keeping Indigenous communities safe

Marina Crane (00:02) good morning. actually I'm alive. No, I mean live, live. ⁓ again, good morning. It's July third. ⁓ the beginning of the Calgary Stampede. The beginning of ⁓ a new broadcast in the sense of updates on ⁓ some juicy stuff. Now when I say juicy I'm talking about ⁓ Just the things that might be happening in a few days, a week or a month. So to my listeners and to people who've been following the whole sagma saga of Nathan Chasinghorse, and ⁓ just the tip of the iceberg, because when he got sentenced to life, they didn't charge him with embezzlement embezzlement, racketeering, or money laundering. They didn't charge him with all the child pornography. the hundreds of videotapes that the FBI and local authorities had found. that's just at the tip of the iceberg. They did not ⁓ make any connection with the different leaderships in in Indian country that's in the United States and Canada. They they didn't they didn't ⁓ like there was a web. Okay, now in in in Indigenous culture we call creator ⁓ s in the sense of trickster. You know, tricking people and teaching them a lesson because you know, there's a lesson to be learned. So so for me, I'm again this is all hypothetical. This is my own opinion. I don't expect people to come down and say, I'm gonna sue you for slander. This is all hypothetical and it's my opinion. And and to my listener, Darcy, I appreciate you. I I'm just grateful. Like I I I jokingly laugh because in my blog that I started 20 years ago. I didn't know people were reading it because they didn't email me. So so I would just put the information out there. So I still do that with my blog. The thing about the podcast is different because it's audio and it's right in the moment and it's here and now. So let me put it this way conspiracy about ⁓ people taking money and how bad financially my community was and and like who did what and where did the money go and was leadership involved and and to even get the audit done like there was so much so much and again too I am not in management I you know I I'm one of the rare birds that has never worked in my community. ⁓ I did work at one time as an education director. ⁓ But I just didn't like the smell or the stink of it. Especially when you know you put in twelve hours ⁓ work seven days a week, get paid a thousand dollars less than your your employees who are making a thousand dollars more than you. ⁓ corruption, ⁓ misogyny, ⁓ threats, belittling my education. like talk about all that. I just you know, when that when I was told I was going like either I'm gonna be perceived as being fired or I could transfer into a management job. And I chose to be transfer not to be transferred, I chose to settle out of court, give me ten thousand, it's okay. Because I was so tired. And again, this is my community. I've done a lot of volunteer work in my community. D ⁓ the you know, bringing in money for the first daycare center, bringing in money for the first detox treatment center. This is in my early twenties. Not not to even mention that I lived in another country paying for my own degree, working full time and going to school full time. I can keep on saying all my accomplishments, but the main accomplishment that I feel personally in my opinion is is that I've never been involved in the management or the politics or the ⁓ holding somebody holding ⁓ my j my job over my head if I don't comply. And and throughout this whole ordeal with Nathan Chasing Horse, the the the stories of why it took so long for people to actually charge this man is because leadership would threaten certain people with their jobs if if rent wasn't paid for off reserve rental for the followers of Nathan Chasinghorse. Even to the extent that my niece, who I think is fifty three now, she started following Nathan twenty years ago. She got into an accident maybe four years ago. Seventy two thousand American dollars that who the chief and counsel paid for it? Leadership. The previous leadership did that. Now why am I bitching and complaining about this? I can complain about anything the hell I want to. I'm an elder. You know, who gives a shit? I certainly do give ⁓ you know, I I've grown up here my whole life. I've you know, lived in poverty. ⁓ I've volunteered, I've always volunteered at even at Christmas concerts when I was young in ⁓ in my early twenties singing. I was in a glee club too. I mean my voice might sound not sound like I'm a an opera singer or anything like that, but my whole life I've I've ⁓ loved my community. ⁓ in terms of running for chief and counsel, that's like running for to be an Indian agent. ⁓ you know, people want to be in those positions. And and so again, you know, during the elections, all the politics, well, we want to uncover, ⁓ I've got these papers of all this money that the former chief and counsel have spent. the the accountant we the c I've got twenty or twenty-five documents. you know, pages of documents. So yes, those do exist. They have existed. There has been professional people, our own people, our own people who've been raised and born here have have done all this work. So I'm I'm not dismissing the fact of the qualifications of our young people. In fact I'm embracing it because there's an old regime that's that's being faded out. And that's the that's the regime that I grew up in. and and the reality of it is that because I've never actually participated in in the management of that regime, I I basically have taken on the misogyny or the lateral violence of the the structure that that was enabled by the leadership to treat people differently, especially people like me. Now I'm not bitching and complaining or saying, you know, sour grapes or anything like that. I'm just putting it out there that there's going to be big news coming out. I don't know when, tomorrow, a week, two weeks, a month, two months, but I know it's gonna be soon. And and I got this off of ⁓ a very credible young person. Now why why would I say this? Well it's about time. It's about time that the leadership have become exposed and the the exposure is gonna be given to the elders in Sutina. So it'll be up to us to decide how we're going to deal with this corruption. Because it's going to be pl quite blatant. It's it's been structured. The paperwork is in place. There's no two ways about it. You've got to look at it this way there's the criminal side, okay? And that well, it's all criminal. What the hell am I trying to talk about? There's a side which is so deeply ingrained. You give people permission to do something and they go and they do s horrible things to people. That side. But again, in terms of monetary and and ⁓ money so like I said earlier, ⁓ when I when I talk about the corruption of Nathan Chasing horse, money laundering, racketeering, embezzlement, when when there are people ⁓ who were who were trained and groomed by an Indian agent, Indian agents, when I was a child And they in turn were training the chief in counsel how to behave as chief in counsel. So there's this there's this ingrained, we'll call it nepotism, of Indian agent mentality that has been governing our communities. So what what does it have to do with our young people today? Well, we're in in involved in a one point five billion dollar ⁓ economic development. And the previous leaders Leadership is just like, we've done this and that. And believe me, like even their their wives, like understand this. These people in leadership have been charged criminally. ⁓ one one has been charged in Edmonton for two historical criminal a attempts on men. Okay, sexual assault on men, two men. This is like it's it's it's it's diabolical. The other one is from here again he In Calgary. He was charged in Calgary. Okay, th this is our leadership, our previous leadership. It made national news. No no two ways about it. I can't be sued for for this. This is truth. This is truth social. As no, I don't even want to use it a pol there's no fucking truth social. That's Trump. I'm just saying what I'm saying is truth. You can just Google it, you'll find out who I'm talking about. that that it did these offenses did put take place. Now w what's so hypothetical about it? Well when I went to Las Vegas and I I ⁓ introduced myself to people who I'd never physically seen in public, like physically seen them in person, I've contacted them through email or phone or some other way, either through TikTok, whatever way social media I had been in contact with So and a lot of times like ⁓ previously said, when I did my blog a lot of people who read it never really emailed me back, but they took it to heart and they started to believe me. And s and and one of the ladies fourteen years ago, she she didn't believe what I had said. She didn't believe me at all and then her daughter just about died. And then so when I went down to the Sensing, I did meet her and her