USA TV satYa Sioux Heros were Fables

https://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/video/dances-wolves-star-nathan-chasing-horse-accused-sexual-114067081?sfnsn=mo

I'll put in on my blogger site. There are other young men like Nathan exploiting our poor Sioux communities here in Canada. Having documentaries educate people about the dangers around ‘ritual abuse.’ Same buzz around oh how powerfully psychic he is. Those ceremonies were meant for healthy human sexuality not perversions around manipulation of other to control. Healthy human sexuality is a choice. Its not about violence. 

I hope people who are scared of ceremony understand not all spiritual people are predators. Most I've grown up around use these rituals & ceremonies to help in their relapse & recovery from childhood trauma. 

Again, thank you

A critique about this ABCNEW.go.com/nightline… USA TV tends to portray our Sioux heroes as being mystical. Crazy Horse & Sitting Bull were NOT FABLES OR BEDTIMES made up for a child’s bedtime story. Our ancestors were not made-up fantasies like Disney character or fable insime Greek tragedy. 

Haven't posted in awhile & efforts to get working website has taken a great deal of effort.

Hopefully my web sight will be operational with two weeks. 

 

I am standing in a dark shirt behind 

my Dakota Grandmother Elsie. I believe I was twelve years old

I provide culturally relevant insights drawn from personal experiences. The rising global in terest in indigenous knowledge necessitates caution when selecting trustworthy sources f or indigenous ceremonies and rituals. A significant number of women in three Canadian pr ovinces have been assaulted, with victim counts exceeding prior estimates. The Fifth Esta te highlighted the plight of 'The Circle' survivors, a group led by Nathan Chasing Horse, o n December 2nd, 2023. These incidents unfolded within the Tsuut'ina Nation in Calgary, r evealing long-hidden secrets. The community has endured suffering due to Nathan Chase Horse's actions, which I chronicled 17 years ago.

The exploitation of Indigenous girls and women by various spiritual leaders is a grave con cern. These individuals, in need of guidance, placed their trust in these leaders for help. R egrettably, this is not a singular event but a recurring issue that has persisted throughout my life. The problem continues even after Nathan Chasing Horse's arrest, with others emu lating his exploitative and manipulative behavior towards those seeking healing or attempt ing to recover lost cultural practices. They are in pursuit of an ancient prophecy or validation for their culture and language, stripped from them through Indian residential schools, f oster care, day homes, and adoption.

Indigenous peoples are confronting numerous challenges tied to our identity. Traditional c eremonies, like healing prayer rituals, play a crucial role in addressing the wounds of colo nization and fostering the resurgence of our cultural identity. These rituals are pillars in ou r journey to reclaim our heritage. Our community seeks individuals capable of meeting our emotional needs. While many young men find comfort in Yuwipi ceremonies, there are als o those who exploit our indigenous community for their own gain.

My website aims to be a sanctuary for those seeking affirmation in their pursuit of healing through prayer meetings. It's a place to find comfort in trusting one's instincts, especially i f they feel ceremonies may not be suitable for them or if they sense exploitation. The site is dedicated to helping people recognize the importance of strong allies, both for and amo ng indigenous communities. Its purpose is to define what constitutes a good ally and to of fer direct communication with me for those who have inquiries. As an artist, activist, and e lder, I offer various services, including crafting tobacco, smudge kits, and necklaces, as w ell as providing land acknowledgments and participating in anti-racism initiatives, youth e mpowerment, and commemorations for Indian residential school survivors.

I first met Nathan Chasing Horse on the HBO set of "Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee" in 2006. Prior to this, I hadn't taken part in yuwipi ceremonies, though I knew they were prac ticed in my community and others in the north. My upbringing was filled with tales from m y mother and other relatives about these ceremonies being a path to reclaim our cultural identity, but also with cautions against potential exploitation by those leading them. Nath an Chasing Horse's persona did not appeal to me; it echoed the roles played by my male r elatives, who performed sweats and Sundance ceremonies to gain support, often from wo men. Nathan's conduct, especially towards women who were infatuated with him, was par ticularly disturbing. I later realized that their infatuation was similar to limerence—a profou nd psychological attachment that often necessitates extensive psychotherapy to understa nd such persona creation. Nathan Chasing Horse had crafted a persona of a cultural reviv alist, sharing songs and rituals. The purpose of maintaining this website is to address trau ma, especially childhood trauma, and to challenge the persona Nathan Chasing Horse has created—one of cultural reclamation and sharing. He labeled anyone who opposed him a s jealous. This contrasted with my relatives' practices, where acting on one's prayers invol ved challenges. It wasn't easy for my relatives to face relapse and recover from childhood trauma. Understanding this is crucial. Medicine people should emerge from within our ind igenous communities, and our people must be aware of the assaults they have endured. T his process is somewhat akin to the 12-step program, which involves finding allies and support.

In 2011, I wrote a blog post about finally speaking with my niece. I had begun blogging fou r years earlier, but a computer issue caused me to lose my previous work, necessitating a restart in 2011. My focus was on the challenges I encountered and on raising awareness a bout a predator exploiting cultural rituals and ceremonies in many indigenous communitie s. I felt responsible for bringing this predator into my community, having arranged his cer emonies and rituals at $5,000 per session. I participated in seven of his Yuwipi ceremonie s, attended several of his sweat lodges, and one Sundance. I watched his supporters, met newcomers, and questioned his actions. Although I supported him until fall 2007, suspici on arose a year after meeting him, leading to confrontation. I confronted his followers at a sweat lodge, but they did not believe me. I challenged a support group of women who ha d sought Nathan's help for their teenage daughters, but again, I was disbelieved. Since Na than Chasing Horse was an American citizen, I had to wait for his return to Canada in fall 2 007 before I could report him to the police. My actions were due to the disbelief I faced an d the lack of responses to my emails sent to various organizations that had promoted Nat han Chasing Horse, seeking validation of his credibility as a youth worker. Despite disclos ing my niece's sexual assault to many, the support from the community was absent, influe nced by the persona he projected as a spiritual leader held in high regard.

It took me decades to come to terms with my own sexual assault, and six years for the ca se to reach court. This experience taught me the importance of supporting other victims o f sexual assault—simply being there and offering them eight minutes to be heard. I know t he pain of not being believed, and through my website, I strive to ensure my readers and t hose who email me feel believed and understood. Despite the two decades it took for the perpetrator to be apprehended, and for the young women, some as young as eight, to co me forward and file a complaint, I am profoundly grateful that I was able to maintain my Blog.

I'm an elder my. name is Marina Ann Crane My. childhood name is Haphan Kinyewakan - F lying. Holy. I am knowledge keeper of indigenous truths. My spiritual practices are Dakota, and I focus on healing through traditional teachings.

