Isolation, grief & chronic stressors trigger my propensity towards limerence & obsession. There is a difference a crush and limerence. Limerence is the intensity.

 

How can you differentiate between a crush and limerence? It comes down to levels of intensity. With a crush on that person, he or she IS NOT on your mind the whole time. from the first thing waking up in the morning to the last thing at night. Feelings you have around that person are seem as being hypervigilant on your part. With a crush you are not hypervigilant, you are not micromanaging however, Limerence you really are hyper focused on every word you have said to that person. You are trying to analyze everything that other person is saying and how you are responding to their body language. Having a crush on a person DOES NOT generally have this intensity; hypervigilant, micromanaging, hyper focused on every word said to that person you’re in limerence over, analyzing everything that person is saying with their words and their body language. (@marriedtherapists) it’s NOT FINE in that Limerence can stop you from being around the other person and how you function around them. I believe it's difficult for an indigenous woman, a woman who as a childhood experienced trauma. I can only say indigenous as this experience was centered around the gathering of indigenous women attending a “healing conference.” I was explaining how so many indigenous women were crushing on my Indigenous male resource person. I told her that I experienced limerence with him. I told her I spoke to him about these intense feelings I was experiencing around him. I wanted him to know that these feelings were not love based nor an infatuation rather were feelings of intensity. I needed him to understand these feelings were surfacing for me and that I had experienced this before. I wanted to handle these feelings appropriately. She said to me that she could never tell a man about her feelings. This woman I’ve mentioned is my cousin. I told her I did and that I still do whenever I have propensity towards Limerence and Obsession towards a human being or object. (@hapankinyewakan) I can see how limerence can be so crippling and socially awkward. I also can see how the person or object being limerent over can also manipulate and hurt the person in limerence with them. (object: gambling or drugs) This can be seen as a phenomenal in a ceremony (object) or adoration of a person in a position of authority. 

My voice means something. White savior complex is a very difficult process for non-indigenous people to process without being tempted to save my indigenous soul. It’s must feel uncomfortable & the urge to convert me is inappropriate. It’s an important topic to understanding our cultural differences when reading my blog. My blog was setup for indigenous girls & indigenous women to read NOT non-indigenous peoples. Inter-generational trauma trigger’s & fight or flight responses over decades & decades made me very self-actualized. Practicing being present & being in this moment or in the now doesn’t happen overnight. 

When it comes to isolation. During the pandemic, I don’t know what I would’ve done without my friend Kate . She was in another province, and we spend anywhere from 6 to 10 hours talking. Throughout my life when it’s come to being isolated, it didn’t really occurred to me that isolation could be a trigger. I think it started when I was eight years old. When I was in isolation, almost dying from infectious hepatitis, double pneumonia. Isolation to being in a secluded spot where there’s nothing but trees under brush, wild animals, and all I had were my siblings and my parents. Are used to see the elderly indigenous people that my late brother and I would go and visit. It’s never occurred to me. That isolation would trigger limerence and obsessive thoughts.

The other trigger is grief again who would’ve thought. And yet throughout my life are use going to university. During my last year, I sat in a circle with my peers and I asked them how many people did they know internetwork, who had passed away in the four years that we were all together. I realized that being indigenous I’ve been around so much death. When we were discussing death, and then I found the majority of my classmates maybe one or two had someone they knew, would passed away within the four years. I explained that I knew at least 50 people either directly or indirectly, who died. again I didn’t know that grieving triggers, Limerence, and obsession thoughts. 

The other trigger is chronic stress. When I lived in the United States, I experienced a lot of chronic stress going to school full-time I’m going to university full-time. Little did I know that it was triggering limerence and obsessive thoughts. I’m going to explain the process for healing for me. I had to leave my community a community where I would have triggered responses in terms of grief and isolation. My late brother would say to me go out and meet people don’t isolate yourself. And but I had to go to another country and experience. Chronic stress. It didn’t really occur to me that I was so comfortable in chronic stress that I would systemically recreate such an environment. I a perfect example of this it would be in February until now. I didn’t realize I was creating chronic stress. Since finding out that Nathan Chasing Horse had been arrested, and I would frequent the casino and lose. I basically was creating chronic stress.

Sometimes it takes something to trigger an a-ha moment. The realization that how long is it gonna take me to understand all these triggers how long is it gonna take me to understand that have a propensity to limerence an obsession. I didn’t know I have seen it throughout my life I think if I had chosen a different path I might not have been Self actualized. That book Edward told the power of now it really means something. To come out of that cocoon or that environment of Nuturing, isolation grief and chronic stress is a very powerful affirmation. Having a propensity for limerence and obsession is nothing you as I’ve been struggling with it most of my life. However, understanding why I’ve been using it as a coping skill rather than eliminating such a inappropriate skill isn’t as difficult as as a first thought.

I don’t believe there’s a cure for this propensity to to Limerence, an obsession only because every person experiences, Limerence and obsession to some degree. It’s the degree that is most concerning. Are use the analogy of having a propensity to think of having sex with a child. The propensity doesn’t become perverted or destructive when it’s a fantasy or a thought; however, from previous studies in psychology, it’s the understanding that once you act on that thought, and it becomes an action that it becomes a point of no return. My propensity for limerence and obsession hasn’t taken me down that path; however, it is giving me some insight in how to spot such behavior and others. I truly believe this is why I was able to spot  Some behavior, a Nathan Chasing Horse that seemed quite familiar. 

This is one of the reasons why I’m explaining Limerence and obsession. This is what one of the reasons why I’m trying to talk about the difference between infatuation and Limerence and why the two are not the same and why one needs a lot of deconstructing, reconstruction and affirmation for it to be eliminated. It becomes very self, defeating, thought that when you’re find yourself in isolation, grieving and in a chronic state of stress that these thoughts come up to sooth you to comfort you, and to make you feel that you’re safe. It’s an appropriate coping mechanism a soothing mechanism, mechanism that falsely portrayed you as thriving when you’re not you’re basically not doing that you’re basically self defeating, get to the point and extreme behavior of self harm. So that is the main concern why I talk about the difference between infatuation and limerence.

I am hoping within the next few weeks with the help of few acquaintances, and colleagues to do a zoom podcast. We will be discussing limerence obsession and infatuation. I believe the focus will be on indigenous way of knowing. As Limerence, an obsession is common in all human beings.