daughter. I spent quite a few hours with them and it's just heartbreaking. It's heartbreaking. And ⁓ I felt so so much I I I just needed I I just knew I needed to support them, so I went down and I prayed for them. I prayed with them when they did their ⁓ impact statements. that they would you know, ⁓ feel empowered that that they weren't alone. Now, ⁓ why do I bring this up is because a lot of people follow people ⁓ and think that, you know, the person they're following i is is not diabolical. the tip of the iceberg with Nathan Chasing Horse is is just the tip of the iceberg. Only people will hear what and see what they want to see, what the newspapers have seen and shown. And and in my podcast I try to expose more of the the nitty gritty, really asinine disgusting part of who this Nathan Chasing horse became or was. He was born a soci a psychopath. the it's a hard pill to swallow in understanding the psychology and the physiology of it. I'm doing this in layman's terms. Because a lot of people who still follow him and still support him are sociopaths. No two ways about it. ⁓ because they can't self reflect or they have gone so deep down the rabbit hole they can't find their way out. here's a theory. One of his followers was told not to have sex with his wife, not to masturbate for a whole year. And that he had to have this commitment to Nathan and Nathan spoke to him. Now the reality of it is like, hello. I know men. ⁓ I didn't like I really in a way I don't know men because I've never been married. Okay, so I the whole physiology of men with erections at night and in the morning, all that. Like I understand that part. And that means the man is healthy physically. Doesn't say mentally though. But the fact that Nathan could talk to this following his followers, this follower spent time in my home ⁓ when Nathan was here because they seemed so poor and pitiful. They didn't have a place to stay, so I opened up my house to them. Now this You know, come to find out like here he is, still following Nathan Chasing Horse, even after he's been arrested. And the fact that he opened up a mortgage, bought a house for Nathan's parents and still paying. Like, sociopath. To the to the point like, my goodness, him ex him explaining that he can't have sex or masturbate with the woman he loves, when the reality of it isn't What is the psychopathy in this? What is the motivation? What's what is really happening? The question is, and this is the theory I want you to think about, is or was or had there been a sexual love affair between his follower, this male follower, to the point where Nathan was jealous of him b having a a woman in his life. I mean, mind you, Nathan had all his wives. But the underground ⁓ re you know, romance of him with ⁓ another man to the point where this this man is paying for Nathan's parents' home. Like i is proof in the pudding of the conspiracy or in my opinion, like, what the hell? There's even there was even talk about him being like ⁓ like when we're trap when he's trafficking these these young these children, he's also interested in two spirited boys, indigenous boys. Now again ⁓ I wanna have you look at the spider web of conspiracies here. Our former leader is charged with two sexual assaults on men. His therapist, ⁓ forensic psychologist, has disclosed to tribal police as I sat listening to them, telling the tribal police that this leader who had who he had been his client had a propensity for boys. Now this leader ⁓ for the past twenty years until he was arrested and and until he was voted out in a sense because he ran f again, but he didn't get that many votes. And he's still waiting for his court appearance and being tried and all this. He he basically supported ⁓ again, leadership. What the hell was leadership doing paying for the rent of children? that na were under the like that Nathan was renting and looking after them. W what leader would pay rent for these children? Like like what was the purpose? At at ⁓ so that Nathan could be at the beck and call of this leader if he needed ceremonies and prayers? ⁓ or is there a sinister underlying issue of human trafficking of of boys? Now we can also speculate in terms of corruption and money laundering, racketeering and embezzlement, because that's the nature of Nathan Chasing horse. That wasn't even touched on in his trial. Now that's just my personal opinion. There's all the speculation. But I want you to understand this. He was charged on sexual offences. Took twenty years. Okay, but again, he had different different leaderships and different communities, indigenous communities. That's why I'm saying every day as an indigenous person we see injustice every day. We don't pretend. We're living it. We live and breathe it. So anybody who who pretends like, I know this and I know that, I'm going, Do you live it? Do you actually live in it? Because I I swear it's not just my community, there's a hell of a lot of communities out there who did the same thing that our leadership here in Sutana did in supporting Nathan Chasey Morse. Now, again, my opinion, I don't expect anybody out there in my podcast to believe me. But I say this because again, I'm documenting things and hypothetically this is there's something that's gonna be coming up in my community. That has a lot to do with with people how people made their money. Now, ⁓ now we're not talking about the criminal sexual offenses. Now and let me get back to Nathan Chasinghorse's criminal sexual offenses. When he was charged, ⁓ the FBI was going to charge him as well as the state of Nevada. But things and how things worked out and how things were dropped and added and anyway, it's all legal jargon, ⁓ in my opinion. However The reality of it is they they got on the video. They're the thirteen year old child who The scene was so horrific you had to seal it. I she I I was there in the courtroom when she did her impact statement. The the the impact statements alone were horrific. I mean it was just ⁓ just emotional. But well why am I why am I bringing this up is because because ⁓ th this is just th the these are just three victims. They're they're not including my niece. or or or the the my neighbor's daughter. They're not including the two young girls who he took who ⁓ were supported by the leadership within my community. See understand this. He took two young women at the same time there was another young girl in our community who was fighting to get her day in court. And and and yet our leadership didn't didn't support this young woman. They supported these other two girls in rent, paying their rent. Travel expenses? Like even when Nathan was arrested, the chief and council paid for those nation members to bring their children home. These weren't Nathan Chasing Horse's children, these were these women's children who were so caught up in limerence. There was even one woman who had I think maybe two women who had married into Sutina that the chief and counsel were paying rent for them in Las Vegas. I'm a nation member. I've never been married out. I've never I've lived here my whole life. I mean, I've lived in my community most of my life, except sixteen years of it. Never had money given to me even when I lived off. And yet the diabolical perversion of my leadership, giving money to to a Lakota man, I'm Dakota. What's the difference? I the difference is I grew up here. I'm a nation member, I'm a voting member. Nathan Chasinghorse does not have any voting rights in Soutinna. But yet how they treated him, how they pampered him, how they, you know, made sure he was protected. Even up to twenty fifteen, he was still coming into Soutina. They were still paying him money. Unaware of ⁓ me. I didn't know. Perfectly honest. Like I when I put boundaries down and I confronted Nathan, that was it. The only time I got to see him for the first time in twenty years was on march eleventh. Was it yeah, March eleventh. And again on April twenty seventh. Like the reality of it is I didn't understand the extent of how much he hated me, the extent of the obsession he had with me. When I went to the courthouse the first time, I was glad I had a companion with me. And I told this companion, I said, I don't know how this mum and daughter are gonna treat me because I get such negative comments from this young woman's wrin. on TikTok because I expose her mother Melissa as being unstable. When she came when Melissa came into my home and how she talked about her child, her eight year old, Wren, and how Nathan had convinced her that Wren was a holy child and wanted to groom her. And how Melissa thought, okay, she's a chosen person. This was all hypothetical stuff that I mean imagine I'm listening to this. How as an a a Dakota woman trying to convince this woman who's registered, has a card from on a reservation, but has never lived on a reservation. How do I talk to her about the bullshit that Nathan