People do source me out via email or through my social media platforms. I book appointm ents for talks in public forums and on zoom conferences. I sell smudge kits and smudge n ecklaces, book tarot card readings and I am a Reiki Master. I am retired.

Prior to being featured on the Fifth Estate, I spoke freely about my experience with Natha n Chasing Horse; however, today, I find that must schedule interviews via zoom on this toa particular topic.

My marketing:

• zoom meetings $150 per hour

• tarot card reading $30 per 10 minutes

• smudge kits 15g $55 per kit

• smidge necklaces $45 per necklace

• land acknowledgement $300

• Indigenous Knowledge Keeper Sessions $300

• guest speaker price varies including hotel room, car rental, mileage, Honorarium • Reiki healing $180 per one hour session

• Reiki Teaching level one, level two, level three (Negotiable)

• Commissioned Acrylic and Oil Painting (Negotiable $3,000 - $6,000)

Keywords:

Nathan Chasing Horse, Murdered and Missing Indigenous People, Yuwipi Ceremony, Sweat Lodge Ceremony, Healthy Human Sexuality, Indigenous Ways of Knowing, Land Acknowledgement, Tobacco, Sweetgrass, Sage, Cedar, Smudge, Tarot, Reiki

Elder Marina Crane (Hapan Kinyewakan) is a Knowledge Keeper, Spiritual Guide, and Hold er of Indigenous Truth who identifies culturally as Sioux. Her spiritual practices are Dakod a, and her home is Tsuu T'ina First Nation. As a visual artist whose practice focuses on he aling through traditional teachings, Marina's artistic spirit is guided by Kinyewakan (Flying Holy) 

As a child, Haphan Kinyewakan was fluent in the Sioux language. The first day she arrived at school, the child’s teacher informed Haphan Kinyewakan that her new identity was Ma rina Crane from that day forward. Attending Indian Day School, Residential School, and cit y schools strengthened her resilience and ignited her social activism. Marina confronts ra cism through lived experience, bearing witness by naming it so that humanity may heal fro m the damage oppression has inflicted on culture and identity.

CERTIFICATIONS 

Aug 2009 – May 20 14

Supportive Counselling Certificate – Mount Royal University – Calgary, AB

Behavioural Strategies Certificate – Mount Royal University – Calgary, AB

Children’s Mental Health Certificate – Mount Royal University – Calgary, AB

Conflict Resolution – Year-long program – Course Completion – Mount Royal University – Calgary, AB

Reiki Master/Teacher Levels 1, 2, 3 – Dr. Alishia Mahmud Alibhai, PhD (Psychology) – Ca lgary, AB

Indigenous Addictions Services Certificate – Nechi Institute – Calgary, AB 

DEGREE

Bachelor of Fine Arts – Alberta College of Art and Design – Calgary, AB Aug 1998

Major in Painting – Minor in Drawing

Bachelor of General Science – Utah Valley University – Orem Utah, USA – May 1987

Major in Social Science – Minor in Science

Aug 1994 – Aug 1980

WORK AND VOLUNTEER EXPERIENCE

Elders Ways of Knowing - Planet Youth Spring 2022 Working with Youth Workers in establishing Youth Elder Programming Miskanawah.ca

Elders Knowledge Keepers - Calgary Anti-Racism Strategies

habituscollective.ca

 Elders Guidance Circle – Indian Residential School Memorial - Fall 2022 Nov 2021 – Present

Working with Parks Foundation, City of Calgary Parks, and the City of Calgary, Indigenous Advisors provided consultation on land allocation for Indian Residential School Memorial.

Mountain Standard Time Performance Art

Board of Directors – Director r 2024

Board of Directors – Interim Chair pt 2023

Moh’kinstis Public Art Guiding Circle – City of Calgary ne 2023

Working with City of Calgary to decolonize the city’s Public Art processes

July 2021 – Ma Sept 2022 – Se Aug 2018 – Ju

Indigenous Art Residency – Artist in Residency – City of Calgary Aug 2018

Mar 2018 – The Residency was under the umbrella of the Moh’kinstis Public Art Guiding Circle

Banff Centre for Arts and Creativity – Banff, Alberta Nov 2018 – M ar 2020

Elder and Knowledge Keeper for Visual and Performing Arts Programs

SELLING ONLINE -

Smudge kits grinded, milled into a fine combination of Tobacco, Sage, Cedar, Sweetgrass . Picked by indigenous peoples with land acknowledgments protocol labelled within the br anding of the product packaging. (15g smudge)

• $55.00 per Smudge Kit

• Smudge Kit with Smudge Necklace per set $100

• orders over 30 kits & necklace combination $75 per combination

Embracing our unique identities

 https://www.theglobeandmail.com/canada/british-columbia/article-dna-testing-shows-mary-ellen-turpel-lafond-has-indigenous-ancestry/

• Before Covid, a lady contacted me through ancestry.com. She told me that we were related and that she was looking for her father. I was concerned that her father might be one of my close relatives, like my late father or late uncles. As we corresponded, I tried to find out more about who her father might've been. However, I lost touch with her as time went by. 
• When Covid hit, she passed away in September. About a year after that, her son contacted me. He was doing the same research as his mother had done before. This time, he was looking for his grandfather, his mother’s father. I asked him for photos to see which side of my family he would be related to. As I wasn't sure it was on my late father’s side. I asked him for photos of himself & his late mother. After reviewing his photos, I realized he looked similar to my nieces and nephews, so he must be related to my mother's side of the family. Then I figured out which of my uncles could be his father, and I gave him a name. He contacted my uncle, and through my uncle’s partner, the son found his grandfather.
• The reason I'm sharing this story is that it was originally his mother who took the DNA test, and then he took the DNA test as well. This test, along with his resemblance to my relatives on my mother's side, helped him find his grandfather. 
• Prior DNA led me to have over 3,000 to 6,000 3rd -4th cousins & another 1000 first - 2nd cousins as a result. There are at least approximately 200,000 Sioux people in the Americas, and only a small percentage have taken their DNA tests. Due to the amount of traveling I've done and the reservations I've visited, I was able to determine the origins of the last names of these people. I have even met many of my relatives before knowing that I was related to them. 
• It's important to remember that there are various reasons why someone may not know their family connections. Some children were born out of wedlock, some women were shamed into keeping their father's identity a secret, and some people may have been disowned by their families. It's crucial to consider these possibilities when searching for family connections. 
• I also suspect that the lawyer, a female, within this story I originally posted initially claims she submitted her DNA. Within our communities there's family resemblance & oral history to fall back on. As the article on this lawyer being accused of pretending to be indigenous seems murky at best. She may have cheated on the DNA test, cause nobody watched her take the test, first of all. Second, there would relative from Norway House Manitoba who would be connected just like indigenous connection to thousands of my relatives. It's important to ensure the integrity of DNA tests, and I believe that she may have used someone else's DNA to pass as Indigenous from Norway House. In Norway House, most Indigenous people would recognize family connections based on resemblance, just like my nephew, who looks most Indigenous among his siblings and resembles my niece and nephew. 
• I believe this female lawyer should seek out Indigenous people in Norway House who look similar to her and double-check her DNA test to find out which Cree family she belongs to. It's also important for her to recognize the Indigenous communities she's related to. 
• It concerns me & many others that some people may falsely claim Indigenous heritage. I'm grateful that the lady has been reprimanded, and I hope that she can let go of any false narrative she created. It's important to respect the Indigenous community and not to make false claims of heritage. It also amazes me that non-indigenous people read these newspapers articles not thinking about what children stolen from our communities. 
• There's just no excuse to support this pretending female lawyer. She's in a lot of trouble from the bar association in BC. Like ibsaud its murky waters for those who do not get it. For decades we've welcomed home our lost relatives. 
• In the article there's no mention of any extended family or how many 1st, 2nd, 3rd & 4th cousins are indigenous. 
• 
  

