When I was younger I developed an interest in biographies. How a person lived & what things they did that made them unique. I never thought I’d become obsessed with getting some sort of validation. Something that would confirm my suspicions about an individual’s behavior as in what motivated them to be who they became.
A few months ago I started writing about a fellow who ran away from Canada. I’ve said canada is an a apartheid country. Some say I’m mistaken yet, when I’ve various indigenous people who feel they are a little better than me, I wonder.
Decades ago, as it started decades ago, I was sexual harrassed and sexually groped by a guy around my age. It’s normal human development considering we both didn’t know how to act being attracted to each other.
What I’m getting at was that he claimed I was the only indigenous girl he had ever had feelings for & regretted never telling me or acting in it. He said that I’d pop up in his mind at particular times, just out of the blue.
I was flattered at first & had hoped we could develop a friendship. I’d hoped he would respect my boundaries but he said he didn’t believe in boundaries. The whole process after that all went down hill.
I couldn’t just leave it alone as needed to know why he had such a negative attitude towards women. He’d been separated from his wife from ten years. He also seemed like he had some experience CATFISHING with other women in social media sites. This made me even more curious.
So here’s the short of it. He’s always thought himself a little better than me cause he has a little “white” blood in him. This is where the “apartheid” attitude came into play. It’s apparent that a woman with no indigenous bloodline is inferior to me. As a matter of fact this guy was so blind in his arrogance that he didn’t see the paradox he created.
Every woman he ever had sex with was in opinion a woman he loved. Meaning that there was never ever going to be an indigenous woman he’d ever love. In fact he told me I was the only indigenous woman he regretted never revealing love; however, all woman he loved were “white.” I’m assuming these woman were treated good at first then his meanness would show. His is why could never find happiness with any “white” woman. Yet, after resolving his feeling for me he returned to his wife asking for forgiveness.
My reality is going the total distance in trying to understand him and his motives. Apparently, he’s more concerned about about having someone he can never have and it’s driving him crazy. Everything he’s ever done was to prove to “white” that he a “Brown” skinned man could have what “whitemen” had. He said he had to prove to them he could succeed.
It was very difficult to grasp his motivations when my “buckskin” skin was something I’ve worn proudly. After all I am a human being.
Sadly, this guy comes from a very troubling past. His brothers are monsters causetgeir father was a monster. Nothing can change the violent relationships his brothers have had with indigenous women. Even though he’s never been sexually active with indigenous women there’s that violent influence that has consumed his brothers.
It’s frightening how controlling these brothers are with any woman they’ve become intimate with; however, cause this guy has avoided indigenous women he thinks he’s in controll.
Apartheid where isolation from siblings based on who they married exists within indigenous communities. It’s apart of the side effect of systemic racism.
Everyone is effected.
Reality though is it’s tough to be him cause in order for him to heal he must face this reality. Violence surfaces it’s ugly face no matter how much energy one puts into believing they are controlling it.
As a result of my research into his life and his lifestyle, I can serious say Creator has had my back for protecting me from such a guy. I’ve heard of horrible violence & I say away from adults who tolerated it for years. The lesson I’ve learned is a person can run away from Canada but their personal life can not be hidden. Creator finds a way of making us accountable for our actions.
Sometimes when we get older if we’ve managed to excel in something great our pasts our made to be forgotten by those who remember. It’s done this way as our youth need a goal or a mentor to get them to believe all this are possible. And, so it is.
However, my blog is meant to reach and for whatever reason a person finds solace in it. For me, it gives me joy to know that someone is moving forward. This means nothing negative is holding that person back into evolving.
So, don’t always believe what on social media. Do your research by interviewing people who know people to get the bigger picture. Once the picture is complete the obsession is finished & laid to rest.
As it’s not in my path to understand someone else’s shame or for that matter take my magic wand waving for that shame to vanish. I must cut & slice the string that kept this energy stale or dormant.
🙏🏽💕🙏🏽
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