Chasing Moore is is feeding her? Twenty years ago. She she she wouldn't listen. She wouldn't listen to anything that I had to say. So, you know, that it was fruitile, futile. No, she was already totally mesmerized in in limerence with Nathan Chasinghorse. And, you know, whatever the case was, f I thought if I they saw me for the first time, I I don't know what they'd be capable of. I I don't know if they were gonna come and just yell in my face or or what, or if they just thought I was ⁓ a voyeur, like ⁓ wanting publicity, looking like a ⁓ like a s ⁓ you know, somebody, a clown. Who who knows? But I I was perfectly aware that they they they there there was some tension if they saw me because I'm quite open about what my experience is and was and still is with Nathan Chasing or so even his followers. Rightfully so because there are still people following him. Like I said, he was a psychopath. He created a whole whole bunch of sociopaths. Ha and and for whatever reason they they still follow him. Now why why am I so ⁓ like concerned about the whole nature of of the dynamics of the behavior, the the the perversion is because because it's all connected in in this spider web of connection in Indian residential school, the the s the the whole ⁓ prom what'd you call p propensity for children. ⁓ and I even give a little dialogue about Nathan twenty years ago hitting a rat hitting my n eight year old niece over the head with a rattle. ⁓ I mean even even he did that with with Sierra too. He did this with a lot of girls who were like eight there were children. Obviously by that twenty years ago he was already getting some sort of thrill, some sort of, you know, heart on Excuse me if I trigger you over children sexually aroused in those ceremonies. I mean you had to be in those ceremonies to see how sexually charged he he f he he appeared. ⁓ and I talk about it. I've talked about it with leadership and different people and I talk about ceremony and I talk about this energy, ⁓ how people ⁓ w within ⁓ who are totally naive about their own empower, their own empowerment and how things appear when you're in a collective holistic approach. And some people say, that's poo poo, that's you know, ESP, that's magic. And I'm going, this is life. It's all tied to sexual energy. And when it's perverse, the way Nathan Chasing Wars and within certain leadership within our communities, all based on on occult activity that started hundreds of years ago. started in Indian residential schools, started with, you know, American companies coming in trying to take our oil. Now again, we have o leadership who are in court who are using their wives to promote and get all their money associated with their wives so that they have access to their financial pockets. And and when they have Daniel S steel, the premier, trying to negotiate ⁓ pipelines and shit like that. You know, we decades we've had our leadership in different you know, their own companies and create companies, they make huge money if of embranching into B C and places where because they've got it they're indigenous and they're the token indigenous person. It just drives me crazy. And I'm sure, you know, you think, that's just all poo poo. Yeah, no, I I want you to understand this. There's the criminal side, yes. Tax evasion, embezzlement, racketeering. There's also the criminal sexual side. And with Nathan Chase and Morris, when he took this young girl who he videotaped, he took her three times. And she had the courage to document everything with the tribal police. And leadership squished it. she still had the pro she still had the courage right to even to this day, bless her heart. And and the thing is like like you know if if so much as as where would the chief in counsel this young woman should sue the chief in counsel. These these people who are victims of Nathan Chasing Wars should sue the chief in counsel or the leadership who was in council at the time in civil court. For not protecting them. I was there advocating for these rights. No one was listening, even the tribal police. So I put it on a podcast. I put it on a blogger, I mean. Right now I'm on a podcast. I put it on a on my blogger twenty years ago. Now even that to to find out like, okay, yes, he has a propensity for children. He has a propensity for boys and girls. But when our leadership here in Soudinna has a propensity for boys, where's the connection? You have a forensic psychologist says, Well, our this particular chief was my client. This is a the the forensic psychologist saying this to tribal police. He has a propensity for boys. Then he says he says to me, because of this chief, Nathan Chasing Horse has been thriving in Soudinna. That's under his personal opinion, coming out of his mouth, into my my ears. Now, what's the connection here? When when you have the followers of Nathan Chasinghorse who are working with the FBI and the state police of Nevada, and they're looking through all the documentations that they uncovered in his in his his possession in Nathan Chasing Horse's house, and they come through all these videos. That's why they when they c when they found the one where they could identify the hotel room in Las Vegas. And even then for these victims to try and sue in civil court these hotels for allowing Nathan Chasing Works to traffic them out of the these casinos. I mean we have a casino too, I know there's human trafficking happening there too. There's such a denial denial ability in terms of tribal authorities too. But the reality of it is there were a lot of things that they couldn't identify in which hotel, which country. They could understand the timeline. But there were there were such horrific other videos of children that they couldn't even bring because they could not say where it was taking place or who the child was. Now, why am I bringing this up is because yes, he's he's serving life in prison. Well, he's got what, 27 years before he can apply for parole. Yet we have our leadership here. ⁓ and I'm just saying my community. I'm I I want you to understand there are other communities that freely supported this man. ⁓ I have a cousin who got an honorary degree at the University of Calvary Who was openly supporting Nathan Chasinghorse when he was in council. Not from Sutina, but from another tribe. Really? We're talking about the nitty-gritty, shitty stuff that non-Indigenous people, they they like to romanticize like the stoic Hollywood indigenous person. I'm going, no. Every day we f we live the injustice. We live the injustice. We see it, we hear it, we breathe it, we smell it. Like it's so disgusting to to understand that we've grown up with these leaders who who are voted into council and once they get into council they take that money and manipulate it, whatever way. Like when I w like I said, I discovered where money was coming in from the government and where it was siphoned into different management. And management s took it and said that that money didn't belong to the people that it was supposed to go to. They're putting it in other programs where they would get money for their own workshops. Like it like it's it's it's diabolical and all this stuff is gonna come out. All this stuff has a lot of ⁓ our young people have discovered and have have are ready to disclose to the elders in our community. And when they expose it, ⁓ you know shit's gonna hit the fan. But I want to put it out here in my podcast to make it to make you aware this isn't something ⁓ like what's the word? There's no pretending about it. There's no fairy tale. There's no mysticism. There's no gawking. Nothing. Nothing phenomenal. This is hardcore reality. Hardcore reality of what people do to children. It's it's diabolical because obviously look at this. I'm seventy-four. This chief who's been who's been ⁓ charged is is I think seventy seventy four, seventy-three. I've known him my whole life. Just disgusting person. Put on a persona his whole life. Like what's the romanticism of being, you know, like so spiritual? You know, the the like it's like the pro It's like people want to recreate Indian residential school or the Indian agent, like there's that holy person. There's that white person, he's so perfect. yet yet that's patriarchy. Or or like look at that ⁓ person, he's so holy, like a pope, like a priest. We we have to honor that person. Marina Crane (33:09) Hello, I'm not too sure if I got disconnected or if I'm reconnected to my initial podcast, but ⁓ anyway, here goes again. I'm lost track. And that's okay. I just got off the phone with a lady when it comes to systemic racism. And and I think that's the the core of the whole thing is like there's a lot of things when it comes to intergenerational trauma. or crimes against humanity or just crimes in general of complacency or things that we think like why should we even get involved or why should we even start talking about