Self Proclaimed Medicine Man, Nathan Chasing Horse used deceptions: Sometimes I wonder

This was my experience in confronting Nathan Chasing Horse in 2007. He had no compassion for his victims. His propensity for girls started being more openly displayed by the summer of 2007. Documentaries, Articles, Indigenous Podcasts, My Podcast is under construction. Archival documenting yearly posts posted with transcripts will be published here. I’ll also link my YouTube videos associated with each podcast published. I also created a link to my GOFUNDME account. I may link my TikTok account

Friday 23 June 2023

Sometimes I wonder

Years ago my audience was directed to young indigenous girls and young indigenous women. Today I find myself caught up in a system that is not safe for me to express my opinions on the subject of Nathan Chasing Horse. sometimes I wonder who can I trust. For decades, I was invisible, and now I’m finding myself to be open to the public. I’ve grown up my entire life in an integrated system of systemic racism. I understand how white fragility plays huge part in how people may see my blog. It is for this reason that I wonder if I’m doing the right thing in bringing awareness about the mental health crisis as girls and indigenous women. The Canadian government issued a statement a few weeks ago about a state of emergency for murdered and missing, indigenous girls, entering teaching us, women, two spirited indigenous people.

I’ve seen and heard young indigenous influencers talk about the many people they have to block on their social media sites. Despite the efforts of explaining what it’s like to live in a first nations community.Sometimes I wonder if there’s any hope for reconciliation. As it seems and appears that it’s only one sided. The more we voice or opinion the more we are critic criticized in the more we are criticize the more we realize that this voice that we have developed was never allowed to be heard. This is why I wonder if the people who are reading this blog realize the significance of the story I write.

It’s understanding that generations of generations, indigenous people we’re not allowed to even utter a word on their behalf. They were not allowed to stand up and defend the very voice that was silenced.I’ve grown up my entire life in two worlds. Decades ago I had a friend who made a statement about people of color. She had noticed that the waiter was waiting on us, had an accent. My my friend was not indigenous, so she made a statement of how easy her white privilege was. At most white privilege people don’t have to learn more than one language. She said she could not imagine, moving into a country whose language was born to her. That she would have to adapt, and how difficult it would be for her to learn another language, and to work within that language.

So I wonder people understand how difficult it is to be across culturally educated indigenous person. I’m not going to explain the difficulties that I experienced my entire life that’s not the purpose of why I wonder about things. The important thing that I’d like people to understand, is that this isn’t just an indigenous problem when it comes to cultlike behavior. Cults of existence since the beginning of time and people have naïvely participating and being groomed and indoctrinated into these cults, ritual abuse is part of the behavior within a cult. Try to imagine the difficulties it would be you to dingy brief defragment deconstruct a behavior that myself and others have thought was normal our entire lives. Then we get an education and we start attending therapy and then we realize that a lot of. Our thoughts are self-defeating.

Then I wonder why generations after generation are these ways of thinking these ways of self-defeating behavior, so entrenched in our culture that we have to protect our very children and our very girls from rapist, and from people who love to manipulate the savage out of us. This is what it feels like to be colonized. It’s the reinforcement of negative self talk. Are used to say when I was talk to OB and listen to a white privilege person, especially a teacher or an employer that it was because they were smarter than me.

It makes me wonder when I when I speak the truth about my lived experience. What does the person who is the who is the opposite of me listing actually hears their own voice. I wonder if they understand that making a statement that they are sincere such whatever I’m going through that I will come out of it a lot better emotionally. And that once I come out of this traumatic event that I would be a little bit smarter because of my lived experience. It makes me wonder if the person understands their own white privilege. I don’t really I don’t really think the person realize it’s just how difficult it is for anybody who has gone through a traumatic experience how difficult it is for them to even have the courage to seek professional help to even ask for help and even trust the person that they’re seeking help from to be compassionate towards the struggles, they are facing.

Sometimes I wonder if people understand what so compassion means. I don’t have I don’t tend to believe I have a solution to the mental health crisis. I do know it’s a lot easier to put yourself in a position of looking inward and seeing dissecting deconstructing what you see but it’s another thing to actually Have lived experience within that culture. Because you can’t have compassion unless you have self compassion for your own life, your own trauma, your own psychological, struggles your own human social responses, your own drama, your own tragedies, your own grief, your own joys, and your own ways of living. All I ask for those for reading this blog is to be compassionate towards the victims is that I talk about or to understand that there’s a history behind indigenous girls and indigenous women that we had no control over. We were born into systemic racism towards us, we were stamped at birth to be seen as it visible, and to be used And abused by anyone at their privilege. It’s difficult for indigenous girls to grow up in a family with violence is perceived as being normal normalizing brutality towards indigenous girls and indigenous women, and then to project it into white society, as if all societies behave the same. And then if there is some truth, there is some truth for all women. The file on speaker experience on a daily basis And the patriarchy in Misogyny of being afraid if her partner is a narcissist, understanding that there’s very little resources for women to escape such partners, very little resources for women to feel safe and comforted and guided into living a healthy, beautiful life. It’s my hope and desire that all women find courage to walk there talk, because if we don’t , and if we do not encourage mental health, the price is too great to pay. We’ve seen this so many times. I’ve buried so many young indigenous women. I am blessed to be an elder that I’ve lived through this crisis in my own way, and yet even how I’m perceived, as an elder is also Biased.

