Healing begins through self-reflection, respect, education, and honest conversations about power, gender, and relationships.

Thank you for sharing this transcript. It covers a wide range of deeply personal and social themes, but several core ideas appear throughout. Main Themes 1. Intergenerational trauma and residential schools Marina repeatedly returns to the impact of Indian Residential Schools on Indigenous families and communities. She argues that trauma experienced by survivors did not end when the schools closed. Instead, it influenced later generations through family relationships, parenting, addiction, violence, and community dynamics. 2. Indigenous women and patriarchy A central argument is that Indigenous women are often undervalued compared to Indigenous men, particularly elders and ceremonial leaders. Marina describes situations where Indigenous men receive greater recognition, authority, and compensation, while Indigenous women doing similar work receive less respect. 3. Respect versus status Throughout the talk, Marina distinguishes between: Respect that is earned through consistency, boundaries, and character. Status based on reputation, ceremony, titles, or public admiration. She suggests that many people confuse the two. 4. The attention economy and online personas Using the discussion about pornography, influencers, and social media, Marina reflects on how people create public identities and cultivate attention online. She connects this to broader questions about authenticity, human connection, and how people present themselves to others. 5. Grief, attachment, and love The section about being emotionally attached to someone who never officially became a partner serves as a reflection on unfulfilled relationships. Marina uses it to explore loyalty, longing, respect, and the emotional realities of being single later in life. 6. Healing and self-understanding Despite discussing trauma, discrimination, and loneliness, the overall message is not hopeless. Marina repeatedly emphasizes: Self-reflection Education Mental health Patience with oneself The possibility of healing Tone and Perspective The transcript is highly personal and conversational. Marina speaks from: Her lived experience as an Indigenous elder. Her observations of family and community history. Her work with youth, social issues, and advocacy. Many of her conclusions are presented as personal interpretations rather than universally established facts. The transcript blends personal testimony, social commentary, cultural observations, and reflections on relationships. Key Takeaway If the transcript has a single underlying message, it may be this: Trauma that is left unexamined can be passed from one generation to the next, but healing begins through self-reflection, respect, education, and honest conversations about power, gender, and relationships. Despite discussing painful experiences, Marina ultimately argues that life is worth living, that respect is real, and that meaningful healing remains possible even later in life.

Marina Crane (00:01.576) good morning. It's October twenty sixth, twenty twenty-six and it's snowing. Imagine a month ago, I was like, yes, no forest fires. July, like geez. I'm glad it's snowing because there's no smoke in the air. Even though the air is cold, it's still fresh air. Now, I don't wanna be complaining about stuff, but hey, I'm gonna head off to a meeting this afternoon and you know the past twenty-four hours, like I most of the people that I do talk to are females. And you know, I shouldn't say you know, because patriarchy is so entrenched in indigenous realities. Like it's just it's so profound. And and yet for my education and my understanding and my lived knowledge, the respect or the unrespect or the disfellowship or just the way people treat indigenous women, not just me. Okay. Because like and I've said this before and I and And until I had some closure with Nathan Chasinghorse, it was always profound for me how women could support such a man or how women could sort of label me as being a pedophile like Nathan Chasinghorse or like my my brother. I o it it always amazes me that people would categorize me in in s in in the other. Like look over there, that is her. Okay, so What what's happening in terms of of just how people perceive my persona like even even here on on my livestream. Acting ourselves so the modern business of porn. So here's see and and the thing too is like I I want you to understand, until the pandemic I didn't know people could have access to porn. Marina Crane (02:21.12) a lot of seniors that I talk to who their grandch children use their phones like they're like I'm not an expert in this. I'm I tell you I'm not. But even people are amazed like, well you do podcast at your age and no, there's certain things that I've done in my life that like that I just do. Like doing this podcast helps me too. in terms of like Alzheimer's or dementia, my mental health. So I want to play this this one recording and she's it's called New Statesman and O L I D U G O R E and wh it's it says Who really creates the attention economy? Patricia Nielsen, author of Guilty Pleasure this is the whole thing is like insight into the like it it's important to understand any conversation that includes dopamine or like like the anything to do with addiction or even the relationship we have with our devices, like our phones. Really, like I'm single and my phone is with me twenty four seven. So this really hits home for me But at the same time too, like I didn't understand the whole nature of porn. But this particular video, this particular audio video or TikTok that I'm going to share with you is is the basis of of this my character, my my who I am on my podcast or how things are created for the listener. And and for me, I'm coming across as an indigenous elder that can have a distinction between indigenous people like there's a there there's no fine line. It's a strict line where you where you have children who are like in their late seventies now who were children at the time when you had they had white caregivers in those Indian residential schools who beat