these things. again, it's it's it's call I like it like sometimes I think in terms of psychology we really have to ⁓ motivate ourselves It's like aging, you know, you have a to do list and you write it down and you know, it looks all nice but then the actual work has to be done. And you know, it's like karma, you know, you say, well, ⁓ natural law, but again too, all this has to do with movement and the energy of doing the action. So, I mean, as much as I do my my podcast ⁓ and I transfer it to my blog, a lo a lot of times just thus psychology or the psychopathy of being human is is so abstract. That's the only way I can talk about it. ⁓ because in order to qualify in the sense of a self-validation, like a f a friend of mine told me she says it's it's one thing, you know, we could we could ⁓ sit and hypothesize about things but if we're just spinning our wheels, we're really doing ourselves injustice. We're we're really praying bad for ourselves. So we have to ⁓ understand there's a lot of things that yeah we think we understand but it it's harder to get motivated to to participate. And and I think a lot of times when it comes to ⁓ human sexuality, I think sometimes we we take for granted our own personal needs. I ⁓ you know, I talk about ⁓ things that I've ⁓ missed in my life, through choice and the things that I've learned about ⁓ myself and and what I try to instill in younger women so that younger women would have a healthier healthier life style and than ⁓ some some women that I have seen and continually you know look at because of the choices we make as women. So a friend of mine, she she you know when when I talk to her and I say you know some some of my friends are just curious. You know, they'll say, we're gonna call you and I'm going, No, they're not gonna call me and they said Well of course they're not gonna call you because You just want to know what's going on. And and so ⁓ when it comes to corruption and and I use the term ⁓ even though it's not money laundering or tax evasion or racketeering, the the realities of passing money and how things are being met and said and done is criminal. Even my talking about it, somebody could say, Well, I'm gonna sue you for were slandered. I'm going, this is all hypothetical. This isn't the reality of it. This is a theory. And for me the theory is if you have a leader who's been diagnosed or who's been critiqued by a forensic psychologist saying that this person has a propensity for boys. And if this certain leader has been enabling a certain medicine man, a false prophet, a a false prophet who also has a propensity for boys, not only boys but girls as well, who has who from this propensity has been allowed and given permission by his followers in a cult to practice these deviant behaviors of videotaping himself having sex with children. Now this is hypothetical and theoretical, but But the reality of the fact is when you're in your 50s and 70s and these things have come to light, have percolated to the top, think about it. Don't you think that that behavior had to have started someplace, somewhere? And how long has this propensity been bubbling to the surface? And how many victims have bit have there been? So when it comes to human trafficking and you have children who've been trafficked, it takes a long time for for children to start talking about these things. I mean for me, I was nineteen. It took what, twenty years? Twenty three years. now, why is this so important? Well again, when it comes to leadership and how people follow people because they appear to be godlike. Like I I I use the analogy they appear to be the the priest in Indian residential school who has authority over the entire residential school, or the Indian agent who has authority over everybody, or the RCMP officer who can make a arrest, anybody who's in a position of power who takes advantage and corrupts and manipulates and destroys another human being. I I've been schooled in saying, well don't call them monsters. Well what do you call them when they've transformed themselves into something that isn't human in the sense of would a human being do these things to their children? And as as horrible and as as d as horrible as it sounds, ⁓ this has been going on since the beginning of time. And I think that's probably why a lot of people go poo-poo and they don't want to hear about it. But the reality of it is as we age and how we how we handle our human sexuality is is is the reality of it. Now people see elderly people. So during the pe before the pandemic or during the pandemic, there was a case of sexually transmitted diseases in nursing homes. A lot of the the seniors who were in nursing homes were being promiscuous. women who'd been married to their husbands where the couple enter ⁓ old folks home, she becomes promiscuous, catches a sexually transmitted disease, not from her husband, but from the many partners in the nursing home. ⁓ an elderly man gets put into a nursing home by his sons. He is so frustrated he screams on the top of his voice during his lunch, I need sex. And what happens? They find Laptop, try to figure out how to calm him, his his nervous system. This is a senior. And they find that the only way they can calm him down is through pornography. So as we age and how we understand our own s human sexuality and what it means to brain health. Here's a question. Okay, and this is a hypothetical theory here. If I again okay, I'm I want to put it To me I'm exposing I'm saying hypothetically if I what's the word if if I gambled and ⁓ and I gamble and I my mind is constantly just focused on let that type of ⁓ escapism or ⁓ what to call deassociating myself in the gambling position and and I do that and my brain is conditioned to gamble that way. On top of that if if I am a also watching pornography as a Like again, this routine of like what am I gonna do in loneliness and isolation. And then on top of all that, like the dopamine or the dorphins or whatever is in the brain for what I eat, like junk food. So so understand that. Like if you're a senior or even if you're in the process of like isolation, like when they ha when the pandemic hit and and you have this ⁓ gambling addiction, ⁓ pornography addiction, food addiction. It only takes two months of isolation without doing these activities for your brain health to improve. So again, how we think things affect us, if we're in denial of it and we keep functioning this way, then it it it'll surface and it'll eventually show up as we age. So I'm I'm just talking. I'm not talking like I like I don't know these things. I I I I do enjoy gambling once a month. ⁓ I didn't even know what pornography I knew what pornography was in nineteen seventy six. I didn't know you could freely access it until like three years ago or four years ago. because of the pandemic people were talking about it and so I Googled it and and again I also heard about it, I think on TikTok. So yes, I I researched it and I thought, my goodness, I always thought that the internet was policed, so I again I didn't want to go on internet looking at a porn site. But when I found out that it wasn't policed, do you know that ⁓ looking up ordinances like TNT and bomb fuses and stuff like that y th they'll target that before they'll target you in terms of pornography. Again, only because I've had to do research on fuses and explosives. ⁓ but the reality too is like even how you eat, ⁓ like the satisfaction or self gratification. So for me, I'm trying to look after my mental health, my like i like it's one thing to to have a narrative. When I'm talking about mental health, I'm talking about the actual physiology of the brain, the the rooting and the synapses and reconstructing it. Like you you've got to be malleable enough that that you know you being away from these addictions only reshapes or rewires your brain. I'm I'm seventy four. I I I didn't start gambling until I was I think fifty. And ⁓ like I said, I didn't even know about porn until three years ago. And as far as food addiction, I think ⁓ what's been maybe since I was in my fifties. So little things like that. My whole life I I I I haven't been involved in that. Most of my life I've been concentrating more on ⁓ sexuality. what is obsession, ⁓ what is ⁓ glimmerance. And and a lot of people, ⁓ like when you're infatuated, that's a healthy thing. 