I find this article interesting in that the focus is on her rather than an actual sample taken under supervision. She's is under disciplinary action yet there's no call for anyone to supervise her actually seeing her take the DNA test. I’ll explain why this is important, as its a process. 

It sounds my like someone lying on taking piss test by using some one elses piss in order to pass a drug test. Until some actually sees the person pissing in a cup the sample in question is questionable. 

This article has a specialist say she submitted but it was not supersized. 

There's the rub (please read the articles that follow) U’ll elaborate more on indigenous ways of know.

“I’ve been thinking about the fascinating questions and answers that could emerge if METL actually shared her DNA test results, and not just vague representations of what was found.

There are many factors that go into constructing an individual’s genetic ancestry analysis. Remember, these are not close biological relative tests that verify genetic connections between parent and child or between siblings. Genetic ancestry tests trace probable genetic connections (often distant) between individuals and “populations” original to continents. These tests are precise in some ways, e.g. the calculations they use, but imprecise in other ways related to sample sizes and how “population” categories are named and determined. Groups that are widely disparate geographically (say ranging from the north to the tip of South America) can be grouped into a population called "Indigenous" or "Native American." So-called Indigenous DNA markers are not specific to one Nation, People, or Tribe (whichever word you prefer). Also, “Indigenous DNA” alone (i.e. without tribal or nation genealogical documentation) is strongly found in individuals/populations sampled who identify not as Indigenous, but as “Hispanic” or “Latino.” Yes, they have so-called Indigenous ancestry, but Indigenous peoples are not defined only by such ancestry. And many who have it do not have an ancestor who lived among an Indigenous or tribal people for centuries. They have for centuries identified as other than what we today call Indigenous. Finally, there have been rare instances in which so-called “Native American” markers were found in individuals with verifiable ancestry in other parts of the world, and none in the Americas. Therefore, such tests cannot be used alone without genealogical and other paperwork to make robust determinations about an individual's biological, social, and political relationships or status. They can help, but they are not alone definitive. 

METL’s DNA test may well open up other scenarios for her ancestry, which she may or may not have suspected. But without comparing and triangulating her test results with documents and interviews with living people, we cannot assume the test proves her very specific assertion about being CREE from NORWAY HOUSE. She didn’t just claim to be “Indigenous.” Her specific claim has been strongly contradicted by genealogical, historical, and interview evidence.

Hold on and wait for actual data. If it is not forthcoming, the extensive genealogical and historical work done on METL’s ancestry to date remains authoritative. 

And by the way, if she did want to sue CBC and use those test results as evidence in her case, she’d need to release them. Then those of us who understand the intersections of DNA, genealogy, and Indigenous nationhood could examine them. Right now, she’s getting away with using her alleged test results as evidence in support of her to-date heavily challenged claims while not letting us see the evidence.”

 (Kim TallBear (She/Her) • 2nd Professor and Canada Research Chair in Indigenous Peoples, Technoscience, and Society at University of Alberta, Faculty of Native Studies)

The psychological damage is what was created so many who deny. Deny what its like to grow up in an indigenous community. 

Growing up as a Treaty I didn't realize all the different communities of indigenous people who were considered lower class than the Treaty people. The Sioux, Metis & Inuit were lower than Treaty people. As a treaty, if married any anyone who was not Treaty I would lose my status. Those from a lower caste who married a settler gained a higher caste status. 

Now this pretendians tell their traumatic story as that of a Science Fiction novel. Those who read & accept these stories are not holding space for what trauma really is unless they stop denying their own shame of being non-indigenous.

All people experience trauma!

The need to control a narrative that suits their trauma from the fictitious, romanticized, almost mythological origins of being indigenous, is damaging.

The results of trauma are real. The focus for all Indigenous people is entering into a renaissance for our youth by challenging these claims. The respect of learning from elders & seeing the sacrifices made not just these 100 years rather thousands is here.

I have relatives who actually are making an effort to find their orgins with the help of indigenous communities. When a pretendian lies about the lack of connection they are completely wrong.

It amazes me how public media focuses on the high achievements of these pretendians’s pretenses. 

Its like their ego wants to believe alien life is searching for them as a way of escapism. This colonial way of thinking that their standards is higher is so full of fallacies. 

The question they don't understand is what makes them think they are above the Creator, Grandfather or Grandmother. The saying we are related means just that. ‘We are raised to know those that came before us!’ This helps us!

Its these same people & their ancestors who did nothing when thousands of children who were dying in those hell holes called ‘Indian Residential Schools.’ Canadian government cared nothing about Caste an indigenous people belonged. Indian Act created this & its these pretendian ancestors who made themselves the highest Caste in Canada. SHAME! SHAME! SHAME!

Systemic racism exists from that of ‘knowing how to talk’ when in the company of non-infigenous for the sake of safety leaving non-indigenous people silent, or appearing to be complacent. 

A Caste system created by the Canadian government, elevated non-indigenous women into two castes putting them belonging to two castes: non-indigenous & treaty status. They not realizing, from their pack of education or lack of taught indigenous protocols, there was an even lower caste than what they married into. Within a Caste system there existed an even lower Caste, the culture of the ‘untouchables’ or (Sioux, Metis, Inuit). When these women either married or in common-in-law believe their privilege gives them authority is WRONG! It onky elevated them into two upper Castes.

They do a disservice to all those indigenous people who are reconnecting from being displaced. Stolen, adopted or fostered indigenous children, many search using their DNA & connections to the LAND.

When I gather smudge its not a ‘commercial enterprise’ rather way to identify, using protocols to help actual indigenous people reconnect with their Tribal ancestors, so they know who cane before them. 