them, tortured them and even killed them. Now I'm at the age where it would have been my parents and even in the seventies when they were having residential schools, some of those residential schools by then Marina Crane (04:46.816) at the end of them terminating were run by indigenous people. So a lot of the things that you see with with young people in their twenties, forties and fifties are is a result, in my opinion, of indigenous on Indigenous. And there there is when it's white people terrorizing indigenous children, th there the distinction is so is so concrete. But people don't want to look at it that way. They want to glorify the patriarchy. and and I'll talk about this after this video because I just wanted to get this out and about before I l I leave for my meeting, because it's it's common amongst indigenous female elders. This isn't this isn't something that I cooked up. My whole life I've seen Women, indigenous women and white women, glorify a lot of indigenous men. Either they're educated or they've succeeded in being a chief or something. And without even knowing that these people they're following have a lot of hatred towards women and white people. That because they created this persona. Now, we see it in different forms in media, but I wanted to play this. The modern business of porn. Now if I can I the modern business of porn. and for the life of me it's sometimes I I just I know I've gotta hook up my PA s my work system, my speaker system, because it it's been sort of it's been bastardized, what can I say? It's okay, let's do this. It's not Marina Crane (06:43.978) It's about attention. and I think that that is, you know, my what what I've come what I've come to believe is that, you know, watching porn that is you know stimulating a psychosocial need by watching or staring at content that has been algorithmically engineered to arouse you and doing so alone, that is That is what we do on our phones, you know, it is the perfect metaphor for our relationship with our phones. And this is not a coincidence because you look at a lot of the technologies that are are enabling you know companies to to capture us in this way, they're coming from from early porn pioneers. And so some some of these things are, you know, like talking about like live streaming or or instant payments or you know tracking, affiliate marketing, I mean all of these things were sort of, you know, porn sites for early laboratories for for these types of technologies. But there's another there's another very important I don't know development as well, which is which is how we relate with each other and ourselves on the internet. And so the first people who started creating online personas, you know, the first people who started thinking about this this strange this weird thing which is sort of second nature to us today which is that we were projecting ourselves you know onto the world. The first people who started doing that were cam models. I mean the first cam site was was founded in 1994 and so camming is you know camming comes from a webcam it is when you have a sex worker sat in front of a webcam interacting with a customer who is you know often Marina Crane (08:45.132) on the other side of the world. and and these these yeah, these camels were sort of the first who start who had to start thinking about how can I attract attention, you know, how can I monetize this attention? How can I fulfill the fantasies that the person on the other side of the screen you know, wants to believe about about themselves. And so These types of relationship, this type of parasocial intimacy, is you know, this is what we today call the influencer economy and then the content create a content creator economy. So the reason I'm saying this too is because like like I've grown up with the Calgary Stampede and and I've you know I've grown up like like I did go to Indian residential school and like I explained, I went to day school too when I was five. And then I w was integrated into the the city system, so I it was always around white people. And I tried and I'm trying to get you to to get a gist of it. Because when I talk about white people, I'm not talking about white people in the sense of my hating white people. I I'm trying to get like the content of it. There are people who have lived in isolated communities where these isolated communities had Indian residential schools. In these Indian residential schools, some of them had bob wire around them. And and the white people who worked there terrorized these children. I my mum and my aunties and all that generation were part of that, that the way they were terrorized. Now when they left, I really think that they thought that Marina Crane (10:41.516) They wouldn't have to deal with Indian residential schools because they were closing them down. They didn't really close them all down because they sort of morphed into like educational systems like in in St. Paul's, Alberta, and good around Cold Lake, where the residential school was being run by other indigenous people. there's there is a difference too when you come into day schools where you have indigenous people terrorizing other indigenous people. Now there's a distinction because when people say, well these Indian residential schools and I'm going, no, step back. Take a look at his historically. I'm 74. There are people who are older than me that are 79 and 80 who were when they were just kids they were terrorized and brutalized by white people. Now I use myself as an example. When I first found out my Christian name was Marina and the teacher said your Indian name is Hapa It was like a a dialogue with all the students and even my own brother Cheske whose Christian name was Larry. We all like it was a it was all like everybody noticed. All the kids were there and even to this day people who were there witnessing still call me Hapa, my Indian name. 