'Cause eventually it could lead to marriage and relationships. And ⁓ but you have to have that discourse, you have to understand how to have a dialogue or conversation. Limerenance isn't as simple as it's as the word itself. I think there are a lot of people ⁓ who believe and they have workshops and how to eliminate, but it but it's far more complicated than that. It's not it's not that just something that you can like AA or or you know, some sort of support group. Limerance, yes, there are support groups for limerants. It's only the tip of the iceberg. I really believe it's a deep psychological ingrained human trait. I think it takes a collective holistic approach to to eliminate ⁓ self-defeating behavior. However, ⁓ limerants you can also have relapses and recovery. ⁓ and people neglect ⁓ to say these things because ⁓ most people just want to k fix, you know, magic wand, aber cadabra, you're fixed. But but in order to believe and to understand, it's like somebody who's been involved in AA their whole life that they think for the rest of their lives they're actually ha have this propensity to alcohol, when really it's how they see themselves, the identity. So how you see yourself in your identity is important and that's why when it comes to mental health and early childhood development, as well as being a young adult in your early twenties, it it is important to understand how we evolve all the time, every ten years or so, in in our identity. So by the time you become an elder, you've gone through so many changes within your life. And and so I try to talk about that in terms of healthy human sexuality. And even the gut feeling that You know, people aren't really there for me. If they were, they'd they'd they'd have the courage to ask me, why aren't you talking to me anymore? I have friends who would say that. I have a friend, you know, we have discussions about this. What are friends for? So it's taken me a long time. And a lot of times I think when people think, I can't live alone, I need to have a partner. And in a sense like I I've my whole life I've been alone. Save for the exception when I started taking care of my mother, ⁓ my late mother, caregiver, and then being a caregiver to my niece. ⁓ but most of my life I've I've managed to be on my own. And at the same time though, even though I'm alone, I'm never truly alone. I know a lot of people want to talk about so many things that's a great mystery in our life and and keep it that mystery. Keep the great mystery alive. Because nothing is set in terms of how we believe or what happens to us. Things that I had never thought I would ever experience in my life I experienced. impossible things that ⁓ I just never thought I would experience, I have experienced. And and likely so, it might not seem such a great thing, but for me as a human being and as I reflect in my life, I I I'm just grateful. So whatever information and how I give it out to my audience, I hope you take it and understand some of the things that I talk about are only hypothetical theories based on ⁓ basic ⁓ n basics the basics of what identity is. So the cla clarifying and understanding and saying, okay, based on this, this is what the theory is. So based on the fact that ⁓ w one of our leadership has a propensity for boys, based on the fact that this person was ashamed to be indigenous, passed himself as Mexican when he was in high school, has always been perceived by indigenous women as some sort of pervert. Has just has like all the time being around him, you just feel like, my goodness, he's making my my guts turn. People would ask me, Well Marita, don't you find him attractive? I'm going, Are you kidding me? So for whatever perverse reason, People perceived him in a different way than I did. You know, really makes you wonder, like, my goodness, are we so different? Yes, as human beings we are so different. And and again, the propensity for him to be attracted to children, ⁓ You know, it's a it's a really hard thing to comprehend. I remember I I ⁓ this one child, I spanked him and I and I just I stopped myself. I stopped myself because when I looked at him, he enjoyed it. And and I and it was scary because because he had been abused so much that that like it just shocked me. And and and I like it it's not just that made that made me curious about ⁓ childhood behavior or just the reality of classical conditioning or grooming, fawning, all this stuff. When I look at my parents and my grandparents in Indian residential school and I look at the layers of of p adults who Who had no boundaries in in what they did to children? I think that's why it's so perverse and why people don't like listening to my podcast is because I talk about the perversion of it. And and how could you look at a man who practices sweat lodges and sundance and has a following of young girls following him? How could he have such propensity for the di the deviance of what it actually has them sexually aroused. As a man it's like his erection. You know, that that's what stimulates him. He needs to have it like it's a an addiction. And for him to to you know use children in ceremonies, hit them over the head or or just groom them, just convince their mothers that their daughters or their their a child, their girls are are in need of grooming. And that and that things are so bad because because there's no dad or or father figure or ⁓ protector visible that that that ⁓ men like that can take advantage or that ⁓ women want to be in a relationship because they don't want to be alone so they gravitate to some political leader who appears to be like a good provider. And yet yet the the the just hiding it. That's what's so disgusting because it took decades. It took decades. Understand this. Even when I warn people about different people. I mean, yeah, we can say about Nathan Chasinghorse, but believe me, in my community, and there are people in my community, I even warn people about them and nobody listens. So that's why I do my podcast and I'm saying no, I truly believe as human beings we all have that gut feeling. We all know. And the reality of it is a lot of times as indigenous women who follow their gut, who have led ⁓ dur you know s you know, amazing lives, that ⁓ w we will not tolerate certain things. And the the fact that we don't makes makes us to be you know, people that ⁓ certain people don't want to be around or they wanna be around us to to make themselves feel better, that that they ⁓ are smarter. ⁓ again, why? I I've had to prove myself at in university classes, taking tests after test after tests. I've had to prove myself working in systemic racism structures, going to work every day dealing with racism. And and you want a piece of me? Because because you think like that by talking to me you get to experience what I've experienced and then stab me in the back. So much like it's heartbreaking. I ⁓ you get to a point where you you get battle fatigue and and I know ⁓ it hurts me when people hate me and treat me like shit. And I had to have some this this woman say to me, Marina, you're a nice person. Do these nice things for yourself. And she went on to say, Well, so and so thinks you're nice, I think you're nice. And I thought, yeah, okay, I'm nice. You're nice. We're nice people. Put some boundaries down and like of course when I lived in Utah, I was alone. You know, sometimes I have an apartment by myself when the semesters were free in the summer. ⁓ just the reality of like struggling to go to work by myself, doing things by myself. ⁓ Put me in a class of my own, especially around men and how they preyed upon women, vulnerable women. I had a lot of times where I was infatuated. I didn't realize that I was actually grooming myself. You know, like my friend says sometimes we we pray bad on ourselves and I think in terms of limerence we we do do that in in the sense of infatuations, like, it's okay to be infatuated with this guy. But but with without even understanding that all of a sudden it turns into limerence. Like like why did I do that? Why did I put myself in that position to to let people know I was infatuated with this man. and I didn't know I didn't know it had to do with with just how I felt about myself, my identity. ⁓ you know, 'cause as as women we c we we're we do more harm to ourselves. So my Polynesian roommate who was living rent free created a narrative that a Polynesian friend of hers was interested in me. And and I listened to her. I she was so convincing. And it was getting to the point where like she was living four months rent free. It got to the point where I'm going, Okay, yes, I find him attractive, I'm infatuated. But I kept the narrative going. And that's where the limerence came in, because I didn't know I didn't know that that I was looking for love. But but where? I had to I had to physically go and talk to the man and say to him, My roommate made this narrative up about you ⁓ liking me, ⁓ not saying to him, yeah, I know I'm a nice person, but just the reality that she manipulated me into believing that he was f infatuated with me. And and then he he disclosed, No, he says I I I'm not infatuated with you and I thanked him. But that was the beginning of of not even the beginning. I mean, I thought I fell in love with this Beautiful, handsome California white guy when I was eighteen. Tragedy, tragedy. The things you fall for, just all we wanted was sex, okay? I mean, l you talk about what