Pretendians are like Sweetgrass. When I think of buying Sweetgrass rather than picking its so expensive. Decades ago nobody cared about Sweetgrass but now its a trend because it majes money, a way of idenrifying as upper Caste. Identifying as indigenous is a trend. But like all trends it as no purpose. Its lije an adduction. Their is no spiritual practice of reconnecting to the land or their tribe. For them, these pretendians, must traces their own ‘old world tribal connections.’ Way back before they were christainized’ 

Example, IF her European ancestors were WITCHES then she must connect with those ancestors using their protocols & not OURS. I see this happening in a twisted way. They are so far removed from their ancestors, these ‘settler’ or ‘colonial’ have lost their tribal roots from the OLD WORLD.

It was foretold of a WHITE SPIRITUAL ANIMAL will appear. This was centuries before Columbus. For 500 hundred years now this spiritual animal has lived in the NEW WORLD. 

Never in the history of humanity was or is there threats of mass extinction. It took 500 years & only noe are more & more people confused. Imagine a WHITE ANIMAL killing 100 million indigenous peoples im the Americas. Now, imagine the A-bomb capable of mass extinction events. Now, look at Climate change & the lack of disrespect for ALL ANIMALS & ALL LIVING THINGS. 

I tend to believe, in a spirutual sense that Creator isolated the indigenous peoples of the Americas for a spirutual teaching. Just think about what we as humanity (ALL HUMANITY) that we did so wrong thousands of years ago. We are experiencing these facts in our sciences. 

Yet evidence shows our ancient ancestors (ALL ANCESTORS) were connected then separated. CREATORS’ WILL BE DONE…

Women’s voices around the world

I posted this after hearing what a mob of men did to this journalist.  Its a frightening account of almost being torn apart by a Mob her & her crew were covering.

Decades ago I worked with military men who taught me how to find military ordinance. Yes, bomb fragments and fuses. They had experience working all over the world and made comments about places like Egypt. They said they had very little respect for life. And I asked, in what way? And they said, that they would leave like their dead animals in the open. And wouldn't bury them. But I think it went even deeper than that, when it comes to the treatment of women.

Sometimes people don't mean to hurt people. but they do. I think they hurt people unintentionally because they've been hurt. Yet there has to be some place of peace. There has to be some way that we can bind balance within our own selves. We cannot be traveling through this life, hurting others because we've been hurt.

In 2006 I met an actor on the movie set Bury My Hearted at Wounded Knee. He was an indigenous actor who had suffered greatly under an adopted father. After his abuse, He struggled throughout his young life with alcohol and drug abuse. He had claimed to have seen so much violence in his life that he refused to have any children of his own. I've since learned that he has adopted or fostered two children. I know life can be really difficult on children, and I don't suspect that it's gotten any better since I was a child.

Over the decades, with so much of my blog focused on Nathan Chasing Horse, an indigenous actor on this movie set Bury My Hearted at Wounded Knee. And yet, there were so many other indigenous actors, that I did meet, putting a different light on the impact that this movie had on me. I wish I had written more about what I had seen on the movie set than what I experienced off and away from. the movie set other than with my lived experience around Nathan Chasing Horse, but I had to mention this other actor because I just believe that he is such a dynamic individual and has gone through so much and has done so much to heal himself. Rather than focusing on on someone who has some childhood trauma and had some horrible way of dealing with his trauma, hurting so many indigenous girls, There are two different men that I met, and yet nobody wanted to hear this other fellows story. But yet they gravitated to an illusion or delusion of Nathan Chasing Horse. 

Maya Angelou -  said…this about LOVE 

It’s not an illusion or delusion, rather its our forces of truth, focused live & focus of soul letting go. I try to practice letting go & for traumatized people holding onto a safe space is not letting go. That safe space was created through an allusion or delusion to escape within our life forces. Creating protective, reflective, healing energy helps. Its why I love this quote, especially when we live in such a violent world.

I believe there's more to how we are attracted to others. A complete stranger enters my life & I fall in love. Throughout our lives, we meet strangers & this attraction becomes so overpowering. Deciding from a mental health perspective if its linersnce (delusional or an allusion). We process our feelings. 

Throughout my life, I've enjoyed meeting or hearing about another person’s life. I'm grateful for those who trust me. It takes courage to trust others. Many people are walking around like zombies. If any of these videos move you to trust those who are worth trusting then I hope the best for you. 

The year was 2007 HBO Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee came our in May 27, 2007 & June 2007 a disclosure was made & by the fall of 2007 I was blacklisted

 I will come back to edit

Sometimes people don't understand their own triggers. Healing does not mean those memories go away forever. Healing takes time & it is a lifetime of releasing those memories through a process you find for yourself. It amazes me too that as a storyteller it is my audience who varies. When I am physically present with them I can establish trust unless they first tryst me. If there is trust in them they can bear my stories without shame or guilt. 

Trust is a word. Trauma is a word. Confronting trauma takes trust first in oneself. The horror stories of people shocking themselves into greater depths of trauma cause they do not trust happen far too often. As I wrote the following, it was based on triggers. As we age we have a responsibility ourselves to understand our capacity to deal with trauma or triggers that bring up trauma responses. Many find escape in becoming addicted to love. The love of family & friends who are so enmeshed in their own addiction that it's difficult to navigate our own emotions. 

My own capacity to write from my memories of what actually happened in a timeline does not trigger me rather it the readers or viewers' response. I must deal with their own stories to settle them down from being triggered from my story. At some point I feel like fleeing or running to someone who can take away this loneliness. Then, I think, this feelingbus a trigger. I can not imagine nor do I wish this on anyone in recovery. The road of life becomes easier. It feels heartbreaking. I have heard many come up to me admiring what I did little knowing the whole picture of me. 

It's too heartbreaking for me when I get notice from a relatives who watched the documentary on the Fifth Estate. My cousin saying “its revolting how can our so-called Rez women do this and not tell anyone. Oh my god! Now you know why I didn’t hand out with them” Then, she finishes off by saying “But you done it!” Yes, I did do it. A friend also said that I have had time to reflect on the bigger picture. You see I told my cousin about being interviewed but she never asked. I never told her where to find the documentary either. I thought she knew what I went through after all our conversations. But apparently what I am writing about here is a result of her sudden kt seeing the bigger picture. 

Trust takes time so be gentle with your heart. Yes, I did it cause I know what it is like to be a victim that nobody believes. My cousin lost all her sisters. I know what it looks like to see my cousins and so many other indigenous women struggling to be believed.  Just thinking when a woman believes she is so badly hurt like no other. She suppresses her emotions to the point of being complacent. She returns to her abuser.

Its heartbreaking, yes. Sometimes it feel inescapable. It triggers me again and again. There is no place to run. I think, I have faced my abuser. I have confronted women who joined my abuser to violently milline my reputation.  