'Cause it's gender, okay. It's gender, it's also what they call it, extended family, like it's it it has it has to do it's it has to do with relationships. It it isn't it isn't something some name giving holy ceremony that elevates you into some mystical position of power. like I like I mean there's so much dogma in in the fantasy of the noble savage. And the reality of it is like and I try to make the distinction Because those people like my parents and my grandparents, they they deserve the respect. I'm not saying to poo-poo them. I'm just saying the terror that they f experienced, the psychological repercussions of it created indigenous on indigenous. And like Marina Crane (12:59.226) I'll use an example. My uncle died, they gave him a state funeral. But my uncle was a re a product of Indian residential school. the same with my aunt. I have a younger uncle who passed away when he was thirty five, didn't go to Indian residential school and you can see the stark difference in behavior. So my older my uncle, the one who was older, he terrorized his children. Like you can ask any you can ask my cousin and he will tell you the truth of how brutal his father was to him. Now the brutality for me with my father being an alcoholic was that I wished him bad. Like I I like I didn't I I knew him when he was sober, but but I I I wished that he wouldn't I wish he would stop drinking because he was a holy terror. And a lot of people, a lot of indigenous people have murdered people when they're drunk. Now I'm not saying my father had the capacity to do that because he just went into the city when he drank and never came and bothered us. There was a a conscious effort for my father not to be around the people he loved and those who loved him. But mind you, he, you know, when my older brother was just when we were just growing up, I would see my brother my father beat up my brother. but I didn't see it afterwards. There was more of an aband abandonment. Now when when I'm arguing with other people who are claiming, look at all these young people, they're all marching wearing the color orange and they're protesting and you know, they want people to realize like these children were terrorized. Yes, but some of these children are still alive. Like I said, they're in their late seventies. And and the reality of it of it is like I I'm not like that. See so if I'm like say we'll use the concept of reading Comprehension and then analysis. Because I've taken literature and I I know I I can't help but but not be myself. However, I want you to understand the distinction. When somebody's been traumatized, the the reading and the comprehension, there's no analysis. That analysis part is gone because they because of that trauma. Marina Crane (15:20.692) And so what is it like? So so I'm saying like my uncle brutalized his children. My father was was a horrible drunk. my father later in his life when he just refused to come home when he was drinking, had a had a was was bisexual from and again I in my opinion, this is just my opinion, I believe men are bisexual. human sexuality. W I I talk about it in my podcast. I talk about it here. But I want you to make the distinction too, because understand this. When the first industrial school was created in Alberta, oil was discovered. Now a lot of a lot of the sort of the romance or the white person wanting to be allies with indigenous people, it was because, you know, the Indian agent would write the little ticket for the people in Treaty Seven to come in and, you know, camp at the Calgary Stampede. That was the only w reason, you know, p indigenous people were allowed to leave in in the Treaty Seven area. Now next year is gonna be the 150th anniversary. And a lot of the things that happen to children in in the Treaty Seven area, like there are so many residential schools. And I I think a lot of our Indigenous youth, and I'm saying under the age of fif fifteen under, have never been around didn't have curriculum in terms of the histories of indigenous people. And like I like I I I tell people, it it's one thing for our youth to to walk and wear the orange shirts and you know rally around and say, look at this is what really happened in Indian residential school. It morphed into something horrific. And I think to be in denial, like you like you have white people denying that these atrocities happened, but you also have people who are fifteen under who are indigenous denying Marina Crane (17:24.688) That it was indigenous upon indigenous, because that trauma was created. And an example would be you look at Nathan Chasinghorse. And I'm you I've used him as an example because for for me it was the equation of and the complexity of who and how was Nathan Chasing Horse created. Now, this over this weekend when I was working with a youth retreat. And and there was an elder seventy nine year two elders seventy nine. Now you gotta understand too, these these elders, people worship the ground they walk on. White people in the city of Calgary worship the ground these men walk on. They will pay them big dollars, mileage, accommodation, hotel room, everything. And I try and say this to people, especially indigenous men who are working for white companies in the city. I said, When you offer me as An indigenous woman or any indigenous woman, any indigenous elder woman, tobacco, pay them good, pay them the same way you pay indigenous men. They will not do it. They will give a thousand dollars to an indigenous man who's doing smudge, and they'll offer an indigenous woman maybe three hundred or a hundred and fifty. Now, even when you go into these and you're in and and you you you're expected to pray, the tension The tension is so great. I say to people, when you offer me tobacco and I come into the room, there are gonna be indigenous people, young women and men, who are gonna project project their hate towards indigenous women onto me, even though they don't know me. You need to protect me. Now they kind of ha ha, I don't believe it. I'm going, No, you've seen it. You've seen how young people talk at me when I'm in these meetings and it's brutal. And you're not protecting me? Whereas if it were a man, like I there was a indigenous man, a blackfoot man, who saw it and didn't even and there was a Cree man too, didn't say nothing, just allowed these two young people, both men and woman, to treat me with disrespect. Now, if it were an