the the reality of it is if it were men of color that did this to to a white woman, they they would have automatically sir be in jail right now. You know, the the harshest the harshest crimes and anything just to and yet because it's white on white you can just tap them on the hand and say that's okay. A lot of a lot of things too that I think white people aren't aware of too is just the reality. Like the majority of young women who who do soft porn is eight eighteen to twenty four on OnlyFans. And the amount of men who watch and subscribe to their their OnlyFans are eighty million men who are married in the Uma in the United States. So so again, what is it saying about about bonds in relationship to to men and women? This whole notion of healthy sexuality and the need to understand ourselves. I know when I think about it and I look at the world and all its complexities, and I'm going, Well, why do I even want to even s suggest that? Why would I even want to make it some sort of reality check? Because there are so many religions who believe that Yeah, women should obey men. And there are so many countries who still allow children, men to marry children. And and yet the need for sexuality, healthy sexuality, in terms of whatever gender you are, is is a human right. So a lot of like I said, even even though I listen to white men talk about the statistics about what they themselves know. about their own race is i like it it seems like it's just go goes into thin air because people are so like angry so angry at things and and yet what are what are you what are you doing about it? What what is it that that has what what is it that we're not we're not really looking at Bill deGrasse Tyson said people are always telling me So recently updated the why so You're both I'm in love with the P O V. I I I'm sorry. It's it's sometimes sometimes when I do do go through my my things it it's it's interesting. And I I don't want to go off on a tangent too, because there there's a great mystery out there. And even though I talk about white supremacy, racism, intergenerational trauma, human trafficking, tr trying to balance our central nervous system, psychological, basic psychology, basic we'll say, living, basic but yet again they're not that basic if you've suppressed it. That's why I said it's it's one thing to have a podcast and go on and on and on. It's another thing if you're an indigenous activist who who's you know, just doing a lot of the talk in terms of literature rather than actually living it. Those are two different things too. So cautionary tale is like I I I live it. Every day I live it. and I try to get as much social media as I can in terms of like not reading material but applying it to actual things that I've gone through. Now I I'm all it's almost an hour, but I wanted to do something a a little different. And and I don't know if you'll have the time to go on about listening to it, but it is important and it might you might say, What kind of woman is she? One minute she makes sense and the next minute she doesn't. So here, listen to this one. But you might think I am after I tell you what happened to me today. So I was on my way to work as we all do in New York City. And I took the train as we all do in New York City. So I go down into the subway station and it's a long platform, just waiting there for my train. I look over and you know you it's pretty far away but you can see How other people are coming down into the station. I see this guy. And right away there was something off about him. He wasn't walking like a normal person. it wasn't like he, you know, had some kind of disability or anything like that. It was more like someone who didn't know how exactly To make their motions look natural, if that makes sense. Like his motions were very mechanical, like they were it's almost like if you had to think before you moved your hand or your arm every time you walked, or you had to think every time you took a step. It was very much like that. Like someone just kind of learning how to maneuver. But this was a grown man. So It was a bizarre sight, so he is walking towards me, in my direction and I look close at him and his, you know, face was a little strange. he had darker features but like darker complexion, but his features were very much sharp, if if that makes any sense. They they weren't They weren't very ethnic. They weren't even very European. They were just very, very sharp features. Sharp nose, sh sharp jaw. Anyway. So he looks a little bizarre. Big deal. This is New York, right? You just, you know, shrug it off. And that's what I was prepared to do. As he walks past me, he gets a few feet past me, and I remember thinking in my head. Okay, it's all in my head. I go, I think, wow, that guy's an alien. Said it only in my head. The second I had that thought, this guy or thing, whatever it was, stopped dead in his tracks. And he whipped around to look right at me. And the look on his face was one of just pure like. shock awe astonishment horror it was very much like shit and he's looking at me and I'm looking at him and there's another guy off to the side of me so all of a sudden this dude is kind of seeing the the tension between me and this other guy and it's like what what's happening here right for him I'm looking at him he's looking at me And I think in my head, again, you're an alien, and I know you're an alien. When I thought that, this guy whatever fuck you want. This man, the second I had that thought, he freaks out and runs and runs right out of the station. So much so everyone else that was waiting on the train was like, what is this guy running to? And why is he running in that weird way? Because he had just come into the station. So if he was just a random whatever, he would have just burned up a fare for no reason. But that second thought, right then, this dude ran out of there like he was fucking You ever seen Kermit the