Just as there was nothing I could do to convince people Nathan Chasing Horse was a predator. Just as there was no convincing battered women to leave their abusers. Just as the wind sways, I too sway with addictions. I am not perfect nor have I written here to convince anyone that it was easy to warn others.

As indigenous women, we have become so  complacent it appears revolting to many as to why we continue to stay in such a harsh environment. Yet, as harsh as it appears from an open society, we do heal from within our closed society.

My cousin writes (Be happy you done what on one else would do. He is never getting out of jail alive. I tell you that. People know, hopefully it will never happen again to our youth. I am proud of you for that.) Five months passed by with her watching the YouTube video cause I did not tell her where to find it.

I visited her throughout this past year monthly and spoke about what I am doing but never asked to watch the documentary. I try to do things that appear fun. Like yesterday I used AI to create an aminated image of myself and a former lover. It was fun cause I know how to do it. It is fun showing my friends how tricky AI can be. Understand to that AI only sees me as Asian and not indigenous to the Americas, so I really do not look like what is rendered.

I am posting two links. One is a review of the movie Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee premiere, May 27, 2007. The other the date of the magazine article on Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee published in Cowboys and Indians, June 4, 2007.

'Wounded Knee' Film Set for HBO Debut : NPR

These are critical dates. See, meeting Nathan and his entourage in the fall of 2006. They lead me to believe they were poor travellers helping indigenous youth throughout USA and Canada on the kindness of others. Frist, you must understand the Pow Wow trail, we help our friends and relatives when they travel from Pow Wow to Pow Wow. So, my helping these people was not foreign to me or my late mother. At the same time, we supported my brother in his sobriety too. These people seemed dedicated to helping young people with addictions.

From March 2007 to April 2007, I engaged scheduled six ceremonies for Nathan each costing through donations of $5,000 each.  These were cash transactions. By May 27, 2007 many women and their daughters were totally convinced Nathan was a healer. Most attended Sweats (Inipi Ceremonies) and Night Lodges (Yuwipi ceremonies). We attended a premiere showing of the movie here in Calgary.

By June 4, 2007, as I am writing a proposal to seek out more funding for more Rituals and Ceremonies for the women and their daughters, my niece discloses what Nathan did to her. She did attend these rituals and ceremonies too; however, her mother was separated from my brother. The group was specifically for moms and their daughters. I worked tirelessly cooking, raffling  and writing proposal for more activities with the main event sending moms and daughters to Nathan Sundance in Wolf Point.

As more people became involved and as I confronted my niece and Nathan knew what she told me. Nathan distanced himself from me. I still hoped everything was a lie and that there were still women interested in having healthy bonding with the daughters in more rituals and ceremonies. I went to Wolf Point that coming July where I met people. I asked them about Nathan. I asked if they knew anything about his nonprofit. I kept in touch and helped get information to them about Nathans activities here in Canada in 2015. Tsuu Tina had already banished Nathans from here prior and the Tribal council in the states wanted to know how we did it.

2007 was a very critical year for Nathan as he appeared to become bolder showing off his teen brides at Bear Butte, South Dakota. After the fall of 2007 he recruited more girls from here as he was not successful in recruiting my niece. Keeping in mind he still convinced many he was helping my niece. Yet, it was all a human trafficking scheme.

I will say only this for the time being as it is very heart breaking. I was writing a proposal for more funding on my computer when my niece came over. She had new clothes on and was watching me type. I had a picture of Nathan featured in the June 4, 2007 Bury my Heart at Wounded Knee in Cowboy and Indians magazine. My niece was after me to invite her to the various ritual and ceremonies Nathan spent over at her place sleeping over at various times from the fall of 2006 to the spring 0f 2007 whenever he was in Calgary. I never thought her interest had a jealous nature to it cause I saw her a s child. She commented on that various things her stepdad allowed her to do with Nathan without a chaperone strange. It was even stranger as she asked me to attend the next ritual and ceremonies. I did not think it was because she suspected Nathan was cheating on her. As I am typing up this proposal, I a telling her I am trying to get more money for him for the time next he arrive in Calgary which was quite soon. 

She said, she was his girlfriend. I told her I was shown by Nathan a picture of his girlfriend and his daughter who was Roberta's younger sisters age. My niece said no! That Nathan only has sex with her cause he loves her. She pointed out to back up her argument that all the clothes she was now wear he brough her. Explaining to me how expensive each item cost. When I confronted her about him having sex with her I stated he was a man and that she was a child, to this point she ran away. I ran after her finding her on her cellphone to Nathan. I drove away as she ran back to her home, next door. I went to a relative's home to seek help. His non-indigenous partner convinced me to call Nathan and that she wanted to talk with him. In hindsight, I should have gone directly to the police but after all this non0indigenous woman was my nieces therapist at one time. After she talked with Nathan on the phone for an hour, she had convinced me that my niece had made up this story to get attention. This was in June 2007. It was not until the fall of 2007 that Nathan arrived back into Calgary. I reported this incident to the police whom I thought would keep every confidential. keeping in mind Nathan knew I did not believe him back in June, and July, 2007. 

I talked with various moms before Nathan came back into Canada that fall. People I grew up with, people I am family with, people who wanted to help their daughters, all turned against me. All gravitated, to the tit of the chief and council sucking at our band funds for themselves and their own needs. That is what is so heartbreaking. They believed a Lakota man who grew up in another country. I am as old as Nathans parents and I have seven great grandparents who are Dakota Sioux. Yet, they believed this  man was holy cause his followers told a narrative that suited them. They all wanted a magic wand or in this case a magic ritual and magic ceremony. I held out hope one of the moms would standup beside me, but no, everyone wanted whatever Nathan had to offer them and then more. It seemed people just could not trust each other. Everyone thought they were the closest, best honorable, dedicated friend and even to some point, holy. 

It just seemed like people were so caught up in their addictions that they just did not want to get off their joy ride and come back to reality. This is how it seems all these decades that went by so fast and yet for others like my little niece, died. Without ever knowing those that trafficked her, or those that chose Nathan over her. She tried to recover. I know she had a bad beginning in life with no fault of her own. She was born addicted. She was given up as a two year old until she was found a few years later in the foster system. All the the damage she went through being FASE and all those classifications people find to place her in a safe security place away from them did not work. My niece was turned against me. It was so bad at time that I had to get a restraining order against her. She believed her abuser so much so that she was completely lost. Yes, its heartbreaking. I do not think anyone could understand just how helpless I felt seeing so many people not believe. Really, for years she believed. She really truly believed she was Nathans wife. She truly believed she was his first wife from Tsuu Tina. One of my cousins put it bluntly. These women trafficked their daughters to this man. They sent their daughters to him. I do not know if she was trying to make me feel better but it still is very heartbreaking to know I could not save my niece. Nathan Chasing Horse is a monster. He cares nothing about girls, children. He sexually assault my niece, and probably had it in him to take her younger sister. A child, a girl as old as Ren Leone. My niece was innocent as Ren Leone played in front of Nathan while Roberta took pictures of him.