indigenous elder man, they wouldn't do that. They wouldn't. Because of patriarchy, because they hold some sort of sacred status. Marina Crane (19:46.796) Because they're giving names, indigenous names to their clients or people who are attending the meetings because they want to look like their allies or cohorts, even they themselves who are indigenous, because they want to reconnect to their indigenous culture. Bless their hearts. Like I said, this is happening in this generation here, 50 years and under. Now I'm 74 and I'm saying, no, you've got to look at it this way. Those elder people that you're giving and ha and worshiping the ground they walk on. Like I've seen it my whole life. I've seen indigenous men my age, even younger, where people just, you know, worship the ground they walk on. You have indigenous and white women following these men. You won't have them following women. You will have them you won't have men following women. Like I'm not a cult leader, and I'm using it as an example. You will not see young men following me. But you will see young women or in white or indigenous following indigenous men. I've seen it. My mum's own first cousin came to the door, my mum's door. He's as old as my mum, and he had a twenty-five-year-old blonde woman because she was following him, because he's supposed to have some sort of sacred power. And I'm going, talk to me. I'm an indigenous woman. That man who came with that white girl to my door, my mom's door He's my uncle. Marina Crane (21:15.34) And I and I I had an uncle, like w you know, when it comes to sexuality and the horniness of of of indigenous men, my uncle, right until the day, like even as a as an elder, he was you know, he was still chasing after women. And they were still, you know, Filipino, white, you name them still, you know, worshiping the ground he walks on. I have a niece who who's who's in a a r sexual relationship with a man old enough to be her uncle. And that that man doesn't give a shit about my niece. He's got white women that he sleeps with in the city of Calgary. He's got his own little harem. But does my niece know? My does my niece even want to re look at the reality of who she's who she's sleeping with? No. Because it's nice. It's like, you know, like the fairy tale, Disneyland and all that crap. All based on sex. So why am I so why am I doing this damn podcast? Well So many indigenous women who've worked who are social workers, who've worked with child apprehension, who've worked just to just to try and prosecute pedophiles, who you know, like the the the nastiness of women and men and the horrors that they do to their indigenous children. Like I like like when I talk about youth and I say you y in the retreat they should have had two spirited y artist talking to the youth. I said, because it's one thing for an indigenous woman to talk about family violence and and if you have people who've seen their grandparents living in it their grandmothers, their aunts, their unc their their mums, their sisters, they're not gonna listen. But if you have a two-spirited person who's talking about the violence they experienced in real time, in real life, then they start processing human sexuality. And and it it makes them realize like like there's no fairy tale out there. There's no Disneyland out there. There are there are children Marina Crane (23:24.382) as the common age is fourteen that are being trafficked i in in Alberta here. Okay, so how how do we how do we say to these young people, you know, the that you've got your phone and you've got you know, you're creating these personas just like I do on my podcast, you're creating these personas and you think you're safe when you're not, because you don't have the skills to to discern, you know, whether a person is bad or good. And again, too, who's teaching them? Who's who's saying, you know, raising the red flag? Especially when you have organizations in the city who will refuse to hire two-spirited indigenous young people to work with indigenous youth. Or you you have organizations in the city who will worship the ground of of the indigenous man who ha who has an indigenous woman who whose wife is silent. And the indigenous person, whoever they are, are name givers. They will give names. There's one organization in the city where the entire female staff has indigenous names because this indigenous man gave them these indigenous names and he gets paid big money. Now th the difference is, and this is what I'm trying to say, when I was told my name was Marina instead of Hoppa, there I wasn't slapped. I wasn't slapped for saying, No, my name is Hop Pop. I was quite defined. I knew who my who I was. But I n my parents never told me I had a Christian name when I went to school the first day. But it's so different when you have an elderly man who's like five, six years older than me in an isolated in in Indian residential school where you have the same person saying, This is my Indian name, and you have a white person saying no, this is your Christian name. The only difference is the teacher in that Indian Marina Crane (25:18.2) Indian residential school beat, beat, slapped, brutalized this young man, this child. Because I was a child too when I found out like I I had a Christian name. And and the fact that they they they brutalized this this boy and imprisoned him in the attic and he had to run away. See the terror of it, I never experienced that. Didn't But the terror of it, even re being returned back to those Indian residential schools where you had white people beating beating and like even killing Indi indigenous children, that has to have a certain fear in it. And I talk about that with my late mother. My mother was afraid of white people. Now how how it comes apart part how it's manifested comes around in different ways. See my mother when she'd go into the hospital and the white doctor would say, What's your pain threshold? She'd say three when it was actually eight because she was fawning. She didn't want to b offend the white doctor. So like that's part of of of that fear because she was brutalized by white people. Now how is it with indigenous