do you call permiscuity. It i it's i it's acceptable for men, especially military men, whereas it's not acceptable for single indigenous women. no. Single indigenous women who are promiscuous are just asking. No, no. I walked away from him. Could you imagine being addic addicted to sex? Having that craving so damn bad. And you walk away. That was my first experience at eighteen. And I I truly, you know, like as I'm seventy four and I reflect back on that and I think about all the struggles I've had. when it's come when it comes to women manipulating other women into believing they're bullshit to get something done. Either get ahead in the job or some diabolical scheme. Excuse me, like I've just ha after witnessing what I did in Las Vegas and all the shit I went through in in ⁓ social media with with people I knew. I just said, nope, boundaries down. I'm not gonna be manipulated by women. the whole point of recovery in terms of s being a victim of violence is to be able to stand your ground and not be afraid to confront the person who's hurting you. And ⁓ that's a part of the whole part of ⁓ taking infatuation and separating it from limerence because because then with limerence you're You're confronting the perpetrator and you're not afraid to face ⁓ the the narrative, the false narrative that was created to put you in a place of safety. Even if that safety is created in a false illusion or delusion of love. I think that's why I I think a lot of people in other countries think that it's okay to marry a rapist. So the mental health and the s strategy of just being a woman and following your gut feelings about how other women treat you or how you yourself pray bad on yourself. A lot sometimes I talk about hung prayers and what they mean and I was talking to this artist friend who's who's he he's a chairperson for art college. So I'm I'm not talking, you know, some some vagab vagabond who or some, you know, a street artist. You know, I'm talking about someone who's gone through ceremony and ritual, who's who's ⁓ has seen and heard ⁓ collective and holistic ways of healing in ceremony and in ritual. To you know, we we have discussions about about ⁓ how how sometimes when people ⁓ are jealous or hate ⁓ especially when when you don't realize that some people are just mean. I didn't realise people could pray. Like, you know, when I maybe I'm so in I'm so fucking indoctrinated into Christianity that I think prayer is supposed to be something, you know, like you're asking for the best in life. But, you know, it's thought, it's a thought. Okay, so prayer is a thought. I I just a s we know when I talk about when I try to define what hung prayers are. It's it's a really hard thing to comprehend, especially you yourself. If you do this to yourself, then you're doing more damage to yourself. I I call that self-defeating behavior. And self-defeating behavior ⁓ is manifested in illusions and delusional ways of thinking. So yes, we do hang prayers on ourselves. However There's also more diabolical, like I said, my roommate who was sponging off of me, manipulating, ⁓ gaslighting, you know, how we fawn. That you know, when when when we allow people to try and control us, even people who have a propensity for being sexually attracted to us, a lot of times we don't realize that they're preying on us, not just physically, emotionally, but even spiritually. So so they're praying for bad things to happen to us. And so these are hung prayers. These hung prayers are manifested in different ways physically. ⁓ Like it's one thing to talk Marina Crane (1:02:53) So it's it's one thing to to look at. ⁓ us ourselves and think, okay, so hung prayers we're we're praying bad for other people, ⁓ out of jealousy, manipulation, or envy. And and ⁓ so when I spoke to this ⁓ fellow who's a chairperson for a university and I said to him, you know, one of the spiritual people who ⁓ served time in Vietnam who had a hard time adjusting to civilian life had talked about hung prayers and how people ⁓ say bad things about people and how those prayers get hung onto the person's spirit. And he said he said there was an elderly man who died and people in the community were just afraid of him. They they didn't want to come into his house. They didn't want to prepare his body for burial, death, nothing. So he said he went in there Blessed the house, blessed the man's corpse, prepared the body in the grave site, everything. He said after the man was buried all through ceremony and ritual, he said the the funeral home director approached him and he says, I saw what you did. I I want you to come to the funeral home. I want to show you something. And he says, When I've been preparing d these bodies you know, of indigenous people, he says, these objects have come out, dropped off the dropped on from the floor. Dropped on the floor from their bodies. And these were objects, you know, different different types of objects. Little little pieces. Like like pieces with hair or bone or something attached to it. And he says, I've collected them over the you know, I've collected them over the years and he had mason jars full of them. He says I d I didn't s he says I've s he says I've collected them. I don't know what to do with them. He says, I want to give it to you. He says, I didn't see this ⁓ happening to other people except this one tribe. He says, until until ⁓ immigrants came in from another country. And then I saw this other tribe. They're they're they're dead. These objects were falling out of their bodies. So this fellow said, Well, those are hung prayers. See so so like understand the manifestation of that. I was totally in denial of the like I use the concept of limerance, but but it it is a form of hung prayers, hung prayers against ourselves. And and until we understand limerence It's one thing to have infatuation and to be infatuated. It's another thing to confront the person that is manipulating you into believing somebody somebody's in love with you for the for their own gain. Okay, that's that's not that's not hung prayers, that's just manipulation. But you if you believe the narrative and you don't confront it, then you're hanging your own prayers on yourself. And you can get stuck in that and it becomes limerant. So so for me, like I mentioned, ⁓ I don't know, ⁓ I've gotta reconnect all of my blogs because or my podcasts cause I've been shutting them. I've been trying to finish this podcast and yet each time ⁓ something happens and my recording stops. I either accidentally or whatever. But the reality of it is like I said, ⁓ I was promiscuous when I was younger. And when I talk to men about this, they kind of s smile and I'm going, No, society allows men to be promiscuous and they say, you're good you're good sexu you're good, you're handsome, you've got all the sexual energy, good for you, sowing your wild oats. I say to those men, What is it about women? That women are not allowed to be promiscuous, and yet it's the same psychological again. That's the way we heal. So for me, ⁓ when I had encountered a ⁓ a soldier who ⁓ was had escaped to didn't go back to Vietnam to fight, a deserter, I, you know had sex with him. It was I w like I was being promiscuous and so was he. I could have s tried, I could have begged, I could have you know, like it was I it was so enjoyable. I could have been addicted to that man. There was a gut feeling. I walked away. I walked away and and as much as it hurt emotionally, I did. And that's part of healing. Because at that moment I realized that I'm not praying bad on myself. I'm not allowing somebody to hurt me. I I'm tr I'm trying to understand who I am and what it what it is in this life that I'm doing. So the irony of it is even though I talk about limerenance, it's far more complicated than what AA like what the whole establishment of support groups like ⁓ AA or El Anon or like support groups. much of this was sort of ⁓ studied by psychologists and people who studied indigenous ways in the Americas and they adopted this support system of holistic and collective approaches to healing through narratives. The reality though is like it's it's a false construct because the people who are participating haven't known each other from childhood, teenage childhood, from babies, childhood to teenagers to adults, to parents to grandparents. It's a holistic collective approach, which only these narratives like AA or support system or or like call it cult like can exist. It and it is, but until you bring it into a situation where you know the people from childhood to death, that it's not a cult. It's a collective holistic way of approaching things. Because within the system we start to identify who we were as children, as teenagers, young adults, seniors, you know, it it goes. So the reality of of hung prayers or or praying bad for ourselves is is the inability to to walk away. To walk away and and to