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Memories of my late mother saying her dad, my grandfather taught her in a warning that the Dakota Medicine was good, but not anymore. As far back as 81 years ago, fake medicine people deceived their own people for money, power, and glory. Our grandmothers showed us through their prayers helping us celebrate love and helping us celebrate life within our families. Through my own lived experiences, I had to eliminate my own self-defeating behavior. Our people are depending on us to bring justice into our Indigenous Communities. Our Indigenous girls and women are going missing at an alarming rate and are being human trafficked. With little help in finding them or bringing their killers or abusers to justice, I started this blog. I never thought I would live to see such as year as 2023. Today, I feel blessed to be able to hold those who reached out to me in high regard. I am truly grateful, Creator’s Will guided me in my lifetime to see Nathan Chasing Horse arrested. And, yet at the same time, I grief for all his victims who died before they could see him brought to justice.

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Intergenerational truama further perpetuated.

It was a HBO movie set I first met Nathan Chasing Horse. I worked along side my late mother who was literate in Dakota. We didn’t spend too much time with him as he knew how to somewhat speak Lakota. Mostly we were around Actors like Adam Beach and Eric Schweig teaching them the proper pronunciations. My first impression of him was not that of an actor rather that of an indigenous young man with many ex-girlfriends. I ignored his arrogance as I managed my way through being a consultant on behalf of my later mother for the Director and the executive producers of Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee. Micheal Spears was stopped at the Canadian border so his role needed to be filled and since Nathan Chasing Horse was available he auditioned for the part with my mother speaking Dakota to him. The original intention of the movie was to have most of the dialogue in Lakota; however, as production started only few dialogues were kept. The Sioux culture needed representation. I advised them that the songs sung in Lakota would add a difference to the lack of dialogue and they agreed. I suggested they use Nathan’s singing ability and his ability to pronounce Lakota correctly as an asset. Prior to this Nathan was only hired as a stand-in as a Sioux Jailer for Sioux prisoners, nothing more and nothing less. It was in the fall of 2006. Nathan made connections with my younger brother and my oldest niece whom I took on the movie set. My brother started promoting Nathan in the schools and asked if I could help connect him with others within my community. From the ending of the movie in November of 2006 until March 2007, Nathan, and his entourage of three men left. During this time, I reached out to my friends who were having problems with the daughters. We met and hatched a plan to raise money for the mother’s and their daughters to attend Yuwipi, sweats and Sundance. It was the trip to the Sundance in Wolf Point that would cost the most. We tried to fund raise that turned out to be a disaster; however, once members of my community met and supported Nathan the money for the Yuwipi and Sweats were found, but not the Sundance; however, my younger brother was helped with Nathan and his entourage for his Sundance in the summer of 2007. Our ancestors carried within them intergenerational trauma that was further perpetuated in the creations of Indian Residential Schools. It’s a dark place of racism and genocide. Much of what I’ve written about pertains to sexual deviancy. I basically thought the 12-step programs of AA, Al-Anon, Sex Addiction and other 12-step programs helped. As we’ve all grown up around family violence; I’ve met many men who were exposed to such extreme violence. Much I write about here is focusing on is Limerence, because of intergenerational trauma. As the Yuwipi focuses on Limerence practices and I believe was once good. I’ve found as more and more non-indigenous people and indigenous people seek out by cultural appropriation through exploitation. Culturally appropriating our sweats and ceremonies doesn't mean you are healed or that you are automatically adopted into an Indigenous way of knowing. Being around indigenous communities isn't a place to hide your disorders rather it needs to be a place of communities like AA, Al-non and other 12-step programs. There’s no magic wand nor some psychic Psyche who can conjure up a quick fix. It takes time and a lot of hard emotional work. It's just sad that our own people are predators to our own girls and women. I was born into such a way of thinking, and I don’t blame anyone. I’ve learned we as human beings have more in common than our differences. This need for validation and acceptance is as old as time itself, so be kind to yourself and love the person you discover within yourself.

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Friday 23 June 2023

Sometimes I wonder

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Intergenerational truama further perpetuated.