men? Because again, you know, you have to show emotion and you know, that fear and like there's a lot of resentment. A lot of resentment. My like I said, my uncle was brutalized in residential school and he terrorized all of his children. I know my father was brutalized in residential school by white people. And I know he had you know, he was he terrorized my older brother and he would terrorize us coming home drunk and we'd have to hide. But the brutality of physical assault he didn't do. He d he tried, but then he he just he would have the sense to s just drink away from home. But my uncle, he stopped drinking and he was still a holy terror with his children. And he was a politician, elevated, patriarchy. Marina Crane (27:19.434) So so it was condoned and that's why you have elderly men now hitting their eighties who have that mentality about white people. and I and I use it very very I I'm making it very mild. Like I grew up with white people my whole life, even like six years old. I went to school. I mean for f the first when I was five I was around indigenous people. So I knew and I and I at even at eight when I was in an Indian hospital, I knew the pr brutality of indigenous upon indigenous. but I but I was when I went into the city schools it it was more of ignorance, systemic racism, the the lack of of understanding what it is to be indigenous, whereas you know had white kids, if they liked you because you were a cute little Indian girl, they they wanted to fight you. So, you know, I grew up I grew up fighting, physically fighting. and you know, again I was quite a a tough little ranked child. But most most of p most of the kids in my community had to be 'cause we were bust into the city. And but the reality of it is like You know, when we had white kids saying, you can make it rain or, you know, you've got these supernatural powers, today it's just the great mystery, right? Everybody has everybody's gifted. But supposedly people are open minded about it today. I like and if you're not, well, shame on you. 'Cause everybody has psychic abilities. Everybody. It's part of the great mystery of life. However, as a child Marina Crane (29:05.042) when you have white people projecting that on you and you're saying, you know, like if you're foolish enough not to understand that you're a human being too, then you could believe that I could make it rain. And if they're silly enough to carry that pff like to believe it so, you know, if they say, Okay, make it rain, I said, Okay, in two y two days I'll make it rain and it doesn't rain. So what does that prove? I don't have power to make it rain. But the for you know, for two days they believed it. And that's what I'm talking about. Those were childish notions. But but but if you hate white people to the point and they've been brutalizing you and you have that pain and you haven't processed it, you can't analyze. So you in instead instead of instead of like after two days and they realize you can't make it rain, i i it the analyzing part of it, you still persist that you have that power. And and you keep on grow you keep on going and treating white people like that until you're elderly. So, you know, you have a group of people who actually believe, this person's sober, this person can smudge, this person has a pipe. All that. Like that they that's indigenous on indigenous, brutalizing indigenous people or or putting down indigenous people so you can get ahead. And and that's the nature of Nathan Chasing horse. That that is the nature of of the Indian residential school after they were closing those brutal when they after they brutalized young people. Those young people who grew up to become parents became became their own worst enemy because that's all they knew. That's all they were taught in those isolated communities when you had white people beating them up. That's all they knew. It's not their fault. But the but the repercussions of it in society today is is shown when you have organizations paying thousands of dollars for the same thing an indigenous woman can do in terms of smudging is outrageous. And the fact that they would sooner look at an indigenous man as having these holy powers who've never been educated, who've never gone to university, who've never studied psychology. Marina Crane (31:28.438) to be dismissed. And and for me, like I said, my whole life has been dedicated to being a like working with my own self when I was a youth, studying psychology, working with high risk suicide girls, dealing with just the systemic racism, the lateral violence of the brutality that communities have towards Indigenous women. And I talk about the the class, the caste system, C A S E T E, and just the the the whole hierarchy. of how whi indigenous women are treated. And the reality of it is like when you're educated and you've worked off reserve amongst white people and you've never been brutalized by a white person when you were a child, say you were just brutalized by another indigenous person like your parent. I'm just very fortunate that I didn't have that with my grandparents. My grandparents were loving grandparents. I mean, I had my aunts and uncles and my parents talk about their parents, like 'cause it was, you know, like coming from those places it was indigenous on indigenous. And and to to have that legacy perpetuated within communities is is the the reality of what created psychopaths or sociopaths like Nathan Chasinghorse. And and borderline personality disorders. And you know just cults. So people say, well, what is a cult? Well like I said, there were I've grown up in the Treaty 7 area. I've seen political leaders. I've seen like it's a cult. Like women both native and non-native worshiping the ground of indigenous men. Indigenous men who I've grown up with. Some of them I've grown up with. And I'm going, what do you see in them? Marina Crane (33:27.106) What is it that they possess that I possess, but yet you worship them, but you don't see me with my strengths? And it's j not just me, I'm using this as an example. A lot of indigenous women who who have worked to help protect Indigenous children have struggled, have