It seems for decades that all these supporters whom I grew up with thought they were all HOLY people cause they followed this clown, this trickster. Keeping in mind that he played the trickster in full view convincing so many he was joking, laughing all his way to the bank. Taking, manipulating  money from the very poor, seducing women and sexually assaulting their teen daughters. Feeding his male followers the spoils his conquests like they were less than human. And, those women who wanted what was best for their daughters truly believed they gave birth to holy daughters. When in fact amongst the Sioux, we as children are taught and treated as holy from birth. Its in our birth names, but did anyone care to ask me. Only a few elder Tsuu Tina know my birth name, my holy name, Hapan. As my Dakota relatives know these ritual and ceremonies were once good, but with Indian Residential School all  was taken.

Nathan was taught well by his parents, who were so poor they sold drugs to make ends meet. Just like so many before, selling something sacred to feed their children. This is what it means for the medicine to not be good anymore. Over a hundred years, all those battles my ancestors fought in the Little Big Horn so people like me could see what was worth sacrificing. Following your gut, follow your heart, follow the love of your people without retribution. I figure he will serve time in state prison, and if he serves a small amount, he will be taken to Montana for another court appearance, and if he served time in a Federal Penitentiary there he will still be brought into Canada. I have had time to reflect on this monsters life. He has a long road ahead of him appearing in court room and court rooms. There is no amount of money than can bring back my niece, Roberta. No amount of money that can repair the damage he cause in her relationships with family members. I know Roberta tried. I still believe I could not bring myself to attend her funeral. The anger I have for all those who denied her story. 

My niece is like so many indigenous girls, I have met, will met and will see falling through the cracks of this systemic racist system.

 Nathan Chasing Horse taught so many that it was normal to seek retribution when its not. We release those we love as much as we wish for their love we must. Each generation is new.  We do not need to create armies to fight decades, centuries for something we can not take with us on our journeys home.

TRUST IS A FIVE LETTER WORD

This is my home. This is my backyard view of the Rocky Mountains of southern Alberta

Good morning. Today is May 17th, 2024. Today it's snowing and raining at the same time., here in Tsuu Tina First Nations. It seems like my pod logging has turned into more of a journaling. Within this past year. I've just had some time to reflect. Yes, a lot of self reflection and a lot of networking. Acceptance of the reality of things I can not change. I've been very fortunate, blessed to have so much abundance. Invisible Helping throughout my life.  Its been quite a difficult year.

Everyone has issues around trust. It's part of the human condition. I've written about two acquaintances. I didn't understand how I became involved with these two individuals. Until I released them. A lot of people when they think about therapy or just finding someone. We forget to understand why we establish such relationships. This experience made me a bit skeptical on mental health workers who come into First Nations communities.

One person I knew for 30 years. Ironically. Even though I knew him for 30 years, I still didn't truly trust him. These past five years He seemed to be demanding more of my time. And this time meant that he wanted just me and him undivided attention.

The other person, I knew for about 15 years. Within a few months the demands on what she wanted seemed Irrational. A little history behind these two Is that they both know each other. Throughout the past decades trusting people who would listen and not judge me regarding my efforts to warn others about Nathan Chasing Horse was needed.

The first was a fellow, was a therapist to most of the leadership in the Treaty 7 area. For decades. In the second, she was a therapist who engaged with a lot of survivors of Indian Residential School. The first was m therapist over 30 years ago. And the second, was my recent therapist.

I'm not trying to be cynical about their credentials, only that these two individuals when I first met them got paid to listen to my soap opera stories. And therefore establish trust through a monetary space or exchange. This is a big issue into why I'm writing this short synopsis about my experience with them.

It has to do with trust. It's one thing to understand what trust is, and another to step back and think of their trust was based on an artificial space. The relationships based on an exchange of goods. I'd like to believe that they weren't pretentious; however, boundaries were crossed.

A little history about myself when I took psychology courses. I submitted essays on self reflection. I wrote about my trauma. I learned by doing so my professors remember me. As a student, I saw this salacious gossip, soap opera stories were excellent enough to receive good grades. Even though this seems like an artificial way of establishing trust, I fully did not understand. it was a practice. A practice in academics.

I didn't understand trust. In self reflection, I didn't believe I understood or had the skills to establish trust. Why you may say, maybe it to do with the phenomenon called, White Adjacency. Being in the presence of someone who can protect me or testify that I am trustworthy. It is also a form of self-isolation from others. You are afraid to trust others cause of the lateral violence, maliciousness within the realm of the salacious gossip created around family violence. You're afraid of the people you trusted the most who are now stocking your every move.

I believe people are so enmeshed into this codependent behavior they perceive it as normal. We see the bigger picture on the world stage when we see countries, governments dehumanizing groups of people.  We numb ourselves because we know we live in such communities. It is an environment we were all born into; however, as adults we can make change happen.

I'm not giving advice for people to leave their therapist or distrust therapy. I'm just talking about my own personal experience. Most will never invests so much time into the study of self in psychology. When you, know you have to release someone that you love; When you, have the confidence to build new relationships; When you, confront your fear. You're ready acknowledge how grateful you are for an experience only then can you move forward; however, trust is in the balance.

I thought I understood trust. I had the building blocks. I wanted to trust Nathan Chasing Horse. It was his inability to listen and his inability to take instructions. Much different than a helping professional like a psychology professor who is trained to listen and is trained to take instructions. Nathan Chasing Horse would not establish boundaries like how a professional therapist does. It’s the basic foundation of establishing trust.

I tried to help him by giving him the benefit of a doubt. He broke my trust within months of working with him. I reported his behavior to the production team on Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee. I confronted my niece in front of Nathans followers, I told them what she had disclosed to me months prior to their sweat lodge. Nathan was not there to defend himself; however, I tried to stop this group from attending Nathan’s Sundance that summer.

A little history about supporting sweat lodges and Sun dances comes from addictions to alcohol an drug abuse. For decades, addiction counsellors used these rituals and ceremonies to support recovery and prevent relapse of their clients. It is the core reason my family supported my bothers affiliation with Nathan Chasing Horse. It was the core reason I volunteered to help teenage girls. Their moms were desperate. Stories of these groups of teens venturing into the City of Calgary was dangerous.

Throughout the decades, many of Nathan's female followers would warn me.(They didn't trust me rather they had their own narrative) Telling me that Nathan knew about my obsession with him and he knew I was stalking him via my blog. It was upsetting and ironic that they never asked me once why I first connected with Nathan. They had no trust in me. It never got to the point of why I initially networked within my community to establish Nathan here. It was not for lust, limerence nor jealously. It was for the teenage girl. If anyone wishes to understand why I specialized in youth. It was because of my own lived experienced. I lived experience I still share to this day to indigenous youth groups within the City of Calgary. 