actually have the courage to actively do something. Because karma is an action word. And so so again, what is the difference between like okay, yeah, we ha we hang prayers on ourselves. But but at the same time there are people who actually do pray bad for other people. And and so how do we like the fellow who ⁓ taught me this had killed quite a few men in Vietnam. Now no doubt the ⁓ man I had sex with when I was nineteen years old had killed men in Vietnam as well. ⁓ because I couldn't understand like why he was it was so easy for him to walk away. But when this lesson was taught to me by this Lakota man, he says he says, when people talk bad about another person, he says that's how easy it is to kill a human being. So when this man that I had sex with ⁓ when I've heard him say something bad I I didn't even know he was gonna it was gonna come out of his mouth. I just felt it maybe minutes before and I had to call him over to let him know. Like I I was I just had moments to say something. If I didn't grab it at that moment, anything else I would have said would have been ⁓ like a hung prayer. Because i you know, that's what I I thought, no, I've gotta say it so it isn't a hung prayer. Whatever happens afterwards, ⁓ that's like this is this is the only time I have. I knew that I was gonna walk away. I just knew it. Now throughout my life, even when it came to confronting the football player that that ⁓ this clo roommate had had ⁓ lied about My my grandfather, ⁓ well my grandparents really loved me. And he used to put me on his lap and sing to me. And his nickname for me was football because I was round like a football. And and the year I was born he he ⁓ attended the Grey Cup in on Ottawa, I think, or o someplace in Ontario. And ⁓ so that was his nickname for me, he was football. never realizing like this whole limerence and this whole identity of like s stopping hung prayers was was also part of this football player and i for me talking to him and ⁓ you know getting the skinny on how he really felt about me Like and the thing is, like yes, he told me he wasn't interested in me, but I kept the narrative going so that I would keep women at bay from pressuring me into dating or we'll say fucking around. I just I just knew I had to go to school, I had to go to work, I didn't have I had to just focus and and look after myself. I didn't really understand systemic racism. I didn't understand limerence or I understood infatuation, but I didn't know the extent of how it was how it was connected to trauma. ⁓ that being said though, I do realize that a lot of this abstract ways of thinking is so foreign to non-Indigenous people. So I tried to I try to have some discourse about it and say this is this is the way it is. y if you're if you pray bad to s for somebody to have something bad happen to them, they have hung prayers on them. If they're not protecting themselves through prayer, then those hung prayers can get attached to them. And again too if you're not trying to eliminate your own self defeating behavior, then then it's basically open season for people to hang those prayers on you so easily. So it's a compound double edged sword. as an individual protecting your identity, that that one side has to do with the reactive side of here and now. And the other side of the sword is the deactivated part where it's based on memory and the collective consciousness of how you treated the person you were sexually active with, a husband, a boyfriend, a lover, a promiscuous partner. Those things ⁓ play a crucial role in how you interact with people on a on a day-to-day basis. Especially when you find, like for me, you know, throughout my life I've had various infatuations. Like I think the first infatuation were cowboys. Because all my uncles and my dad were cowboys. ⁓ calf roper, like ⁓ just gorgeous, gorgeous cowboys. Yeah, yeah, infatuation. ⁓ never really acted on it in the sense of you know, having ⁓ like having a a relationship. because again too it would have been through manipulation rather than just infatuation. And if it went through manipulation then it would have been associated with limerence. Okay, so that's the fur then again it moved into ⁓ what, like I think there was a little period of ⁓ hockey hockey players that moved into football players when I lived in the United States and and then just men who did workshops. I never was really into anything like authoritative like police, professional people, doctors, lawyers, Indian chiefs, no. I I think my my infatuation or my ⁓ limerence or l the or the yeah, infatuation w w was ⁓ like really you know, like I'm I'm just trying to say it whenever I felt infatuated, I would have to have a dialogue with the person. Because if I knew I didn't have a dialogue, that infatuation would turn into limerence. Again, I didn't understand I'm praying bad for myself because it's a self-defeating behavior based on illusion or delusional ways of thinking. Because putting myself in limerence was a false way of saying, I'm loved. Now who the hell said that I wasn't loved? Growing up in systemic racism when I had little white boys calling me ugly, squaw, wagon burner, And were afraid of me. Not because I was ugly and a monster, 'cause I was really tough. Like physically tough. I chopped wood. I was a I was I was a a outdoor survivalist type of child. I didn't have to pretend to be something I'm not. ⁓ so I think that's why when when I see politics in the United States and I see Trump with his pretendian narrative about who he is and I'm going, This poor man, how sad that he hasn't lived a life. Like I I I know how to I know how to rope a horse. I know how to make a a ⁓ a bit out of a rope for a horse. I know how to set satch up a saddle. I could ride bareback. I I know how to skin a rabbit, I know how to skin a deer. I I know how like there are certain survival skills that I grew up with. ⁓ and the fear of riding full gallop bareback or just the ⁓ just the embracing life. like breathing at that that that there are people out there who make millions and are billionaires who haven't lived life. It's sad. And they create this narrative, this narrative that is so self defeating about themselves based on how people or the perception of how they want people to see them. Now That's just basic 101 when it comes to people in terms of balance. That they're so unbalanced even as they age. That's why when I talk about my podcast and I talk about ⁓ taking what healthy human sexuality is, and and I said like a double-edged sword, on one side there's the reactive side of just talking to another human being. about human sexuality, about even talking about my own sexual experience with a man, or him talking to me about the first time like like that he saw porn or or he stole an object or like for me, ⁓ yeah, I had sex with this guy. Adult talk. That's reactive, that's the other side of the sword. The other side of the sword is the sexual attraction, that all human beings innately are empowered and given that right as a human being. When our memory isn't one of the joy of sex, that the whole book, The Joy of Sex, that's the other part of the double-edged sword. That's why the narrative about talking Giving talking about infatuation and knowing the difference between infatuation and limerence, again the double-edged sword, one half and the other half. If you do not have balance in that and you don't understand the difference, and if you cannot see the flavor or the empowerment that you get in in understanding who you are and the actions that you made in your life to make you who you are today, those things are vital in terms of energy, in in terms of a collective holistic approach of healing. So much of my podcast and even talking about self-motivation, N like and again, people want to use the word negative and positive in terms of the double edged sword. ⁓ I just don't think there's a positive or negative in the sense it's a d it's it's it's like a tr a triangle, like one s there's one side and there's another side. But there's a balance in between that we're constantly dancing every day of our lives when we meet people. It it's not set in stone. It's n of course it's not set in stone. It's not set in stone in the sense that when you're in a relationship ⁓ and all of a sudden you fell fall out of love. That's not set in stone. We are human beings with a lot of frailties, a lot of innuendos, a lot of fluidity, the concepts of who we feel and what we feel. We have we have little to say about it because again, it's based on who we are, what makes us balanced. Has nothing to do with manipulation or or evil in t I didn't even want to use the word evil again. When I use that it's like positive and negative and I don't like the duality of it. Because there's the there there the i when you when you talk about duality it's like it's either or but real but it isn't. It's fluid. It's