struggled to protect these children. And and even how white professionals demean these indigenous women. That's why I when I talk about mental health and I talk about publishing psychological papers and that even the Psychology Associ Association of Canada will not publish. Again, what do they have against indigenous scholars, especially females of any color? So even that too in my podcast, when I have white people listening to my podcast and wanting to have some engagement with me, I'm very particular. I'm I wasn't born yesterday. My support system and who I talk to and how I engage with other indigenous women is is very strong. It you know, I I've gone through my my I've gone up to my neck with allies, white women allies, you know, like it just sickens me. Because, you know, you can song do the song and dance. I'm not gay. Okay? I'm not I'm not bisexual. I'm not asexual either. I the process of of being in love with with one person, like the the just the reality of of how a person either copes or doesn't cope with with what's the word I'm trying to grieving. It's it has to do with grieving because Marina Crane (35:24.28) There's there's a part there's a part in in the whole process of healthy human sexuality that I think is really poignant if I can so much as find it. Ugh yes. let's see here. Marina Crane (35:51.183) Sorry. I keep on doing this to you, and I I I'm sorry that I do these things. Let's see what's this. let's see. This is Marina Crane (36:10.636) That the one thing that I very, very misunderstood is that why we are so strong is because we are attached to our mother. The greatest power there is is peace. The people who are not from this land will never find true peace because they're not with their mother and they're looking for something, and they think that power is having that might over right. Might over what's right. They think that having power. And riches and such is going to find them peace, but that's not, they don't even realize that they're looking for peace. When you're in a position where you're being beaten down, if you are connected to your mother, it's not riches that you're looking for, or it's not to make the other person feel what you're feeling. You just want peace. Because if you want peace, you can only find it within yourself. The only way you're gonna respect yourself and understand yourself is if you have respect for your mother. And what's happening is they cannot take that peace from way deep down inside of us. Marina Crane (37:25.368) So that's from Red Media. I think that the one thing that is very, very misunderstood is that why we are so strong is because we are attached to our mother. The greatest power there is is peace. The people who are not from this land will never find true peace because they're not with their mother. And they're looking for something. And they think that power is having that might over right. Might over what's right. They think that. That having power and riches and such is going to find them peace. But that's not. They don't even realize that they're looking for peace. When you're in a position where you're being beaten down, if you are connected to your mother, it's not riches that you're looking for, or it's not to make the other person feel what you're feeling. You just want peace. Because if you want peace, you can only find it with. yourself the only way you're gonna respect yourself and understand yourself is if you have respect for your mother and what's happening is they cannot take that peace from way deep down inside of us. So Red Media and its people who are not from this land will never find peace because they are not with their mother. Celebrate and related Indigenous People's Day and watch the Mohawk Mothers documentary on Red Nation on YouTube. So a lot of the things that that I talk about in terms just in terms of healthy human sexuality. and and like again when she talks about finding peace there there is there is a difference like I said between men and women and until indigenous women are treated and given that like until we are elevated above the indigenous man th there's still going to be that intergenerational trauma. Marina Crane (39:33.347) Like when I say to people last Friday, I said, I am the soul I was the keeper of my mother's soul. Everything I talk about in terms of this podcast and the complexities of what she lived through in in those places where white people hurt indigenous children and and the things that she c didn't live with. Like the process of not being able to analyze things. the brutality of of that personality. Like like I said, personality disorders, borderline personalities, psychopaths, sociopaths. We can study this until we're red in the face. But but for me when I try to take a look at it and I'm saying there there we we are all human beings. We are all the in this together My marital status is single but there's a man who's not my man But because of him there's no other man in my life. It's unclear, but very interesting. Technically I'm available, but emotionally that position has already been filled by someone who never officially applied for it. We're not together, but somehow I still consider him before entertaining anyone else. And that's the confusing part. He didn't ask me to wait. There's no label, no commitment. Yet there's this invisible loyalty I can't seem to switch off. And at this point someone new could come into my life with every quality I once thought I wanted. And still s something inside me would hesitate to choose him because a part of my heart is still emotionally attached to someone who never truly became mine. And maybe that is the cruelest part of an undefined connection. There is no relationship to hold on to, but somehow there is still something to to grieve. Mine And that's C H E R A N N E underscore Mazing. M-A-Z-I-N-G-O-5. And that's the nature of being a woman. like I'm Marina Crane (41:57.357) Like I said, I haven't been sexually active in fifty years. And believe me, when she's talking about this like being single, there there's always someone that comes into my life that that eventually leaves and then and and disappears. So