Predator alert

Just when I think this predator is staying out of Canada he shows up in Saskatchewan dancing. He thinks just cause those 15 years he harmed are now 26 & 27 years old that he’s welcomed back into my community. He wrong. He’s dangerous. His oldest daughter would be 30 years old. 

Why do I waste my time on such a disgusting human one may ask. Well, when I was a teen I was brutally raped by two men. I was so ashamed. It was a premeditated crime involving two other teens who set me up for two adult men. As I tried to escape the two teens just sat there doing nothing. 

So for decades I did nothing about charging these two men or the two teen boys. These men had wives who gossiped about me & built up tgeir own stories. Lateral violence to try and keep me silent a concept I didn’t understand cause I had a child’s mind. I was a teen. 

Everyone just stood by believing it was my fault including my own mother. As a victim of sexual abuse and as a female surrounded by women who only knew how to hide or keep their own abuse silent. I felt helpless. I hung out with women 15 years older than myself just so I felt protected when I’d go out into bars or nightclubs. 

I left for another country and found my voice. I had issues of trust. As in this world of women, each one of us has our own way of surviving. It took me some time to realize people’s opinions of me was none of my business. So you see, my shame and feelings of guilt from being raped had me coping in a totally inappropriate way. I without knowing it cared what people thought. I’d do anything and everything to please my peers. 

It felt like having a scarlet letter printed on everything I wore. It was extreme. Yet, as the years went by and my studies in psychology as well as visiting therapists. I started hearing my voice. My thinking started changing. I knew I couldn’t be totally free until I came home. Home were people thought of me as some scarlet lettered woman whose husbands were not safe around me. 

All the structures I had built in childhood friendship and just older women meant something about my character. I’ve outlived all my female friends. These women shared a common bond that was denying being raped and sexually abused. It was like a sisterhood of women who enjoyed only certain things. As I reflect back I don’t think we could have ever talked about sexual abuse. 

I only mention my background so that you my audience knows that it took me my lifetime to heal and to establishing healthy relationships. Many who read or who have corresponded with me personally do read what for many seems an easy topic to discuss only cause I’ve done the work. I don’t have a magic wand as sexual exploitation still triggers me as well it should anybody. 

There isn’t any safe place for young women within our communities unless its family based. Many abused women married into my community and have daughters.  It’s may sound nasty but who said truth is pretty. These abused women can not cope when their daughters starts becoming sexually active. So, they try to marry them off rather than take responsibility for raising a daughter. And it’s not not women marrying in it’s also the historical female sexual exploitation done within the communities they marry into as well. 

Especially when the female gender is looked down upon as good for only making babies and nothing more. It made seem stereotypical; however, I’ve seen girls 14, 15 & 16 pregnant I’m some isolated communities. And like I’ve said some women who married into our community came from abusive homes. (As result if Indian residential school uobringings) 

I couldn’t comprehend why a woman would give her 15 year and old daughter to a man old enough to be her father. I know the daughter and her peers were getting into drugs but that still doesn’t justify breaking the law. The age of consent is 16. This small group of girls shared or hide their secrets. This cycle of secrecy was starting again. Only this time, I stepped in confront the perpetrator. 

Maybe if I had a husband who stood by me or a brother who stood by me my community would have listened immediately. However, should have, would have and could have didn’t safe the day. For you see, ritual abuse is apart of our human condition. Some people chose to not to believe while others choose to watch and very few champion the cause. And, some appear to champion the cause only to be a perpetrator themselves. 

As the years went by and this perpetrator continues to harm 15 year old girls, he’s got a group of women who travel with him. They do a good job presenting him as a good husband to all five of his wives. Yet, as the decades went by he still hasn’t been caught or paid for his crimes against indigenous girls and indigenous women. 

Keeping in mind, his female followers are just like my rapist’s wives. These women fear for their lives in threats of being beaten. Their trauma keeps being triggered as a way of controlling them. These women got so involved in their addiction to their sexual partner that their stories become all to familiar. Psychologists, therapists, called them social workers too will identify such women by the stories they hold onto. They repeat the story over and over again as a reason to not heal cause they truly believe there is nothing the matter with themselves. 

Abusive relationships tend to condition each other into hiding the true crime. Our feelings as human beings is constantly flowing forward like energy. Trauma of any kind stops the flow or we stop the flow; however, cause it’s constant it takes a lot of energy to keep holding it at bay as it’s never really stopped. It will eventually be released. Sometimes, this release is at our own deaths. 

Healing energy is what allows us to release the blockage we created. For me, writing this blog has released much energy or has given up energy used to block for other this things like looking after my health. Allowing no blockages or as some would say opening up the chakras.

Well, getting back to spinning my wheels regarding this prepetrator, triggered my reasoning for writing about abuse. As it’s not something that I thought what like taking a magic wAnd and waving it over someone’s saying saying your cured or your free. Behavior is not that easy to change. My niece and me we still seek out therapy and I still refer people to therapy. 

But the world isn’t that simple. Our energies are here to elevate each other. This task isn’t meant to be easy. In all the Sundance songs or sacred songs this task is mentioned. For some, it’s only a season, for some it’s a lifetime of exploitation and for others it’s a way of life. I tend to realize we are a warrior society. Each one has a task to keep each other moving forward. 

My understand is what doesn’t help me seeking out the forces of truth, love and soul is blocking our purpose here. So, whether you think this NCH (ChaskingHisHorse) is gifted. Only you can judge for yourself. As for me, he’s a psychopath who owns his women. If our society is so distorted in human deviancy that we elevate a pedophile into a sacred state then what does that say about protecting our most vulnerable. 

Genocide created such despicable humans who morphed into dangerous predators that our indigenous men cannot go out and capture them. Our societies protected us from such shape shifters. I truly believe we are not lost souls rather sleeping gaints waiting to be awaken. We do this by becoming educated and by protecting those we love and those who love us. 

I was full of anger and rage when I started writing over ten years ago. It brought so many memories of being a teen. I felt alone and unable to protect myself. Seeing girls being hurt triggered feelings I had kept hidden. Writing related any anger or rage and I believe as I dealt with being raped. Seeing the surviving rapist go to prison, knowing I wasn’t doing this service out of revenge rather doing it for myself. I think that’s the key. As difficult as it is revengeful feelings are just that and nothing more. 

I’ve had time to reflect back on all the famous indigenous people I’ve met and know. In all my decades walking on Mother Earth anger and rage is a normal human feeling. It’s like surfing on a wave once your on the wave you must ride it through. those who took their anger and rage turning it into revenge are still falling off their surfboard before completing their ride. 

Namesta