it's like movement. It's it's it's energy. So so ⁓ like relax. Close your eyes. Think about being in a dark room, no sound. And then think again like your your eyes are closed and you're there's nothing Nothing around and and all of a sudden you're hearing people come in. Your eyes are still closed, it's dark and you hear people come in sitting around you. And you know there's gonna be someone coming in in the middle of this crowd of people. And you see you hear it. All you see is darkness, but you know there's motion happening. And you you see and you understand that this person that comes in is gonna be wrapped up and tied up. And and and they're gonna have people there who are going to look at this person as if they're at a funeral. like as if they're going to prepare this person for burial. But really what they're doing is pre preparing this person to be the conduit of energy. Because what they're tying up is his energy, his or her energy. And what you're witnessing is your life. reflecting back on all the decades of what and who you've been. So I want you to think about that. Look again, it's all dark, there's nothing nothing around. All you hear is this commotion. Then all of a sudden you hear people singing. Okay, in in in this sense they're singing and then in the sense you hear the person is wrapped up talking. And and the person is talking as if creator and the grandfathers and grandmothers are listening to this person. And everybody in the in the room again are in the same position. They can't see no light, they can't see each other. They just know that there's others existing in the same room. And then all of a sudden you see lights and flashing and you hear sounds. You hear a a elk trampling through the center of the room and giving out a h a big yell, or you hear eagle feathers coming wiping against your face or fluttering above you. You hear things, you hear little twerks and stuff. Then again too they'll be burning smudge or or whatever in this whole darkness. I want you to understand this. The person and what you see and what your senses are, that's like what smell, feel you feel, touch, see, speak, all those are captivated in this dark room. You can't you're not able to use them. So what the hell are you seeing and what the hell are you experiencing? Basically, you're seeing the balance of everybody. That phenomena, that stuff. what you're hearing, that's a collective holistic entrapment collective of all the energy of the people who are in that space. All those people created that. And you're thinking, it's coming from the individual who's talking. No, it's coming for the people who are participating. If you s think it's the individual who's being wrapped, then you know that there's no you're you you're not balanced. You you you you haven't you haven't there's something in terms of hung prayers that that that you have to deal with. But when you realize like it's a collective holistic approach, then you know you're balanced. You know there are no hung prayers, you know that you've you're in a good relationship, you know that you're in love with your partner and everything is healing. So for the when the ceremony is over and and the singing is done and the prayers are done and people have talked and the lights turn on, the person who's been wrapped up, if everything has been in balance, you will not feel sexual energy from that individual. Because the sexual energy has manifested itself in the balance of the individuals who've been taking part in this ritual and ceremony. These things have been handed down for thousands and thousands of years in kinships and how we deal and talk with each other's energy rather than talking or speaking or seeing or feeling. That's why it's important to As human beings, no matter how much we think we have fallen in love or how much we love our partners, this fluctuation, this energy, this flow, finding and seeking balance is vital to our happiness. So those are the lessons I've learned, and this is why for me, when I try to pray for protective healing energy. For for a a human being that I'm attracted to in infatuation, I pray for protective healing energy for their mind, heart, spirit and soul. Because I don't want it to turn into limerence and I release them with protective reflective healing energy from from any self defeating illusion or dusion of of anything he or I he, she or whoever the the ⁓ prayer is for ⁓ is is is there with the guidance of the grand the grandfathers and grandmothers and creator's will creator and grandfathers and will grandmother's will is being done. So these things are spiritual practices that I believe in and it's taken a long time to distinguish and understand what hung prayers are. A lot of people ⁓ didn't realize and didn't quite understand. Like like this teacher who has passed away, he said it's that's how easy it is to kill a human being. When you talk bad about another human being, that's how easy it is. So even when we talk bad about ourselves and how we how we do this to ourselves and how we hang these prayers to ourselves. A lot of people talk about peeling away onion skins. Well for me I talk about it in terms of prayers and how how they're hung with it within our heart, mind, spirit, and soul. These things we don't have physical touch to feel or see, but they do exist. And sometimes we look at it and say, ⁓ well, somebody manifested in ceremony and ritual. No, someone didn't manifest it, you did, along with a collective holistic approach. And only when you're in a group or in ceremony that you understand the empowerment that you've taken on. Not the individual who's conducting the ceremony, or not the individual who's observing the ceremony, but it's the participants within the ceremony itself. That's what Creator has done for us. And if we understand this approach to our own ⁓ ability to ⁓ find balance and understand how we feel about another human being, it's important to validate these things every day of our life. We need to protect these things for ourselves and for other people. We're having a difficult time walking this journey. Because we don't know what h what people have done to these individuals. We don't know how much pain they're carrying. So these things I try to talk about in terms of the exploitations of Nathan Chasing horse. and how easy it was for him to recruit people who were seeking this validation, and how he bastardized the whole understanding of this holistic collective approach of healing. That's been around since for thousands and thousands of years, like I said, created clan systems for the Oshati Shakoi, the seven council fires of the Sioux nation, created ⁓ O-type bloodline, universal blood donors. through matriarchy, through clan systems. Things that were how we deal with the energy of healthy human sexuality, that energy that we carry, that words touch, smell, and sight do not s can't comprehend. This is what creator and grandfathers and grandmothers have gifted us with. So in that I will close my up my podcast. I hope you ⁓ have a good day to day and understand ⁓ these things that I try to do in terms of my podcast is is to understand like ⁓ I have a certain way of doing things and there are so many other people that have different gifts and different things that are contributing to making things run in this world. Like I made an analogy to my friend. I said we're like ants in an ant pile. When one ant moves, everybody shifts. I said, but then you have somebody who thinks they're not an ant and they fight the system. I said they they don't realize that they're they're not as bold and brave or as unique as they think they are. And it's sad because it's creator and grandfather's will being done. So anyway, enough of roman romanticism and some people would say enough of your delusional ways of thinking. And I'm going, okay, it's delusional, thank you. But hey, I've I've seen life. I've I've gone through so many things in my life and I continue. And I hope as long as I can continue ⁓ doing my podcasts I think the next chapter in my life is going to be dealing more with systemic racism and fighting racism and what racism is. Because it's not as clear cut as we all think it is. And at the same time too, like when I talk about healthy human sexuality and balance, it's not all that we think it is. The psychological terms and ⁓ way psychology teaches human behavior, I tr I try to give it in a very ⁓ nonsensical approach so that you can understand it and digest it. It's it's not ⁓ it's something that I try to gift people rather than ⁓ paying ⁓ a couple hundred dollars and ⁓ four months of tuition over a class fee. that being said ⁓ I do I do ⁓ get invited and and people do pay me. so there is some payment but for me in my podcast I I do this freely, hoping that ⁓ I'm able to help somebody out there who who may be having a hard time understanding what love is.