His followers did not want to see the years of study, the years of working with young people from all walks of life, nor did they want to see an educated indigenous woman. It difficult to write about Trust when for decades and decades to come people will continue to discredit me. Writing this story, these soap opera story is like THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS.

It is ironic. Decades went by with me not owning my own skills set. Grounding myself, loving myself in all of my personal flaws, is a work in progress. Rest assured, I understand Limerences, traumas and trust. Hoping Nathans female followers will heal and will reflect on how they treated other indigenous women who warned them about Nathan. It is no easy.

It may seem difficult to comprehend. And I'll try to explain it as simply as possible. When I wrote my psychology essays. I didn't ask my professors to pay me to read about my trauma, nor did I ask the police I reported the sexual assault to for payment. A crime was committed against an individual. I confronted my trauma in the courtroom giving it a name and bearing witness to my rapist that he hurt me.  Did I ask anybody to pay me to talk to the police? When the 5th state approached me, I did not ask for money. However. The feedback that I got from various community members was asking if I got paid or if they were going to get paid. From my own lived experience, I said it would be unethical.

In hindsight, when reflect on what I wrote here this morning by mentioning these two individuals earlier about monetary exchange. It seems like if one is a victim  a monetary exchange must be established before any discloser, or idealization of  something monetary coming from this exchange. 

Maybe its a colonial mindset, voyeuristic look at salacious gossip that it stops being salacious when money is exchanged. I really did not understand this concept fully as its all based around trust. My perspective on how people Trust versus distrust through an Indigenous len.

 

Spirituality - Trust within Closed Societies

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMMt25KFW/ .(taking advantage of Spirituality)

Throughout my life I've seen people oppressing or manipulating my parents, family members, friends with new trends of what they believed. Understand, all indigenous people are not all the same. When I talk about my family, I've had people surprising say that they didn't know my parents lived in South American and lived in India. Even though it wasn't years it still surprises people as they think all indigenous peoples are the same. 

There was this idea or notion set in place before I was born. Christianity would enlighten me, save my soul; however, with all that abuse or call it colonial mindset I swam through on a daily basis like a thick green slime  I’ve become a cynic. I mean not too all people. Only those with an agenda like Nathan Chasing Horse who had mastered this tactic so any years ago. His ideals of building trust on ideas that alludes, creates allusion or delusion about creation or following someone or something to connect me further into humanity or into a thing. Words used that create a microtransaction that made me feel like here I go again same agenda. Dehumanizing me into believing their trend.

I like what Trevor Noah says “social media has allowed people to now take advantage of spirituality.”

I believe I do breathe and connect within this blog as I am putting my feelings out there for people to read. As John Trudell wrote: We live in a time where are spirits are being eaten. Protect your spirit, he says. I also wish for my readers.

 https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMMtsUNem/ (Murdered and Missing Indigenous Women is historical)

I am grateful for the prayers of my 10,000 grandparents that came before me. I was exposed to indigenous women in need from childhood. Seeing women like my late mom walking around with bruised eyes or being very submissive. Hearing their violent life stories s seemly like salacious gossip throughout my childhood into my teens then being a young adult changed my life forever. At 5, I started being accultured into city life and Reserve life as the location of my Reserve was ideal for full blown integration. At 15, I lived in an Indian Residential School in Portage La Prairie, Manitoba for two years. At 18, I lived in a Halfway House in the City of Vancouver. At 19, I was sexually assaulted on my Reserve. By 20, while living in Edmonton, Alberta I found myself  belonging to an Indigenous Youth Group where I met Marie Campbell’s brothers Will & late John Campbell. I started to understand my realities of being an indigenous woman. Listening to this TikTok about Murdered and Missing Indigenous Girls and Indigenous women, I reflect on the many salacious stories of trauma lived by so many girls and women I met. By 25, I understood the shocking reality of my existence, and that I was not alone. My stories like so many before me like Maria Campbell’s book Halfbreed 1973 gave me the courage to share mine. 

Its ironic that despite writing, I wasn’t fully aware of my own trauma. Until I was contacted by investigative reporters of the Fifth Estate, I didn’t realize I needed them to help me understand Trauma & Justice. Don’t misunderstand by what I am writing, I was not coerced or manipulated by these reporters. It would be unethical for them and for me as well. I am forever grateful. For years I was met with skepticism. The repercussions of what was reported is a blessing to me. There were many of Nathan Chasing Horse’s victims who needed compassion and not skepticism. The Fifth Estate didn’t have to create a documentary on Nathan Chasing Horse. As an indigenous woman, I wondered why didn’t APTN not investigate. The efforts it took for a teams of investigators to join forces to create an Art and Culture Storytelling Documentary that was culturally sensitive s helped me understand trauma and justice. Its something to write a blog thinking nobody cares or nobody wants to help these children that Nathan Chasing Horse groomed. There is so much more I will write about human trafficking or systemic racism within leader and policing. Establishment that are created to protect keeping children safe doesn’t exist in the same manner university program. In my academic life I learned when writing psychological research papers. Doing such papers were written about my own trauma. I had to show the professors my vulnerabilities. In doing so I received good grades. So, my stories I told the Fifth Estate were stories I wrote over these past 17 years documenting emails from Nathan Chasing Horses victims. These investigative reporters trusted me. Understand this is the relationship I established with them helped them understand my perspective as an indigenous elder and an indigenous knowledge keeper. Trust between all of us was never an easy emotion to navigate. Its different writing a paper or a blog as I never meet my audience. The interactions with these reporters has made me forever grateful for their efforts and for the trust they all had in me. I repeat that trust is never an easy emotion. I will continue to say how grateful I am for the team of the Fifth Estate for the trust in my efforts to seek justice. I know at times it seems like I was creating a soap opera drama with my stories; however, I am a storyteller, a knowledge keeper. Debriefing my blog posts and stories of the many victims of Nathan Chasing Horse who will never have their day in court nor have a audience to heal from their trauma with him served a purpose. It helped me be reflective, be protective, and allowed myself to feel trust as a healing blessing for me and hopefully for the Fifth Estate Crew. And, most importantly for all the victims of Nathan Chasing Horse. 

 I wish all the best for those who read or those who were Nathan Chasing Horse’s victims. It took years. There were times when I could not even write Nathan’s name without threats of being sued. The salacious gossip created to manipulate me and oppress me ended once the Fifth Estate aired their documentary. I hope you, as my readers understand, my gratitude to this team of investigators. 