Frog run? It was something like that. Okay? I don't I don't I don't say this lightly. I don't expect anybody to believe my ass. All I can tell you was it was seven-ish in the morning. I was not inebriated in any fashion. I I I got a good night's sleep. I don't remember being sleep deprived at all. So yeah. That that was fucking weird, man. The whole ride my whole ride to work I was thinking about that. The whole day I was thinking about it. It it it it makes the hairs on my arm stand up. Because what okay That guy, that motherfucker was not real. Or that guy was an E.T., a fucking telepath, or he just happened, just happened to be a weird guy who just happened to make all of his reactions in perfect timing with the things I was thinking and not saying. Because I was thinking it. I wasn't saying it. Okay? And this person picked up on it like that. You would have thought I screamed it at him. It it it was the oddest thing. And I've had a lot of odd things happen to me in the subway. you know, native New Yorkers, everyone has Subway stories, but this shit takes the cake for me. Alright? 'Cause I've seen all types of weird stuff, but it usually involves strange humans. This shit might have involved an alien. Masquerading as a human being. Because how the f how did this guy know to stop right then when I had that thought? And turned to me with that look in his face like he definitely heard me. And then when I have that other thought, he loses his mind, like his cover's blown, and he fucking books it out of there, burning up an entire fair. And this guy wasn't he wasn't like he didn't look homeless or anything like that. In fact, he looked more like trying to look like a business person. He had a tie and a dress shirt. the dress shirt didn't really fit him right because he was he was kinda tall. He was like six one, six two ish, but skinny. Skinny dude. And like I said, he didn't know like like his his movements were very they were very odd. They were very unnatural. But he didn't look like he was disabled or anything like that. He di he didn't look like he was homeless or anything like that. This guy tr looked like a thing trying to look like a normal person. And and All I can say is that if if he's in if some weird paranormal shit isn't involved in this, and I look I'm gonna concede it's very implausible that that's the case, but how implausible is it when the alternative is just it's a massive coincidence? I mean, I I I wonder if anybody else has encountered this. You ever thought had a thought and then felt like Another person picked up on it almost instantaneously like that. Like somebody you don't know. You know, like a total stranger. But yeah man. That happened today, and I'm telling you, I will never ever forget that guy or that thing, that being, whatever it was. And I if he's watching, you know, d live long and prosper, bruh. I don't you know. The reason I I put that up is because when I was nineteen and I ran away to Vancouver, I think it was probably like probably about a week after I turned eighteen, I was panhandling with some the people that the other young people that I was with. And this fellow walks by and like I said, it like what he said, it just like he read my mind or I read his mind and He he he was with this tall, tall fellow. Now th the reason why the tall fellow stood in my mind it was like as if he was his bodyguard or that this fellow was some sort of royalty or leader and so this older per person this taller guy was protecting him or really attentive to him. So they're they're walking by and I thought I I recognized there was something quality in him. I don't know if it was the eyes or something and I wanted him to turn around because I just couldn't believe like the intensity or something. There was something, like as this fellow said, it You know, he just it was just like coincidental that he thought like this guy is an alien. Well for me, the thought wasn't this guy is an alien, was this it was the thought like turn around, I I need to see this. So he he he goes to the end of the the like we were on city w street and he goes to cross the intersection and and as this fellow said, the fellow just looks scared. Now th the fellow that I like it was immediate as if he heard what I said. he immediately turned around to look to see who was g who was asking him to turn around. And and then he he proceeded to cross the street And the tall fellow that he was with at the once they crossed the street he he started talking to him just like as if like what's going on and and I could hear h I could see him looking at the guy and he was he was a little taller than than he was a little smaller than the taller guy. And so the tall guy looks at my direction and they're both looking at my direction. And I thought, okay, you know, 'cause I asked again in my mind, turn around. So I just thought, okay, it's coincidental 'cause he's actually turning around and actually having a dialogue with this taller guy of what he h he heard me say in my mind. In my mind. Like just like what I said this fellow that I just played, how how it was just either coincidental that this was happening, whether or not he was an alien. I again I just thought it's a human condition. Like especially when you go through ritual and ceremonies and and this is great mystery. I just like in my culture I just thought it was normal. So and again for non indigenous guy, 'cause he he was white. This guy was white. And and so I just thought, Okay, chalk it up coincidental and I saw them walk across the other side of the street and and I thought, Okay, well that was strange, but at least it happened, at least he noticed that I in my mind I said turn around like 'cause I wanted to look look at his eyes 'cause there was something about him him his facial so Yeah. I w I was with the group, there were three all together there were four of us, we were panhandling. We go into