it's an evolution of this singleness. And and for people not to understand it it respect, like respectful, because until you Until you understand it. So I use the analogy and I and I and I'm sorry if some of my audience do don't understand Star Trek or science fiction, but there was a movie call in Star Trek where have Leonard McCoy who was Spock, a Vulcan, and Leonard McCoy who was a doctor on the starship Enterprise. So Spock dies and they bring him back to life, like in the future. And so the doctor asks Spock, What was it like to die? And Spock looks at Leonard McCoy, Dr. Leonard McCoy, and he says to him, Have you ever died? Obviously he hasn't, so Dr. McCoy says, No, I've never died. And Spock says, Well then I can't have a conversation with you. You know, it's like AA, once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic, or only an alcoholic will know another alcoholic. Well, I use that analogy in terms of Spock and Leonard McCoy. How could Leonard McCoy understand death if he's never experienced it? And Spock is right, logically, like how can we have a conversation? So how can I have a conversation with you when somebody says, What is it like to be in an indigenous woman? You know, if you've never lived it, how could we have a conversation? That's why when I say I don't trust white women, it's not out of hatred. It's just a reality. You've never lived it. So how can we have a conversation? But it but at the core of it too being single is is respect. And and if you've never had a man like I said l this this excerpt where you know he didn't qualify he didn't ask to be in this position. He it just happened. And and because of that there's a respect. And and and unless you've actually held that respect from from a man Marina Crane (44:19.65) Then how can you have a conversation with other women about respect? And and that's the sad case of it. There are so many women who are in relationships who have had children with men who who's who these men don't respect them, even though they gave them children. And and as time has gone by and they be get and they get older and they realize this is my only life, I have to leave this relationship. I have to find someone who respects me. And it's it's a woman's right. There's no shame in it or or feeling guilty or alone about it. But it is important for women to understand and hold that respect that is given and shown to you in because it's a very sacred place. It's something for me when I do talk to women and I say Even though I advocated for murdered and missing indigenous women and children and understanding the basic psychology, it wasn't until twenty twenty six that I actually felt the respect of a man. Now I have brothers, I have uncles, I have a dad, I have grandparents, and grandfathers, and and I like I said, I've been around educated indigenous men where women have worshipped the ground these indigenous men have walked on. And you know, and of course they're, you know, being nice and delightsome and all that. But again too, if you're a man who's had this trauma and have never healed from it, haven't had the ability to do analysis, self analysis, self-reflection, it'll never happen. And because of that you would never be able to even respect another woman, even though you're married to a woman. The very fact that you had women following you worshiping the ground you walked on, re and even the affairs you've had or the temptation of affairs, the brutality of how you treat your own daughters, your own the own the your females in your own life. Marina Crane (46:33.206) Respect is something that is is real. And for me that's a sad reflection on indigenous men, isn't it? Really, take a look at it. And this is why I'm talking about the results and the the intergenerational trauma that happened to indigenous people in the Americas. Here I am at 74 for all the blessings that I've had to not be sexually active for fifty years and to be lonely and to finally feel respected this year in twenty twenty six. So when I when I talk about you know, indigenous men giving names and doing rituals like like swe like smudge ceremonies and whatever society they they create, if they do not have the capacity to show respect to the very woman that they're attached to. If they cannot if they cannot show have boundaries, healthy boundaries and Like I can't teach that to them. I can't. And by that time when they're as elderly as they are, there's no point. It's the same thing with with women who are narcissistic Machiavellian. I can't teach them to respect their gender as well. Then there's no jealousy involved in some man showing me respect. But until I really understood what it felt like. Marina Crane (48:10.882) There is no way that I would even jeopardize having this respect taken away from me. Marina Crane (48:21.61) It's it's something that that women of all of all races, of all cultures are seeking. And so for the lady who who came to me and asked me and I I told 'cause she had planned to leave her partner, the reality of a of it as I said, because because you've been sexually active with with a partner for all these years and that you've left him, you've had children. Leaving him to find someone who respects you is is your lifetime goal until like as you become elderly. Finding someone who respects you and being in a sexual relationship with them is important. I said because you made a choice to have children. Though those hormones, those memories, they will come they will be with you until your last very last breath. Like I I took care of my late mother. She had eight children. Marina Crane (49:27.744) It's important for women women to understand this. I know it's difficult, especially when you have these older men who grew up in a time where they didn't respect women. So it's very difficult to find such men. Like I said, isn't it sad? That I that I didn't find such a man until 2026. So I'm just putting it out there. I'm just saying it is possible. It is possible, and the understanding of why it's important for other women who've been in relationships where men have respected them. And believe me, that's far and in between. So when