I hope my readers also understand the violence or threats of violence made by the followers of Nathan Chasing Horse is imaginary. I felt endangered throughout these decades. Imagine suddenly getting a text or email from a follower of Nathan Chasing Horse cautioning me about my blog. 

 After the documentary was aired, I’ve had women come up to me saying they cried. I’ve had women who were salacious towards me hid from my presence. I’ve tried to not have any regrets throughout anything I do or have done. I try not t hold a regret to anyone I met or will meet, hoping when feeling connected by saying thank you to them. I’ve had women come up and give me hugs. It still overwhelming even as I write. I hope you all understand it took sharing very traumatic life events.  

 When you’ve grown up thinking that this dehumanizing feeling is normal. When you are afraid to voice your opinion. When systemic racism isn’t about the color of a person’s skin, rather its how we as human beings think or treat each other. It’s not appropriate to dehumanize another human being.  We must find the courage deep within ourselves, this courage created by the prayers of our ancestors, if we listen deeply to our very souls. We will find compassion. Its this compassion that protects our very souls from being eaten. We must have the courage of understanding how protect the sacred.  

 The reason I use words for shock value is as follows: 

As we continue to work towards truth and reconciliation, it's important to recognize the distinction between Indigenous peoples living in Indigenous communities versus those living in urban settings. In Indigenous communities, most individuals are born, marry, raise their children, become elderly, and pass away within the same community. The sense of community and connection is strong. In contrast, urban Indigenous peoples experience a constant flux of movement and job changes, resulting in a lack of connection to their neighbors, culture. I lived in cities where I have felt a sense of being lost; however not to the point of feeing disassociated as some who are homeless feel.

For those in urban settings, the use of terms like "trauma whore" and "trauma porn" I often employ these words for shock value. While truths and reconciliations are important topics, we must be mindful of how we approach them. Indigenous peoples sharing their trauma stories may be seeking validation and acceptance, while non-Indigenous listeners may feel addicted to the salacious gossip of it all. I believe it from the lack Curriculum development used to educate non-Indigenous peoples in our schools. It's important to recognize the impact of our words and actions on others as, and also in how we approach these topics with sensitivity and respect. This is difficult when one side refuse to trust the other side.

 In a closed community, everyone knows each other from birth until death. But what happens when someone tries to confront their trauma in public? Creating a safe space for trauma can be difficult, especially within a tight-knit society. How it works is by family or community events like baby showers, weddings, dances and funerals. In a closed community we work together to create such spaces where we come together to support each other. Our community for example at funerals is where we can share our stories and support each other without fear of judgement. Community events that are life altering that have a lasting effect on all who take part.

 It's crucial for those who want to give their trauma a name to have a safe space to share their stories. We in a closed community continue to show compassion and support to each other's differences in how we heal our traumas. Together, we create safe spaces for everyone to heal and grow by showing respect and trust. However, it's important to understand that in open communities, this healing process is difficult to comprehend. Open communities are very transient and have very public attitudes of converting others to follow a belief system like Christianity or therapies. With the lack of understanding Indigenous closed communities, governments or oil companies and institutions hire Indigenous personnel. I believe again it’s the lack of cross-cultural training employee and employers. Indigenous histories are not taught in elementary, junior high, high school or colleges. It is only when an Indigenous student seeks higher levels like a PHD that they learn about Indigenous history. These individuals are hired to speak about how they bridge their cultural gap; however, from my perspective it's salacious. The narrative of trust does not fit into this narrative as their non-Indigenous audience only sees the narrative rather than the action does nor do they see the Indigenous personal narrative. It lacks action, compassion, and connectiveness to a healing process that is so foreign to non-Indigenous people that they want to romanticize or mythologize it. It is this mythologizing that I call Trauma Whore and Trauma Porn.

In committing to creating safe spaces like baby showers, sports events, marriages and funeral we learn trust within each other where all who participate their stories, without fear of judgement or ridicule. Together, we have made difference and in making the difference by allowing our indigenous ways of knowing and our indigenous ways of healing to hold space in non-Indigenous open communities. It become salacious without it being. It is a straightforward way of saying this is what we ae doing for our truth and our reconciliation, and again, does it understand why its so transient coming from an open community. Does it understand why its so untrustworthy.  #trauma#community#safespace

Artificial Intelligence Rendering me from numerous photos

This is not me as I am a buckskin beauty. Have you ever taken a photo that makes you feel less than perfect? We've all been there. Our flaws and imperfections seem to be magnified, making us feel self-conscious and insecure. But what if I told you that sometimes, it's not even real? Take this photo, for example. Some parts of it are me, but it's mostly artificial. My hair is a white color, and my forehead, chin, and neck have been elongated. Even the width of my mouth has been altered. It's a good reminder that not everything we see is real, and it's important not to compare ourselves to unrealistic standards. Let's embrace our unique features and imperfections, and remember that they make us who we are.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMMtG2BBL/ (sex trafficking)

Female being kidnapped kept captive. 

When we talk about a woman not being uniquely attractive by the standards of most men; however, when it come to male sexual responses related to sex trafficking there a deeper understanding how of society looks at attractiveness.

Attractiveness is never the reason why women face violence from men is because there are violent men who exist. I agree with the TikTok host. There are also women who never want to hold these violent men accountable. The salaciousness of what I coin in my own words as "trauma porn" and 'trauma whore."  coming from women who in my opinion every time a woman reports a violence 'we need to check her intractability rating" It like a voice inside their minds saying this. I think It's like porn. it becomes addictive & a abnormal human sexual response like a whore. (Keeping in mind the word used is for shock value and both men and women can be both describe as whores. And, we are all suspectable to addiction) I agree from my own lived experience people didn't believe my stories of the violent acts Nathan Chasing Horse committed. All under the guise that these girls he took were HOLY and he manipulated their single moms that their daughters need his spiritual guidance. The violence that they lived I could not dare to imagine. For me, I had one of Nathan followers actual come in from the Arizona, a she participated in our Winter Wacipi. Afterward. without ever meeting me, she text me saying she wanted to watch me, basically check out my attractiveness for credibility sake. The scenario I pictured in my head was like as who would even want to touch me, obviously not Nathan. Sometimes, when I think his cult followers having this distorted sense of self with this intractability rating. If the victim, or the truth teller was unattractive then she much be jealous of all his followers cause only attractive people are HOLY, not some weird fallacious of only beautiful indigenous people could be around Nathan Chasing Horse. Its as sick as #U(K in my opinion. So, I posted this artificial rendering of myself to prove a point. 

lastly, watch the Tiktok and listen to the story of people trying to rescue this trafficked female. Understanding to that when Nathan Chasing Horse was arrested he had instructed his cult followers to shoot anyone. He did not want those sexual objects that were so pleasurable to him and other violent men to be taken away from him. For decades he manipulated his cult follower's sexual responses as if this violence was normal.