the restaurant, we were because we were standing outside the restaurant if as this man and this fellow walk by. Now I don't know if I can't remember the the if I anyway I just noticed like like I said, there there was something about him that I wanted him to turn around so I could look at him. So we go into the restaurant and we sit and I'm sitting looking towards the door. And and I thought, well I just like I had seen these two men, they walked across the street, walked over to the other side of the street, and I thought that's it. You know, like strange phenomena, Abercadabra, it's gone. Get into a restaurant, I'm sitting there looking, waiting for like to we ordered food and all of a sudden he comes walking in to the restaurant and with his the tall fellow. And as soon as he sees me, it's just like a bolt of lightning. He just he just turns around and walks out h walks right into his friend's chest 'cause he was so I think I don't know if it was if he was scared or what, but he walked right into h his companion's chest and and his companion kind of looked around like puzzled like, What what scared you? And they walked out of the restaurant. Now why why I'm saying this is because again, I will never forget this because I without going into any further elaboration on this, a couple of weeks later and a and throughout the month, I I managed to actually hook up with this fellow. And the experience in terms of we'll say him were you know, like my thoughts and his thoughts like Spock, you know, like in Star Trek my mind to your mind, it it was intense. And and so I think that's probably why when I do my podcast and when I talk about the human experience or just the energy and and the like to be protective and reflective and healing is because we don't know who's out there. This great mystery of meeting other human beings because we don't know their capacity or their gifts and what they what they're going to give us. And and so even though it's a cautionary tale, I I find that is It's so revealing because I think in some in some ways maybe maybe because of conditioning, learned helplessness or self defeating behavior as human beings, we we don't realize that there's this great mystery out there. So so that's why when I talk about protecting yourself rever and and making sure that like because whoever you're meeting, you don't know if they're hearing your thoughts or your or your thoughts are influencing them. So you want to you want to make sure that it's done in a good way so that you're not hanging prayers or wishing bad or praying bad for somebody or wishing that they would die. Because those things have a lot of power. And and so when it's self-defeating behavior and and you're owning it, then you're protecting yourself, you're protecting those self-defeating behavioral thoughts to other people. innocent people, especially youth. And again, that's probably just from my own experience. And that's why when I talk about mental health workers, that that the responsibility of how you influence your clients is can be so profound and so hurtful. And that you that even if you think you're doing a good job, you could be damaging people. So because again it w this was just a complete stranger. You're like this like like I said, this this fellow said he didn't know if this guy was an alien, but it was just the way he was walking. There was something different about him. And and again too, throughout my life and all the many men that I've met I I didn't realize I'd been searching to look for him again. But I I can tell you one thing. I have never met anybody like him and I don't believe I ever will ever meet somebody like him. Because again to I I'm I took it further because we did have a sexual experience and the experience was different than anything that I've ever experienced. So that's why I'm saying I really don't want to be searching for for somebody like him because Because it it was just something that that was gifted to me. And in some ways, I believe I gifted him as well. Trying to find some balance in the making sense of why we're here on this earth. So for me in my podcast and and what I what I tried to talk about in terms of holding space and and honoring and ha show under on honoring yourself, knowing who knowing your worth, knowing the self respect that you carry within yourself. Because without knowing it in some way, you you don't want to hurt somebody. And and so when you're protecting yourself, you're also protecting that person that you're having thoughts of, as well as you're also releasing them from any burden or any commitment that that you wish they would have, but but you know that's not yours to to to control or or manipulate or have some sort of coercive control over. So with that I wanted to leave that with you, but like I said, there was more hap there more ha more happened. More happened with me and w we'll call this person this person that I met. And like I'm just grateful like this fur this person he call his handle in TikTok is called Library Monster. And he, you know, I again I've seen so many things in life in terms of what they call that when a group of people have a psychotic break, I've s mass mass hysteria or mass hallucination or all things that that people in a group experience. Like I've I've seen so much in in the sense of of allowing or giving myself permission to be involved in things. And at the same time too, it's it's coming out of that and healing from it too. So we have a responsibility to honor whatever creator and the grandfathers and grandmothers give us to to as a life lesson, as well as to share it. So in some ways my podcast is is doing just that. I share the experience that I've lived and and try to get people to understand There's a huge plan out there. We don't know what it is, but we have to be mindful of each other. With that, have a good day, and we'll see and hear from you next time. Bye.