I do ha find women who Have had relationships where there has there is respect. Of course I'm gonna be friends with them. So because I I need that support. As a single as a single elderly woman, I need that support. I I do my podcasts to help me keep my my mind fresh. I I I try to do as much as I can to not explain what it is to be indigenous, but just to process things that I discover about my own culture as I live day to day. Marina Crane (50:53.566) And like I said, I've been involved with quite a few projects with the city of Calgary. And and I do get up and and I do talk to public officials and and and people in positions where they they they do have the insight to create programs and and become allies and understand what it's like to to be an ally in a cohort. I I I just hope that our young and I I'm not saying I hope I know there are young people out there who are educated, who are getting their degrees in psychology, who are, you know, like that are gonna publish psychiatric papers. I I do know they're out there, and I do know there are a lot of indigenous women who are out there and women of color who are out there. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be able to have the the resources to do my podcast. And and for that I'm truly grateful because it's important it's important for our young people to know that the possibilities to heal exist. And even if you can't see it and you can't experience it, having patience with yourself, having patience to love yourself, res respect yourself, and and and believe me, like I said, It doesn't get any easier. It doesn't. And and I think this whole mantra like again, I'll play this because in enjoy your life. Just enjoying your life. It it's like nobody should shame me for for this mantra. Nobody should try to convince me to kill myself because I'm single. The very notion of being like honoring your gender and your sexuality is important. So I'll listen I'll play this before I finish this podcast, but I want you to listen to it and and understand. Marina Crane (52:59.202) This is all human beings. All human beings have the capacity to love and and be be at peace with how they how you love yourself and others, important. My marital status is single, but there's a man who's not my man but because of him there's no other man in my life. It's unclear but very interesting. Technically I'm available, but emotionally that position has already been filled by someone who never officially applied for it. We're not together, but somehow I still consider him before entertaining anyone else. And that's the confusing part. He didn't ask me to wait. There's no label, no commitment, yet there's this invisible loyalty I can't seem to switch off. And at this point someone new could come into my life with every quality I once thought I wanted. And still s something inside me would hesitate to choose him because a a part of my heart is still emotionally attached to someone who never truly became mine. And maybe that is the cruelest part of an undefined connection. There is no relationship to hold on to, but somehow there is still something to to grieve. My ma and with that I will say goodbye. Good day. Have a good day. I really hope I've ha given you food for thought because I'm around like an older indigenous man who are quite respected and and who do ceremonies. and have their grandchildren and great grandchildren and they're human beings. They're not perfect by any means. And like I said, I had an uncle who had a state funeral, you know, was live streamed, they closed down, honored him. He was a rodeo cowboy, but yet his own personal life, you know, his reflection on the Marina Crane (55:21.056) Intergenerational trauma that he experienced the cruelty at the hands of a white person. Like that's that's the nature of of people of of like people my parents age and I'm seventy four. Growing up and seeing it and how they you know, they they didn't have the capacity or the wherewithal to go to university and study. And they worked hard. Like when I talk about slavery, I talk about the cr like just the The bare minimum my father and my uncles worked in, you know, working all day in a h like making hides stink, grueling work. because they weren't allowed to leave their communities or get an education. Like I said, they they were grooming children to be slaves. And for my mother and my grandmothers and just the reality of the being a ha a farmer or a housekeeper for a rancher or farmer, working in the fields like s like in the in the heat. You know, even even the United States, the Mexicans working in the fields like the laborers, like all that to what, to groom and produce slaves. Like all this started through the five conquered races. And even how the Indian Act was set up in England, Lloyd's of London, like the history of the connection to the slave trade. All this we I grew I I was born into. We were all born into systemic racism. Marina Crane (57:05.656) But it's up to us to dismantle it and to repair the building that we were born into. Marina Crane (57:13.708) Life is worth living and believe me, I'm just very grateful that this total stranger Marina Crane (57:26.938) showed me respect. Marina Crane (57:33.752) Had his word, gave his word, was consistent in boundaries. And you know, I wish I I I still wish him all the best. And and for people to to really take a look at the qualities he has and and to understand that there are so many so many people out there that could be be so brutal to to women. And and yet there are men out there who aren't. Marina Crane (58:09.322) It it's not it's not I I don't I don't know I can't comprehend what it's like to be a man, nor do I expect a man to comprehend what it's like to be a woman. But but I do understand respect and I I I hope I am showing this man respect by honoring his boundaries and and like like this woman says, the the these people in our lives didn't ask to be put in put in these positions. It's just a part of this great mystery we live in. With that, have a good day and I'll talk to you another time. This is October twenty sixth and Yesterday my sister turned seventy three. Yes.